I feel numb. I feel broken.

There is a school shooting happening in Colorado. Another mass shooting... Another school. We will line up and share our outrage. We will demand gun control and condemn inaction from the right. We will direct our ire towards the NRA and their supporters who do nothing to address the scourge of violence. This is our responsibility; not just as democrats but as decent human beings who profess our compassion. Our vocal outrage must be immediate and swift. It is our mandate and we must maintain. We can never falter in our message.

And yet... sigh.

And yet I know that I don't feel as though I should. The visceral response to the horror and disgust has been reduced somehow. I should feel immediate and undeniable revulsion and sadness. I remember when Obama cried after Sandy Hook. That is how I felt. I remember driving by the tiny flags planted along Rt 84 as a memorial to the victims. It was weeks later when I drove by that memorial and I cried thinking of the children. When Obama spoke and shared his tears with us, he channeled our emotions. He was our voice; one of sadness over senseless death.

And yet... I don't have that reaction anymore and that scares me.

Have mass/school shootings become so common, so expected that I no longer experience the revulsion? Have my emotions dulled to the point that I subconsciously expect this? Do I expect the death of innocent people living their lives, attending schools, attending church? Am I so jaded and emotionally blunted that I cannot feel how I felt driving by those flags? If so then how can I contribute? How can I demand change when I am numb and I know the NRA and their supporters don't actually care.

HOW CAN WE CHANGE WHEN WE DON'T FEEL!

Fuck it. Maybe you will think I'm nuts and you all haven't been numbed by the violence. Gods I hope that is the case. Never have I hoped to be screwed up than right now. I shouldn't feel numb. I should feel revulsion. How do I get that back? I don't want to be upset, sad, crying, angry, disgusted, horrified. No one wants those feelings and yet I know that I should have them.

What has our society come to. gods. what have we done.

Couple give Nazi Salute at Holocaust Memorial and WWII Memorial in Providence

Border Patrol Lies and malfeasance

This story was relayed by my wife's new coworker. She is here on a work visa from Quebec. When she was crossing the border recently she observed border patrol tell a several French Canadian college kids that they could not enter America because they only spoke broken English. Her exact words were: "You cannot enter THIS (emphasis NOT mine) country if you can't speak the language."

From what I understand this wasn't her only experience observing and experiencing unprofessional and disrespectful behavior by border patrol and immigration officials.


You know, the way we behave towards the citizens of our supposed "allies" (I say supposed because we certainly haven't treated them like allies lately) sooner or later their governments are going to hit back and start making it very difficult for Americans to visit/work. As much as I love my passport, inconvenience is a big motivator for change. If enough privileged assholes realize that they can't just go wherever the hell they want, they might just be inconvenienced enough to start a clamor.

One simply positive and wonderful result from Mueller's report

Trump stopped harassing the nation with his incessant irritating tweets.

My day was just made. Queen played at the Oscars

Well Brian and Roger anyway. John wont/cant perform but still it made me happy. I have loved them since I was 10 years old watching Flash Gordon with my dad on our new VCR. He played News Of The World for me because I liked the music from the movie. I was hooked and saved up my allowance to buy all of their tapes. When Freddy died I was devestated. I remember watching the video for "These Are The Days Of Our Lives" and I was just so sad and angry about how demonized people with AIDS were. The fact that I was pretty sure I was gay made it even more difficult.

Anyway, seeing them perform with Lambert. It was great. If Freddy is somewhere looking down, I have to believe he would be pleased even if the movie was lacking in some areas.

Touchdown!!!!!!

Had to share.

Gods help me. I am stuck at the DMV with God knows how many people ahead of me

Why must people sit right on top of you when there are clearly more open spaces around? And why does this dude next to me keep inching closer.

Ēriks Eenvalds - Only In Sleep

I have enjoyed other posts of classical music; especially choral music (my true love). I thought I should add my own offering for your enjoyment.

If you enjoy choral music then I believe you will love this.

About Ēriks Ešenvalds: He is a Latvian composer born 1977. In 2004 he earned his Masters in Composition from the Latvia Academy of Music. From 2011–2013 he was Fellow Commoner in Creative Arts at Trinity College, University of Cambridge.

The lyrics to this work are from a poem of the same name by American poet Sara Teasdale. The soloist in the video is Rachel Evans.

This video makes me wish I had the opportunity to continue my own studies. Words to live by, never let someone stand in your way when you have the opportunity to realize your dreams. I had the opportunity but I was stupid.

I really really hate snow.

I hate it so so very much.

Picard orders snow for the holiday season. Make it So!