"Do you want jalapenos?"

OK, here is my "12 Inch BMT Story" from March 28, 2014.

Subway Employee: "Do you want jalapenos?"
ME: "No thank you"

(She then put about 20 jalapeno slices on my sandwich).

Subway Employee: "Black Pepper & Oregano?"
ME: "No oregano please, black pepper is OK"

(She shook about half a canister of oregano on my sandwich, followed by the black pepper).

I then made the mistake of saying "oil & vinegar is OK."

I probably should have asked her to stop as she went back and forth, back and forth with each bottle, drowning the sandwich in a sea of oil & vinegar. It really was a sea. I felt like I had to call upon Moses to part my sandwich before I could wade in and eat it.

Ate half, and then it started getting to me. Looked at the other half and decided I felt as bad as I needed to feel for today so in the trash it went.

NO WONDER "Jared" lost 400 friggin' pounds.

Your thoughts on "personal trainers?"

Here's what I would like to accomplish. My birthday is on July 11th. That gives me 90+ days to look like I've been up to something.

I am "self-motivating"...I quit a 2 pack a day cigarette habit over 14 years ago, cold turkey, and have had neither a cigarette nor the desire for one since then. I don't need a trainer for "motivation."

I am thinking "initial consultation"...which is supposed to be FREE with gym membership...and then three "progress consultations" on May, June and July 1st to measure my progress and put in any necessary corrections.

I have just a few extra pounds on me...I lost a pretty decent amount of weight between the time I left for Texas and my return to Nevada.

I am not looking for a "ripped 6 pack abs" thing. I worked out regularly in the late 90s and found that after a month or so I was standing straighter and had developed a bit of a swagger in my step. I want to be there again. I want to get rid of as much body fat as I can but am not thinking "I want to get BIG." I just want to look my best, and live a healthy lifestyle.

Last time I checked personal trainers for the average working person attending a gym (NOT "celebrity trainers&quot ran around $100 a session, more or less. I have no idea what they are charging now.

Your thoughts? Money well spent, if spent wisely, or a waste of money?

It's official, I am in training for local karaoke...

...THIS song.

And now, another exciting episode of America's favorite reality show, "I Hate When That Happens"

So I'm standing in line at the bank today.

A woman is at the teller's window and looks over in my direction, smiling and waving.

I immediately turned around to see who she was smiling and waving at.

When I turned back around she said, clearly a little surprised and disappointed, "You don't recognize me. I work at (local bar)."

I took another look and realized she was wearing minimal makeup (if any at all), she had her hair pinned up on top of her head (instead of down around her shoulders) and instead of her black cutoffs, black jacket and boots, she as wearing denim cutoffs, a blouse, and flip-flops.

THEN I recognized her.

When she finished her business at the window I apologized profusely, saying that I did in fact not recognize her.

I hate when that happens.

"Retweeted by David Corn"

YOUR thoughts on your "ex" and the "No Contact Rule"

Ever observed it?

Premise is simple...no contact of ANY kind for 30 days following the breakup.

No texts, no Facebook PMs, no phone calls, no "pre-orcchestrated chance encounters" (A.K.A. "stalking&quot ...NADA.

And ESPECIALLY none of THIS shit:

It's time to play another exciting round of America's favorite NEW game show, "MEH"

Rules are simple.

Post a video of a song that was PRETTY GOSH DARN POPULAR back in the day (and may still be today), but is ALSO a song YOU never particularly cared for, a song that made you say "MEH."

I'll start it off with Bret Michaels and Poison's MEH anthem, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn."

OK, this is a PERFECT example of why I got a car WITHOUT a sun roof.

'scuse me while I lick this stamp (USPS pays tribute to Jimi)

http://ultimateclassicrock.com/jimi-hendrix-stamp/

The U.S. Postal Service is paying tribute to one of rock and roll’s most legendary figures with the latest in the line of the ‘Forever’ stamps. For a mere 49 cents, you can paste Jimi Hendrix on your next piece of mail.

With psychedelic artwork by artist Rudy Gutierrez, Hendrix is pictured with Stratocaster in hand, and donning his iconic military jacket. Beginning today (March 13), the Jimi Hendrix ‘Forever’ stamp is available at post offices, on the U.S. Postal Service website, and eBay.

“The technical challenge was making art that will still read at stamp size, so it was a matter of not being overly complicated,” said Gutierrez. “It was important to make the art accessible, and to be true to the incredible combination of rawness and virtuosity that was Jimi Hendrix.”

Hendrix joins an illustrious batch of musicians already featured on the Forever stamp, including Johnny Cash and Ray Charles. Janis Joplin and James Brown are on the list of forthcoming stamps in this series. The stamp will have its official public viewing today at the South By Southwest music festival in Austin, during an all-star concert curated by the MC5′s Wayne Kramer.

Facebook Gurus: Is there ANY way to get REAL help from them other than their half-assed help section

1). Have a Facebook account. Fake identity I used for fun with my ex-girlfriend.

2). If I make a fake page I generally put in my own birthday but on this one I decided to be a genius and put in one I don't remember

3). Got that "You haven't logged in from this device before, we locked your account, tell us your birthday" message

4). Didn't make anyone a "trusted friend" so that won't work.

My GUESS is that the account is HOSED. Please tell me I'm wrong.