August 14, 2020

Trump Accuses Kamala Harris of Maliciously Speaking in Complete Sentences

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a blistering takedown of Joe Biden’s running mate, Donald Trump on Thursday accused Senator Kamala Harris of maliciously speaking in complete sentences.

Blasting her penchant for hewing to the rules of grammar, Trump said, “A lot of people are saying, mean, nasty, disrespectful. To a new level, like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Sad,” he said. “Sick and sad.”

Trump also was contemptuous of Biden, noting, “Sleepy Joe—something’s going on.”


https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-accuses-kamala-harris-of-maliciously-speaking-in-complete-sentences?fbclid=IwAR2JS3olhFiyK-qxLaIB84qVvtTnChMqwUUfJe0hD-HkiJZWLsmvAJoErSo

August 14, 2020

Obama Hurt By Trump's Reuse of Birther Strategy

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former President Barack Obama said on Friday that he was “deeply saddened” to hear Donald J. Trump reuse his racist birther strategy this week, stating, “I thought that it was a special thing between him and me.”

His voice cracking with emotion, Obama said that, during all the years Trump launched birther attacks against him, “I was under the impression that he was crafting those lies for me and me alone.”

“I guess I was wrong,” he said wistfully.

Hearing Trump employ identical slurs against someone new “cheapened the memory of our years together,” Obama said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/obama-hurt-by-trumps-reuse-of-birther-strategy-i-thought-it-was-a-special-thing-between-him-and-me?fbclid=IwAR3bP6DTxCATI11XdKmCe53n3JJ49-vJlJD66nbvyMsbg7q9MmQOe60YDOw

August 13, 2020

New Rule: You Can't Always Get What You Want Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

&t=219s

I know this is a flashback to the primary but the message still holds, can the purity tests.

August 12, 2020

Harris's Approval Rating Soars After Trump Reminds Nation How "Nasty" She Was to Kavanaugh

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Kamala Harris saw her approval rating soar on Tuesday after Donald J. Trump reminded the American people that she had been “nasty” to Brett Kavanaugh during his confirmation hearings.

In interviews across the country, voters expressed gratitude to Trump for reminding them that Harris had been responsible for one of their favorite televised moments in recent history.

“When Trump said that she had been ‘nasty’ to Kavanaugh, I had to go to YouTube and relive that glorious event,” Carol Foyler, who lives in Springfield, Missouri, said. “It really holds up.”

Harland Dorrinson, who lives in Wichita, Kansas, agreed. “Watching Kamala Harris own Kavanaugh made me happy for weeks,” he said. “I have to thank Trump for making that happy memory come flooding back.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/kamala-harriss-approval-rating-soars-after-trump-reminds-nation-how-nasty-she-was-to-kavanaugh?fbclid=IwAR0JzN_OLFvUKfJxWJQoiT_LlOil1h07jfkx6FkUi4NRhg-bbpHiX_4lmbo