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Top 10 Idiots

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Member since: Wed May 30, 2018, 12:44 PM
Number of posts: 412

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This is the official DU account for the new format Top 10 Conservative Idiots separate from the host account Initech. The new format Top 10 will launch June 13th, 2018 and all posts related to the Top 10 (promos, etc) will be posted from this account only. If you wish to contact the Top 10 you may do so here: E-mail (all questions, concerns, suggestions, and hate mail welcome): Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com Follow the Top 10 on Twitter: @10Idiots A Facebook page will be created shortly. **This account will ONLY be used to post official Idiots editions, promos, and things related to the Top 10. No other posts will come from this account** Top 10 Wiki: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211322508

Journal Archives

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-12: Easter Sunday Bloody Easter Sunday Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-12: Easter Sunday Bloody Easter Sunday Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Well, another week down where we can’t go outside, how is everybody doing? You doing fucking good? Yeah us either. Sure, the Coronavirus is going to pass, but we don’t want anything stupid to happen in the meantime, which is why we’re staying home until it is safe to do so. But we can’t wait to reveal all the exciting things we have in store for season 9 as we approach what will hopefully be the end of the Donald J. Trump administration. And that includes our new home in Burbank. Yes, we left our good friends at the UCB Theater and are moving for greener pastures in Burbank, and we can’t wait to do a live show from there soon. We’ll reveal our tentative tour dates for the 9th season during our off day on April 15th, but I hope we can tour by then. You know I really want to find a silver lining in the news right now but it’s just so hard to do that. Usually here’s where we talk about some random, non-political nonsense before we delve into 10 solid entries of political nonsense. But there’s nothing going on during the Great Quarantine. Nothing. Come on, I’d kill for a good Florida Man story right now, but even he’s being isolated. But I’m sure that we will see some stories of some idiocy coming later down the pike. Just, god, we cannot wait until the great lockdown is over. Which we certainly hope is coming soon. OK enough of the intro, I’m rambling again. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he delves into the latest on everyone’s favorite subject:

So we’re stuck at home for the foreseeable future and that means that there’s no live music and no Wheel Of Corruption that we planned to do for this edition. And our live audience laughter and applause is going to be replaced with pre-recorded audience laughter and applause. So in the #1 slot this week is Donald Trump (1). Because he’s gloating about getting the stimulus package passed but what’s in it? We will expose the reality of who’s getting $2 TRILLION. In the number 2 slot this week is also Donald Trump (2). So he wants this all to be over by Easter so we can pack the churches. We will explain in (not shocking) detail why this plan is clinically insane. Taking the third slot this week is Mike Lindell (3), who you might know better as the MyPillow guy, and if you expect that he’s trying to help, well, let’s just hope that his masks aren’t the same quality as his pillows. In the number 4 slot this week, we’re adding Mississippi governor Tate Reeves (4) to the ever-growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected because he’s putting his whole state in jeopardy. At slot #5 is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re going to take a look at some Coronavirus scamming, and yes, just like the virus itself, the scammers are spreading like wildfire, and you may need watch your inbox and phone calls very closely. At slot #6 this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week, why is Liberty University set on welcoming students back to campus? Is Jerry Falwell Jr insane? Probably. In the 7th slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” (7). OK, Twitter, you know that inviting James Woods back on your service was a bad idea, so why did you do it? Take a time out and go sit in the corner. At slot #8 this week, we get to debut a new segment! This is called “Conspiracy Corner” and we’re going to tell you about the bizarre new drug of choice for Q Anon fans, and they might be on too much of it! At the number 9 (NEIN!!) we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week it's time for Stupidest State Round 1 Week 3! This week, it's a battle of #1s and #2s, as over in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, #1 Michigan takes on #2 Pennsylvania, while over in the Gun Nut Conference, #1 Oregon takes on perennial favorites #2 Florida! The Elite 8 is shaping up! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Stimulus Bill
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Remember back during the Bush years when they gave everybody a check for $300 as a way to stimulate the economy? Well if you don’t remember that, I would suggest watching a Futurama episode from 2003 called “Three Hundred Big Boys” in which the Planet Express crew spent their $300 refunds on some absolutely ridiculous items. Well, this Coronavirus stimulus bill is kind of like that. Except we’re all getting $1200. And your bosses are getting some unchecked, very loosely defined rules as to how they get their end of the pie. And this thing is shockingly evil if you read the fine print. Which is what we are here to do.

With the goal of blunting the financial effects of the coronavirus outbreak, the US government committed to a $2 trillion economic stimulus package that includes payments of up to $1,200 to US taxpayers. Checks may start to arrive in three weeks -- assuming you're eligible to receive a stimulus payment.

It's expected that roughly 9 of 10 households could receive a recovery rebate of some amount under the economic stimulus law, which also provides financial aid for businesses staggered by the virus, and expanded unemployment and student-loan assistance. But not everyone will receive the complete payment, and some won't receive a stimulus check at all.

Here's what we know about the individual and household coronavirus relief checks that are part of the federal package -- including finding out if you'll be eligible, how much you can expect to receive and how to receive your payments. We'll update this story as developments occur. (Here's how you should spend the money when you get it and how else you can get financial relief.)

The total amount of your stimulus check will be based on your adjusted gross income, or AGI, from your 2019 federal tax filing or -- if you've not filed this year yet -- your 2018 filing.

Yeah so some of you will be getting the check, some of you won’t. And for those of you who won’t, that will be because it will be at the expense of large corporations also wanting their fair share of the pie, which will mean that they will get it all and we will get peanuts. Shit, $1200 will barely cover the rent in some areas. But here’s why this isn’t the quick fix that many will think it is. And we all know how much Americans love their quick fixes.

A little less than three weeks ago, when the number of people infected with the COVID-19 virus began to spike, Mikael Laboy found himself in a tough spot. The 21-year-old’s job at a biotechnology company in Puerto Rico required him to work in close proximity to his coworkers, and he says his employer wasn’t taking enough precautions to keep them safe. Since he lives with his brother and sister-in-law, who is pregnant, he felt he couldn’t risk accidentally bringing the infection home. So he quit. “There’s people living in my household that I can’t put at risk,” he says.

It was a difficult decision and bills have been stacking up, but recently, there seemed to be a glimmer of hope. On March 27, President Trump signed a $2.2 trillion coronavirus stimulus package that includes the direct infusion of cash to the majority of Americans—including Laboy. The provision stipulates that any American with a Social Security number who isn’t considered someone else’s dependent and makes up to $75,000 will receive a payment of $1,200.

That means that Laboy, who says he has been struggling economically for three years, would catch a much-needed break. “I’ve been sleeping on the floor for years, being in houses with no furniture, beds, et cetera,” he says. “I’ve had weeks where I spend two or three days without eating just to stretch out the food as much as I can.” For him, the stimulus funds would be a game-changer.

Yeah that’s about what I would expect from the guy who uses the words “beautiful” and “tremendous” the way a Zappa-esque valley girl would use the phrase “like you know whatever”. Yeah OK that was a bit sexist and I do apologize for that. So that covers your average Joe Sixpack, but what does it mean for small business owners? Well they will see money but don’t expect it to last as long as you may need it.

It will take “a week or two" to get the PPP loans flowing, said Chris Maher president of New Jersey-based OceanFirst Bank.

He noted that the government has also injected $10 billion more into the federal Small Business Administration’ emergency loan program, making the loans easier to get. Those loans are ready at participating banks now. But they aren’t intended to be forgiven. “Don’t just grab a program,” he said. Borrowing from SBA too soon might make a customer ineligible for state programs and other alternatives.

“We’ve been on the phone with SBA — they’ve been great — but it’s still not 100 percent clear,” how soon the money will arrive, said Rodger Levenson chief executive of WSFS, the largest bank based in the Philadelphia area. “It will take a little time to come up with a process to handle this unprecedented volume of loans.”

Since banks are ready to lend and businesses have been banking more cash that they can use to reopen, Maher says, he expects coronavirus will be more like a terrible Shore hurricane, sharp and deadly, but leading to a faster recovery than a 2008-style Great Recession.


So that covers phase 3. What does phase 4 hold up? Well phase 4 is going to include things like infrastructure and more stimulus money. Because who knows how long this whole thing is supposed to go on for? We could be looking at months before this virus dies the horrible death it deserves. This is going to be a long and rocky road before we can put the Coronavirus behind us. And we personally cannot wait until that day.

Congressional lawmakers put the finishing touches on a $2 trillion stimulus bill to respond to the coronavirus pandemic, with cash and assistance for regular Americans, Main Street businesses and hard-hit airlines and manufacturers, among others.
The Senate passed the bill, 96-0, and the House is set to follow suit Friday.
CNN reporters read through the entire legislation. Here's a list of highlights:
Direct payments to individuals

Under the plan as it was being negotiated, single Americans would receive $1,200, married couples would get $2,400 and parents would see $500 for each child under age 17.
However, the payments would start to phase out for individuals with adjusted gross incomes of more than $75,000, and those making more than $99,000 would not qualify at all. The thresholds are doubled for couples.

Student loan payments suspended
The Department of Education would suspend payments on student loan borrowers without penalty through September 30, according to the bill.
CNN reported last week that the Department of Education was planning to allow student loan borrowers to suspend payments without penalty and accruing interest for at least 60 days.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So is the country really going to be reopen by Easter? Is it really? If you guessed “no”, you are… absolutely 100% correct! It won’t be Sunday Bloody Sunday. Instead it will be Easter Sunday Bloody Easter Sunday, because if Trump’s plan went through, a lot of people could die. This thing seems to get worse by the day and our president currently has his head stuck up his big, fat ass. Well here’s the thing – the Coronavirus is not going away anytime soon, whether we want it to or not. But Trump is having some completely unrealistic expectations about what he expects the virus is going to do. And here’s the thing – there’s a million projection models out there, and none of them are good. And there’s not a whole lot we can do to make fun of the situation at hand, so we won’t try.

President Donald Trump's predictions that victory is close in the coronavirus crisis are becoming increasingly impossible to square with the harrowing escalation of America's battle against the pandemic.

Trump on Tuesday spied "light at the end of the tunnel" and envisioned packed church pews at Easter as America breaks free of stay-at-home orders and marks the return of its "raring to go" economy.
"I thought it was a beautiful time. A beautiful timeline," the President said Tuesday, making clear that his target date to open the nation by April 12 -- less than three weeks away -- was driven by sentiment and symbolism, not medical data on the virus's fast-tightening grip on the nation.

Anyone can empathize with the President's desire to crank back an economy that has probably already shed millions of jobs and left many Americans wondering how long they can survive without wages. But Trump has political motives too: he needs a swift rebound since the economy's long winning streak represented his best argument for reelection.

That is not a joke, by the way. that is an actual, unaltered, unedited picture from last year’s White House Easter Egg roll. And you actually have to feel sorry for the Easter Bunny in that picture. He’s probably saying “FML”. Is there anything that he doesn’t make weird or creepy? No. At the very least there is a silver lining here, because this year, we won’t be subjected to creepy Easter Bunny photos.

First lady Melania Trump regretfully announced Monday that the venerable White House Easter Egg Roll next month is canceled "out of an abundance of caution" due to the coronavirus pandemic.

She cited the National Emergency Declaration made by President Donald Trump last week.

“The health and safety of all Americans must be the first priority, especially right now,” the first lady said in a statement issued by the White House.

“I deeply regret this cancellation,but we need to make difficult decisions in the short-term to ensure a healthy country for the long-term.

Dude, Jay and Silent Bob, take it out on Trump. Don’t take it out on the Easter Bunny. And by the way, Melania, your husband put us in this position because he called the virus a hoax! And come on, are empty pews really a bad thing? So the Christian right doesn’t get their annual traditions in. Big fucking deal. We’re all making sacrifices right now, they should have to make some too.

President Donald Trump is determined to ease coronavirus restrictions on most Americans by the Easter holiday -- auspicious timing for his evangelical base and business allies but a worrisome deadline for public-health experts shaping the U.S. response to a still mushrooming outbreak.

Trump’s impatience to get everyone back to work set in almost immediately after he urged everyone to stay home -- touched off as he watched a sermon delivered by a prominent evangelical preacher to an empty megachurch. It gained momentum as Trump listened to advice from conservative economists who warned of near-apocalyptic financial damage, a view reinforced by a free-fall in markets.

And it coalesced around a single day, among the most sacred in the Christian calendar -- Easter Sunday, April 12 -- for reasons more symbolic than scientific after a key meeting headed by Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner just four days after the stay-at-home advice.

Trump’s public-health advisers appear to have made some headway in softening his insistence on that single day -- “a beautiful time, a beautiful timeline,” as the president has called it -- but he largely remains undeterred.

A Beautiful Timeline? OK the title of the next musical bio picture aside, there’s nothing about this that is beautiful. In fact I could spend this entire edition posting stat after stat saying there’s no such thing as what Trump is talking about. In fact, you could say that he is pulling these figures directly out of his ass, and that’s not a pretty sight, I can guarantee you that! Instead, I’ll show you what changed his mind and leave it at that.

US Christian leaders have criticised Donald Trump’s Easter coronavirus deadline – by which he wants to see much of the country reopened and churches full. One described it as the “height of hypocrisy”.

As US coronavirus cases and deaths continued to soar, the president said on Tuesday he wanted to reopen “large sections of the country” by Easter Sunday – 12 April – when there would be “packed churches all over our country”.

His comments came despite warnings from White House taskforce members Anthony Fauci and Deborah Birx, the latter saying she was “deeply concerned” about New York and its surrounding area.

On Wednesday the number of confirmed US cases rose to 54,453 and 737 deaths, according to figures from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

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[font size="8"]My Pillow Guy
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We currently live in a fucking cartoon. Actually no, we live in an infomercial that runs during the really late night shift once Stephen Colbert is over. Trump’s press conferences are so insane that I keep expecting him to say “BUT WAIT!! THERE’S MORE!!!”. Hell, I also keep expecting to hear the 1-800-EMPIRE commercial jingle in the background. Oh yeah that happened. And dude, when we’re all hurting for answers as to what the fuck is really going on, maybe don’t invite the fucking My Pillow Guy to a White House press conference!!! Really what the hell did you expect that would happen Trump? He turned official government business into one of his MAGA rallies.

President Donald Trump kicked off Monday’s press briefing on the coronavirus much like every other, by running through daily updates about the deadly virus and the White House efforts to eradicate it.

But unlike in typical briefings throughout the pandemic, in which various members of the administration discuss what their agencies are doing to combat the virus or help blunt its economic toll, Trump yielded the stage first to a handful of business leaders — one of them a staunch supporter who went off script in a moment of effusive praise for the president.

The Trump administration has involved business leaders in nearly every aspect of its response to the pandemic, leaning heavily on private-public partnerships to respond to the virus, which has rapidly spread and touched nearly every industry in the country, so it wasn‘t their presence alone that was unusual.

Among those he introduced Monday were the “great leader” of Honeywell, as well as the CEOs of Jockey, Procter & Gamble and United Technologies, all of whom laid out how their companies were fulfilling what Trump described as “their patriotic duty” to fight the virus.

There’s honestly nothing you can say because this is too fucking stupid to be able to believed, but then again this is the year 2020 here. And for the people who say “Oh he’s only trying to help, what have you done?”. Well, to that I say “fuck you!!!”. Seriously you can’t pray this thing away, and just like gun violence, your thoughts and prayers aren’t going to work. And for Trump to use his platform for this guy, well, that’s sad.

After MyPillow founder Mike Lindell appeared Monday during a White House coronavirus task force briefing to announce his company's intention to produce face masks to help mitigate the spread of coronavirus, the term "My Pillow" became the number one trending topic on Twitter.

Lindell told reporters he had diverted 75 percent of his company's manufacturing capabilities to producing cotton face masks with a goal of creating 50,000 masks per day by Friday.

After speaking about what his company was doing to help in the fight against coronavirus, Lindell made some comments which he called "off the cuff."

"God gave us grace on November 8, 2016, to change the course we were on," Lindell said, referencing the date President Donald Trump was elected. "God had been taken out of schools and lives. A nation had turned its back on God. I encourage you to use this time at home to get back in the Word, read our Bibles and spend time with our families."

Yeah no, your prayers aren’t going to work, Mike. You need way more than that to stop this virus from killing a whole lot of us. But to claim that Trump’s presidency is an act of God, well, that is so fucking stupid I can’t even come up with a response to it. Does that mean that God is a raging asshole? Oh yeah and if you think Mike’s masks will be the same quality as his pillows, there’s this from last year that you might have missed.

May 9 was the last day of work for 150 employees in the MyPillow production department in Shakopee.

The company is launching a new online store for inventors and “due to this new direction,” changing production at MyPillow. The employees have been informed of other job opportunities outside of the company, if they choose, according to the company.

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell said in a prepared statement the layoffs will allow the company to launch his next venture: an online store for entrepreneurs and inventors to sell their products. The new venture, called MyStore.com, will be run out of MyPillow’s Shakopee factories.

“As we prepare for the launch of MyStore.com, we are changing the layout of our Shakopee factories so the fulfillment and shipping of all MyStore products can happen here,” Lindell said.

Oh and by the way, do we really need this guy in any position of power? There’s no way this guy is equipped to be governor of anywhere. And if you think running the country like a business is the way to go, well, it got us here. In the middle of a global pandemic that is affecting literally everyone. So yeah, no, fuck you Mike. I hope the good people of Minnesota are better than you.

President Donald Trump introduced those tuning into his nightly coronavirus task force briefing on Monday to a special guest: Mike Lindell, the multimillionaire inventor and CEO of the MyPillow empire.

"Boy, do you sell those pillows," Trump said, asking him to step up to the mic and tell Americans how his company was helping them deal with the outbreak. Lindell then launched into a short infomercial for his company, going on to describe how the firm was manufacturing cotton face masks and effusively praising the president for his pandemic stewardship.

“I did not know he was going to do that, but he is a friend of mine, and I do appreciate it,” Trump said.

It’s hardly their first encounter. Lindell has told associates that the president is encouraging him to run for governor of Minnesota in 2022, to “keep Minnesota red beyond” the 2020 race, according to a person with direct knowledge of his comments.

Trump told him that “he really wants me to run,” according to the source, who spoke with Lindell in late February soon after the MyPillow CEO’s conversation with Trump in the White House.

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[font size="8"]People Who Somehow Got Elected: Tate Reeves
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Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:

This week – Mississippi governor Tate Reeves. Just like the governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, Tate Reeves seems to just not care that a lot of his people are going to die from COVID-19. Just as in Florida, which seems to have a few very loosely defined restrictions on COVID-19 gatherings, Mississippi also does the same. In fact, you might say that they have even looser restrictions on public gatherings. And it’s because, economy, stupid. Yes, Tate Reeves is willing to put your lives at risk because he doesn’t feel that your life is worth more than your contributions to the economy are. And because of that, you will most likely die.

Gov. Tate Reeves said as the number of COVID-19 cases continue to rise in some areas of Mississippi, he is ready and able to issue a shelter-in-place order if needed.

“As we look at the days and weeks ahead, and as the data suggested and the experts recommended, please understand that there is a very real possibility that for certain communities in our state, a shelter-in-place order is imminent,” Reeves said. “I am committed to do everything I can do in a responsible way to protect my fellow Mississippians, and that’s going to be difficult on a lot of people. Nobody necessarily wants to be shut in their own home by the government. It’s not something that I will do lightly, but if the data suggests it and the experts recommend it, I will do it.”

Reeves and state health officer Dr. Thomas Dobbs were live Sunday afternoon on Facebook, where they stressed the need for social distancing and isolation to slow the spread of COVID-19.

Dobbs said the Mississippi State Health Department wants to do more expansive testing to identify those who are positive for COVID-19 and then track their "little cluster" contacts so they may be quarantined for a couple weeks. Doing so will help prevent the need for a broader quarantine order, Dobbs said. He compared it to pruning a bush rather than burning the bush.

Yes, you suck for sure. Sure, he could be ready, or he could not. In fact this should have been issued weeks ago. but leave it to the Gulf Coast states to screw it up for the rest of us who really could have seen this coming. But what is Mississippi doing? While other states have much stricter rules against this sort of thing, it seems that anything goes in Mississippi. Even the mayors of the cities are divided on this.

Mayors across the state are taking it upon themselves to clarify to their residents that curfews, restaurant bans, and stay-at-home orders remain in place after an executive order from the governor's office earlier this week muddled the waters.

Cities and counties and the state are operating under different guidelines on ways to protect their residents, resulting in confusion across the state, several mayors said.

In some cities, officials are dispatching their police and fire departments to enforce the public safety orders as they fear residents will not take them as serious as they should.

Meanwhile, reports of restaurants re-opening their dining rooms or churches preparing to worship in person are also circulating, raising concerns from city officials who are trying to stem the transmission of the coronavirus.

Still other mayors stand behind the governor's order which they say gives local officials the proper authority without forcing their hand. The best people to understand what measures to take are those on the ground and in the region, they say. https://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/2020/03/28/mississippi-mayors-divided-gov-reeves-coronavirus-directives/2925959001/

There aren’t enough facepalms for things that are going on in the world right now. Even the former governor of Mississippi is yelling at Gov. Reeves and telling him to shelter in place. And the rest of the country is going “THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE TWO WEEKS AGO YOU MORON!!!”. Well, things are going to get very ugly for the state of Mississippi.

Mayor: step up COVID-19 restrictions. Governor: prays

The mayor of a coastal Mississippi city called on the governor Sunday to step up restrictions imposed because of COVID-19.

Gov. Tate Reeves “needs to shut down the state,” Moss Point Mayor Mario King told WLOX-TV on Sunday.

Moss Point is a city in Jackson County, which had 35 of the nearly 760 cases in Mississippi as of Sunday. Moss Point’s 13,700 residents include 19 who have the disease, King said.

He said he planned an emergency meeting Sunday of the city’s Board of Aldermen.

“This is serious,” King said. “People are not social distancing, they are continuing to have large gatherings. We are going to have to step it up a notch.”

There aren’t enough facepalms for this. But apparently if you live in Mississippi, your governor values his state’s economy over your life. So much in fact that he’s not willing to listen to rhyme or reason to protect the citizens of his state. Oh yeah and it’s his fucking job to do that! In the end is it going to be incompetence that will cause our demise? You betcha!

“I’m so frustrated by the whole thing,” said Smithson, the former director of the Mississippi Emergency Management Agency and, before that, director of military support for the Mississippi National Guard. “The only thing I can do is minimize my outings and take care of my family. I think it’s going to get a whole lot worse.”

“We’re looking at economics over public health.”

Smithson is one of thousands of Mississippians who have implored Reeves to issue stay-at-home orders for all but essential operations, including health care and emergency response.

Instead, Reeves has signed an executive order that allows all manner of businesses to continue operating, including restaurants with limited seating, retail stores and auto dealerships.

In a Facebook post, Reeves referenced the state’s pandemic response plan, adopted in 2013.

The plan’s objective is public health. The introduction says, “The response phase will include steps to activate response systems, prevent the spread of disease, prevent severe clinical outcomes in the ill, ensure that adequate support exists for response activities and ensure the continuity of operations across the state.”

Yup, America, with people like this at the helm, we’re screwed. That’s Mississippi governor Tate Reeves, yet another in the growing list of:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Coronavirus Scams & Fake Cures
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The spread of the novel coronavirus has launched a spread of misinformation out there. It’s also launched a share of scams, cons, and fake cures. While COVID-19 has brought life to a near halt around the globe, that hasn’t stopped the worst of us from making a profit off this deadly disease and subsequent disaster that has followed. Which has turned America and the rest of the world into a hotbed rife for scamming. In fact there’s so much scamming and phishing going on right now that the Federal Trade Commission has issued guidelines that will help you deal with the forthcoming barrage of scamming from this disaster.

Through emails, text messages and phone calls, scammers are targeting their victims and they're using the COVID-19 pandemic to get the job done. It's unknown how many people have been swindled, but 3 On Your Side doesn't want you to be the next victim.

So, first up, be aware of the Coronavirus Test Kit Scam. It works when a scammer calls you. A recent audio clip released by the Federal Communications Commission shows how the scam works.

“The Coronavirus Response Act has made coronavirus testing more accessible immediately,” the scammer says. “If you want to receive a free testing kit delivered overnight to your home, press 1. If you do not want your free testing, press 2."

Due to the shortage of test kits, the scammer hopes you'll call back and pay for something that really doesn't exist.

Then, there's Social Security Scam that targets senior citizens.

If you’re a senior especially, be extremely careful about answering that phone or replying to that text message if it’s not from a number that you don’t know. Medication seems to be one of the scams that is emerging from this virus pandemic. But it is a good thing that governments are cracking down on this sort of thing because the virus has everyone terrified to leave or even answer the phone.

Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel reissued an alert regarding scammers who tried to trick people into handing over private medical information by impersonating representatives from local public health departments.

Nessel said the suspects called residents to offer medication and at-home COVID-19 tests before asking for their Medicaid and Medicare numbers, purportedly for billing purposes. Incoming calls from scammers are also jamming local health departments’ phone lines, Nessel said, delaying important responses to COVID-19.

“Scammers are still on a quest to take advantage of this public health crisis to gain access to your private information," Nessel said in a statement. "As we continue to work together to mitigate the spread of COVID-19, I want to remind all Michiganders to stay on high alert for scam calls, emails and text or direct messages on social media.

Reports so far have been focused on the Ionia County Health Department and the Benzie Leelanau Public Health Department, Nessel said. The Attorney General’s office previously issued a consumer alert last week and reissued the alert Monday to increase awareness.

That’s easier said than done. In fact you are going to need to be very vigilant in the forthcoming weeks to protect yourself. So how do you protect yourself from Coronavirus scammers? Well for one thing just like any scam the key is to not give out any personal information to anyone, just like you would in normal, everyday life. Because you can never be too careful.

Do not give out your PayPal account information, Social Security number, bank account number or anything else if someone claims such information is essential to sign you up for a stimulus check relating to the coronavirus pandemic.

It's not. It's a scam.

It's time to warn consumers once again that we need to practice some social distancing from the scammers.

The FBI, state attorneys general and other agencies are alerting Americans that phone calls, texts or emails asking for personal or financial information to get the $1,200 federal payment are not legit.

Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel on Thursday issued what she called "an urgent consumer alert" relating to scammers who play up federal stimulus checks. In other states, the Better Business Bureau has reported that the level of "stimulus scams" has gone through the roof. The real stimulus cash is likely to hit bank accounts within the next three weeks or later, but taxpayers don't have to sign up to get the money. Checks are expected to take longer. And yes, some people could experience delays.

See? Even the kids can see that this is a scam. You’ve got $1200 and they want it, and they are coming for it. Even worse – there’s people who will perform back alley operations for you. Yes, much like the meat market in Futurama, there’s the possibility of people offering cures for the virus in a back alley if your hospital has too many long lines. Gotta love deregulated America, right? So yeah if you come across this guy, don’t do it.

FBI agents arrested a Georgia man Monday on charges that he accepted kickbacks from medical testing companies by referring people for COVID-19 testing who didn't need it to fraudulently get Medicare reimbursement.

Court documents said Erik Santos, 49, of Braselton, Georgia, engaged in a large-scale scheme to defraud the government by soliciting and receiving payments from companies involved in medical testing in exchange for steering people to those companies for expensive tests that Medicare would pay for.

Prosecutors said he was already getting kickbacks for unnecessary cancer screenings when the pandemic hit.

Prosecutors said Santos told a government informant during a March 19 phone call that "while there are people going through what they are going through, you can either go bankrupt or you can prosper," and added, "Everybody has been chasing the COVID dollar bird."

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! We are only conducting this second online meeting for the duration of this unholy virus infecting the landscape. But that said, my fellow zealots are not taking this thing seriously. So with that in mind we’re going to take a look at some incidents around the country that will show that this is the work of GAWD. Now GAWD wants people to come together. He truly wants that. But in this time of pandemic and isolation, that’s incredibly hard to do. However, the people who pray to JAYSUS are , well, lost to the message right now. See, if we stay at home, the virus goes away sooner. But if we keep congregating, this is going to go on months. Which would you rather have? I know which my choice and the choice of our LAWRD would be!

As Liberty University’s spring break was drawing to a close this month, Jerry Falwell Jr., its president, spoke with the physician who runs Liberty’s student health service about the rampaging coronavirus.

“We’ve lost the ability to corral this thing,” Dr. Thomas W. Eppes Jr. said he told Mr. Falwell. But he did not urge him to close the school. “I just am not going to be so presumptuous as to say, ‘This is what you should do and this is what you shouldn’t do,’” Dr. Eppes said in an interview.

So Mr. Falwell — a staunch ally of President Trump and an influential voice in the evangelical world — reopened the university last week, igniting a firestorm. As of Friday, Dr. Eppes said, nearly a dozen Liberty students were sick with symptoms that suggested Covid-19, the disease caused by the virus. Three were referred to local hospital centers for testing. An additional eight were told to self-isolate.

As of 8 p.m. on March 29, of those three students tested, one was positive, one was negative and one student’s results are still pending, according to Dr. Eppes, who added that the student who tested positive for Covid-19 lives off campus.

Yes, you need JAYSUS! And just because that one student lives off campus, that does not make it OK to do that, Falwell! Now here’s where actions have consequences! Jerry, you should have been punished by your almighty GAWD. But you didn’t listen. And now you will instead be punished by the state. And you do not want to be punished by the state. Because, as I said, actions have consequences!

Virginia’s governor on Monday ordered all higher education institutions to stop any in-person instruction amid the coronavirus pandemic, a move likely directed at Liberty University.

The evangelical college in Lynchburg led by President Jerry Falwell Jr. has faced intense criticism over its decision to welcome students back to campus last week after the end of their spring break. The vast majority of classes have been moved online, but the university has said publicly that in-person instruction was necessary for a few select courses.

“We are currently reviewing what the governor said but aren’t able to make a comment at this moment,” said Liberty spokesman Scott Lamb.

Lamb said he couldn’t immediately say whether any in-person instruction was continuing Monday, but the university’s website specifically mentioned that flight training for aeronautics courses would “remain in the traditional face to face format.”

Now see here’s where actions have consequences. Because Falwell did what he did, the governor of Virginia locked out all schools until this quarantine is over! Yeah, you got this in trouble for the rest of us, Jerry. Switching gears, let’s go over to our favorite state of Florida where a pastor has landed himself in some extremely hot water for violating the state and CDC rules on this sort of thing. See, this is why this thing is going to drag on months instead of weeks.

Megachurch Pastor Rodney Howard-Browne and the River at Tampa Bay Church had been warned.

The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office received an anonymous tip that the pastor planned to hold services Sunday in violation of county orders asking residents to stay home and limit gatherings to slow the coronavirus. Sheriff’s officials said they warned church lawyers on Friday and Sunday about the “dangerous environment they were creating for their members and the community.”

But Howard-Browne, the self-proclaimed “Holy Ghost bartender” and COVID-19 conspiracy theorist, ignored those warnings. He held two large services on Sunday, deputies said, and even bused people in to the church at 3738 River International Drive.

The church live-streamed the morning “Main Event” service on its Facebook page, showing congregants shoulder-to-shoulder while the church band played.

Yeah probably! But the good LAWRD JAYSUS wouldn’t put people in jeopardy like that. though, but look at that almighty palace of a church though! Wouldn’t you want to worship there, now? Well considering the toxic politics of the main pastor we wouldn’t. Though here’s why this is a bad idea no matter which way you look at it. Let’s go back to Virginia where another pastor threatens to break curfew.

Right-wing pastor E.W. Jackson posted a video on Facebook last night in which he vowed to hold services this Sunday at his The Called Church in Chesapeake, Virginia, in defiance of the stay-at-home order issued Monday by Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam in an effort to slow the spread of the COVID-19 coronavirus.

Jackson, who has been promising members of his congregation that they will not become infected by the virus because they are protected by God, declared that Northam’s executive order is nothing more than a blatant attempt to permanently close down churches and vowed to defy it, even as fellow right-wing pastor Rodney Howard-Browne was arrested yesterday for holding services in defiance of a similar order in Florida.

“[They] couldn’t figure out how to shut these churches down and shut them up, but [they] finally got an excuse to do so,” Jackson fumed. “We’re going to have our worship services. We are. We’ve got enough room in our sanctuary for the numbers showing up to do social distancing, but I am not going to stop worshiping God, we are not going to stop gathering together because I don’t believe that any governor has the constitutional authority to tell me we can’t.”

Oh yeah, let them be mad. The sooner we get this over with the better! That’s it this week, mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Twitter Vs James Woods
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Now Twitter, what did you learn? You knew that James Woods is a toxic asshole but you let him out of the bag anyways. And guess what? You learned nothing. In fact not only did you not learn nothing, this is what one might call a “circular firing squad”. Because what he did to Florida’s Andrew Gillum, who is currently suffering from his own mess, might be what one would call “rubbing salt in the wound”. And not only did Mr. Woods rub some salt in the wound. We’ve talked a lot about celebrities being banned from Twitter and their love-hate affair with social media. But this might take things to a whole new extreme. Hold your boos.

Citing violations against the social media site's internal rules, Twitter locked the account @RealJamesWoods, limiting the actor's ability to use the platform. While locked, account holders cannot tweet or retweet, but can still browse the social media platform.

"We may ask you to complete certain actions before we start the countdown on your limited state," Twitter explains in its Help Center. "These actions may include verifying your email address, adding a phone number to your account, or removing Tweets that are in violation of our rules."

While the exact conditions of Woods' lock are unknown, a screenshot circulating on social media suggest that his account was temporarily locked for a tweet about the former Tallahassee mayor and 2018 Florida gubernatorial candidate.

"Just remember, this could have been Florida's governor in the midst of the #WuhanCoronaVirus pandemic," Woods wrote in the tweet. "Make sure you vote #Republican in November like your life depends on it. Because it does."

But it wasn't Woods' words that prompted the ban. Along with the tweet, Woods also shared a photograph allegedly related to a Miami Beach Police Department report. Early in March, police were called to a hotel after midnight and found Gillum inebriated alongside a man suffering from a possible drug overdose. Police found suspected crystal meth in the hotel room, which Gillum denied using in a prepared statement released to the press.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Of course you already knew that James Woods was a pompous, self-serving asshole. The perfect mind for Trump to attract. But James Woods wasn’t the only prominent conservative being banned from posting on Twitter. Look at what happened when Rudy Giuliani broke Twitter’s now heavily reinforced rule about hawking misinformation about COVID-19.

Twitter removed a message by Rudy Giuliani, President Donald Trump's personal attorney, for spreading misinformation about the coronavirus and making groundless attacks on Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer.

In the tweet on Friday, Giuliani quoted conservative youth activist Charlie Kirk, who claimed that an unproven anti-malaria drug, hydroxychloroquine "in at least three international tests was found 100% effective in treating the coronavirus," according to screen shots of the message published by Mediate.

He went on to quote Kirk claiming that Whitmer, who in recent days has been targeted in attacks by Trump, is "threatening" doctors who prescribe the drug.

The drug has also been touted by Trump as a potential coronavirus cure — but doctors have warned that it can cause cardiac arrhythmia, a condition that can be fatal for patients with heart conditions.

Twitter confirmed to multiple news outlets that it had temporarily locked the account and removed the tweet.

Yeah so here’s the thing, conservatives. You can whine and cry all you want about “shadow banning” (not a thing). You can claim that there’s a social media war against conservatives (again, also not a thing). But in the end, just like a bad breakup, you have to tell yourself “It’s not them, it’s me.”. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at what happened when The Federalist also tried to be complete dicks during this pandemic. Yeah, they actually went there!

On March 25, The Federalist published an article suggesting “controlled voluntary infection” -- similar to “chickenpox parties" -- as a potential solution to the coronavirus outbreak in the United States. The astoundingly irresponsible suggestion, hinging on the advice of an unlicensed dermatologist and businessman, is only the latest in The Federalist’s recklessly dangerous coronavirus coverage.

The article, written by Douglas A. Perednia, argues that the mitigation and suppression of the disease through tactics like social distancing will only cripple the economy for future generations and won’t resolve the problem in the long term. In order to avoid economic devastation and other issues, Perednia suggests that people voluntarily contract coronavirus to build herd immunity. Though the article identified Perednia as a physician in Oregon, his medical license has expired and he appears to have “spent the last 25 years as a businessman of various sorts.”

The article contradicts the harsh steps experts have warned need to be taken in order to avoid a nightmare scenario with coronavirus, and Twitter ultimately took down a tweet from The Federalist promoting the article (and locked its account) for violating rules on the spread of disinformation about COVID-19. (In a twisted coincidence, on the day the article was published, Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear lambasted individuals for taking part in a “coronavirus party,” where one person ended up testing positive for the virus.)

And let’s hope this doesn’t become a thing. Look, conservatives, it’s not social media sites, its’ you. It doesn’t matter if you’re James Woods or the Federalist. We’re all in this together. You can keep your social media accounts. Just don’t be a dick. Also, don’t hawk dangerously misleading information from a guy whose organization became famous for wearing diapers to promote safe spaces! So yeah every time you’re a dick on social media, you’re playing with fire. Just look at the last time James Woods got banned from Twitter.

President Donald Trump attacked social media websites after a number of conservatives and extremist figures were banned from platforms, saying that he was monitoring the situation.

Trump spent parts of Friday and Saturday criticizing Twitter and Facebook, declaring, "I am continuing to monitor the censorship of AMERICAN CITIZENS on social media platforms," he wrote on Twitter. Trump has repeatedly asserted that social media companies exhibit bias against conservatives, something the companies have rejected as untrue.

"It’s getting worse and worse for Conservatives on social media!" Trump wrote, following in another tweet, "This is the United States of America — and we have what’s known as FREEDOM OF SPEECH! We are monitoring and watching, closely!!

The president’s comments came after Facebook this week banned Louis Farrakhan, Alex Jones and other extremists, saying they violated its ban on “dangerous individuals.” The company also removed right-wing personalities Paul Nehlen, Milo Yiannopoulos, Paul Joseph Watson and Laura Loomer, along with Jones’ site, Infowars, which often posts false conspiracy theories. The latest bans apply both to Facebook’s main service and to Instagram and extend to fan pages and other related accounts.

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Hey everyone welcome to our first ever edition of a segment that we’re sure will take off – Conspiracy Corner! Yes, it’s the segment where we dissect the latest batshit nuttery from conservative conspiracy theorists. And you can rest assured that in this day and age where there’s a killer virus on the loose, the tin foil hat batshit will be flying hard and fast! And specifically I want to start by talking about a conspiracy that I knew nothing about until COVID hit Kathy Griffin last week, and the usual amount of hate coming from Trump trolls was exactly what I expected was there. But then there was this absolutely baffling conspiracy theory that I had no idea even existed until now. And this might be the single nuttiest thing they’ve come up with yet.

Right-wing “journalist” and Trump–worshiping conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin posted a video on YouTube last week in which she declared that the current COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak is really just a cover for the Trump administration to carry out the mass arrests long promised by QAnon, the right-wing conspiracy theory that posits that President Donald Trump has been working diligently to arrest countless prominent political, media, and business leaders for allegedly being part of a global satanic pedophile ring.

Crokin doubled down on this predication in a new video that she posted last night in which she and also speculated that celebrities like Tom Hanks and Idris Elba have contracted the virus by drinking adrenochrome that had been intentionally laced with the virus by “the white hats”—a computer security term used to refer to hackers who use their skills for good.

“I also believe that this virus was created by the cabal, specifically Bill Gates,” Crokin said. “I also believe that the good guys, the white hats, knew that they were going to release this virus, and they intercepted their plans to use this virus as a false flag. They are now using their plans with the virus against them by using the virus as an excuse to lock down the country and many other countries, so the military can go in and safely conduct these raids and military operations to sweep up these criminals.”

“There’s a lot of anons (i.e., believers in the QAnon conspiracy theory) that believe the white hats tainted the elite’s adrenochrome supply with the coronavirus, and that’s why so many members of the elite are getting the coronavirus,” she added. “Adrenochrome is a drug that the elites love. It comes from children. The drug is extracted from the pituitary gland of tortured children. It’s sold on the black market. It’s the drug of the elites. It is their favorite drug. It is beyond evil. It is demonic. It is so sick. So there is a theory that the white hats tainted the adrenochrome supply with the coronavirus.”

Absolutely! This might be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard coming from the Trump / Q crowd, and I’ve heard them say a lot of crazy shit. So their quest to find a global satanic pedophile ring has dwindled into believing that a tainted batch of a drug is made from the brainstems of children and aborted babies. See, this is what happens when we lack access to mental health facilities. They tend to become conspiracy theorists. So just how crazy are they lately? Well let’s ask Tom Hanks’ son, Chet.

Following a bizarre video posted to Instagram, Tom Hanks' son, Chet, now loses it completely over claims his family is involved with the Illuminati and the coronavirus.

After his mother and father were diagnosed with the coronavirus, Chet Hanks took to Instagram to post a shirtless video of himself where he offered an update about his parents' condition.

Conspiracy theorists immediately recognized the All-Seeing Eye of the Illuminati, aka the All-Seeing Eye of Horus, aka the All-Seeing Eye of Lucifer (in some circles), tattooed on the 29-year-old's chest.

The bizarre video saw Chet Hanks say that it came to his attention that a lot of Trump supporters realized the truth about him and his family, that they are Illuminati.

It also didn't help that his father, Tom Hanks, dropped the number "201" in a tweet about the coronavirus, as right around the release of the Coronavirus in China, the World Economic Forum and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation hosted Event 201, a high-level pandemic exercise on October 18, 2019, in New York, NY.

Yes, you absolutely sound insane, oh followers of the Q! I think I get it now – Tom Hanks is using 5G technology to send tainted batches of adrenochrome to his fellow celebrities so they purposefully get Coronavirus as part of an illuminati plot to destroy Trump! It’s so obvious now! Except of course for that part about nothing in that sentence being true. But this whole thing is all part of a massive disinformation campaign.

Scientific warnings are being ignored, misinformation is spreading, and prominent Republicans have said that addressing the problem is either too expensive or too difficult. No, this isn’t climate change: This is the new reality of the novel coronavirus, the deadly pandemic sweeping the planet.

Over the past several weeks, as global cases of COVID-19 have climbed to over 500,000, conspiracy theories and fake news have also been on the rise. On Monday a man died after ingesting chloroquine phosphate, an ingredient in an anti-malarial drug that President Trump had heralded as a coronavirus cure.

Meanwhile, the website Snopes has been forced to scale back its fact-checking work in response to the overwhelming number of fake stories around the pandemic. (Some disturbing highlights: claims that the coronavirus was released by world governments to distract from a planet-ending doomsday asteroid, or that breathing hot air from a hair dryer can kill the virus.)

But these wild conspiracy theories hide a larger problem: widespread skepticism about the severity of the crisis. President Trump downplayed the risk of the virus for months, saying the situation was “very much under control” and that the pandemic would go away by April. Anchors on Fox News initially denied that the coronavirus was a significant threat, calling concerned scientists and policymakers “panic pushers” conspiring to take down the president. Sean Hannity referred to it as “a new hoax.”

Dude, come on, you know things are bullshit when you overload Snopes. I mean that’s a site dedicated to tracking bullshit! You broke the fact checker, conspiracy theorists! I hope you are happy with yourselves! But this has opened up a can of worms that should not have been opened! Here’s the thing people, keep your god damn fake news and conspiracy theories to yourself. You want to see where this is leading? Let’s head to Iran to find out!

Two peculiarities to Iran are undercutting its response. One, Iranian scientists say, is U.S.-led sanctions that cripple the country’s ability to import drugs and protective gear or produce them at home. “It’s medical terrorism imposed on Iranian civilians,” fumes Mohammad Kazem Jafari, president of the International Institute of Earthquake Engineering and Seismology in Tehran. The other is self-inflicted: Iranian media has been awash with dubious “cures” for COVID-19—hundreds of Iranians reportedly have died or become blind after consuming bootleg methanol—and rhetoric dismissing the outbreak as a Western plot. “It’s a high-stakes battle between science and conspiracy theories,” says Kaveh Madani, an Iran specialist at Yale University and formerly a senior environmental official in Iran.

Iran reported its first confirmed COVID-19 cases on 19 February: two fatalities in the holy city of Qom. Many observers suspect the virus had gained a foothold earlier, and its spread may have been accelerated by rallies across Iran on 11 February to mark the anniversary of the 1979 revolution that drew hundreds of thousands of people, then by parliamentary elections 10 days later. Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei implored Iranians to come to the polls—the virus, he said, was being used as a pretext “to discourage people from voting.”

As the disease spread, Iran’s health ministry teamed up with the military and volunteers to equip and staff more than 1200 centers nationwide to screen for infected individuals, says Reza Malekzadeh, vice minister for research. But the government resisted imposing social distancing. President Hassan Rouhani on 25 February called the novel coronavirus “one of the enemy’s plots to bring our country into closure by spreading panic.”

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. And while we’re all sidelined by the Coronavirus, you can rest assured that there’s no shortage of stupid people even while we’re all quarantined. And not only are we learning that people are dumb, we’re also learning that people are gross. Now I don’t want to report this as being stupid but in this day and age where there’s a supervirus living among us, this kind of thing just flat out should not happen. So here’s the thing, while people are inexplicably buying toilet paper, others are coming up with some various ways to cope. So much that the EPA is issuing a statement saying “don’t do this!!!!”.

The all-caps message on the new sign that went up in Redding, California, after the coronavirus came to town could not be any clearer: ONLY FLUSH TOILET PAPER.

It made its debut last week on the corner of Smile Place and Russell Street after a desperate soul clogged one of the city’s sewer lines by wiping with pieces of shredded T-shirt — and flushing them down the toilet, the city confirmed.

Quick work by members of the city’s Department of Public Works averted what could have been a smelly disaster, officials there said.

“The sewer line that had plugged up last week was not substantially different than any other sewer blockage from people flushing products that they aren’t supposed to, just that it was during the toilet paper shortage and was intentionally flushed in lieu of traditional toilet paper,” Ryan Bailey, assistant director of public works, said in an email to NBC News. “The item was specifically cut T-shirts.”

What happened in Redding is not an anomaly.

There have been reports of sewage systems and toilets clogging across the country as Americans faced with a shortage of toilet paper have resorted to using baby wipes, paper towels, napkins and tissues — and flushing them away.

Yes, listen to the great Cornholio. By using anything other than TP, and flushing that thing down the toilet, you are putting your life in danger. Speaking of people putting other people’s lives in danger, don’t be like this next moron. It’s one thing to accidentally cough in a public place, it’s another thing to intentionally cough. And in the days of Coronavirus and social distancing, that’s actually putting someone’s life in danger.

At a time when grocery store workers and truck drivers are putting in long hours and selflessly risking COVID-19 exposure to keep the shelves in our communities stocked, a "very twisted prank" just forced a supermarket in Pennsylvania to throw away practically their entire inventory of fresh produce.

"Today was a very challenging day," Joe Fasula, the co-owner of Gerrity's Supermarkets, posted on the store's Facebook page Wednesday. "At 2:20 PM today, I got a call from our Hanover Township store. The manager informed me that a woman, who the police know to be a chronic problem in the community, came in to the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and a small section of our bakery, meat case and grocery. While there is little doubt this woman was doing it as a very twisted prank, we will not take any chances with the health and well-being of our customers. We had no choice but to throw out all product she came in contact with."

The supermarket is now working with their local health inspector to ensure that they have identified and properly disinfected each of the areas that the woman potentially contaminated. They say, as a result, they have had to throw out more than $35,000 worth of food — a devastating thought at a time when many Americans are lining up to shop for necessities.

Yeah let’s save the boos for a new segment: “People Are Awful”. Speaking of people who are fucking awful, there’s the Coronavirus challenge going around. Yes, people think getting a deadly disease that fries your lungs is fucking hilarious. Just ask Tate Reeves and Key Ivey. It’s hilarious don’t you think? I mean well just ask these people who gathered at an Arkansas church. Gee, shocking, don’t you think?

Nearly three dozen people who attended a recent children's event at a church in Arkansas have tested positive for the coronavirus, according to church officials.

Donald Shipp, a deacon at First Assembly of God church in Greers Ferry, about 75 miles north of Little Rock, told the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette that 34 people who attended the event in early March at the Cleburne County church had tested positive for the coronavirus, and that an unknown number of others were awaiting test results.

... snip ...

"Even though we were the original positives, there are people who have been sick longer than we have," he said. "It clearly made its way through a special weekend of children’s ministry at our church."

He requested that people pray for health care workers, and he advised that people "take this medical threat more seriously."

"Maybe you assumed that it couldn’t happen to you, just like I did," he wrote. "Please adhere to the social instructions that you are receiving locally and nationally."

Read more: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1169471

Finally this week for the People Are Dumb category – I’m not even going to mention the fucking idiot who licked a toilet seat or the guy who used a fake tongue to lick a subway pole – you already know those guys are stupid. This time, our entrant into the People Are Dumb category – is Boris Johnson, yes, the PM of England. I always wondered which of our ragtag group of leaders would end up in this file, and I always assumed that it would be Trump. But then Boris Johnson comes along and says “Hold my pint of Boddingtons!”.

Whitty, who has appeared alongside Johnson at many of the daily press conferences held at Downing Street in the past two weeks, said he would spend the next week at home. "After experiencing symptoms compatible with COVID-19 last night, in line with the guidance, I will be self-isolating at home for the next seven days. I will be continuing to advise the Government on the medical response to Coronavirus, supported by my deputies," Whitty wrote on his Twitter page.

The announcements come just over a week after a top government adviser on the virus, Neil Ferguson, said he believed he had been infected and warned: "There is a lot of Covid-19 in Westminster," referring to the area of London that is home to the UK Parliament and other government premises.

Ferguson had met with the Prime Minister, as well as Whitty, and Chief Scientific Adviser Patrick Vallance. It was unclear, however, where Johnson may have contracted the virus.
Days earlier, the heir to the UK throne, Prince Charles, revealed that he had contracted the virus and was isolating himself at his estate in Scotland.

Johnson had been criticized for continuing to shake people's hands in public while government advice was to keep around two meters away from other people. The Prime Minister, Whitty and Vallance have been giving regular in-person press conferences to journalists on the virus after meetings.

Seriously, if this guy who was with BoJo was the health inspector? Is it any wonder why we’re fucked for the foreseeable future? I wish I had my staff here because someone really needs to pry my hand from my face. I know. That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2020 Round 1 Week 1
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16 states will enter and only one will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back! Well, well, well. It has been quite the eventful Round 1 hasn’t it? If you’re wondering where you’re at so far, you can find the updated bracket posted weekly at the @10Idiots Twitter feed through the rest of the tournament. Last week, Nebraska stunned Tennessee to advance to the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference championship. Meanwhile, over in the Gun Nut Conference, New Mexico hung on to defeat Missouri to advance to the Gun Nut Conference Championship! This week, Florida and Oregon duel it out for Gun Nut supremacy and the right to play New Mexico, while over in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, #1 Michigan goes for broke against red hot #2 Pennsylvania! Let’s go live to the floor of the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans for all the action!

[font size="4"]Oregon:[/font]

Folks, you might be thinking “Hey! Oregon is a blue state! Why are they here?”. Well, Oregon is home to that most liberal bastion of cities, the almighty Portland. But they’re also home to some of the country’s most extreme militia groups like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers. But once you get outside the major cities, there is a venerable melting pot of some of our favorite people like anti-government extremists and doomsday preppers. But in the day and age of Coronavirus how are things holding up in that part of the world?

He had never owned a gun before, but last week, a Pendleton man decided it was time.

John Battenfield went to the local farm and ranch supply store to make the purchase. After waiting a couple of days for his background check to clear, he returned and picked up the gun.

He was one of thousands around the state that day to do so.

In the one month since the coronavirus reached Oregon, waves of layoffs and social restrictions have given rise to panicked buying. Oregonians are stocking up in bulk on household and health care items like toilet paper, hand sanitizer and bottled water. But they’re also buying guns and ammunition in staggering numbers.

The state police department has seen a sudden surge of requests to perform background checks required to purchase firearms. Gun store owners attribute the increase in sales to visits from regular customers, but say many people are also coming in to buy their first gun. One county law enforcement agency said similar spikes happen when people fear lawmakers might pass new gun restrictions.

Well in this case they might not be compensating. But there was that insane plan to split Oregon because conservatives can dish it out, but they sure as hell can’t take it. When you come at them, they scream and cry and run the other way. Because when you get a bunch of gun nuts in the room, this happens. Much like that insane plan to split Virginia in two.

La PINE, Ore. (KTVZ) -- A retired La Pine nurseryman is a chief petitioner for the latest secession movement to draw attention in the West, a bid to add much of Oregon's southern, central and eastern counties into Idaho -- not including Bend or Sisters, but including Redmond, Madras and Prineville.

The Oregonian noted in its story Monday about the "Move Oregon's Border for a Greater Idaho" movement that there's always "talk of secession in the air," such as the long-standing Cascadia effort and the call for a conservative, rural state of Jefferson.

Mike McCarter, the La Pine resident who's helping lead the latest effort, told the paper he's backed the state of Jefferson movement, but doesn't see secession happening.

Instead, he's shooting for something far less constitutionally sticky -- moving a state's borders. He noted that's happened on a smaller scale in past decades elsewhere in the country.

[font size="4"]Florida:[/font]

Ah, the Sunshine State. America’s most penis shaped state of Florida is always good for bringing the insanity. And guns. Boy, do they have a lot of guns in Florida. Our 2018 Stupidest State champion has rebuilt their team and heavily armed them. Once again, as we have reported all around the country, Florida has seen a rise in the sale of guns. That is probably true anywhere, but Miami is going to be in for a very long and rocky ride through this whole pandemic.

The coronavirus pandemic is defining for the globe what's “essential” and what things we really can't do without, even though we might not need them for survival.

Attempting to slow the spread of the virus, authorities in many places are determining what shops and services can remain open. They're also restricting citizens from leaving their homes. Stay-at-home orders or guidance are affecting more than one-fifth of the world's population.

This has left many contemplating an existential question: What, really, is essential?

Whether it is in Asia, Europe, Africa or the United States, there's general agreement: Health care workers, law enforcement, utility workers, food production and communications are generally exempt from lockdowns.

But some lists of exempted activities reflect a national identity, or the efforts of lobbyists.

It’s good to know that in the age of pandemic that America has its’ priorities. Well, at least France’s are less violent. So what’s selling during this time of pandemic? Oh, just the essentials. Not so much food and anything necessary to survive. But instead, it loves guns, booze, and toilet paper. Yes, guns, booze, and toilet paper are what is selling. I’m going to need a lot more booze to get through this thing.

In tough times, we love toilet paper, guns and booze. Those are the obvious takeaways from the past few weeks.

TP remains elusive enough that an over-anxious Publix shopper elbowed me and the man in front of me to grab a 12-pack of the soft stuff on the weekend. Just the thought that he might not get one of the hundreds of packs lining the shelf sent him into survival mode. He nearly trampled a white-haired woman when he moved on to paper towels, also in abundant supply that day.

Gun shops report a brisk business, so brisk that popular calibers of ammunition are being rationed.

And then there’s alcohol. Apparently, shelter-in-place is a lot more palatable with a bottle of Jack Daniels — or three. Sales at stores nationwide were up nearly 28 percent for wine, 27 percent for liquor and 14 percent for beer in the week that ended March 14, according to Nielsen, which compiles data on what consumers watch and buy.

Virtual happy hours, where people visit with friends and family using video calling services like Zoom, appear to be helping prop up sales. Online scheduling platform Doodle recorded a 296 percent increase in the boozy meetings in March compared to February, CNBC reported.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is: :[/font]

Oh my god, ladies and gentlemen, we have an upset brewing! Florida has trounced Oregon by a score of 25! And this might be the highest score of the tournament so far. Final score – 119 – 94! Both teams gave it their all, but the almighty Florida will advance.

[font size="4"]Michigan:[/font]

So Michigan is a longtime staple of the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. If you want to see where the Koch and Heritage Foundation talking points are leading, look no further than the city of Flint, where the city still has no functioning water supply. And in this day and age, having viable drinking water is very important. They’re also hurting for money, and when Trump comes to town, he leaves behind a trail of destruction and debt.

Battle Creek released to the public how much it spent hosting President Trump for a rally in December.

The City spent approximately $93,000 on the presidential campaign rally.

According to the city, over 95 percent of that money was spent on staffing.

The rally was staffed by members of the fire department, police department, city building maintenance, The Department of Public Works, Battle Creek Executive Airport at Kellogg Field, and Battle Creek Transit.

The amount spent on staffing does not include the amount of time and resources used by salaried staff to plan for the event.

The city said the other 5 percent of costs were spent on supplies to make the event possible and safe, like barricades and cinder blocks, city vehicles, and translation into Spanish and Burmese.

The total cost estimated by the city does not include the cost of using the venue.

The city does not have to pay to use the venue, since they own it, but does have to pay for operation.

So those MAGA rallies aren’t exactly all that they’re made out to be. But this is why elections matter – any other governor in the country would have succumbed to this, but Michigan has Gretchen Whitmer, who is proving to be one of the cooler heads through this tragedy. But yes, elections matter at every single level. Or else!

The Michigan Chamber of Commerce and other business groups are warning Gov. Gretchen Whitmer about potential repercussions of a blanket stay-at-home order that would force employers to temporarily halt operations.

Governors in California, Illinois and New York have already issued orders to keep people at home unless they have essential reasons for leaving in order to stem the spread of COVID-19. Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine on Sunday announced that he will enact an order to stay at home starting Tuesday. Supporters of the orders say they are key necessary to combat a virus that could overwhelm hospitals. On Friday, Whitmer said Michigan was not at the point "where a shutdown is needed."

Rich Studley, president and CEO of the Michigan Chamber, wrote a letter to Whitmer on Friday recommending, "at this time," against an order "that most if not all 877,000 businesses in Michigan should be closed while a select few are allowed to stay open."

"We cannot risk a disruption in the supply chain or a break in the distribution cycle," Studley wrote. "In addition, many businesses have non-interruptible operations and those operations need to be protected as we move forward.

[font size="4"]Pennsylvania:[/font]

The Keystone State are long time conservative idiocy champions. They are home to two of the biggest cities in the country – Philadelphia and Pittsburgh. It’s also home to mountain towns and coal mining towns, all of which have been ransacked by reckless Koch policies. So here’s how much that line of thinking is hurting the Keystone State. Did you think that a diet tax on soda would stop people from drinking soda? No? Neither did we!

Philadelphia’s tax on soda and other sweetened beverages has not reduced residents’ consumption of such drinks, according to a new study.

Philadelphians reported a slight but not statistically significant decrease in sugary beverage consumption compared with residents of nearby cities without a tax, Drexel University researchers found in surveys taken before and after the tax took effect.

“We have ample evidence that sugary beverages are connected to type 2 diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease, and other health issues, but we’re seeing that raising the price of sugary beverages may not impact consumers who don’t drink a lot of soda,” Amy Auchincloss, an associate professor at Drexel’s Dornsife School of Public Health, said in a statement about the research.

Philadelphia became the first large U.S. city to pass a tax on soda in 2016. Mayor Jim Kenney championed the tax as a means of funding pre-K, community schools, and improvements to parks, recreation centers, and libraries. Public health advocates praised Philadelphia’s levy and have pointed to taxes on soda as a means of reducing consumption and improving residents’ health.

Read more: https://www.inquirer.com/politics/philadelphia/philadelphia-soda-tax-drexel-study-20200227.html

Yeah so that happened. Even worse is when your travel budget is so overblown that you have to spend money to figure out how to spend money! Ever wonder why we’re in a bureaucracy? Well, let’s look at a level of money spending that is to figure out how a department spends money. It’s Inception, but for accountants and auditors!

Pennsylvania’s largest pension fund is auditing its travel expenses after reporting by the Capital-Star revealed opaque expense records for cross-country travel.

The Pennsylvania Public School Employees’ Retirement System board’s audit committee approved the deep dive Friday during a meeting in Harrisburg.

“We’re trying to make sure there is no independence question,” Rep. Frank Ryan, R-Lebanon, and chair of PSERS’ audit committee, said. Ryan said the report should focus on “operational red flags” in the travel, paid for by taxpayers and booked by an investment partner.

The committee’s request follows reporting by the Capital-Star that revealed limited expense records of travel to Los Angeles.

Read more: https://www.penncapital-star.com/government-politics/teacher-pension-fund-to-audit-travel-expenses-over-la-trips/

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is: :[/font]

Ooh this is a close one, but Michigan is going to hang on to advance to Round 2. Final score – 83 – 77.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

It’s the final week of Round 1 and this time we’re live in Lexington, Kentucky at the home of the UK Wildcats, where Idaho goes stir crazy against South Carolina in a battle for Batshit supremacy, while over in the Family Values Conference, Indiana is praying for a win against Ohio and the right play Alabama in the conference championship! It’s getting exciting folks!

Thank you very much for being with us through this home edition! It’s unfortunately going to be like this for the next few weeks. But we will get through it! Yes, we will. See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank, CA
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Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Apr 1, 2020, 05:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-11: Do The Fauci Facepalm Edition (Mini edition!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-11: Do The Fauci Facepalm Edition (Mini edition!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Well hello everyone. So of course as you know during the Great Quarantine that the Coronavirus has brought life as we know it to a literal stand still until we figure out, what the fuck is going on. There’s nothing. No concerts, no sporting events, no conferences, no conventions, no weddings, no funerals, no beach parties, and really no fun at all. There’s limited air travel. There’s no going out. I could go on and on. But you already know that. and this week we can’t bring you the full and proper Idiots that you know and love. But we will hopefully be back on April 1st. Which, in my opinion, can’t fucking get here soon enough. But as of right now all of our tour dates are being called off which sucks. And I will say that we will still bring you the comedy but from a much smaller scale than what you’re used to. At least for the remainder of this season. Hopefully as the news gets better and we will start to see the horrifying curve flatten we will get back to doing our program live as you know it. That said this week we’re going to bring back the mini edition of the Top 10 – we’re doing a Top 4. Because let’s face it, the Great Quarantine has just sucked, but there’s plenty of stupid people who still exist. And that’s what we’re here for ultimately isn’t it? We can at least laugh at the stupid. And there’s plenty of other conservative idiocy which we will get to. And I’m like you – the sooner things get back to some sort of normalcy, the better. But first normally this is where I would show a clip from a talk show but instead I will show one of my current favorite podcasts – The Christopher Titus Podcast and his take on what’s going on this week:

So this week our Top10 is being reduced to a Top 4. And there’s no live music to act as the palate cleanser this week or for the next couple. In the number one slot this week, we are going to have a new edition of People Who Somehow Got Elected, and this week, we’re profiling Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (1), who is doing an extremely poor job of shutting down Florida’s beaches during Spring Break and the pandemic. In the second slot this week, we’re going to show you some of the insane things going on during the Quarantine and how you can escape boredom or not in a piece that we’re calling “Quarantine Life” (2). In the third slot this week is an all new, stripped down Holy Shit (no gospel choir) and our resident pastor is going to tell you how the Christian right is dealing with the quarantine, and yeah, the response is exactly what we would expect. Finally this week it’s the next round of Stupidest State Round 1 Week 2! This week, it’s corporate greed vs the almighty gun. In the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, #3 Tennessee takes on #4 Nebraska, while in the Gun Nut Conference, #3 New Mexico takes on #4 Missouri! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Ron DeSantis: People Who Somehow Got Elected
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Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:

This week – Florida governor Ron DeSantis. We’ve previously profiled Gov. DeSantis in previous installments. But this week, he took the insanity to an entire new world. While the rest of the country is on lockdown, Floridians and people visiting Florida have been partying at Spring Break. But in the last week, pictures have been emerging and have been well, unsettling in the day and age of COVID-19. And he’s not backing down. While the rest of the country is in a state of emergency, Florida is, well, confused as to what it wants to do. Because it is, after all, Florida. And what does that entitle exactly? Well, you’re on your own and SOL apparently.

When he took office on Jan. 8, 2019, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, a Republican, declared: “I will only appoint judges who understand the proper role of the courts is to apply the law and Constitution as written, not to legislate from the bench.” Does DeSantis believe he’s also bound by the law? The answer appears to be no. On Monday, the governor will violate the state constitution. And it’s not a close question.

In November, Justices Barbara Lagoa and Robert Luck, whom DeSantis appointed to the Florida Supreme Court, resigned to take seats on a federal appellate court. The governor’s office issued a letter to convene the court’s judicial nominating commission, which vets applicants and sends a list of nominees to the governor, on Nov. 25. The JNC had 60 days from that date to send the governor a certified list of nominees. It did so on Jan. 23.

The Florida Constitution tells us in Article V, Subsection 11(c), what comes next: “The governor shall make the appointment within sixty days after the nominations have been certified to the governor.” (Emphasis added.) We all know what shall means: The governor must appoint new justices by or on March 23.

Yet DeSantis does not share that understanding of the simple word. As a result of the coronavirus pandemic, DeSantis declared a state of emergency on March 9. Last Thursday, the governor announced at a press conference that he was extending the deadline: “I will most likely delay, under the state of emergency, that deadline, probably push it back to May 1.” DeSantis claims that his time is better spent on the emergency, and that he hasn’t had time to read the nominees’ writings—but he has interviewed all of them.

Yeah we might as well just cut Florida off and get on with it. No, we’re kidding. We love Florida. But we do not love Gov. Ron DeSantis, or his nearby fellow governor Tate Reeves. Who we will profile in a future edition. But Florida Gov. DeSantis is a crazy person. So as you can imagine Florida is handling this situation very poorly. And as you can imagine it’s taking him long enough.

