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Jared Kushner's Harvard Admissions Essay (satire)

Hat tip to The New Yorker

September 11, 2017 Issue

Jared Kushner’s Harvard Admissions Essay

By Megan Amram

Dear Harvard,

How are you? I hope you are well! My name is Jared Kushner, and I would like to go to you. As an example of how smart I am, here is some money.

I heard from my daddy and my friends’ daddies that you are a big house for smart, good boys. I am a good boy! I am nice and my face is very smooth. Would you like a hundred-dollar bill? It has Benjamin Franklin on it! He is silly, because he only has hair on the sides, not on the top. Here are some of him!

Here are some facts about me: I am Jared. I am more than six feet tall, which is funny, because feet are on your legs, not how tall you are! That always makes me laugh. My favorite color is green, like money. My favorite shape is rectangle, like money. I also like round, which is like some kinds of money that poor people use for littering in fountains.

When I was a kid, which was last year, I got mad that there was no sixty-nine-dollar bill, so my daddy paid the U.S. Treasury to make one special for me. I showed it to all my friends and we all laughed and then I gave it to our maid because I was bored with it. She cleaned it and gave it back to me so that I could throw it away.

I am a good student. I got straight D’s in high school. “D” is the first letter in the alphabet. At first, the teachers said “A” was the first letter, but my daddy paid the teachers to teach us a new alphabet song so that I wouldn’t feel bad about my grades. It worked! In school, my favorite classes were recess and lunch. I did very good on the SAT because I filled in every single bubble, even the ones for my name, which was a trick question. I am so smart! For me, tests are as easy as D-B-C!

continue at: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/09/11/jared-kushners-harvard-admissions-essay?mbid=social_facebook&utm_social-type=owned&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_brand=tny

The US military SoCom established a FOL base on Curacao in 2000

and has a contract with the Dutch (who handle foreign affairs for the Dutch Antilles) extending to 2021.

Some articles:

http://curacaochronicle.com/local/fol-until-2021-in-curacao-and-aruba/

https://www.curacaochronicle.com/post/main/fol-curacao-helps-to-seize-five-tonnes-coke/

https://www.globalsecurity.org/military/facility/curacao.htm

https://www.12af.acc.af.mil/About-Us/Fact-Sheets/Display/Article/319233/curacaoaruba-forward-operating-locations/

Department of Water Resources - California Data Exchange Center