I feel numb. I feel broken.

There is a school shooting happening in Colorado. Another mass shooting... Another school. We will line up and share our outrage. We will demand gun control and condemn inaction from the right. We will direct our ire towards the NRA and their supporters who do nothing to address the scourge of violence. This is our responsibility; not just as democrats but as decent human beings who profess our compassion. Our vocal outrage must be immediate and swift. It is our mandate and we must maintain. We can never falter in our message.

And yet... sigh.

And yet I know that I don't feel as though I should. The visceral response to the horror and disgust has been reduced somehow. I should feel immediate and undeniable revulsion and sadness. I remember when Obama cried after Sandy Hook. That is how I felt. I remember driving by the tiny flags planted along Rt 84 as a memorial to the victims. It was weeks later when I drove by that memorial and I cried thinking of the children. When Obama spoke and shared his tears with us, he channeled our emotions. He was our voice; one of sadness over senseless death.

And yet... I don't have that reaction anymore and that scares me.

Have mass/school shootings become so common, so expected that I no longer experience the revulsion? Have my emotions dulled to the point that I subconsciously expect this? Do I expect the death of innocent people living their lives, attending schools, attending church? Am I so jaded and emotionally blunted that I cannot feel how I felt driving by those flags? If so then how can I contribute? How can I demand change when I am numb and I know the NRA and their supporters don't actually care.

HOW CAN WE CHANGE WHEN WE DON'T FEEL!

Fuck it. Maybe you will think I'm nuts and you all haven't been numbed by the violence. Gods I hope that is the case. Never have I hoped to be screwed up than right now. I shouldn't feel numb. I should feel revulsion. How do I get that back? I don't want to be upset, sad, crying, angry, disgusted, horrified. No one wants those feelings and yet I know that I should have them.

What has our society come to. gods. what have we done.