The golden sands along Florida's coasts have long been one of the state's greatest resources, helping Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis oversee a tourism mecca that brings in more than $40 billion a year.

But as the coronavirus pandemic halts American life, those same sun-scorched beaches, and the crowds they draw, are currently at the heart of some of the harshest criticism aimed at him.

DeSantis has avoided issuing a statewide mandate to close the beaches in Florida, instead showing deference to local municipalities to make that decision. On Thursday, during a visit to a mobile coronavirus testing facility in South Florida, DeSantis issued his strongest condemnation of spring breakers partying on the beach.

"Spring break's done," he said of his order to limit gatherings on beaches to no more than 10 people. "Any place to go for bars and all this, done. They don't have a place to go."

DeSantis did not, however, close the beaches, arguing the choice on what to do about beaches "probably needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis."

The party should be the least of your worries right now. In fact if you think things can’t get any crazier in Florida right now, just take a look at what is happening at Florida airports. Rather than issue an out of state travel ban which is what should have been done, Florida instead is requiring a mandatory quarantine for travelers from one specific area. And that area happens to be New York City. Never mind if you’re from anywhere else. And it’s screwing up airports, which you can imagine, are already screwed up.

The Orlando International Airport on Tuesday said it supports Gov. Ron DeSantis’ executive order that mandates a 14-day quarantine for any travelers coming to Florida from New York, Connecticut and New Jersey, in an effort to slow the spread of coronavirus, although several questions remain about enforcing the measure.

“We support Gov. DeSantis’ order as a means to implement measures that promote the safety, security and health of our passengers and employees,” said Phil Brown, chief executive officer of the Greater Orlando Aviation Authority. “For our part, we mobilized quickly overnight (Monday) to accommodate the executive order and are prepared to work with the Department of Health in screening passengers as they arrive in Orlando.”

Orlando airport officials said there are about 45 daily direct flights from New York, Connecticut and New Jersey, receiving the majority of the airport’s domestic passengers from the northeast region, particularly the Greater New York area.

Airport leaders are currently coordinating with state health officials and the National Guard to finalize actions necessary to enforce the order, according to a news release.

Yes, the party is over for Florida for the foreseeable future. But have no fear! It’s all good, according to Governor DeSantis! Just keep calm and go about your business. Because it’s no matter that the fears surrounding the coronavirus aren’t justified! No, it’s the economy, stupid! And that’s all that matters to fiscal conservatives. Which is exactly what Ron DeSantis is, and why things aren’t going to change in Florida in the future.

In a news conference Saturday, Gov. Ron DeSantis laid out some of his plans to fight the spread of the coronavirus in Florida, hoping to ease the worries of residents in the Sunshine State.

As of Saturday, the Florida Department of Health has reported 763 Florida-related cases of COVID-19, with the most confirmed cases in South Florida. According to the FDOH, 164 cases have been reported in Broward County. The governor said 156 cases have been confirmed in Miami-Dade County. Twelve Florida COVID-19 patients have died from the virus, according to the governor.

The surge to more than 750 Florida cases, reported by state officials at 6 p.m. Saturday, shows a spike of more than 50 cases since the Florida Department of Health’s 11 a.m. update on Saturday.

The department updates its numbers online at 11 a.m. and 6 p.m. daily.

As the number of cases in Florida continues to swell, the governor is revealing some of his plans to fight the further spread of the virus and give worried Floridians some peace of mind.

With such pristine leadership as this, is it any wonder why we’re fucked? And it could all be because of Florida Gov. DeSantis, who is yet another in the ever long and growing list of:

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[font size="8"]Quarantine Life
[br] [/font]

OK, I lied, there really aren’t any upsides to quarantining. However, we here at the Top 10 urge you to help fight the spread and do your part. But you do get to see the sheer stupidity of people in a time of crisis like this. Like take for instance the daily press conferences that Trump has. So before we get into it, can we see that press conference from the other day?


Wow, this is insane. That was the exact moment where Dr. Fauci litereally became the Kif Kroker to Trump's Zapp Branagin. I mean that's the face that says "Dude, you're a fucking idiot". Let’s all do the Fauci facepalm. And you want to know who else is a fucking idiot? Let’s take for instance, Gamestop. Are they really an “essential business” as some are saying? I mean really how badly do you need to play the latest edition of Borderlands? Most of us real gamers buy it from Steam anyways. But yeah let’s put our employees and stores at risk, because profit!

The video game retailer will only take orders digitally through its website or mobile apps. The customers will have the option of e-commerce deliveries or curbside pickups.

"This is an unprecedented time and each day brings new information about the COVID-19 pandemic," GameStop chief executive officer George Sherman said in a statement. "Our priority has been and continues to be on the well-being of our employees, customers and business partners."

GameStop further said that all its hourly employees affected by this decision would be paid two weeks' worth of their pay irrespective of the hours they are required to work.

The Dallas-based company added that it would also reimburse benefit-eligible employees with one month of expenses.
Why It Matters

The change in GameStop's response comes days after it courted controversy by claiming to be "essential retail" that needed to remain open during the COVID-19 pandemic, even as authorities across the country imposed shelter-in-place requirements.

Yeah you might as well take your money and light it on fire at this point. But if you’re wondering if Gamestop is the last of businesses like these in the time of pandemic, then you’re not wrong. But as the economy continues to tank in the age of coronavirus, Trump and his lackeys might be gearing up to do something ridiculously dumb that could result in a lot of people ending up dead. Yeah Trump supporters, the “Obamacare is going to kill your grandma” crowd is going to get a lot of this. Bet you wish you had Obamacare now didn’t you?

As the international response to the coronavirus ramps up, the inevitable damage to the world economy is unavoidable. While common sense and simple human decency would suggest that stemming the spread of infections at the price of the economy is worth it, there are some, namely conservative voices in America, who don’t exactly agree.

Writing in The Week this Tuesday, Noah Millman cites the example of CNBC host Rick Santelli, who said earlier this month that “maybe we’d be just better off if we gave [coronavirus] to everybody, and then in a month it would be over because the mortality rate of this probably isn’t going to be any different if we did it that way than the long-term picture.” According to Santelli, otherwise we’d be “wreaking havoc on global and domestic economies.”

Millman writes that this same philosophy is what caused the UK to come under an avalanche of criticism for its response to the outbreak. The logic for this line of thinking says that the elderly are not the economy’s most productive citizens, and the economic impact of them dying earlier might even be positive. Also, reserving more urgent medical treatment for the young and economically viable would prevent the health system from being overwhelmed.

“I hope nobody would be comfortable making an argument like that explicitly,” Millman writes. “But it lurks in the background of the all-purpose dismissiveness voiced by the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity about the seriousness of the virus (who are following the President’s lead in doing so), or in pieces like this one by Heather Macdonald at the conservative cultural journal The New Criterion.”


Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! As if that’s not bad enough, oh it gets much worse than that! You know what? Let’s stop talking about the bad news. I’m tired of it. I want to talk about some good news. Yeah Trump may kill 20% of the population if we’re not careful. But let’s put some good news in this entry. Although if you’re a guy or a hot woman looking to make some money and you live in the Portland area, strip clubs are turning to alternative ways to deliver the boobs and entertainment to otherwise deprived gentlemen during this time of pandemic.

Social distancing be damned—Portland will not go without its strippers, even during a global pandemic.

Lucky Devil Lounge is bringing its dancers to your door with a new food delivery service it's calling—wait for it—"Boober Eats."

"I originally did it at first as a joke," says club owner Shon Boulden, "and it got 150 shares on Facebook—like nothing we've ever had before. So I was like, 'Well shit, why don't we just try to do this?'"

Lucky Devil has a full food menu and non-alcoholic drinks, like ginger beer and Red Bull, available for delivery. The process is similar to many the home drop-off systems that have sprung up overnight as a way for restaurants and breweries to continue operating during the health crisis: Simply peruse the menu online, give the business a call and place your order.

The twist comes when your food shows up. Instead of being greeted a harried driver in jeans and a hoodie, your meal is hand-delivered by two dancers.

"They'll wear pasties and booty shorts, drop off the food, dance for a second and then we'll move along," Boulden says. "We'll still stay a reasonable distance back. They have Lysol as well."

Yeah we can imagine that it probably lasts at least that long! But there is some good news – if you’re bored out of your mind, and looking for something to do, there is a place you can go that you probably haven’t thought about in years. That’s right – your local drive thru! Yes, when the regular movie theater is closed, your drive through can provide a safe space that is very accurately socially distanced!

Jen Philhower, 48, a part-time office manager in Austin, Texas, is one of the many Americans adjusting to almost every group activity being canceled, as people move indoors and into isolation to avoid spreading the novel coronavirus.

“My youngest goes to wilderness school, and even that is closed,” she said. “When even playing in the woods is closed, things start to feel a little strange.”

So Ms. Philhower was surprised — ecstatic, even — to see one group entertainment venue still open for business: the Blue Starlite, a local drive-in movie theater currently allowing 35 to park at one time.

Located on a hill with the Austin skyline in the background, the theater resembles a “cool junkyard,” according to Josh Frank, the owner, who opened it a decade ago. Since the virus hit the United States, the theater has screened movies including “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and “The Breakfast Club.”

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Wichita! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

Well, my fair congregation, this is something new. As you can plainly tell, we are not at our current venue or comfort zone. Our regular church is not being held this week. So that means, no congregation, no choir, no band, and most importantly, no collection plate. I mean come on, this is a church. We are not above our GAWD, the almighty dollar. But we are most certainly not below it either. Running a church gets costly after all. But you got to remember that in this day and age where there’s a deadly plague ravaging the earth, that you got to pray it away. Because after all, that’s what GAWD would have wanted, wouldn’t he?

Amid the global COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak, right-wing megachurch pastor Rodney Howard-Browne held Sunday services at his The River church in Tampa Bay, Florida, where he spent a good portion of his sermon spreading baseless conspiracy theories about the virus.

Howard-Browne, who was among evangelical leaders who laid hands upon and prayed over President Donald Trump in the Oval Office in 2017, insisted that holding services during the outbreak was a matter of constitutional principle and vowed to take the issue “all the way to the Supreme Court” should the government instruct churches to cease holding in-person services in an attempt to limit the spread of the coronavirus.

Repeatedly referring to the outbreak as a “phantom plague,” Howard-Browne insisted that the virus was created by the Chinese government while panic about it was fomented by the media because “they are run by the communists,” all in order to benefit “the money cartel” that supposedly made billions off the collapse of the U.S economy.

“So you produce this plague, you bring it into this country, and then it doesn’t have to be everywhere because the more they test, the more they’ll find people positive,” he said. “There’s a 75 percent chance that the positive [test] is actually a negative, and that’s the problem. The testing is not verifiable.”

And that devil, my friends, is Pastor Browne spreading some unbelievably stupid nonsense. You know in our last full and proper sermon, we pointed out how much fear and misinformation is out there in the open, and things can get really scary. But my fellow GAWD warriors are rallying around each other in these trying times. But this is the time when you shouldn’t be rallying around each other.

Dominionist Lou Engle called a three-day global fast to stop the coronavirus and prevent it from derailing prayer warriors’ plans for a series of rallies in tents and stadiums across the country between now and the U.S. presidential election.

In a message shared with Engle’s followers last Friday and promoted by CBN and the Elijah List newsletter Wednesday, Engle wrote, “It seems like a demonic force is fueling the rapid spread of the virus and the hysteria surrounding it.” He called for believers to fast from Wednesday to Friday.

Engle explained that he believes that 2020 “has been marked by the Holy Spirit as a year of Stadium Christianity and explosive advance of the Kingdom.” As Right Wing Watch has reported, a coalition of ministries is planning a series of events across the country, culminating in a march from land owned by the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri, to Arrowhead Stadium for a rally organized by The Send just weeks before the election.

The Send is the successor organization to The Call, the banner under which Engle organized political prayer rallies for years. The Send held its first rally in Orlando in February 2019, followed by a multi-stadium event in Brazil this February that was attended by the country’s far-right president, Jair Bolsonaro. The Send had another rally scheduled in Argentina on April 25, but that country’s government has banned large gatherings to slow the spread of the coronavirus.

Yeah really people are dying and all you care about is people who pray in a stadium? Look at us, we’re just a janky operation in an auditorium. But is that really what GAWD would want? You’re not Billy Graham, sir. And in fact while most of the economy is going crazy amid the virus panic, when only essential businesses are open, you know what is considered an essential business? Hobby Lobby! Yes, the store where you can buy personalized knick knacks and Joanna Gaines’ latest biography, that’s essential!

As major U.S. retailers temporarily shut their doors to help contain the coronavirus, Hobby Lobby is assuring consumers that it's safe to keep shopping. The arts-and-crafts chain is keeping stores open in states that have yet to order non-essential businesses to close.

On its website, Hobby Lobby stated that it's taking measures to keep shoppers and workers from becoming infected, including "enhanced cleaning" and a ban on international travel.

"If an employee is suspected of having COVID-19 based on symptoms and/or known direct or indirect exposure, we will send that employee for medical care and to self-isolate at home, and will promptly coordinate with public health officials," the company, which has a total of 900 stores around the U.S., said.


"We serve a God who will Guide us through this storm, who will Guard us as we travel to places never seen before, and who, as a result of this experience, will Groom us to be better than we could have ever thought possible before now," according to the publication, which included an image of the missive.

So they care more about stadium prayer rallies and keeping Hobby Lobby open than they do about the greater good of the human species! Now I’m certain that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would say otherwise about their stupidity. Now does it not say that in our Good Book? Why of course it does, I have it right here in my hand! But according to Christian “doctor” Steve Hotze, the easiest way to avoid the virus is to just not get it. See? It’s that simple!

Right-wing pastor E.W. Jackson interviewed religious-right activist Dr. Steve Hotze on his “The Awakening” radio program yesterday so his audience could hear from a “medical professional who also has a Christian worldview” about how best to respond to the current COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak.

Hotze, a long-time radical anti-LGBTQ activist in Texas, told Jackson’s listeners that they simply need to follow God’s instruction to keep their bodies healthy, which will give them a strong immune system that will prevent them from even contracting the disease.

Hotze said that despite recommendations to avoid personal contact to prevent the spread of the disease, “I shake every hand that I can because I want my immune system to be challenged every day so it builds strong health.”

“Am I crazy, or are they crazy?” Hotze asked, rhetorically. “Could I be right, and Harvard and all these CDC guys be wrong? Yeah, because they’re all conventional. They don’t talk about how you can keep yourself from getting sick … Why don’t you just not get it [the coronavirus]? Why don’t you just stay healthy?”

Yes, that’s right, sir! You are wrong, and not only that, you sound insane. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! We hope to be back live again real soon everybody! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Round 1 Week 2
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16 states will enter and only one will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back to Stupidest State 2020! Last week, it was Batshit and religion as both #1 seeds hung on to advance, with Virginia hanging on to defeat #2 Kentucky in a very close Batshit conference matchup. Meanwhile, our favorite Family Values champion and last year’s tournament champion Alabama routed Oklahoma to advance to the Elite 8! This week we’re live in Austin where it’s guns and greed! Over in the Gun Nut Conference, it’s a duel to the death as #3 New Mexico takes on #4 Missouri, while in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, #3 Tennessee takes on #Nebraska! Let’s go live to the floor at the home of the Texas Longhorns, the Frank C. Irwin Events Center in fabulous Austin, Texas for all the action!

[font size="4"]Fiscal Irresponsibility Semifinals: #3 Tennessee Vs #4 Nebraska[/font]

[font size="4"]Tennessee:[/font]

The Volunteer State has grown by leaps and bounds to become a favorite of the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. It’s home to such metropolises as Nashville, Memphis, and Knoxville. Tennessee is home to the good ol’ Smoky Mountains which means that they are home to the coal mines. And with coal mines comes – can you guess what? Coal mine CEOS! Which have just ravaged the TN economy while making things safer for their pocketbooks. But that said, COVID-19 has just drastically altered the way thing are going for just about everybody. But the good news – if you lost your job working in the coal mines, you can get a new job as – wait for it – a pizza deliveryman! Yes, pizza is doing gangbuster business right now with everyone staying at home!

Domino's locations in the greater Nashville area are looking to fill 300 positions as in-store dining options are suspended due to the COVID-19 outbreak.

There are 60 locations in the area, including Columbia and Clarksville, that have part time and full time openings. The positions include delivery drivers, customer service representatives, assistant managers and managers.

In the effort of social distancing, Domino's is providing an option for contactless delivery. Carryout is also still an option to those who are interested.

Hey! How did that baby get a pizza? So unless your dream career involves owning a Dominoes franchise, you may be screwed for the foreseeable future. That said, if you’re a sanitation worker, your situation may also be fucked. Because as the entire world is emphasizing cleanliness in the wake of COVID-19, the mayor of Memphis is announcing a shockingly evil move:

Memphis Mayor Jim Strickland applied pressure to the Memphis City Council on Friday when he said the council's vote against raising trash rates could cost hundreds of sanitation workers their jobs and bring a significant cutback in services.

Without more revenue by Jan. 6, Strickland said 199 sanitation workers would lose their jobs along with 75 temporary employees — about half of the department's 500 workers. He also said no trash on the curb would be picked up and recycling would be reduced to once a month.

The mayor's announcement via his weekly email comes after his administration increased how often city contractors and sanitation workers pick-up trash left on the curb in May. To pay for this service expansion, which cleaned up Memphis in the months before an election, Strickland's administration used $15 million from the city's general fund.

In short, Memphis city government provided services without having secured a means of paying for them. And the bill is coming due Jan. 6.

Read more: https://www.commercialappeal.com/story/news/2019/12/06/mayor-jim-strickland-sanitation-worker-layoffs-possible-memphis-after-trash-rate-hike-fails-council/4352537002/

[font size="4"]Nebraska:[/font]

The Cornhusker State is home to farms as far as the eye can see. It’s also home to the major cities of Omaha and Lincoln. It’s also home to the University Of Nebraska. It’s home to one of my all time favorite bands, and friend of the show, 311. But how is Nebraska taking it lately? Well like most states in the Midwest, Nebraska has been ransacked by Koch policies and Heritage Foundation talking points. So much in fact that the University Of Nebraska recruited some outside help in getting their new hospital wing off the ground, and we’re going to need a lot more of those where that came from!

With demand for outpatient services growing faster than anticipated, Madonna Rehabilitation Hospitals will build a new, $3.8 million physicians clinic at its Omaha campus.

A clinic has been in the plans since before the Omaha hospital opened in the Village Pointe area in October 2016. But demand for outpatient services has outpaced needs assessments conducted before construction began. Last year alone, staff treated more than 900 patients on an outpatient basis, more than had been anticipated.

“The numbers dictated that we move now as opposed to waiting,” said John Glenn, the hospital system’s vice president of development.

The clinic also will benefit the training program for medical doctors specializing in physical rehabilitation that Madonna created in partnership with the University of Nebraska Medical Center by providing a dedicated space for those physicians to see patients. The physical medicine and rehabilitation residency, launched in 2018, is the first of its kind in a five-state, upper Midwest region. Establishing a local residency program was seen as key in reducing the state’s shortage of such specialists.

Read more: https://www.omaha.com/livewellnebraska/health/madonna-plans-to-build-million-physicians-clinic-at-its-omaha/article_9d42f30c-0e4d-5b34-9728-8e68467ebf3d.html

And by the way if you are wondering just how much Koch policies have ransacked Nebraska, well, let’s keep in mind that their chief export is corn. And their chief import is well, also corn. In fact there’s so much corn in Nebraska that people are actually seeing it as a sign of some extreme climate change in the state. Just think when religious zealots think that they can actually change the weather, there might be some truth to that!

Corn farmers in Eastern Nebraska have long claimed weather patterns are changing, but in an unexpected way.

“It’s something I’ve talked about with my dad and grandad many times,” says fifth-generation corn farmer Brandon Hunnicutt. Along with his father and brother, the 45-year-old lives in the 400-person village of Giltner and grows about 2,000 acres of corn each year. From above, the area looks like a blip of homes surrounded by an expansive grid of circular fields. Though Brandon’s grandfather is retired, he takes an active interest in the business. “Contrary to what you’d think should be happening, both him and my dad swear up and down [that] droughts used to come more often and be a lot worse,” says Hunnicutt. “Considering it’s been 30 years since we had a really bad one, I’ve started kind of taking them at their word.”

This is not the only noticeable development—University of Nebraska climatologists say the growing season has gotten 10-14 days longer since 1980. Hunnicutt now waits until the first weeks of November to pilot his 40-foot-wide, dump-truck-sized combine through the farm’s widely arching, seemingly endless rows of corn—enough to cover 800 city blocks.

Though subtle, the Hunnicutts have noticed these changes and more.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first upset of the tournament brewing! Nebraska easily hands Tennessee the loss by returning 10 unanswered points! Final score – 87 – 77!

[font size="4"]Gun Nut Semifinals: #3 New Mexico vs #4 Missouri[/font]

[font size="4"]New Mexico:[/font]

If you’re a fan of recent TV like I am, you know that the Land Of Enchantment is the home of Walter White, Gustavo Fring, and Saul Goodman. Oh wait, that was Breaking Bad, and Better Call Saul. And there’s a reason why Vince Gilligan chose New Mexico as the home of one of the best shows on TV in the last decade. It’s home to guns and crime, and lots of them. So much in fact that there’s panic buying of guns setting up in wake of COVID-19. It is going to get very ugly very quickly.

In Santa Fe, bullets may be as hard to come by as toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Gun stores in the area have reported a surge in sales after the outbreak of COVID-19, the disease caused by the novel coronavirus, leading to a shortage of some items that rarely go out of stock.

The three firearm retailers in Santa Fe – Big R Stores, Big 5 Sporting Goods and The Outdoorsman of Santa Fe – all had long lines of people waiting to buy new guns or ammunition. Nearly everyone was talking about the virus.

“It’s been like this for the past 2½ weeks,” said Bill Roney, owner of The Outdoorsman. “It’s absolutely insane.”

Roney said the rush to buy firearms is happening across the nation, as evidenced by the long wait times for the FBI to perform background checks.

Who still has an overhead toilet in this day and age? But sigh… this is exactly why we cant have nice things. We’re in the middle of the worst pandemic in an entire century that has upended lives as much as it’s destroyed them, and your first thought is to go get a gun? I mean really you must have some fucked up priorities. At least New Mexico is telling the gun nuts where to stick it.

New Mexico Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham signed into law Tuesday legislation that will allow courts to order the temporary seizure of firearms from individuals deemed a danger to themselves or others.
"The Legislature had the strength to pass this measure because we all recognize: Enough is enough," Lujan Grisham said in a statement. "This law is sensible and balanced. It is a good public safety measure. If it saves even one life, and it will, we will have done good work here."
Dubbed the Extreme Risk Firearm Protection Order Act, the law adds New Mexico to a list of 17 other states that have passed similar "red flag" laws, allowing law enforcement to take away weapons from at-risk individuals.
The laws have faced heavy backlash -- from both gun rights activists and law enforcement officials who say the measures violate residents' Second Amendment rights and don't follow due process.

In a public letter over the weekend, the head of the New Mexico Sheriffs' Association, Tony Mace, wrote that red flag laws don't allow gun owners to defend themselves against an initial confiscation order.

[font size="4"]Missouri:[/font]

The Show Me State is the home you know of course to such major cities as Branson, St. Louis and Kansas City. Which are the home to the World Champion Kansas City Chiefs. Of course if you are a Trump fan, you know that Kansas City is in Kansas. But that’s neither here nor there. Missouri is also the original home of Black Lives Matter. And the reason why Missouri is such a repeat offender in the Gun Nut Conference is that it has some of the loosest gun laws in the entire country. Everybody and their mother, and probably grandmother, is packing some heat. And I do mean everyone!

More than 170 firearms seized or recovered by police during an eight-month period last year were purchased from a single St. Louis-area pawn shop, federal authorities said in announcing charges against three men connected to the shop.

Carlos Jones, 31; Robert Thornton, 36; and Steven Johnson, 44, were charged Thursday with unlawful transfer of firearm to a convicted felon and making false statements on firearm records. All three men worked at Piazza Jewelry and Pawn in Overland, Missouri, a St. Louis suburb.

The federal complaint said the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives traced 170 seized and recovered guns to sales at the pawn shop, with 102 of those guns recovered in the city of St. Louis. ATF Special Agent Chad Foreman wrote in an affidavit released Thursday that six of the confiscated guns were used in homicides, four in robberies, 20 in weapons offenses, and were found in 36 cases in which a prohibited person was in possession of a firearm.

ATF agents conducted an undercover investigation in October through December that revealed guns were often sold to "straw" purchasers who then provided the firearms to others, the criminal complaint alleged.

Damn you know things are bad when even Marge is packing some heat! But we don’t have to tell you that in these troubled times, gun sales are surging. But here’s why people need to get their guns in check is because in Missouri, pretty much anything goes. And there’s some groups of people who probably should have their guns taken away. Domestic offenders are one of those groups.

People with domestic violence convictions and orders of protection against them will soon be banned from carrying concealed guns in St. Louis County, Missouri, according to a vote this week from the county council that was sharply split along party and gender lines.

The four women on the council who are all Democrats, voted yes at Tuesday's meeting, while the three men on the council, who are all Republicans, voted no.

Councilman Tim Fitch said at the meeting that the bill would "take a federal felony charge and make it an ordinance violation," or essentially a "ticket."

"While it may look good on a campaign brochure," Fitch said, "it's going the opposite direction."

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

Ooh this is a close one here. Coming right down to the wire, New Mexico has it, shoots… they score!!! Oh man, Missouri got robbed. New Mexico moves on. Final score 75 – 72.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week it’s Round 1 Week 3! And we are live at the home of the New Orleans Pelicans, the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, LA, for all the action! The battle to go for broke continues as the Wolverines in #1 Michigan take on red hot #2 Pennsylvania! Meanwhile, over in the Gun Nut Conference, it’s a duel to the death as #1 Oregon takes on perennial favorites in #2 Florida! The Elite 8 is shaping up folks!

Thank you for indulging us with this mini edition! We should be back with a return to the full and proper Idiots you know and love on April 1st! See you next week!


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Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-10: Sorry Folks, Humanity Is Closed Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-10: Sorry Folks, Humanity Is Closed Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Holy fucking shit. I mean seriously, we take one week off and it is literally the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine. Yeah that’s the kind of joke that gets lost when you have no live audience. So is this one – Sorry folks, humanity is closed! Moose out front should have told you! But we’re not here to make fun of the situation at hand, because how can you? There’s nothing good in the news right now and it’s all bad, and will probably get worse before it gets better. So what we’re here to do is to lighten the load. We’re all in this together and we’re all holed up together so we might as well make the best of it. Now how this is going to work, is that we already had a couple of rounds of Stupidest State in the can when we were putting together this week’s edition and that was of course before the world went to shit. Now will things resume and we will get back to some sort of normalcy? Who knows? Or will we fall into some sort of weird dystopian Mad Max Fury Road / Avengers Endgame / Terminator 3 scenario? There’s no telling because the people in charge are completely full of shit. Don’t worry, we will get back to making fun of them as soon as we possibly can. And our original plan this week was to have it be all about the virus, but the news is just too god damn depressing to make fun of. And it changes literally every minute, we don’t know what’s going to happen and we don’t have the kind of time and resources to figure it out. So instead we’re going to do the opposite and make this completely virus free. And we’re going to make this a hybrid Best Of / New Content edition. Because like us, you’re probably sick of talking about the virus. So this week, instead, it’s our civic duty to give you a break from all the madness. And how this is going to work is that we’re going to open up the Top 10 Mail Bag and take your suggestions for some of the best things we’ve done from all of the Top 10s. And as I said in my announcement last week, what’s the point of doing live comedy without a live audience? There isn’t any. That said, that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he discusses your local sheriff and he’s probably the most corrupt POS out there:

Well so as I said we’re taking your requests this week. Since we can’t do this in front of a live audience like we normally do, we are going to be combing the archives dating all the way back to Idiots #1 and taking your requests! And can I reveal a secret for season 9 when we start back? We have a new home spot! We left our home at the UCB Theater in Hollywood and we’re packing up and moving to the legendary Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, that will be our new home spot! Well in the first slot, from Idiots #6-1, what is Trump’s (1) obsession with the show Game Of Thrones? We will do a deep dive into this subject and he most likely doesn’t get the reference. In the second slot, from Idiots #5-2, remember when last year the worst thing we had to worry about was that crazy plan to split California into 3 states (2)? Tetridge Farm remembers! Taking the third slot this week, from Idiots #3-13, remember when Rush Limbaugh (3) mocked the victims of a hurricane? Yeah so do we! Real Medal Of Freedom recipient right there! At slot #4, from Idiots #4-5, we’re going to introduce you to Arthur Jones (4) who is an actual, certified, real life Illinois Nazi. Where are the Blues Brothers when you need them? Taking the 5th slot, from Idiots # is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and remember when the worst thing that could kill you was your breakfast? Yeah Tetridge Farm remembers! At slot #6 this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) from Idiots #5-21, our resident pastor asks the question “Is CNN Satanic?” (spoiler alert! Probably). Taking the seventh slot this week, from Idiots #7-22, music fans will probably remember the beef last year when Billie Eilish was questioned by Jimmy Kimmel and people were surprised to learn that she didn’t know who Van Halen was. But really, Eddie Van Halen probably doesn’t know who Van Halen was. In the number 8 slot this week, from Idiots #8-7, with the start of the XFL we wonder how the XFL is still a thing and right now no it isn’t but we wish it was. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we have an all new People Are Dumb! Because we can at least laugh at stupid people right? Finally this week, it’s time to commence Stupidest State 2020! And this week it’s Round 1 Week 1! We are live at the home of the Colorado Avalanche, Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado, for all the action action action! In the Batshit Conference, it’s a battle for the league’s best as #1 ranked Virginia takes on old school rivals #2 Kentucky! Meanwhile it’s a Family Values faceoff as last year’s champions and conference favorite #1 Alabama take on the extremely hot #2 Oklahoma Sooners! And the palate cleanser after all of this, from that time our good friends the Dropkick Murphys stopped by! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Catch Up On Stuff We Missed
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From: Idiots #6-1

Sandra Y. from Yuma City, AZ asks:

“Hey Top 10, do you have any suggestions of things we can watch while we’re in isolation?”

Well, Sandra, our president has a suggestion, but something tells me he hasn’t seen a single episode!

Man does it feel good to be back everyone! And we picked the right city to debut the 6th season of the Top 10! As usual, whenever the Top 10 is out on an extended break like we were over the Christmas and New Year’s holiday, we like to play catch up on stuff we missed. Because we live in an era where there’s literally batshit crazy stuff happening every minute of every day. And whew, did we miss a lot! See, we may take a holiday but conservative idiocy definitely does not! I mean Trump pretty much spent Christmas and his favorite holiday – New Year’s Eve – pretty much all alone in the White House by himself. I know usually we need the Sad Hulk music for this one but we really need something much sadder.

Yeah there we go! So how did Trump spend the most merry and jolliest of holidays?

At what age do children wonder whether Santa really exists?
President Donald Trump would like to know.

In a Christmas Eve call, Trump asked a 7-year-old named Collman Lloyd whether the child still believes in Santa Claus.
"Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it's marginal, right?" Trump asked Collman.

Collman's response, though inaudible to the press, left Trump with a chuckle and a smile.
The call came around 6:30 p.m. Monday as the President and first lady Melania Trump spoke on separate phones to children whose calls to NORAD had been patched through to the White House lines.

In front of a crackling fire and between two Christmas trees, Trump wished Collman a Merry Christmas and asked the child's age and Christmas plans and wondered how school was going.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! That’s right – Trump literally asked a 7 year old kid what age it’s acceptable to stop believing in Santa! And by the way – no he didn’t show up in Florida for his annual Mar-A-Shithole NYE bash. But guess what? Even club patrons think that place is much more pleasant when he’s not around!

Palm Beach is a little town that parties big, and the biggest party of the year is Donald Trump’s New Year’s revel at Mar-a-Lago. The president may have been born in June, but he is a true Scorpio who lives to get even, and Mar-a-Lago’s mammoth annual event is in some measure an expression of pure revenge.

To understand that one must go back to the mid-eighties, when Trump and his then wife Ivana arrived in Palm Beach. It would only have been natural that the couple join the exclusive Bath and Tennis Club, which lies on the ocean just across South Ocean Boulevard from Mar-a-Lago. But when Ivana talked to the club’s president, James Oelsner, about applying for membership, Oelsner says he told her they best not bother. Her husband, he said, was so controversial that they would surely be blackballed. Trump says he didn’t join the B&T because the club restricted Jews and blacks, but the fact is he wasn’t wanted, and he knew it.

Trump obtained his vehicle for revenge against the Palm Beach establishment when, a decade later, he turned Mar-a-Lago into a club with a majority Jewish membership. He brought in world class entertainment and, for New Year’s Eve, put on a gloriously over-the-top event. Across the road, the ladies and gentlemen of the B&T had their parties too, but theirs had all the panache of a ladies tea. Many of the WASPS were rhythmically challenged, and as they shuffled across the dance floor, the exuberant sounds of rock ‘n roll wafted across the boulevard from Mar-a-Lago. It just wasn’t fair that many of these B&T evenings were sedately boring while not three hundred yards away, the island’s unwanted newcomers were having more fun.

We can only imagine that was his reaction as the countdown clock reached midnight on 12/31. I mean come on, one NYE you’re partying with mobsters, the next NYE, you’re eating cheeseburgers in bed yelling at the fake news media and tweeting about your haters and losers. Yes that did happen!


Whoa, hey, take your caps lock off, man! This is the new year we’re talking about here, no need to get angry! Well maybe he was mad when this story broke:

Three weeks after the 9/11 attacks, Vice President Dick Cheney was already trying to tie the horror to Iraq. He floated a bogus story that earlier in 2001, Mohammad Atta, ringleader of the terrorist attacks, had met in a Prague cafe with an Iraqi intelligence official.

Now another shadowy meeting in Prague that may or may not have taken place is in the news.

On Dec. 27, McClatchy DC—a reputable news outlet that broke the most important stories about the Iraq War—reported that cell phone tower records obtained by foreign intelligence sources place Michael Cohen (or at least his phone) in Prague in the late summer of 2016. The story says this information, as well as the fruits of electronic eavesdropping by an Eastern European intelligence agency that picked up discussion among Russians of Cohen’s presence in Prague, are now in the possession of the office of Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

If the McClatchy story is true, it has huge implications for Donald Trump's survival in the presidency. But that’s a major if; unlike many other scoops about the Mueller probe, no other outlet has been able to confirm McClatchy’s reporting. And the McClatchy reporters have made it clear that they have no corroborating evidence of their claims and that some of their sources are indirect at best.

I think it’s a little too late for that, Donny! And we’ll get to the 119th Congress in a minute. But really there is an actual conspiracy being involved here, and no, it doesn’t involve a super secret ring of underground elite pedophiles who are engaged in satanic human trafficking! Nope. I mean Trump really thinks he’s playing a Game of Thrones here. This is more like a Game Of Groans!

What's Trump doing with that Game Of Thrones poster? Does he even know what Game Of Thrones is? I can't imagine he has an HBO subscription. For a guy who doesn't read and wouldn't know pop culture references if they jumped up and bit him, Game Of Thrones is way too advanced for him! Maybe he should start with the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid series and work his way up! We’re going to build a wall along the North and make the Stormlands pay for it. It’s gonna be huge, believe me!

When President Trump tweeted out a meme of his envisioned steel-slat wall with the words, “THE WALL IS COMING” over the weekend, many fans of “Game of Thrones” accused the president of never actually watching the hit HBO series.

In the series, the enormous wall of ice protecting the Seven Kingdoms from encroaching wildlings is — spoiler alert — eventually destroyed, which is presumably not the end result Trump envisions along the southern border. But Trump’s allusion to the “Game of Thrones” wall is all the more curious for another reason.

The fictional “Game of Thrones” barrier is actually based on a real wall. In fact, it’s one of the most famous walls in ancient Western civilization — one that may hold a lesson for Trump. A massive wall, said historian David Frye, is nothing without an equally massive investment in upkeep and patrol. That fact is evident in the true story of Hadrian’s Wall, the inspiration behind the fictional frozen wall in “Game of Thrones.”

George R.R. Martin, the author of the book series, “A Song of Ice and Fire,” that inspired “Game of Thrones,” has previously revealed that he was standing atop Hadrian’s Wall in 1981, imagining himself as a second-century Roman soldier, when he had the idea for his wall.

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[font size="8"]CalExit
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From: [link:https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210763459 } Idiots #5-2]

Jim P. from Colombus, OH says:

“Hey Top 10, why do conservatives hate California so much? I know you live there, but we cannot figure it out.”

Well, Jim, neither can we. And we especially can’t forget the time that they attempted to divide us into 3 states, which still would have backfired on them.

OK moving on. This is a comedy show, not a horror show. So where do we go next? If you haven’t noticed there is a war going on for the future of my home state of California, and no, it’s not a good thing, sir. So for those of you who don’t live in my great state, there’s a war on the liberalism of this state and a plan to split California into 3 states and while we have mainly just talked about it, this could become a reality in November.

Troublemaker Tim Draper’s latest proposal to split California into three states has some appeal for Northerners. At least it does for me.

That doesn’t mean it’s a smart idea. It’s impractical, a fantasy and doomed. But it does have an allure.

In November, Californians will have an opportunity to vote on whether to split the state in thirds because the venture capitalist’s initiative qualified for the ballot last week. So this is no longer just an idea for idle chit-chat. It’s potentially achievable, if highly remote.

Look, here’s one attraction for a Sacramentan: The new “Northern California” would be the second-wealthiest state in the nation, ranking only below Connecticut in terms of per capita personal income. The Legislative Analyst’s Office pegged it at $63,000, based on 2015 data, the latest available. For the entire state it was $54,000.

That wealth is because of the San Francisco Bay Area, especially Silicon Valley.

What it means is there’d be fewer people unemployed and on public assistance than in the other two new states: Los Angeles-dominated “California” and weirdly drawn “Southern California.” There’d be less northern tax money spent on the safety net and more for universities, transportation, parks and other lifestyle goodies.

We already did that one. But I guess it’s that new theater smell. Yeah we’re still working out the kinks of our new set. But anyway this whole plan to split California into 3 states is certifiably insane and its’s nothing more than a partisan power grab. I mean we’re dealing with people who would literally take candy from a baby, and they don’t need an excuse.

This November, Californians will head to the polls to vote on a peculiar ballot measure that asks, "Hey, how do you feel about splitting into three states?"

This is really happening.

A proposal to divide California into three states — Northern California, California, and Southern California — qualified this week to appear on the ballot in November's general election. It received over 458,000 valid signatures, more than the number required by state law to get on the ballot, thanks to an ambitious campaign called Cal 3 and financial backing from Silicon Valley tycoon Tim Draper, an early investor in Tesla and Skype.

If a majority of California voters who cast ballots agree to divvy up the state into three, the plan would then go onto the US Congress for approval.

There's bad news for anyone in support of this initiative: Even if the measure gathers enough support at the polls, it would still be incredibly difficult for California to pull off.

All states have a special process for amending their state constitution. In some states, two houses of congress need need to approve a ballot measure before residents get a chance to weigh in at the polls. California is an oddball. The state's initiative process lets a vote by the people pass a measure into law, without the blessing of the state legislatures.

If *ONLY* we could call it High Cal and Lo Cal, that would be hilarious. Of course most people don’t vote for comedy. But this guy is doing it because one, he’s a billionaire with a lot of money to blow. I mean why can’t these guys ever spend their money for good? Instead they have to spend it on some evil shit, and this is about as evil and stupid as it gets. It’s basically a giant “fuck you” to liberals.

A Silicon Valley billionaire has amassed enough signatures to have his proposal splitting California into three parts on the state’s ballot in November.

Venture Capitalist Timothy Draper filed more than 402,468 valid signatures in all of the state’s counties for his proposal, qualifying it for the general election ballot in November, California’s Secretary of State said on Tuesday. Draper had actually garnered 605,026 signatures; a random sampling found 76 percent were projected to be valid.

Under the proposal, which Draper submitted to the state Attorney General’s office last September, California would be split into: Northern California, which would consist of 40 counties; California, which would be composed of six counties, including Los Angeles; and Southern California, which would house the remaining 12 counties. If the state’s residents vote for the proposal, California’s legislature would have a year, beginning in January of 2019, to implement it.

“The citizens of the whole state would be better served by three smaller state governments while preserving the historical boundaries of the various counties, cities, and towns,” Draper wrote to the Attorney General’s office when explaining his proposal.

Excuse me a minute… yeah this guy will probably be the poster boy for why we have videos about why this is a bad idea in the future. But what does this mean? Why even have an initiative this batshit crazy on the ballot? Like we said some men just like to watch the world burn. And most of those men are republicans. But this is crazy, evil and stupid at the same time.

This November, Californians will head to the polls to vote on a peculiar ballot measure that asks, "Hey, how do you feel about splitting into three states?"

This is really happening.

A proposal to divide California into three states— Northern California, California, and Southern California — qualified last week to appear on the ballot in November's general election. It received over 458,000 valid signatures, more than the number required by state law to get on the ballot, thanks to an ambitious campaign called Cal 3 and financial backing from Silicon Valley tycoon Tim Draper, an early investor in Tesla and Skype.

If a majority of California voters who cast ballots agree to divvy up the state into three, the plan would then go onto the US Congress for approval.

There's bad news for anyone in support of this initiative: Even if the measure gathers enough support at the polls, it would still be incredibly difficult for California to pull off.

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[font size="8"]Rush Limbaugh
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From: Idiots #3-13

Rashan V.. from San Jose, California asks:

“What did Rush Limbaugh do to deserve the Presidential Medal Of Freedom?”

Well, Rashan, there’s no real reason why Trump does anything he does. But he does love awarding those who kiss his ass, even if they say terrible things like this.

You know in all the editions of the Top 10 so far I don’t think we’ve ever had Rush Limbaugh as a featured entry at all. But that’s about to change. Because this week, Rush Limbaugh proved he’s one of the biggest cowards on the planet. And also one of the stupidest idiots on the planet. I wonder if when Al Franken was writing his book “Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot” if he ever pictured the GOP’s Jabba The Hutt doing something like this?

Conservative icon, radio giant, and Palm Beach resident Rush Limbaugh suggested to his listeners today that the media and meteorologists are exaggerating the threat from Hurricane Irma. In a breathtakingly irresponsible monologue that literally could put lives at risk and directly contradicts virtually every government official and expert of all ideologies, Limbaugh said the attention on Irma is largely driven by political and business agendas:

...So there is a desire to advance this climate change agenda, and hurricanes are one of the fastest and best ways to do it. You can accomplish a lot just by creating fear and panic. You don’t need a hurricane to hit anywhere. All you need is to create the fear and panic accompanied by talk that climate change is causing hurricanes to become more frequent and bigger and more dangerous, and you create the panic, and it’s mission accomplished, agenda advanced.

Now, how do you do this? Well, any number of ways. Let’s take south Florida television, for example. There is symbiotic relationship between retailers and local media, and it’s related to money. It revolves around money. You have major, major industries and businesses which prosper during times of crisis and panic, such as a hurricane, which could destroy or greatly damage people’s homes, and it could interrupt the flow of water and electricity. So what happens?

Well, the TV stations begin reporting this and the panic begins to increase. And then people end up going to various stores to stock up on water and whatever they might need for home repairs and batteries and all this that they’re advised to get, and a vicious circle is created. You have these various retail outlets who spend a lot of advertising dollars with the local media.

Excuse me a minute… OK back to the subject at hand. OK so he claims that the hurricane Irma, one of the largest hurricanes in recorded history, is a liberal hoax. Uh… did you see some of the destruction coming out of St. Maarten?

SAN JUAN, P.R. — One of the most powerful Atlantic hurricanes ever recorded crescendoed over the Caribbean on Thursday, crumpling islands better known as beach paradises into half-habitable emergency zones and sideswiping Puerto Rico before churning north. It is expected to hit the Florida Keys and South Florida by Saturday night.

More than 60 percent of households in Puerto Rico were without power. On St. Martin, an official said 95 percent of the island was destroyed. The Haitian government called for all agencies, stores and banks to shut down as the storm hit. Prime Minister Gaston Browne of Antigua and Barbuda said that half of Barbuda had been left homeless.

Watching Hurricane Irma maraud across Barbuda and Anguilla, residents of Florida and others who found themselves on the wrong side of the forecast were hastening to get out of the way. Government officials in Florida, Georgia and South Carolina pleaded for people to evacuate vulnerable areas, triggering a scramble for the essentials — gasoline, water, sandbags — that, even for hurricane-hardened Floridians, was laced with dread and punctuated with dire warnings from every direction.

Yeah there’s nothing funny about that so we wont try to make anything funny out of it. But what we can make fun of is Limbaugh’s decision to skip town.

Rush Limbaugh will be evacuating South Florida, just days after the popular conservative radio host claimed that Hurricane Irma would not hit the United States and that scientists and the liberal media were hyping up the hurricane as proof of their global warming “lie.”

“So there is a desire to advance this climate change agenda, and hurricanes are one of the fastest and best ways to do it. You can accomplish a lot just by creating fear and panic. You don’t need a hurricane to hit anywhere,” Limbaugh said on his show Tuesday. “All you need is to create the fear and panic accompanied by talk that climate change is causing hurricanes to become more frequent and bigger and more dangerous, and you create the panic, and it’s mission accomplished, agenda advanced.”

Oh and did we mention how dangerous and reckless this was? No?

NBC meteorologist Al Roker clashed with Rush Limbaugh on Wednesday after the conservative radio host suggested warnings about Hurricane Irma were driven by political agendas around climate change.

The longtime "Today" personality took to Twitter to slam Limbaugh in two tweets while using a #ShameOnRush hashtag in a message to his 1.7 million followers.

"Do not listen to @rushlimbaugh when he says #Irma is not a dangerous #storm and is hype. He is putting people's lives at risk," wrote the 63-year-old Roker.

"To have @rushlimbaugh suggest the warnings about #Irma are #fake or about profit and to ignore them borders on criminal. #ShameOnRush," he wrote in subsequent tweet.

Read more: http://thehill.com/media/349502-al-roker-shames-limbaugh-for-dismissal-of-hurricane-irma-panic

To which of course crybaby Rush blabbed to the “mainstream media” (natch) that – gasp – the media lies!!! The horror!!!

Nationally syndicated radio host Rush Limbaugh slammed the media for what he called its "lies and misstatements" over his comments about there being "no reason to panic" in Florida over Hurricane Irma last week.

"I'm going through one of the greatest smears of my career," said Limbaugh to kick off his program on Monday. "This is all over the place that I told people there's no storm. That I told people you don't have to run away from Florida. You don't have to evacuate because I said the storm wasn't coming. I did not say that. I didn't say the storm is not big. I didn't say the storm was going somewhere else. (The media) did.

"There isn't a thing I said about this that anybody can prove that I was wrong about," the best-selling author added.

Limbaugh showed long-range forecasts from 7-10 days ago that showed some possible storm tracks putting Irma further out in the Atlantic before hitting South Carolina or North Carolina and not Florida.


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[font size="8"]Arthur Jones
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From: Idiots #4-5

Sarah H. from Peoria, IL asks:

“Hey Top 10 I love your show. I’m about to put on one of my favorite movies, the Blues Brothers, and I remember – wasn’t there an actual Illinois Nazi running for office?”

Well thank you Sarah! We depend on viewers like you. And yes, you are right, there was an Illinois Nazi running for office!

“Illinois Nazis. I hate Illinois Nazis.” – Jake Blues

Well, where are the Blues Brothers when you need them? Because we’re going to introduce you to an actual Illinois Nazi. And when you guess what party he’s affiliated with, the answer will shock you. Or maybe not if you have been following this program for any length of time. This guy is a real gem too, and not only does he look like a bad rendering of Mr. Magoo, his ugliness will leave a bad taste in your mouth, because… whew.

Arthur Jones — an outspoken Holocaust denier, activist anti-Semite and white supremacist — is poised to become the Republican nominee for an Illinois congressional seat representing parts of Chicago and nearby suburbs.

“Well first of all, I’m running for Congress not the chancellor of Germany. All right. To me the Holocaust is what I said it is: It’s an international extortion racket,” Jones told the Chicago Sun-Times.

Indeed, Jones’ website for his latest congressional run includes a section titled “The ‘Holocaust Racket’” where he calls the genocide carried out by the German Nazi regime and collaborators in other nations “the biggest blackest lie in history.”

Jones, 70, a retired insurance agent who lives in suburban Lyons, has unsuccessfully run for elected offices in the Chicago area and Milwaukee since the 1970s.

Yeah sorry Jake, but this guy is definitely *NOT* on a mission from god. I’d say he’s more on a mission from Satan. He’s already got the Nazi trifecta – holocaust denier, white supremacist, and an activist anti-Semite. Can he go for the superfecta?

“Well, first of all, I’m running fo Congress not the chancellor of Germany,” Mr Jones said in an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times. “To me the Holocaust is what I said it is: It’s an international extortion racket,”

He went on to describe how he led the American Nazi Party and is currently head of the America First Committee. “Membership in this organisation is open to any white American citizen of European, non-Jewish descent,” he added.

Mr Jones had seven failed runs for the Republican 3rd Congressional District primary, but this time is running unopposed.

“The Illinois Republican Party and our country have no place for Nazis like Arthur Jones,” the Illinois Republican Party chair, Tim Schneider, said in a statement. ”We strongly oppose his racist views and his candidacy for any public office, including the 3rd Congressional District.”

Ding ding ding!!! We have the Superfecta! He said “America First”! Bravo, take a bow! And Mr. Schneider, before you go and condemn this guy, you should be aware that he’s currently running unopposed. Which makes him the perfect GOP target.

A former leader in the American Nazi Party is about to be the only Republican on the ticket for a congressional race in Illinois.

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Arthur Jones, a Holocaust denier who has repeatedly tried ― and failed ― to attain office, is the only candidate seeking the GOP nod for the seat in the heavily Democratic 3rd Congressional District.

Images on Jones’ campaign website showed him speaking at KKK and neo-Nazi events, giving the Nazi salute and shredding the flag of Israel. He called the Confederate flag the symbol of “white pride,” “white resistance” and “white counterrevolution.” Jones also told the Sun-Times that the Holocaust was “an international extortion racket.”

Party leaders have disowned Jones.

“The Illinois Republican Party and our country have no place for Nazis like Arthur Jones,” Tim Schneider, chairman of the Illinois Republican Party, told the Sun-Times. “We strongly oppose his racist views and his candidacy for any public office, including the 3rd Congressional District.”

Oh and in case you’re wondering what a gem this guy is, there’s more! So much more! In fact in the above article, he’s apparently amused that he has detractors. I mean this guy really is a fucking Nazi!

Jones mocked the party’s attempts to stop him.

“Well, it’s absolutely the best opportunity in my entire political career,” he told the Chicago Tribune. “Every time I’ve run it’s been against a Republican who follows this politically correct nonsense. This time they screwed up.”

Yeah because that’s how good Nazis operate! They blame those for causing their own failures! And of course he’d attack the “politically correct” crowd! Those damn snowflakes! If this is too much for you, go back to your safe spaces! And that’s not all! Wait until you see who else he’s attacked!

And in his most recent blog post — dated Aug. 24 — Jones rails against “Radical Leftists” and blames them for starting racial violence that had roiled Charlottesville about two weeks earlier. Heather Heyer, 32, a protester at a white supremacist rally, died after a driver rammed a car into a crowd of demonstrators. A self-professed neo-Nazi has been charged with first-degree murder in the incident. Jones painted the death as an accident.

Despite his views, Jones is all but certain to become the GOP nominee in one of Illinois’s most prominent congressional districts — one that includes parts of Chicago and several suburbs to the west and southwest. Jones is running unopposed in the Republican primary; the deadline for candidates to file was in early December.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Death By Cereal
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From: Idiots #5-6

Brittany C. from Henderson, Nevada asks:

“Hey Top 10 remember when the worst thing that could kill you was our breakfast cereal?”

Yes we do, Brittany! Yes we do!

Kansas City, It is time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Breakfast cereals. They come in all shapes, colors and flavors. You love them as a kid and you probably also love them just as much as an adult. However, one brand in particular has been getting hit hard in the news lately because of a massive recall. In fact the recall is so massive that it’s hit a sizeable majority of the United States. And before anyone asks if your breakfast cereal could possibly kill you, we answer with “yeah, probably”.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is urging consumers to stay away from a popular Kellogg’s cereal that has been linked to a massive salmonella outbreak affecting 100 people in 33 states.

“Do not eat this cereal,” the CDC tweeted Thursday along with a photo of Honey Smacks cereal. The agency revealed that 27 more people from 19 states had been infected from the outbreak since the last update on June 14.

In a statement released Thursday, the agency said, “Do not eat any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal, regardless of package size or best-by date. Check your home for it and throw it away, or return it to the place of purchase for a refund.”

According to CBS News, the Kellogg Co. announced in June that it was investigating the third-party manufacturer that produces the cereal after being contacted by the FDA and CDC about the salmonella outbreak. Kellogg's recalled the cereal on June 14.

At least 30 people were hospitalized due to the outbreak, the CDC said. No deaths have been reported. The agency said that illnesses that occurred after June 19 might not yet have been reported. On average, it takes two to four weeks between when a person becomes sick and when his or her illness is reported.

So that explains why you might get salmonella while eating Honey Smacks – they’re endorsed by what appears to be a frog on smack. And yes, we’re aware that Death By Cereal and Frogs On Smack recently played a double headlining show at the Troubadour. But of course like all things happening in 2018, this story gets weird.

A Utah couple says their 5-month-old son is the state’s only known person infected with salmonella in a nationwide outbreak tied to Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal and they’re struggling to comprehend how it happened.

When 5-month-old Andy Lyons contracted salmonella, his parents were left baffled.

“But then his salmonella matched the outbreak for the Kellogg’s recall,” mother Ashley Lyons said.

The link doctors found to the Honey Smacks outbreak may have answered one question, but raised several more in its place.

“Yeah, we still aren’t 100 percent sure how,” Ashley Lyons said.

Here’s the thing – maybe don’t feed your five year old Honey Smacks! Although that might be safer than a lot of children’s food on the market currently.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says a popular Kellogg’s cereal has been linked to a salmonella outbreak that has infected 100 people in 33 states.

The CDC announced Thursday that customers should avoid Honey Smacks, tweeting, “Do not eat this cereal.” The agency says it found salmonella in samples of Honey Smacks, which has been subject to a voluntary recall by Kellogg since mid-June.

It says that regardless of expiration date, the cereal should be thrown away or returned to a retailer for a refund.

The CDC says at least 30 of the people infected in the outbreak have been hospitalized. It says most people infected with salmonella develop a fever, cramps or diarrhea within 12 to 72 hours of being exposed to the bacteria.

Yes – do not eat that. Do not feed your kids that. Do not feed your pets that. Just stay away from the bad cereal. Apparently there is an entire website dedicated to food poisoning that you need to be made aware of as they keep track of this sort of thing.

The cereal was first recalled on June 14, 2018. Two UPC numbers of the product were recalled. The recalled product had “best if used by” dates of June 14, 2018 through June 14, 2018.

But several days later, the CDC told consumers to not eat any Honey Smacks cereal of any size package or any “best if used by” date. No explanation for this huge recall expansion was given.

Consumers have been advised to throw away any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal, and to clean out containers if the cereal was decanted out of the original box. Even if some of the cereal was eaten and no one got sick, public health officials said discard it.

The cereal was first recalled on June 14, 2018. Two UPC numbers of the product were recalled. The recalled product had “best if used by” dates of June 14, 2018 through June 14, 2018.

But several days later, the CDC told consumers to not eat any Honey Smacks cereal of any size package or any “best if used by” date. No explanation for this huge recall expansion was given.

Consumers have been advised to throw away any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal, and to clean out containers if the cereal was decanted out of the original box. Even if some of the cereal was eaten and no one got sick, public health officials said discard it.

Yes, that apparently might be healthier for you than a bowl of Honey Smacks currently is. That is it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-21

Brad J. from Austin, TX writes:

“Hey Top 10, since everyone is holed up right now and taking suggestions of things to watch, is there anything we shouldn’t watch?”

Well, Brad, there’s one network you shouldn’t watch, and the Christian right has your answer!

Let’s spin the wheel shall we? And it lands on… oh hey it’s a clip without context!

Oh yeah because an extinction level event is just so damn funny isn’t it? Well… spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Holy Shit! Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Phoenix, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know in my quest to understand supporters of the Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, I came upon a stark realization. And that is that they have a warped view of what is satanic or not. Because the man who they put on a pedestal as a shining example of GAWD himself is actually a DAYMON!!! And apparently there are organizations with views that one might call “satanic”.

End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles weighed in on the news that CNN’s Jim Acosta had his press credentials temporarily restored on Friday by declaring that CNN is part of a demonic effort to destroy freedom in America.

“CNN is consumed with the spirit of rebellion and sedition, which is witchcraft,” Wiles said on his “TruNews” program on Friday. “Let’s not make any mistake about identifying what this is.”

“And the source of witchcraft is the mouth of hell itself,” agreed co-host Doc Burkhart.

“This is a fight for survival and he has got to resist them,” Wiles added. “Mr. Trump needs to publicly state that he is calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to defend him. That is my prayer, that is my hope, that I hear Donald J. Trump publicly say, ‘I am calling on the name of Jesus Christ to fight my battles. My enemies are too great and too big and only God can help me.'”

Trump is “not fighting flesh and blood,” Wiles warned, but rather “demonic powers.”

“If they win,” he continued, “there will be no freedom in this country, perhaps for centuries. That is what this fight is all about, the elimination of freedom. Because it is a thoroughly corrupt, evil, wicked regime. They kill babies. They promote homosexuality. They promote sorcery and witchcraft. They’re evil. They’re wicked. Their wickedness is beyond our comprehension. That’s what we’re up against and that’s what’s trying to destroy President Trump. And if they succeed, the rest of us are going to be devoured by them. That is a fact.”

No, Rick, that is not a fact, that is well, it’s whatever the opposite of a fact is! So apparently CNN is something that someone might call “Satanic”. But no! Let me show you what real SATANISM is, ladies and gentlemen! But yes these people really do think that CNN is the spawn of the devil himself!!!

Religious Right radio host E.W. Jackson said on his “The Awakening” program yesterday that he will not believe anything reported by CNN because founder Ted Turner has said negative things about Christianity.

Turner, who once called Christianity “a religion for losers,” has reportedly softened his view in recent years, but Jackson still refuses to trust anything that CNN reports because he believes that the network is in league with Satan.

“CNN was founded by a renowned, convinced, convicted atheist,” Jackson said. “That spirit, that anti-Christ anointing is still on that thing, which is why their lead anchor is how he is. I don’t need to go any further than that, but he’s a confused young man and it’s because that spirit of atheism and anti-God and anti-Christian mindset just permeates that thing. So they’re not going to get anything right because when you’re that off—see, I really believe this—when you’re off spiritually like that, it’s very hard to get anything else right.”

Likewise, Jackson went on to say that he would refuse to be operated on by a surgeon who is an atheist.

“I’m serious,” he said. “I don’t care how good he is supposed to be because I believe when you’re that off about the fundamental nature of life, I can’t trust you with anything else. That’s it. Sorry. I can’t trust you with anything else because, to me, you are in league with the spirit of Satan. Why would I want to entrust my life to you and give the devil a shot at me? No, thank you.”

The same principle applies to CNN, Jackson said. “When the root is poison, guess what? The fruit is poison.”

Yes, the DAYMON hellfire is everywhere and the scourge of the wrath of GAWD shall not go unnoticed, can I get an amen!!! For it says in our good book “judge not lest ye be judged”, does it not? And I can prove it, I have it right here. But that’s not real SATANISM. Nothing is, at least how they are describing it! Here’s some real Satanism at work!

A group of Satanists that sued Netflix for $50 million for allegedly copying the image of its goat-headed deity has "amicably settled" its lawsuit with the video streaming giant.

The Satanic Temple organization claimed Netflix and Warner Bros. had copied the image of Baphomet -- a winged, half-man, half-goat figure that has been worshiped by various occult groups -- in its program "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina."

A reproduction of the figure appeared in four episodes of the show without the group's permission, the group claimed.

But the group's leader said the suit has now been settled, and that "the unique elements of the Satanic Temple's Baphomet statue" will be acknowledged in the credits of the show's episodes.

"The Satanic Temple is pleased to announce that the lawsuit it recently filed against Warner Bros. and Netflix has been amicably settled," Lucien Greaves wrote in a statement.

So the DEVIL is all around us, as you can clearly see! If not in our news networks then it’s in our network shows! I mean it’s all well and good but what does the Church Of Satan really think?

There are two prominent Satanic organizations, and only one of them has a problem with Netflix's Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

The Satanic Temple filed a lawsuit against Netflix and Warner Bros. last week, alleging the statue of the Dark Lord in Sabrina's Academy of Unseen Arts infringes on the copyright of the organization's own statue of Baphomet. However, the Satanic Temple shouldn't be confused with the Church of Satan, which doesn't have a beef with the new Netflix series.

In a statement, the Church of Satan distanced itself from the Satanic Temple, which it says is known for "childish PR stunts" that "are not in anyway representative of the apolitical, individualistic and atheistic religion of Satanism."

The Church previously assessed FX's American Horror Story: Apocalypse and Sabrina, and noted, "Our members are watching these as many are horror fans and, as might be expected, some enjoy them and others find them not to their tastes—mileage varies amongst our folks who care enough to view it. We aren’t a collective, but a varied cabal of individuals, so to each his own!"

Yes, because apparently the devil works more among us than GAWD and JAYSUS do! Now in the Good Book does it not say that the dark one shall appear as creature of light? Yes, yes, it does I have it right here in front of me, sir! I mean even the church of SATAN says that DEMONIC forces are far more at work than an organization reporting on the news!

Satanic graffiti found in old bunkers is the work of "pranksters" rather than devil-worshippers, says an expert.

The symbols found in the warren of tunnels under Fort Austin in Plymouth are linked to Satanism, Church of Satan high priest Peter Gilmore said.

But he dismissed them as the work of teenagers "to upset the people who discover them" and said Satanists would have their "own home ritual spaces".

Police said the site was dangerous and the council pledged to block it up.

There you have it folks, the DEVIL may not be working in CNN but he is definitely working in our media and our graffiti! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Unpopular Opinions: Billie Eilish & Van Halen
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From: Idiots #7-22

Leigh N. from Spokane, WA writes:

“Hey Top 10, I am from the younger generation. Why does the older generation hate it when we don’t know their taste in entertainment?”

Well, Leigh, let’s just ask Billie Eilish what she thinks about the subject.

Look people, stop freaking out about the fact that Billie Eilish doesn’t know who Van Halen is. Hell at this point I’m not even sure that Eddie Van Halen knows who Van Halen is. Hey I watched The Dirt! Yeah that’s what a lifetime of hookers and blow will get you. Watch any movie from the 80s, doesn’t matter if the references are from Ferris Bueller or Beetlejuice, you will find plenty of dead references that don’t apply to a society in 2019. Dead references are as old as time itself. Popular culture comes and goes. There's people being born today who will have no idea what the hell a Sears or a K-Mart are! The people who are freaking out about Billie Eilish not knowing who Van Halen is, are probably coming from the same parents who started freaking out when their kids didn’t know who Led Zeppelin was. But here’s the thing – Billie Eilish is 17! It’s OK for 17 year olds not to know 40 year old bands! Can we calm down and pull each other’s heads out of our collective asses please?

Is there anything more tedious than a music snob? Apparently not, given the rush to pile on 17-year-old Billie Eilish earlier this week, and all because she hadn’t heard of the rock band Van Halen.

The revelation took place on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, where the late-night host decided to quiz Eilish on whether she’d heard of artists such as Madonna (she had) and Van Halen (she hadn’t). Upon learning she was blithely unaware of the Seventies rockers, Kimmel’s reaction was one of horror, despair, and glee. “I’m gonna start crying,” he exclaimed, perhaps acknowledging that Eilish’s knowledge gap was actually highlighting his own age. “You’re making me look so dumb,” Eilish fretted in return.

While this was an innocent enough exchange that riffed on the age-old tradition of intergenerational repartee (“young people don’t know how easy they have it”, “old people don’t understand technology”, etc), the comments about Eilish online were harsher. There’s a particular type of person who relishes any opportunity to highlight the perceived ignorance of younger generations. Yet there’s absolutely no reason why Eilish, or anyone her age, should give a fleeting moment’s thought to a rock band who carry little to no weight in the 21st century. Why does she need to prove herself, when she’s become the biggest success story the music industry has seen in years? Clearly, she knows something these older critics don’t.

Besides, had Eilish told Kimmel she was a massive Van Halen fan, hardcore fans would likely have revolted, insisting there was no way she could be serious – she’s too young. There was a similar reaction when Justin Bieber was spotted wearing a Metallica T-shirt in 2015. He had no right to like them, hardcore fans decreed.

Shut up!!!! Take that article’s advice – there’s nothing worse than a snob! These are the same kinds of people who blame bands for being too political in 2019 when they’ve been political since the early 1990s! Like Anti-Flag or Pearl Jam, hey there was a time before Trump and social media existed. But you know what enough of my rambling let’s play the clip.

And here’s where there’s nothing worse than being a snob. I’m a Gen Xer, and I’m totally OK with all of this. But here’s where music snobs need to shut the hell up. People get old it happens. When the young generation doesn’t know the old generation’s music, it’s OK! Be lame and be proud of it! Until then shut up!

Today in “can we all please leave Billie Eilish TF alone,” the 17-year-old singer is being dragged by boomers for not knowing who the band Van Halen is. Which, no offense to Van Halen, but WHY DOES ANYONE EVEN CAAAAARE.

The moment in question went down on Jimmy Kimmel Live when Jimmy asked Billie to “name a Van Halen” and she responded, “Who?”

The audience was shook that Billie doesn’t know who the famous band is (again, she is only 17!), and Twitter wasted no time dragging her. But those tweets are lame, so here’s a couple from everyone mocking them instead:

Meanwhile, Wolf Van Halen chimed in, writing, “If you haven’t heard of @BillieEilish, go check her out. She’s cool. If you haven’t heard of @VanHalen, go check them out. They’re cool too. Music is supposed to bring us together, not divide us. Listen to what you want and don’t shame others for not knowing what you like.”

And Nine Inch Nails art director Rob Sheridan also chimed in, saying, “RE: This Billie Eilish/Van Halen thing, honestly, it’s extremely good that hair metal finally doesn’t matter anymore. We worked extremely hard to kill hair metal in the ’90s, thank you teens for giving it an unceremonious ‘okay, boomer.’ Imagine being a teen in the ’90s and people being shocked that you didn’t know or care about Perry Como. Because THAT’S HOW OLD VAN HALEN IS NOW.”

OK boomer. And yes thank you Rob Sheridan for saying what needed to be said on this subject! Hair metal is a dead genre! The days of doing gratuitous amounts of coke and blow off hookers’ stomachs is no longer a thing. Yeah if you want to relive your glory days then go listen to SiruisXM’s Hair Metal station and leave the rest of us alone! Shit, even Eddie Van Halen’s own son supports Ms. Eilish’s claims!

Don't shame people who don't know Van Halen.

That's the message straight from Eddie Van Halen's son.

Wolfgang Van Halen, who also plays bass in his dad's band, is taking up for current music phenom Billie Eilish.

Eilish, 17, caused a stir recently during an appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

Kimmel asked her to name some members of the famed band.

"Who?," she said. "No, who is that?"

"I'm gonna start crying," Kimmel joked.

The internet also had feelings.

Yeah seriously stop talking. Even Eddie Van Halen himself has defended Billie Eilish in saying that it’s totally OK – and as I’ve said dead references are dead references. Doesn’t matter the time or the place, and I’m sure your grandparents freaked out when you didn’t know who Dean Martin was. What? He’s the guy who sings “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie”. Nobody? Well, you’re not alone! I must say though I do love Smash Mouth’s response:

Billie Eilish has been defended by Van Halen after the singer acknowledged she hadn't heard of the popular 1980s rock band.

Jimmy Kimmel asked the "Bad Guy" singer on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on November 22 whether she could name a member of Van Halen, to which a puzzled Eilish responded, "Who?"

On Twitter on Monday, the band's 28-year-old bassist, Wolfgang Van Halen, the son of the founding member Eddie, told fans to check out the 17-year-old singer.

"If you haven't heard of @billieeilish, go check her out. She's cool. If you haven't heard of @VanHalen, go check them out. They're cool too," he tweeted.

Wolfgang Van Halen also told people who had criticized Eilish after the Kimmel interview not to "shame others for not knowing what you like."

The '90s rock band Smash Mouth, popular for its songs "All Star" and "I'm a Believer," also defended Eilish, tweeting: "We grew up listening to #VanHalen and we're old as fck so why would @billieeilish know who they are? #NoDiss."

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[font size="8"]The XFL: How Is This Still A Thing?
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From: Idiots #8-7

Greg H. from Syracuse, NY asks:

“Hey Top 10, you love to talk smack about the XFL, but what is going to happen to that, given everything that is going on?”

Well, Greg, the XFL may sadly, no longer still be a thing.

It’s time once again to ask:

This week – the XFL: How is this still a thing? Way back in 2018, Vince McMahon, the chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced that he was bringing back his once-failed NFL rival, the XFL. And this time around it was going to have a more conservative, MAGA friendly approach after the Colin Kaepernick circular firing squad ensued. But let’s focus on one team first: The Los Angeles Wildcats who in their first week, got stomped. Which meant that for their home opener, nobody showed up. Yes, they have abysmal attendance ratings and a poor quarterback to blame for why the team is currently in last place.

It looks like the Los Angeles Chargers aren’t the only pro football team struggling to put butts in seats. Check out the scene before the XFL's Los Angeles Wildcats hosted the Dallas Renegades Sunday at Dignity Health Sports Park.

While those were images and video from before the game began, the scene wasn’t too much better at kickoff, with well over half of the seats at the small stadium still empty.

It’s not the first XFL game to feature a less-than-packed house, either. Early television ratings were strong, however, and one wonders if the rising ticket prices in Week 2 had something to do with the scene in Los Angeles.

Yes, the X is for Xtreme! So the Los Angeles Chargers and the LA Rams are struggling to get fans to attend games, but then come the Wildcats of the XFL and say “hold my beer”! Well, despite the extremely poor attendance, makes things even worse when the Wildcats fired their defensive coordinator literally after the first game. Guess you could say that things are going well for that particular team?

The XFL's Los Angeles Wildcats made a series of unusual moves Monday, two days after losing their first game in the league's inaugural season.

The Wildcats fired defensive coordinator Pepper Johnson in a decision that head coach Winston Moss called "difficult."

Meanwhile, linebacker and team captain Anthony Johnson tweeted that he is now a "free agent."

The Wildcats confirmed Pepper Johnson's firing in a statement from Moss.

"We recognize that there are issues we need to address for the 2020 season," Moss said. "While these decisions are difficult, we have given this significant thought. We are here to put the best possible product on the field for our fans. We thank Pepper for his contributions to the Wildcats and we are looking forward to our home opener this weekend."

You could say that the LA Wildcats are a dumpster fire of an organization, but that’s the least of this league’s problems. So what is the XFL and why do we need it? There’s plenty of professional and semi-professional leagues around the globe. But this one is gaining the most attention and it has very few teams and even fewer people willing to go see games, especially with its’ pro conservative, MAGA friendly bias. Seriously, even the patron saint of quarterbacks, Tim Tebow, turned down an invitation to the league.

Tim Tebow confirmed Sunday that he declined an invitation to play in the XFL to continue his pursuit of a Major League Baseball career.

“Yeah, there was some communication,” the former Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback at Florida and Mets farmhand told reporters with a chuckle as he reported to the team’s spring training camp in Port St. Lucie.

“For me, this is what I wanted to do, and pursue this and be all in,” said Tebow, 32, who will be entering his fourth season in professional baseball and has yet to reach the majors.

Tebow’s baseball career hasn’t offered much promise, He owns a career .223/.299/.338 slash line in three full minor-league seasons and hit just .163/.240/.255 in 77 games at the Triple-A level last season.

Had he joined the XFL, Tebow would have unquestionably been the league’s biggest star on notoriety alone. The league, which just completed its second week of play, is lacking in recognizable names.

Well so the league has very poor attendance and teams aren’t exactly getting off to what one would call a great start. In fact, things are going so poorly for the XFL in the first two weeks of games that the stand out star of the first week, Matt McGloin of the New York Guardians, slammed his coaches because well, they didn’t exactly know what they were doing.

The New York Guardians pulled off an upset win in Week 1, but facing what might be the best team in the XFL on the road in Week 2, Matt McGloin and the Guardians offense endured a nightmarish day at Audi Field in DC. The Defenders improved to 2-0 with a 27-0 shutout of the Guardians, and McGloin struggled mightily, with just 44 passing yards and 2 interceptions, good for a rating of 10.1.

McGloin had to do a live sideline interview after throwing his first pick of the day, and things got even more awkward during his halftime interview with ESPN’s Dianna Russini.

McGloin’s performance never improved, though, and he was eventually pulled for backup Marquise Williams after throwing a second interception. In a wild scene you’ll only see in the XFL, McGloin did a third live interview after being benched, and the QB didn’t hold back.

The XFL’s signature sideline interviews add a whole different dimension to the presentation of games – but they also give players an opportunity to potentially alienate coaches or teammates. The Guardians’ trip home to New York on Saturday is going to be a long one.

So calling the XFL a dumpster fire is definitely selling it short. Could it be improved? Yes. Are the between play interviews a good idea? Absolutely not. And are the games expected to improve and draw an audience anytime soon? Well that could happen because the XFL needs fans. Or it could not. But there is one thing you can expect for future games.

In the days since the Houston Roughnecks' XFL opener Saturday, wide receiver Kahlil Lewis has heard from a lot of people about what he did in the game.

No, it wasn't about any of his five catches for 45 yards, including a touchdown, or the 37-17 Roughnecks victory over the Los Angeles Wildcats. Instead, they were contacting him about something that happened in the first quarter.

Three plays into the game, Roughnecks quarterback P.J. Walker threw a 50-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Cam Phillips. Lewis ran down the field to celebrate after chugging a whole bottle of Gatorade, and he was the first player to reach Phillips after he scored.

When Lewis was lining up for the 1-point conversion, he threw up.

So bad quarterbacks, poor attendance, in between play interviews, and on field vomit. That’s enough to make you ask – The XFL:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. Because even in the end times we still have our fair share of stupid people. What? My producer is telling us that it’s not the end times. Fuck! But I wanted to bring about this story. One of my favorite things is when people can’t do math. And last week, before the end of days, one of my favorite stories was of the fallout of Michael Bloomberg, who blew a whopping $500 million on his campaign. But here’s the thing – if you can’t do math, you should probably keep your mouth shut on the subject. Because it makes you look… well, it makes you look like a dumbass.

Mike Bloomberg spent over $500 million during his short-lived campaign to become the Democratic nominee for president. And while that's a lot of money, it's nowhere near enough to make every American a millionaire.

Two reporters claimed otherwise on MSNBC in a clip that has gone viral on Twitter. "It's an incredible way of putting it," New York Times Editorial Board Member Mara Gay tells MSNBC's Brian Williams in the clip. "It's true, it's disturbing, it does suggest, you know, what we're talking about here, that's there's too much money in politics."

The reporters were repeating a March 3 tweet from freelance journalist Mekita Rivas. "Bloomberg spent $500 million on ads," Rivas tweeted. "The U.S. population is 327 million. He could have given each American $1 million and still have money left over. I feel like a $1 million check would be life-changing for most people. Yet he wasted it all on ads and STILL LOST." Rivas has since set her Twitter account to private; her still viewable Twitter bio currently reads "I know, I'm bad at math."


At the time of publication, the Census Bureau estimates that there are 329,363,945 people living in the United States. If Bloomberg did divide his $500 million campaign budget between every American, each person would get less than $2.

Ooh man that felt good. But yeah nice try people. Next up, we got to talk about minor league baseball for a minute. Yeah it sucks that there’s no sports of any kind being played right now. But the thing with minor league teams is that they get into some absolutely ridiculous promotions. But maybe don’t promote your team with one of the most infamous double murders in American history. Yeah really don’t go there.

The Charleston RiverDogs, a minor-league baseball team in South Carolina and Class A affiliate of the New York Yankees, have removed an "OJ Trial Night" promotion that was slated for late May. The decision came in response to backlash the team received for announcing the promo, which was going to highlight both O.J. Simpson's 1995 murder trial and orange juice.

"After taking a step back and having further reflection on the overall message that was being conveyed, it was the responsible thing to do," team president Dave Echols told the Post and Courier.

The night, which was originally scheduled for May 26, was promoted as a "juicy spin" on the most famous trial of the 20th century. Based on the event description, that phrase was meant to be a pun with the joke being that fans would get asked questions about orange juice. This is how the evening was described:

The trial of the century gets a juicy new spin. We will finally receive the verdict that everyone has been waiting for … pulp or no pulp?.

Fans will act as our jury, voting with custom paddles to reach verdicts on various topics throughout the night. The eyes of the nation will be upon us. Fans will receive an "OJ Trial" shirt upon entering the stadium. If the shirt don't fit, you must … see if we have a different size.

Yeah no stop it! That’s the kind of thing we’re trying to avoid here. Next up – in a scene eerily reminiscent of Deadpool – a paraglider attempted to land and got sucked into power lines! I know that seems like a horror show doesn’t it? But we can happily file this one into the “People Are Dumb” file because the pilot was thankfully safe and nothing bad happened but still. I mean this is a scene straight from Deadpool 2.

A paraglider had to be rescued after he flew into power lines and became trapped in the wires for more than three hours.

The man become entangled in the power lines Wednesday afternoon while trying to land near the Yuba County Airport in Olivehurst, California, the Yuba County Sheriff's Department said in a news release.
Jimmy Comstock, who lives nearby, told CNN affiliate KTXL that he saw two paragliders in the sky before one separated and flew straight into the wires. "I seen two of them coming," Comstock said. "One went that way and the other come over the trees, dipped down in the road then tried to get out of the road and then hit the wires."

The Pacific Gas and Electric Company quickly turned off all the power in the area to prevent the glider from being electrocuted, while rescuers responded and began work to get him down.

"Our main focus was letting him know to stay in contact with the aircraft, not to try to reach out, touch us or move around as much so that the aircraft stayed still and wouldn't potentially fall," Olivehurst Fire Battalion Chief Randy York told CNN affiliate KTXL.
Officials said the pilot was conscious and communicating with first responders when paramedics transported him to the hospital to be evaluated.

Yeah so that is art come to life! Seriously! Next up – with all the health things in the news right now, it’s hard to sort fact from fiction. But one thing is for certain – maybe don’t use your ass as an orifice for inserting potatoes. Yeah that’s not exactly something that I would recommend, and I’m not a doctor. So even actual doctors are advising against this.

Doctors have issued a warning against putting frozen potatoes in your anus.

This comes as an increasing number of hemorrhoid sufferers have reportedly taken to the internet to seek alternative solutions to their problem instead of consulting doctors.

Now, it has emerged that an altogether unusual solution is being touted online: that inserting frozen potatoes into your anus for 30 minutes is the answer.

Per Wales Online, one article claims: "Here's what you need to do: Peel a raw potato and cut into thin slices, like you do it for French fries.

"Put the slices into the freezer and wait until they are frozen.

Finally this week – being sober is a very serious deal. And there’s plenty of ways to celebrate being sober if you are into that sort of thing. But one way *NOT* to celebrate your sober anniversary is to do something ridiculously stupid. Like I don’t know, buy a motorcycle if you don’t have a license for it. And that’s exactly what this guy did.

An Arizona man arrested for allegedly stealing a motorcycle from a Kawasaki dealership told police he was “celebrating 4 months of sobriety and decided he wanted” a chopper, according to court records.

Investigators say that Jackson Hanley, 29, was actually intoxicated when he walked into a Mesa dealership earlier this month and “grabbed a Kawasaki motorcycle and began pushing it down the street.”

Hanley, who rode his bicycle to Kelly’s Kawasaki, had his theft bid thwarted when a customer alerted an employee that a crime was in progress. Police were then summoned and Hanley was located about a mile away. “The defendant,” a cop noted, was found “resting on a fence with the bike slightly tipped over but still upright.”

Hanley, cops say, “admitted to stealing the motorcycle. He said he was celebrating 4 months of sobriety and decided he wanted a motorcycle.” Hanley reportedly said he was “going to walk it back home and try and start it there.”

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2020 Round 1 Week 1
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16 states will enter and only one will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome to the kick off of the 2020 Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State contest! It’s Round 1 Week 1 so that means that anything goes. And due to the Coronavirus outbreak, our teams tonight may or may not be playing in front of a live audience depending on whether or not the city of Denver approves it or not. Now that said, we have not one but two exciting matchups tonight! In the first corner, representing the Batshit Conference, we have the #1 seed Virginia playing the #2 seed Kentucky in a battle of heavyweight contenders! Not to be outdone, in the Family Values Conference, last years' champion Alabama is praying to god against #2 Oklahoma! The winner moves on to the next round and the loser goes home! We go live to the floor of the home of the hottest team in hockey, the Colorado Avalanche, for the first round action!

[font size="4"]Batshit Conference Semifinals: #1 Virginia Vs #2 Kentucky[/font]

[font size="4"]Virginia[/font]

Virginia may be for lovers, but that doesn’t help that the state is completely, totally batshit fucking crazy. It has voted overwhelmingly conservative in the last 4 years. It’s also the home of everyone’s favorite Christian diploma mill, Liberty University. And Liberty, as we previously reported in
Idiots #8-5, has a completely batshit insane plan orchestrated by Falwell to turn a percentage of Virginia’s precincts over to West Virginia that could completely remake the borders between the two states! And come on guys, at least have a better name for your plan than “Vexit”.

The leaders of the grassroots movement known as VEXIT today announced the next steps for Virginia counties to abandon the radical policies of Democrat Party leaders in Richmond by joining the free state of West Virginia.

The steps, announced by Rick Boyer, a Rustburg, Virginia attorney and the President of VEXIT, include a new effort to gather signatures on petitions to local governments, the distribution of key new information about the inability of the Virginia government to intercede in the process, and the appointment of Jerry Falwell, Jr., the President of Liberty University, as the Honorary Chairman of VEXIT.

VEXIT plans to increase its outreach to citizens to encourage them to demand a vote in their local county (or independent city) this fall to become a county in West Virginia. More information is found on VEXIT's website, https://vexit2020.com/.

"This movement can't be stopped by Richmond because Virginia's Constitution already gives local communities the right to do this," said Falwell.

Yeah no that’s a terrible idea. But what’s even more shocking is that this is having a reverse effect on the two states as West Virginia is now saying that they don’t want the Virginia counties! Man I have a feeling that Falwell fucked up (shocker) and that this could turn into a real life turf war. Yeah during this time that’s the absolute last thing we need!

A Virginia congressman said he thinks its better for counties from West Virginia to join the Commonwealth than the reverse as proposed in VEXIT.

VEXIT, a proposal made in January by Jerry Falwell, Jr. the son of televangelist Jerry Falwell, Sr. and president of Liberty University and West Virginia Gov. Jim Justice, calls for Virginia counties to secede the state in favor of joining West Virginia.

“I love West Virginia, I have family there. Our goal is to have West Virginia counties to secede to us. So, how about we work that way, right, first?” said U.S. Rep. Denver Riggleman (R-VA).

“I think as we get more people involved I think in politics, and people see that they want their freedom of liberty over government oppression, I think you’re going to see people say ‘Hey, you know what? We can bring Virginia back to where we need it to be. We don’t need to go somewhere else.”
U.S. Rep. Denver Riggleman (R-VA)

Falwell, during the media conference announcing VEXIT said, “We need a state government that is not elected by federal workers in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., that will protect our God-given rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and I believe West Virginia will do just that.”

[font size="4"]Kentucky[/font]

The Bluegrass State is no stranger to being at the top of the Batshit Conference. After all, they are home to the two worst senators in the entire country – Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul. And thankfully things are starting to change for the better in the Bluegrass State, but we have a long way to go before it’s considered flipped. For one thing, while Andy Beshar is doing a good job of running things, there’s still the fallout from the Matt Bevin era, where we had one of the worst governors in the entire state.

When the Louisville Courier-Journal revealed earlier this month that former Kentucky governor Matt Bevin (R) had pardoned a slew of violent criminals during his final weeks in office, he cited his belief in second chances.

But on Thursday, Bevin offered a different explanation for one particularly controversial pardon: He said he didn’t believe that a 9-year-old girl was raped, because her hymen was intact.

“There was zero evidence,” Bevin told talk-radio host Terry Meiners of WHAS.

Already under fire for handing out pardons to relatives of his supporters, Bevin is now facing an onslaught of criticism from medical and forensic experts. Scientists have debunked the notion that inspecting an alleged victim’s hymen can prove whether they were sexually assaulted, and found that most survivors of child sexual abuse do not have any physical damage. George Nichols, an expert in evaluating child abuse who also served as Kentucky’s chief medical examiner for 20 years, told the Courier-Journal on Thursday that Bevin “clearly doesn’t know medicine and anatomy.”

Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/12/20/matt-bevin-micah-schoettle-child-rapist-hymen-intact-pardon/

Whew, that is a stunning level of creepy there isn’t it? And what is it with these anti-abortion creeps and hymans? I know that part of the female anatomy but still… creepy! OK moving on, you know the other thing that makes Kentucky weird? Guns. They have guns. And they have lots of guns. And they are not afraid to use them either. Or parade them around while attending rallies at the capital, because, guns.

Gun owners from around Kentucky showed up armed at the state’s Capitol building in Frankfort on Friday, rallying for gun rights and protesting a proposed “red flag” law and other potential gun limits in the state.

The group “We Are KY Gun Owners” organized the rally, the Louisville Courier-Journal reported, and the event featured speeches from Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) as well as Dick Heller, the plaintiff in the case over the Washington, D.C. gun ban, District of Columbia v. Heller, that the Supreme Court eventually decided in Heller’s favor.

Previous gun rallies at the state’s Capitol building exposed a gun-friendly loophole in the Capitol’s rules, the Courier-Journal observed: Umbrellas and sticks are banned, but not rifles.

The photographer Bryan Woolston was on-hand for the event. See his photos for Getty, below:

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

Wow, this was a close one. And tied at 94 with less than 5 seconds to go, Kentucky… misses the rebound!!! Virginia picks it up, and they score! It’s good! Final second – Virginia 96, Kentucky 94. Ouch, Kentucky put up a good fight but we will see you next year!

[font size="4"]Family Values Conference Semifinals: #1 Alabama Vs #2 Oklahoma [/font]

[font size="4"]Alabama[/font]

Alabama, you know them as the Yellowhammer State. You may Roll Tide when it comes to the Family Values of Alabama. They are of course the home of Jeff Sessions and failed Senate candidate and super creepy pedophile weirdo Roy Moore. But if you want to know how Alabama treats its’ family values, just consider that they’re the state full of compassionate conservatives and good ol’ boys. In fact they don’t take too kindly to strangers.

The Alabama Senate has passed a bill that would ban gender therapies such as prescription hormones or gender confirmation surgery for minors.

The legislation would make it a felony for medical providers to prescribe puberty-blockers or hormones to anyone under age 19, or perform gender confirmation surgery on them. It passed 22-3 and now heads to the House of Representatives.

The bill's sponsor is Trussville Republican Sen. Shay Shelnutt. Shelnutt said Thursday that children shouldn't be given “experimental” medications or procedures that could have permanent effects.

Mobile Democratic Sen. Vivian Davis Figures questioned whether lawmakers should restrict healthcare decisions made between parents and children.

Read more: https://www.apr.org/post/alabama-senate-oks-bill-banning-gender-treatment-minors

Apparently they don’t think of the children much in the Yellowhammer State. But where else does Alabama lay king to the crown of Family Values? Well just take a look at their police department. You know John Oliver did that piece on local sheriffs. But this is why you shouldn’t trust any state where the flag is a giant red X. Because you get shit like this.

The assistant police chief of a tiny Alabama town has apologized for a Facebook post in which he suggested U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi could be targeted with a roadside bomb.

Jeff Buckles, the assistant chief of the Geraldine police department, took to Facebook after Pelosi, the Democratic House leader, ripped apart a copy of President Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech on Tuesday night.

“Pelosi just ripped up his speach (sic),” Buckles wrote in the public post, which since appears to have been deleted or removed from public view. “Road Side bomb on her way home and any other Dumbocrats.”

He later apologized in a follow-up post for “venting on FB,” saying his remarks “definitely offended” some people.

Read more: https://www.al.com/news/2020/02/alabama-cop-posts-online-about-roadside-bomb-for-nancy-pelosi-other-dumbocrats.html

[font size="4"]Oklahoma[/font]

The Sooner State is no stranger to Family Values. They’re the home of another senator who is with the swamp, James Inhofe. And it’s also good to know that in this times of crisis and peril, Oklahoma knows what’s really at stake. No it’s not that millions could be infected by COVID-19. It’s that your abortion rights are at stake and the Christian right is moving to call “check mate” while the rest of the world is distracted, for you know, obvious reasons.

The Oklahoma Senate approved legislation Thursday to essentially prohibit abortions in Oklahoma after six weeks of pregnancy.

The Senate voted 36-8 for the bill, which now heads to the House for consideration.

The bill by Republican Sen. Paul Scott of Duncan would prohibit doctors from performing an abortion, beginning at six weeks of pregnancy, if a fetal heartbeat or brain waves are detected.

“Doctors take an oath to protect life, so this will also hold them accountable for that oath by taking away the licenses of any who violate this law,” Scott said in a statement.

And by the way, with hardcore family values comes some hardcore racism! So back in the early 1920s, Oklahoma was met with some race riots, which did not end well. And the incident had been not thought about in years, but with the recent HBO mini series Watchmen, there has been some interest resurging in finding out what actually happened. Well, it’s way more horrifying than you might think!

Results of subsurface scanning in search of unmarked burials from the 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre will be reported to the public at 5:30 p.m. Monday at Carver Middle School’s Tyrone Wilkerson Auditorium, 624 E. Oklahoma Place.

Scientists will present their findings to a public oversight committee, who will then contemplate further steps in the search. The meeting is open to the public.

Initiated by Mayor G.T. Bynum, the investigation centers on nearly century-old rumors that bodies from the 1921 event were disposed of secretly. The official death count, based on death certificates and National Guard reports, is 37, but authorities said at the time they could not confirm that all deaths were accounted for.

In October, scientists with Oklahoma Archeological Survey and the Medical Examiner’s Office conducted tests at Newblock Park and Oaklawn Cemetery. It is the results of these tests that will be discussed Monday.

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is:[/font]

Oh this is no contest, Alabama handily knocks off Oklahoma to advance to the next round. Final score - 84 - 69.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week it’s Round 1 Week 2 and we are live in Austin, Texas at the home of the Texas Longhorns, the Frank C Irwin Center, for all the action! It’s a battle of Fiscal Irresponsibility heavyweights as the Volunteers in #3 Tennessee go for broke against the Cornhuskers in #4 Nebraska! Meanwhile, in the Gun Nut Conference, it’s a duel to the death as the Desert Warriors of #3 New Mexico take on the Show Me State in #4 Missouri! It’s getting exciting, folks!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Iggy Pop[/font]

My next guest is an absolutely legendary punk rock performer. In fact you can see him perform at Carnegie Hall in New York City on March 6th. Playing his song “James Bond” from his new album “Free”, give it up for the one, the only Iggy Pop!!!

Thank you for getting us through this incredibly difficult week! The full and proper Idiots you know and love will be back as soon as we can. See you next week!


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Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Mar 18, 2020, 05:21 PM (3 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-9: Life's A Beach, Then You Die Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-9: Life’s A Beach, Then You Die Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Wichita? I think this is our first time ever in Kansas, how cool is that? Well you guys are in for a treat because today marks the return of the National For Fucks Sake Association and our 2020 Stupidest State! This is my favorite Top 10 of the year (with the exception of our Year In Review edition) because it’s Selection Sunday. And that means that we have all the info you need to fill out your brackets! Do we have time for the thing? OK so spring training is a thing that is happening. You know we had a planned piece this week about people who are planning to boo the Astros on opening day, but we’re going to save that when it gets much closer to MLB opening day. Of course if the Coronavirus happens, the Astros will get booed after someone uses their computer to hack the Angels’ PA system. Oh you know it’s happening. Some Dodgers and Yankees fans right now are plotting that. But I got to show this footage of my team, the Angels. And Mike Trout just launched this ball into pretty much low earth orbit:


That is fucking insane. I think that thing is in low earth orbit right now. Hell I’m pretty sure that it hit the windshield of the Tesla roadster that Elon Musk launched into orbit last year. Some guy in Portugal is going “where the hell did this golf ball come from?”. I’m pretty sure that’s what the crazy aunt in Christmas Vacation saw when she started singing the National Anthem at the end of the movie. Yes, he hit that ball so far it could travel through time! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first John Oliver tears into myths and stupidity surrounding the Coronavirus:

This week, the Coronavirus has dominated the news, and as such it’s going to dominate the Top 10 this week! In the first slot this week is of course the guy who we currently call president, and that’s Donald J. Trump (1). Here’s the thing – does everything have to be a conspiracy with these kooks? Well for those of us who live in reality, he’s gone off the rails on his response to the Corona Virus scandal and it’s quite insane. At slot #2 – is our annual look at all the ramblings from CPAC in Washington DC and this time the merger of the Alt Right and far right traditional conservatives is complete. Think the end of Terminator 2. Taking the third slot this week, is also Donald J. Trump (3). And his week-long stint in India as a guest of their Hindu nationalist prime minister Narajendra Modi was insane, and Modi has committed far worse crimes than Trump has. In slot number 4 is, well, we had a piece planned about Louis Gohmert and the lynch mob (great band name, BTW), but instead we have to talk about what happened between hip hop hall of famers Public Enemy and now former member Flavor Flav over what happened at the Bernie Sanders rally in Los Angeles. Yeah… WTF? Taking the fifth slot this week, is of course our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and in light of Trump’s trip to India this week we’re taking a look at some (not) shocking revelations surrounding the diet of our 45th president, and what he eats on a daily basis, and is it good for you? Easy answer: No. In slot #6 is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and the Christian right has some insane responses to the Coronavirus, and our resident pastor is going to go through some of them including Jim Bakker's controversial "Silver Solution" and praying away the virus! Taking the 7th slot this week, is a new “Beating A Dead Horse”. Dennis Prager’s Prager U sued Google after getting banned from Youtube, and there was a surprising verdict in the trial and we will tell you about it! In slot #8 is a new edition of “NO!” (8), and people, don’t profit from a tragedy. eBay shut down people selling items from Kobe Bryant’s memorial service, so yeah really don’t do that! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we have a new “I Need A Drink”. And this week we’re going to raise our glasses and have a toast for Mad Mike Hughes, the Flat Earther who was so obsessed he built a homemade rocket to prove it, and sadly ended up dying in the process. Mad Mike, we salute you! Well, maybe not. Finally this week this is my favorite Top 10 of the year because it’s time for our 4th annual Stupidest State contest! And we kick off the games with our NFFSA presentation of Selection Sunday! Yes, we will give you all the states, stats, odds, and info you need to fill out your brackets and select our 4th annual Stupidest State winner! Plus the palate cleanser, we have some live music from our good friends 311 have returned and they are celebrating their semi-annual celebration of all things 311 on the Las Vegas Strip! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Corona Virus Hysteria
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The Corona Virus is absolutely dominating the news this week. As such, it takes up the top spot this week on the list. Of course when something goes viral this fast, things get weird. And if you are in the Trump world, everything that he is doing is fine, because Trump is every god in the book according the Trumpers, and everything else is a conspiracy against him. No, there’s no conspiracies here. The only thing working against Trump is some complete and utter incompetence, and it’s really starting to show, so the only people in denial are Trump’s biggest fans. It’s like the Corona slogan “Life’s a beach”, well, in this case, life's a beach, then you die, and you can fuck right off. And really, you don’t hand off the keys to a guy who will steer the ship right off the cliff and that’s exactly what Trump did to Mike Pence.

Vice President Mike Pence said Sunday that it is certain additional people in the United States will contract the new coronavirus spreading rapidly across the globe, but he said the risk to the average American remains low and the government is doing "everything possible to prevent the spread."

"There will be more cases. There's no question," Pence said on NBC News' "Meet the Press." But, he said, "the vast majority" of Americans who become infected "will be treated, they will recover."

President Donald Trump has put Pence in charge of a task force charged with coordinating the government's response to the outbreak. Pence stressed that the administration was taking "a whole of government approach."

"I'll have one of the most renowned experts in infectious diseases literally joining my staff in the West Wing tomorrow. We're going to bring the best scientific minds, experts together," Pence said, "We’re going to work every day to, to contain this disease, to treat those that are contracted.".

Oh yeah this is fine. But here’s why you don’t put a guy like Mike Pence in charge of eradicating an evolving threat like the Corona Virus. He’s not very good at it! Pence can be “very confident” all he wants, but putting him in charge is like giving a blindfolded monkey a bunch of darts and expecting him to hit a dart board. Sure, he’ll try, but he will hit everything but the target no matter how many darts he has. But let’s look at Pence’s track record on diseases.

On Wednesday February 26, President Trump placed Vice President Mike Pence in charge of the response to the coronavirus outbreak in the United States. The gesture was partly politics—signaling the disease was important enough to require the vice president’s attention—but also built on a claim about Pence’s expertise as the former governor of Indiana. As he assigned him to this task, the president praised Pence, maintaining that Indiana under his leadership was a model for the country in its approach to health.

This weekend, on Saturday, Trump doubled down on that claim. Asked about Pence’s role in the response to an HIV outbreak in Scott County, Indiana, during his governorship. Trump responded, “I think he’s done a phenomenal job on healthcare. One of the best, if not the best, in the country.” He then turned the podium over to the Vice President.

Pence described his response to the outbreak of HIV in Scott County: “the state of Indiana did not allow for providing a needle exchange to citizens. But the CDC came in and made a recommendation. And I declared a public health emergency. And made for 30 days a needle exchange available in the state of Indiana. And I’m proud to say that every one of those patients was treated. We ended the spread of the HIV/AIDS virus in that community.”

Oh and fuck you, Trump. Not everything that happens against you is a personal attack brought on by the other side. It’s your own incompetence that is to blame!! The sad thing is that this whole thing could have been prevented. But it’s gross incompetence and the US media’s tendencies for over the top theatrics that is making this that much worse. And let’s not forget that Trump gutted the funding for the CDC. Then blames it on everyone else.

The night before the South Carolina Democratic primary, President Donald Trump appeared in that state at a rally in North Charleston, where he appeared to downplay the threat of the novel coronavirus — and Covid-19, the disease it causes — by decrying it as a “hoax.”

Speaking before a crowd of thousands, Trump accused Democrats of politicizing the spread of the Covid-19, which has killed almost 3,000 people worldwide and infected at least 15 people (not counting those who were diagnosed with Covid-19 following their exposure to to the virus aboard the Diamond Princess cruise ship) in the US to date.

“One of my people came up to me and said, ‘Mr. President, they tried to beat you on Russia, Russia, Russia. That didn’t work out too well. They couldn’t do it.’ They tried the impeachment hoax,” said Trump. “And this is their new hoax.”

“The Democrats are politicizing the coronavirus,” Trump continued, and mocked the party by saying “can’t even count their votes in Iowa,” referring to the technological and human errors that led to a delay in the release of Iowa caucuses results. In response to those who have criticized his response to the virus’ spread, he said that his administration’s closing of US borders have kept the number of infections low domestically.

Damn right!!! Funny that the people who accuse the other side of politicizing a tragedy are the ones politicizing a tragedy. Is it sad that we have to get our news from the president at one of his MAGA campaign rallies? It’s like watching a really bad stand up comedian who bombs at the chuckle hut and somehow gets promoted to selling out Madison Square Garden. Oh wait, I don’t have to, that guy is Sebastian Manascalco. They might as well just say that we’re on our own and it’s every man and woman for themselves. But one thing – it’s not Mexico’s fault, jackass.

The U.S. is banning travel to Iran in response to the outbreak of the new coronavirus and elevating travel warnings to regions of Italy and South Korea.

Vice President Mike Pence announced the new restrictions and warnings as President Donald Trump said 22 people in the U.S. have been stricken by the new coronavirus, including four deemed “very ill” and that additional cases are “likely.” Trump added that he was considering additional restrictions, including closing the U.S. border with Mexico in response to the virus’ spread.

“We’re thinking about all borders,” Trump said.

Trump provided an update on the virus from the White House press briefing room for the second time this week after the first reported U.S. death Saturday, of a woman he described as being in her late 50s and having a high medical risk. Robert Redfield, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said there was “no evidence of link to travel” in the case of the woman who died.

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[font size="8"]CPAC Recap
[br] [/font]

You know there was quite a lot to unpack from the last week. What happened? There was a deadly disease that’s spreading around the world… you had Public Enemy break up, there’s a giant election in California that could decide the next president… oh yeah! There was the annual gathering of the deplorables known as the Conservative Political Action Committee, which this year got overshadowed by a hip hop group from the fucking 1980s! Lost in the news was all the insanity going down in Washington, DC which included an appearance from everyone’s favorite conspiracy theorist Alex Jones in his armored tank.

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, associates of his media operation Infowars, and other far-right activists are traveling to the nation’s capital this week for the annual Conservative Political Action Conference. They’re also sponsoring separate right-wing events in the Washington, D.C., region, including one featuring former Republican U.S. Senate and gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart of Virginia, according to the event’s registration page.

Stewart’s Senate candidacy drew criticism for its ties to right-wing extremists, so much so that the National Republican Senatorial Committee decided not to invest in his 2018 campaign. Stewart was the Virginia state chair of Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign and received Trump’s endorsement for his 2018 bid for Congress. He was previously set to appear at a similarly fringe-right event in 2018 but withdrew after our reporting.

Jones announced on his Sunday Infowars broadcast that he planned to travel to CPAC and that his company had sponsored two other events hosted by National File, a right-wing media outlet led by the operator of a popular pro-Trump Facebook page called God Emperor Trump. National File will host two events featuring Jones and like-minded speakers: an “Emergency Save the First Amendment Summit” in Washington Wednesday, where Stewart is set to appear, and a separate reception near the CPAC venue in Maryland Thursday.

Excuse me a minute… but that wasn’t the only batshit crazy thing that happened at CPAC this year, it was exactly the shit show that everybody expected it was going to be. So of course if you follow the GOP lately, like I do, you know that they view Trump as a deity and anyone who opposes him as a socialist Satan worshipper. But who’s the real economic threat? If you ask conservatives, it’s not billionaires like Jeff Bezos or Charles Koch. They have a much different opinion. Hold your boos.

Continuing the “America vs. socialism” theme of the Conservative Political Action Conference in National Harbor, Maryland, Friday, Ivanka Trump, daughter and adviser to President Donald Trump, and Larry Kudlow, Trump’s top economic adviser, presented the U.S. economy under Trump as a bastion of freedom under attack by socialist forces.

Kudlow, director of the National Economic Council, began the conversation by addressing the heightened anxiety around the coronavirus and the stock market, which had its worst week since 2008, telling CPAC attendees that socialism is a far bigger threat to the American economy than the coronavirus is.

“The virus is not going to sink the American economy. What is or could sink the American economy is the socialism coming from our friends on the other side of the aisle,” Kudlow said.

Kudlow told American investors that they shouldn’t worry if they’re longterm investors; he then proceeded to encourage investment, adding, “you might think about buying the dip.” Studies show that timing the market—trying to buy cheap stocks when the market crashes—doesn’t work, which prompts the question why Kudlow is encouraging it or if he’s just trying to make his boss happy.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Shut up!!! Do you guys even know what the idea of socialism is? We have socialism but for the billionaires. Come on, you guys have the fucking Daily Caller as a moderator. You might as well have the KKK moderate. And there’s no coup going on here either, not everything that happens is a personal affluent to Trump, OK? If you think that’s insane, wait until you see how they treat one of their own!

Turning Point USA’s Charlie Kirk spoke at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) today, where he praised the audience for booing when he mentioned the name of Sen. Mitt Romney, who was publicly “uninvited” to the event after he voted to call for witnesses during President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial.

When Kirk mentioned Romney’s name during his speech, the audience booed and Kirk encouraged them to do so.

“Correct answer,” Kirk said. “Every time his name is mentioned, you should respond that way because he lied to every single person in this room that knocked on doors for him, that made phone calls for him, that donated to his campaign. We thought that he was going to be a crusader against the Marxist president that preceded Donald Trump. And now he asks and he begs for the endorsement of Donald Trump for the Senate in Utah, and then he goes and votes for the sham unconstitutional impeachment.”

Uh oh, Mitt Romney had an independent thought! That’s bad for the cult! You know that’s one thing – if you join our side, we have all the cool celebrities! If you join the conservative side, you have to put up with dipshits like Charlie Kirk and Kid Rock. And by the way, in case you’re wondering where their Socialist Derangement Syndrome is showing, they are terrified at the mere mention of the word “socialist”. It’s their kryptonite. Oh be afraid, GOP, be very afraid!

President Donald Trump's speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference Saturday was short and sweet compared to his more than two-hour long address last year, which remains the longest speech of his presidency.

Like his campaign rallies, Trump's CPAC speech this year catered to his base -- in particular, the mix of conservatives the conference attracts -- and its content reflected that. Between mocking the 2020 Democratic presidential candidates and thanking God for his administration's accomplishments, Trump managed to speak more honestly than at last year's CPAC address, which had the most false claims for any single speech he's given as President.

During Saturday's speech, Trump made a point of noting he does not like to be repetitive. Nevertheless,r he repeated at least six false claims on topics ranging from impeachment to the economy.
Russia, if you're listening

Ragging on the media, Trump claimed the video of his previous "Russia, if you're listening" comment was cut off "right at the end so you don't then see the laughter, the joke." The comment Trump is referring to was from a 2016 press conference where he asked for help obtaining his opponent Hillary Clinton's deleted emails and infamously said, "Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing."

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Let’s take a look at the relationship between India and the United States. The two countries are undergoing a dynamic shift in culture and thanks to social media propaganda, are shifting extremely far to the right. So why does India love Trump? Well as John Oliver pointed out, Trump and India’s PM Modi have a lot in common. They’re both loved and supported by nationalist extremists and they’re both self-centered egomaniacs who spend a lot of time on social media. That said, the differences between the two are uncanny. The only difference is that Trump doesn’t exactly participate in state sanctioned murder, at least not yet. We hope it doesn’t come to that.

A potentially brilliant foreign policy strategy unfolded last week during President Trump’s trip to India. Hardly anyone in America knows that, or has been talking about it, because it’s hard to find a journalist who filed an interesting or insightful story from New Delhi.

Trump’s visit to India reflected a complex approach for strengthening America’s hand in South Asia and triangulating Russia, China and India in Central Asia. But, rather than assessing what was happening on this trip from a geopolitical perspective, most journalists subjected Americans to a predictable Trump-diminishing snarkfest. A central storyline was that Trump flew halfway around the world to get the adulation of 100,000 Indians in a cricket stadium, broadcasted back to the U.S. at 3 a.m. Eastern time. Pseudo-psychologist commentators branded the trip an effort to “seek adulation” and “a sightseeing tour.”

But, as they like to say, here is the breaking news: Any day of any week, Trump could fill stadiums from Cleveland to Dallas with 100,000 cheering Americans who actually could vote for him, rather than flying a grueling 20 hours to India for affirmation. Actually, global power politics took place under the noses of an evidently clueless press corps and major agreements were discussed that could change the balance of power in Asia.

You first. Come on, we elected the meanest, most self-centered jackass in American history. But is it any wonder why we’re going to shit? Trump isn’t just a side effect he’s the problem. Don’t worry, we will get to what he did with the food in a minute. But Trump’s idea of diplomacy isn’t exactly bringing what one would call “peace and good will”. Instead, Trump’s level of diplomacy is chaos and destruction. Think the Gotham riot scene in the Joker movie.

U.S. President Donald Trump visited India last week for the first time. The trip packed in a massive welcome rally in Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s home state of Gujarat – one that Trump is unlikely to forget – and an array of deals touching upon defense, telecom, energy, and so on.

Modi wished to use Trump’s visit for various political and economic gains. The Modi government has suffered from international backlash against policies such as the controversial Citizenship Amendment Act (CAA) and the lockdown in Kashmir. This was an opportunity for Modi to rebuild his image. Further, India is also in desperate need of foreign investment to fight record levels of unemployment and boost sagging demand in its economy.

Yet, for the most part, these objectives were undermined during Trump’s visit, as the world’s eyes were transfixed elsewhere. Not far from Trump’s hotel in Delhi, communal riots erupted, resulting in an ever-increasing death toll and pulling away the attention of the international press corps who were accompanying the president. The riots turned out to be Delhi’s worst since the 1984 communal violence against the Sikh community. And even Trump himself admitted to having talked to Modi about the importance of religious freedom during their meeting.

Trump is the Arthur Fleck of presidents. If he actually did shoot someone on 5th Avenue, I could guarantee that he could utter the line “YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!” and it would not feel out of place! And guess what? With all that diplomacy they got very little to show for it. It was pretty much a MAGA rally in another country and it began and ended nearly the same as that rally in New Jersey a couple weeks ago did – disappointed fans and large piles of trash.

India’s prime minister, Narendra Modi, has Donald Trump’s number. More to the point, he understands the president’s obsession with numbers. How many people attended Trump’s inauguration? You guessed it. More than were present at any previous presidential inauguration. Trump’s IQ? Right again; it’s “one of the highest” and exceeds that of several really smart people, including, of course, former President Barack Obama. The intelligence of the participants on Trump’s former television show, The Apprentice? Well, they are geniuses with IQs that nudge two hundred. And so it goes.

Little wonder then that Modi assured Trump that vast numbers of admirers—five to seven million people, according to the president—would show up to greet him in Ahmedabad, the largest city in Gujarat, Modi’s home state. Let’s go with a charitable interpretation: something must have gotten garbled in translation. Ahmedabad’s population totals 8.6 million, so even Modi, who has his own fascination with numbers (he claims to have a fifty-six-inch chest), couldn’t possibly have mobilized his many minions to muster a crowd that met Trump’s outlandish expectations.

The prime minister did deliver on another front, though. He doubtless knows that Trump loves big walls and had some built to grace the occasion. Modi’s wall was four feet high and nearly a kilometer long. Its purpose: to ensure that the president’s delicate sensibilities wouldn’t be offended by the sight of slums during his motorcade from the airport. India’s poor population apparently shame Modi and had to be erased for the August occasion, which lasted all of thirty-six hours. Trump then promptly departed, having seen the Taj Mahal as well the fawning posters hailing the greatness of the American president and his host. An example: “Two Dynamic Leaders: One Momentous Occasion.” Kim Jong-un couldn’t have done better.

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[font size="8"]Public Enemy Vs Bernie Sanders
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There’s no debating that Bernie Sanders is arguably the most polarizing candidate of this or any presidential election cycle. Those that love Bernie, reeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly love Bernie (see: Top 10 #8-7 ) and those that hate Bernie, well, they really hate him. I actually had the privilege of attending the rally in Los Angeles this week where the shit show between Public Enemy and long time collaborator and founding member Flavor Flav (FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAAAV!!!!) clashed for what may be the final time in their career. I mean really if Bernie can’t keep Public Enemy together, how is he going to unite the country? Seriously, I’m asking for a friend. Although when you look at it, one wonders how Chuck D and Flavor Flav did anything together, let alone for 37 fucking years. That is a long ass time to do anything! So here’s what went down.

Rapper Chuck D has fired comical hypeman Flavor Flav from the iconic Long Island hip-hop group Public Enemy following long-simmering tensions and a dispute over participation in a rally for Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders.

"Public Enemy and Public Enemy Radio will be moving forward without Flavor Flav," a representative for the group and its spinoff said in a statement Sunday. "We thank him for his years of service and wish him well."

Flav, 59, born in Roosevelt and raised in Freeport, had sent a cease-and-desist letter to Sanders Friday objecting to "unauthorized use of his likeness, image and trademarked clock in promotional materials circulated by the campaign." Posted by the online music magazine Pitchfork, the letter from Flav's attorney Matthew Friedman goes on to say, "While Chuck is certainly free to express his political views as he sees fit — his voice alone does not speak for Public Enemy. … [T]here is no Public Enemy without Flavor Flav."

In a statement to HipHopDX, Chuck D's attorney said, "From a legal standpoint, Chuck could perform as Public Enemy if he ever wanted to; he is the sole owner of the Public Enemy trademark. He originally drew the logo himself in the mid-80's, is also the creative visionary and the group's primary songwriter, having written Flavor's most memorable lines."

FLAVOR FLAV!!! Holy shit, I think the craziest thing about this story is that Flavor Flav is 59 years old, damn! That means that Public Enemy has been a band as long as I have been alive! But here’s where this story escalated quickly. Public Enemy states that their dispute with Flavor Flav wasn’t about politics. Uh, what? I mean it’s Chuck D, pretty much everything he does is about politics. Shit, I remember when he hosted that Air America show way back when that was a thing.

Rap group Public Enemy split with founder member Flavor Flav but said on Monday that the move had been a long time coming and was not because of a dispute over its performance at a rally for U.S. presidential contender Bernie Sanders.

“Public Enemy did not part ways with Flavor Flav over his political views,” co-founder Chuck D and four other members of the hip-hop group said in a statement.

The band said Flav has been suspended from Public Enemy since 2016 when he failed to show up at a benefit in Georgia for singer Harry Belafonte.

“That was the last straw for the group. He had previously missed numerous live gigs from Glastonbury to Canada, album recording sessions and photo shoots. He always chose to party over work,” the statement added.

Flav and Chuck D were founder members in 1985 of New York-based rappers Public Enemy, known for making music with a strong political message. Their 1988 album “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back” is considered one of the genre’s most influential.

And in case Flavor Flav didn’t already regret this decision, well, he’s got a much different story than what Chuck D was telling the press. Now at this point you might be asking “HEY! Isn’t this supposed to be Top 10 *CONSERVATIVE* Idiots?”. And I answer you – this is my show, I get to talk about whatever the hell I want, damn it, and I was at this rally. So that said, here’s what Flavor Flav had to say.

CLEVELAND, Ohio – Flavor Flav isn’t taking his firing from Public Enemy lying down. The Rock and Roll Hall of Famer took to social media Monday to respond to news that he had been dismissed from the group, as well as several social media posts from co-founder Chuck D.

Flavor Flav was booted from the legendary hip hop act after the two sides engaged in a beef over Chuck D and other members of PE performing at a Bernie Sanders rally in Los Angeles under the name Public Enemy Radio.

Flavor Flav had issued a cease and desist letter to Sanders’ campaign, saying they were engaging in the “the unauthorized use of [Flavor Flav’s] likeness, image and trademarked clock in promotional materials.”

This enraged Chuck D, who fired off several vicious posts on Twitter accusing Flavor Flav of being a drug addict who was desperate for money. Public Enemy then released an official statement saying, “Public Enemy and Public Enemy Radio will be moving forward without Flavor Flav,” the group said in a statement. “We thank him for his years of service and wish him well.”

Dude, seriously, Chuck D, you should have just given him a severance package and a gold watch, he’s probably already eligible for retirement. Hey come on, I kid. I’m not age shaming. But the disputes going between the two should probably stop. And Flavor Flav don’t do free benefits, that’s just the way he rolls. So who approved of what and where is this going? Well the answer is very polarizing.

On Wednesday, it was announced that Public Enemy would be performing at a Bernie Sanders rally this Sunday in Los Angeles ahead of Super Tuesday. However, not everyone in the legendary group is on board.

In a cease and desist letter obtained by SPIN, Flavor Flav, through his attorney Matthew H. Friedman of the Las Vegas law firm Ford & Friedman, accused the Sanders campaign of using the Public Enemy name and “likeness, image and trademarked clock in promotional materials” without his permission.

He went on to say that the Sanders campaign created “a false narrative” that the legendary rap group is supporting him. Flav said it is just Chuck D. performing at the Los Angeles Convention Center on Sunday.

“Sanders has promised to ‘Fight the Power’ with hip hop icons Public Enemy – but this Rap Icon will not be performing at the Sanders Rally,” the letter read. “To be clear Flav and, by extension, the Hall of Fame hip hop act Public Enemy with which his likeness and name have become synonymous has not endorsed any political candidate in this election cycle and any suggestion to the contrary is plainly untrue. The continued publicizing of this grossly misleading narrative is, at a minimum, careless and irresponsible if not intentionally misleading.”

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The philosophy of “garbage in, garbage out” is certainly one that is not sustainable, and it doesn’t matter if it’s plants, humans, animals or the environment. And it certainly doesn’t help that the man who leads the United States Of America engages in this philosophy. Since the President’s trip to India, there have been some alarming revelations about what he eats on a daily basis. And none of it is good in any way, shape or form. In fact, what Trump eats on a daily basis is what you should teach your children not to eat. And when he went to India, the meal that they attempted to make for him didn’t exactly go over well with him. Which, as you can imagine, we are not at all shocked by.

Trump spends most of his day not eating. He prefers to skip breakfast and lunch. In the book Let Trump Be Trump, the authors, former aides of the President, wrote, "the president would usually go 14 to 16 hours without eating”. When Trump does eat however, he makes up for lost calories, and is notorious for his love of fast food. Let Trump Be Trump relates, “On Trump Force One there were four major food groups: McDonald's, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza, and Diet Coke." Trump is also known for his love of deep fried macaroni and cheese, and fried taco bowls with extra sauce.
During The Day

When speaking to Fox News’ Jesse Walters in 2016, Trump stated, “If I can, I’ll avoid breakfast. In terms of that, I will have a lunch but my big thing is dinner. Breakfast, Jesse, if I can avoid it, I’m very happy to do that.” When he does eat breakfast however, his preference is either bacon and eggs or a McDonald’s McMuffin. “My favourite would be bacon and eggs…bacon medium and the eggs over-well.”

For lunch, the President enjoys a well-done steak, pizza, burgers or a meatloaf sandwich. He keeps the White House kitchen well-stocked with snacks including Dorritos and Lays chips.

Having mostly fasted throughout the day, Trump goes to town at dinnertime. According to his former aides, his preferred dinner is “a full McDonald’s dinner of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, and a small chocolate shake – a total of 2,430 calories.” The average person eats about 2,000 calories a day. Trump spoke to CNN host Anderson Cooper about his dinner order, explaining, “It’s great stuff.”

Trump’s love of McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC and other fast foods comes from an appreciation of reliability and safety as well as taste. CNN quotes Trump as saying: “One bad hamburger, you can destroy McDonald’s. One bad hamburger and you take Wendy’s and all these other places and they’re out of business.”

That sounds about right for the presidential diet. Now translate this to his trip to India last week, where things didn’t exactly go as planned when it came to meal time. As you can imagine Indian food is very vegetarian heavy, and Trump is mainly a meat eater. So when they attempted to serve Trump a vegetarian food, naturally it didn’t go over very well. In fact, it, like just about everything else from that trip to India, was the disaster everyone called it out to be.

United States President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump did not eat anything, including Gujarati delicacy Khaman which was part of the high tea menu, during their visit to the Sabarmati Ashram in Ahmedabad on Monday afternoon, its trustee said.

Trump and the First Lady visited the Ashram in afternoon for about 15 minutes in the midst of their roadshow from the Ahmedabad International airport to the cricket stadium in Motera. They were welcomed by Prime Minister Narednra Modi at the ashram.

"Some food items were arranged for the members of the visiting delegation, but neither the US President nor the First Lady had anything during their visit to the Ashram," said Sabarmati Ashram trustee Kartikeya Sarabhai.

Apart from ''Khaman'', a famous Gujarati delicacy, items like broccoli and corn samosa, apple pie, kaju katli and a variety of teas were part of the menu of the high tea for the Trumps.

"We saw the list of food items which might have been arranged for the officials who were part of the visiting delegation. But none of the dignitaries ate them," Sarabhai said.

So the President Of The United States essentially acted like a toddler when he was supposed to try new foods. Is anyone really surprised? Now here’s where it all comes into focus. Donald Trump of course acts like a 73 year old child in just about every aspect of his life. He is a fussy eater, he’s a bully, and he wants everything to be about him. So how do you treat a fussy eater? Well, you hide vegetables in his diet, and that did not go over very well.

President Trump’s former doctor reportedly hid cauliflower in his mashed potatoes in an attempt to improve the president’s diet.

Former White House physician Ronny Jackson told The New York Times that he regretted leaving his position before he could implement the diet and exercise regimen planned for Trump.

“The exercise stuff never took off as much as I wanted it to,” he said. “But we were working on his diet. We were making the ice cream less accessible, we were putting cauliflower into the mashed potatoes.”

Jackson announced in an early 2018 press conference that he intended to help the president lose 10 to 15 pounds and transport an exercise bike or elliptical machine into the White House, according to the Times.

The former physician left the White House after withdrawing his name for consideration as the nominee to become the Veterans Affairs secretary amid allegations of professional misconduct.

Unfortunately, Trump’s diet is not that simple. Just like a toddler, Trump has to be embarrassingly force fed vegetables. And he will most likely pick around them. But let’s ask someone who knows a thing or two about being force fed food, and that’s Ethan Suplee of the TV show “My Name Is Earl”. Since the show ended, he has been a champion on the diet and weight loss circuit after losing a shocking amount of weight and transforming his body. But then, he argues that some people can’t be changed, and it looks like Trump is one of those people.

Even though it's been reported that President Donald Trump's staff had been sneaking vegetables into his food, Ethan Suplee doesn't think it'll help. The My Name is Earl star has recently turned heads after shedding hundreds of pounds and replacing much of it with muscle. Though he was able to radically transform himself through diet and exercise, the actor told TMZ that it worked because he wanted to make the change.

"The biggest issue there, I think, is that if the person doesn't want to change, they're not gonna change," Suplee began. "So sneaking vegetables in food, I don't know if it's gonna be successful until that person wants to make a change for himself."

"As a little kid, my parents, my grandparents put me on all sorts of diets, they did nothing," Suplee continued. "They just made me, actually, sneak unhealthy food more. Sneaking vegetables to the dude, he's gonna be at Popeye's and Chik-Fil-A at night."

He also brought up chef Andre Rush, who's going to be on Suplee's new podcast, American Glutton. After describing him as a "bada— dude," he added his connection to the 45th president.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.


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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Wichita! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! There is mass hysteria right now and I think we all need to remain calm. But no, I don’t see that happening in the near future. Because there is a dreaded, deadly virus that is coming our way. No, I’m not talking about the disease known as SATANism. I’m talking about the disease known as the Coronavirus. Because the news of the virus has gone mainstream and there’s lots of disinformation out there. And we don’t need a product of the Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, making things worse. But Mr. Bakker, is a man who is no stranger to conning people. And cons are not good in the eyes of our good LAWRD JAYSUS! When you are seeking a cure for the Coronavirus, don’t fall for scams like this. Go see a real doctor, people!

A guest on televangelist Jim Bakker's show suggested on Wednesday that a product sold on Bakker's website might be effective at protecting against and killing the novel coronavirus.

The guest, naturopathic Dr. Sherrill Sellman, said that Silver Solution—a product that can be purchased on Bakker's web store—has been found to be effective on viruses related to the one from Wuhan. Further, she said Silver Solution could bolster a person's immune system and potentially make their bodies less susceptible to the virus.

"Well, let's say [Silver Solution] hasn't been tested on this strain of the coronavirus, but it's been tested on other strains of the coronavirus and has been able to eliminate it within 12 hours," she said. "Totally eliminate it. Kills it, deactivates it. And then it boosts your immune system so then you can support the recovery, because when you kill the virus, then the immune system comes into action to clear it out. So you want a vibrant immune system as well as an ability to deactivate these viruses."

Newsweek contacted Sellman via her website for further comment and clarification but did not receive a reply before publication.

The novel coronavirus emerged from the Chinese city in late 2019. The virus has since spread to 24 other countries, including the United States, though the majority of those infected remain in China. As of Wednesday, the virus has infected over 45,000 people and killed at least 1,100, according to the World Health Organization.

Hey wait a minute, why is my skin turning blue and my hair falling out? If only there were some kind of miracle cure. Damn you Brother Jim!!! What? Of course we’re allowed to swear in my church here. I believe in freedom of speech! But in case you’re wondering – no, there is no such thing as a silver cure for Coronavirus. If you’re going to ask then you are most likely in the wrong place, sir or madam!

There is no medical cure for coronavirus and all viral infections, which is why people are turning to nature for solutions. One of the known natural antivirus agents is colloidal silver, a traditional remedy whose antiseptic properties were used in ancient Egypt, the Middle East and India by royal households to keep water and other fluids fresh and to treat various infections. Until its ban in the 1930s, it was recognized and used as a broad-spectrum antimicrobial by clinicians to treat bacterial, parasitical, fungal and viral infections. But is Colloidal silver a cure for coronavirus as televangelists in the US and several news outlets claim? This article focuses on its antiviral properties in connection with coronavirus.

In the absence of medical solutions for coronavirus, people are turning to natural solutions such as colloidal silver. Because colloidal silver is a broad-spectrum antivirus, that also strengthens the immune system, it can potentially prevent or help to treat coronavirus infection. Many people are now taking it prevent infection. Websites that sell colloidal silver have seen an increase in article views and purchases of colloidal silver by people in Hong Kong and China.

On the Jim Bakker show, naturopathic doctor Sherrill Sellman said Silver Solution has been tested on some of the strains of coronavirus and found to effectively deactivate them and to boost the immune system. The product in the article sells for $125 (£95) but high quality colloidal silver can also be sourced from reputable sellers in the UK who ship globally – for as little as £9.99 for a 15ml bottle.

Well speaking of that, good Reverend, now, if modern medicine isn’t helping and turning to the good LAWRD JAYSUS isn’t helping, then what is? Well that’s where we come in! See here’s the thing – a deadly virus like the Coronavirus doesn’t take sides, it doesn’t care whether or not you got SAVED or not, it don’t matter. But can we pray away the Coronavirus or will it simply ignore us? Well, here’s one absolutely insane theory.

Right-wing pastor Jonathan Shuttlesworth predicted during a livestream last week that “America will be minimally affected” by the global coronavirus outbreak because of President Donald Trump’s support for Israel.

“If it’s a plan from the deep state to practice shutting America down [for] population control, it will fail,” Shuttlesworth said. “The Lord looks at the plans of the wicked and laughs, and men can’t override God’s blessing.”

“If God is for you, who can be against you?” he asked. “Read the Bible. A nation doesn’t have to be run by a perfect man for God to give goodness to a nation. ‘I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse those who curse you.’ Even Trump’s critics would have to say that he honors Israel. Now they can say, ‘He just does it to appeal to the Christian [base].'”

“They can say whatever they want, he honored Israel. Obama honored the enemies of Israel; Trump honors Israel, and it’s a massive difference. And because of that, I predict America will be minimally affected by coronavirus,” Shuttlesworth continued.

Shuttlesworth then added “a little caveat” to his prediction to claim that if America is affected by the virus, it will impact liberal states that “have chosen to give God the middle finger.”

Well that won’t work, especially when you consider that the man who the Dark One has put in charge of eradicating this deadly disease was responsible for brought about the worst HIV outbreak in the state’s history! And that is something that the GOOD LAWRD will not tolerate! Nor will the good LAWRD JAYSUS tolerate stupidity of this magnitude. I mean even the Center For Disease Control is saying that this is complete and utter madness!

Earlier this month, right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman proclaimed that God would protect the United States from the coronavirus outbreak because of the Trump administration’s support for Israel and opposition to abortion.

While the Centers for Disease Control warned today that the spread of the virus in the United States is now all but inevitable, last night Kunneman and his wife Brenda held a “Prophetic Pulse” conference call in which Brenda rebuked the virus and commanded a “supernatural inoculation of the spirit” to come on the Earth and “bring forth healing and a cure.”

“Right now, we speak over this situation with this coronavirus,” she proclaimed. “We say to that virus that the hands of the Lord have come to clap against you and destroy you, and we say that it shall be quarantined by the mercy of the living God.”

“It’s being contained in Europe and Heavenly Father, it’s being contained in various parts of the world,” Brenda Kunneman continued to prophesy. “While they say cases are popping up, we speak a holy containment and a quarantine by the Holy Spirit to go across the land. And we say, ‘Lord, Let the angels of the most high go forth to be commissioned, to walk, and to benefit those that are heirs of salvation.’ But even those that are not part of the covenant, Lord, we ask for your mercy to be upon them and to drive this virus out into the dark places.”

“Let it be cast out from the nations and be contained, and to dissolve, and to be broken and neutralized by the power of the living God,” Kunneman declared. “We say, ‘Coronavirus, be neutralized in the name of Jesus and lose your power.’ We command that demon that is going forth, we say in Jesus’ name that it loses its strength and this thing dissipates, and even a supernatural inoculation of the spirit comes now and brings forth healing and a cure.”

Could this be the beginning of the rapture? Well I always thought it was going to be a horrible, fiery apocalypse. Instead it’s a trip to the fish market! I have figured it out everybody!! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Google Vs Prager University
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Ever since the demise of Trump University in 2010 when it went belly up for bankruptcy issues (shocker), there’s been a number of fake universities peddling tons of misinformation vying to take it’s place. Well, we’ve found the one university that might be able to take its’ place and put Trump University to shame. And neither of these two things are easy to do! That “university” is called Prager U, founded by ultra conservative right wing talk show host Dennis Prager. Just like Trump University, Prager U has no central campus. Also, just like Trump University, Prager U is not an accredited college in any way, shape or form. Both universities exist entirely online. But there’s a huge difference between the two conservative “universities”. Trump University was out to scam regular students into what they thought was getting a degree in the real estate business. Prager U, on the other hand, is out to scam our social media outlets.

Dennis Prager, founder of the right-wing propaganda outlet Prager University, has a First Amendment right to lie about climate change, deny that straight people get HIV, viciously vilify Muslims, and declare that “men get turned on by any sight of female flesh.” He does not, however, have a right to upload these claims to YouTube and make money off them, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled on Wednesday.

PragerU may not be a household name, but it has a surprisingly broad reach: Its five-minute videos have racked up well over 2 billion views across platforms. Although these videos are presented as unbiased educational lessons, they promote exclusively conservative, often fringe views. Prager and his friends regularly condemn Muslims, LGBTQ equality, abortion, feminism, gun control, and campaign finance reform, and deny climate change. (The company is partly funded by fracking billionaires.) The outlet has mastered the art of grabbing viewers’ attention with a provocative video, presented as fact, then pulling them deeper down the rabbit hole into Prager’s bizarre world of toxic propaganda.

It is strange, and more than a little pathetic, that the 9th Circuit had to remind PragerU that YouTube is incapable of unconstitutionally censoring its videos. The Constitution prohibits Congress or the states from abridging the freedom of speech; as the Supreme Court reiterated last year, the First Amendment simply does not apply to private entities, even if they create an open forum for varying viewpoints. Yet PragerU has spent more than two years hounding YouTube in court. Its lawyers insist that PragerU has a constitutional right to host its videos on the platform and profit from them.

You know there’s been no mistake that since Trump got elected to office, conservatives have been on a warpath against social media companies. We’ve pointed this out in Top 10 #5-2, when conservatives had Mark Zuckerberg testify on Capitol Hill about a bizarre conspiracy known as “shadow banning”. That’s not a thing. What is a thing is conservatives trolling social media sites to get their messages of hate and racism out in the open. Sorry to break it to you guys, but that’s private industry and they have the right to police the content they want. And in case you’re wondering what kind of person Dennis Prager is, well, this is not at all shocking.

Conservative radio host and founder of PragerU, Dennis Prager said that the left had made it "impossible" to say the n-word, even to decry its usage, on his radio show Thursday.

In response to a phone call to The Dennis Prager Show about racial hate and anti-Semitism in America, Prager addressed a question about why he chose to say "the n-word" before using a slur for Jewish people in a previous segment about the private racism and anti-Semitism of former presidents Harry Truman and Richard Nixon.

"But you mentioned that President Truman used to use the n-word all the time, and then, two seconds later, you followed it up with the word [a slur for Jewish people]," the caller asked.

"So, why didn't I say 'k-word'? Because the left has made it impossible to say the n-word any longer. That's disgusting, it's a farce. It's the only word that you can't say in the English language," Prager said.

"But why is it OK to say the k-word?" the caller asked.

"Because the left doesn't give a damn about that word. That's why. The left runs the country in the culture. The Republicans have the Senate and the presidency and that's very important. But the culture? And the more the left controls the more totalitarian it is. That is not an attack, it's a statement of fact, like two plus two equals four. It is idiotic that you cannot say the n-word. Idiotic," Prager replied.


Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Fucking A we don’t give a damn about that word! See, unlike you guys, we actually embrace diversity. We care about having a variety of opinions from all different walks of life. Just look at the range of opinions on Fox News. White man, white man, white man, old white man, bald white man, fat white man. And maybe an attractive blonde woman or two wearing short skirts thrown in for good measure. And don’t forget Jeannie Pirro, who probably thinks that animals getting tortured is funny, we don’t know. We’re just guessing. But there is one thing conservatives waging war on social media websites just can’t wrap their head around – they can police their own content!

A federal appeals court on Wednesday ruled that internet giants like Google and Facebook can censor content on their platforms, rebuking arguments from conservatives who claim the tech companies violate users' First Amendment rights by removing certain messages or videos.

With its unanimous opinion, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals became the latest court to dismiss arguments that platforms like YouTube can be sued under the First Amendment for decisions on content moderation.

"Despite YouTube's ubiquity and its role as a public-facing platform, it remains a private forum, not a public forum subject to judicial scrutiny under the First Amendment," Circuit Judge M. Margaret McKeown, a Clinton appointee, wrote in the opinion.

The three-judge panel upheld a lower court's decision to dismiss the case.

Dennis Prager, founder of the conservative advocacy organization Prager University, first sued Google in 2017 over claims that its subsidiary YouTube was prioritizing left-leaning content over Prager U's popular conservative videos.

No, diversity is not an old wooden ship from the Civil War era. But in case you’re wondering where the content for the conservative-based “university” comes from, if you say that it’s from shady sources, well, you are absolutely correct! Here’s the thing Prager U, you can talk all the shit you want about social media websites censoring conservatives. But as many a girlfriend would say “It’s not me, it’s you!”, and it is so much you! If you want to be taken seriously, altering your data to present a conservative viewpoint while trying to amp up the hysteria surrounding something that is really nothing is not exactly how one should go about doing things. I mean come on, how can you take something seriously when they got Yakov Smirnov as a guest lecturer?

PragerU cloaks its extremism in a veneer of respectability, and that’s crucial to its success.

The site, founded in 2011, is known for its polished and persuasive five-minute videos. Some videos focus on history, like the legacy of Christopher Columbus (apparently he’s gotten a bad rap) or the legacy of Franklin Roosevelt (the “New Deal” actually made things worse). Others tackle ongoing issues dividing the world such as religion (the West can thank “Judeo-Christian values” for its success) or the push for a $15 minimum wage (a bad idea!).

If you didn’t know much about the specific presenters, their bios give the impression that many of them are relatively mainstream right-leaning media figures. For instance, PragerU has videos hosted by multiple Pulitzer Prize winners, popular TV hosts, sports journalists, current and former Washington Post columnists, a Canadian former prime minister, a five-time Emmy Award winner, a nominee to head the Labor Department, a two-time presidential candidate, a former White House press secretary, as well as current and former faculty at respected institutions such as West Point, Stanford, UCLA, Harvard, and Princeton, among others.

Some of the site’s videos are … well, they’re fine. Comedian Yakov Smirnoff hosts a clip about the importance of laughter in healthy relationships. Col. Ty Seidule delivers a straightforward answer to the question of whether or not the Civil War was really about slavery (he says it was). Other clips, such as Adam Carolla’s ode to personal change, Jordan Peterson’s call to “fix yourself,” or Michele Tafoya’s “secret to success,” are just boilerplate self-help speeches we’ve all probably heard dozens of variations on in our lives. It’s the combination of respectable-sounding presenters with a handful of harmless clips that cover for the site’s hard-right ideology.

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[font size="8"]NO!: Corona Virus Stupidity
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The Corona Virus is dominating the news right now. It’s like the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich, or the Korean boy band BTS – no matter where you turn, you can’t look away from these things. And like both of these things, there will be some weird guy in the comments section who is posting and spamming a video of scantily clad Korean dancers trying to get the views up... HEY! STOP IT! GO AWAY!!! SHOO!! Let me just block and report that guy. And when that happens, well, people get stupid. And when people get stupid, you can bet that things will get weird in a hurry. And you want to know how a story involving a deadly disease spreads? About as fast as the disease itself. Well let’s examine all the stupidity surrounding the Coronavirus, because it’s quite the stuff of insanity. It’s not just that the Coronavirus is a thing, but nobody wants anything having to do with the name “Corona” itself, like Corona Beer for instance. Just because it has the Corona name in it does not mean that it’s automatically associated with the Coronavirus, OK? I live right next to Corona, California and I still sit in traffic on the 91 freeway everyday for 3 hours in that city, and I still have to go there!

Chances are, you've heard sometime in the past week that "38 percent of beer-drinking Americans would not buy Corona under any circumstances now." The statement came from a survey conducted by 5W Public Relations, which argued the threat that coronavirus (Covid-19) would become a global pandemic is a PR disaster for the famous beer brand. The statistic proceeded to spread rapidly across news outlets, aided by a CNN tweet that went viral.

But is it true?

Constellation Brands, which owns Corona, just released a statement fighting the notion that recent events have negatively affected the brand. In fact, the company claims sales are actually up 5 percent in the U.S. over the latest four-week period, nearly doubling the 52-week trend for the brand.

But rather than jump into a defense against rapidly spreading misinformation, Constellation Brands CEO Bill Newlands did something very important, first.

He recognized the gravity of the situation, and shared a little empathy.

Yes, people, stop acting so stupid. And the reason why we act stupid in a time like this is because we have no emotional intelligence. Yes, that is a thing. When our emotions run high, we go crazy. it’s human nature. There’s plenty of reasons not to drink Corona beer. For one thing, it’s shitty beer. I mean really shitty beer. The only reason you should have Corona in your refrigerator is to use it to cook with when the recipe calls for a Mexican beer, or to pour one out for your homies. But here’s how insane this has become. Let’s look at Japan, where the TV manufacturer Sharp stopped producing TVs and stopped producing masks.

A television factory owned by Japanese electronics giant Sharp is to produce up to 150,000 masks per day, local media has reported.

Hi-tech “clean rooms” with low levels of dust and airborne organisms will be used to manufacture the masks.

The coronavirus crisis has seen many stores in Japan run out of masks, and the government establish a strategic mask reserve, the BBC reported.

The production line in Mie near Osaka normally makes LCD panels, but will switch over part of its production to making masks.

While medical opinion is divided over the effectiveness of masks, Japanese people often wear them during the cold and allergy season.

Oh come on, we can’t buy flat screens in the month of March 2020? Now how am I going to find out how the Los Angeles Wildcats lost to the New York Defenders by 3 lousy points? You should have gone for that weird 4 point conversion rule, LA! But at least the Surgeon General is proving to be one of the few sane voices in this otherwise insane administration. Because he is saying that masks might actually make the situation worse!

Community transmission of COVID-19, the disease caused by the new coronavirus, has officially begun in the U.S., with two cases in California and one in Oregon of unknown origin. The first COVID death was reported Saturday, Feb. 29, in Seattle. The natural human response to a strange, new disease making its way to a neighborhood near you is to feel anxiety and want to DO SOMETHING. That’s why many people have been buying up and stockpiling masks. But even if you could buy any in the midst of global shortages, should you?


And if you already have masks, should you wear them when you’re out?


Even if there are COVID cases in your community?

Even if there are cases next door, the answer is no, you do NOT need to get or wear any face masks—surgical masks, “N95 masks,” respirator masks, or anything else—to protect yourself against the coronavirus. Not only do you not need them, you shouldn’t wear them, according to infection prevention specialist Eli Perencevich, MD, a professor of medicine and epidemiology at the University of Iowa’s College of Medicine.

Thank you miss! It’s not enough that the surgeon general is telling people that the masks are completely fucking useless, it’s that the worst thing to come out of this whole thing is sheer, utter , total incompetence! And things aren’t getting better, they’re getting worse. But let’s make one thing clear – there are 3,000 cases right now. In a world where there is 6 BILLION people. Keep calm, everyone, and pull your heads out of each other’s asses. Ooh, I like that graphic. But self isolation definitely isn’t the way to go.

When LeighAnn Rorex woke up in her house near Los Angeles over the past two weeks, the only thing she looked forward to was one fewer day of coronavirus quarantine.

From Feb. 14, when she arrived from China and her aunt and uncle met her at Los Angeles International Airport, until Friday, Rorex was confined alone to her four-bedroom Hacienda Heights house, which does have a backyard. Her neighbor put up her roommate down the street, or else Rorex would have been trapped in her bedroom for two weeks.

“I would probably go crazy,” Rorex said on the phone during her last full day of quarantine.

The 36-year-old warehouse worker was one of some 8,700 people who have been under home quarantine in California to watch for coronavirus symptoms, as recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for people who recently visited China. There are hundreds in the Bay Area.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink: RIP Mad Mike
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Folks here in Kansas, it’s my first time here, and I could really use a drink!

When the news gets too dark, the only solution is to kick back with a glass of your favorite beverage of choice and talk about literally anything else. Well, sadly I wish I had better news, but this week, we are saluting the accomplishments of Mike Hughes. Now you might be thinking, “where do I know that name from”? And I answer you – he’s the member of the Flat Earth Society known as “Mad Mike”. We were first introduced to Mad Mike in Idiots #3-24 when he first attempted to shoot to the moon in a homemade rocket. Well, tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about the Flat Earth Society? A flat martini? I think I’ll have an actual martini thanks, and plenty of them! So how did our friend Mad Mike meet his fate? Well the phrase “homemade rocket” immediately is suspect. Also the phrase “self-taught rocket science”. Where did he get that knowledge from? Watching Wile E Coyote cartoons?

A US daredevil pilot has been killed during an attempted launch of a homemade rocket in the Californian desert.

"Mad" Mike Hughes, 64, crash-landed his steam-powered rocket shortly after take-off near Barstow on Saturday.

A video on social media shows a rocket being fired into the sky before plummeting to the ground nearby.

Hughes was well-known for his belief that the Earth was flat. He hoped to prove his theory by going to space.

Saturday's launch was reportedly filmed as part of Homemade Astronauts, a new TV series about amateur rocket makers to be aired on the US Science Channel. The project had to be carried out on a tight budget.

Dude, you don’t have to go into space to prove that the earth is flat. There’s this thing we have called “the sun” and “the moon” that are in the sky that are round. And if I recall my physics classes, that’s exactly what the first astronomers used to disprove this theory over a thousand years ago! Now, we give groups like the Flat Earth Society a whole bunch of shit and they deserve it. But Mad Mike and his sad tragic demise aside, the Flat Society has grown in leaps and bounds in the last 3 years!

It is said that humans are not rational animals but rather rationalizing ones. We often find what is comfortable for us to believe and then look for the information that will justify these beliefs. How else could we explain the recent worldwide growth in the Flat Earth Society? You would think that with so much irrefutable evidence readily available on the web such crazy ideas would be in decline. The opposite is happening.

“Researchers believe they have identified the prime driver for a startling rise in the number of people who think the Earth is flat: Google’s video-sharing site, YouTube,” The Guardian reported in 2020. On the web, it seems that misinformation is battling with information and that misinformation is often winning.

Misinformation is certainly helped by those with a bottomless greed and lust for power and dominance. Mark Zuckerberg has decided that Facebook’s continued growth strategy is to profit from misinformation and fake news. ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ is how Mark thinks. ‘We’ve made so much money already from fake news, why would a growth-at-any-cost company like Facebook change when it’s winning?’

Misinformation feeds off human emotion. Those in power can’t resist pushing the emotional buttons. It is so easy to manipulate people by calling to their most basic instincts. Fear, hate, violence and ‘common sense’ are powerful drivers. Why, it’s common sense that the earth is flat. Just look out your window. It’s flat, isn’t it?

That is a good point. Mad Mike is a reminder that misinformation can not only hurt people emotionally, it can also literally kill you, as we have seen here in this story. But in trying to find stories on Mad Mike for this piece, I also had an interesting thought. And that is why do people who believe the earth is flat also support Trump’s proposed Space Force? Yeah that’s weird ven diagram of people isn’t it? That would be like if you asked Weight Watchers members what their favorite brand of quadruple cheeseburger is. I have my own opinion. It’s Wendys. Just because they’re square.

Not all conspiracy theories are necessarily destructive. Compared to the Birthers, the anti-Vaxers, the deniers of the Sandy Hook Shooting, the Holocaust and Climate Change, the resurgence of the Flat Earth Society of the 1800s seems relatively harmless.

Disagreement over the shape of our planet isn’t being led by the under-educated or the overly impressionable. Thousands of people admit they don’t believe that the Earth is round, and many attend the annual Flat Earth International Conventions for the past several years, posting an active presence on social media. As Tom Nichols, a Ph.D professor at the US Naval War College and author of “The Death of Expertise” says, “it takes a reasonably smart person to construct a really interesting conspiracy theory, because conspiracy theories are actually highly complex explanations. They are also challenging intellectual exercises both for those who hold them and those who would disprove them.”

After all, to suspect we’re being fooled about the curvature of the earth — what damage could that cause? It’s not the first time NASA has been accused of photo-shopping rocket launches, and little wonder; so many of its staff are rocket scientists and would know how to pull it off. It’s impossible for us land-based laypeople to verify such high-tech feats as a rendezvous with Russian Cosmonauts on the International Space Station; to believe that we live on a sphere suspended in an infinite cosmos requires faith in science, rather than faith in a god.

Whoa whoa whoa… they had to get actual Ph.D level physicists involved in this? I mean just… wow, that is completely insane. But just like all insane conspiracy theories, it is definitely dark in nature. And I could really go on all day about how insane the Flat Earth Society it. They’re just like any other group of crazy people out there. But when we think of Mad Mike and the Flat Earth society, we’ve got a long way to go to dispel all the media disinformation out there. But that said, Mad Mike, we salute you!

Michael “Mad Mike” Hughes was an enigma on a mission — to inspire and to upend.

The 64-year-old daredevil limo driver taught himself rocket science, crowdfunded the money to build his own steam-powered rocket out of spare parts and launched himself into the sky three times. He was also a flat-earther who didn’t believe in science. Or gravity, for that matter.

Those may sound contradictory, but maybe they’re not.

He also ran for governor of California in 2018, held a Guinness World Record for longest limo ramp jump in 2002, hosted a flat earth conference in Las Vegas in May 2019, had a documentary made about him called “Rocketman,” had an upcoming Science Channel TV show called “Homemade Astronauts” and harbored fringe beliefs about the government.

On Feb. 22, Hughes launched himself for the third and final time in his homemade rocket, just off Highway 247 in Barstow, California.

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Selection Sunday
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16 states will enter and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to commence the 4th annual Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State contest! The National For Fuck’s Sake Association is back for another go-round with all four corners of conservative idiocy being represented: god, guns, greed, and pure batshit insanity! Last year we had quite the upset when Alabama stunned Florida and went on to win the tournament! What will happen this year? Just about anything goes! There will be 16 teams throughout this great United States of ours all vying for control of that most coveted of prizes: The Delay Trophy, named after NFFSA Hall Of Famer Tom Delay, who took his state of Texas to an unprecedented 8 consecutive titles during the George Bush administration. Now we go to the beautiful Ace Hotel in Los Angeles, California for the kick off ceremony and Selection Sunday!

[font size="6"]Statement From The Commissioner [/font]

Welcome welcome welcome!!! It is my honor and privilege to be doing this for the fourth year in a row representing this fine organization and these fine teams. Of course before we kick this thing off, I want to congratulate last year’s winner, Alabama, again for a job well done! You represent the kind of conservative idiocy needed to win the tournament. Of course previous winners including Texas and Florida are no slouches either, they are also shining examples. Now as always, allow me to go over the rules of the contest. For the first round, it will be consisting of 2 rounds each week with 4 teams duking it out. Then in round 2, it will expand to two teams each week for the Elite 8 as it gets paired down to the Final Four. Round 3 will have 4 teams in two matches and the championship will have the last two teams standing get down to it. Of course, since we do encourage gambling, we will provide you with your own bracket and all the states, states, odds and info that you need to fill it out. Now let’s do this thing!!!

[font size="6"]The Batshit Conference[/font]

Since 1952, the Batshit Conference has the distinction of being the oldest and largest conference in the NFFSA. Consisting of a whopping 18 states, all flinging the finest guano at each other, and you never know what is going to happen! These states elect the craziest politicians to the game and they have an electorate to match their insanity. When you’re in the batshit conference, you don’t know whether or not your vote was cast or if your local police officers murdered an innocent man in his car during a routine traffic stop. It’s also the conference where armored tanks roam through the streets shouting social media propaganda and gun nuts roam the state capitol buildings armed with AR-15s and AK-47s. The Batshit Conference: Proudly bringing the insanity since 1952!

1. Virginia: Virginia may be for lovers, but it is also for some of the most insane things to happen in the country. Whether it’s angry teenage white boys rioting in Charlottesville carrying tiki torches and wearing uniforms that wouldn’t look out of place in a used car showroom, or gun nuts protesting liberal policies at the capital, you can bet that Virginia is always there to provide some entertainment and comic relief!
Smoking Gun: Jerry Falwell Jr has a completely insane plan to annex counties from Virginia and give them to West Virginia in a poorly named and poorly thought out plan called “Vexit”.
Odds: 2:1 – Virginia was one of the strongest teams in the regular season and they have the strength and drive to go far, earning them the top spot!

2. Kentucky: The home of everyone’s favorite senator that they love to hate, Mitch McConnell, is showing no signs of slowing down. In fact they may have fired their coach Matt Bevin, but Kentucky still has a long way to go before it can be flipped. But the Bluegrass State never fails to bring the crazy, and expect them to bring the crazy extra hard in the tournament!
Smoking Gun: Matt Bevin used his powers of pardoning to pardon a child rapist because – quote – her hyman was intact! Creeeeeeeeeeeepy.
Odds: 7:1 – While they are going up against one of the best teams in the tournament, Kentucky is always full of surprises and could advance in an upset!

3. Idaho: After a relatively quiet showing in the Gun Nut Conference last year, Idaho reexamined its' place in the tournament, changed conferences, and recruited a whole bunch of fresh new talent. The Gem State is also a very heavily rural state. And with rural living comes a lot of hardcore drugs and crystal meth laced insanity. But if a controversial plan to annex half of Oregon goes through, Idaho could become an even larger state!
Smoking Gun: Oregon’s gun nuts are so fed up that they’re considering leaving and joining Idaho.
Odds: 10-1. Idaho had a strong regular season and they could pull off an unexpected surprise but don’t count on it.

4. South Carolina: Another newcomer to the tournament. The home of Lindsay Graham has had no shortage of good old fashioned fire and brimstone conservative insanity. It’s a melting pot of hardcore evangelism, hardcore racism, gun nut insanity, and extreme fiscal irresponsibility. Not to mention they still love the Confederacy even in 2020!
Smoking Gun: Mike Pitts, a South Carolinian state representative with a history of being a staunch defender o f the Confederacy, was a Trump appointee for a judicial position.
Odds: 5:1 – South Carolina pulled out a last second win to secure a high seed in the tournament, expect them to go far!

[font size="6"]The Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference[/font]

Welcome to the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, where going for broke isn’t just a way of life, some consider it to be a contact sport. Since 1952, all of these teams are sponsored by Koch Industries. Along with other billionaire families like the Waltons and the DeVos family. You’re drowning in student debt while your boss is buying his sixth Maserati and enjoying a day of golf out at the country club. You’re in the negatives, your boss is out there burning money like the Joker in the Dark Knight. The Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference: Proudly going for broke since 1952!

1. Michigan: The Wolverine State is always a show boater and a conference favorite in this race. They were once the backbone of the US economy, but since the US auto industry went bye bye, so did the city of Detroit. And their neighbors in Flint aren’t exactly doing what one would call prosperous business either. Will they go far in the tournament? Only one way to find out!
Smoking Gun: The manufacturing city of Battle Creek spent a whopping $93,000 for a Trump rally back in December and has yet to pay it back.
Odds: 2-1. They have upgraded their team in the offseason and got some very strong defenders, expect them to go far!

2. Pennsylvania: The Keystone State is home to two of America’s largest cities – Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. It’s also home to some crippling, Koch induced debt. While the major cities are home to some of the biggest businesses in America, rural Pennsylvania is home to the coal mines. Which with extreme climate change affecting the entire world, people aren’t exactly buying the “Clean Coal” argument these days.
Smoking Gun: Pennsylvania’s economy is hurting so badly that the Roman Catholic dioceses filed for bankruptcy!
Odds: 5-1: They are another team that got hot at the right time. They have a strongly upgraded defense, and they could be a major upset if healthy!

3. Tennessee: The Volunteer State missed out on last year’s tournament but they are back and ready to tangle! The home to the Smoky Mountains is also the home of some serious coal mining towns run by some seriously shady crooks. But that’s not all, some extreme fiscal irresponsibility is making Tennessee a surefire contender to win the conference.
Smoking Gun: An organization that tracks state spending has figured out that Tennessee has over $1 billion that it could spend on needy families but hasn’t!
Odds: 10:1 – They had a few injuries and stumbled a bit in the regular season. But if key players get healthy before the tournament starts, they could go all the way!

4. Nebraska:: A newcomer to the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference, Nebraksa is home to farmland as far as the eye can see. It’s also the home to some extreme industrialization that’s polluting the atmosphere. Nebraska’s chief export may be corn, but there’s nothing corny about the financial situation that their mostly hard right governors and representatives have got them into. See what I did there?
Smoking Gun: The University Of Nebraska outpatient center is so hurting that Madonna (yes, that Madonna) sponsored a wing to the total of $4 million.
Odds: 15-1: They are an underdog in the tournament as the experts expected them not to be here, but they did it and could be an upset happening!

[font size="6"]The Gun Nut Conference[/font]

Armageddon days are here again! Well, they most certainly are if you live in the Gun Nut Conference! In these states, while you are busy figuring out which bucket of heavily preserved slop to add to your doomsday shelter, others are stockpiling weapons and ammo and driving through the streets in custom built armored cars! You have 50 rounds of ammo ready to shoot? Well the other guy has 500! And yes it’s the states where “pistol whip” is a dessert topping. It’s the conference where the ongoing debate between concealed carry and open carry could be considered a contact sport! It’s the conference where Dirty Harry is considered a documentary and then everyone and everyone is packing heat including your mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers… oh you don’t think Great Gam Gam is packing some heat? If only I had some kind of device I could use. The Gun Nut Conference: Proudly shooting first and asking questions later since 1952!

1. Oregon: Oregon got an upgraded team this year mainly because of how vigilant the Proud Boys were against those dreaded Antifa protestors in downtown Portland. But outside of Portland? Why you can guarantee that America’s farmers are packing some serious heat and prepping some hotel quality doomsday shelters in preps for the coming end times!
Smoking Gun: Oregon’s gun nuts are so fed up with Oregon’s leadership that there’s actually a plan similar to Virginia to annex Oregon counties and give them to… Idaho!
Odds: 5:1 – They have had some injuries during the regular season but they are always full of surprises. Could they go far? Only time will tell!

2. Florida: Florida *ALWAYS* has a strong showing in this conference because they are home to some extremely crazy felons, cons, ex-cons, and meth addicts, all of whom are packing some serious heat. Yes, they are known to have a mass shooting or two. But the addition of the always entertaining Florida Man prove that the Sunshine State is always fun to watch!
Smoking Gun: On the two year anniversary of the Parkland shooting, Florida is quietly advancing a bill that could allow guns in church!
Odds: 7:1 – Last year’s stunning loss to Alabama proved just how volatile having Florida Man on your team is. But you never know what could happen!

3. New Mexico: The state that gave us both Walter White and Nick Fury is no stranger to guns and heat. Especially heat considering that they live in a freaking desert! So of course 110 degree temperatures and very little to no moisture is going to screw with your head. In fact New Mexico’s gun nuts are so out of control that the government is taking measures to prevent things from escalating!
Smoking Gun: You know the first state that actually could take your guns away? New Mexico if their firearm seizure bill gets passed!
Odds: 3:1 – The desert warriors are new to this division, but they are no slouches when it comes to shooting both their mouths and their guns off ! Expect them to go far!

4. Missouri: The Show Me State is back for another go round! The state that is the home of Ferguson that gave birth to the Black Lives Matter movement, is no stranger to being surrounded by the almighty firearm. Sure, Missouri has Kansas City (which may or may not be in Kansas according to a certain president) and St. Louis and the inner cities and rural farmers are packing some serious heat! A second amendment heaven for absolutionists!
Smoking Gun: Missouri is debating a bill in the House that would allow concealed carry operators to carry guns on college campuses. What could go wrong?
Odds: 5:1 – Missouri has an upgraded defense from last year, but injuries plagued them during the regular season. A win over New Mexico would be a major upset!

[font size="6"]The Family Values Conference[/font]

When you’re coveting your neighbor’s goods and bearing false witness, the only place to go is to head to your local house of worship and repent those sins, you godless heathens! It’s the conference where you can go pray to god one minute and then feed your vice the next. And the people in these states care more about a person when they are in the womb than when they are out of it. That’s right, while you are incubating in your mother’s uterus, the Christian right will do everything to protect you. And debating between the first and third trimester abortions and consulting the opinion of an actual doctor is considered sacrilege. But when you are out, you are on your own! It’s the states where Jon Bon Jovi is replaced with Toby Mac on the radio and your TV can’t say any icky words. The Family Values Conference: Proudly praying to god and preying on those who can’t help themselves since 1952!

1. Alabama: Last year’s NFFSA champions are back and they are better than ever. After pulling off a stunning upset against Flyover League champions Florida, they got a massive upgrade thanks to some trades at the trade deadline. Alabama’s worshippers are praying to their god daily and getting it done.
Smoking Gun: The 85 year old Senate candidate you love to be creeped out by, Roy Moore, is back to take on Doug Jones, and he is naturally tanking in the polls. If only there were some way to save him!
Odds: 2:1 – The odds on favorite to win the Family Values Conference is ready to take on the league’s best, and they can do some serious damage in this tournament!

2. Oklahoma: The Sooner State has been through some real Family Values shit in the last 100 years including race riots, and of course Trump. But now they’re back and ready to tangle with the best of the best in the league. And now they have a Trump-loving family values advocate for governor with the addition of Kevin Stitt, they have a governor who is ready to tangle!
Smoking Gun: A little known loophole in Oklahoma’s abortion laws says that it forces doctors to lie, which one clinic caught them red handed!
Odds: 10:1 – They’re going up against Alabama. They could win, but it would be a long shot and a huge upset if they did.

3. Ohio: The Buckeye State is no stranger to Family Values scrutiny and has been the home of some of the country’s worst sex crimes, made of course even worse by the fact that have elected and re-elected Jim Jordan, a Congressional representative who has actively tried to hide some absolutely horrifying sex crimes at one of this country’s most prestigious universities, Ohio State.
Smoking Gun: There’s allegations that Jim Jordan may have told multiple wrestlers at Ohio State to lie repeatedly about the abuse they were going through!
Odds: 5:1 – They can go far in this tournament due to the Ohio State scandal, but there’s plenty of other family values atrocities that take place in the Buckeye State all the way!

4. Indiana: The Hoosier State is always a Family Values champion. Of course you know them as the home of our current vice president Mike Pence. They are the home of Notre Dame University and one of the highest concentrations of Catholic churches in the country. Which means lots of potential for some crazy abuse scandals. Indiana is also a hotbed of anti-abortion idiocy where you can be arrested for just thinking about it! Well, not really. But we’re getting there!
Smoking Gun: There’s a plan pushed by Indiana pro-life conservatives to push through anti-abortion bills that have already failed in the state senate. Fool me once, shame on you! fool me twice, you know.
Odds: 10:1 – A true underdog in the tournament for sure, but with the right strength, Indiana could pull off a major upset in the tournament!

[font size="6"]The Schedule:[/font]

[font size="6"]The Bracket:[/font]

[font size="6"]Next Week:[/font]

There is no next week. But when we come back on March 18th, it’s show time! Round 1 Week 1 will be live in Denver, Colorado at the home of the Denver Nuggets, Pepsi Center, for all the first round action action action! Featuring the number one team in the nation Virginia, battling neighbors Kentucky in a Battle For The Batshit! Meanwhile, over in Family Values country, the reigning champion Alabama takes on hot division winner Oklahoma! Stay tuned for all the excitement!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]311[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is one of our favorites here at the Top 10. And they are here promoting their epic 311 Day concert at the Park Theater in Las Vegas March 11 – 13. Playing their song “Good Feeling” from their album Voyager, give it up for 311!

Thank you Wichita! We are off next week, I am taking a much needed break. We will be back on 3/18 in Norman, Oklahoma at the University Of Oklahoma, for the kickoff of Stupidest State 2020! See you in two weeks!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Wichita State, Wichita, KS
Special Thanks To: Wichita State University
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: The Rock Church Band, Wichita, KS
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Mar 4, 2020, 06:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-8: 4 Pardons & A Penance Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-8: 4 Pardons & A Penance Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up University Of Wisconsin? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Next week you guys, Stupidest State 2020! Are you ready? I know I am! I cannot wait for the return of the NFFSA this year and I promise it's going to be a good one! And I can also guarantee that it will be more entertaining to watch than your local XFL team is this season! Too soon? Ah who am I kidding? It's so easy to make fun of the XFL isn't it? Do we have time for the thing? So Leap Day is this Saturday everybody! Yes, it’s that magical day that happens only once every 4 years when we gather to worship Leap Day William. Oh wait, that was on 30 Rock. No, it’s that extra day of the year that happens once every 4 years. And if you’re looking for something to do, why not get married… IN HELL!!! Yes, the town of Hell, Michigan, which only has a population of 72, has a deal for you. You can get married – for FREE – at the tiny chapel in Hell, Michigan. Because I mean come on, what happy couple out there wouldn’t want to say that they got married in hell? Although let’s face it – you’re in Michigan in February. Under about 6 feet of snow. That pretty much is the definition of hell in my book! Hey o!!! But there of course is a catch – it’s a mass wedding. And come on, what good can come from a mass wedding, am I right? But the real hell is for your outside guests – because like I said they’re in the middle of Michigan – in February. Want a white wedding? Well this will be a really white wedding! OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to get to but first John Oliver is back and he catches up with the high crimes and misdemeanors from India’s Najendra Modi and the rise in Hindu nationalism is particularly scary:

Another week, another round of conservative insanity and lunacy. In the first slot this week, is of course the guy who we currently call “president”, Donald J. Trump (1), and now that he’s been vindicated, he thinks he can let a whole bunch of his criminal buddies off the hook, most troubling is former Illinois governor and con man Rod Blagojevich (BLAGO!!!). Where is Jon Stewart when you need him? In the second slot this week is Julian Assange (2). And some extremely troubling new revelations from ex-communicated former California representative, Dana Rohrabacher point to a Trump pardon if Assange engaged in some election tampering at Russia’s expense. Shit just got real! In the third slot this week, is Bill Barr (3). He’s been dropping hints that he might resign due to Trump’s incessant tweeting and interfering with DOJ investigations, but will he really? Only one way to find out! Taking the fourth slot this week is the Alt Right (4). Alt Right snowflakes are melting down after “Gun Girl” Kaitlin Bennett, who became famous for taking her AR-15 to her Kent State graduation ceremony, went to Ohio University and was met with a mob. Or was it a mob? The level of intensity varies depending on who you talk to about the incident. In slot #5 this week is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), and why were Delta Airlines passengers allowed to board a flight to Kona, Hawaii when they were possibly infected with the Corona Virus? And why weren’t they stopped? Our crack investigative team will get to the bottom of this subject! At slot #6 this week of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6), and this week’s sermon – is faith based tourism coming to an end? Our resident pastor discusses what’s going on at Orlando’s “Holy Land Experience” theme park and other religious tourist destinations! In slot #7 this week is the return of one of our favorite segments – “Explaining Jokes To Idiots” (7) and this week, over the top daytime talk show host Wendy Williams is under fire for a disgusting joke about the murder of Drew Carey’s ex fiancé, and we’re reminded of another incident that happened last year involving the band NOFX! At slot #8, we have a new edition of “This Fucking Guy” and we’re going to profile Frank Amedia (8), the creator of a super far right pro-Trump prayer group called “POTUS Shield”, and whew, this guy is insane! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is a new “I Need A Drink” (9), and what are people bringing on planes? There’s everything from tents to miniature ponies, stop it people, just stop it! Finally this week, our segment that is our 2020 voters’ guide “Keeping Up With The Candidates”, is coming to an end. Now don’t be sad! We start Stupidest State next week! But before we go, we are going to talk about the madness that went down at the Democratic debates. Plus the palate cleanser for listening to my bullshit, we have some live music for you from heavy metal supergroup Sons Of Apollo! Buy their new album MMXX, or you are no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Rod Blagojevich
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Remember when we used to just lock crooks up? I miss those days. But with a crook in charge it seems like all the criminals who got locked up before him are now getting off the hook. Perhaps the most famous of these is former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich. BLAGO!!!! Yeah where is Jon Stewart when you need him? Yes, I understood that reference. But this week Trump pardoned a whole bunch of criminals who got locked up, mostly for financial crimes, but the most troubling of this bizarre series of pardons is most definitely Blago himself. And when you see the group that Trump included Blago in, well, it gets worse and worse!

President Donald Trump wielded his powers of clemency Tuesday for convicted white-collar criminals and the former Illinois governor accused of attempting to sell a US senate seat.
The wave of pardons and commutations, some of which Trump has been considering for years, came amid a post-impeachment flurry of presidential prerogative, from ridding his team of aides he deemed disloyal to flagrantly inserting himself into Justice Department matters.

Trump announced midday he had commuted the prison sentence of former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, a Democrat who has served eight years of a 14-year sentence for the pay-for-play charges. Trump had been weighing the move since at least since 2018.

"He served eight years in jail, a long time. He seems like a very nice person, don't know him," Trump told reporters at Joint Base Andrews, suggesting the television appeals of Blagojevich's wife Patti helped cement his decision.

A spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Prisons confirmed Tuesday night that Blagojevich was released from the Colorado federal prison where he was housed. Patti Blagojevich announced on her Twitter account that the family will hold a "homecoming press conference" at noon ET Wednesday at their residence.

Aw… poor baby! He served in jail a long time? Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time! Man, conservatives can dish it out but they sure as hell can’t take it. By the way if you want to see the company that Trump keeps, not only did he pardon Blagojevich, he also pardoned people like former San Francisco Giants owner Edward DeBartolo, Jr, who was busted for fraud. And former NYPD commissioner Bernie Kerik, also busted for fraud. Or financial kingpin Michael Milkin, also busted for fraud. I’m sensing a patten here but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Oh wait.

President Donald Trump signed an executive order Tuesday granting a full pardon to Edward DeBartolo Jr., the former owner of the San Francisco 49ers for his involvement in a gambling fraud case in Louisiana in the late 1990s, according to White House spokesman Hogan Gidley.

DeBartolo was suspended from the NFL in 1997 and fined $1 million over an extortion case involving then-Louisiana Gov. Edwin W. Edwards. As the star witness, DeBartolo testified that he paid Edwards $400,000 in exchange for his help in securing a riverboat casino license. Edwards ultimately was convicted of racketeering, conspiracy and extortion charges in 2000 and DeBartolo pleaded guilty to a charge of failing to report a felony.

DeBartolo eventually ceded control of the 49ers to his sister, but was still inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2016 for presiding over a team that earned five Super Bowl trophies during the 1980s and ‘90s.

Jerry Rice, a legendary wide receiver who played under DeBartolo, credited him with his success and described him as the "12th man that was on that football field."

Except that there is no bad court thingy here. Trump pardoned a bunch of fraudsters, hucksters and scam artists. If we extrapolate this, does that mean that Trump is a fraudster himself? Of course everyone in this audience already knew that! But let’s go back to that thing that Trump said about him not knowing Rod Blagojevich. YES YOU DID!!! He was on the Celebrity Apprentice!! Kiss Trump’s ass and it is a get out of jail free card!

There had been rumblings for a while now about President Donald Trump commuting Rod Blagojevich’s sentence — something multiple Illinois Republicans were advising against two years ago — but it’s finally happened.

And naturally, it’s brought renewed attention to how Trump and Blagojevich know each other — going back to the days of The Celebrity Apprentice.

The episode Blagojevich got fired on was focused on the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios, and his time on the show ended with Donald Trump grilling him over his lack of research on Harry Potter facts.

As Trump confronted BLagojevich over what his group did wrong, he said, “Your Harry Potter facts were not accurate. Who did the research?”

Blagojevich tried to make excuses but ultimately Trump said the onus was on him because he “went to Orlando to learn about Harry Potter.”

Ah yes, Celebrity Apprentice – the show where Meatloaf and Gary Busey practically murder each other over art supplies and former governors get fired for doing some poor research on Harry Potter. This is such a great time to be alive isn’t it? But there is an interesting development in all of these pardons – it turns out that they could have a huge damper in the GOP’s election strategy in Illinois – a key swing state, because Rod Blagojevich is considered persona non grata in that state!

A new report from the Herald Tribune claims that the Illinois Republican Party’s election strategy has been thrown into disarray after President Donald Trump commuted the prison sentence of infamously corrupt former Democratic Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

“Looking ahead to the November general election, leading Illinois Republicans thought they had a marketable message to voters by pointing to myriad federal investigations that have ensnared Democrats at the city, suburban and state level,” the publication writes. “But Republican President Donald Trump’s decision Tuesday to commute former Democratic Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s prison sentence on federal corruption charges may have short-circuited the GOP’s strategy.”

Even though Republicans across the country typically hold their tongues when it comes to criticizing the president, Illinois Republicans did not hesitate to knock Trump for his decision to free a man who was convicted on multiple corruption charges after trying to sell the Senate seat of former President Barack Obama.

“Blagojevich is the face of public corruption in Illinois, and not once has he shown any remorse for his clear and documented record of egregious crimes that undermined the trust placed in him by voters,” five Illinois Republicans said in a joint statement after the commutation. “As our state continues to grapple with political corruption, we shouldn’t let those who breached the public trust off the hook. History will not judge Rod Blagojevich well.”

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[font size="8"]Julian Assange
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Is quid pro quo a crime or is it not a crime? Well this isn’t so much an act of quid pro quo as it is a complete and total clusterfuck. And of course if former California representative Dana Rohrabacher (R-Kremlin) were one of the witnesses in the impeachment trial against Donald J. Trump, then this could have serious implications. Just because Trump was implicated on two crimes does not excuse him from the other 100,000,000 he’s accused of! And it doesn’t take a Harvard educated lawyer to figure that one out! So what happened between Rohrabacher, Assange, and Trump? Calling this entire thing a “clusterfuck” is a misnomer if there ever was one!

President Donald Trump offered a pardon through an intermediary to Julian Assange if the WikiLeaks chief agreed to say that Russia was not involved in hacking emails from Democrats during the 2016 presidential election, a lawyer for Assange reportedly told a court in London on Wednesday.

Assange’s lawyer Edward Fitzgerald made that claim during a hearing related to the U.S. request to extradite Assange from the United Kingdom to face more than a dozen criminal charges in the United States, according to The Daily Beast news site.

Fitzgerald referred in that hearing to a statement from Jennifer Robinson, another lawyer for Assange, saying that then-Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif., told Assange that, “on instructions from the president, he was offering a pardon or some other way out, if Mr. Assange ... said Russia had nothing to do with the DNC [Democratic National Committee] leaks,” The Daily Beast reported.

Rohrabacher, whose pro-Russia stance led to him being derisively nicknamed Vladimir “Putin’s favorite congressman,” allegedly made that claim during a visit in the summer of 2017 to Assange at Ecuador’s embassy in London.

Yeah that’s kind of what trying to figure out this whole thing is like. So Assange was offered a pardon if he could clean up the hacking mess and say that it didn’t happen? After seeing the shape he left the Ecuadorian embassy in, asking Assange to clean something up would be like hiring Walter White’s pest control service to kill your bugs. Kills bugs dead! So how did this whole thing go down?

A judge in the United Kingdom will allow Wikileaks publisher Julian Assange to argue that he was offered a pardon by U.S. President Donald Trump in exchange for issuing a statement that Russia was not the source of leaks beneficial to Trump’s 2016 campaign.

District Judge Vanessa Baraitser signed off on the request made by Assange’s defense team during a Wednesday court appearance that was mainly administrative in focus—but which supplied the evidentiary bombshell—in anticipation of a Monday extradition hearing.

Assange is controversially charged in the U.S. with disclosing state secrets in a move that was heavily criticized by First Amendment advocates and civil libertarians. His defense is currently fighting an extradition request.

SBS reporter Ben Lewis broke the news by noting that Trump’s alleged request was said to be delivered via former California GOP congressman Dana Rohrabacher.

This whole thing is absolutely fucking crazy. And why is this already page 6 news? This should be on the front page with big, bold headlines highlighting that there was a former Congressmen in all of this and that the entire administration was in on it! These guys are completely insane. And come on, it’s Trump, he’ll give you a pardon and you don’t have to do anything! Just have your lips firmly placed on Trump’s ass! And his ass is big, it needs a lot of kissing!

A former corporate chief executive who spent his post-prison years helping inmates return to society received a pardonfrom President Donald Trump on Tuesday at the urging of former Gov. Chris Christie.

Christie and long-time ally Jeff Chiesa, a former state attorney generaland interim U.S. senator, represented Ariel Friedler, the founder and former CEO of Virginia-based Symplicity Corp., in his application for a pardon. They submitted the request for a pardon more than a year ago.

Trump called Christie on Friday and they discussed the pardon for the first time, the former governor told NJ Advance Media.

He said Trump asked him, “Are you convinced he’s a really good guy?" and Christie responded, "Yes, Mr. President.”

Please!! And come on, if you think this whole Assange thing is bad, just wait until you see what he has in place for Roger Stone! Instead of 4 weddings and a funeral, this is 4 pardons and a penance. Getting the R next to your name is basically a get out of jail free card when they’re the most corrupt and out of control administration in American history? Yeah break the law and you get a slap on the wrist!

Roger Stone has come a long way.

He was once the subject of an acrimonious departure from the Trump campaign, despised by one of Donald Trump’s closest aides. When he was later convicted of lying to the Congress, obstructing investigators and intimidating a witness, the same person cheered from the sidelines.

But now, after Stone received his three-plus year sentence on Thursday, the longtime Trump political whisperer has become a MAGA-world symbol of deep state overreach and judicial corruption. The president is championing his cause on Twitter, risking a rift with his attorney general. Stone’s erstwhile critics are now decrying his unfair treatment.

And it’s all become the worst kept secret in Washington: Trump won’t let Roger Stone go to prison.

“It’s not a question of if,” said a former senior administration official who remains in contact with Trump and his senior advisers. “It’s when.”

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[font size="8"]Bill Barr
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See here’s the thing Bill, you knew the job was dangerous when you took it! When you work for an unstable man child like our president, @realDonaldTrump, he’s going to break the rules and treat you like shit. It just goes with the territory. But there’s been lots of calls for our Attorney General, Bill Barr, to resign. The Trump administration has created a revolving door and an absolute mockery of the highest institutions in the USA. Doesn’t matter if it’s the Attorney General, the State Department, or even the White House janitor. Well, given Trump’s diet, I would hate to have that job! But why does Bill Barr suddenly have a beef with Trump over his tweets?

Attorney General William Barr has told people he's considered resigning over President Donald Trump's interference with Justice Department matters, particularly the President's tweets, according to a source close to the situation.

While it's not clear if Barr is serious about potentially resigning or looking to send Trump a message, those discussions punctuate a palpable tension between Trump and Barr in recent days after the Justice Department was roiled by a cascade of controversies this past week, a separate source said, adding that the two appear to be in a cooling-off period after Barr's remarkable interview with ABC News.
"I think they have calmed down. I think they're cooling off," the source said.

Barr has been frustrated with the President chiming in on federal law enforcement matters in recent weeks, which he has made clear privately to Trump, though people close to the President said it's unlikely he will stop and pointed out that Trump weighed in on Justice Department issues long before Barr took the job. So far, Trump has ignored Barr's requests to stop weighing in, though some inside the administration have raised questions about whether the attorney general is seriously considering resigning or simply attempting to send a message to Trump.

Well yeah actually Bill is the guy who is in the wrong here! Stop saying wrong!!! But come on Bill, are you serious? Have you seen @realDonaldTrump’s Twitter feed? Dude, he’s calling Adam Schiif an idiot right now! Oh look he used “Shifty Schiff” again! What a remarkably clever stable genius he is! And if you need any further proof that these two are stable, functioning geniuses who should be in charge of the highest levels, just check this out!

More than 1,100 former Department of Justice officials are calling on Attorney General William Barr to resign after his department lowered the prison sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, a longtime ally of President Trump, in a move that's led to accusations of political interference.

In a letter released Sunday, the former DOJ officials, who have worked across Republican and Democratic administrations, wrote that Barr's intervention in the Stone case has tarnished the department's reputation.

"Such behavior is a grave threat to the fair administration of justice," the former officials wrote. "In this nation, we are all equal before the law. A person should not be given special treatment in a criminal prosecution because they are a close political ally of the President. Governments that use the enormous power of law enforcement to punish their enemies and reward their allies are not constitutional republics; they are autocracies."

On Monday, the U.S. Attorney's Office in Washington had recommended a prison sentence of up to nine years for Stone's 2019 conviction on charges including making false statements to Congress and witness tampering.

Dude, Bill, we need to have an intervention here. When 1,100 of your fellow attorneys are calling on you to resign, you should probably resign. Shit, even Bill’s own close, personal friends are calling on him to resign. Yeah, cue the Sad Hulk Music! We haven’t heard that in a while. At this point is there really no one who has called yet on Bill to resign? Maybe Trump but he’s claimed the Attorney General as his own personal fixer. That’s what happens when you’re run by the mob!

Nine U.S. senators signed a letter on Friday calling for Attorney General Bill Barr to immediately resign after the Justice Department submitted a new sentencing recommendation for former Trump adviser Roger Stone this week, NBC reports.

What they're saying: "The interference in this case by you or other senior DOJ officials working under you is a clear violation of your duty to defend fair, impartial, and equal justice for all Americans."

"It appears to show that you and other top DOJ officials intervened in a clearly political fashion to undermine the administration of justice at the President's behest in order to protect a well-connected political ally who committed a 'direct and brazen attack on the rule of law.'"

"The shocking actions taken by you or your senior staff to seek special protections for Mr. Stone make a mockery of your responsibilities to seek equal justice under the law and reveal that you are unfit to head the DOJ."

Dude, Bill, you fucked up! You trusted Trump! That’s what is going to happen! And you know Trump can’t exist without his fixer. I mean the average lawsuit against him is currently hovering around the $20 million mark. Of course that’s a conservative estimate. So really, how are you going to manage all those lawsuits? You need an asshole. Trump’s an asshole, Barr is an asshole. It seems only natural that these two would be compatible with each other!

Former Deputy Attorney General Donald Ayer called on Attorney General William Barr to resign or be impeached, Monday, in an article for the Atlantic.

In the article, titled “Bill Barr Must Resign,” Ayer, who served under President George H. W. Bush, claimed Barr desires “the creation of a president with nearly autocratic powers.”

“Barr’s Federalist Society speech suggests that he is ready to say nearly anything in pursuit of his lifelong goal of a presidency with unchecked powers. As Napoleon is reputed to have said, the man who will say anything will do anything,” wrote Ayer, adding that the “benefit of the doubt that many were ready to extend to Barr a year ago” has “now run out.”

“He has told us in great detail who he is, what he believes, and where he would like to take us,” Ayer continued. “For whatever twisted reasons, he believes that the president should be above the law, and he has as his foil in pursuit of that goal a president who, uniquely in our history, actually aspires to that status.”

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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The Alt Right. They’re the younger, hipper version of the KKK. Proudly terrorizing cucks and libtards since 2017. It’s so easy to make fun of them isn’t it? And for a group who claims to hate safe spaces, they sure do need a lot of safe spaces don’t they? But like I said it is really easy to make fun of the Pepe The Frog crowd. One we need to talk about is Kailin Bennett. Yes, you know her as the gun-toting, 2nd amendment absolutionist who gained internet notoriety and a job at Infowars when she took her AR-15 to her Kent State graduation ceremony. Well, Bennett is the host of a talk radio podcast called “Liberty Hangout”, because they’re so cool and hip. Well, Kaitlin Bennett is one person who probably should not be invited anywhere, because she’ll get kicked out.

I, too, know the joys of watching Kent State "gun girl" Kaitlin Bennett get marched off a campus.

Before Bennett was driven off Ohio University campus by a crowd of protesting students this week — more on that later — I had the pleasure of watching as she was ejected from a Bernie Sanders town hall for workers at a high school in Lordstown, Ohio. Later that night, conservative conspiracy theorist, pal of white supremacists and (former) Bumble aficionado Jack Posobiec tweeted a video of Bennett’s ejection from the event that went viral and, to my surprise, I made a cameo.

While the focus of the video is on Bennett as she’s marched out of the event, one eagle-eyed Twitter user chose instead to focus on the joy it brought others. Namely, me.

Yeah, that’s me in the gray peacoat, mockingly waving at Bennett as she was led out of Sanders’ rally.

I’m ashamed to admit that my brain has been poisoned by the internet enough that I actually recognized Bennett when she arrived at the event. Evidently no one else did, as they let her simply walk into the town hall.

No, they’re saying boo-urns!! Yeah why don’t we file that one in Reddit under “Oddly Satisfying” because nothing is more fun than watching a trash talker get her ass handed to her. You can’t go out in public like that, honey after shit talking people. And then you can’t go to your safe space to complain about it later. This is the real world, you got to be tough!!! There are no safe spaces! Of course the degree of this event varies depending on who you talk to.

Gun rights activist and Kent State graduate Kaitlin Bennett was greeted by a crowd of screaming protesters Monday when she visited Ohio University.

Bennett came to internet fame for taking a celebratory stroll around campus carrying a semi-automatic rifle after her graduation from Kent State University in 2018.

A video she posted on Twitter, referring to it as a “riot,” showed a crowd of students yelling and throwing drinks at her car as it drove slowly through the campus.

“This is what happens when a Trump supporter goes to a college campus,” she said. “I think @realDonaldTrump should strip funding from universities like this that harbor terrorists.”

Ohio University Police said in a statement they posted on Twitter that Bennett never notified police of her visit.

“Although such notice is not required, the lack of it deprived the department of the ability to plan staffing levels,” the statement read.

Wow, she seems like a real upstanding citizen! Not notifying police of who she is or the fact that she was going to be filming at the campus? Sounds like something Trump would do. So how does someone as crazy as Kaitlin Bennett become a media star? Well to become a star in the conservative world, all you have to do is launch a podcast talking about how much you hate Democrats and Hollywood, then retreat to your safe space when you get called out. And that’s exactly what she did!

Conservative activist Kaitlin Bennett arrived on the campus of Ohio University on Monday to film candid interviews with students about Presidents’ Day. Instead, she was quickly surrounded by student protesters, who hounded her off campus within two hours. Bennett posted a video online in which she called the fracas a “riot.” The university’s police department said in a statement that Bennett had not alerted them about her campus appearance, which prevented them from planning protection for her. Police also said the event “did not rise to the level of a riot,” involving only strong language and splashing water. Bennett may not have finished filming the video she planned to shoot, but the one she made instead surely reached an even broader audience. The incident had one clear takeaway: Kaitlin Bennett has turned herself into a bona fide conservative media star.

That’s an identity she has been working toward since she was an undergraduate at Kent State University. As a student, Bennett was an outspoken gun rights activist who organized an open-carry demonstration on campus. She had also served as president of the campus chapter of Charlie Kirk’s Turning Point USA (a nonprofit whose mission is, in its own words, to “identify, educate, train, and organize students to promote freedom”), devising a viral stunt in which club members wore diapers to ridicule “safe spaces”; she resigned when the event became a national laughingstock and the national group distanced itself from her chapter. In her bridge-burning resignation letter, Bennett called Turning Point “an organization founded by a college dropout who hires some of the most incompetent, lazy, and downright dishonest people I have ever encountered.”

Shut up!!! Yeah so in order to become a star in the conservative world, all you have to do is wave a Bible, shoot a gun, and talk shit about Democrats. It’s a winning formula! I’ve figured it out! Well, Kaitlin Bennett must be grinning to join Tomi Lahren as the Fox News blonde du jour. But really you can’t talk trash, and not expect people to fight back. And don’t go crying to your safe space the next time you get your ass kicked in public, honey!

Gun rights activist and social media personality Kaitlin Bennett received a less-than-warm welcome from the students of Ohio University during a visit to the Athens campus on Monday.

Bennett is best known for her viral photos on Kent State University's campus, where she posed with her gun and graduation cap in 2018.

Since then, she's become a controversial figure on social media.

When Bennett and her 'Liberty Hangout' tour arrived at Ohio University on Monday, students greeted her vehicle by throwing beverages in her direction and giving her the middle finger.

"This is what happens when a Trump supporter goes to a college campus," Bennett tweeted along with video of the incident. "Leftists at @ohiou started a riot when @Joelpatrick1776 and I showed up, and the @oupolice let it happen. I think @realDonaldTrump should strip funding from universities like this that harbor terrorists."

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: The Corona Flight
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Hey everyone it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

News about the dreaded Corona Virus has everyone on their toes and wondering what is going on as news of the virus spreads all over the world. In fact how safe is it to travel as news of the Corona Virus spreads to the far corners of the globe and beyond? It’s not limited to just one specific case in one state or any states, or any countries for that matter. The Corona Virus is making it difficult to travel with place after place getting quarantined. So how safe are you on your next flight? Where are you the most vulnerable? Let’s take a look at some cases that may be arising all over the world, some maybe even in your own back yard. No, don’t cue the horror music just yet.

A Japanese man from Aichi Prefecture in Central Japan who visited Maui and Oahu with his wife in late January and early February was confirmed Friday to have the novel coronavirus after returning home, the state Health Department reported.

But because he did not have symptoms while on Maui, from Jan. 28 to Feb. 3, “there is no increased risk on Maui from possible exposure,” said Dr. Sarah Park, state epidemiologist, on Friday. This position was reinforced by Maui County Mayor Michael Victorino and local Health Department officials.

“We doubt there’s anything out there, but we are taking prudent precautions,” said Dr. Lorrin Pang, Health Department Maui District Health officer. “We are aggressively looking for any cases on Maui where this visitor passed through.

“We have to do it quickly and thoroughly to contain any possible spread and protect the public health. Please don’t be alarmed. We’re moving quickly.”

There is greater concern on Oahu, where the man stayed from Feb. 3 to 7 and developed coldlike symptoms but no fever.

So with the Corona Virus landing in Maui, it’s safe to say that it has lead to all airports in Hawaii have begun screening for the virus. But what if you’re traveling to Mexico or Canada? Or anywhere in Europe or South America? Well there’s no telling where it could land next, and is one of the biggest nuisances lately. In fact if you travel to Italy you might want to have second thoughts, at least for the time being.

The world has been scrambling to contain the new coronavirus, which has infected tens of thousands of people and killed nearly 3,000.

The travel industry in turn faces an unprecedented situation. What is the U.S. government recommending? How can airlines, cruise lines and hotels accommodate travelers?

While the coronavirus situation is fluid, the government and the industry are taking and recommending precautionary measures to both assist travelers and stem the outbreak.

Here's a look at what the U.S. State Department, airlines, cruise lines and hotels are telling passengers amid the coronavirus outbreak. We will be updating this story as we learn more information.
Coronavirus travel warnings from CDC, State Department

The State Department and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are increasingly warning travelers about coronavirus. Here's a look at the most recent warnings from the CDC and State Department.

In fact at this point you’re probably better off sitting at home with a nice glass of your favorite beverage and some music. And seriously, don’t go anywhere, do anything, or buy anything for the foreseeable future, because you could probably die of the Corona Virus. Just quarantine yourself in an encased dome and stay at home. And if you do go somewhere that could come in contact with the Corona Virus, you should probably stay at home after you get home.

Children returning from holidays in northern Italy have been sent home from school after new government health advice on the coronavirus.

Two schools in England have shut completely for a "deep clean" after pupils came back from skiing trips.

The Foreign Office has now updated its travel advice, warning against all but essential travel to 11 quarantined towns in Italy.

The government said anyone returning from those towns must self-isolate.

And those who have travelled north of Pisa are asked to stay at home for 14 days if they develop flu-like symptoms.

Italy has put the 11 towns in Lombardy and Veneto - areas which attract tourists for their ski resorts - into lockdown.

No, and in fact self-isolation isn’t the solution either. So what do you need to do if you have travel plans that involve a place that has the Corona Virus? Where do you go? How do you protect yourself? And no, wearing a tent contraption like that one guy did. But no if you need to travel and you want to know what to do to protect yourself ahead of time there’s plenty of precautions that you can take to make sure that you don’t get the dreaded virus.

Earlier this month, thousands of people on board the Diamond Princess cruise ship were quarantined in Japan after 10 passengers were diagnosed with the new strain of coronavirus (COVID-19).

In the weeks that followed, more than 600 of the 3,700 passengers and crew members on the ship tested positive for the virus.

Some of the passengers have been airlifted to quarantined facilities in their home countries, while others are still waiting to be repatriated.

This has left many people with questions and concerns about the safety of traveling by cruise ship or other means.

Prospective travelers may worry about the risk of contracting the virus — as well as the chance that they might get quarantined in a foreign port if their fellow travelers get sick.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Madison! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know I don’t like to revel in the sorrow of others. Because that’s not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, is it? Well to be fair, engaging in schadenfreude is kind of what these guys do on a daily basis. And does it not say in our Good Book “Judge not lest ye be judged?”. Of course it says that! But what am I talking about today? I am of course referring to everyone’s favorite Bible-based theme park, called “The Holy Land Experience”. It’s such a fun loving family destination where people can watch live crucifixion on the hour, explore ancient Biblical artifacts, and watch live gladiator battles. Just fun for the whole family! And its all tax free. Well, for them, not for you. So how is this dog and pony show losing money? Well there’s a lot of factors.

Orlando’s biblical theme park, the Holy Land Experience, will lay off most of its employees as it undergoes a corporate restructuring, according to a letter sent to Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer.

In January, Trinity Broadcasting Networks announced the theme park with a nonprofit status will focus more of its efforts on highlighting the Biblical museum, The Scriptorium, and history-changing religious figures.

The religious experience at Vineland and Conroy Roads near The Mall at Millenia draws hundreds of people every year for the park’s annual free admission day, allowing the organization to keep its tax-exempt status. A “charity day” for 2020 has not been finalized yet but officials said it will happen before April 18.

Nathan Daniels, TBN’s Marketing Director, told News 6 in January performers will be laid off but he couldn’t give an exact number of employees.

However, a Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification Act notice sent to Dyer dated Feb. 14 indicates almost all of the nonprofit’s employees will lose their jobs. More than 120 positions will be eliminated, according to the letter.

Yes, come to the light and see Buddy Jesus! He is the Jesus that we worship, oh LAWRD! You know how can something faith based, which enjoys tax exempt status be hurting financially? Everyone knows that the fastest growing religion on earth is atheism. And with such gawdy tourist attractions like these, why would anyone spend time and/or money on them? Well let’s take a look at another faith based theme park, The Ark.

It seems that Ark Encounter, the $100 million Noah’s Ark theme park in Kentucky, isn’t doing so great.

According to the Louisville Courier Journal, around 860,000 tickets were sold for the Ark between July 2017 and June 2018, which falls pretty far short of the 2 million in annual ticket sales predicted by Ken Ham, the Ark’s creator, before it opened. (A spokesperson for the attraction told the Courier Journal that ticket sales did not reflect the number of people who visited due to annual passes and free tickets for under fives. They put the actual number closer to a million.)

Ham has previously blamed multiple factors for the underwhelming performance of the attraction. From local business owners to atheists. But is there a simpler explanation? Is it possible that people don’t want to visit the Ark because it sucks?
Before examining this, it's worth looking at what the makers of the Ark were going for when they embarked upon the project. According to Ham, the aim was to produce something so entertaining it would attract Christians and non-Christians alike. "How do you reach the general public in a bigger way?" he asked in an interview last year with the Washington Post. "Why not attractions that people will come to the way they go to Disney or Universal or the Smithsonian?" Which, presumably, is why he hired Patrick Marsh, an attractions designer who has worked on Universal Studios and the Sanrio theme park in Japan, to work on the Ark.

You know Ken Ham and his flock also need to go to the light and see JAYSUS! Because he is the way and the truth, can I get an amen??? It’s no wonder that Christianity is on the decline in America, and if faith based leaders like Paula White are any indication, is it really any wonder? JAYSUS just isn’t selling and moving merchandise like he used to. So why open a faith based theme park in 2020 when there is a huge possibility you could go out of business?

In Pew Research Center telephone surveys conducted in 2018 and 2019, 65% of American adults describe themselves as Christians when asked about their religion, down 12 percentage points over the past decade. Meanwhile, the religiously unaffiliated share of the population, consisting of people who describe their religious identity as atheist, agnostic or “nothing in particular,” now stands at 26%, up from 17% in 2009.

Both Protestantism and Catholicism are experiencing losses of population share. Currently, 43% of U.S. adults identify with Protestantism, down from 51% in 2009. And one-in-five adults (20%) are Catholic, down from 23% in 2009. Meanwhile, all subsets of the religiously unaffiliated population – a group also known as religious “nones” – have seen their numbers swell. Self-described atheists now account for 4% of U.S. adults, up modestly but significantly from 2% in 2009; agnostics make up 5% of U.S. adults, up from 3% a decade ago; and 17% of Americans now describe their religion as “nothing in particular,” up from 12% in 2009. Members of non-Christian religions also have grown modestly as a share of the adult population.

These are among the key findings of a new analysis of trends in the religious composition and churchgoing habits of the American public, based on recent Pew Research Center random-digit-dial (RDD) political polling on the telephone. The data shows that the trend toward religious disaffiliation documented in the Center’s 2007 and 2014 Religious Landscape Studies, and before that in major national studies like the General Social Survey (GSS), has continued apace.

Pew Research Center’s 2007 and 2014 Religious Landscape Studies were huge national RDD surveys, each of which included interviews with more than 35,000 respondents who were asked dozens of detailed questions about their religious identities, beliefs and practices. The Center has not yet conducted a third such study, and when the Landscape Study is repeated, it is likely to use new methods that may prevent it from being directly comparable to the previous studies; growing challenges to conducting national surveys by telephone have led the Center to rely increasingly on self-administered surveys conducted online.

Hey we’re on a mission from GAWD! So if you’re Christianity, and your Holy Land Experience theme park isn’t drawing the crowds that it used to, how can you be expected to make a profit in 2020? Because that’s what JAYSUS would want! He would want us to be rich and to prosper monetarily! After all it says so in our Good Book here! Oh and give it up for our gospel choir, how great are they? Well if we want faith-based tourism, maybe our good friend Kanye can bring ‘em in! JAYSUS merches, after all, people!

Kanye West is taking his talents to Miami.

The rapper, 42, announced plans Tuesday to bring his Sunday Service Experience worship event to Florida the morning of the Super Bowl.

The event, a partnership with Miami's VOUS church at the FPL Solar Amphitheater is set for 11 a.m. before the San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs' 6:30 p.m. kickoff.

West has taken his mostly L.A.-based Sunday Services on the road: He visited Dayton, Ohio, in August to support the community after a mass shooting; and also recently made stops in Detroit and Arizona.

West's "Sunday Service," a weekly event that started in January 2019, brings together a group of lucky attendees – with celebs including Paris Jackson, Courtney Love, Rick Rubin, Kid Cudi, Busy Philipps and Diplo recently in the audience – to watch West lead a choir and perform new compositions of his old hits. West sings, often standing in front of a keyboard, as the guest vocalists provide backup in gospel rearrangements of his songs.

Yes, we are serious, Kanye! How about you open up your own religious theme park! And you can sell $225 sweatshirts, and enjoy tax exempt status! That’s how you expand the faith-based tourism industry if others can’t! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots: Wendy Williams Insensitivity
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Yes it’s the segment where we in the comedy profession explain humor to people who just don’t quite get jokes. Or in this case someone who is really bad at telling them. You never, *EVER*, joke about someone’s death. Ever. Sure, we’ve joked about death, destruction, and mass shootings a lot on this program. Hell, we even started the Top 10 when the San Bernardino mass shooting happened. And that one hit way too close to home. But you know what? We never joke about a specific person. We joke about the politicians who put us in these positions. We joke about the circumstances that lead to tragedy, but we never joke about death. And never at someone. If you want to know where that leads, just check out Top 10 #5-3, when punk rock band NOFX, a band known for having a low brow, self-deprecating sense of humor, made a joke about the Route 91 tragedy while they were in Las Vegas. That resulted in them losing sponsorship deals with Stone Brewing Company and getting kicked out of their own festival. So you can imagine what happened this week when talk show host Wendy Williams joked about the tragic murder of the ex-fiancé of Price Is Right host Drew Carey. Yes, she went there, and as you can imagine, a shit show ensued.

Days after she came under fire for saying gay men should "stop wearing our skirts and our heels" on an episode of her daytime talk show, Wendy Williams is being criticized for appearing to make insensitive remarks about the death of celebrity sex and relationship therapist Amie Harwick.

"Drew Carey's ex-fiance was tragically murdered over the weekend," Williams said of Harwick. "She was killed. Not by Drew."

Williams then yelled the famous "The Price Is Right" catchphrase, "Come on down!" and shifted her head, as if miming watching someone fall.

According to authorities, officers were called to Harwick's Los Angeles home at 1:16 a.m. after a report of a "woman screaming." Upon entering the property, officers found Harwick beneath a third-story balcony with injuries consistent with a fall. They arrested Harwick's ex-boyfriend, Gareth Pursehouse, whom she had previously filed a restraining order against, on a murder charge Saturday.

Upon watching the episode, some viewers called for Williams to be terminated from her position, citing a series of "inappropriate" comments from the talk show host..

Now see Wendy? That's how you do a Price Is Right joke! No one is getting fired, but you can bet that some heads are definitely rolling at the Wendy Williams show. So when you say something that ridiculously insensitive, you can only imagine the backlash that is going to follow. Made of course worse by the fact that we live in the social media era where everyone and anyone can say literally whatever they want, and you can imagine that Wendy Williams is getting some well deserved shit.

The brother of Amie Harwick — the allegedly murdered sex therapist once engaged to “The Price Is Right” host Drew Carey — demanded Wednesday that Wendy Williams apologize for making a joke about his sister’s fatal balcony plunge.

Chris Harwick slammed the 54-year-old talk show star for an on-air comment in which she quipped “Come on down!” while gesturing as if she were watching a person fall from a building, according to Fox News.

“Domestic violence is something no one should be joking about,” Harwick told the outlet in his first statement since his sister’s tragic death on Feb. 15

“This is a difficult time for my family and for Wendy Williams to make light of this tragedy is very upsetting to us and extremely distasteful,” he said. “My sister worked tirelessly for domestic violence victims and women’s rights. Wendy Williams should apologize publicly to my family for her comment.”

Yeah they should probably pull a Liz Lemon here and tell the entire writing team to fuck off. You'd think that they would have standards and practices and quality control and about a hundred other channels before this goes on TV, and someone would say "Hey! This is a really bad idea!". But nope, that ain't happening here. The thing about this whole incident though – the reason why we can say whatever we want is that we’re not on a major network! We have that coveted Wednesday at 2:00 PM slot at the local chuckle hut! Or the university commons which is where we're at right now! We’re not on nationally syndicated TV with millions of viewers! And this comes off after literally a week when she made insensitive comments about trans people.

Talk-show host Wendy Williams has issued an apology to the LGBTQ community after drawing criticism for anti-gay comments she made during a recent episode of her daytime program.

On Thursday’s “Wendy Williams Show,” the veteran host unleashed a rant against gay men, scolding them for “wearing our skirts and our heels” and declaring, “You’ll never be the women that we are. No matter how gay.” Many Twitter users immediately slammed Williams for her remarks and pointed out the harms of assuming that gay men aspire to be women.

“I’ll start by saying, ‘I apologize,’” Williams said in a video shared Friday on social media. “I did not mean to offend my LGBTQ+ community on yesterday’s show. ... one thing that I can tell you right now is that I never do the show in a place of malice. ... I didn’t mean to hurt anybody’s feelings. I’m just having a conversation.”

The comments in question came about during a “hot topics” segment about Galentine’s Day, the faux holiday inspired by the sitcom “Parks and Recreation.” While discussing the sisterhood celebration, Williams scolded the men in her audience for clapping, insisting, “You’re not even a part of this.”

So there’s plenty of comments about Wendy Williams both for and against. So according to Wendy Williams, gay men (or any men, for that matter) can’t wear skirts, and premediated murder is just something to joke about. Just a hearty gut laugh. Does anyone even watch the Wendy Williams show? Does anyone at all? Besides people in nail salons during their lunch breaks? Oh was that insensitive? Yeah see what I did there? Only difference is, I don’t command a national audience! At least Ms. Williams apologized to one part of her audience.

Wendy Williams is apologizing after making some controversial comments toward the LBGTQ community that social media users deemed "homophobic."

In anticipation of Valentine's Day, the outspoken talk show host asked her studio audience on Thursday who was planning to celebrate Galentine’s Day, an unofficial holiday created on the NBC show "Parks & Recreation" where women celebrate the other women in their lives.

Williams switched gears when she noticed some men in the audience applauding.

"If you’re a man and you’re clapping, you’re not even a part of this," said Williams, 55. "You don’t understand the rules of the day. It’s women going out and getting saucy and then going back home. You’re not a part."

She continued: "I don’t care if you’re gay. You don’t get a (menstruation) every 28 days. You can do a lot that we do, but I get offended by the idea that we go through something you will never go through."

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Frank Amedia
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This week’s This Fucking Guy is Frank Amedia. You may not know the name but he’s a far right Trump loving pastor and creator of a group called POTUS Shield. Of course only in the Trump administration could such a group exist. And if you guessed that this group is steeped in some super far right, batshit crazy conspiracy theories, well, you guessed correctly! Like what? Well, the Corona Virus is probably the worst thing to come out of a Chinese fish market since that piece of Tilapia that you ate at Applebees that gave you food poisoning. Well, POTUS Shield has an opinion on that, and it’s about as crazy as you might expect.

Frank Amedia, a former Trump campaign adviser and founder of the Trump-supporting “prophetic” network POTUS Shield, told Charisma CEO Stephen Strang Monday that Chinese Christians told him that the death toll from coronavirus infection in China is in the “tens of thousands” rather than the official count of about 2,000.

Amedia was a guest on Strang’s podcast, where he also promoted a conspiracy theory about the coronavirus having been created in a lab in Wuhan, China, that he said is engaged in biological warfare research. Amedia praised Republican Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas for having been “brave enough” to publicize the laboratory theory, which has been debunked, in an interview on Fox News.

But Amedia suggested that there’s a silver lining to the coronavirus “plague,” claiming that people were going “in swarms” to house churches and experiencing supernatural healings.

Amedia said that China is in the center of what missionaries refer to the 10/40 window—that part of the world between the 10th parallel north of the equator and the 40th parallel north of the equator where most of the “unreached people groups” live—and that Wuhan is in the center of that area of China. He believed that the virus emerging from Wuhan is a “strategic strike” and “what the enemy has intended for bad, God intends for good.”

Yeah it’s becoming increasingly a common pattern among these kooks is to say the most absolutely batshit crazy thing that comes to mind. But the Christian right is getting really dangerous with their rhetoric and groups like POTUS Shield aren’t helping things. And here’s where things get scary – in an era where the Christian right is amping up its’ game on the abortion front, maybe don’t call the impeachment effort a “political abortion”. Yeah that’s a very poor choice of words!

Frank Amedia, an early supporter and campaign adviser to President Donald Trump, declared last week that the impeachment process was a “political abortion” meant to stop Trump’s “anointed and appointed” mission. Amedia said a “form of witchcraft” is keeping the name of the whistleblower “in obscurity.”

Amedia heads POTUS Shield, a “prophetic” prayer network that he founded on the night of Trump’s 2016 election victory to mobilize prayer for the president and to promote a new prophetic order of the United States. Last Tuesday, Amedia was a guest on Charisma CEO Stephen Strang’s “God, Trump, and the 2020 Election” podcast, where he said that Trump has an “assignment from God” and that he is “absolutely convinced” that Trump will win in 2020. But Amedia warned that the anti-Trump witchcraft will “regroup” and the “devouring spirit” that has been manifested in politics “will not be satisfied” and “will not stop” attacking Trump after he is reelected. He warned that something bad could happen to Trump in 2022, claiming that Trump’s enemies would “continue to lay snares and traps and try to net him.”

Strang wanted to hear more details about what God was telling Amedia about 2022, but Amedia was coy, claiming that he’s not revealing some things because he is pleading with God to give America more time:

And to be blunt with you. One of the reasons why I’m not comfortable to share it is I’m pleading at the altar of God. I’m pleading for him to reverse some things. I’m pleading for him to have more grace, more mercy, transforming a heart and hearts. But all I’ve received from the Lord, Stephen, is that we are in this window of grace and change and transformation that involves the five major categories of the mission that were put upon this man and his anointing and his breaker anointing, and that persists through 2022. After that, I believe we enter into a large, very large test.

I’m pretty sure that somewhere, even Jesus is going “fuck this shit”. But yeah that’s a very poor choice of words there, Frank. And by the way in case you’re wondering which God people like Frank Amedia worship, it’s not the fun loving father of Jesus presented in the New Testament. No, they worship the Old Testament God, the God that reigns down fire and brimstone, and is a raging, egomaniacal asshole, you know, like a certain president that they also worship. Yeah, that guy!

Frank Amedia, a pastor, former Trump campaign adviser, and founder of the “prophetic” network POTUS Shield, released a video message Monday portraying opponents of President Donald Trump as agents of evil.

At the core of the impeachment inquiry against Trump is a “spirit of witchcraft,” and a “twisted conspiracy” by demonic spirits, he said. Amedia portrayed POTUS Shield—a network he founded on the night of Trump’s election—as a spiritual weapon. “We are a weapon, a spiritual weapon of God that has been anointed and called for such a time as this,” he said.

Amedia told viewers not to be shocked if another whistleblower shows up with charges against Trump. “Do not be shocked or surprised,” he said. “This is the tactic of the enemy.” He said to expect more “putrid incriminations” and “vitriolic ranting.” He denounced Trump opponents in the “deep state” and prayed that they would be exposed and removed.

Amedia also addressed the Trump administration’s targeted killing of Iranian Maj. General Qassem Soleimani in Iraq. “God is a man of war,” Amedia declared, saying that the “righteous blood” of soldiers who had been killed over the years at the direction of Soleimani had “cried out to God” and “the time came when God judged.”

Yeah really, with friends like these who needs enemies? So let’s put it this way – Frank Amedia is the Paula White of Billy Grahams – just enough of an audience to go full batshit crazy with a bit of Trump’s over the top ego-maniacism. Do we really need people like Paula White or Frank Amedia preaching from inside the White House? I’m pretty sure that’s how dictators are created. And if you see the way that the world is heading, that’s the last thing we need!

Frank Amedia, the tsunami-stopping and ant-reviving pastor who founded the POTUS Shield prayer effort to wage spiritual warfare on behalf of President Donald Trump, told Charisma Magazine’s Stephen Strang that he was very excited by the news that prosperity gospel preacher Paula White has taken an official position with the Trump administration.

“I think it’s significant in showing this president’s resolve to walk on the light side,” Ameiai said during a recent episode of Strang’s podcast. “This statement comes from the seat of government. Our God honors sovereignty and he honors the words of the king. ”

“For [Trump] to put her in that position,” Amedia added, “to have the boldness to say, ‘I’m going to put my pastor in a directorship position of faith right in the White House and I’m not going to be concerned about the political crocodiles’ … She is the Billy Graham inside the White House at this moment and we need to stand with her, we need to pray for her.”

“To have a woman of God seated in the White House in a high position, sitting there which is called the throne of this country, I believe this is, to me, very significant that there’s been a humbling before God,” he said.

Yeah with these two at the helm of far right Christian conspiracy theorists, is it any wonder that we’re doomed? Doomed, I tell you! That’s Frank Amedia, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you that when the news gets way too dark, the only solution is to kick back with your favorite beverage, chill out, and talk about literally anything else. So that’s what we do here is to bring the lighter side of the news while imbibing our favorite beverages. This week we’re going to talk about planes. Of course, traveling has been miserable since 9/11 but these days it’s getting way more entertaining. So tell me bartender what goes well with a story about travel? Oh you mean that I can have anything I want as long as it’s served in those tiny liquor bottles? OK then I will take an airplane sized Jack & Coke thanks. Anyway, hysteria, stupidity, and misinformation surrounding the Corona Virus is a thing. And this guy, in a perfectly normal flight from Cincinatti, this guy whipped out a tent to protect himself from the virus. Or so he thought.

A US businessman has tested out his wearable plastic tent on an aeroplane in an attempt to avoid coronavirus.

Rick Pescovitz is the CEO of StadiumPod, which produces plastic tents worn over the torso by sport spectators wishing to avoid the rain.

The Cincinnati man tested a second use for his pods by wearing one on an aeroplane in light of the coronavirus outbreak which has killed 638 people to date.

Pescovitz's brother David told blog Boing Boing that a flight attendant happily took his brother's photo after he wore one of his blue tents on a plane.

"As travelers are taking unusual steps to protect themselves from the Coronavirus...my brother thought to see how his StadiumPod would work on an airplane," David said.

"The man who sat next to him didn't even bat an eye.

Come on dude, you do realize that thing has holes in it right? You’re about as safe as if you wore laser proof sunglasses to protect you from a laser pointer. But if the Corona Virus is inhibiting your travel plans, there’s plenty of other things that you should probably stay away from the next time you board your next trip. Like emotional support animals for instance. Can we please let this trend just fucking die already?

A federal proposal unveiled Wednesday would significantly limit the types of animals entitled to fly in aircraft cabins as emotional support animals.

It's a crackdown the industry has sought amid concerns some passengers are bringing their untrained pets aboard by fraudulently passing them as emotional support animals. The result, the industry and Transportation Department have said, is an increase in incidents such as bitings aboard planes.

"The days of Noah's Ark in the air are hopefully coming to an end," said Sara Nelson, president of the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA, which represents 50,000 crew members.
The proposal would free airlines from the requirement to accommodate passengers' emotional support animals and reclassify them as pets. Airlines have greater leeway to determine their pet policies, including charging passengers fees and setting size limits.

It would continue to require airlines accommodate service animals, but restrict that category to dogs only. The current regulations allow a limited list of service animals species, including miniature horses.

Thank god! If I get on a plane and I have to sit next to someone’s emotional support parrot, I’m getting off that plane! Whether it’s strange guys in tents or your next door neighbor’s emotional support donkey, there’s plenty of reasons why you might want to make your next trip to Oklahoma City a road trip. Like for instance, no, I don’t need a donkey on my next flight to Detroit, OK? There’s a reason why people haven’t been allowed to bring pets like this on planes!

Cats and dogs are not unusual sights to be spotted on a plane journey in the US.

But one passenger, from Michigan, US, took her miniature horse onboard for his first-ever flight – in first class no less.

The miniature horse, called Fred, is a trained therapy and service horse.

Fred’s handler, Ronica Froese, told local news outlet Fox 17 that the journey from Grand Rapids, Michigan, to Ontario, California via Dallas was his first plane journey.

“I spent a year of my life training this horse extensively for what he has and I was totally prepared for everything,” Ms Froese said.

“I purchased two first class seats in bulkhead seating, I paid an arm and a leg for tickets but I did so because it was Fred’s first time and I wanted him to be comfortable, I wanted him to have the most room,” she said.

Yeah I need to chug some beers like Steve Austin does! Because this whole thing is getting way out of hand. We don’t need guys in tents on planes. And we certainly don’t need your emotional support peacock on my flight to Boca Raton. Why is Florida immediately the first place that comes to mind when I think of this? This trend started with the super rich. You know what the only difference is? The rich fly on private planes! They’re not on a United A320 that stops in Denver! The good news is that this insanity might be ending soon, we can only hope.

The plague of small, poorly trained dogs running amok on planes and in airports may be about to end. The Department of Transportation (DOT) is proposing removing Emotional Support Animals (ESAs) from commercial air travel altogether, while tightening up regulations on flying with actual service dogs.

“The Department recognizes the integral role that service animals play in the lives of many individuals with disabilities and wants to ensure that individuals with disabilities can continue using their service animals while also reducing the likelihood that passengers wishing to travel with their pets on aircraft will be able to falsely claim their pets are service animals,” reads a press release issued by the DOT earlier today.

Following an exponential increase in the number of supposed ESAs being brought into the passenger compartments of planes, and complaints from airline staff, passengers, and travelers with disabilities, the department is finally taking action. Proposed modifications to the Air Carrier Access Act could ban ESAs, formalize the documentation required to travel with a service animal, restrict the number of service animals traveling with any one disabled person to a maximum of two, and dictate that the service animal must be small enough to fit into the disabled passenger’s foot space.

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep.25: The End
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! This is the very last and final edition of Keeping Up With The Candidates. But why is it coming to an end? Because we are head fast heading into the primaries. We’re going to take a break with our 2020 Stupidest State contest, and Selection Sunday is next week. That said, when we come back after our traditional Memorial Day break, we are going to jump into the deep end of the election. And as such, this segment will be called “Stumble To The White House (Probably)”. When we should hopefully have a candidate picked out by then that the Democratic party can get behind. Well the debate in Las Vegas proved to be extremely interesting.

Mike Bloomberg became a piñata, and Elizabeth Warren resurrected her feisty side.

The Democratic candidates formed a circular firing squad Wednesday night, with arrows flying in all directions and fights breaking out among a seemingly infinite permutation of candidates on matters from health care policy to lewd comments about women.

The debate was not only Bloomberg's first time on a presidential debate stage; it was also the first night of his surging 2020 campaign that wasn't choreographed. The result: He faced direct criticism from rivals he has bested in recent polls. It was the most contentious evening of the nine faceoffs so far, coming three days before the candidates face the most diverse voting electorate yet in their quest to make Donald Trump a one-term president.

"It's a little bit like a presidential version of 'Survivor,'" former Sen. Claire McCaskill, D-Mo., said on MSNBC after the debate.

Here's a look at who was the most aggressive, who took the toughest punches and who missed their marks over the course of the debate, which was hosted by NBC News, MSNBC, Telemundo and The Nevada Independent.

Holy shit, Liz, where the hell have you been this whole time? If we can see more of that before the election, that would be great! Someone has to beat Trump, someone has to! Now the question is how do we go about doing this? Well, for one thing the Dems really need to cut out the Circular Firing Squad, because it’s not helping.

Former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s momentum in the Democratic presidential race has stalled after a lackluster debate performance in Las Vegas this week, according to a new poll.

The Morning Consult poll released Friday shows Bloomberg falling into third place behind Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) and former Vice President Joe Biden, dropping 3 points compared to a similar Morning Consult survey from before the debate.

The former mayor is still registering double-digit support, at 17 percent, but Bloomberg’s post-debate dip was the largest of any candidate.

Sanders, meanwhile, held on to his first-place position in the poll and even gained 2 points compared to the pre-debate survey, rising to 30 percent support. Biden stayed steady at 19 percent.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) finished in fourth place in the survey with 12 percent support — a 2-point gain since earlier this week — while former South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg fell into fifth place with 11 percent support and Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) trailed at 5 percent.

The Morning Consult poll, which was conducted entirely after this week’s debate, suggests that Bloomberg’s debate performance has slowed his rise in the Democratic presidential race.

This is going just great guys! Come on, we need to get the lead out! It’s going to take a miracle to beat Trump and the Christian right and send them packing in November. So how? How do we get the lead out and where do we go forward and not backward? Because in order to beat Trump it’s going to take an army to do so. And last week I said that Bernie Sanders commands that army. But really why is Bloomberg still in it? At this point he’s the XFL of AFLs competing against the NFL.

Billionaire ex-New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg has a plan to improve his performance after what was widely panned as a subpar showing during last week's Democratic primary debate. The strategy: make Tuesday's contest all about Bernie Sanders.

A top Bloomberg campaign official who spoke with NBC News said the debate "is definitely going to be about Bernie Sanders" after the Democratic front-runner scored a commanding victory in Nevada and has skyrocketed ahead of the rest of the field in recent national polling.

"It's everyone's last opportunity to really hold him accountable and really challenge his record," the aide said of the last debate before the pivotal Super Tuesday contest. "And so we have to take on the front-runner on that stage. And that's Bernie."

The Bloomberg campaign is predicting that with Sanders continuing to gain momentum, much of Tuesday's debate will focus on the Vermont senator rather than their own candidate. But the aide said: "It's hard to assess what other candidates are going to go after."

Yeah and have you seen how much of a dumpster fire the XFL is this week? Whew, we’re only 3 weeks into the XFL and it’s the shit show that everyone expected it to be. Oh yeah and that seems to be about how many weeks Bloomberg has been in it. It’s like when your favorite team makes the wild card and they’re going up against the Yankees. Come on, dude, you’ll get lucky if you make it past the first round.

Former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s momentum in the Democratic presidential race has stalled after a lackluster debate performance in Las Vegas this week, according to a new poll.

The Morning Consult poll released Friday shows Bloomberg falling into third place behind Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) and former Vice President Joe Biden, dropping 3 points compared to a similar Morning Consult survey from before the debate.

The former mayor is still registering double-digit support, at 17 percent, but Bloomberg’s post-debate dip was the largest of any candidate.

Sanders, meanwhile, held on to his first-place position in the poll and even gained 2 points compared to the pre-debate survey, rising to 30 percent support. Biden stayed steady at 19 percent.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) finished in fourth place in the survey with 12 percent support — a 2-point gain since earlier this week — while former South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg fell into fifth place with 11 percent support and Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) trailed at 5 percent.

By the way normally this is where we would end it, but we got to show how Bloomberg is faring in cities like Flint, Michigan, and yeah it’s exactly what you would expect.


[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

There is no next week. This is the end everybody! Thank you for watching. We will be back with our Road To The White House… Probably segment after Stupidest State 2020!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Sons Of Apollo[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am super excited to have this next group on! They are a progressive metal super group featuring members of a bunch of different metal bands. Playing their song “Goodbye Divinity” from their album MMXX, give it up for Sons Of Apollo!

Thank you Madison! We had a great time! We are off to Wichita next with the kickoff of our 2020 Stupidest State contest! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University Of Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UWM Choir Club, Madison, WI
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Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 26, 2020, 06:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-7: Bromancing The Stone Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-7: Bromancing The Stone Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Ann Arbor? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Go Wolverines! It’s always good to be back in Michigan, but it is fucking freezing at the moment. Although we live in an era where people deny that climate change exists, so it’s warm by their standards! And we were just in Florida too, how come we didn’t stay there for the rest of the winter? And it’s supposed to be a short one since Punxatawney Phil saw his shadow, or however that works. Do we have time for the thing? So this is one of my favorite stories of the last week – everyone’s favorite sinking ship metaphor known as the HMS Titanic, was once again, involved in yet another wreck. Yes, the ship has been floating at the bottom of the ocean since it sank on April 15th, 1912. But it was hit again, this time by a US explorer submarine operated by the National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). Now what’s weird about the incident was that it went unreported for three months. Now it’s presumed that there was a treaty between the US and England about preserving the remains of the HMS Titanic, that was signed back in 2012 on the 100th anniversary of that tragedy, and this could have violated that treaty. But then again, this could have just been sheer stupidity on someone’s part. At the very least it’s a metaphor for a sinking ship. And also at the very least they could have used the Homer Simpson “It’s my first day!!!” defense. OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first the long awaited return of Last Week Tonight!! And this week John Oliver destroys the Fox talking points on the concept of Medicare For All:


Holy crap this week was quite the shit show wasn’t it? In the first slot this week, we’re going to do something a bit different. Two years ago, we lost seventeen brave souls in the Valentine’s Day massacre at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. So have things really changed since the survivors took on the most powerful of lobbies in the country? Yes, but we still have a long way to go. In much lighter, but also stranger news, Trump intervened in the trial of hardcore conspiracy theorist Roger Stone (2), and well, things went to absolute shit, as is par for the course. In the number 3 slot is the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (3) and he went to the Daytona 500 and put on yet another patriotic Americagasm display to end all patriotic displays, and we can’t help but wonder how much the latest America orgy costs. Taking the fourth slot this week, there was a recent audit conducted of Melania Trump’s (4) venerable “Be Best” anti-bullying campaign, and if you guessed that it is having literally the opposite effect, well, you might be right. Taking the 5th slot this week, is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week an alarming study was done on Southwest Airlines and has produced some absolutely shocking safety violations. You might want to consider a road trip for your next vacation. At slot #6 this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week, the Christian right is hell-bent on putting holy warriors on the bench in every state and local government, and our resident pastor is here to tell you why this is an absolutely terrible idea! At slot #7 is a new edition of “Beating A Dead Horse” (7) and we get it, traveling can be a nightmare, but don’t make it worse for the people around you who also happen to be on the same flight, because that sucks. In slot #8, Vince McMahon’s new MAGA friendly football league, the XFL (8) has taken off – to poor attendance and some strange rules, so we are going to ask “The XFL – How Is This Still A Thing?”. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week, in the penultimate installment of our 2020 voters’ guide “Keeping Up With The Candidates” (10), now that Bernie Sanders has taken off as the likely front runner in the race to unseat Donald Trump, he commands an internet army known as the Bernie Bros, and we are going to introduce you to them! And the palate cleanser, we’ve got some live music from the man, the myth, the legend that is the great Iggy Pop! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Remembering The Parkland Tragedy
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Two years ago, an unthinkable tragedy happened when a gunman entered the halls of Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland Florida and opened fire on unsuspecting students, killing 14 students and 3 teenagers. But this one was different, which is why we at the Top 10 are choosing to remember them this year. Rather than sitting down, the students and parents of Parkland instead began organizing serious change. We covered the tragedy in Top 10 #4-7 and Top 10 #4-12. So what has happened since then? A hell of a lot can happen in two years.

Exactly two years ago Friday, a gunman entered Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida and killed 17 students and teachers. Another 17 people were injured in the mass shooting.

On Friday, the Parkland community will mark the tragic anniversary of the shooting with a series of events at nearby Pine Trails Park, according to the South Florida Sun Sentinel.

Among the events that will take place is a moment of silence, which will occur at 2:21 p.m. ET — the moment the attack began. A commemoration ceremony will take place later that evening in the park at 5 p.m. ET.

In the years that have passed, the community still continues to grapple with the tragedy. Last year, two Parkland survivors reportedly died by suicide in the weeks following the one-year anniversary of the tragedy.

No, see, that’s the kind of humor that will not be used in this segment. See, we at the Top 10 have a long standing policy of not making fun of tragedy so we won’t try. And let’s recap – in the 2 years, David Hogg became an internet celebrity (and was doxed and threatened with murder), Infowars became a dumpster fire, Fred Guttenberg became an anti-gun lobbyist, and the March For Our Lives organization started. Oh, and also, NRATV got cancelled.

NRATV, the most provocative arm of the National Rifle Association, a group that is all too happy to provoke, is no more, the gun-rights organization announced in a message to supporters Wednesday. Prior to the mother ship pulling the plug, NRATV broadcast from studios in Uptown.

“Many members expressed concern about the messaging on NRATV becoming too far removed from our core mission: defending the Second Amendment,” NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre wrote in the message, which was first obtained by The New York Times. “So, after careful consideration, I am announcing that starting today, we are undergoing a significant change in our communications strategy. We are no longer airing ‘live TV’ programming.”

The NRA's decision means that the online TV network's talent, which was represented by the Ackerman McQueen advertising firm, is out of a job.

And that's too bad, really.
Without the likes of Dana Loesch, the NRA's fiery, and now jobless, spokeswoman and the rest of the NRATV crew, where will we get scorching-hot content like Thomas & Friends in Klan hoods, threatening CNN's Don Lemon by making really bad lemonade and smashing a TV to own the libs?

Yup, and I love that the NRATV got shut down because it strayed far away from the 2nd amendment message. Gee, ya think? But we still have a long way to go in the fight for gun safety, and it sucks, and people like Mitch McConnell aren’t helping. So who is? Well take groups like Moms Demand Action, for instance, who are actually trying to change gun policy.

A few days after the shooting, Chapman, her daughters, and one of her aunts went to a meeting of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. Listening to the stories of the hundreds of people who attended the meeting and seeing her own daughters' grief lit a fire under her.

"As a mother, it is the worst feeling in the world to watch your kids struggle," Chapman says. "And I didn't know how to fight it. I think that's the hardest part as a parent. When they're little and they get a boo-boo, you put a Band-Aid on it, kiss it, and make it better. I can't do that for this."

Like many crusading Parkland parents and activists, Chapman found purpose in prevention. She became the group leader of the Parkland chapter of Moms Demand to advocate for gun safety in her community, in Tallahassee, and in Washington, D.C.

Chapman's family owns guns. She says the shooting made her take a step back and think about the various issues surrounding firearm safety.

"We believe in the Second Amendment," she says. "I also know there are people out there who have no business owning a gun. Our shooter was mentally unstable and angry. He was young, and he had a gun. Police were called to his house dozens of times. He's the epitome of everything we're trying to prevent."

Now we aren’t cancelling Moms Demand Action. And in doing my research for this entry, did you know that the NRA had it’s own insurance agency? And that it repeatedly deceived members? I’m shocked! Of course that kind of thing could easily lead to what we’ve seen in Parkland and elsewhere in the last few years. But in case you’re wondering, no, 2 years later, we’re not safer. Just take a look at Top 10 #7-11, where we covered a high school in Michigan that was being developed with mass shootings in mind. Or Top 10 #4-19 where Texas Lt. Gov Dan Patrick suggested that schools have too many exits. But the good news is, some strides are being made!

Friday marks the two-year anniversary of the deadly shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, and a powerful new documentary called "After Parkland" will soon be streaming on Hulu after appearing in theaters for one day Wednesday.

There's cell phone video from that day, with a terrified student, David Hogg, speaking as the shots were being fired.

"I heard gun," he says. "I heard one gunshot. We thought it was a drill initially, but it's not."

The small community of Parkland was changed forever.

"My daughter was Meadow Jade Pollack, and she meant the world to me," dad Andrew Pollack says And she's not here anymore. She was murdered on Valentine's Day over at the school."

In the wake of the tragedy came a steady drumbeat for change.

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[font size="8"]Roger Stone
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George Carlin had a now famous bit on his 2005 special “Life Is Worth Losing” about how rich millionaires and billionaires are all part of a big club and we’re not in it. Can you believe that special is now 15 years old? That’s insane! Well, of course George passed away 12 years ago and he didn’t get to live out the shit show that we’re watching with the Donald J. Trump administration. Because he is making members of the Big Club easier to identify. Unfortunately we won’t be able to get to his pardons and commutes this week, we will have to wait this week. But the shit show that happened with Roger Stone this week was something to behold.

Roger Stone on Friday appears to have asked again for a new trial, according to his court case's docket and an update from the judge.

Federal Judge Amy Berman Jackson acknowledged that the former adviser to President Donald Trump has asked again for a new trial, and the Justice Department has yet to respond to the request. More details about his request aren't yet available and related court filings are still under seal.

Previously, Jackson refused to grant Stone a new trial following his assertion that an IRS lawyer who read about his case couldn't be an unbiased juror.

Since then, Stone's team has taken issue with his jury's foreperson stating publicly she supported the four prosecutors who recommended a seven to nine year sentence for him, and then quit the case when the Justice Department downgraded that ask.

If you're found guilty once, shame on you. If you're found guilty twice, shame on you. If you're found guilty three times, you might be a con manworking for Donald Trump. I'm just saying that it goes with the territory! So what can we expect from Trump’s fixer Bill Barr intervening in the Roger Stone sentencing? Well, he attempted to get the sentence commuted or even thrown out altogether, and failed miserably.

The four lawyers who prosecuted Roger Stone quit the case Tuesday after the Justice Department overruled them and said it would take the extraordinary step of lowering the amount of prison time it would seek for President Donald Trump’s longtime ally and confidant.

The resignations raised immediate questions over whether Trump, who earlier in the day had blasted the original sentencing recommendation as “very horrible and unfair,” had at least indirectly exerted his will on a Justice Department that he often views as an arm of the White House.

The department said the decision to shorten the sentencing recommendation was made Monday night — before Trump’s tweet — and prosecutors had not spoken to the White House about it. Even so, the resignations of the entire trial team broke open a simmering dispute over the punishment of a Trump ally whose case has long captured the president’s attention. The episode was the latest to entangle the Justice Department, meant to operate free from White House sway in criminal investigations and prosecutions, in presidential politics.

The four attorneys, including two who were early members of special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia team, comprised the entire Justice Department trial team that won convictions against Stone last fall.

Yes, abandon ship!!! Now when a trial this prolific of a guy this insane happens, something that goes all the way to Trump himself, how are we supposed to take this? Do we take it sitting down or do we take to the streets like Bluto from Animal House? Actually this is more like Romancing The Stone. Or even better. Bromancing The Stone. Adding the “B” totally ruins it doesn’t it? Well, like everything Trump does, it’s dividing people straight down the middle. As if we need further division. Like Trump needs another mob attorney getting involved.

With his sentencing fast approaching, Roger Stone is bolstering his defense team with a veteran criminal defense attorney whose past roster of clients included John Gotti Jr. and other high-profile figures allegedly involved in organized crime.

New York attorney Seth Ginsberg has an extensive background in criminal defense work. In a filing this week, Judge Amy Berman Jackson granted Stone's request to bring Ginsberg onto his team.

"Roger has an excellent team of attorneys and I'm very pleased he's asked me to assist them," Ginsberg told ABC News on Thursday. Ginsberg added that he was brought on to help Stone's legal team with their sentencing strategy.

Ginsberg has had a colorful career inside and outside the courthouse. At one point, in 2010, he was banned from a Manhattan federal detention center after he was caught walking in with marijuana in his bag while on his way to visit an alleged associate of the Gambino crime family.

Forget it he’s rolling. I can’t wait for the Animal House style end credits scene of this administration when they start telling where everyone is. Roger Stone – buried under 1,000 pounds of tin foil. Trump – in jail. Pence – his cell mate. Stephen Miller – married 2020. Divorced 2021. See what I did there? Well there is some good news – at least for now we can rest easy knowing that Roger Stone is still going to prison! So yes, Trump, crime does not pay!

The federal judge in the Roger Stone case said Tuesday she willl sentence the Republican operative for multiple crimes as scheduled Thursday — but will delay imposing the terms of punishment on the longtime friend of President Donald Trump pending resolution of his request for a new trial.

Judge Amy Berman Jackson said during a conference call with Stone’s lawyers and prosecutors that she thought “delaying the sentence would not be a prudent thing.”

Stone’s lawyers last week filed a motion seeking a new trial on the heels of disclosures that the jury forewoman in Stone’s trial had a history of anti-Trump social media posts.

A court filing Tuesday indicates that Stone’s lawyers in that sealed motion are “alleging juror misconduct.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Did anything happen on Sunday? I know there was a the NBA All Star Game. There was also a PGA Masters qualifier. I did see the LA Wildcats home opener. And there was also a new episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that was hilarious. I feel like I’m forgetting something. Oh yeah, this Sunday was also the Daytona 500 in which Trump attended the event and in typical Donald J. Trump fashion, he held a patriotic Americagasm spectacular and turned it into of course a MAGA rally. And is it me or did Melania look very tense standing next to him? That aside, the spectacle was just that – it was a spectacle and we’re not sure if it was a spectacular one or not. I’d say not.

President Trump took to the track to open the Daytona 500 race Sunday.

Trump arrived at the Daytona 500 on Sunday afternoon with his full motorcade on the speedway. He made about a quarter of a lap before pulling aside.

"My fellow race fans, the Daytona 500 is a legendary display," he said after emerging to applause from the crowd.

Trump thanked the "tens of thousands of patriots" gathered at the Daytona International Speedway for the race, which he called "pure American glory."

The president told the crowd that no matter who wins, "what matters most is God, family and country."

Trump was met at the airport by NASCAR officials.

I love that movie. Now here’s where it gets weird – because it’s Trump, of course you knew it was going to happen. Way back in 2004, George Bush was the first president to attend the Daytona 500. And if you know how to use Google maps or look at a certain website that posts airplane photos, you know that Daytona Speedway is literally adjacent to the runways of Daytona International Airport, which produces some ridiculous shots, and we got this famous shot. Can we show that?

That’s Air Force One landing behind some temporary bleachers at the Daytona 500. Now if I didn’t tell you that was from 2004, you wouldn’t know it because Trump once again got caught lying with his pants down.

President Donald Trump's campaign manager deleted a tweet featuring a dramatic photo of Air Force One at the Daytona 500 after users pointed out that the shot was from President George W. Bush's visit to the NASCAR race in 2004, not from Trump's visit on Sunday.

Brad Parscale tweeted the 2004 photo, which shows Air Force One rising above packed stands at the Daytona International Speedway in Florida, and wrote, .@realDonaldTrump won the #Daytona500 before the race even started.

The tweet stayed online for about three hours, drawing at least 6,700 retweets and 23,000 likes before it was deleted. Users identifying themselves as Trump supporters replied with messages like "Amazing shot wow" and "WOW WHAT A SHOT!!!!!!!!!"
But the photo was taken by photographer Jonathan Ferrey on February 15, 2004, after Bush's visit to the racetrack, as Air Force One took off from the adjacent Daytona Beach International Airport.

"I have a lot of talented colleagues photographing the Daytona 500 this year," Ferrey told CNN. "I am unfortunately not there today, but apparently I won the Daytona 500 photography before the race even started."

Will Ferrell seems like the kind of guy who would go the extra lengths for comedy by sticking a knife in his leg. But that wasn’t the only high profile event that Trump attended on Sunday. He quickly high tailed it out of the Daytona 500 and headed to… the wedding of his White House policy advisor Stephen Miller. Yes, someone agreed to marry that guy. It’s truly mind blowing isn’t it? And think about the cute little Hitler Youth they will create. Yes, I saw Jojo Rabbit. And for reasons unknown it was held at a Trump International hotel. Hold your boos. Also, hold your booze.

President Trump on Sunday attended the wedding of senior adviser Stephen Miller at the president's hotel in Washington, D.C., according to the White House.

“The President is at Trump International Hotel for the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Miller,” a statement sent to reporters read.

The president had been in Florida earlier on Sunday to attend NASCAR’s 62nd Dayton 500, which was ultimately postponed until Monday due to inclement weather.

He returned to Washington, D.C., shortly after 6 p.m., according to pool reports.

According to reports, Miller is getting married to Katie Waldman, who formerly served as spokeswoman for the Department of Homeland Security before Vice President Pence hired her as his press secretary in September.

One can only imagine that’s how Stephen Miller, author of the White House border policy, how he was wheeled into the wedding. And I assume that when they removed his straight jacket and mask, it only got more awkward from there. Oh and by the way if you wonder what kind of family dynamic Stephen Miller has, let’s pause and reflect for a moment that this is one of the things he got as a wedding gift.

The uncle of Stephen Miller donated to a pro-refugee organization as a wedding gift for the Trump adviser’s marriage to Katie Waldman this past weekend, in a shot at his anti-immigration policies.

Waldman serves as press secretary for Vice President Mike Pence.

Glosser, who is Miller’s maternal uncle, posted a link on Facebook that linked to an “online wedding registry created by comedian Samantha Bee in December,” HuffPost reported.

Glosser wrote on Facebook he would donate as his way to celebrate Miller’s wedding.

The organization of Glosser’s choosing was the refugee advocacy group HIAS, which bills itself as a “Jewish American nonprofit organization that provides humanitarian aid and assistance to refugees.”

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[font size="8"]Melania Trump
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Every first lady has a cause that they take up. Michelle Obama’s was physical fitness, Laura Bush’s was history education, Hillary Clinton’s was health care, Barbara Bush’s was promoting literacy, and Nancy Reagan’s was drugs. Now in an unironic twist of fate, Melania Trump’s is cyber bullying. And it’s only ironic because she is married to the biggest cyber bully on the planet! So if you can imagine for a minute that is having a huge effect on the collective psyche of our nation’s children. Now before you scream “Oh won’t somebody please think of the children!!!”, I want you to think about the type of society that having Trump as a president would create. Needless to say, it’s created a nation of dicks.

According to a new Washington Post report, school children have been bullying their classmates by using the exact words that Trump has been using since he became president. This includes harassment of Muslim students, harassment of Hispanic students, and far too many other instances. The country is failing its children by allowing someone like Trump to be the role model for a generation, as Ring of Fire’s Farron Cousins explains.

Melania Trump’s project is her Be Best campaign, which is basically to go out there and tell kids, do not bully one another at school. Do not bully one another online, don’t be a bully. It’s a great message that really she’s doing a horrible job conveying out there because according to a new report by the Washington Post, instances of bullying in schools across the country are increasing and the bullies themselves are increasingly using language borrowed from Donald Trump or directly invoking his name in their attacks on other students. I have to read this paragraph from this Washington Post report. This is, this is amazing. It said two kindergarteners in Utah, two kindergarteners in Utah, told Latino boy that president Trump would send him back to Mexico. Teenagers in Maine sneered ban Muslims at a Muslim classmate. In Tennessee, a group of middle-schoolers, linked arms imitating the president’s proposed border wall as they refused to let non-white students pass. In Ohio, another group of middle-schoolers surrounded a mixed-race sixth grader and as she confided to her mother, told the girl, this is Trump country. And those are just a few examples out of the more than 300 that the Washington Post was able to identify of instances of bullying where the bullies, some as young as six years old invoked Donald Trump’s language or his name.

Now this sort of thing is nothing new. In fact we reported this way back in Idiots #3-1 back in 2017. The only difference is that now the bullies have become self aware, like some really fucked up version of the T-1000 where instead of just simply killing you, Skynet kills you and then calls you a “big stupid fuckface libtard cuck” while you’re dying at the hands of a T-8000 and lying on the ground. In fact, Trump is helping America turn nastier.

Trump's words, those chanted by his followers at campaign rallies and even his last name have been wielded by students and school staff members to harass children more than 300 times since the start of 2016, a Washington Post review of 28,000 news stories found. At least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim, according to the analysis. Students have also been victimized because they support the president - more than 45 times during the same period.

Although many hateful episodes garnered coverage just after the election, The Post found that Trump-connected persecution of children has never stopped. Even without the huge total from November 2016, an average of nearly two incidents per school week have been publicly reported over the past four years. Still, because so much of the bullying never appears in the news, The Post's figure represents a small fraction of the actual total. It also doesn't include the thousands of slurs, swastikas and racial epithets that aren't directly linked to Trump but that the president's detractors argue his behavior has exacerbated.

"It's gotten way worse since Trump got elected," said Ashanty Bonilla, 17, a Mexican American high school junior in Idaho who faced so much ridicule from classmates last year that she transferred. "They hear it. They think it's OK. The president says it. . . . Why can't they?"

Asked about Trump's effect on student behavior, White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham noted that first lady Melania Trump - whose "Be Best" campaign denounces online harassment - had encouraged kids worldwide to treat one another with respect.

Sure, it’s funnier when Bart Simpson does it. It’s a lot less funny when Trump does it. Really, how can you run an anti-bullying campaign when the President of the United States does it on an hourly basis and doesn’t make it any easier? There hasn’t just been one incident since the 2016 election, there’s been thousands. This is a major problem and it’s not going away any time soon.

President Donald Trump sees his rhetoric as a political advantage with no downsides, but a Washington Post report suggests it is having a poisonous effect among children and within schools since Trump’s rise as a candidate, and now as president.

The paper’s analysis of 28,000 news stories found that Trump’s insults and attacks have been used by students and school staff to harass and intimidate children and young teens more than 300 times since the beginning of 2016.

“At least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim,” the Post reported, with half targeting Latinos. Some students were also targeted because they support Trump — more than 45 times.

One of the most despicable attacks happened after a 13-year-old in New Jersey told a Mexican-American 12-year-old that “all Mexicans should go back behind the wall.”

The next day on June 19, 2019, the young teen assaulted the boy and his mother, Beronica Ruiz, punching him and beating her unconscious, according to the family’s attorney.

I really wonder if Nelson Muntz is a Trump supporter? Ah who am I kidding? Of course he probably is, Trump attracts this type of person. But really, what this does is that it says way more about the parents and what they listen to and the effects that it’s having on their kids. Why don’t kids listen to more rock music? That would have a much different effect than listening to Trump’s shit all the time. Jimi Hendrix at least was part of a movement that preached love and peace. Trump on the other hand literally preaches the exact opposite of that.

President Donald Trump's often harsh rhetoric about immigrants has increased bullying based on race or ethnicity in local schools across the country, according to a report by The Washington Post.

The Post's analysis found that of 28,000 news stories mentioning Trump since 2016, "Trump's words, those chanted by his followers at campaign rallies and even his last name have been wielded by students and school staff members to harass children more than 300 times." The report said "at least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim."

The story cites multiple incidents of biased-based bullying, including one in which a 12-year-old Mexican American boy who was told by a classmate "all Mexicans should go back behind the wall." The next day, the 13-year-old who hurled the taunt beat up the boy and his mother, who was knocked unconscious, according to the family's attorney, Daniel Santiago, who wondered to what extent Trump'swords emboldened the teen to bully.

"When the president goes on TV and is saying things like Mexicans are rapists, Mexicans are criminals — these children don't have the cognitive ability to say, 'He's just playing the role of a politician,' " Santiago told The Post. "The language that he's using matters."

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Southwest Safety Audit
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Air travel has been in the news a lot this last few weeks, whether it’s related to the super virus out of Wuhan, China, or whether or not someone is punching the back of your seat. But this is one headline that you probably don’t want your flight to be a part of. Due to some errors, someone did something, and some FAA oversight regulations, Southwest Airlines has taken some heat lately for some absolutely egregious safety violations. Southwest is the largest domestic carrier in the country. But after these violations, you might want to consider taking a road trip for your next vacation. If at all possible. So what is in the latest FAA report? A whole lot of absolutely shocking allegations.

Regulators failed to hold Southwest Airlines to account for not meeting safety standards, putting as many as 17 million passengers at risk on tens of thousands of flights, a federal watchdog said in a report on Tuesday.

The report found that the Federal Aviation Administration had allowed Southwest to routinely provide inaccurate data to pilots and to operate more than 150,000 flights on planes whose airworthiness had not been confirmed.

The agency also failed to investigate concerns raised by its own representatives “ranging from senior executives to local inspectors” over Southwest’s safety culture, according to the report, issued by the inspector general’s office at the Transportation Department.

It cited accusations from F.A.A. officials that Southwest used “diversion, distraction and power” to get what it wanted and would regularly bypass local officials by going straight to F.A.A. headquarters. The investigation was prompted by a hotline complaint and an engine explosion on a Southwest flight in April 2018 that was responsible for the first death on a U.S. airline in nine years.

So like a certain president who we will not mention, Southwest used power and distraction to get around FAA regulations. So just what did they get around? Well one of the most egregious violations is that Southwest has lied repeatedly about the overall weight of its’ aircraft. Yes, that’s something that you don’t lie to the FAA about under any circumstances. Just watch a recent episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm about this very subject.

In January 2018, the FAA learned Southwest was providing inaccurate aircraft weight information to its pilots, the OIG report said.

Having correct weight information is critical to flight crews as they operate aircraft. The information helps determine a number of things, such as how many people and how much fuel can be carried and where cargo should be located in the aircraft.

The discrepancies stemmed from Southwest's method of hand-counting bags and relaying that information to the gate agent who would input the information into a computer system, the report said. The OIG found errors both in counting and the data entry by Southwest employees.

Because the FAA did not ensure Southwest fulfilled its requirements to fix the issue, "these discrepancies have continued for nearly two years," the report said. OIG found between March 2018 and July 2019 there were 4,000 instances of errors of 300 pounds or more.

Well repeatedly lying about information has got Southwest in a lot of trouble with the FAA, but what about their own employees? One group that you should never piss off under any circumstance is the mechanics. And that doesn’t matter if they’re working on something like an air conditioner, your car, or even the plane that you’re flying on that day. Which it appears that Southwest did. And that is what one would say is no Bueno.

The unions representing mechanics and pilots at Southwest Airlines say they aren’t surprised by the conclusions of a federal report released this week that criticized the airline’s safety culture and government oversight of the carrier.

Bret Oestreich, a Southwest mechanic who leads the Aircraft Mechanics Fraternal Association union and its 2,700 members, said the safety culture at Southwest Airlines has deteriorated and workers are often penalized for reporting problems with planes.

“There is a pressure to balance profit and safety,” Oestreich said.

The criticism comes two days after the Department of Transportation’s Office of Inspector General released the conclusion of a two-year investigation into Southwest’s relationship with the Federal Aviation Administration. It found, among other things, that “FAA representatives—ranging from senior executives to local inspectors— expressed concerns about the safety culture at Southwest Airlines” and the FAA had “not effectively overseen Southwest Airlines’ systems for managing safety risks.”

Southwest denied the allegations and said, “Southwest maintains a culture of compliance, recognizing the safety of our operation as the most important thing we do.”

The FAA recently proposed a $3.92 million fine on Southwest for the inaccurate weight calculations.

But if Southwest has anything, it has a lot of explaining to do. And on top of that, some major damage control to do. The biggest question is what routes were affected and who knows about it? What can be done to prevent this and what airlines could possibly be involved? Well one thing is clear, if your future travel plans include the tropical paradise that is Hawaii, don’t use Southwest for your inter-island travel because it could be a big risk.

With the arrival of a budget carrier Southwest Airlines in Hawaii, tourism may have changed forever for the Aloha State. With thousands of additional arrivals in Hawaii on a daily basis, airfares dropped, making the destination more affordable for many. At the same time mass tourism in Hawaii created a visible threat of over-tourism for the islands.

Overtourism started a discussion to outlaw AIRBNB to avoid more increases in rent and the homeless emergency in the State.

Many long year residents are leaving the State in response to over-tourism.

On February 7, 2019, eTurboNews asked if it was safe for Southwest Airlines to fly from the US Mainland to Hawaii on a Boeing 737-800 aircraft.

In order to fly long distances over the Pacific, Southwest Airlines needed to obtain an ETOPS certification on a 2-engine aircraft.

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Ann Arbor! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! Thanks to the unholy, ungodly Dark One, creator of all things bad and evil, who is currently sitting in the White House, our brothers and sisters on the religious right have seen a sort of spiritual revival. They are motivated, they are energized to do the good LAWRD’s work. But are they really? They are so steeped in their own hatred and propaganda that they can no longer tell truth from reality. That’s why they worship the unholy Dark One, whose name shall *NOT* be spoken in my church, thank you very much! But before we get into the meat of this week’s sermon, are these the people who you really want in charge of the judiciary?

Paula White, a prosperity gospel minister who serves as President Donald Trump’s “spiritual adviser,” apparently believes her followers should live in the dark to help keep the lights on at her church.

A lengthy report on White by Mother Jones reveals that the Trump-loving preacher recently told followers at her Supernatural Ministry School in Miami that they could secure God’s favor by sending her church as much money as possible — even if that meant skipping their monthly electric bills.

In particular, White said that followers who send their money to Florida Power and Light (FPL) every month instead of giving it to her church are treating the electric company better than they treat God.

“Instead of writing [that check] to the house of God as I’m instructed to, then what I’m saying spiritually is, ‘FPL, I have now established a spiritual law that put you first,'” White explained to her flock. “So, FPL, save my family, FPL, deliver my drug addicted son. FPL, kill this cancer that doctors say is in my body.”

Well if you think that sending your paycheck to her instead of paying off your crucial bills is wrong, I present to you – what’s behind door #2! Again, something that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would *NOT* approve of! Can I get an amen??? I mean this is a Twitter poll here, they’re useless. And of course, with the way social media is, you just know that a thread like this is going to backfire on them. And boy did it backfire on them!

A group ostensibly representing Christian lawmakers launched a poll on Twitter over the weekend asking if America would be better off with more Christians in elected office.

After more than 16,000 replies, the answer was an overwhelming “no,” which received 95.8% of the vote. In response, the group accused “atheists and Satanists” of “religious persecution” for voting in the poll.

Congress is overwhelmingly Christian, far out of proportion with the people they represent. According to a Pew survey last year, the Senate and House are nearly 90% Christian, compared with 65% of America as a whole.

One in four Americans now considers themselves atheist, agnostic or “nothing in particular,” a position publicly held by just one member of the current Congress, Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D-Ariz.), who lists her religion as “none.” Rep. Jared Huffman (D-Calif.) describes himself as a humanist, while a handful of others haven’t acknowledged a faith or lack thereof.

The National Association of Christian Lawmakers was started last year by Arkansas State Sen. Jason Rapert (R), who warned about the rise of witches in a recruitment email. It’s not clear how many members the group has, but its board of advisers includes a number of current and former elected officials, including former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee.

That is true, oh angel! Now so you have Paula White who can’t stop grifting, and you have Christian lawmakers who can’t handle any sort of online humor. So make no mistake – when super far right Christians say “religious freedom”, what they really mean is “religious discrimination for everyone but straight, white, Christian males”. What are they after? Well, their prize is the courts. Which is why they will put up with any boorish rube as long as he gives them what they want! That is not what JAYSUS had intended, is it?

Last Thursday, Jan. 16, was Religious Freedom Day. As befits his mendacious nature, Donald Trump "honored" it by promoting two policies profoundly at odds with the original meaning of what religious freedom is all about: a license to discriminate with federal funds, both in employment and in provision of services, and new pressure on public schools to allow student prayer and religious use of school facilities.

The actual substance of the second policy was vastly over-hyped, noted Amanda Tyler, executive director of the Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty. Religion had never been banned from education by the Supreme Court in the 1960s, she pointed out — only "mandatory Bible readings and prayers written by the government. It should not be controversial to oppose government-dictated religious practice." But that's clearly the direction Trump was signaling toward, and the public pressure of presidential posturing has real-life consequences, regardless of written laws and regulations.

Trump's actions drew swift condemnation from Americans United for Separation of Church and State, and the Center for Inquiry, among others. As CFI noted:

This amounts to a religious litmus tests to access public services. Welcome to "Handmaid's Tale" America.

But this was no surprise, given Trump's dependence on Christian nationalist support, and the fact that he's touted their line before, as I noted last year at this time. As Americans United president Rachel Laser said to Salon, "The Trump administration's constant entanglement of church and state should make our founders turn over in their graves."

But just remember, we’re not the ones trying to tell you how to think and who to vote for. We might be the only non political church in the whole country! Then again, that’s a mighty big “might”. And by the way, give it up for our house band, how great are they? Anyway, back on topic, you know what it is they really want? They want to bring about the end of days! Yes, rather than helping their fellow man, which would bring about HAYVAN, they would rather see the world burn! Because, Jesus.

The Christian Right loves President Donald Trump for a variety of reasons, from his racist rhetoric and anti-immigrant views to all the far-right judges he has added to the federal courts. But journalist Stephanie Mencimer, this week in an article for Mother Jones, focuses on one of their most disturbing reasons for being so pro-Trump: an obsession with the End Times.

In Protestant Christianity, one finds both fundamentalists and non-fundamentalists. Mainline Protestants (Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Lutherans, the African Methodist Episcopal or AME Church) study the Bible intensely, but they don't have the obsession with the End Times and the New Testament's Book of Revelation that the fundamentalist Christian Right has. And even though Trump himself is not a fundamentalist (he was raised Presbyterian), he is more than happy to pander to far-right white evangelicals — who, as Mencimer explains in her article, believe that Trump is important to the end of the world. The Christian Right welcomes the End Times because as they see it, Jesus Christ will return to Earth in the last days.

Mencimer, in her article, quotes religious historian Diane Butler Bass, who offers some insights on why the Christian Right believe Trump could play an important role in the End Times — and why the Christian Right has been applauding the killing of Iranian military commander Qasem Soleimani. Bass told Mother Jones, "When Iran gets into the news, especially with anything to do with war, it's sort of a prophetic dog whistle to evangelicals. They will support anything that seems to edge the world towards this conflagration. They don't necessarily want violence, but they're eager for Christ to return — and they think that this war with Iran and Israel has to happen for their larger hope to pass."

According to Mencimer, Trump "has surrounded himself with people who hail from the fringes of the evangelical community that is steeped in the language of biblical prophecy, and his administration regularly reflects that language back to them in its messaging."

Yeah because he’s doing such a bangup job isn’t he? They need our JAYSUS because he really is a miracle worker! Whatever they’re doing is not working if they want to burn it all down and appoint judges that will help bring it about! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Seats On The Airplane
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Look, nobody gets it more than we do that traveling can be an absolute nightmare. Especially when you have to charter for a traveling comedy show like ours. And we don’t exactly have the money that a professional sports team or rock band does. But the cardinal rule of traveling is also the same cardinal rule of social media: don’t be a douche. And if you are a douche, you should be aware that everyone on the plane has a cell phone. And those cell phones have cameras. And you can see where I am going with this. Thanks to in flight wifi, those phones are capable of posting video of you being a douche on social media. That’s where this latest video comes in. But no matter which side you fall on the fence on this argument, you can’t help but wonder if the airlines bring this on or not.

The flight was supposed to last less than two hours, quick and painless. Instead, it turned into what one passenger described as a painful assault -- and a lightning rod for what constitutes proper airline etiquette.

Wendi Williams, who describes herself as a teacher in Virginia Beach, tweeted about the experience on an American Airlines flight in January.

In footage she shared on Twitter, which has been shared widely and viewed hundreds of thousands of times online, the man seated behind her repeatedly pushed the back of her seat with his fist. She says before she started filming, he was actually forcefully punching her seat.

Why? Because she reclined it.

The man's actions -- and Williams' decision to recline the seat into a row with no ability to do the same -- has sparked a heated conversation about etiquette at 30,000 feet.
How it happened

Williams was flying from a teacher's convention in New Orleans to a connection in Charlotte, North Carolina, she wrote on Twitter. The footage appears to show she was seated in the second-to-last row in the cabin.

Damn it, I specifically requested not to be seated next to Stewie! But here’s the thing – do we really need to get the actual airlines involved in this one? It really is their fault that we’re crammed like sardines on a plane traveling from Dallas to Boca Raton to visit Nana and Pop Pop. Well maybe that’s not all travel but we’re using it for this scenario. And this is where a circular firing squad turns absolutely ridiculous.

Delta Air Lines CEO Ed Bastian apparently errs on the side of caution.

Or, at the very least, he believes in etiquette and common sense when it comes to reclining seats on airplanes.

The great debate reared its ugly head again this week when a video went viral of an American Airlines passenger who claimed she was assaulted by a man sitting behind her when she reclined her seat.

The man repeatedly punched the back of her seat in retaliation, and the Twitterverse seemed split over who was at fault.

Enter Bastian.

Appearing on CNBC's "Squawk Box" Friday morning to tout Delta's plans to invest $1 billion to go carbon neutral, Bastian instead drew more response for his take on the reclining seat dilemma.

And maybe that’s why you don’t fly in vehicles designed by Peter Griffin. Although people, here’s the thing, yeah this guy was a douche. Yeah this woman totally blew this out of proportion. And yes, this sparked a debate that’s really been going on since the invention of the airplane. Sure you could ask the person in the row behind you if it’s OK to recline. But I know airline passengers, they are not like that at all! But you know one thing you should never do? Sue. That’s right, this insane debate is being turned into a legal matter! Because, money.

An American Airlines passenger is preparing to sue the company for allegedly slandering her over a viral seat reclining incident.

Per TMZ, Wendi Williams met with her attorneys to discuss a possible defamation lawsuit against American Airlines. Williams claims that the story the airlines released regarding a disagreement over her reclined seat is false.

Earlier this week, Williams claims that she was assaulted by another passenger because he was repeatedly hitting the back of her reclined seat. She uploaded a video of the man punching her headrest to social media and it went viral. Although she contacted American Airlines and the company apologized to her, Williams wants the man to be prosecuted.

In response, the airlines tried to explain the chain of events that happened before the video was taken. A rep told TMZ that Williams reclined her seat, causing the man to spill his drink. This prompted the flight attendant to replace his beverage in hopes to defuse the situation. That didn't seem to calm either party as the man continued to punch the back of her seat and Williams insisted he was getting preferential treatment by receiving a new drink.

American Airlines' description of the situation didn't sit well with Williams. She claims that she didn't knock over his drink, but even if she did, it would've been an accident and not that big of a deal. As a result, she's contemplating suing the company and demanding that American Airlines pay for her medical bills as the punching could have damaged her vertebrae.

But here’s the thing – these days airlines are trying to cram as many flights on a plane as possible because, profit. And also greed, but mainly profit. But when it comes to economy class, let’s face it, we’re screwed. If you think the guy punching you in the back of the seat is bad, well, just wait until they can punch you right to your face! Yes, this is one of many insane designs being touted by airplane manufacturers, because if there’s one thing we need, it’s the ability to rotate our seats!

A design team has submitted an idea, which they think will change the way we fly forever.

The 'Flex Economy' style design, concocted by the Heinkel Group, has been entered into to the Crystal Cabin Award 2020.

Imagine jumping on a 14-hour flight from Sydney to Los Angeles and you end up in one of these configurations.

Doing long-haul flights can be painful when all you have to look at is the back of a chair; but imagine the only entertainment being the face of someone sitting eerily close to you.

Admittedly, the Heinkel Group had families and groups of friends in mind when creating the design. However, you could end up as the fourth wheel to a family of three if this was ever adopted by an airline.

The company posted their idea to Facebook, writing: "Heinkel Group presents the Flex Lounge, a new concept to have a flexible configuration for seat rows in the Economy Class for the Long Haul Flights.

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[font size="8"]The XFL: How Is This Still A Thing?
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It’s time once again to ask:

This week – the XFL: How is this still a thing? Way back in 2018, Vince McMahon, the chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced that he was bringing back his once-failed NFL rival, the XFL. And this time around it was going to have a more conservative, MAGA friendly approach after the Colin Kaepernick circular firing squad ensued. But let’s focus on one team first: The Los Angeles Wildcats who in their first week, got stomped. Which meant that for their home opener, nobody showed up. Yes, they have abysmal attendance ratings and a poor quarterback to blame for why the team is currently in last place.

It looks like the Los Angeles Chargers aren’t the only pro football team struggling to put butts in seats. Check out the scene before the XFL's Los Angeles Wildcats hosted the Dallas Renegades Sunday at Dignity Health Sports Park.

While those were images and video from before the game began, the scene wasn’t too much better at kickoff, with well over half of the seats at the small stadium still empty.

It’s not the first XFL game to feature a less-than-packed house, either. Early television ratings were strong, however, and one wonders if the rising ticket prices in Week 2 had something to do with the scene in Los Angeles.

Yes, the X is for Xtreme! So the Los Angeles Chargers and the LA Rams are struggling to get fans to attend games, but then come the Wildcats of the XFL and say “hold my beer”! Well, despite the extremely poor attendance, makes things even worse when the Wildcats fired their defensive coordinator literally after the first game. Guess you could say that things are going well for that particular team?

The XFL's Los Angeles Wildcats made a series of unusual moves Monday, two days after losing their first game in the league's inaugural season.

The Wildcats fired defensive coordinator Pepper Johnson in a decision that head coach Winston Moss called "difficult."

Meanwhile, linebacker and team captain Anthony Johnson tweeted that he is now a "free agent."

The Wildcats confirmed Pepper Johnson's firing in a statement from Moss.

"We recognize that there are issues we need to address for the 2020 season," Moss said. "While these decisions are difficult, we have given this significant thought. We are here to put the best possible product on the field for our fans. We thank Pepper for his contributions to the Wildcats and we are looking forward to our home opener this weekend."

You could say that the LA Wildcats are a dumpster fire of an organization, but that’s the least of this league’s problems. So what is the XFL and why do we need it? There’s plenty of professional and semi-professional leagues around the globe. But this one is gaining the most attention and it has very few teams and even fewer people willing to go see games, especially with its’ pro conservative, MAGA friendly bias. Seriously, even the patron saint of quarterbacks, Tim Tebow, turned down an invitation to the league.

Tim Tebow confirmed Sunday that he declined an invitation to play in the XFL to continue his pursuit of a Major League Baseball career.

“Yeah, there was some communication,” the former Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback at Florida and Mets farmhand told reporters with a chuckle as he reported to the team’s spring training camp in Port St. Lucie.

“For me, this is what I wanted to do, and pursue this and be all in,” said Tebow, 32, who will be entering his fourth season in professional baseball and has yet to reach the majors.

Tebow’s baseball career hasn’t offered much promise, He owns a career .223/.299/.338 slash line in three full minor-league seasons and hit just .163/.240/.255 in 77 games at the Triple-A level last season.

Had he joined the XFL, Tebow would have unquestionably been the league’s biggest star on notoriety alone. The league, which just completed its second week of play, is lacking in recognizable names.

Well so the league has very poor attendance and teams aren’t exactly getting off to what one would call a great start. In fact, things are going so poorly for the XFL in the first two weeks of games that the stand out star of the first week, Matt McGloin of the New York Guardians, slammed his coaches because well, they didn’t exactly know what they were doing.

The New York Guardians pulled off an upset win in Week 1, but facing what might be the best team in the XFL on the road in Week 2, Matt McGloin and the Guardians offense endured a nightmarish day at Audi Field in DC. The Defenders improved to 2-0 with a 27-0 shutout of the Guardians, and McGloin struggled mightily, with just 44 passing yards and 2 interceptions, good for a rating of 10.1.

McGloin had to do a live sideline interview after throwing his first pick of the day, and things got even more awkward during his halftime interview with ESPN’s Dianna Russini.

McGloin’s performance never improved, though, and he was eventually pulled for backup Marquise Williams after throwing a second interception. In a wild scene you’ll only see in the XFL, McGloin did a third live interview after being benched, and the QB didn’t hold back.

The XFL’s signature sideline interviews add a whole different dimension to the presentation of games – but they also give players an opportunity to potentially alienate coaches or teammates. The Guardians’ trip home to New York on Saturday is going to be a long one.

So calling the XFL a dumpster fire is definitely selling it short. Could it be improved? Yes. Are the between play interviews a good idea? Absolutely not. And are the games expected to improve and draw an audience anytime soon? Well that could happen because the XFL needs fans. Or it could not. But there is one thing you can expect for future games.

In the days since the Houston Roughnecks' XFL opener Saturday, wide receiver Kahlil Lewis has heard from a lot of people about what he did in the game.

No, it wasn't about any of his five catches for 45 yards, including a touchdown, or the 37-17 Roughnecks victory over the Los Angeles Wildcats. Instead, they were contacting him about something that happened in the first quarter.

Three plays into the game, Roughnecks quarterback P.J. Walker threw a 50-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Cam Phillips. Lewis ran down the field to celebrate after chugging a whole bottle of Gatorade, and he was the first player to reach Phillips after he scored.

When Lewis was lining up for the 1-point conversion, he threw up.

So bad quarterbacks, poor attendance, in between play interviews, and on field vomit. That’s enough to make you ask – The XFL:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. So who is dumb this week? I love this segment because there are so many stories of people being stupid. And it could easily be me or you in any one of these situations. Well, the Corona Virus is a thing that exists. While we are not mocking the deaths associated with the Corona Virus, we are mocking the media hysteria surrounding this deadly disease. Don’t get me started on anti-vaxxers, either. But really when media hysteria surrounding the super virus is at an all time high, it resorts to people being, well, stupid. We go to Hong Kong for this story.

Armed robbers in Hong Kong made off with hundreds of toilet rolls worth more than HKD1,000 ($130; £98).

Toilet rolls are currently in short supply in Hong Kong due to shortages caused by panic-buying during the coronavirus outbreak.

Knife wielding men robbed a delivery man outside a supermarket in the Mong Kok district, police said.

Police have arrested two men and recovered some of the stolen loo rolls, local media reports said.

The armed robbery took place in Mong Kok, a district of Hong Kong with a history of "triad" crime gangs, early on Monday.

You literally can’t spare a square if you’re in Hong Kong! Next up – remember the cartoon Popeye, you know the one that inspired one of Robin Williams’ best flicks? And then there was that character who always wanted to pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. Yes, Wimpy, thank you miss! Chicken!!! I love that clip so much. Well, there’s a guy in Albuquerque who took that concept just a little bit too far.

Police arrested Dominic Calderon on Tuesday for solicitation after he allegedly attempted to pay an undercover police officer posing as a prostitute with a hamburger.

KRQE reported that Calderon, a 36-year-old registered sex offender was riding his bicycle on Central Avenue in Albuquerque on the evening of January 28 when he spotted the female officer. He approached her and asked how much it would be for a sexual encounter.

The pair agreed on a price, but Calderon told the officer that he could not pay it because he did not get paid from his job until Friday. He then asked for her phone number so he could enjoy her services later, KRQE reported.

The officer noticed that Calderon was carrying a bag from Chili's, according to The Smoking Gun, and asked him what was inside. He told her that it was a hamburger. At that point, the officer proposed that her fee could be the burger instead of cash.

According to KRQE, Calderon agreed, and was promptly arrested for patronizing a prostitute, which carries a maximum penalty of six months in jail and a $500 fine. The burger was seized and placed into evidence.

I love that so much! Wrong Popeye, there. Next up – we go to the Peach State, that’s of course in Georgia, for this one. So here’s the thing people, learn how to read a map. It’s not that hard! Because while Google maps is great, it doesn’t take into account every single thing that goes on in a given terrain, so when you do use their maps, be sure you know, where the roads are!

A man was rescued early Saturday morning after he fell partially through the ice on the Mississippi River near the Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis.

According to Minneapolis Fire Department spokesman Bryan Tyner, at approximately 3 a.m., crews responded to the area of 550 West River Parkway on a report of a man who fell through the ice.

The man reportedly told authorities that his Google Maps told him to cross the river.

Officials said the man, who is from out of town, was heading back to his hotel.

He was transferred to the hospital with mild hypothermia.

Yes the blue part is the land. Next up – Florida. We can’t ever have a People Are Dumb segment without mentioning America’s most penis-shaped state, the Sunshine State, Florida. And really if you’re threatening to destroy someone, are turtles really your go-to weapon? Do you know how slow a turtle really is? And the larger the turtle, the slower the turtle. Those things do bite though.

BREVARD COUNTY, Fla. – A man yelling obscenities, calling himself a saint and threatening to send his turtle army to destroy everyone has been arrested, according to an affidavit from the Indialantic Police Department.

Officers responded to at least seven calls about disturbances at Starbucks Coffee, Surfanista Café and Sassy Granny’s Smoothies along N. Miramar Avenue.

Thomas Devaney Lane, 61, went with an officer to the police department, where he yelled at the dispatcher in the lobby while pounding on the walls and glass, police said.

Lane then left the department but was later located at a 7-Eleven on Fifth Avenue.

As an officer stood by, Lane called 911 and told the operator, “I need to leave now or you will all be sorry you (expletive) with the saint,” according to the affidavit.

Read more: https://www.clickorlando.com/news/2019/04/12/florida-man-threatens-to-destroy-everyone-with-army-of-turtles-police-say/

Finally this week – sticking in Florida, we have to talk about this unusually weird story out of Palm Beach where this guy needs some serious kidney dialysis. But he has quite the unusual quirk. Yeah he’s bringing a cardboard cutout of Trump to the dialysis sessions. Which of course the dialysis center in question put the kibosh on. So to recap – cardboard cutout, bad. Family, OK. Here’s more!

A Florida man undergoing kidney dialysis three times a week is upset that he is not allowed to bring a life-sized cardboard cutout of Donald Trump to sessions, for emotional support.

Nelson Gibson told a local television station, WPBF, his family cannot sit with him during his three-and-a-half-hour treatments. In their absence, he began bringing a picture of Trump as a comfort item.

“It just feels like bringing something from home to make you comfortable,” Gibson told the West Palm Beach area TV outlet.

Gibson said no one complained.

Next, he started bringing a small cardboard cutout of himself standing next to a photo of Trump.

No one complained, he said, adding that some people even took photos with it.

By the way I don’t know what’s weird – the story or the fact that the Guardian used as a stock photo, a picture of a cardboard cutout of Trump. I have so many questions! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 24: Meet The Bernie Bros
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! It’s where we keep all of the news, information, and issues about all your favorite candidates in one place! In the last couple of weeks, we talked about the Iowa caucus, the colossal shit show that happened at the Iowa caucus, and now it looks like we might have a front runner and that’s Bernie Sanders. Folks, I don’t think I have to tell you that in order to beat @realDonaldTrump in the general election, you need an army. An army of trolls. And you need the trolliest bunch of trolls that ever trolled. Of all of the 100+ candidates that have thrown their hat into the ring, only one candidate has that army. That man is Bernie Sanders. His trolls can handily take on the MAGAS. How you might ask? Well there’s plenty of ways.

Purity tests are their lifeblood, even ones their own candidate of choice wouldn’t pass. Perhaps most concerning, they seek to destroy fellow liberals who deviate from their orthodoxy.

Policy-oriented discussions about the advantages and disadvantages of “Medicare for all” versus ObamaCare are impossible. Don’t think billionaires are all bad? Unacceptable. Think there are some wars worth fighting? You’re a neocon in liberal clothing (clothing that probably costs too much, by the way). Concerned about the feasibility of implementing the Green New Deal? You’re just as bad as the Republicans.

Their unbridled aggression is well documented. I wrote recently about prominent Sanders surrogate Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.) leading a crowd in booing the mention of Hillary Clinton in Iowa just a few weeks ago. And on New Hampshire primary night at Sanders’s headquarters, Sanders supporters loudly booed when former South Bend, Ind., mayor Pete Buttigieg appeared on the televisions. They also chanted “Wall Street Pete.”

Sanders seems to have gotten the message that this type of behavior isn’t going to fly.

Seriously guys, not cool. Bernie needs to have a running mate and this kind of behavior coming from supporters is going to probably alienate everyone who he is considering for a running mate. So the question on the table is how can Bernie control the chaos? Well, maybe he doesn’t. That’s exactly how people like Mitch McConnell and Jim Jordan keep getting elected. Even Joe Biden is telling Bernie to mind the bros.

So said Joe Biden to Chuck Todd in a pre-recorded interview that aired on NBC’s Meet The Press on Sunday. It was a charge issued directly to the Democratic front runner, Bernie Sanders, who has, few could deny, a group of high-volume supporters whose zeal for their candidate can occasionally cross the line of civility.

“Find out who the hell they are. If any of them work for [you] - fire them!” Biden continued, while discussing online attacks against the Culinary Union in Nevada who did not endorse Sanders’s Medicare for All plan.

Ranking members of the powerful union claim they were doxxed online, received “hostile calls and emails” and that “Sanders supporters viciously attacked” them after the release of a flyer suggesting that Sanders would “end Culinary Healthcare,” a fund specific to their 130,000 members in the Las Vegas-area hospitality industry.

“He may not be responsible for it, but he has some accountability,” Biden said about the specific incident, and the, in his words, “vicious, malicious, misogynistic threats.”

Sigh…………….. same shit, different day! So where did the Bernie Bros get their name from? Why do they exist? And why like any group are they full of hardcore extremists and crazy people? Like the MAGAs, the Bernie Bro is such a distinct type of political supporter that they have their own Wikipedia page. But the actual origin of the term “Bernie Bro” gets traced back to an Atlantic article that appeared in 2015.

The nature of punditry makes it hard to tell which myths media personalities earnestly believe in, and which they perpetuate in bad faith. Consider the "welfare queen," a villainous trope popularized by Ronald Reagan in stump speeches in the 1970s, and which never actually existed. Despite being a clear fiction, the idea was tantalizing both to politicians and pundits, and hence the welfare queen became embedded in culture. Pundits and politicians today still invoke the racist caricature, often through dog-whistles.

Why do some myths persist, or remain uncorrected by the media, while others dissipate? The short answer seems to be that when they serve a media narrative, or play on existing stereotypes, they grow to possess a power that goes beyond fact or truth. To this list of indefatigable myths, one might add the pernicious "BernieBro" — so ubiquitous a concept that it has its own Wikipedia article. The self-explanatory neologism was coined by Robinson Meyer in an Atlantic article in 2015 before being distorted by the Twittersphere and the punditry — something that Meyer later came to regret, as he felt the term he reified suffered from "semantic drift."

But that was five years ago, before we had as much data on Sanders' support base — which, as it turns out, should be sufficient to debunk the stereotype that Sanders' support base consists entirely of a mythic tribe of entitled, pushy young millennial men. To wit: young women make up more of Sanders' base than men. He polls especially high with Hispanic voters, far more so than with white voters; Hispanic voters also donated more money to him than any other Democratic candidate. Polls consistently show that nonwhite voters prefer him over the other candidates. Notably, the demographic group that likes Sanders the least is white men.

So are the Bernie Bros a threat to the Democratic party? Or are they a necessary entity in order to beat Donald Trump? Well, I say a little from column A and a little from column B. Now Bernie and Michael Bloomberg have been trading blows in ads, and Bloomberg recently took a shot at the passionate base of fans known as Bernie Bros. How far does this go?

Former New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg responded to a hard-hitting speech by Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) with an ad targeting his “Bernie Bros” supporters and the Twitter attacks they levy on Democratic campaigns they don’t agree with.

Including screenshots of tweets, the Bloomberg ad included comments like “vote Bernie or bad things will happen,” texts threatening someone where they live and “your kids go to school,” and a cartoon suggesting Death was killing the supporters of Senators Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren, former South Bend mayor Pete Buttigieg, and former Vice President Joe Biden.

The ad concludes with a Sanders clip saying it is important for people who hold different views to be able to engage in a civil discourse, ending with the Bloomberg campaign asking, “really?”

The ad on the negative “energy” from Bernie Bros, was a response to a Sanders speech stating that Bloomberg’s money will not be enough to create the kind of “excitement and energy” needed to defeat President Donald Trump.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

For the final chapter of “Keeping Up With The Candidates”, we’re going to ask the question “Is Michael Bloomberg a racist?”. Spoiler alert! Probably.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Iggy Pop[/font]

My next guest is an absolutely legendary punk rock performer. In fact you can see him perform at Carnegie Hall in New York City on March 6th. Playing his song “James Bond” from his new album “Free”, give it up for the one, the only Iggy Pop!!!

Thank you Ann Arbor! This was fun, we’ll be back soon! We are off to Madison, Wisconsin next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University Of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI
Special Thanks To: University Of Michigan
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 19, 2020, 06:00 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-6: Wheel Of Corruption: Dark Fate Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-6: Wheel Of Corruption: Dark Fate Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Hey websites, please stop asking me to review your updated privacy policy because we both know that ain’t happening. What do you mean my data was sold to a Saudi prince? Damn it, I should have read the privacy policy. What’s up Smashville? Ah, see my nod to the Predators there? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Happy Valentines Day everybody! Of course Valentine’s Day is this Friday but we’re spreading the love a couple of days early! Because that’s just how we roll. So this is our 4th annual Valentine’s Day special and as always, this one goes out to the lovers in the room! And I’m sure there are many. And if you’re thinking of proposing, oh man have we got a destination wedding for you! It of course takes place in Las Vegas. Now when you think Vegas weddings, you think of the Elvis Chapel at the Aladdin or Chapel Of Flowers. Nope, this wedding happens to take place at Dennys. Yes, the same Dennys where you go to indulge your drunk food fantasies with Moons Over My Hammy, or your Nana and Pop Pop go to take advantage of the $5 senior slam. But you can get married for free on this Valentine’s Day. Yes, free! Of course if you want booze to go with that, they offer $2, $4, $6, and $8 drink specials. And my favorite part, they give you a coupon for a future visit! Or maybe Dennys isn’t your flavor, you prefer something more spicy! Fear not, the Taco Bell Cantina at Miracle Mile will satisfy your craving. For your wedding, you get tacos and margaritas! Yes, that is a thing that exists! 2020 is a great year to be alive isn’t it? OK enough of the intro. We have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he tears into Mitch McConnell on his latest New Rule:

Hey everyone the Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yay!!! It’s been a while! Holy crap this week was quite the shit show wasn’t it? In the number one slot of course this week is the Impeachment Of Donald J. Trump (1) and he of course was acquitted after Mitch McConnell rigged the trial, but it’s not over! It’s far from over! And man did Trump unload in an absolutely batshit crazy victory speech at the White House. In the second slot is our State Of The Union recap (2) which included Nancy Pelosi ripping up a copy of Trump’s address, while Parkland victim Fred Guttenberg got ejected after questioning Trump’s hard right 2nd amendment stance. In the number 3 slot this week is Rush Limbaugh (3). Yes, he has potentially terminal lung cancer but should we feel remorse for someone who has systematically hated our guts for 30+ years? We will weigh in on this subject. In the #4 slot this week – white nationalists (4) marched on DC while their favorite target, Portland’s Antifa, showed up in downtown and nobody knows exactly WTF happened! Speaking of white nationalists, at slot number 5 this week is of course our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and the FBI completed its’ annual survey of domestic terrorism incidents, and the results are way more frightening than you would ever have imagined! Taking the #6 seed of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and is anyone really surprised that Franklin Graham (6) got dropped from the entirety of his planned UK Crusader tour? Our resident pastor is going to get to the bottom of why the Brits hate the evangelist and his business. In the #7 slot this week, we had a much different “Beating A Dead Horse” planned about Kirk Douglas claims, but instead, we got to talk about the absolutely batshit ramblings coming from Joaquin Phoenix about milk. Yes, he used his speech to attack milk. In the number 8 slot this week, we have a new edition of our segment "NO!!!" in which religious right hate mongerer and fake coach Dave Daubenmire (8) is suing the NFL for an absolutely ridiculous sum of money. And when we say ridiculous we mean just that! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, is a new “I Need A Drink” and this week we’re going to get drunk and talk celebrity fragrances, and there’s some truly bizarre ones, in case you’re looking for a last minute Valentine’s Day gift for that special someone! Finally this week is a new “Keeping Up With The Candidates” (10). This week we’re going to talk about the aftermath of that colossal SNAFU in Iowa and what to expect as the primaries head to Nevada. And the palate cleanser, we’ve got some live music from The Lumineers! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Impeachment: Trump Vs Romney
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone say it with me: It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION! YAY!!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Elections
- Buy A Vowel
- Sex
- Clip Without Context
- Death
- Greed
- Spying
- Walls
- Food
- Elections
- The Border
- Donald Trump
- Clip Without Context
- Chance
- 5,000
- Bankrupt
- Whammy
- Community Chest
- Top 10 Investigates
- A Random Tweet
- Something Random In The News
- ‘Merica!
- Golf
- 10,000
- Morally Bankrupt
- Guacamole
- Clip Without Context
- Talk Shows
- Holy Shit
- Beating A Dead Horse
- This Fucking Guy
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Intermission
- Double Whammy
- 15,000
- People Are Dumb
- Keeping Up With The Candidates
- I Need A Drink
- Infowars
- Go Directly To Jail
- T-Shirt Cannon
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP!! Oh hey it’s one of our patented clips without context!

Coincidentally, I have the new Prophetess album “Warring Angels With Flaming Swords”, and it is a banger!!! Spin it again! Donald Trump! You know here’s the thing – conservatives have famously tried to claim that they are the party of transparency. Well, you can’t exactly be transparent when you rigged your own trial! And that’s exactly what they did. It’s almost kind of like that old MTV show Celebrity Deathmatch. In this corner, we have, at 239 (?) pounds, Donald Trump! And in this corner, wearing magic underwear, Mitt Romney! And not only that, Trump has not one but two dirty dealers at the helm – Kentucky’s Mitch McConnell (R-Turtle) and Mr. Moneybags prior to impending bankruptcy, Bill Barr. And with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Senators voted on Wednesday afternoon to acquit President Trump on two articles of impeachment — abuse of power and obstruction of Congress — after a historically unusual but typically contentious trial.

Forty-eight senators supported a verdict of guilty on Article I; 52 voted not guilty. Forty-seven senators supported a verdict of guilty on Article II; 53 voted not guilty. The Senate would have needed 67 votes to convict Trump on either article.

The result of the process had never been in question after the House voted to impeach Trump in December. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said months ago that he considered it "inconceivable" that a sufficient number of Republicans would break rank and support removing Trump from office.

One surprise on Wednesday, however, was that one Republican voted to convict and remove Trump on Article I: Utah Sen. Mitt Romney.

You know, I never thought I would say this, but thank god for Mitt Romney. At least his moral code prevented him from going with the GOP cult. But he’s still siding with the religion where he has to wear magic underwear. But what’s interesting is that even the Mormon Church, which is famously hard right conservative, is starting to take a turn. So where does Mitt Romney stand?

Sen. Mitt Romney sat sternly with his hands clasped in his lap Wednesday as Republican colleagues to his left and right stood up and declared President Donald Trump “not guilty” on two articles of impeachment.

One of the last to enter the Senate chamber before the historic vote, Romney had, less than three hours before, announced he would be the only member of the president’s party not to acquit him on both charges. Trump, the senator concluded, had committed an act so extreme and egregious it could not be ignored.

Wearing a navy blue suit with an American flag pin, Romney had not been greeted by his colleagues and did not boast a smile as the voting began.

When the trial ended, the Utah senator was the first to depart.

Uh oh, Mitt Romney had an independent thought, it’s bad for the cult! And of course now that Trump has been vindicated, he’s going to go full asshole and get his revenge on the people who he thinks wronged him, starting with Mr. Romney himself. So where does his home state of Utah stand on impeachment? And where do they think Romney voted? Did he vote correctly or not? We will see.

Registered voters in Utah are split on whether Sen. Mitt Romney’s (R) vote to convict President Trump in his impeachment trial last week makes them more or less likely to back Romney's reelection.

The Deseret News-Hinckley Institute of Politics survey released Tuesday found that 37 percent of registered voters surveyed said they were less likely to support Romney’s reelection, while 36 percent said they were more likely to back the senator. The difference between the two is within the poll's 4.5 percentage point margin of error.

Twenty-two percent said the senator's impeachment vote made no impact on how they will vote if Romney mounts a theoretical reelection bid, while 5 percent said they are not sure.

A majority of GOP voters —56 percent — said they were less likely to back the senator in his reelection, which isn't until 2024.

The poll also found that 49 percent of all registered voters viewed Romney’s vote positively, while 40 percent viewed it negatively; 11 percent said they were not sure.

Oh come on, you can stop booing now. So as you know, the way we’ve been polarized has been a thing since the Joseph McCarthy days. But the one person to defect has been Mitt Romney? I can guarantee 100% that I did not have that selected on my Impeachment Bingo card. But I did have “Romney kicked out of future GOP events” on my GOP Bingo card!

Sen. Mitt Romney will not be invited to this year's CPAC, the conservative conference's host chair announced Friday in the aftermath of senators voting not to hear additional witnesses in President Donald Trump's impeachment trial.

"BREAKING: The "extreme conservative" and Junior Senator from the great state of Utah, @SenatorRomney is formally NOT invited to #CPAC2020," tweeted Matt Schlapp, chair of the American Conservative Union, which hosts the conference.

The former party nominee and Sen. Susan Collins were the only Republicans to side with Democrats in voting to hear witnesses in the impeachment trial.

The vote failed, all but guaranteeing Trump's acquittal next week.

While CPAC has grown into a hotbed of Trumpian support, Romney has distanced himself from the president, garnering Trump's mockery and scorn.

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[font size="8"]State Of The Union Recap
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Now entering the spin cycle! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!

Spin it again. Donald Trump. Folks, it’s been quite a week since the State Of The Union with Nancy Pelosi getting ripped by the Trump cult over her ripping up of the SOTU speech. That’s how you treat a wannabe tyrant dictator like Trump. Is that you kick him in the ass hard. Of course Trump is a guy who loves him some loyalty. And nothing more loyal than those who were invited to his Mar-A-Lago Super Bowl party or his SOTU in Washington DC. But if you double cross the cult, they will tear you up in the same way that Nancy Pelosi ripped up that speech. Here’s what happened.

President Donald Trump promoted the economy and trade deals on Tuesday night in his third State of the Union address — an unusual speech that mixed unprecedented theatrics, including reuniting military families and doling out civilian awards, with overt partisan appeals.

The event ended in spectacularly bitter fashion, with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., ripping up her copy of the speech as the president finished — a climax to a tense evening chock-full of strain and division between the two leaders and, more broadly, among members of both political parties.

Pelosi's move was one of several instances of visibly intense partisanship during Trump's nearly 80-minute speech, which came amid his Senate impeachment trial. The Senate, which will vote Wednesday on Trump's verdict, is widely expected to acquit the president on two articles of impeachment: abuse of power and obstruction of Congress.

Earlier in the evening, after Trump reached the lectern, he did not shake Pelosi's hand. At other points while Trump was speaking, Pelosi was seen shaking her head.

Yup, that’s how you do it! But is there really a motive or a sinister underling to what Nancy Pelosi did to Trump? Really, Trump pardoned a guy who posed with the body of a child he killed in Iraq, and this is the hill that they choose to die on? OK fine. Let’s play that game for a minute. But in the 100+ years that the State Of The Union has been a thing, this might be one of the strangest ones ever.

President Donald Trump likes his superlatives, and you have to give him credit: He definitely earned them this time.

This was the most defiant, most boastful, most ostentatiously theatrical, most overtly campaign-oriented, most am-I-hearing-this-right? outlandish—the most flamboyantly bizarre—State of the Union Address of All Time.

It was also the most disorienting, and hard to categorize through the prism of conventional political analysis. That prism already had lost much of its utility during the Trump Era, and the president seemed to shatter it completely in a 78-minute speech to a congressional audience whose fealty and contempt toward Trump were on display in equal and vivid measure.

Trump long ago lost the capacity truly to shock, but he still has tricks up his sleeve: The speech showed he still has the ability to surprise.

Yeah pretty much. Now let’s switch gears for a minute. I have to talk about this story. I’ve been waiting all week and it’s been pissing me off more and more every day. During the State Of The Union, there was an ejection. While Trump was assuring gun nuts that their precious 2nd amendment wasn’t going anywhere, Parkland victim Fred Guttenberg, who was invited as a guest of Nancy Pelosi, got ejected for speaking out the way that guy shouted “You lie!” at Obama way back when. Hold your boos.
President Trump didn't shy away from his push for Second Amendment rights during Tuesday night's State of the Union address. But as he spoke about the importance of protecting the right to bear arms, the father of a teenage girl killed in the 2018 Parkland, Florida mass shooting yelled out — and was promptly ejected.

Fred Guttenberg's 14-year-old daughter, Jaime Guttenberg, was one of 17 people killed at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on Valentine's Day in 2018 when former student Nikolas Cruz brought an AR-15 into the building. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi invited Guttenberg to attend the address. He's been an outspoken advocate for gun reform since the shooting.

Leading up to Guttenberg's outburst, the president said, "In America we don't punish prayer; we don't tear down crosses; we don't ban symbols of faith; we don't muzzle preachers and pastors. In America, we celebrate faith. ... Just as we believe in the First Amendment, we also believe in another constitutional right that is under siege all across the country. So long as I am president, I will always protect your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms."

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh and if that’s not enough, this will make your blood boil even further! So after the SOTU, Trump finally allowed Parkland families to go to the White House for a symposium on gun safety. You know who wasn’t invited? Guess who. Yes, now you have my permission to boo even further. And why should Mr. Guttenberg apologize to these assholes? He’s sticking up for what is right.

Several parents who lost a loved one in the tragic shooting inside a Parkland school will attend a White House event on Monday – with one notable member of that group not getting an invite to attend.

Fred Guttenberg, whose daughter Jamie was among the 17 victims of the shooting inside Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School on February 14, 2018, tweeted that he was not invited to the ceremony for the event involving President Trump.

Guttenberg made headlines last week when he was escorted out of the State of the Union address after yelling at the President following remarks about gun violence. He later apologized for the outburst.

“I love the families and do not want to interfere,” Guttenberg said in a message to the Miami Herald. “My issue is only with the way the [White House] put out its public schedule.”

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[font size="8"]Rush Limbaugh
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Something random in the news!

The NY Post is reporting that an altercation occurred outside Brooklyn's popular Other Half Brewing Company late Friday night. And according to officials, it all had to do with a bunch of smack talk over craft beer.

Witnesses say they were in line overnight for a Saturday morning special release when a man and a woman began harassing them over their taste for pricy, hoppy beer. Several people in line told the NY Post that the couple were staying in a nearby Airbnb when they started mocking the beer lovers. This escalated back and forth to the point that some in line even threw folding chairs at the annoying twosome.

The Post says the the man and woman went back into the apartment for a while, only for the man to reemerge with a can of White Claw hard seltzer. Eager to show these beer snobs what a man's man drinks, the alleged intruder slammed back his drink and then allegedly threw it at those waiting in line. The taunts continued both ways until the Post says the man went back to the apartment and came back with a Glock 19.

Shocked witnesses in line say they called the police as they tried to deescalate the potentially dangerous situation. The man then put the gun away and went back inside. The NY Post says police quickly arrived, brought the man out in cuffs, confirmed his identity with witnesses, and then took him away.

Come on, if you’re going to tell a bunch of beer drinkers their product is crap, at least come back with something better than White Claw. That shit is basically La Croix mixed with alcohol mixed with tap water. Why not just chug some pure grain alcohol like Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Seriously, was Florida Man visiting Brooklyn? Spin it again! Talk shows! Folks, last week it was reported that Rush Limbaugh has potentially terminal lung cancer. Which prompted an outpouring of support from conservatives everywhere while Democrats were asking the question “Should we feel remorse for someone we hate?”. Well the answer to that one is a very complex one. And there’s no easy answer.

The conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh said on his live show on Monday that he had advanced lung cancer.

He told listeners that he had noticed some shortness of breath but was not experiencing symptoms at the moment, and that he would continue working but would be absent from the show for a couple of days to undergo testing and determine a treatment plan.

“I can’t help but feel that I’m letting everybody down with this, but the upshot is that I have been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer,” Mr. Limbaugh, 69, said during his broadcast. He added that he first realized something was wrong on Jan. 12 and that the diagnosis had been confirmed by two medical institutions on Jan. 20.

“My heart’s in great shape, ticking away fine, squeezing and pumping great,” he said. “It was not that. It was a pulmonary problem involving malignancy. So I’m going to be gone the next couple days as we figure out the treatment course of action and have further testing done. But as I said, I’m going to be here as often as I can.”

Now come on, who knew that Rush had a heart to begin with? Oh now we kid, that’s the kind of joke we actually can make. And here’s one that isn’t. OK so Rush Limbaugh has said an awful lot of shit in the last 30 years. Among his greatest hits, he’s gone on Carr mocked rape victims, trashed disabled war veterans and famously had that beef with Michael J. Fox after his Parkinsons diagnosis. But you know what we don’t do? We don’t wish death on people we don’t agree with, even if they are ugly people both on the outside and inside. Just wait for nature to take its’ course.

A Milwaukee Public Schools teacher was placed on leave Wednesday for tweeting that he hopes conservative talk show pundit Rush Limbaugh dies a painful death from cancer.

Travis Sarandos, who teaches English at Milwaukee High School of the Arts, has since deleted his Twitter account.

Replying to a different tweet expressing hope that Limbaugh would recover and begin advocating for affordable health care, Sarandos wrote: "limbaugh absolutely should have to suffer from cancer. it's awesome that he's dying, and hopefully it is as quick as it is painful."

It drew a small firestorm after conservative radio host Mark Belling blasted the tweet in his blog Tuesday.

Milwaukee Public Schools initially said in an email to the USA TODAY Network's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that it was aware of the tweet, but that Sarandos was not speaking on behalf of the district or students or other staff. Hours later it confirmed he had been placed on leave pending an investigation.

Yeah no, we don’t encourage that kind of thing here. And if there’s one thing that you never, ever do, it’s piss off the cult. Because they will hold a grudge against you well into the next century. But here’s one thing that you should never, ever do – don’t ever, EVER celebrate that someone else has cancer, because it’s a shitty disease no matter who has it. And if you’re like the above teacher, really, there’s no time or place for that. Leave it to yourself.

Rush Limbaugh told his listeners on Monday that he has advanced lung cancer and, of course, social media lit up with partisan responses to the dire diagnosis revealed by America’s best known conservative radio talk show host.

This isn’t the first time Limbaugh has experienced hardship. It’s been reported that he was addicted to prescription drugs and he’s suffered a profound hearing loss, for example.

But cancer is something else altogether.

“This day has been one of the most difficult days in recent memory for me. I’ve known this moment is coming in the program,” Limbaugh said in comments quoted by national publications. “I’m sure that you all know by now that I really don’t like talking about myself and I don’t like making things about me. I like this program to be about you and the things that matter to all of us.”

We don’t know if Limbaugh’s diagnosis states that he has a short time left or if his situation is more hopeful than that. But we do know this, or at least we should: This news should not be met with celebration. It should not be met with laughter and high-fives. It should not be met with Twitter memes or wicked witch analogies.

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[font size="8"]Nazis On Parade
[br] [/font]

Now entering the spin zone!! And it lands on… wait for it… A Random Tweet!!


You do realize that Larry David was making fun of you right? I mean if you watch the episode he claims that a MAGA hat is a “great people repellent”. I can’t even… . Spin it again! And it lands on… Racism! Now it’s time for *1920s news announcer voice* NAZIS On Parade On Parade! An EKO Initech Productions Newsreel! We go to the nation’s capital of Washington DC, where white nationalists took to the streets to demonstrate… racism? That’s just about all we can think of this latest march. Because what were they marching? And why were they covering their faces? This is one of the latest WTF events in the history like all bad things, it started after the 2016 election when everything started going to shit.

Police escorted masked members of a white nationalist group on a march through Washington’s National Mall on Saturday that Metropolitan Police said occurred without incident or arrests.

More than 100 members of the Patriot Front, dressed in khaki pants and caps, blue jackets and white face masks, shouted “Reclaim America!” and “Life, liberty, victory!” video of the march showed.

The Southern Poverty Law Center describes the Patriot Front as a white nationalist group that broke off from a similar organization, Vanguard America, in the aftermath of the deadly “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia in 2017.

At that rally, self-described neo Nazi James Fields drove his car into a group of counter-protesters, killing 32-year-old Heather Heyer. He was convicted of first-degree murder and sentenced to life in prison in 2018.

U.S. President Donald Trump drew criticism from his fellow Republicans as well as Democrats for saying that “both sides” were to blame for the deadly 2017 incident.

Yeah where’s that guy when you need him? I mean shit this gives new meaning to the phrase “some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses”. So first we had that insane gun rally in Virginia and now we have actual Nazis covering their faces marching through downtown Washington DC. Isn’t this certifiably insane? Of course we’re ready to go into CPAC and this isn’t helping.

A march by the white nationalist group Patriot Front was done near Union Station in Washington around 4 p.m. on Saturday.

The members of Patriot Front that were marching shouted, "Reclaim America" as they moved down the streets of D.C. The group would later end their march at a Walmart in the Union Station area, as some onlookers called them cowards, said WUSA9's Mike Valerio.

Those marching wore similar long-sleeve clothing, wit hats, masks, sunglasses and American flags. They were trailed and surrounded by police officers who were there to de-escalate any issues that arose.

The group, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center, is an image-obsessed organization that rehabilitated the explicitly fascist agenda of Vanguard America with garish patriotism.

The SPLC added that Patriot Front focuses on "theatrical rhetoric and activism that can be easily distributed as propaganda for its chapters across the country."

Meanwhile, in Portland, the group that white nationalists hate and Trump fans love to take a shit on – Antifa, is back and up to their usual tricks. So here’s the thing – the Trump fans love to hate Antifa and they constantly refer to them as violent thugs. But really, if you read past the headlines, which they don’t, this was pretty much nothing. But that’s not what you would read if you venture into the conservative blog-o-sphere at all.

Three people were arrested following a lengthy demonstration in downtown Portland’s Lownsdale Square park Saturday afternoon, and police are searching for another individual who is believed to have vandalized a war memorial in an adjacent park.

Saturday’s demonstration came in response to a previous social media rumor that the Ku Klux Klan was organizing a white supremacy rally at or around the downtown Portland park Saturday.

No Klan rally took place. It’s not clear if an actual event had been organized.

Shortly after 8 a.m., Portland police tweeted, “The organizer for the [Klan] rally in front of the Multnomah County Courthouse has communicated to PPB he has cancelled the event planned for this morning and does not intend to show up. PPB continues to monitor the situation.”

Counter-protesters showed up regardless, including antifascist activists, or antifa.

So here’s the thing – there’s two groups of protestors. Both wear masks to hide their identities. Both are run by lunatics. And neither side has any idea who the other side is. All that happened was – a war memorial got defaced, and that is not cool. But then again neither is racism. So while both groups waste time, it would be a great idea if before this administration is over, to Scooby Doo these morons and find out who they really are.

A plinth slathered in paint during a political protest is nearly good as new — restored to not-quite pristine condition less than a day after it was vandalized.

Soldiers Monument, as the outdoor sculpture is usually called, has kept watch over downtown Portland's Lownsdale Square since 1906. A century or so later, it went viral.

A video with more than half a million views on Twitter shows several people spraypainting anti-police slogans across the obelisk during the tail end of an anti-KKK demonstration on Saturday, Feb. 10.

At 6 a.m. on Sunday, contractor crews using hot pressure water scrubbed the statue, leaving faint outlines of what was once there. The graffiti had been cloaked by a tarp overnight.

"We have a process for dealing with these type of incidents. They're not uncommon," said Heather Nelson Kent, a spokeswoman for the Regional Arts & Culture Council, which is tasked with taking care of the city's publicly-owned art.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: FBI Terror Watch List
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… Chance!!

Nice! I get a Get Out Of Jail Free card. I will just put that away for later. Spin it again! And it lands on… Top 10 Investigates!

Terrorism is a subject that is no laughing matter. When it comes to terrorism, what is more likely to happen? Are you more likely to die at the hands of an Al Qaeda terrorist, or are you more likely to die at the hands of your hardcore white nationalist cousin who has a safe full of guns and repeatedly makes threats against the government on Facebook? The answer is increasingly more and more likely to be the latter. As world governments are getting turned upside down by extreme disinformation on Facebook, white nationalists are becoming more and more of a threat by the day. As such, the FBI is taking new counter terrorism measures to combat this rising tide of hate and white supremacy all over the globe after completing their annual terror survey.

The FBI has elevated its assessment of the threat posed by racially motivated violent extremists in the U.S. to a "national threat priority" for fiscal year 2020, FBI director Christopher Wray said Wednesday. He said the FBI is placing the risk of violence from such groups "on the same footing" as threats posed to the country by foreign terrorist organizations such as ISIS and its sympathizers.

"Not only is the terror threat diverse — it's unrelenting," Wray said at an oversight hearing before the House Judiciary Committee.

Racially or ethnically motivated violent extremists, or domestic terrorists motivated by racial or religious hatred, make up a "huge chunk" of the FBI's domestic terrorism investigations, Wray said in statements before the Senate Homeland Security Committee last November. The majority of those attacks are "fueled by some type of white supremacy," he said.

Wednesday, Wray said combating domestic terrorism and its "close cousin," hate crimes, are at the "top of the priority list" for the FBI.

It’s quite possible that the FBI’s hate crime division is working overtime, the last thing they need is a few more hate crimes tacked on top of that, Homer! So where can you start seeing white nationalists pop up in professions? Well look at the military where troops have said to their superior officers that they have seen instances of white nationalism and hardcore racism pop up in recent weeks prior to the FBI’s annual survey.

More than one-third of all active-duty troops and more than half of minority service members say they have personally witnessed examples of white nationalism or ideological-driven racism within the ranks in recent months, according to the latest survey of active-duty Military Times readers.

The poll surveyed 1,630 active-duty Military Times subscribers last fall on their views about political leaders, global threats and domestic policy priorities. It offers a troubling snapshot of troops’ exposure to extremist views while serving despite efforts from military leaders to promote diversity and respect for all races.

The 2019 survey found that 36 percent of troops who responded have seen evidence of white supremacist and racist ideologies in the military, a significant rise from the year before, when only 22 percent — about 1 in 5 — reported the same in the 2018 poll.

Enlisted members were more likely than officers to witness the extremist views (37 percent to 27 percent). Minorities were significantly more likely to report cases of racist behavior than whites (53 percent to 30 percent).

Overall, troops who responded to the poll cited white nationalists as a greater national security threat than both domestic terrorism with a connection to Islam, as well as immigration.

Yes it was. But the director of the FBI himself has warned that domestic terrorism is on the rise, and most of the arrests involving hate crimes involve white supremacy. And in a not at all shocking twist, the FBI is promising to actually deal with a lot of the hate crimes that are on the rise. So when Nazis march down the street in your neighborhood, you can rest assured that the FBI is watching them.

FBI Director Christopher Wray said Tuesday that the agency has made about 100 domestic terrorism-related arrests since October, and the majority were tied to white supremacy.

”I will say that a majority of the domestic terrorism cases that we’ve investigated are motivated by some version of what you might call white supremacist violence, but it does include other things as well,” Wray said at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, referring to cases in fiscal 2019, which began Oct. 1.

The FBI is “aggressively” investigating domestic terrorism and hate crimes, Wray said, noting that the bureau is focused on investigating the violence, not the ideology motivating the attacks.

Wray distinguished between what he termed homegrown violent extremism, wording he said the FBI uses to refer to people in United States who are inspired by global jihadists, and domestic extremism, which Wray described as broader to include racially motivated extremists, anarchists and others.

Now that the FBI is doing more to fight terrorism, you might want to ask yourself “Why isn’t the FBI doing more to fight white supremacy?”. Well, the answer of course lies in the Rage Against The Machine classic song “Killing In The Name Of” which has the lyric “Some of those who work forces / Are the same that burn crosses”. If that rings true, there is going to be a huge undertaking needed to sort out this mess after the dust has been settled.

Just two weeks ago, FBI director Christopher Wray was harshly criticized during a hearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee for the bureau's focus — or lack thereof — on white supremacist violence.

"The term 'white supremacist, ' 'white nationalist,' is not included in your statement to the committee when you talk about threats to America," Democratic Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois told Wray. "There is a reference to racism, which I think probably was meant to include that, but nothing more specific."

Wray responded that the FBI stopped using separate categories for white supremacists and "black identity extremists," but he added, "I will say that a majority of the domestic terrorism cases that we've investigated are motivated by some version of what you might call white supremacist violence."

This week, the FBI came under sharp scrutiny over how it addresses domestic terrorism inspired by white nationalism in the wake of two mass shootings over the weekend in El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio.

The FBI currently has 850 open domestic terrorism investigations. Of that number, 40% involve racially motivated violent extremism, and a majority of those cases involve white nationalists, the bureau said.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round, where does it stop? Oh hey it’s yet another Clip Without Context!

Yeah that will work! Let’s pray away a deadly virus! Right. Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Holy Shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Nashville! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation!! Is it OK to cancel someone who you don’t agree with? We live in an era where Nazis are marching in the streets and white supremacists have infiltrated our law enforcement, and pastors are saying extremely homophobic and sexist stuff, and nobody is questioning them on it. Now it could be the poison that is being ingested every day on your social media feeds. There is so much disinformation out there. And of course we don’t need people like Franklin Graham helping things, but I’m going to say that he should be cancelled. Of course, as you know, free speech is an absolute right in these United States, of which, I am free to mock religion as much as these guys are to preach it! And for that I am thankful! But what happens when a guy like Franklin Graham, who supports the unholy Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church, when he takes his show on the road? This happens!

The Rev. Franklin Graham, a popular evangelist and son of the late Rev. Billy Graham, is planning a four-month gospel-preaching tour through the United Kingdom this summer.
But now, all seven of his scheduled venues have dropped him, citing his views on homosexuality and Islam. What are they saying?

CNN reported that on Wednesday an arena in Newcastle became the seventh and final venue to cancel Graham's scheduled appearance, following similar cancellations by venues in cities across the U.K., including Birmingham, Liverpool, Sheffield, and Glasgow.

The cancellation came after the regional LGBT groups joined with Newcastle City Council leader Nick Forbes to oppose the visit.

Forbes, who claims that Graham "peddles controversial, repulsive views about LGBT people" said he was "delighted" to hear the news.

"Instead of focusing on such divisions, we can now come together and look forward to hosting U.K. Pride here this summer," he added.

More than 5,000 people had signed a petition put on by Northern Pride calling for the event to be canceled. The petition argued that Graham has "publicly promoted homophobia."

That’s right miss! Oh my GAWD indeed! And this is the same England here? The one that is embracing fascism and dictatorships with their new Brexit model? But then again, homophobia is viewed much more differently abroad than it is in the States! And of course, if you can’t beat them, what is the answer my fair congregation? Sue!!! That’s right, Pastor Graham vows to sue the shit out of the areans that cancelled him!

The preacher son of US evangelist Billy Graham is threatening to sue eight British arenas that cancelled his shows after protests from the LGBT community.

Franklin Graham, 67, a vocal supporter of US President, Donald Trump, describes homosexuality as a 'sin' and is in favour of 'gay conversion therapy'.

The ACC Liverpool conference centre was the first to cancel one of his planned events saying last month that his views were 'incompatible' with their values and the Sheffield Arena followed soon after.

Since then venues in Glasgow, Newcastle, Cardiff, Birmingham, Milton Keynes and London have all followed suit.

But Graham said today his lawyers were fighting back claiming the venues had breached contracts and had discriminated against him because of his religious beliefs.

He also remains unrepentant on his 'homophobic' views and even claimed that the Queen would agree with him.

Maybe don’t call that guy if you’re planning a lawsuit! But that said, Mr. Graham is still insisting on going on his full UK tour. Because let’s face it, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and you must be a supporter of the Unholy Dark One, and the world turning to the Dark Side! But is Franklin Graham really a champion of LGBT rights? I would most certainly think not. And why would people come to listen to him anyways? At least if you come to my church – all are welcome and all are pure in the eyes of the LAWRD JAYSUS!!! Can I get an amen???

While several venues have canceled events planned for Franklin Graham in the United Kingdom, citing objections to his views on homosexuality, the evangelist is not calling off his eight-date tour of the country and has instead asked his supporters to pray that the doors remain open for the Gospel.

Graham, the son of the late evangelist Billy Graham, was booked to speak at the International Convention Centre Wales in Newport on June 14, but the event has been canceled, according to WalesOnline.

Jayne Bryant, Assembly Member for Newport West, said Graham has “a long record of preaching hate, prejudice and intolerance" and called for the event to be canceled due to her concerns and those raised by LGBTQ charity Pride Cymru.

Earlier, Liverpool ACC and Glasgow SEC also pulled out of hosting events for Graham. So did Sheffield City Trust for a planned event at Sheffield Arena.

Despite some cancellations, Graham, who leads the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, said on Saturday that he's “looking forward to preaching the Gospel across the UK in late May & June.”

Except when there is judgement, good Rev! But even if you are cancelled at every single venue in the UK, can you still go there? Would you defy the Queen? Well apparently the concept of “cancel culture” doesn’t apply to the far right! Apparently you can be cancelled and still go there anyways! Now that’s funny because I don’t remember in the Bible where JAYSUS got cancelled and still went on an arena tour! Maybe that arena tour got reduced to civic centers and golf course country clubs?

A planned tour of Britain by the American evangelist Franklin Graham, an outspoken social conservative and a vocal supporter of President Trump, will move forward despite being dropped by venues over concerns about his past statements, according to organizers.

The tour, which features a series of messages from the Bible and concerts that aim to teach biblical principles, is scheduled to begin on May 30 in Glasgow before making stops in Newcastle, Liverpool, Birmingham and elsewhere. But late last month, a convention center in Liverpool announced that it would no longer be hosting Mr. Graham after being made aware of statements it viewed as “incompatible” with its values.

“In light of this we can no longer reconcile the balance between freedom of speech and the divisive impact this event is having in our city,” the venue, ACC Liverpool, said in a statement.

Over the next days, other venues across the country made similar announcements. In Milton Keynes, for instance, the Marshall Arena said it had canceled its own Graham event over concerns that it could “lead to a breach of the peace.” Now, no date on the tour’s website has a designated venue, and all the locations are listed as “TBA.”

So if you see Franklin Graham preaching on that free speech corner in Hyde Park, that might be the only place where he’s allowed to do so in the UK. And he’ll sound just as crazy as the guy next to him! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Got Milk?
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… oh it’s another one of our patented clips without context!

News Nazis, by the way, that’s the name of my new metalcore band. We’re playing the Troubadour this weekend! Spin it again! Oh hey it’s time for Beating A Dead Hore!

OK I’ll admit that one of my favorite films last year was Joker. Yes, it deserved all the accolades it got and Joaquin Phoenix easily deserved Best Actor. That said, he is one weird fucking dude. Do not give this guy an open mike. Because it really felt like a Joker speech. I kept waiting for him to say “YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE!!!”. You know what? Before we go any further let’s roll the clip.

Whew, there was a lot to pack in that clip. Now before we go and dissect this whole thing, we got to talk about all the people that Mr. Phoenix pissed off in this clip. So Laura Dern and Brad Pitt both had great speeches and then there was this. So while I’m sure his intentions were good, the message came off weird.

For weeks, Joaquin Phoenix has been a favorite to take home Best Actor at the 2020 Oscars—and sure enough, he collected the statuette at the Dolby Theatre on Sunday night. But leading up to Phoenix’s big victory—his first win in the category—many rightfully wondered what Phoenix might say. At the Golden Globes in January, after all, Phoenix created a viral moment when he called out his fellow actors for taking private jets—and that was just one of many impassioned moments on his Oscar campaign trail. Sure enough, the Joker actor delivered the speech of a lifetime on Sunday night—a meandering address that managed to touch on human selfishness, artificial bovine insemination, and the actor’s late brother, River Phoenix.

“I think the greatest gift that [acting] has given me and many of us in this room is the opportunity to use our voice for the voiceless,” Phoenix said as he collected his trophy. “I’ve been thinking a lot about some of these distressing issues that we are facing collectively, and I think sometimes we feel or are made to feel that we champion different causes. But for me I see commonality.”

“I think whether we’re talking about gender and equality, or racism, or queer rights, or indigenous rights, or animal rights, we’re talking about the fight against injustice,” Phoenix continued, “We’re talking about the fight against the belief that one people, one race, one gender, one species has the right to dominate, control, use, and exploit another with impunity.”

Yeah that escalated quickly. So in one sentence we go from talking about gender rights and equality to talking about artificially inseminating cows, because reasons. And come on, do we really need this guy talking about award speeches that criticize hard working, every day people? Celebrities aren’t like us, they don’t have to deal with credit checks and getting ejected from places and being denied buying something and maxing out credit cards. So Ricky Gervais, you’re not helping.

Ricky Gervais is warning celebrities against political speeches after a number of them spoke out at the Oscars over the weekend, saying that the comments to "everyday, hard working people" at Hollywood awards shows usually backfire.

"I have nothing against the most famous people in the world using their privileged, global platform to tell the world what they believe," the comedian and five-time Golden Globes host tweeted Monday, a day after the 92nd annual Academy Awards.

"I even agree with most of it," Gervais said to his more than 14 million followers. "I just tried to warn them that when they lecture everyday, hard working people, it has the opposite effect."

Gervais's comments came after several stars got political at this year's Academy Awards.

Brad Pitt made mention of President Trump's impeachment trial, while Joaquin Phoenix made a plea for animal rights, saying people "go into the natural world and we plunder it for its resources."

In an apparently since-deleted tweet, Gervais said of Phoenix's Oscars speech, "I think he's great."

Dude come on, even the Joker thinks this is full of shit. And I thought my jokes were bad! But here’s the thing – why are people just griping on and on about cancel culture? Have you seen TV lately? Nothing gets cancelled anymore! I mean shit, Arrested Development got cancelled by Fox and they got two extra seasons on Netflix! And if you attempt to cancel something, it will just make people want to do it more, come on, we saw that with the Tomahawk Chip.

There comes a time in an actor’s life when they find themselves seated in the Dolby Theater for the 12th consecutive hour, and they are either working on their face of gracious defeat for when their name is not called out as a winner, or they are optimistically going over a victory speech in their head, ensuring they don’t forget this producer or that agent or that grip on stage. (Or they are running around the bar, asking why the Academy can’t “just do another ‘Shallow,’” which is probably the only reason I have not been invited to the Oscars.) On Sunday night, we got two excellent speeches from actors, and two less excellent ones: Brad Pitt and Laura Dern mixed the intimate with the courteous, thanking their famous families and famous co-stars and reflecting on lives spent in front of the camera. Lead acting winners Joaquin Phoenix and Renée Zellweger, however, had speeches of a different flavor up their sleeves.

It has been said, correctly and coincidentally by me, that Joe Pesci delivered the best-ever Oscar acceptance speech: “It was my privilege. Thank you.” But people keep winning Oscars, so people keep giving Oscar speeches. Today, in the glow of Parasite’s Best Picture win, we are gathered here to decipher two of the most puzzling acceptance speeches from the night: Zellweger accepting her award for playing Judy Garland in Judy, and Phoenix accepting his award for King of Comedy, Revisited, excuse me, that’d be Joker.


Congratulations to the other nominees! I wish you the best, but at another awards show, during another year, on another stage, ideally when I am not also competing.

Well so thank the other actors and actresses, who might win awards on shows that I am not competing on, OK makes sense! But be careful about who you speak to, Joaquin and Renee, because you could accidentally piss off the wrong people. Except of course for the guy that we call president, and he constantly pisses off the wrong people. Yeah, don’t be like that guy!

It’s been a fruitful awards season for Joaquin Phoenix, who has dominated this year’s circuit thanks to his role as the title character in Joker. Phoenix won Best Actor at the Golden Globes, the Critics’ Choice Awards, the SAG Awards, and the BAFTA Film Awards, among others. He’s now the favorite to win at the Oscars on Sunday—a prospect that might make some of the people watching a little bit uneasy.

Phoenix has been a formidable and unpredictable presence at the podium, going beyond the routine expressions of gratitude in his acceptance speeches to chastise the audience for their hypocrisy on climate change or to draw attention to the lack of the diversity at the very awards ceremony that just honored him. Though he may preach and provoke, he’s been self-deprecating and self-aware about it. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want to rock the boat. But the boat is [censored] rocked,” he said during his Golden Globes speech, to laughter.

Climate change was the major theme of Phoenix’s acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama at the Golden Globes in January. “First, I would like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press for recognizing and acknowledging the link between animal agriculture and climate change,” began Phoenix, who had urged the organization to adopt a vegan menu. “It’s a very bold move making tonight plant-based and it really sends a powerful message.” But that spoonful of sugar was soon followed by a dose of medicine when Phoenix (acknowledging that he himself has “not always been a virtuous man”) suggested that those present could all do better than sending well wishes to an Australia on fire, such as by cutting down on the “private jets to Palm Springs.”

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[font size="8"]No! Dave Daubenmire NFL Suit
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… CHANCE!

Stupid bleeping poor tax!!!! Spin it again. And it lands on… NO!

OK before we go any further, this is a topic that would normally be reserved for a Holy Shit but our resident pastor is tied up with news about Franklin Graham, the shit storm in Virginia, and the National Prayer Breakfast, so by the time he gets around to it, it will be yesterday’s news. That said, this is a big fat “NO!!!” and I really hope that he gets laughed out of court for this one. So our good friend Dave Daubenmire – the hate mongerer who calls himself a “coach” is planning to sue the NFL because they featured Jennifer Lopez and Shakira – two extremely attractive Hispanic singers and dancers, in very tight and revealing clothing. Now don’t boo yet, is the Super Bowl halftime show now a porno show or is it a Pepsi commercial? Let’s find out.

Radical right-wing activist Dave Daubenmire spent most of his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast yesterday threatening to sue the National Football League for broadcasting unsolicited “crotch shots” into his home during the Super Bowl halftime show, thereby jeopardizing his eternal salvation.

“I think we ought to sue,” he said. “Would that halftime show, would that have been rated PG? Were there any warnings that your 12-year-old son—whose hormones are just starting to operate—was there any warning that what he was going to see might cause him to get sexually excited?”

“I think we ought to go sit down in a courtroom and present this as evidence of how whoever [put on the halftime show] is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of Heaven,” Daubenmire added. “Could I go into a courtroom and say, ‘Viewing what you put on that screen put me in danger of hellfire’? Could the court say, ‘That doesn’t apply here because the right to [produce] porn overrides your right to [not] watch it’? Yeah, well, you didn’t tell me I was gonna watch it! You just brought it into my living room. You didn’t tell me there were gonna be crotch shots!”

Daubenmire declared that the halftime performance was a blatant example of anti-Christian discrimination because he should be able to watch the Super Bowl without having to see things that conflict with his values.

“That’s discriminatory against the value I have in my house. You can’t just do that,” he argued. “I wanna sue them for about $867 trillion.”

Holy fucking shit!!! $867 trillion??? I’d be fine with $867. Hell, I’d be fine with $86.70. We’re not exactly raking in that sweet advertising revenue. And I like that he’s including his local cable company in the mix because, reasons. It’s like when you sign up for an internet bundle and they try to sweeten the deal by including a land line. Ooh, land line!!!! But here’s my favorite part of this lawsuit. Does Dave even know what a porn show is? Or does he spend way too much time watching Porn Hub?

The fallout from the Super Bowl LIV halftime show continues with one man so shook from seeing the skin of Jennifer Lopez and Shakira that he plans on suing the NFL, Pepsi and his local cable company.

Dave Daubenmire, a Christian activist who is clearly trying to get attention for a podcast he hosts, has announced that because viewing the halftime show in which J-Lo and Shakira gyrated in skimpy outfits for about 15 minutes could put him "in danger of hellfire," he's ready to take action.

The Ohio native, who claims he turned off the halftime show because he didn't want to "let that spirit in my house" is angered about the crotch shots and took to Facebook to ask for a lawyer to help him file a lawsuit for "pandering pornography" and "contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"I tuned in to watch a football game. I didn't tune in to watch a porn show," said Daubenmire before launching into a very creepy analogy about having "attractive" daughters and how he can't bring them to their school to pole dance and twerk.

To understand how serious Daubenmire is about this, he says in his video that he wants to sue the NFL, Pepsi, which sponsored the halftime show, local cable companies and, "I'm sure we can dig up a few more." Yes, he doesn't know exactly who he wants to sue, but he's going to sue them.

Why would I give Daubenmire all this attention, you might be wondering? Simple. I'm in the content business so I want to help Daubenmire find a lawyer for his ridiculous lawsuit because the content that would come out of it would be AMAZING.

What is it with creepy looking old white dudes and attractive women? Why are they so weird? Well, Dave is definitely no stranger to that while also demeaning others who aren’t straight white, manliest men of all males. But really the second video tells us way more about Dave Daubenmire’s sexual preferences than we ever cared to know. Ew.

Ohio minister and far-right commentator Dave Daubenmire is not happy about the "crotch-grabbing" Super Bowl halftime show with Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. In a seven-minute video filmed from his car, Daubenmire announced he plans to sue the NFL, Fox, and Pepsi for "contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"I've been pondering all day the debauchery of last night's Super Bowl halftime, which by the way I didn't even have it come into my house I turned it off," he started the video. "Just because of past Super Bowls, knew what it was gonna be like and didn't wanna let that spirit come into my house. But I viewed some stuff today, I didn't watch the whole thing but I saw parts of it today... I saw a lot of crotch shots."

Clutching his pearls, he said he's looking for a lawyer to help him with a class action lawsuit against the show, which he described as a "strip club performance." He continued, "I think we ought to go sit down in a courtroom and present this as evidence of how whoever is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of Heaven." He claimed that the show "penetrated the sanctity of my home."

Daubenmire went on to accuse the NFL of having an "agenda," and stated that Jennifer Lopez and Shakira are corrupting children. Worse yet, on Monday he also felt the need to imply that if people were looking to procure pornography, they wouldn't seek out someone J-Lo's age and that she is too old to be wearing revealing outfits. "J-Lo is 50," he said. "You go on a porn website, you’re not looking for 50-year-old women."

Seriously, Dave, you’re the one with the agenda! And I think we all know how you get your jollies, and I have to say, hard pass. You also know, nobody is forcing a gun to your head to watch the Super Bowl half time show. But who’s going to take up a lawsuit for $867 trillion dollars just because you got a hard on watching J. Lo? Good luck with that, and you’ll probably get laughed out of court at the most.

Regardless of which side of the argument you fall on, it's undeniable that Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show was a polarizing one.

One Ohio man, however, plans on taking his criticism of the performance a step further than most.

In a video posted to his Facebook page earlier this week, Dave Daubenmire revealed his wish to sue the NFL, the show's sponsor, Pepsi and his local cable provider for the halftime show, which was headlined by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. A minister and former high school football coach, Daubenmire described the halftime show as a "strip club performance" and said that he was upset that it aired without properly advising viewers.

"There was no warning. There was no 'caution: under the age of 18' or 'caution: under the age of 13,'" Daubenmire said. "We were watching a football game. People tuned in to watch a football game and what do you know, the next thing you have in front of you? You've got debauchery. Folks, are we going to protect our children or not?"

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… Oh hey another clip without context!

No it’s just a bunch of idiots with too much time on their hands jamming the phones. But thanks for playing, Rick! Spin it again! Oh and it’s time for I Need A Drink!

Hey everyone after all the crazy and horrifying news this week, whether it’s conservatives throwing out the rule of law in favor of one party rule, or that conservative trolls were attempting to sabotage the Iowa primaries, or the fact that an uncontrollable super virus from China is most likely going to kill us all, the only remedy is a good strong cocktail. Or a beer. I’ll take either, I’m not picky. But this is the segment where we have some drinks and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. This week, we’re going to talk fragrances. Sold by celebrities. So tell me, bartender, what goes well with a story about perfume? A plum soaked in perfume served in a hat? Can you even drink that? I’ll just take my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. Well, when it comes to fragrances, we of course look to one of the trend setters, Gwyneth Paltrow, who, with her venerable GOOP brand, helped sell this peculiar product.

Truly, has any vagina ever been as fruitful as Gwyneth Paltrow’s? It has birthed discussions of vaginal steaming, vaginal jade eggs, $15,000 dildos, something called “sex dust” and a photo of Gwyneth standing in a giant vagina to advertise some inevitable Netflix documentary/reality TV series crossover. Because Gwyneth no longer has just her head up her vagina; she has crawled all the way inside. I am torn between suggesting this is a very advanced yoga position accessible only to those who have endless free time to practise, and pointing out this is The Human Centipede, but for extreme narcissists. Let’s go with both.

So Gwyneth has made a candle called This Smells Like My Vagina because, well, of course she has. It is priced at a comparatively bargain £58, which was pretty much what the sex dust cost, which makes me think Gwyneth is underpricing her vagina, really, if she is just selling it for the price of a load of old dust. And I say “was what the sex dust cost” because the sex dust, like the vagina candle, sold out.

Yes, Gwyneth’s vagina has been good to us, but it has primarily been good to her. Well, in the main. As all of us ladies know, sometimes there can be problems in that department, and while most of us sort ours out with a dose of Canesten, Gwyneth’s vagina problem, in classic Gwyneth fashion, ended up costing her $145,000 (£110,000). This was in 2018 when her near-notorious wellness company, Goop, was fined under California’s civil penalties laws for making what was described as “unsubstantiated” marketing claims about the aforementioned jade egg. It turns out, incredibly, that shoving a random object up your vagina won’t “balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, prevent uterine prolapse and increase bladder control”.

2020 is a great year to be alive, isn’t it? I’ll drink to that! I mean really when aliens land on this Earth 200 years from now, they will look back at GOOP and go “WTF! Why hasn’t this species been conquered already by now?”. And really I’ll take medical advice from someone who recommended that women should shove plastic eggs up their vaginal cavities. Come on people, let’s get real here. As if that’s not enough, Erika Badu took Paltrow’s idea and said “hold my incense!”.

Vagina-scented home fragrances are having a moment, and could well take over from the cosy, wintry aromas that are still filling our homes with a warm-from-the-cookie-oven glow.

Your Magic Winter Forest candle may well make you feel as though you’re snuggled up in an adorable pine log cabin, but can it ever compete with inhaling the intimate bouquet of a celebrity’s nether regions?

Following in the Goopy footsteps of Gwyneth Paltrow, Grammy award-winning singer-songwriter Erykah Badu is set to release an NSFW incense inspired by fragrances from her own lady garden..

And now, thanks to a pungent new incense product, you don’t even need to be within sniffing distance of Badu to fall under the mythical spell of her velvet vault.

Described as an ‘olfactory tribute to what Badu calls her “superpower”‘, this straight-to-the-point incense line will be called ‘Badu’s P*ssy’.

Maybe grounded up used panties are the secret ingredient to Sex Panther? Yeah probably. Now here’s the thing guys, you might be thinking “Where’s the This Smells Like My Penis” candle? Well I first off am sad to report that one actually exists. But here’s the thing – even if it does exist, there’s no way, shape or form it has the same impact. Nobody wants a penis candle in their face. Penis Candle, saw them at the Troubadour, by the way, awesome band.

Twitter was flooded with jokes, outraged comments, and labia-themed memes last week when Gwyneth Paltrow's controversial wellness company, Goop, released a $75 vagina-scented candle called "This Smells Like My Vagina."

Now, there is another genital-themed candle hitting the market.

For those inclined, a $100 candle called "This Smells Like My Penis" will soon be available to purchase online.

It is exactly the same scent, shape and size as Goop's candle, but this one, made by a Canadian ad agency, is designed to raise awareness about the gender pay gap in Canada.

"The Smells Like My Penis candle is no different from The Smells Like My Vagina candle, except for no apparent reason it's worth 25% more," Allegra Weisenfeld, a junior copy writer for Taxi Agency, told Insider.

Ahh!!! Damn, did I need that! But here’s the thing – no matter what brand of junk science you subscribe to – whether it’s Paltrow’s GOOP, Alex Jones’ Infowars, or some guy with an anti-vaxxer blog on Facebook, you should be aware of the key word “junk”. Sure, it might be fun to play around with junk science, but when your hair starts falling out and you can’t taste your tongue, don’t say that we didn’t warn you.

On Jan. 24, Goop, actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle company long criticized for peddling pseudoscience, launched its Netflix documentary series, The Goop Lab. The six-part series covers subjects such as “energy healing,” exorcisms, and cold therapy.

In the show, various Goop employees ⁠— a young and diverse crowd — try such health fads as vampire facials, in which the client’s own blood is drawn and applied to the face, supposedly to promote cell renewal. Another thing they try is the Wim Hof method, which involves jumping into an icy lake after meditation and breathing exercises.

⁠⁠"Something The Goop Lab does is sprinkle in a bit of science by talking about some interesting, real research going on," said Tim Caulfield, the research director of the University of Alberta’s Health Law Institute and author of Is Gwyneth Paltrow Wrong About Everything?: When Celebrity Culture and Science Clash. “That makes everything that follows seem more legitimate. I call that science-ploitation, using real science to sell pseudoscience.”

Caulfield said that research shows when companies use scientific-sounding language to sell their products, it makes their products seem more legitimate to consumers. He pointed to the cosmetics industry, where brands throw around such scientific phrases as “stem cells" and “cannabinoids.”

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 23: WTF Iowa???
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Let’s give the wheel one final spin this week! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Go to jail? Nooooooooo!!!!

Wait, I’ve got that Get Out Of Jail Free card! Sweet! Spin it again! it’s time for Keeping Up With The Candidates!

Welcome back to our 2020 Voters’ Guide called Keeping Up With The Candidates! Yes, we’re 11 months out so we had better be prepared, damn it!! So to recap, in the last few weeks, we’ve discussed the beef between Tulsi and Hillary, we’ve discussed the infighting among Bernie Bros, and we’ve discussed the dropouts including Julian Castro and Bill DeBlasio. Now that we’re supposed to be heading into the primaries, we may have a clear favorite. Or not. The GOP is still up to their dirty tricks. And they played extremely dirty in Iowa. Who was the winner there, we may never know for sure. On one hand Mayor Pete was winning but then Bernie claimed a surge. The real winner here out of all of this? The voting machines.

Those of us who tuned in on Monday night to see the results from the Iowa caucuses were surprised to learn that a poorly-designed smartphone app prevented proper compilation of the results. We were even more surprised Tuesday morning when there still were no official results.

This led to conflicting reports on who really won, and all sorts of conspiracy theories.

More seriously, it caused some pundits to argue that our voting systems will never be secure or reliable. That is simply wrong.

Rather, we should learn from the mistakes made in Iowa and work to make the American election process more robust and trusted. Among the lessons to be learned:

Accurate problem identification. Understandably, much of the discussion about the malicious hacking of elections focuses on cyberattacks on voting machines. But, in Iowa’s caucuses, no voting machines were used. Instead caucus-goers showed up and expressed their preferences publicly. The problems were with the reporting of vote tallies, with the way the app malfunctions were communicated, and with crazy, false reporting that was tweeted and retweeted across the internet.

Well that’s another issue entirely. But that said maybe I don’t know, actually test out the voting equipment before you deploy it next time? Also, maybe don’t make critical phone numbers public before hand? I mean shit, I’m no cyber security expert and I could have seen this coming! Now that said, in a very “Well duh!!!” tone of voice, this could have some potential setbacks for voting by cell phone app. Gee, ya think???

A coding flaw and lack of sufficient testing of an application to record votes in Monday's Iowa Democratic Presidential Caucus will likely hurt the advancement and uptake of online voting.

While there have been hundreds of tests of mobile and online voting platforms in recent years – mostly in small municipal or corporate shareholder and university student elections – online voting technology has yet to be tested for widespread use by the general public in a national election.

“This is one of the cases where we narrowly dodged a bullet,” said Jeremy Epstein, vice chair of the Association for Computing Machinery’s US Technology Policy Committee (USTPC). “The Iowa Democratic Party had planned to allow voters to vote in the caucus using their phones; if this sort of meltdown had happened with actual votes, it would have been an actual disaster. In this case, it's just delayed results and egg on the face of the people who built and purchased the technology.”

The vote tallying app used yesterday in the Iowa Caucus was created by a small Washington-based vendor called Shadow Inc.; the app was funded in part by a nonprofit progressive digital strategy firm named Acronym. Today, Acronyn strived to make it clear through a tweet it did not supply the technology for the Iowa Caucus, and it is no more than an investor.

You know what – if you’re trying to go for a transparent election, maybe don’t buy software from a company called “Shadow Inc”? I’m just saying. That said, what can we expect when the campaign heads to New Hampshire for the next caucus? Well, thanks to the Iowa debacle, you can now expect an Adrian Monk level of phobia when it comes to protecting our vote in the next primary.

There will be no app malfunctions during the New Hampshire primary for one simple reason: There will be no apps. In the troubled aftermath of the Iowa caucuses, officials in charge of the state’s elections on Tuesday are touting their stubbornly analog approach to voting. Rather than overhauling polling places with mobile apps and voting machines, the Granite State has long opted to stick with democracy’s old faithfuls: pencils and paper ballots. According to officials, not only does the state’s electoral Luddism result in fewer glitches, but it also acts as an old-school cybersecurity measure. “You can’t hack a pencil” has become something of a catchphrase for New Hampshire Secretary of State Bill Gardner in the run-up to the primary.

Most polling places in New Hampshire use printed voting registration lists, instead of tablets and laptops, to check people in (poll workers in North Carolina, in contrast, recently had trouble with getting poll books to function on laptops). People then receive a paper ballot, though voters with disabilities can use voting machines, as is required by federal law. The machines, however, ultimately mark a physical ballot. The ballots then go through optical scanners that have all their external ports except for the one for power disabled, and which are programmed by computers disconnected from the internet. (In its 2019 report on Russian election meddling, the Senate’s Select Committee on Intelligence found that paper ballots and scanners, while not perfect, are nevertheless the “least vulnerable to cyber-attack” compared to other voting systems.) While voting in New Hampshire is not completely lacking in digital components, the core mechanism is pencil to paper, rather than finger to touchscreen.

New Hampshire is by no means problem-proof. According to the Concord Monitor, the local government is looking replace some of the optical scanners it uses to scan ballots because they’re more than two decades old and still run on Windows XP, which Microsoft stopped supporting in 2014. If the scanners fail, though, the backup plan is to go back to counting votes manually. In general, the state tends to pass up voting technology trends. During the 2000 election between George W. Bush and Al Gore, the state decided not to use the Votomatic punch card ballots that ended up producing hanging chads in Florida, leading to a controversial recount and Supreme Court case.

Ah that’s the kind of thinking we need here in this election. But how do you prevent what happened in Iowa from happening again? On one hand, we have one extreme in Iowa. And in the other extreme, we have New Hampshire. Can you find a common ground between the two extremes? Can you? Leave it of course to my home state of California to come up with the solution. We think.

Department of Elections staff makes preparations for the March 3 election at San Francisco City Hall. Winners may not be known for days after the election.
2of8Department of Elections staff makes preparations for the March 3 election at San Francisco City Hall. Winners may not be known for days after the election.Photo: Liz Hafalia / The Chronicle
The Department of Elections takes questions from voters in preparation for election day March 3 at San Francisco City Hall.
3of8The Department of Elections takes questions from voters in preparation for election day March 3 at San Francisco City Hall.Photo: Liz Hafalia / The Chronicle

An election night, Iowa-style voting debacle isn’t going to happen in California on March 3. But that doesn’t mean primary voters — and anxious Democratic presidential candidates — are going to know the winners that night, or even that week.

California is a huge state with millions of voters, which is reason enough to ensure that nothing moves quickly. Combine that with a statewide commitment to ensure that the most people possible have their votes accurately tallied, and the result is a slow-moving count.

“Californians should be assured that elections officials across the state work diligently to ensure an accurate and secure vote count,” Secretary of State Alex Padilla said in a statement Tuesday. “All aspects of every election — from the printing and mailing to the counting of ballots — are administered by professional elections officials, not political parties.”

Swiftness, however, is not the most important goal, he added.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Now that Bernie has been gaining momentum in the primaries, we are going to take a look at his ever-growing fan base, called The Bernie Bros, and why are they so angry?

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Lumineers[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a great new album out called “III”. You can see them on tour this summer coming to stadiums near you. Playing their song “Gloria”, give it up for The Lumineers!

Thank you Nashville! We are off to the University Of Michigan next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 12, 2020, 06:01 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-5: They Came In Like A Wrecking Ball Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-5: They Came In Like A Wrecking Ball Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Tallahassee? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Hey I think this is our first time in the Florida Panhandle! Really how cool is that? Anyway, congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on winning their second Super Bowl in franchise history. San Francisco 49ers, you had a great run and you can rest assured that Trump won’t screw up your geography in a tweet. Yeah that happened. Let’s take a second to remind ourselves of the fact that the President Of The United States doesn’t even have a basic knowledge of geography beyond a second grade level. I will repeat that in a much more angry, Lewis Black-esque tone: HE’S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!! And he doesn’t know that Kansas City is in Missouri? Oh yeah let’s take a sharpie over the map and alter it like so… yeah that’s more like it! Because a sharpie makes everything more funny. We learned that last year during the hurricane debacle. I mean this is the kind of thing we’re up against in 2020 – a president who wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground, and a party that is backing his every move with treason. Just how are the Dems not running off that? We should be able to beat the pants off this guy… yeah poor choice of words. Especially considering I hear that he likes that kind of thing. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he suggests that Dems play dirty in the next election and even gives them some free advice:

Wow, this entire thing is taking a turn every single day doesn’t it seem like? Well in the first slot this week is of course the guy who we currently call president Donald J. Trump (1) and did he commit sexual assault back in the 90s? Well a new lawsuit aims to, for lack of a better word, expose that situation for the truth, and it’s funny watching Trumpers try to justify this. Pass the popcorn. In the second slot this week, we’re going across the pond to check in with Brexit (2) and this is it people, Brexit is in effect, and it has the potential to make a bad situation even worse, because that’s what conservatives do. In slot #3 is also Donald J. Trump (3), and in a not at all ironic twist of fate, some extreme weather conditions along the California border in Chula Vista are blowing new sections of Trump’s poorly built border fence into Mexico, and there’s a record length tunnel underneath. You can’t make this up. Taking the fourth slot is also Donald Trump (4). He held one of his rah rah MAGA rallies in New Jersey and his supporters left behind a giant pile of trash, and he’s sticking the city of Wildwood with the bill! Hardly shocking, I know. In slot #5 is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), and this week are former members of the Green Bay Packers running a doomsday prepper cult or is it an innocent fellowship church? After a terrifying incident on Christmas Eve last year, it appears the former and not the latter. And taking the 7th slot this week is “Beating A Dead Horse” – sadly last week we lost Laker legend Koby Bryant in that tragic helicopter crash, but did trashy celebrity tabloid outfit TMZ publish the news of his death before the Bryant family had a chance to be notified? Harvey Levin (7) has some explaining to do! Taking the 8th slot this week is our segment “We’re All Gonna Die” and last week we reported on the deadly Corona Virus originating from Wuhan, China, but it seems that hysteria surrounding the virus has reached epic proportions! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week is a new “People Are Dumb” and since we’re in Florida this week, we’re dedicating it all to Florida Man! And finally this week, we have a new “Keeping Up With The Candidates” – we are going to find out what the fuck happened in Iowa on Monday and the absolute chaos surrounding the Dem primary. And if you are like us and you think that voting by app is a bad idea, well, you're not wrong! And the palate cleanser, we have some live music from our good friends The Dirty Heads! I mean really, buy their new album “Super Moon” or you are no friend of this program. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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OK now that we got that out of the way, we here at the Top 10 writers’ room spent much time debating how we were going to best approach this subject. Because we don’t want to go there, nor do we want to go into too much detail. But considering we’ve covered both Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and Brett Kavanaugh, we feel that we have to cover the latest allegations surrounding the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump. And we can’t help but feel a bit of schadenfreude at watching the people who previously trashed Bill Clinton are now trying to actively find ways to justify Trump’s behavior, and it’s not good.

Writer E. Jean Carroll, who accused President Donald Trump of sexually assaulting her in the 1990s asked for a DNA sample to compare genetic material from the alleged assault Thursday.

Carroll tweeted that a dress she wore the night she said Trump sexually assaulted has been tested and that her attorney sent a subpoena to Trump's attorney to submit a DNA sample.

Roberta Kaplan, an attorney for Carroll, said they have requested a saliva sample from Trump.

In a statement, Carroll said that after the alleged assault in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room she took the black dress she was wearing at the time off and hung it in her closet.

"I only wore it once since then and that was at the photo shoot for the New York Magazine article about my book," Carroll said. "Unidentified male DNA on the dress could prove that Donald Trump not only knows who I am, but also that he violently assaulted me in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman and then defamed me by lying about it and impugning my character."

Yes, oh shit indeed! So we have someone who is actively accusing the guy who is, I don’t know, the President Of The United States, of sexual assault! You know who didn’t assault anyone? Obama. There’s that comparison that Trump wanted. So President Goofus is under fire for this and rightfully so, and you don’t just go accusing someone like that of a crime like that. Except when they did it in the 90s to Bill Clinton.

Carroll accused Trump last summer of raping her in a Manhattan luxury department store dressing room in the mid-1990s.

In a New York magazine piece in June and a book published the next month, Carroll said she and Trump met by chance, chatted and went to the lingerie department for Trump to pick out a gift for an unidentified woman. She said joking banter about trying on a bodysuit ended in a dressing room, where she said Trump reached under her dress, pulled down her tights and raped her as she tried to fight him off, eventually escaping.

“The Donna Karan coatdress still hangs on the back of my closet door, unworn and unlaundered since that evening,” she wrote. She donned it for a photo accompanying the magazine piece.

Trump said in June that Carroll was “totally lying” and that he “never met this person in my life.” Trump dismissed a photo of them and their spouses at a social event in 1987 as a moment when he was “standing with my coat on in a line.”

“She is trying to sell a new book – that should indicate her motivation,” he said, adding that the book “should be sold in the fiction section.”

Carroll sued Trump in November, saying he smeared her and hurt her career as a longtime Elle magazine advice columnist by calling her a liar. She seeks unspecified damages and a retraction of Trump’s statements.

Man it just keeps coming doesn’t it? Of course Trump is going to say that Carroll is lying, but considering it was so long ago, we may never know the whole truth. But if you look on the conservative blog-o-sphere, which we unfortunately spent a lot of time doing last week, their justifications are coming quite insane and furiously. Which they are saying that 31 years is a long time to hang onto an article of clothing. Really? That’s the best you got? Please.

“The Donna Karan coatdress still hangs on the back of my closet door, unworn and unlaundered since that evening,” she wrote. She wore it for a photo to accompany the article.

In a statement released on Thursday, Ms Carroll says: “Unidentified male DNA on the dress could prove that Donald Trump not only knows who I am, but also that he violently assaulted me in a dressing room at Bergdorf Goodman and then defamed me by lying about it and impugning my character.”

In January, President Trump’s lawyers asked a judge to throw out the defamation case arguing that the suit cannot be tried in a New York state court because his statements were made in Washington, DC. Trump lawyer Lawrence S Rosen wrote at the time that New York law does not allow for defamation suits over statements made elsewhere, except in circumstances that Carroll’s case does not meet.

Justice Doris Ling-Cohan of State Supreme Court in Manhattan rejected the argument on the basis that Trump had failed to provide any evidence to support his position — “not even a tweet, much less an affidavit.” She also denied a request that discovery be stayed.

WTF indeed, there’s no way Trump would tweet about this. Though we can certainly picture it – there’s plenty of ways that he could, and I’m sure all of them would end with “SAD!!!”. But of course, like the trash left at one of his MAGA rallies, he’s attempting to throw it out, but also like the trash at a MAGA rally, he’s going to get stuck with it while someone else gets the check.

President Donald Trump has failed in his legal bid to throw out a defamation lawsuit filed against him from advice columnist E. Jean Carroll, who accuses Trump of raping her 24 years ago. A New York state judge ruled that Carroll can now proceed with her lawsuit that alleges that Trump defamed her when he made public comments denying that he raped her. Trump’s lawyers tried to invalidate the lawsuit on the basis that he was not in New York and didn’t live in the state when he made his comments, so New York’s courts didn’t have jurisdiction to hear the case. However, Justice Doris Ling-Cohan said Trump failed to support that position with evidence, saying: “There is not even a tweet, much less an affidavit by defendant Trump in support of his motion.” Roberta Kaplan, a lawyer for Carroll, said: “We look forward to moving ahead in this case and proving that Donald Trump lied when he told the world that he did not rape our client and had not even met her.” Carroll alleged last year that Trump raped her in a dressing room at the Bergdorf Goodman department store in the mid-1990s.

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[font size="8"]Brexit Begins
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Let’s check in with our good friends across the pond and marvel at the just colossal shit show that is the Brexit election. As an American looking on from abroad, I can’t help but just sit in awe of the sheer insanity that has been Brexit. Just when I think our government can't get any crazier, England comes along and says "Hold my pint of Boddington's!". It started as a social media campaign and was filled with as much disinformation as the 2016 election was. And had the same outcome, which was to topple the government and throw everyone in a tailspin. Now, it’s official. Last Thursday, British conservatives, which you might know as the Tories, celebrated as Boris Johnson’s Brexit became official. The UK is going to leave the EU. But that’s the gist of the headline. They’re in for a hell of fight if people read past the headlines.

Just three days after their formal parting, Britain and the European Union were already at loggerheads Monday over a future trade deal, setting the stage for months of bluster and bickering over how to refashion their economic and political ties.

With Britain’s formal exit from the bloc on Friday night, many Britons had hoped to finally put the Brexit nightmare behind them.

But judging by the statements from both sides of the English Channel on Monday, that hope seems likely to be unfulfilled.

In remarks in Brussels, Europe’s chief negotiator, Michel Barnier, adopted a steely tone, insisting that Britain must commit to preventing unfair competition if it wants access to the market of 450 million Europeans without tariffs and quotas.

Prime Minister Boris Johnson responded from London by threatening to walk away from talks if the European Union tries to tie Britain too closely to its rules as a price for a free-trade agreement. Mr. Johnson also called for an end to “hysterical” fears about American food entering Britain — a reminder to Europeans that he hopes to strike a post-Brexit trade deal with the United States, too.

Yeah so Boris Johnson and his doppleganger Donald Trump entering into a trade deal while ignoring the rest of the EU? What could possibly go wrong? But British conservatives looking to pop the champagne should probably put the corks back on the bottle. It’s not that easy and it’s definitely not over yet. Oh no, strap in guys, because you’re in it for the long haul.

Occasionally, taking politicians at their word is more revealing than looking for the hidden meaning. When Donald Trump says he loves tariffs, maybe he does. When Emmanuel Macron says NATO is brain-dead and needs fundamental reform to survive, he might mean it. And when Boris Johnson says Brexit is about taking back control, perhaps he believes this too.

That was certainly the message the prime minister conveyed yesterday in the most consequential speech of his post-election premiership to date, setting out his vision for the future relationship between the U.K. and the European Union. The point was simple and clear: Britain will not bind itself to EU rules as the price of a trade deal. Instead, Johnson said, the country would regain “full legal autonomy.” It would, to use his oft-repeated phrase, “take back control.”

No one should be surprised. As one of the leaders of the campaign to take Britain out of the EU, Johnson claimed that the foundation of British prosperity was democracy—the ability to adapt—not the ease of business within an immense open market. After the referendum, he resigned from Theresa May’s government when the former prime minister unveiled her proposed Brexit deal, which would have seen Britain continue to accept EU rules even after its exit. Johnson decried this as economic vassalage and quit in protest.

Since becoming prime minister, Johnson has stuck to this script. Before the general election, Johnson chose the Brexit model that prioritized sovereignty and maximum freedom from the EU, even at the cost of erecting an internal U.K. border with Northern Ireland (and ignoring economic forecasts that a more distant relationship with the EU would be worse for the British economy). Now, empowered by his landslide general-election victory, he is once again putting sovereignty first.


Yeah no, that might have worked on Animal House, but it doesn’t work in real life. So the question is, are countries celebrating Brexit? Are they telling the UK to go take a hike or are they like the pathetic ex kneeling on your doorstep going “PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!!! PLEASE!!!”. Well, Scotland could be the next great divide in the EU, declaring its’ independence from the UK. And that could make an already ugly situation that much worse.

In the 2014 referendum campaign, the EU's top official actively discouraged the Yes movement.

The then president of the European Commission, Jose Manuel Barroso, said securing membership would be "extremely difficult, if not impossible" for Scotland.

Several EU foreign ministers also made clear an independent Scotland would need to apply to get back in, contradicting the Scottish government's plan to seek continued membership.

That was when the UK was a full member of the EU. It enjoyed the solidarity of the other 27 countries.

With Brexit, that can no longer be relied upon.

That's not to say serving EU leaders want to promote Scottish independence.

Yeah so just like a group of cells, England divided from the EU, and Scotland could divide from the UK, which would make this worse. But this is proving that conservatives really are the same no matter what country you’re in. And for British conservatives celebrating this, yeah maybe don’t. Because you should know all the facts before you cut the cord.

Brexit is – allegedly – done. The UK is no longer a member state of the European Union, so in this sense at least, the outcome of the 2016 referendum has finally been honoured. But how done is “done”? And what happens next? While Brexit to date has hardly been easy, a new report by the UK in a Changing Europe shows that much of the real work still lies ahead.

First, there are negotiations. These will require trade-offs. The government now faces a choice between aligning with existing EU rules, which will allow for more trade, and regulatory autonomy, which grants the UK national control but makes trade harder. That choice will have consequences.

Before those consequences really kick in, however, the government will need to start forming new policies in areas where the EU has played a significant role to date. Among the most obvious are agriculture, environment and immigration. Under Michael Gove’s leadership, the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs developed radical policies on the first two, which it falls to his successor to implement. The EU will be looking on anxiously to see whether Britain’s future legislation on these areas signals its commitment to maintaining and enforcing the high standards that EU membership prescribes.

On immigration, however, change could be rapid. The task facing the government – devising and implementing a new, points-based immigration system – is challenging and potentially disruptive to sectors that currently depend on a steady supply of labour from the EU.

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[font size="8"]Trump’s Border Wall
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This has to be one of my favorite stories of this week or any week. In a not at all ironic or shocking twist of fate, it appears that the only thing going over the border into Mexico appears to be Trump’s border wall itself. I mean the underlying irony of it all. And that’s something that Trump doesn’t even begin to understand, is the concept of irony. This is seriously what happens when you spend a lot of money on something that looks pretty but will break the second you touch it. That’s all this border wall is designed to do – look pretty and that’s about it. Is it effective? No. Can it be cut through? Yes. Can it be tunneled under? Most definitely. Hell, it can’t even stand up to nature.

Portions of the U.S.-Mexico wall partially fell along the California border on Wednesday as the barriers crumpled under stiff inland winds, officials said.

The steel barriers that separate El Centro, east of San Diego, and the Baja California city of Mexicali fell toward the Mexican side.

"High winds had impacted a handful of panels under construction yesterday afternoon," U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Ralph DeSio said in a statement to NBC News on Thursday.

"No property damage or injuries were sustained during this uncommon event while the concrete was drying and construction remains ongoing."

The 30-foot panels buckled under gusts of 40 mph. Damaged panels had been replaced by Thursday, officials said.

Seriously, Wile E. Coyote couldn't come up with a more ironic trap than this. And here’s where it gets weird, because this is the Donald J. Trump administration that we are living in. Everything gets weird and awkward. This is an era where you can’t make up the news and it is super weird. But let’s examine what’s going on with the border wall further. If you expand on this, the collapse of the border wall revealed one of the largest smuggling tunnels ever built!

As President Donald Trump continues to make the case for a wall on the United States' southern border, Mexican and US authorities are uncovering smuggling tunnels beneath it.

In a tweet Wednesday, Trump pointed to Europe while insisting border walls “have all been recognized as close to 100% successful,” even after the president was told by a Border Patrol agent while in Texas last week about the recent discovery of two drug-smuggling tunnels beneath the border there.

Also last week, Mexican federal police posted a tweet about the discovery of a smuggling tunnel under the state of Sonora's border with Arizona.

While standing 70 feet underground in the Galvez smuggling tunnel between Tijuana and San Diego, Border Patrol agent Lance Lenoir told NBC News last year that border fencing will not stop drug smugglers.

"As long as they get from point A to point B in secret, they're going to do it," Lenoir said. "They're always tunneling somewhere."

And that’s pretty much the extent of the actual effect of Trump’s wall right now. So Trump claims a lot of things about the wall – like it will stop people from coming over the border. No it wont. Hell, it can’t even stand up to the elements. The wall is even susceptible to flash floods and harsh terrain! Yes, it can be knocked down by winds. Just really, this is quite possibly insane.

President Trump's border wall probably will require the installation of hundreds of storm gates to prevent flash floods from undermining or knocking it over, gates that must be left open for months every summer during "monsoon season" in the desert, according to U.S. border officials, agents and engineers familiar with the plans.

The open, unmanned gates in remote areas already have allowed for the easy entry of smugglers and migrants into the United States.

At locations along the U.S. southern border where such gates already are in operation, Border Patrol agents must manually raise them every year before the arrival of the summer thunderstorms that convert riverbeds into raging torrents that carry massive amounts of water and debris, including sediment, rocks, tree limbs and vegetation. Trump's wall, which features 30-foot metal bollards spaced four inches apart, effectively acts as a sewer grate that traps the debris; when clogged, the barriers cannot withstand the power of the runoff.

Because the gates typically are located in isolated areas that lack electricity, they cannot be operated from afar. That requires the Border Patrol to leave the gates open for months, increasing the need for U.S. agents to monitor the sites because smugglers and other border-crossers can enter through the large gaps and ­advance northward following stream channels and narrow canyons to avoid detection.

Except it’s not the Mongolians, it’s Mother Nature! This is, like I said, this is what happens when you spend a lot of money to make something look pretty when it’s really just a cheap piece of shit. Think of it like those people who put Bentley grills on a 2006 Chrysler 300 to make it more expensive. But the bottom line is, you’re driving a 2006 Chrysler 300, Tom! You’re not fooling anyone! And speaking of expensive, crappy things, how much is this shit gonna cost?

The U.S. Customs and Border Protection reported that $11 billion has been spent to build 576 miles of a new “border wall system” since President Donald Trump took office, an overall cost approaching the price of a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier.

That report says Trump’s 576-mile border wall is expected to cost nearly $20 million per mile, which is more expensive than any other wall under construction in the world.

The Department of Homeland Security has asked the Defense Department to finance 270 additional miles of border wall that Trump claims is required to prevent drug smuggling.

If the Trump administration completes all of the wall projects it has set in motion, three-quarters of the U.S. southern border would be walled off from Mexico.

Trump inherited about 650 miles of border structures erected under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama.

Bush’s fence averaged $4 million a mile; Trump’s wall costs five times that—$20 million a mile.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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When Trump does rallies, they only show the rally. They don’t show the behind the scenes aftermath, of course they wouldn’t. He and the MAGA crowd would just attempt to pass it off as fake news. because that’s exactly what they would do if you showed the MAGA crowd the aftermath. Trump comes into cities like Wildwood, New Jersey and leaves behind a wrecking ball of destruction and trash and unpaid bills, and piles of garbage everywhere. Yeah cue Miley Cyrus… THEY CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!! I mean this is what you get when you elect a clown like Donald Trump. You get the whole damn circus that goes with him. So here’s how it originally went down in Wildwood.

President Donald Trump received a warm welcome from an enthusiastic crowd at a rally in Wildwood Tuesday night. Some people waited outside for two days for a chance to see the president.

But not all of them got in.

Many people who stood outside for up to 12 hours didn’t make it into the Wildwoods Convention Center so they watched on a big screen in the parking lot.

With each shoutout and highlight of his ambitions, President Trump drew loud cheers outside the Wildwoods Convention Center, as thousands endured the cold to watch his Keep America Great rally on the big screen.

“This is great, had a wonderful time,” one man said.

Really? And you couldn’t have done a Google search to see the hours of footage from all the other Trump barfs his brain rallies? But then it takes a turn. Like what happened when they showed the aftermath of the original Woodstock Festival kind of turn. Sure, everyone had a great time, but who cleans up the trash and gets stuck with the bill? Why it’s the city of Wildwood, New Jersey!

As the dust settled after President Donald Trump’s rally in Wildwood Jan. 28, the city and its residents were left to account for the impact the large winter crowd had on the community.

Trish Asselta started working in her family’s Wildwood business over 65 years ago, when she was 6 years old, stocking glasses.

Asselta, 72, who owns Duffinetti’s Restaurant and Lounge, located two blocks from the Wildwoods Convention Center, said it was a day unlike any other.

“I would say it was two Fourth of Julys in one day,” Asselta said. “The dining room, the bar, everyone was singing, everyone was so happy.”

Trump’s rally, held at the Convention Center, drew crowds to the winterized shore town, many of whom said they had never been to Wildwood before.

Yup, they came in like a wrecking ball all right, and they wrecked the place good! MAGA! So yeah let’s show that photo for a minute. Hold your boos…

Well on the plus side, if I’m in the market for a folding chair, I know where to go! But really, trash should probably stay in the trash. And as for a MAGA rally, like I was saying, you know who gets stuck with the bill after Trump stiffs you on trash cleanup and security? Yup, the city governments, which means you, the taxpayer, get stuck cleaning up his mess!

Donald Trump has raised record amounts of money as a presidential candidate. But he’s still left a slew of unpaid bills in his wake.

In city after city, across the nation, Trump has failed to pay local officials who provide thousands of dollars’ worth of security assistance to the president’s campaign during his Make America Great Again rallies.

In total, at least 10 cities have complained that the campaign has not reimbursed them for services provided by local police and fire departments, totaling more than $840,000, according to a study by the Center for Public Integrity in June.

Minneapolis may find itself next on the list after the president picked a fight with the city’s mayor on Tuesday.

Trump accused Mayor Jacob Frey of overcharging the arena in downtown Minneapolis for services during Trump’s rally, scheduled for Thursday night, alleging that the mayor doesn’t want the president to speak in the overwhelmingly Democratic city.

Good question! And by the way in case you are thinking that this is an isolated incident, boy you are definitely in the wrong place here. Because there was a pro-Trump rally in one of San Francisco’s most progressive neighborhoods that coincided with a rally at a women’s group. And as you can imagine, things got ugly. If you want to know where all this is headed, here’s a sneak peak . And something that I didn’t know existed – MAGA drag. Yes, that’s a thing.

Several dozen Donald Trump supporters rallied in front of the Women’s Building on 18th Street Saturday night — causing a tense and bizarre scene to unfold in the heart of one of San Francisco’s most progressive neighborhoods.

“I want everyone to know that we are going to come out as a fierce, ferocious force in 2020 and re-elect Donald Trump!” screamed Scott Presler, an organizer with #WalkAway, a group aimed at steering the LGBTQ community toward Trumpism and the Republican Party.

Many of his supporters followed by chanting: “USA! USA! USA!” as counter-protesters chanted “No Trump, no KKK, no fascist USA!” Often, demonstrators from both sides got in each other’s faces, sometimes shoving each other — though no physical fights broke out. Police stood by and, at times, had to separate people.

Presler and his group organized the demonstration in response to the Women’s Building apparently canceling a “town hall” the group scheduled for 6:30 p.m. in the auditorium. Representatives from the Women’s Building have not yet returned our inquiries, and it’s unclear if the nonprofit was aware it had scheduled a pro-Trump event.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Inside The Packers Cult
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

Football is practically a religion in some areas of the country. And then in some areas of the country, religion is defined by football. And then there’s the state of Wisconsin which takes the concept of football and religion to entirely new heights with their worship of the Green Bay Packers. The Packers are one of the only community controlled teams in the entire world, with the other team being Spain’s FC Barcelona. But what happens when they take their love of football and religion too far? Well that’s when you get this. An innocent sounding church in Green Bay, Wisconsin, run by former Packer Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, goes by the name of Straitway Truth Ministries, has much darker and more sinister after hours that go on behind the scenes. Ultimately leading up to this incident on Christmas Eve of last year.

As a former member of the Green Bay Packers, Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila hadn’t been in the news much since being inducted into the Packers Hall of Fame in 2013 for his 74½ sacks during his four-year career.

Until last month.

That’s when two young men, reportedly acting on his instructions, walked into a church Christmas pageant while carrying 34 rounds of ammunition and two handguns. They never displayed the guns, never caused any kind of disturbance. But they refused to leave at the order of the school headmaster or the orders of the six Green Bay police officers who responded to the scene.

It was a Tuesday evening, Dec. 17 at the Assembly of God Church, 1460 Shawano Ave., where the private Providence Academy was putting on its annual Christmas pageant.

Jordan Salmi, 24, of Onalaska, and Ryan Desmith, 22, of Friendship, were arrested that night. They are charged in Brown County Circuit Court with misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct and carrying concealed weapons. Desmith is also charged with obstructing officers.

Gbaja-Biamila was there, but he was not arrested or charged.

This incident raises many questions – like who was there? And who knew about the incident ahead of time? And also, what kind of fellowship ministry racks up enough weapons and ammo to take out a small army? Well, apparently Gbaja-Biamila has some friends who are very high ranking members of the church that may or may not have racked up all these weapons and ammo that were carried into the Christmas Eve pageant.

Two men described as followers of former Green Bay Packer Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila made a contentious appearance in court Tuesday in connection to an incident at a Green Bay church.

Ryan DeSmith, 22, and Jordan Salmi, 24 made initial appearances in front of Court Commissioner Cynthia Vopal in Brown County.

Both men are charged with Carrying a Concealed Weapon, Resisting or Obstructing an Officer, and Disorderly Conduct. They were arrested Dec. 17 after showing up armed with loaded pistols to a Christmas pageant at Assembly of God Church. KGB, a Hewbrew Israelite, says he does not approve of his children being in a Christmas pageant. CLICK HERE for details from criminal complaints filed against Salmi and DeSmith.

DeSmith was called before the commissioner first. He did not have an attorney. He refused to answer the commissioner's questions.

So is Straitway Truth Ministries a Christian church, a fellowship, or is it a scary Doomsday Prepper cult with apocalyptic end times fantasies? It could be one, it could be another, or it could be a combination of all of the above. But the cryptic language that Gbaja-Biamila has been using, and the fact that he’s refusing to cooperate with authorities, is nothing new. In fact this could be a symptom of a much larger problem.

“i man known as (Muhammed-Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila) am in the state of ‘man’ now: past: forthwith,” the handwritten note filed with the Brown County Clerk of Court reads in part. “Not a Defendant: Respondant all benefits: maybe: waived by i.”

If you were the judge in the former Packers player’s divorce proceeding and received that note, you might be more than a little puzzled about what you were being asked to do.

But the peculiar language that Gbaja-Biamila and his associates have been using to baffle the Brown County court system and confuse the public in recent months is straight out of the “sovereign citizen” playbook born out of the white supremacist movement of the 1960s and 1970s, according to an expert in the subject.

Gbaja-Biamila's associates, or “brothers,” as he refers to them, have filed equally cryptic documents in Brown County Circuit Court, where they are accused of carrying concealed firearms into a children’s Christmas pageant put on by Providence Academy, a Christian school that three of Gbaja-Biamila's children attend.

Yeah probably not. But here is where the story simply gets weird. Not only are there reports that a Tennessee branch of this church is supporting them (Ed. Note: A subscription service was preventing us from posting that article) , but he actually went on Youtube to describe his role in the incident in the week following. Not only does this raise more questions than answers, but why go on Youtube to do this? Why not?

Former Packers player Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila was nearly arrested — and two of his friends were arrested — Tuesday night in an incident that apparently arose from a family dispute over religious differences.

The incident happened about 6:15 p.m. Tuesday when Jordan Salmi, 24,and Ryan Desmith, 22, showed up at Assembly of God Church, 1460 Shawano Ave., which was hosting a Christmas pageant being put on by the private Providence Academy, according to Capt. Kevin Warych of the Green Bay Police Department.

“The officers responded to that church for a report of a trespassing complaint,” Warych said. “They came into contact with staff, who reported two individuals who were asked to leave but weren’t leaving….When the officers made contact with the two individuals, the officers tried to convince them to leave, but they did not. They were subsequently arrested for trespassing.”

Both were found to be carrying concealed weapons but had no permits, Warych said.

Yeah probably. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Tallahassee! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know we love to talk shit on Liberty University here, and they quite frankly deserve every bit of it. For they are controlled by a very foul and evil supporter of the unholy Dark One, whose name shall *NOT* be mentioned in my church! And does it not say in our Good Book that greed is evil, and those who partake in the greed shall be punished by GAWD? Yes, our GAWD works both ways, does he not? But not the GAWD that Mr. Falwell chooses to worship, because his GAWD chooses greed and fear, and those are things that do not sit well in my church. But his Vexit plan is quite possibly insane. And here’s more.

West Virginia became its own state in 1863 in the middle of the Civil War.

Creation of the West Virginia/Virginia border required multiple elections, including a decision by President Lincoln to override objections by half of his cabinet, and a Supreme Court decision validating an irregular election. In the end, 50 counties would be incorporated into a new state, and 99 counties would be left behind in the remnant of Virginia.

West Virginia is the only state to be formed by seceding from a Confederate state.

Some Virginia border counties were given the choice to become part of the new state if their residents approved. Berkeley and Jefferson counties gave their nod, siding with the Union.

West Virginia is the only state to be formed by seceding from a Confederate state.

Some Virginia border counties were given the choice to become part of the new state if their residents approved. Berkeley and Jefferson counties gave their nod, siding with the Union.

So that’s it? You don’t like someone you think you can just pack up and leave? Well that doesn’t work in our Good Book, does it not? Can I get an amen??? Well in our Good Book it says to love your fellow man, and you should do that, rather than just secede and go somewhere else! We preach love and tolerance in my church, and not hate and division! And it’s all over your guns? Is that it?

“Folks who are concerned with our 2nd Amendment rights are probably the most motivated, the most mobilized, and the most afraid of what plans our Governor and legislature have," Boyer said. “This is not a show, this is not politicians talking. This is the voice of old Virginia.”

The idea for a Vexit has also been backed by Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr. and West Virginia Governor Jim Justice.

“Even if it doesn’t completely succeed, it will send a clear message," Falwell said regarding a possible Vexit in a news conference with Justice last week.

Boyer handed out thousands of Vexit fliers during the gun show, but some attendees such as Stephen Smith were not convinced that it is a realistic possibility. However, Smith said he is not surprised the rhetoric has reached this point, considering the power struggle concerning the Second Amendment in Virginia.

“The majority of counties in Virginia showed that they want their rights. I believe in our Second Amendment rights wholeheartedly, and I think our government is losing control of that," Smith said. “If the answer is this, then so be it. Obviously I’m a Virginian, and I’d like to stay a Virginian, but it’s got to be the right way.”


So what are the benefits? What do people expect to gain out of this ungodly and insane plan? Well there’s really only just one person who stands to benefit from this. But let’s sell it under the cause of your gun rights are being taken away. Because I’m sure that’s what the Good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, am I not wrong? Oh no, it’s the opposite of what he would have wanted!

"If you're not truly happy where you are," Justice said during the news conference, "we stand with open arms to take you from Virginia or anywhere else you may be."

"While there will likely be a robust debate about how cities and counties could leave their home state of Virginia, one thing is absolutely certain," Falwell said. "Many counties are taking a long, hard look at escaping the barbaric, totalitarian and corrupt Democratic regime in Richmond that is trampling on individual rights in the state."

Falwell cited a number of issues, including abortion, gun rights, environmental regulations and a budget proposal that would eliminate tuition assistance for students in online programs at private colleges, including Liberty University.

Tuesday afternoon, a spokesperson for Governor Ralph Northam offered a brief response:

"Sounds like it's an election year in West Virginia."

And, "As always, Jerry Falwell's words speak for themselves."

Really, Governor? That’s your best statement? They’re threatening to take whole precincts away from you and Falwell’s words speak for themselves? Falwell is what one might call a “snake oil salesman” – he preaches nothing but a product that doesn’t really exist. He, and only he, will benefit from this proposed atrocity!

In a partnership that befits our deeply stupid time, Governor Jim Justice of West Virginia has teamed up with Jerry Falwell Jr., Liberty University president and Florida hotelier, to advance a new project. Both men have come out in support of Vexit, an effort to expand the state of West Virginia by convincing some parts of Virginia to secede. According to Justice, Virginians unhappy with their Democratic state government ought to join their counties to West Virginia, where the GOP still holds sway. “If you are out there, no matter where you may be, Virginia or wherever you may be, as an individual or as a business or whatever, West Virginia is waiting for you with open arms,” he said. A charming proposal!

Falwell, meanwhile, mostly seems concerned about his university’s bottom line. In his remarks, he singled out a legislative proposal that would, in his words, end public aid to “thousands of online students attending private colleges, while increasing aid for more affluent resident students.” As Religion News Service noted in a piece on the press conference, online students make up a massive portion of Liberty’s overall student body, and a reduction to their numbers would have significant financial consequences for the university, and for Falwell himself.

Obviously, there is a lot going on here, and it is all bad. As a product of southwestern Virginia, I do not regard our brothers and sisters across the border with any sort of hostility. West Virginia is a beautiful state with a proud history of militant labor action — a lot to celebrate! But Vexit itself is best understood as the symptom of a broader reactionary backlash to Virginia’s new status as a blue state. I’ll explain:

So what did we learn this week? We learned that Jerry Falwell Jr is a man that is more concerned with his own business that he will literally shake up the border in Virginia, and pander to the gun nuts to get it. And that is not what our good LAWRD JAYSUS would want, that sounds like something that Satan would want. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: TMZ & Kobe
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No matter where you were last Sunday, everyone will remember where they were when they heard the news that LA Lakers legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and seven others were killed in that devastating helicopter crash in Calabasas, California. Me personally? I was in the bathroom and the news alert came up on my phone. I’m just saying it happens. That aside, one man who is getting a lot of shit for reporting the news is Harvey Levin, who is of course the president of everyone’s favorite celebrity tabloid trash TV outlet TMZ. But the question is – how the hell did TMZ get a hold of the news about the helicopter crash before the entire world knew about it?

“We got a tip that this had happened…it was from somebody who would have been in a position to know this and it wasn’t enough for me or for the team, so we worked for a solid hour after making a slew of phone calls, Levin told FOX 11 anchor Elex Michaelson.

“I was personally on the phone with various people in Kobe’s camp and I got it confirmed by them and we posted the story.”

During a press briefing following the crash, Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva criticized TMZ for posting the story before the families of some victims were notified.

Levin defended TMZ's decision making process.“The issue is…how long do you hold it?

As far as I could see, the Sheriff just identified Kobe in the news conference yesterday…” he said. Levin compared it to a TV network reporting on the crash of an airplane.

Ah, now *THIS* is a quid pro quo situation! And I like how non-chalant Harvey is with his suggestion that he “got a tip”. It’s kind of like the Youtube comments section of a popular video when someone just posts “FIRST!!!!” and then leaves, but not before said poster gets bombarded with a million comments that follow and point out that they weren't actually the first poster because there were 15 other comments that were posted 3 minutes after the actual video was posted. Yeah you probably got there before anyone else, but then again just because you could do it doesn’t mean you should. But is anyone really shocked that TMZ got this information that quickly? Even the Chicago PD couldn’t put out a press release that fast!

Interim Chicago Police Supt. Charlie Beck said he didn’t blink an eye when TMZ reported that Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter had been killed in a helicopter crash before Bryant’s wife and three surviving daughters had been notified.

It was par for the course in the celebrity-driven frenzy that Beck said he endured for 41 years in his rise to the top of the Los Angeles Police Department.

“If you put your hand in a rattlesnake’s cage, it bites you. Don’t blame the rattlesnake. That’s just the way they are,” Beck said.

“I went through Camp O.J. I can’t even explain that to you,” Beck said, referring to O.J Simpson’s arrest for the murders of his wife, Nicole, and her friend, Ronald Goldman, that culminated in the celebrity trial of the century and a controversial acquittal.

“The world-wide crush of media across the street from the courthouse during the trial was incredible....Nobody had ever seen that before. I mean - satellite trucks lined up as far as you can see and reporters just going insane for any O.J. news.”

Seriously, even the guy who was OJ’s arresting officer isn’t surprised that celebrity tabloid journalism gets it first. But come on this is one that is definitely on TMZ here. But at least per the LA County Sheriff office, was it disrespectful of TMZ to do what they did? Was this the work of reporters just doing their jobs or was it the equivalent of the guy on Youtube who posts “FIRST!!!” on a popular channel?

At 2:24 p.m. ET, TMZ posted the story that stunned the world on Sunday: Basketball legend Kobe Bryant, at the age of 41, had died in a California helicopter crash.
The tectonic news, which the celebrity-gossip website was first to report, swept the nation as other news organizations quickly confirmed the story.

It also upset police who suggested the speed in which TMZ had reported the news -- a little more than an hour after police said they received reports of a downed aircraft -- outpaced that of officers who were seeking to notify the family members of victims.

During a press conference, Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva took a swipe at the website when explaining to reporters why he would not yet confirm the identities of those who were aboard the helicopter when it crashed.

"It would be extremely disrespectful to understand that your loved one ... perished and you learn about it from TMZ," Villanueva said. "That is just wholly inappropriate."

That is a good point sir! But who really was alerted first? Was it the LAPD? Was it the FAA? Was it Kobe’s family? We may never know because there’s so many conflicting reports out there. Seriously, it’s Kobe Bryant, the guy was a legend. And it’s so weird that we’re talking about him in past tense because it happened so suddenly. But does TMZ really need to be cancelled for it? Really?

A Change.org petition is calling on Fox Television Stations to cancel TMZ in the wake of the tragic helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna and seven others.

"Basketball legend Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna died in a horrific helicopter crash, and TMZ LEAKED the news before the authorities were even able to notify the family," the petition reads. "That means that Vanessa Bryant found out about the death of her husband and child through TMZ, tweets, or comments."

The petition, called "IT'S TIME FOR FOX TO CANCEL TMZ AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO KOBE BRYANT'S FAMILY", says TMZ's actions were "beyond not ok" and hopes to "get TMZ taken down once and for all."

At a Sunday news conference after the crash, Los Angeles Sheriff Alex Villanueva said it would be "inappropriate" to identify the crash victims before the coroner made the identification to next of kin.

"It'd be extremely disrespectful to understand that your loved one was perished and you learned about it from TMZ," said Villanueva. "That is just wholly inappropriate, so we're not gonna be going there. We're gonna wait until the coroner does their job."

No calm down, nobody is cancelling anybody yet. But let this be a lesson of how fast news travels in the social media age. The crash happened at approximately 9:00 AM last Sunday. In that half an hour, the police were able to identify who it was, and TMZ got it out there before Kobe’s family was notified of what happened. And no, TMZ is *NOT* where I want to get my news from when something this horrible happens. Thank you.

Los Angeles County Sheriff Alex Villanueva appeared to take aim at celebrity news outlet TMZ in the wake of Kobe Bryant’s fatal helicopter crash, hinting that the news outlet rushed to publish the story before next of kin had been notified.

Villanueva released a statement on Sunday afternoon in the aftermath of the crash in Calabasas that claimed the life of the NBA legend, his 13-year-old daughter, and seven other people. Names of those killed in the crash had not been fully released, though it was confirmed that one on board was Orange Coast baseball coach John Altobelli.

In the statement, Villanueva said that the flight manifest showed that there were a total of nine people on board, including the pilot and eight passengers, but he said he would not confirm the identities until families of those killed had been notified. He called out TMZ by name in the statement.

“It would be extremely disrespectful to understand that your loved one has perished and you learn about it from TMZ. That is just wholly inappropriate so we’re not going to be going there,” he said.

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die!!! Woooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! Woooooooo!! Wooo. Woo. Yeah it’s not really that exciting because the latest insanity surrounding the Corona Virus coming from the Wuhan region of China just won’t stop. And the World Health Organization definitely isn’t easing our fears into the latest super virus. But first off, let’s cut through some of the bullshit. Yes, the disease can be passed from person to person. But can you pass it to your pets and vice versa? The answer is a definite no!! Come on, people have at least seen the Wes Anderson flick Isle Of Dogs, am I right? No?

Research shows that lots of animals are vulnerable to coronavirus, a large, hardy and sprawling family of pathogens. Birds get avian coronavirus. Pigs get porcine coronavirus. Cows get bovine coronavirus. Horses get equine coronavirus

Dogs are sickened by canine coronavirus disease. It’s a quick but miserable disease, causing diarrhea, vomiting and intestinal distress. It spreads through feces, when your pup eats poop.

Dogs can also be infected by a respiratory form of coronavirus, which causes coughs, sneezes and mobs of mucus.

When cats get coronaviruses, it’s usually not a big deal. They may suffer flu-like symptoms or feel perfectly fine. But every so often, in 5 to 10% of infected cats, the virus mutates and causes Feline Infectious Peritonitis — which is progressive and almost always fatal. It’s a heartbreaking disease, usually striking kittens.

To be sure, viruses don’t respect species boundaries.

Calm down dude, we’re not gonna die, at least not yet. But that’s what happens when you have a population that doesn’t understand basic science and genetics. Why aren’t those things taught in schools? If only there were someone we could ask about that sort of thing. But the real danger here is cruise ships. Yes, cruise ships. If you’ve been on a cruise ship in the last couple of months you might want to get yourself tested.

Shares of Carnival (CCL) - Get Report dropped Monday after the cruise line confirmed that a former passenger has been confirmed to have contracted the coronavirus.

The Diamond Princess cruise ship was being held by Japanese authorities under quarantine at anchor in Yokohama following Japanese news reports that an 80-year old male passenger from Hong Kong boarded the ship in Yokohama on Jan. 20 and disembarked on Jan. 25.

The passenger developed a cough the day before embarking but didn't develop a fever until Jan. 30. A day later, he was confirmed to have the virus while in Hong Kong, according to reports.

"Prioritizing the safety and health of our passengers and crew on board, we are currently working closely with the Japanese health authorities to assist in the inspection," Princess said in a statement.

Last week, Carnival got a boost after the company received the all-clear from Italian health authorities that a passenger on one of its cruise ships tested negative for the deadly coronavirus.

Yeah probably. Especially if you live in my home state of California, where a whopping 3 new cases of the virus have been confirmed. Yes, there have been over 17,000 cases confirmed. And three of them are in California. Really, are you people fucking crazy?? You currently have better odds of winning the lottery than you do of catching the Corona Virus.

Three more cases of the new coronavirus were confirmed in the U.S. on Sunday, all in California, bringing the total number of people in the country with the disease to 11. The weekend also saw the first death blamed on the flu-like illness outside of China.

As of Monday morning there were at least 17,205 confirmed cases in more than two dozen countries, the vast majority of them in China, according to the World Health Organization. There have been 361 deaths, all of them in China except for one confirmed in the Philippines over the weekend.

U.S. officials declared a public health emergency last week and, as a result, foreign nationals who have traveled to China in the last two weeks and aren't immediate family members of U.S. citizens or permanent residents will be temporarily banned from entering the U.S. Under the orders of Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar, anyone entering the U.S. who has been in China's Hubei province in the last two weeks will be subject to a two-week quarantine.

The first 195 Americans evacuated from Wuhan, the epicenter of the outbreak, are under federal quarantine and will remain at a military base in Southern California until mid-February. The government hasn't issued such a quarantine order in more than 50 years.

Hey, again, I said probably! And by the way in case you’re wondering if we live in a period of slow news or not, let’s look to New York, where the insanity is so intense that this was actually a headline. This was in the news! If you’re in New York, you can rest assured that as of this week, there are *NO* confirmed cases of the Corona Virus. But that’s as of this week. Sleep tight everybody!!

Of those 12 suspected cases of coronavirus that New York has seen so far, 11 tests have come back negative.

Governor Andrew Cuomo said one more sample from New York City needs to have results come back from the CDC, but otherwise there are no confirmed cases in the state.

A state website and phone hotline have been established to address concerns and questions about coronavirus. The phone number is 888-364-3065.

International travelers from China are being screened upon arrival from the airport, as of Sunday evening.

Symptoms of the novel coronavirus are similar to the flu, and include a cough, sore throat, and fever.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And as such whenever we visit the great state of Florida, we have to do a special all Florida man edition of People Are Dumb. Look, Florida, we kid. But you do bring the crazy extra hard. And before we get into this, I want to give a shout out to the @Floridaman_ Twitter feed that really just goes beyond to keep track of all the crazy happening in the Sunshine State. Let’s start with this story out of Miami. Sigh here’s the thing people, we may hate Trump here and everything that he stands for. But let’s condone any acts of violence against him or his properties or the people in them. That said, this story has some of everything that makes Florida insane and weird.
A Connecticut woman chastised for dancing on her car at a Palm Beach hotel late Friday morning ended up driving away and crashing her vehicle through two security barricades outside Mar-a-Lago, President Donald Trump’s private club and home, drawing gunfire from law enforcement officers, before leading a police helicopter on a chase that ended in her arrest.

Hannah Roemhild, 30, a trained opera singer, is now in the custody of the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office.

“This is not a terrorist thing,” Palm Beach Sheriff Ric Bradshaw said at a Friday afternoon news conference. “This is somebody that obviously was impaired somehow.”

Roemhild could face charges for assault on both federal and county law enforcement officers, Bradshaw said. No one was injured, although the situation might have easily ended differently, officials indicated.

Trump was not at Mar-a-Lago at the time, but he was expected to arrive at the club Friday evening. The White House said the fracas would not disrupt the president’s travel plans.

That’s right, Dude! Next up, we go to the city of Orlando for this one. And here’s the thing, if you don’t have anything creative to write when you’re hammered and you’ve got a can of spray paint, maybe the best thing to do is just walk away. But not for this guy who painted – I shit you not – the word “slur” on the bathroom wall. This is a thing that happened!

A Florida man who spray painted the word "slur" in a bar bathroom was found with spray cans still in his backpack, according to the Melbourne Police Department.

Police said a witness saw Paul Scott, 24, walk into the men's restroom at Mugs Pub Sunday night with his backpack and when he left, there was wet pink paint on the wall that read, "slur."

When police approached Scott, they said he initially told them he had been in the bar for about 15 minutes and during that time, he had one beer before an employee asked him to leave.

According to authorities, they could hear the sound of aluminum cans coming from Scott's backpack and when they searched it, they found spray paint bottles, and an empty bottle that was still wet, in the same shade of pink as the graffiti inside the restroom.

Next up, we’re going to stay in the city of Orlando – what’s up with Orlando this week? They’re taking double doses of crazy pills! Anyway, I don’t know much about boating, nor will I claim to know anything about boating, but I’m pretty sure this is not how the gas tank on a boat is supposed to operate. But it’s also probably best not to get the fire department involved in your own stupidity as well.

Mistakenly inserting a fuel nozzle into a fishing pole slot, a Florida man pumped $60 worth of gasoline onto the deck of his boat and the ground of a gas station, fire rescue officials said.

The incident happened Monday in the Orlando area, Orange County Fire Rescue spokesman Mike Jachles said on Twitter.

The gas flowed from the fishing pole hole and onto the deck of the 24-foot (7.3 meters) boat. The 31-year-old man realized his mistake and quit pumping.

As he tried to clean up the mess, the gasoline began leaking from the boat onto the ground at the 7-Eleven store. He told personnel and then called the fire department's non-emergency number, Jachles said.

A technical rescue team siphoned the gas from the boat and cleaned up. The situation was described as a “level 3 hazmat,” meaning the potential of hazard was high, Jachles said.

Unless of course you have it inserted in the wrong hole. Yes, thank you sir! That’s what she said! Finally – we go to South Florida and the city of Fort Lauderdale for this one. So we’ve all been the victims of credit and debit card fraud at some point. Because there’s a lot of sleazebags out there to get their hands on your data. But this next story asks a lot of questions, namely, how does one spend $68 at Little Caesars?

A Florida man has been accused of using a Marshfield woman's debit card to purchase $68 in Little Caesar's pizza.

According to to a Marshfield Police Department police report, Elle Wolf of Marshfield had a transaction on her bank statement from a Fort Lauderdale, Florida Little Caesar's location without her consent.

The report says the unidentified Florida man purchased one bacon wrapped deep dish pizza, three stuffed crust pizzas, and three orders of Caesar wings and had delivered to his address via Door Dash.

The charge of $68.80 currently has a process hold on the charge at Wolf's financial institution.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep. 22: The Iowa Caucuses
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! Yes, in this guide we keep all of the news, candidates, issues and polls into one handy place! Last week, we contemplated controversial podcaster Joe Rogan’s endorsement of Bernie Sanders. This week, the Iowa Caucuses are underway! And who won the Iowa Caucuses? The correct answer is that nobody really knows. It’s absolute chaos down there in Des Moines. As of right now – it’s Wednesday at 2:00 PM, yeah it’s still polling at 0%. Bernie’s camp is saying that he won, Mayor Pete’s camp is saying that he won, it could be anyone’s game at this point. So what gives, Iowa? You had one job!

As Monday turned into Tuesday, there was no victor in Iowa. There weren't even any official results. As the campaigns came to learn, the Iowa Democratic Party (IDP) found "inconsistencies" in reporting the three sets of results it promised to deliver. The information was to come from precinct captains, who were to report it through a newly developed app.

But they ran into trouble as caucuses finished, and a backup option to report results over the phone ran into its own issues. When CBS News attempted to call the Iowa Democratic Party Caucus Hotline, a recorded message said, "Thank you for calling the Iowa Democratic Party's Caucus Hotline. All of our operators are currently busy. Your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. We look forward to talking to you soon," before playing hold music.

One precinct captain who was trying to report his results was on hold for an hour and had apparently just gotten through to the IDP — with CNN listening as he was about to report his results — when the party hung up on him on live television.

This wasn't an isolated incident.

"I was on hold for 40 minutes at my precinct. I gave up and hung up and returned to our HQ," said Black Hawk County Vice Chair Nate Guber.

You tell ‘em, Loki! So the fact of the matter is that Iowa reigns in chaos right now and the master of disaster Donald J. Trump rakes in 97% of the republican vote, which is still dwindling in numbers even as we speak. And don’t vote by a fucking app on your smart phone, people. There’s some things that just should not be done by phone, and voting is one of them! Talk about phoning it in, literally in this case!

Is the Iowa caucus dead?

The nation's first contest in presidential elections, the Iowa caucus, has long drawn floods of campaign staff and media attention as political parties try to winnow out their primary field. But the non-result for Democrats on Monday drew questions whether the Hawkeye state should be first to vote.

"This fiasco means the end of the caucuses as a significant American political event. The rest of the country was already losing patience with Iowa anyway and this cooks Iowa's goose. Frankly, it should," David Yepsen, a famed and former Des Moines Register columnist told Politico.

Monday's Democratic caucus was fraught with chaos as the Iowa Democratic Party delayed releasing official results due to widespread reporting problems amid new rules and a new app.

"We found inconsistencies in the reporting of three sets of results," Mandy McClure, communications director for the state party, said in the statement.

Yes, literally one job! And people wonder what the hell is going on with the opposition to Donald J. Trump? Well here’s the thing – if you’re going to vote by a smartphone app, you’re gonna get hacked, I’m just saying it happens. And it doesn’t take a doctorate in IT to figure that one out! So how could this have happened? Well, here’s the thing – DON’T VOTE BY APP!!! It’s that fucking simple. If it sounds like a bad idea it probably is!

The app that the Iowa Democratic Party commissioned to tabulate and report results from the caucuses on Monday was not properly tested at a statewide scale, said people who were briefed on the app by the state party.

It was quickly put together in just the past two months, said the people, some of whom asked to remain anonymous because they were not authorized to speak publicly.

And the party decided to use the app only after another proposal for reporting votes — which entailed having caucus participants call in their votes over the phone — was abandoned, on the advice of Democratic National Committee officials, according to David Jefferson, a board member of Verified Voting, a nonpartisan election integrity organization.

Late Monday night, that chain of events came to a head when results from the Iowa caucuses were significantly delayed. While vote counts in the past have typically been reported earlier in the evening, the Iowa Democratic Party held a conference call with representatives from each campaign at around 10:30 p.m. Eastern time to tell them that roughly 35 percent of precincts had reported, but that it would provide no other details about the results.

A spokeswoman for the state party issued a statement late Monday denying that the delays were the result of the new app’s failure.

So with that disaster in mind, who really won Iowa? Well it’s hard to say especially when they’re moving onto Nevada, and with 0% of the vote in, there’s well, every candidate saying that they won the election, but none have been more vocal about it than Mayor Pete Buttigieg, you know, our good friend from South Bend, Indiana. Yeah, I think you might want to wait until we actually have a vote tallied there, Mayor Pete.

Pete Buttigieg plowed ahead Tuesday with his claims of victory in the Iowa caucuses despite no reporting of results from the state Democratic Party, as he blitzed the morning shows to try to solidify the narrative that he was the clear winner.

In a memo released early Tuesday morning, Buttigieg’s campaign shared its unverified internal data from more than 1,200 precincts.

“It was an extraordinary night, and we are absolutely victorious coming into New Hampshire,” Buttigieg said in an interview on “CBS This Morning.”

“We have the results from our organization, and if you look at what we were able to do, what happened last night, the fact that this campaign was able to gather support in urban, suburban and rural areas alike, in counties that Hillary Clinton won, counties that Donald Trump won, we are thrilled and absolutely consider that a victory,” he added.

Buttigieg’s certainty, however, comes at a moment of uncertainty for the entire Democratic presidential field, which left Iowa with no official indication from the state party of who won the caucuses.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Next week, assuming that we sort through this madness, we will tell you the results of the Nevada poll, or we might tell you that voting by app is a bad idea. But probably some of both.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Dirty Heads[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a really awesome reggae band from Newport Beach, CA, you can see them at the One Love Festival at the Queen Mary on Feb 7th. Playing their song “Fear And Love” from their album “Super Moon”, give it up for the Dirty Heads!

Thank you Tallahassee! This was fun! We are off to Nashville, next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University Of Central Florida, Tallahassee, FL
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Feb 5, 2020, 06:00 PM (3 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-4: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Angry Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-4: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Angry Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Miami? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Finally I get to be someplace warm in the winter! We’ve been up north for a while but man has it been cold! OK I got to be honest we had a much different edition planned for this week but Sunday with the tragic passing of Kobe Bryant happening, well, we got to address that. Don’t worry we will get to the conservative idiocy and possibly a few conspiracy theories and Alex Jones maybe calling it a “false flag” – you know he will – next week. But you can’t deny that Kobe was a legend and the way his life ended on Sunday is just an absolute tragedy. And I will tell you that you’re definitely not going to find solace in my bullshit. No, you’re here because you want to find out which politician showed their dick pick or which politician is suing a cow. Or which member of the Democratic party Trump called a derogatory name to in the last five minutes. And yeah it’s that guy in case you were aware. But this week has had such a weird feel to it, like how do you go on and make fun of Devin Nunes suing a Twitter handle that has the same name as his cow? Just where do you go? It’s just one of those things where you can’t find answers, just entertainment. And we hope that we can provide that for you. OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first while Trump screams “READ THE TRANSCRIPT!!!”, Jordan Klepper of the Daily Show asks “Well, have you?”.

The impeachment trial is turning into quite the shit show isn’t it? In the first slot this week we are going to talk about the Impeachment Trial Of Donald J. Trump (1, 2) and in the first slot we're talking about John Bolton's role in this whole shindigl. In the second slot, while Trump is screaming at people to "read the transcript", have people? Have they? Probably not. In the third slot this week is the Doomsday Clock (3), which thanks to religious conservatives, has ticked another few seconds to midnight, where does that end? Also, cue your favorite Iron Maiden song here. In the number 4 slot this week is a new edition of “We’re All Gonna Die” (4), and are you aware that a new supervirus originating in China is being spread through Asia and has landed in the US? Well, we’re all gonna die!!! In the fifth slot this week, is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re going to investigate a bizarre claim from Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos about his phone getting hacked by the Saudis – how true is it? Spoiler alert! Probably. In the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and our resident pastor attended the annual March For Life in Washington DC, and he’s got some thoughts about what he saw. In the seventh slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” (7). So last week we reported the Houston Astros are dirty cheaters who cheat, but the Los Angeles City Council is taking the concept of “sore loser” to brand new heights! Taking the 8th slot this week, is a new “This Fucking Guy” (8) and we are going to profile the CEO of MyPillow – Mike Lindell, who is a conservative, full MAGA, pro life enthusiast. Yeah puke. And in the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week, we *had* a new I Need A Drink planned before the Kobe tragedy, but we decided that we couldn’t make fun of the death of Mr. Peanut at this time, so instead we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! And finally this week, in our 2020 voters’ guide “Keeping Up With The Candidates”, Tulsi Gabbard is suing Hillary Clinton for claims that she is a Russian asset, but how true is it? We will find out! Plus the palate cleanser, we have some live music from our good friends Cold War Kids! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Impeachment: Part 1
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Impeachment is all over the news and we got to talk about it. But the specific angle that I want to talk about is everyone’s favorite mustachioed James Bond villain sidekick John Bolton. Yes, Bolton’s testimony could be the final nail in the coffin for the Donald J. Trump administration. But most likely probably not. Really this thing with Bolton is turning out to be quite the shit show. Seriously, even Fox News is turning against Bolton. And what do you have to do being a member of the GOP to get Fox News to turn on you?

Former National Security Advisor John Bolton had doubts that President Donald Trump was acting in America's best interests according to a new report, as U.S. politics reels from bombshell allegations reportedly made in the former diplomat's forthcoming book.

Bolton left the administration in September, having clashed with the president on a range of foreign policy issues. Democrats have been pushing for the 71-year-old to testify in Trump's impeachment trial, demands amplified by fresh reports over the contents of his next book.

The Washington Post reported Monday that Bolton was "regularly appalled" by the behavior of the president, citing people close to the fired national security advisor. A person familiar with the book added that Bolton was unsure if Trump was motivated by U.S. interests or by "nefarious" goals, according to the Post. Neither of the newspaper's sources were named.

Bolton's manuscript has given a shot in the arm to Democratic efforts to have witnesses testify at Trump's trial, which the White House and Republican senators have thus far resisted.

So Bolton is defecting! This is quite the interesting turn of events. As the entire world is creeping toward fascism, anti-globalism, and hard right dictatorships. Is this what we really want? I know that I definitely do not want this! Can a guy who was formerly on the inside of the UN be the one to stop this? Quick! To the dictator-mobile! These guys are extremely loud and incredibly angry! Can’t believe I pulled that reference out, did you? Well I’ve got plenty more where that came from!

President Donald Trump's defense lawyers rested with more of a whimper than a bang Tuesday — resigned, perhaps, to the possibility that their boss's time in the crucible of a Senate impeachment trial will not come to an immediate end.

Trump's lawyers even appeared to undermine their own assertions that former national security adviser John Bolton, whose forthcoming book reportedly corroborates the allegation that the president tied U.S. aid for Ukraine to political investigations, should not testify.

Facing stiff headwinds in the form of growing Senate interest in hearing Bolton's story and national polling showing strong public support for witness testimony, the president's defense team quietly appealed for a summary acquittal.

"It will show that you put the Constitution above partisanship," White House counsel Pat Cipollone told senators in closing a nearly three-hour presentation by the defense. "It will show that we can come together on both sides of the aisle and end the era of impeachment for good. ... You know it should end."

So let me get this straight – while Trump’s lawyers were arguing that the trial should be over as quickly as possible, Bolton’s book that is coming out may be the very thing that extends it? Get ready everybody because this could be a very long trial. But the good news is – John Bolton may have very well proven Nancy Pelosi’s claims. This would make him the anti-hero hero of the Democratic Party. You know, like Walter White, but without the meth.

Nancy Pelosi was right.

The Speaker of the House has not been present in the Senate chambers during the impeachment trial of President Trump, but Pelosi's presence looms large over the proceedings. And one of her most consequential choices in pursuing that impeachment — refusing to submit the Articles of Impeachment to the Senate until after the holidays — is bearing fruit: She wanted the Senate trial to include witness testimony, a prospect that seems much more likely now than it did just a few days ago.

Why? Thank John Bolton.

The New York Times on Sunday reported that Bolton, President Trump's former national security adviser, had written a book in which he says Trump told him he wanted to withhold military assistance to Ukraine until that country's officials there helped with an investigation into former Vice President Joe Biden. On Monday, the Times added that Bolton privately told Attorney General William Barr last year he was worried that Trump was granting personal favors to autocratic leaders.

Big stuff. So big, in fact, that Republicans who had seemed opposed to introducing witness testimony at the impeachment trial — preferring instead to rely wholly on arguments made by the president's lawyers and House impeachment managers — on Monday were starting to waver.

No we’re not bringing in the dancing lobsters just yet. This is just a small piece of a very complicated puzzle. You don’t just commit treason against the United States. No sir. You can’t drain the swamp when there’s a turd clogging the drain. And that turd’s name is Donald J. Trump. So what’s the next step as this trial wraps up? What’s the next part of John Bolton’s plan? Well there’s no easy answers, that’s for sure!

Former White House national security adviser John Bolton said Monday he is willing to testify — if he is subpoenaed — in the Senate's impeachment trial of President Donald Trump.
Bolton issued a statement Monday after the courts did not rule whether he would be compelled to testify during the House's impeachment proceedings, saying he was trying to meet his "obligations both as a citizen and as former national security adviser."

"Accordingly, since my testimony is once again at issue, I have had to resolve the serious competing issues as best I could, based on careful consideration and study," Bolton said. "I have concluded that, if the Senate issues a subpoena for my testimony, I am prepared to testify."

Bolton is potentially a crucial witness, as he had firsthand knowledge of many of the events that formed the House's impeachment of the President over his dealings with Ukraine. The House sought his testimony but ultimately never subpoenaed Bolton, and Democrats withdrew their subpoena for his former deputy after it was challenged in court, as Democrats wanted to move forward with their impeachment probe and not wait for the court's decision.

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[font size="8"]Impeachment Part 2
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Yeah so there’s a lot of news and conflicting reports surrounding impeachment coming through the pike and you’re going to be hearing a lot of it. Unfortunately we won’t get to the Trump Barfs His Brain rally in New Jersey this week. Nor will we get to his interview before the Super Bowl. I mean who knew that he could land an interview with Sean Hannity? Really? You really need to know the answer to that question? Because if you have to answer why Sean Hannity is interviewing Trump, you are in the wrong place my friend. It’s been long established on this program that Hannity has his lips super glued to Trump’s ass and not even the strongest crowbar could pry them off.

Fox News host Sean Hannity is set to interview President Donald Trump during the Super Bowl pregame show, Mediaite has learned.

Trump will be sitting down at the White House for the interview with Hannity ahead of Super Bowl LIV on Feb. 2. The highly-rated event, broadcast this year by Fox, will see the Kansas City Chiefs face off against the San Francisco 49ers.

The pre-Super Bowl presidential interview started in 2004, when President George W. Bush chatted with his personal pal Jim Nantz. Barack Obama resumed the tradition in 2009 and it has endured since, with a notable exception: Trump blew off NBC in 2018. He participated again last year, sitting down with CBS anchor Margaret Brennan.

The interview generally takes place in the second half of the four-hour pregame show, and has taken on a newsier bent over time.

The last time Fox hosted the Super Bowl, in 2017, former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly conducted the interview. O’Reilly interviewed President Barack Obama and Bush as well.

Hey man I thought the NFL had a policy against showing boobs on TV! Thank you I will take that one, audience! Back to impeachment. We talked about the witnesses in the first entry. For this entry I want to talk about the transcripts. You know Trump, like the broken record that he is, is insisting that we read the transcripts. Which we’re betting that he hasn’t. We’re also betting most of his supporters haven’t either.

The team of lawyers representing President Donald Trump in his Senate impeachment trial dove into their arguments in defense of the president on Monday, which they had previewed over the weekend.

Trump's lawyers condemned impeachment as partisan, and deployed some anticipated arguments to push against Democrats' allegations that Trump pressured Ukraine to open investigations into former Vice President Joe Biden and 2016 election interference.

They went after the House impeachment process, pushed back against additional witnesses and honed in on Hunter Biden's role in Ukraine.

Their day in the Senate came after reports surfaced that Trump's former national security adviser, John Bolton, had firsthand knowledge of a linking of investigations to nearly $400 million in military aid that was temporarily withheld by the administration.

Read the transcripts! Read the transcripts! Shut up! There’s no such thing as a “perfect” phone call, Trump. Only in your warped mind could that happen. But then again there’s a lot of things he says that don’t make sense. But come on, is there anything that Trump doesn’t lie about? Is there anything that his increasingly warped supporters won’t lie about?

President Donald Trump’s lawyers launched their defense Saturday morning with a blizzard of false claims.

It started with the president’s critical July 25th call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky. White House Deputy Counsel Michael Purpura referred repeatedly to how what he called “the actual transcript” and “the real transcript” of this call led to an investigation that resulted in Trump’s impeachment. But the document Purpura quoted is not a transcript. It is a “memorandum of telephone conversation,” which means that it reflects the memories of aides who listened in, but may exclude significant parts of Trump and Zelensky’s conversation. Purpura should know the difference.

Trump and his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, are accused of withholding a White House meeting from Zelensky to try to force him to announce investigations into Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter, as well as an investigation into a false conspiracy theory that a Democratic National Committee server is secretly stored in Ukraine When that didn’t work, Trump is accused of withholding nearly $400 million in military aid to Ukraine to increase his leverage in forcing Zelensky to announce the probes.

Damn straight he does! And when it comes to impeachment, it’s not the transcript we’re interested in, and there’s no way that Hunter Biden did what Trump said he did. And how can we read the transcript when it’s being read under lock and key? Yeah no, that transcript it’s already been said and done, it’s this transcript that I’m interested in! Really, shut up, Trump. You’re fired.

"Fortunately, I released the transcript of the call. The transcript was perfectly accurate. And now everybody agrees because it went through a lot and they said, 'Well, could you add one word here?' Our lieutenant colonel said, 'Well, I think they should add...' -- they added the word. Everything -- everyone agrees the transcript is perfecto, done by total professionals, right?" -- January 16 exchange with reporters after remarks on prayer in public schools

Vindman testified that he had wanted to change the words "the company" to "Burisma," the company name he said Zelensky had used on his call with Trump. And Vindman testified that he had wanted to add in Trump saying "there are recordings" related to former Vice President Joe Biden and a Ukrainian prosecutor Biden had pushed Ukrainian leaders to fire. (Trump was vague about what he meant; in public comments last fall, Trump brought up a video of Biden at a 2018 event telling the story of his effort to get the prosecutor ousted.)

Vindman testified that the transcript was "substantively correct" even without the changes he had proposed. "When I first saw the transcript without the two substantive items that I had attempted to include, I didn't see that as nefarious. I just saw it as, OK, no big deal. You know, these might be meaningful, but it's not that big a deal," he told the House Intelligence Committee in November.

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[font size="8"]Doomsday Clock
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We need some music for this one.

Yeah that’s my shit! If you haven’t noticed, the Doomsday Clock has been ticking towards midnight ever so slightly. But lately with the world preferring batshit crazy fascist dictators and the USA having an uncontrollable man child at the helm in charge of our nuclear weapons, is it any wonder why we’ve moved past the proverbial two minutes? Yes, just like in a football game, the 2 minute warning has served as a reminder that we are ever closer to the impending Armageddon that is going to kill us all in a horrible fiery apocalypse. So why is it now moving past the two minute mark? Well we’re mere seconds away from total catastrophe.

Calling world affairs "profoundly unstable," scientists on Thursday moved the fateful minute hand of the Doomsday Clock another 20 seconds closer to midnight, signifying that humanity is more perilously near global catastrophe than any other time in recent history.

The metaphorical clock is now set to 100 seconds to midnight, the closest it has come to hitting the final hour — a symbol of world annihilation — since its inception by the University of Chicago-based Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists in 1947.

At a news conference in Washington, D.C. on Thursday, scientists cited U.S. withdrawal from the 2015 Paris climate agreement and the Iran nuclear deal, as well as deadlock in disarmament talks, as some of their reasons for the dire forecast. The recent rise in tensions between the United States and Iran helped confirm their decision, they said.

"We are now expressing how close the world is to catastrophe in seconds — not hours, or even minutes," said Rachel Bronson of the University of Chicago, who serves as president and CEO of the Bulletin. "It is the closest to doomsday we have ever been in the history of the Doomsday Clock. We now face a true emergency — an absolutely unacceptable state of world affairs that has eliminated any margin for error or further delay."

Lousy beatniks!! But before you go cueing the “We’re all gonna die” graphics, this isn’t that segment, at least this week! Thanks to global instability, you never know what’s going to happen. But guess what is fueling the fire? Well it’s not Trump, it’s the fact that nuclear arms treaties signed by Russia and the US are set to expire. And with Putin and Trump at the helm, anything can happen. Let’s just sit back and watch the fireworks. Literally.

The threat posed by nuclear weapons has become more perilous because virtually the entire edifice of arms control (which at least added some stability to the nuclear face-off) is being dismantled. President Trump already deep-sixed the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty, and the last remaining arms-control treaty—the New START Treaty that capped Russian and US nuclear arsenals—is on the verge of expiring, with the Trump administration showing no sign of giving serious consideration to talks. The White House is considering withdrawing from the Open Skies Treaty that allows the United States and Russia to observe each other’s arsenals in monitored overflights. No substantive effort has been made to bring China into arms-control talks. Negotiations with North Korea have collapsed; its leader, Kim Jong-un, promises to unveil a new “strategic weapon.” Trump has pulled the United States out of the Iran nuclear deal, imposed severe sanctions and killed key military leader Qassim Soleimani. Tehran has responded by beginning to step away from the limits of the treaty and by increasing provocations in the region. The United States and Russia are on the verge of launching another nuclear buildup, with our country planning to squander another $1.2 trillion over the coming decades on the folly.

Well I hope we have the ability to survive an atomic meltdown like Homer does. But he’s an expert at this sort of thing. Us average joes on the other hand, are not. But that said, is it time to stop the Doomsday Clock from ticking forward? And what happens when we get to midnight? And is nuclear war the answer? Tune in next week to find out! Wait, don’t tune in next week to find out.

Are we running into the arms of oblivion as mankind's mad dash to doomsday? Everything is pointing to the hour of midnight when mankind invariably meets doom unmitigatedly. As the time of absolute extinction, while we extant hurdle willingly.

In 1953 as hydrogen bombs exploded the first time, the countdown was adjusted. The creeping to destruction by BAS in 2019, moved the clock approximately two minutes to 12 midnight.

On Jan 23, CEO Rachel Bronson (BAS) mentioned that it has hit the two-minute warning point. Each second progressed will lead to a global catastrophe unless something is done.

Nuclear war and climate change

Nuclear war was the ender to civilization then, though it is still standstill now as a possibility. Besides nuclear Armageddon, there is climate change, with disruptive technologies as part of the BAS. Judging whether the problems of mankind will doom its existence, and we've never been at more risk according to them.

Well I for one welcome our nuclear squirrel overlords. And Nuclear Squirrel I hear just got added to Coachella. And in case you’re wondering what is fueling the fire moving the Doomsday Clock well guess what? It’s that device that you’re holding in your hand right now. Yeah I’m talking to you. It’s your phone – your Facebook, Twitter, and social media accounts.

According to the Doomsday Clock, humanity is 100 seconds away from self-imploding apocalypse. Think about the apocalypse as humans literally destroy not just ourselves but everything on the planet as well. This is according to a large number of scientists who joined together to predict the end of days by how humanity has handled every crisis so far. The organization began the clock around the year 1947 when the nuclear arms race of the US and USSR escalated to the point of world war.

Social Media is Becoming a Problem

The spread of misinformation by people with power is affecting the ability of people to respond to current threats. Apart from that, there are people have the ability to influence masses that the news reported by mass media is all a faux. This, in turn, makes the masses less likely or not at all be able to discern truth from lies. Luckily Facebook, one of the giants in that industry are making ways to remove and ban deepfakes on their platform.

As misinformation is a common tactic for people who want to sow discord, it may be harder to pinpoint news as misinformation. This is due to the fact that users who do this don't dive into specifics itself but the broader picture for people to think about the negative effects that the news brings them and so it spreads. Misinformation spreads quicker than accurate news because anyone can do it due to social media platforms and it tends to go viral.

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what! We’re all gonna die! Wooooooooooooooo!!!! Woooooooooooo!!! Wooo. Woo. And in case you’re wondering how we’re all gonna die – it’s because there’s a new super virus that is going to kill us all. And I love when the media tacks the word “super” on to anything. Super virus. Super food. Super man. Super monkeys. Yes, there probably are super monkeys out there. That was our planet!!! Damn you all to hell!!! I’m getting carried away here. But we have to talk about the utter insanity surrounding the Corona Virus. Could you get it? Yes. But at this point your odds are about the same as winning the lottery.

As the coronavirus continues to spread in China, U.S. health officials are closely monitoring for cases in the United States.

This map will be updated as more cases in the U.S. are confirmed. As of Jan. 28, there were five: one each in Illinois, Arizona and Washington state, and two in California.

Coronavirus cases have also been confirmed in China, Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, South Korea, Vietnam, France, Australia, Malaysia, Nepal, Germany, Sri Lanka, Cambodia and Canada. More than 4,500 people have been sickened, mostly in China, and 106 have died since the start of the month, according to NBC News.

Coronavirus cases in the U.S. are confirmed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, based in Atlanta. As of Jan. 27, 110 samples from 26 states were being tested; five have come back positive, and 32 have tested negative. The rest of the results are pending.

The CDC declined to say which states the samples were from.

That’s right – the Corona Virus may have originated in Southeast Asia, and there have been 4 confirmed cases. Yes, I can literally count the number of cases on one hand. So yes we’re all gonna die!!! Ahhhh!! I mean seriously people let’s lighten up and revel in facts before we let the media get the better of our biggest fears regarding deadly diseases. Oh wait what’s that? Oh cue the horror music!

Boston Logan International Airport is among the ports of entry where the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention will soon start screening passengers for coronavirus, ABC News reported Tuesday.

As of Tuesday afternoon, however, MassPort officials said they were still waiting for the CDC to set the plan in motion.

So far, there are five confirmed cases of this new virus in the U.S., and no sign that they have spread the respiratory illness to anyone around them.

Initially, screenings for the virus were being done at five airports that once had direct flights from the hardest-hit section of China. ABC News reported that Logan and 14 other points of entry are now being added to the list.

CDC officials will also hand out educational material at the airport to inform travelers about signs of the deadly illness and when to seek medical attention, ABC News reported.

I love how confident that guy is. So if you go to an airport like Boston Logan coming from Southeast Asia, you will get screened for the Corona Virus. And that’s quite possibly the worst thing you can get screened for, other than if your girlfriend screens your credit before you start dating. What? You will only date guys with a 720 credit score or better? Get out of here!! And don’t think we’re onto you, World Health Organization! Even you can get this wrong!

The World Health Organization (WHO) said Monday the global risk from the deadly coronavirus was “high,” admitting it made a mistake in previous reports that rated the risk of the virus as “moderate.”

The United Nations health body said in a situation report published Sunday that the risk was “very high in China, high at the regional level and high at the global level,” and explained in a footnote there had been an error in reports published Thursday, Friday and Saturday which incorrectly said the global risk was “moderate.”

WHO last week decided not to declare the virus an international public health emergency. WHO chief Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said Thursday, “This is an emergency in China, but it has not yet become a global health emergency.”

The agency noted that the mistake made in three of its situation reports was the result of an “error in the wording.”

Yeah probably. But fear not! You know who created this most evil of super viruses that could possibly kill you? I’ll give you a hint – it’s the most evil creature of them all! Yup, we created this virus. It originated in a cave in Thailand, like all horrible things do. But as much as we created this virus epidemic, we alone get to fix it. That’s why we are the worst creatures of them all.

The latest scary new virus that has captured the world’s horrified attention, caused a lockdown of 56 million people in China, disrupted travel plans around the globe and sparked a run on medical masks from Wuhan, Hubei Province, to Bryan, Texas, is known provisionally as “nCoV-2019.” It’s a clunky moniker for a lurid threat.

The name, picked by the team of Chinese scientists who isolated and identified the virus, is short for “novel coronavirus of 2019.” It reflects the fact that the virus was first recognized to have infected humans late last year — in a seafood and live-animal market in Wuhan — and that it belongs to the coronavirus family, a notorious group. The SARS epidemic of 2002-3, which infected 8,098 people worldwide, killing 774 of them, was caused by a coronavirus, and so was the MERS outbreak that began on the Arabian Peninsula in 2012 and still lingers (2,494 people infected and 858 deaths as of November).

Despite the new virus’s name, though, and as the people who christened it well know, nCoV-2019 isn’t as novel as you might think.

Something very much like it was found several years ago in a cave in Yunnan, a province roughly a thousand miles southwest of Wuhan, by a team of perspicacious researchers, who noted its existence with concern. The fast spread of nCoV-2019 — more than 4,500 confirmed cases, including at least 106 deaths, as of Tuesday morning, and the figures will have risen by the time you read this — is startling but not unforeseeable. That the virus emerged from a nonhuman animal, probably a bat, and possibly after passing through another creature, may seem spooky, yet it is utterly unsurprising to scientists who study these things.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Jeff Bezos Hacked
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The issue of cyber security is a very complex one. People day in and day out complain about, and are worried about their bank accounts and personal data being bought and sold under very shady circumstances. But this hack claim surrounds just one person. And that person just happens to be the wealthiest man in the world, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. Even Jeff Bezos is not immune from hacking and phishing scams that have plagued the internet since its’ inception. But just how accurate are the claims that Bezos was hacked by Saudia Arabia via the What’s App application? So who is to blame in this situation?

WhatsApp disclosed 12 security vulnerabilities last year, according to the US National Vulnerabilities Database, sparking questions about the security of the app amid reports that Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos' phone was hacked by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

The Guardian first reported last week that bin Salman had covertly stolen data from the Amazon CEO's phone after sending an unsolicited video that contained a malicious file in 2018.

The hack on Bezos' phone is believed to have happen after the two men exchanged friendly messages on WhatsApp on May 1, 2018, weeks after they had met at a dinner in Los Angeles while the prince was in the US on official business.

Bezos' team began investigating his phone in January 2019 after The National Enquirer published a story about him having an affair. After the accusation Bezos accused the tabloid's parent company, American Media Inc., of blackmailing him by threatening to publish his nude images.

The Saudi government has called the report "absurd" and called for an investigation into the claims.

Yes, there’s a chance Jeff Bezos could have been hacked, but then again he is Jeff Bezos. It’s not like you have to do a search on the black market internet to find out much information about him. Also, it’s the National Fucking Enquirer too, they don’t exactly have the highest journalistic integrity in the journalism industry. But then again, neither do we. But who is to blame for this? Do you blame the Saudis? Or is it the fault of the phone manufacturers?

On Friday, Facebook's vice president of global affairs and communications, Nick Clegg, said that the hacking of Jeff Bezos's phone wasn't the fault of WhatsApp, pointing instaed to the Apple iOS that powers the iPhone X Bezos was using. Or, at least, that's presumably what he was trying to say, though his answer when asked by the BBC was largely incomprehensible.

Clegg's explanation was that WhatsApp couldn't be at fault because its messages are end-to-end encrypted, meaning they can't be hacked. Rather, he argued, "It sounds like something on the, you know, what they call the operate, operated on the phone itself." To be clear, he didn't specifically mention Apple by name, however it had been previously known that Bezos was using an iPhone X at the time he was hacked.

"It can't have been anything on the, when the message was sent, in transit, because that's end-to-end encrypted on WhatsApp," Clegg said.

As a reminder, the allegation is that the Saudi Crown Prince, Mohammad bin Salman, sent a message to Amazon's CEO using WhatsApp. That message included a relatively small video file that contained malware that was used to access the contents on the iPhone.

Yes, you could have been hacked, or someone could have done a Google search. But how it happens and why it happens could apply to just about anybody. But could Saudi Prince Muhammed bin Salman been behind the hack? Yeah probably. But don’t go playing the blame game. Because that’s how they win, and they thrive off this sort of thing. Did Jeff Bezos get hacked or did he not get hacked?

UN human rights experts have demanded an immediate investigation into allegations Saudi Arabia's crown prince hacked Amazon boss Jeff Bezos's phone.

They said Mohammed bin Salman should also be investigated for "continuous, direct and personal efforts to target perceived opponents".

A message from a phone number used by the prince has been implicated in a breach of Mr Bezos's data.

The kingdom's US embassy has denied the "absurd" story.

But the independent UN experts - Agnes Callamard, special rapporteur on summary executions and extrajudicial killings, and David Kaye, special rapporteur on freedom of expression - said the crown prince's "possible involvement" had to be investigated.

Relations between Saudi Arabia and Mr Bezos - who also owns the Washington Post - worsened after Jamal Khashoggi, a prominent critic of the Saudi government and one of the newspaper's staff, was murdered in the Saudi consulate in Istanbul in 2018

That is a good question. But the question of whether or not Jeff Bezos’ phone was hacked is more of a discussion of power. And both of these men – Jeff Bezos and Muhammed bin Salmon have been in a competition for a quest for power and money for a very long time. Where does it end? That is a question for the ages. But who is more powerful? It might surprise you to learn that neither of them is.

The alleged Saudi hack of the Amazon founder, Washington Post owner, and world’s richest person Jeff Bezos offers plenty of insight into the nature of power in an era of headlong technological change. Above all, it confirms the insight that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

For those of you who have been on a desert island for the past couple of years, the whole story started back in 2019, when the National Enquirer released emails and photos exposing Bezos’s affair with a Los Angeles television personality. Bezos hinted that Saudi Arabia might have been involved, and he hired a cybersecurity firm to investigate. Last week, the firm released a report tracing the hack to malicious code contained in a WhatsApp message he had received from Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, although it remains unclear if this is how the Enquirer obtained the embarrassing information.

If the Saudi government could hack the phone of someone who fully grasps the impact of technology and who has nearly limitless resources with which to protect himself, how can ordinary folks possibly protect themselves from similar intrusions? Only by remaining below the radar and off the grid, and even that approach may not be enough.

Given the heady mix of wealth, sex, celebrity, and politics involved, it’s hardly surprising this one incident has garnered so much attention. But does this event foretell a new global hierarchy, where hackers rule the world and traditional sources of power are increasingly irrelevant? I doubt it.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Miami! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! I was in Washing ton DC last week. Of course you know that last week there was an annual event called the “March For Life”. It’s the annual gathering of misogynists and anti-abortion activists from all over the globe. And yes, they are becoming a diverse bunch. But let’s not distract from the issues, because I’m sure that is not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would have in mind! Am I not right about that? And really, do we need the unholy, ungodly Dark One, whose name shall not be spoken in my church. to lead such a ceremony? Because he is the most ungodly man of them all yet he is being treated like some kind of saint among anti-abortionists!

President Trump became the first sitting president to attend the anti-abortion “March for Life” in Washington, D.C., Friday. He told supporters that “unborn children have never had a stronger defender in the White House,” as he touted his judicial appointments and slammed Democrats — falsely accusing Virginia Governor Ralph Northam of supporting a bill that would execute babies after birth.

Also on Friday, the Trump administration threatened to cut off federal funding for some health programs in California unless the state ends its requirement that private health insurers cover abortions. California Governor Gavin Newsom said the state would not change its policy.

Meanwhile, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is coming under fire for comparing the Trump administration’s fight to ban abortion to the fight to end slavery. She said, “[President Lincoln] too contended with the pro-choice arguments of his day. They suggested that a state’s choice to be slave or to be free had no moral question in it. … President Lincoln reminded those pro-choicers that a vast portion of the American people … look upon it as a vast moral evil.” She made the comments at an event last week for Colorado Christian University held at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C. Massachusetts Congressmember Ayanna Pressley tweeted in response, “As a Black woman & the Chair of the abortion access task force, I invite you to come by the Hill and say this to my face. Would welcome the opportunity to educate you.”

Why yes he does!!! And he also sits in the Oval Office, and that is why his name shall *NOT* be spoken in my church! Have the Christian right become so deluded that they really thin that he’s the savior when we all know that he is not? I ask you that! I do not believe that it is in the good book, thank you very much sir. But we’re not out to tame the pro-life movement. No. Instead, how do we get them on our side? That’s a question as old as time itself.

Just inside the metal detectors at Friday’s March for Life rally, two students from Christendom College in Front Royal, Virginia, stood holding a gigantic American flag. Like hundreds of other demonstrators at the annual anti-abortion gathering, one of them, Tom, 21, was wearing a Donald Trump hat. The president was scheduled to come to the National Mall to speak at the event in about an hour, and Tom was stoked.

“It’s a really important statement for him to make, to be here … especially with all the impeachment stuff going on with the Democrats,” Tom said. “It’s showing his strength.
He’s the most pro-life president in history.”

That message—that no other president has opposed abortion more than Trump—was the driving narrative of Friday’s event. Indeed, no other sitting president has ever attended a March for Life. The Susan B. Anthony List, an anti-abortion nonprofit whose affiliated PAC recently committed $52 million to re-electing Trump and Senate Republicans this year, filled the crowd with signs featuring an image of Trump’s face and the words “Most Pro-Life President. Ever.” Of the dozen-or-so attendees I talked to, almost every one agreed that Trump was the best president their movement had ever seen.

“I don’t think it’s about an election. He believes it. And I think that bleeds through in everything that he does,” one man, who’d driven down from New Jersey, told me. “It’s not, ‘hey, I’m gonna stick my finger up in the air and figure out what the majority people are thinking.’” His friend told me that Trump—who has joked about wanting to abort his child and called himself pro-choice up until he planned his presidential run—was even more pro-life than Ronald Reagan. “When Reagan was governor of California, he let some abortion legislation get through that he later regretted,” the man said. “But Trump never had that. He’s been pro-life since the beginning, and just been very consistent.”

No, we can’t reason with these people or even get them to join our side. They are entangled with the Dark One, and they are brainwashed by social media propaganda and the right wing clergy, and 40 years of this isn’t going to end overnight. So I ask you, my fair congregation! What can we do? What’s really bizarre is that they are calling themselves “pro woman” when we all know they are anti and have always been anti! Can I get an amen??

Donald Trump became the first United States president to attend the annual March for Life in Washington, DC, on Friday, unleashing a fierce attack on his Democratic rivals during a rally in an election-year show of support for opponents of abortion rights.

"Unborn children have never had a stronger defender in the White House," the Republican president, who once said he was was "pro-choice in every respect", told thousands of cheering people at the rally, touting his anti-abortion rights policies and his appointments of conservatives to the federal judiciary including Supreme Court Justices Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch.

Demonstrators from around the country converged on a cool, overcast day in the US capital for the event held annually around the anniversary of the Supreme Court's landmark 1973 Roe v Wade decision that recognised a woman's constitutional right to an abortion and legalised the procedure nationwide. Many high school and college students joined in the rally.

Trump, seeking re-election on November 3, addressed the event in the midst of his impeachment trial in the US Senate on charges passed by the Democratic-led House of Representatives. While not mentioning impeachment, he assailed congressional Democrats on abortion policy. Trump drew loud applause from the crowd.

Yes! Jesus facepalms at the fact that the Dark One slams Democrats, because that’s all he does – lie, cheat, name call, and play the GOP blame game! Now I ask you, my fair congregation, why is the youth movement getting involved in anti-abortion politics? Because it’s a movement designed to trick people into voting against their best interests. And no one does it better than anti-abortionists. All I have to say is that if young ladies want to get involved in this movement, well, here’s what they are in for!

The media, again, largely ignored the massive March for Life rally that took place Friday in Washington, D.C. Aside from the march itself, one of the most overlooked factors about the March for Life and the pro-life movement in general is the incredibly young age of those getting involved.

This, according to TheBlaze's Samantha Sullivan, should "terrify" the abortion lobby because not only are young people flocking to the pro-life movement, they're incredibly articulate as well.

"It's pretty amazing how little attention it gets for being so massive," Sullivan said after attending the march in person. "It was all young people — I mean, there were different age groups, but this is a predominantly young movement. I didn't know that coming in."

Sullivan went on to explain that this wasn't just kids attending with their parents — it was a passion issue for them.

"It was busloads of kids coming into this thing, a lot of faith-based Christian and Catholic schools. A lot of them told me this wasn't even their first march. There were kids that have been coming since they were 14," she explained.

They also possessed a deep knowledge of the issue of abortion itself.

"They started giving me the whole rundown of the science behind it [abortion], saying the science is on our side here," Sullivan said. "Really incredible to see these kids, they know abortion back and forth."

But do they have actual knowledge of abortion or just the propaganda that their parents passed onto them? Either way we are in a fight for the unforeseeable future my fair congregation! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: LA City Council Vs Houston Astros
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Last week, we pointed out that the Houston Astros are dirty cheaters that cheat, and Alex Cora is the dirty cheater who lied and got fired for it. But then an interloper had to go and make things worse. That interloper? The Los Angeles City Council. Los Angeles is of course home to the LA Dodgers, who faced both teams managed by Alex Cora in back to back World Series. Now if you’re the city of Los Angeles, what do you do in this situation? Well, you petition the MLB to take back the World Series that were won under shady circumstances and give them to the team that rightfully deserves them. Wait, that doesn’t work in real life does it?

The Los Angeles City Council voted unanimously on Tuesday to ask Major League Baseball to award the 2017 and 2018 World Series titles to the Dodgers.

The resolution was presented by councilmen Paul Koretz and Gilbert Cedillo. The pair spoke about their effort at 9 a.m. Tuesday in the Rick Orlov Memorial Media Center, on the third floor of City Hall, prior to the City Council's vote.

MLB officials concluded last week that the Houston Astros used a camera to illicitly steal signs from opposing catchers during the 2017 season, which ended with the Astros defeating the Dodgers in seven games in the World Series.

According to MLB, the sign-stealing system was orchestrated by then-Astros bench coach Alex Cora, who served as manager of the Boston Red Sox inthe 2018 season, which ended with the Red Sox defeating the Dodgers in the World Series in five games.

Baseball officials initially suspended Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow and manager A.J. Hinch for a year, but the club quickly fired the pair. The Astros were also fined $5 million and ordered to forfeit their first- and second-round draft picks for two years.

Dammit Mattingly, I thought I told you to get rid of those sideburns!!! But is it the business of the LA City Council to say who can and who cannot win a World Series, or any title game for that matter? Sure, the Houston Astros are dirty cheaters that cheat. But as social media was quick to point out, the fact that the Dodgers didn’t win the World Series is actually the least of their problems.

The Los Angeles Dodgers would rather earn a World Series trophy on their own than accept any scraps from the Houston Astros or the Boston Red Sox, the teams that beat them in 2017 and 2018.

Despite being eager to focus on the upcoming season, several Dodgers for the first time publicly expressed annoyance at the Astros for the sign-stealing system used during the 2017 season, when Houston beat them in seven games in the World Series.

"They cheated and they got away with it," utilityman Kiké Hernández said Saturday during the team's annual FanFest outside Dodger Stadium. "I don't think it hurts more now than it did three years ago when we lost the Series."

Hernández said the Dodgers "had our doubts" about the Astros that year.

"Everybody warned us. A lot of people told us to worry about them," Hernández said. "We just thought it was just rumors, but I guess not."

Yeah come on, LA City Council, you’ve got way more on your plate to deal with, who won the World Series should be the last thing you care about. I mean come on, you have a homeless crisis and people pooping on the sidewalks to deal with. Let’s address that first. Then maybe item number 567 on your list can be figuring out who rightfully won the 2017 World Series. And I mean come on let’s ask the Dodgers what they think should happen. Do they want this?

The Los Angeles City Council can resolve all they want that the Los Angeles Dodgers should be declared the 2017 World Series winners by Astrogate default. But at their weekend fan fest assorted and sundry Dodgers said, essentially, thanks, but no thanks, we’d prefer to win the World Series the old fashioned way, without buzzers, whistle rings, little drummer boys, and Spy vs. Spy.

“It already has an asterisk next to it” so far as pitcher Ross Stripling was concerned. “They cheated. They got away with it. They got a ring out of it,” said utility man Enrique Hernandez, perhaps as emphatically as a man might say it with an unrevealed wish to wring an Astro neck or three. Then, he softened. A little. “I’m extremely proud of our guys,” he added. “We won a game in Houston when they knew every pitch that was coming.”

Third baseman Justin Turner won’t accept even a symbolic gesture, such as a pair of Dodger fans arriving and displaying a large sign proclaiming, “LA. World Series champions 2017 and 2018.” (The Dodgers lost a second straight Series, to the Boston Red Sox, now under investigation for a replay room reconnaissance ring.) “We don’t want a fake banner hanging in [Dodger Stadium],” he insisted. “We didn’t earn that.”

Perhaps the only thing puzzling Turner about the Astrogate saga to date is why the only 2017 Astro to apologize thus far is now-White Sox pitcher Dallas Keuchel. “[He] didn’t hit,” Turner said of the veteran lefthander. “I don’t really know why he was the one apologizing. He’s the first one to mention anything like that, so I guess good for him.” Still.

Eh… not exactly a home run here as the players don’t want it, the fans don’t want it, and really the LA City Council opened up a can of worms that it shouldn’t have. So who exactly wants it? The answer is nobody and this is something that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. Is it a home run? Hell no, it’s a swing and a miss on strike three.

The Dodgers may have been unfairly toppled by cheaters during the 2017 and 2018 World Series showdowns. But does that make them champions?

They are in the eyes of some members of the Los Angeles City Council, who approved a resolution calling for the Dodgers to be awarded Major League Baseball’s championship trophies for those two years, when the team fell to the Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox.

The Astros — who went on to lose in the 2019 World Series, to the delight of many Dodgers fans — are embroiled in a sign-stealing scandal. The Red Sox are under investigation amid similar allegations.

The Astros terminated Manager A.J. Hinch and General Manager Jeff Luhnow after the MLB suspended them for a year for their roles in the plot. Next, the Red Sox canned Manager Alex Cora, who’d been identified as a key participant in the sign-stealing scheme while with the Astros organization. And, finally, Manager Carlos Beltrán, a former Astros player cited in the sign-stealing probe, was fired by the New York Mets.

So will MLB officials actually listen to the appeal of these LA officials — and rewrite baseball history? Likely not, say baseball observers.

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Mike Lindell
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This week’s This Fucking Guy is the CEO of My Pillow, Mike Lindell. And for the sake of this piece, I’m going to refer to him as the “My Pillow Guy”. So My Pillow Guy is a rising star in the GOP because he’s somewhat of a minor commercial celebrity. And the GOP loves them some weird celebrities, whether it’s Meat Loaf, Ted Nugent, Jon Voight, or washed up televangelist Jimmy Swaggart. The Dems get all the cool celebrities, the GOP gets a guy who hawks cheap pillows. And he’s something of a minor celebrity because he’s been seen with everything from cardboard cutouts to partying with Trump on New Year’s Eve at Mar-A-Shithole . Yes, that makes him a rising star in the GOP. And well he can pretty much do anything right? Well, what are his qualifications exactly?

Mike Lindell drew on a cast of about a dozen employees — some of them family — all gathered at his MyPillow warehouse in Shakopee on a recent morning to help pack and label freshly signed copies of his new autobiography.

Seated nearby was his 29-year-old son, Darren, newly minted as the company’s next chief operating officer, Lindell explained, suggesting a change of plans in the near future.

“In case we do anything political, we’re setting up the stage,” Lindell said, pausing to make sure his statement was on the record.

More than two years after brushing aside speculation that he was eyeing a run for office, the 58-year-old mustachioed infomercial maven is becoming less coy about his political future amid renewed calls from state Republicans that he help reverse a long string of defeats in statewide races. Along the way, he has become President Donald Trump’s highest-profile backer in Minnesota and openly inviting speculation about his own political ambition.

A former crack cocaine addict, Lindell is now readying a series of rallies across the state that will blend his new faith-based Lindell Recovery Network while also promoting both the president’s re-election bid and Minnesota Republican congressional candidates.

That’s right, in the GOP, all you have to do is say what they want to hear, trash dems, and blame everything on abortion, you’ve got it made in the shade, yo! So My Pillow Guy could be the next governor of Minnesota, an esteemed position previously held by fellow GOP celebrity Jesse “The Body” Ventura. You know for a party that claims they loathe celebrities, they sure do elect a lot of celebrities, don’t they? I’ll take that one, thank you! So how good are My Pillows? Let’s ask the experts!

Is a sore, stiff neck upon waking telling you that it’s time for a new bed pillow?

For the first time, Consumer Reports rates 10 bed pillows in its February issue. Part of the reason the magazine hasn’t yet rated them was figuring out the best way to test them. The consumer nonprofit landed on a series of machines and sensors that measure matting, moisture and temperature as well as human subjective impressions.

The consumer organization said it devoted about 200 hours per pillow for testing, gathering hundreds of data points.

Pillow brands included a mixture of traditional such as Tempur-Pedic and Sealy, bed-in-box companies such as Casper, which filed for an initial public offering on Friday, and Minnesota companies such as Shakopee-based MyPillow and Minneapolis-based Target.

Two MyPillows were rated, the Premium ($80) and the Classic ($40). Neither received the organization’s “recommended” rating, but the Premium landed in the top half.

So $80 for a single marginal pillow endorsed by a former crack addict? No thanks, I like my pillows endorsed by Ambien addicts, because if anyone knows sleep, it’s people who will take a drug that will make them do weird shit when they sleep! And in case you’re wondering My Pillow Guy’s GOP street cred, well he’s got plenty of it! He’s even got the same lawyers that they do! And of course if Rudy Guiliani is any indication, the GOP has a great track record there!

A brief refresher: Wardlow was the Republican Party of Minnesota's nominee for Attorney General. Prior to that campaign, Wardlow spent his time litigating for the hyper-conservative Alliance Defending Freedom, fighting to keep trans kids out of the bathrooms where they felt most comfortable. In his private life, Wardlow had once bullied a gay classmate so much the victim attempted suicide.

As a candidate, Wardlow promised to keep the office staunchly apolitical... but also promised if he won, he’d literally fire “42 Democratic attorneys right off the bat” and replace them with Republicans. That didn't happen: Despite sketchy campaign spending and some sketchy campaign lit, on Wardlow's part, Ellison beat him 48 percent to 45 percent. (Another 6 percent went to a third-party candidate who begged his supporters to vote for Ellison to stop Wardlow.)

So, again, no judgement here if your 2019's been Wardlow-free. But Wardlow definitely hasn’t stopped thinking about Ellison. Every week or two, his Twitter and Facebook accounts throw out updates on the attorney general, accusing him of pushing a “radical political agenda.”

He's also still fundraising for his campaign, as of November, even though Ellison's not up for reelection until 2022.

Nothing to see here, please disperse! Yup, it’s a good old fashioned GOP circle jerk! Featuring My Pillow Guy and a failed candidate who should probably not quit his day job. Sure, the GOP and the Christian right love this guy because he’s a self-made go getter who overcame addiction and built a global business empire. That’s the American dream right? Well, he’s using the money he made from his day job to finance his weekend job – ending legalized abortion. If you want this guy to be your next governor, Minnesota, you’d better be paying attention to what he’s doing behind the scenes!

An anti-abortion feature film partially financed by Michael Lindell, the CEO and founder of MyPillow and an ally of President Trump, will reportedly be nationally distributed by a Christian movie studio.

The movie, "Unplanned," follows a young woman who resigns from her place of work (a Planned Parenthood clinic) and renounces the practice of abortion, according to The Washington Times, which reports that the movie has been picked up for national distribution by Pure Flix studios.

"We had other offers but felt they would be our strongest partner because of the great success we've had together in the past," said co-writer Chuck Konzelman, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

In a trailer for the movie, the woman reportedly is warned not to defy Planned Parenthood, which is described in the movie as "one of the most powerful organizations on the planet."

The movie's script was reportedly written by the writers behind the Christian movies “God’s Not Dead” and “God’s Not Dead 2,” according to the Times, which noted that Lindell, who has attended rallies and White House events on the president's behalf, invested $1 million in the film's production.

That’s My Pillow Guy, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Ed. note: Due to the Kobe tragedy, our planned “I Need A Drink Piece” on the death of Mr. Peanut will not air at this time. Instead expect to see it in a future “Best Of” edition. So enjoy this People Are Dumb segment instead. Enjoy!

Hit it!

So of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. Because the crazy never fails and there’s plenty of things that can go wrong in the course of a day. And then there’s people who are just plain dumb. So who is dumb this week? Well I want to start with a very overlooked category of idiots – stupid cops! And this story is an international one, coming all the way from the beautiful country known as Thailand! Really, if you’re setting up a car for a police auction, wouldn’t you think to remember to check the contents of the car first? Because I would think that the people who you sell the car to would like to know that , I don’t know, it’s loaded with drugs!

Thailand's anti-drugs authority has apologised after it accidentally auctioned off a car hiding tens of thousands of amphetamine tablets.

A buyer paid 586,000 baht ($19,000; £14,500) for the Honda CR-V car, which was put up for auction this month after being seized in a drugs case last year.

But when it was sent to a garage for alterations, a mechanic discovered 94,000 pills stashed in its bumper.

Officials said they would conduct more thorough searches in future.


I think the drugs are probably worth more than the CR-V in this case! Next up, we go to Scotland for this story. Here’s the thing, this is so reminiscent of the “squirrel!!” distraction from the movie UP, or the robbery scene from the movie Big Trouble, that it’s a case where life imitates art. Or does art imitate life in this case? Well, if you rob a bank, maybe don’t stop to pet dogs or run slowly.

A bank robber who wore a pillow case with no eye holes as a disguise was arrested after fleeing "very slowly" then stopping to pet a dog, a court has been told.

Matthew Davies, 47, robbed a Bank of Scotland branch in Dunfermline, Scotland, armed with a meat cleaver last September. He pulled his weapon out of a pillowcase before putting the bedding over his face in an attempt to conceal his identity.

But during a hearing at the High Court in Glasgow, the robber was forced to remove his makeshift mask because he “couldn’t see”, the Daily Record reports.

Prosecutor Stewart Ronnie said: “This was due to a failure to create eye holes.”

Despite his botched plan, Davies escaped with almost £2,000 before momentarily stopping to pet a dog. He is now in custody after pleading guilty to a charge of assault and robbery. Davies, of Dunfermline, will be sentenced next month.

Next up – we go closer to home with this one. Look, nobody likes waiting in traffic. And when we do, you got to get creative with ways that you get around traffic. But somehow I would think that if you get pulled over with a fake skeleton in your backseat, that you would have an awful lot of explaining to do to your arresting officer.

A driver in the US has been caught trying to disguise a fake skeleton as a passenger so he could use a high-occupancy vehicle (HOV) lane.

The Arizona Department of Public Safety said the 62-year-old was pulled over when an official noticed the skeleton, which was wearing a hat and tied to the passenger seat with yellow rope.
The department told AP news agency some 7,000 drivers in Arizona were caught violating HOV rules every year.
"Think you can use the HOV lane with Skeletor riding shotgun? You're dead wrong!" it wrote, referring to the fictional nemesis of He-Man in the Masters of the Universe series.


Somehow that scene just seems weirder in GIF form! Next up – of course we can’t get out of here without mentioning America’s most penis shaped state, the state of Florida. And this is a great Florida story. So this guy was out and decided that he was going to try to jack someone’s car. Well, he should have thought of that when an undercover cop was driving in the very car he decided to jack.

A St. Petersurg man who was running from the police tried to carjack a vehicle.

Inside was an undercover cop.

Arrest reports detail how police say the incident unfolded near the intersection of Gulfport Boulevard and 49th Street S at about 8:45 p.m. Wednesday night.

When it was over, Donald Steven Dugray, 20, was arrested on multiple charges, including attempted carjacking.

Gulfport police tried to stop Dugray on his bicycle that night for a light violation, but he took off and crashed into a sergeant’s cruiser. When Dugray hit the ground, a gun fell out of his waist band, reports state.

He picked up the gun and ran away from police, then tossed the gun onto the roof of a nearby diner. Officers later recovered the revolver, which had five rounds in it, reports state.

Finally this week, if you’ve been viral for any reason, maybe don’t commit a crime with the thing that helped you go viral. Because if it’s something easily identifiable, it can get you nailed faster than the cops can slap the handcuffs on you. We go to the great city of Orlando for this story. And by the way where have I seen this sort of thing before?

A Florida man who became an online sensation last year after fighting while dressed as the Easter Bunny has been arrested for a hit-and-run where he allegedly tried to use his costume to avoid capture.
Antoine McDonald, 21, hopped into overnight fame last year when a video went viral of him getting into a brawl with a man in Orlando while wearing his bunny costume on Easter Sunday.

Now, authorities said they arrested McDonald after he was involved in a hit-and-run last week.
The self-proclaimed 'Orlando Easter Bunny' was driving a motorcycle through Orlando on January 16, when he allegedly ran a stop sign and crashed into a carport.

McDonald then fled the scene, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

The carport collapsed on top of a car in the driveway and the motorcycle hit a fence and flipped over, the Orlando Sentinel reported.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Keeping Up With The Candidates Ep.21: Joe & Bernie
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Welcome back to our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates! Where we combine all the news, issues, polls, and candidates you care about! We are exactly one month down, we have 11 long, grueling, and fucking insane months to go before we elect the next president of the United States. And we had an entirely different entry planned this week. But over the weekend, Joe Rogan started trending and it was because of his “all-in” support for Vermont Senator and old man trying to send back soup in a deli, Bernie Sanders. Yes, thank George Costanza for that line. But do you welcome a guy into the party who some have called “The Gateway Drug To The Alt Right”? Yes, Joe Rogan commands one of the biggest troll armies in the world and he’s been known to cheat, harass, and slam people online who he doesn’t agree with, and is part of the reason why our culture has become so toxic. So, what’s up?

Bernie Sanders is facing a backlash from some Democrats after his campaign trumpeted an endorsement from comedian Joe Rogan, a popular podcast and YouTube talk show host with a history of making racist, homophobic and transphobic comments.

The Sanders campaign touted the endorsement in a tweet on Thursday afternoon, featuring a clip of Rogan's supportive remarks.

"I think I'll probably vote for Bernie. Him as a human being, when I was hanging out with him, I believe in him, I like him, I like him a lot," Rogan said on an earlier episode of his show.

"What Bernie stands for is a guy -- look, you could dig up dirt on every single human being that's ever existed if you catch them in their worst moment and you magnify those moments and you cut out everything else and you only display those worst moments. That said, you can't find very many with Bernie. He's been insanely consistent his entire life. He's basically been saying the same thing, been for the same thing his whole life. And that in and of itself is a very powerful structure to operate from."

Rogan, a libertarian-leaning broadcaster with a public persona in the mold of Howard Stern, is a divisive figure who has said the N-word on his show and in 2013 questioned -- using offensive language -- whether a transgender MMA fighter should be able to compete against other women.

That is a good point Bernie! So is Joe Rogan a guy who you really want on your side? He’s a bit racist, extremely misogynistic, and commands a troll army that would dwarf the one that is owned by glorious dictator Vladimir Putin. And if you want to know some of Rogan’s greatest hits, well, let’s take this time to go down the wormhole, shall we?

Sanders has received scrutiny for the endorsement after his campaign circulated a video touting Rogan’s support.

“He’s basically been saying the same thing his whole life. And that in and of itself is very a powerful structure to operate from,” Rogan said in the clip.

The comedian has come under fire for past comments insulting a range of groups, including the transgender community and African Americans.

"We get out. We’re giggling, 'We’re going to go see "Planet of the Apes." We walk into 'Planet of the Apes.' We walked into Africa," Rogan said in a 2013 podcast clip that was resurfaced after his endorsement before clarifying that there were "no white people in the theater."

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) also called on Sanders to renounce Rogan’s endorsement, specifically citing Rogan’s past comments.

So here’s the thing – do we include Joe Rogan’s die hard fans in the mix or do we not? I mean at one point the guy was called “the gateway drug to the Alt Right”. And that is a label that nobody under any circumstances should be strapped with. But his raunchy behavior and a tendency to ignore rules and all sense of common decency aside, do we include them in the party or not? He could be the key to defeating Trump and sending this administration packing, or not.

Survey data suggests that at least 25 percent of self-identified Democrats, and perhaps as much as 40 percent, hold explicitly racist views like “blacks are lazy.” Among independents—voters Democratic candidates repeatedly insist they must appeal to—those beliefs are even more common. Nearly half of Republicans are willing to tell pollsters that blacks are more violent than whites—and almost all of them voted for Donald Trump. No candidate has a base consisting entirely of people with enlightened, progressive views. Whether they realize it or not, all Democratic politicians count on people who hold both sympathetic and terrible views.

For the past year, Joe Biden has consistently done two things: led polling for the Democratic nomination and underwhelmed in campaigning for it. His appeal is based largely on “electability,” the pseudoscientific notion that he alone can win by appealing to Republicans, independents, and the all-important “white working class.”

The same Democratic and liberal voices that tout this as an asset in Biden (or, to a lesser extent, Pete Buttigieg, whose Indiana roots supposedly mean rural Midwesterners will like him) are apoplectic over the endorsement of Bernie Sanders by the meat-headed podcaster Joe Rogan. Rogan’s excruciating show, The Joe Rogan Experience, regularly features guests with awful beliefs, including white supremacists, and the host has a track record of racist, transphobic, homophobic, and misogynistic comments. As one prominent Sanders supporter, Princeton professor Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor, noted, it is crucial not to condone, disregard, or make excuses for those bad politics.

Oh come on people stop rabbling! Yeah Joe Rogan has a track record and a history of being a boorish buffoon reminiscent of your average Trump supporter. But let’s face facts – beating Trump should be our number one priority and we can’t keep fighting with ourselves if we’re going to beat him. We must unite damn it! And if we have to include Rogan supporters in the mix, so be it!

Joe Rogan is one of the most popular podcasters in America. He interviews celebrities, politicians, intellectuals and other public figures on an eponymous show. (Years ago, he also hosted Fear Factor.)

Sen. Bernie Sanders is running for president and is one of the leading candidates to challenge President Donald Trump in November.

Last week, Rogan essentially endorsed Sanders. The Sanders campaign quickly turned that into a viral video, seeing it as a key boost with Rogan’s millions of listeners, some of whom do not fall into Sanders’ traditional base of progressive voters.

But this is where things get more complicated and more controversial.

Soon after Rogan voiced his support, some began calling on Sanders, 78, to refuse the endorsement and denounce Rogan. They expressed dismay over Sanders’ decision to use Rogan’s quotes in a piece of official social media marketing.

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Why are people in Iowa protesting outside Joe Biden’s office? We will analyze this and much more coming out of Iowa.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Cold War Kids[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great band from Los Angeles, you can see them on tour though March 21st. Playing their song “Complainer” from the first of a 3 part album series “New Age Norms I”, give it up for Cold War Kids!

Thank you UF-Miami! This was fun! We’re off to Florida State University next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: University Of Florida – Miami, Coral Gables, FL
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jan 29, 2020, 06:00 PM (1 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-3: Viva Lev Parnas Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #8-3: Viva Lev Parnas Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Georgetown? How you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! This is our third Top 10 of the new year that is 2020 and our previous stops couldn’t have gone better. So you guys ready for Super Bowl LIV? Hell yeah!! We got the 49ers and the Chiefs! No pesky teams named Patriots that we have to deal with this year. But my favorite part of the Super Bowl is the prop bets. And these are the bets that don’t necessarily have anything to do with the game , so we will run through some of them. Because hey we like to educate as well as entertain! Like you can bet on how many commercials will have dogs in them. Or you can bet on which Anheuser Busch brand of beer will advertise first. My money is on Michelob Ultra. I mean come on it’s the new year, we’re still counting calories, damn it. Or the coin toss. Or the number of the jersey that will score the first touchdown. Or even what color of Gatorade will be dumped on the willing coach. You can also bet on which J. Lo song will be performed at the halftime show. Which, you know I’m surprised that they’re having Jennifer Lopez play the halftime show given her busy schedule of appearing in two award winning TV shows and all the movies that she does. But that said… there’s always time for J.Lo! Ah that felt good! OK that’s enough of the intro. We got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back, sort of, and he warns us of the dangers of your cell phone’s push notifications.

Man where do we begin this week? In the number one slot is of course the guy who we currently call president and that is Donald J. Trump (1). Did Rachel Maddow uncover the missing link in the Trump – Russia scandal? Please let this be what brings him down! In the second slot this week is Donald Trump’s boss, Vladimir Putin! Yes, Putin is in the hot seat this week after he announces plans to expand his power and the entire Russian government walks out on him! In the number 3 slot this week is Virginia Gun Nuts (3). While the rest of Virginia is supporting sensible gun control laws, Virginia gun nuts are proving that they’re the reason why we can’t have nice things. Taking the fourth slot this week is the Houston Astros (4) and the entire sports world has been rocked with the stunning accusations that the Astros and Alex Cora cheated their way to multiple World Series wins in the last few years. In the number 5 slot is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), and this week we’re going to talk about sleep. It turns out that sleep apnea machine provider ResMed may have aggressively targeted potential customers, and the entire sleep apnea industry might be suspect! Taking the sixth slot this week, is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week, our resident pastor is detailing a holy war of sorts brewing in the Catholic Church between new school Pope Francis and old school Pope Bendict. Who will come out on top? Hard to say. Taking the 7th slot this week is a new “Beating A Dead Horse” – and every celebrity from Stephen King to Vince Vaughn is expressing their political opinions, so why are we completely sick of it? We will let you draw your own conclusions! In the number 8 slot this week is a new edition of our segment “NO!” and a longtime favorite band of the show, REM, has finally had enough of Trump using their music in his campaigns and they’re actually doing something about it! In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week is a new “I Need A Drink” (9). This week we’re going to the annual CES in Las Vegas where robots were all the rage and we’ll tell you about everything from bathroom pals to artificial limbs and walkers! Finally this week, in our 2020 voters’ guide Keeping Up With The Candidates (10), we’re a week out from the Iowa Straw Poll and we can tell you what to expect when the field of candidates gets even narrower! Plus the palate cleanser for all of my nonsense, we have some live music for you from Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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You know, for a party that claims they don’t want a partisan impeachment trial, they really are doing everything they can to make it partisan, am I right? And this whole shit show couldn’t be any crazier than it is right now. Especially when Trump is off to Davos where, the last time, he was all by himself while the rest of our world leaders were networking. But as the impeachment proceedings head to the Senate, things are going to get ugly. And mob boss Mitch McConnell certainly isn’t playing nice. And look at what South Carolina Senator ,and guy who looks like he just won the 2 for 1 Bingo tournament at the local learning annex, Lindsay Graham, and he isn’t playing nice either.

Lindsey Graham has said new impeachment evidence presented by Lev Parnas this week was "no different than the old evidence," calling the indicted Rudy Giuliani associate "crooked as a snake."

The GOP senator for South Carolina told Fox News on Thursday night that he smelled "a rat" and accused Parnas of "dripping out" evidence to the House Intelligence Committee in the build-up to the Senate impeachment trial.

His comments came two days after House Democrats released a trove of documents provided by Parnas' attorney, including text messages and photographs.

A letter from President Donald Trump's personal attorney Giuliani requesting a meeting with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy was also among the evidence, and claimed to be sent with the commander-in-chief's "knowledge and consent."


Lindsay smells a rat? I think I know where this mob movie is going but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Come on, Lindsay, you can't out-act Jack Nicholson so don't even try! But that said we got to talk about this Lev Parnas situation. Viva Lev Parnas! Viva Lev Parnas! Viva, Vivaaaaaaa Lev Paraaaaaaaaaas!!! Thank you, that was my Elvis chunk! Thankyouverymuch! Yes, so Lev Parnas may be the missing link in this whole Trump – Russia affair. But of course you know the Trump cult, they will claim no knowledge of ever knowing Parnas.

Joseph Bondy, the attorney for Lev Parnas, shared on Twitter a video showing his client at an event with Vice President Mike Pence and second lady Karen Pence.

The vice president has denied knowing Parnas after the Ukrainian American businessman accused him of working on an alleged scheme to pressure Ukraine's government. "I don't know the guy," Pence said last week, CNN reported, calling Parnas's claims "completely false."

In the video clip, Parnas is seen holding the hand of Karen Pence and talking with her as the vice president stands by her side, speaking to someone else. Towards the end of the 23-second video, Parnas is seen reaching towards Mike Pence, waiting to shake his hand.

Over the footage plays the opening lines of "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire: "Do you remember the 21st night of September? Love was changing the minds of pretenders while chasing the clouds away."

Holy shit!!! Did he just say that Mike Pence and Rudy Giuliani were possible culprits? Just how deep and connected is this thing? And why does Rudy keep getting invited to things? He’s like the GOP’s Cousin Eddie – he’s such a fuck up that you don’t want to be associated with him, and every time he gets involved, things go very south very quickly!

The House Intelligence Committee released a new trove of evidence Friday that appears to show extensive contact between the top aide for House Intelligence Committee Ranking Member Devin Nunes (R-CA) and Lev Parnas, a former Rudy Giuliani ally and a key figure in the Ukraine scandal.

Following his arrest on campaign finance violation charges, Parnas began providing the committee with a body of notes, photographs, and cellphone data as part of President Donald Trump’s impeachment proceedings. These documents have been made public in tranches; earlier releases further defined Giuliani’s role in the push for a Ukrainian investigation into former Vice President Joe Biden, and included messages that seemed to suggest a Republican congressional candidate had former US ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch under surveillance.

In recent days, Parnas has mounted a concerted push to shed light on outstanding questions related to the president’s pressure campaign — which sought to first trade a White House meeting and later critical military aid, for an investigation into Biden, his son Hunter, and the Democratic Party. Wednesday, he appeared on MSNBC to claim Trump knew “exactly what was going on” with respect to Giuliani’s efforts to advance a Biden investigation, and claiming that Vice President Mike Pence and Attorney General William Barr were involved as well.

Parnas claimed last November that Nunes was also party to the pressure campaign, and that he’d worked with one of the lawmaker’s top aides, former White House official Derek Harvey, to keep the Congress member in the loop about the progress of the quid pro quo scheme.

Have you checked our shitters? So who else does Lev Parnas know and what does he know and how far could this go? These are very pressing questions and they could have some very far reaching implications that could go all the way to Trump himself. This isn’t a reality show, this is a mob movie, but which one? Scarface? Goodfellas? The Godfather? Only time will tell.

A dinner with Jared and Ivanka about cannabis, a phone call from Trump Hotel with Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, and a whole lot of theorizing about George Soros. Lev Parnas’ interactions with Trumpworld, in his words, went way beyond the Ukraine influence effort.

The former ally of Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani spent more than a year embedded with some of the president’s close outside allies. In that time, he said he had an inside view of all sorts of eyebrow-raising interactions and conversations. He described several of them in an interview with The Daily Beast from his lawyer’s office in Midtown Manhattan.

Federal law enforcement officials arrested Parnas and his associate Igor Fruman on Oct. 9 at Dulles Airport. They were then charged with a number of election-related crimes, and accused of funneling Russian money into American political campaigns. Both men maintain their innocence. Fruman has kept quiet throughout the process; Parnas, meanwhile, has spoken out—a lot.

On Thursday and Friday, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and CNN’s Anderson Cooper ran on-air interviews with him in which he made a host of claims regarding core episodes of the Trumpworld effort to extract political goodies from the Ukrainian government in order to boost the president’s re-election campaign. He recounted more episodes from his days in the Trump family orbit to The Daily Beast on Thursday afternoon. He spoke from his lawyer’s conference room, sporting a hoodie and eyeing incredulously the cable news coverage of his case that played in the background.

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[font size="8"]Vladimir Putin
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**Justice League voice** Meanwhile, in Russia!!!!! You know it’s a weird week when Trump’s boss Vladimir Putin attempts to expand his government powers, causing the entire Russian government to quit, and it’s somehow not the number one story of the week! Yes, that happened. People think that American politics aren’t affected by other countries, well, you’re wrong. Vladimir Putin is, to put it lightly, the devil. And he is attempting to expand his power, despite that most of Russia really, truly hates his guts. Maybe this is the world the gun nuts truly fear, and if so I am with them. At least Dmitry Medvedev had the good sense to quit before things got weird.

The entire Russian government is resigning, Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev announced Wednesday, after Vladimir Putin proposed sweeping reforms that could extend his decades-long grip on power beyond the end of his presidency.

Putin thanked members of the government for their work but added that "not everything worked out." Putin added that in the near future he would meet with each member of the cabinet. The mass resignation includes Medvedev.

The surprise announcement came after Putin proposed constitutional amendments that would strengthen the powers of the prime minister and parliament at the expense of the presidency.
Taking power from the presidency and handing it to parliament could signal a power shift that has been long speculated about in Russia.

Putin's critics have suggested that he is considering various scenarios to retain control of the country after his presidential term ends in 2024, including the option of becoming prime minister with extended powers. Similarly, in 2008 Putin swapped places with the prime minister to circumvent the constitutional provision banning the same person from serving two consecutive terms.

Could you imagine Zombie Lenin and Putin going at it? I would honestly pay the $50 Pay Per View fee to watch that! So what happens next? Now that Putin is on his own does he have a backup government ready to go? Or does he go on his own and go full old school Russian Czar on everyone and declare himself to be his own government? Well that could be a number of ways that could go.

The Russian prime minister and entire government resigned on Wednesday as part of sweeping constitutional changes that could see President Vladimir Putin extend his hold on power.

Putin, in his annual address to parliament, proposed a referendum on amending Russia's constitution to increase the powers of parliament - while maintaining a strong presidential system.

"I consider it necessary to conduct a vote by the country's citizens on an entire package of proposed amendments to the country's constitution," Putin said, without specifying a date for a referendum.

He suggested amending the constitution to allow lawmakers to name prime ministers and cabinet members.

The president currently holds the authority to make those appointments.

"It will increase the role of parliament and parliamentary parties, powers and independence of the prime minister and all cabinet members," Putin said.

Not sure you want to do that, Homer! Especially if things are going the way we think things are going to go there, and it’s not going to end well for anyone involved. Trust me, this is going to get very weird very quickly. And we will continue to monitor the situation as it develops. But do you now see how this could end very badly and why we should be absolutely frightened here that Putin wants to expand his powers past 2024? Another two terms of this crap and there may be no stopping him.

President Vladimir Putin replaced his long-serving prime minister and called for sweeping constitutional changes, fueling speculation that the Russian leader is moving to extend his grip on power beyond the end of his term in 2024.

The constitution now requires Putin to step down as president then but he could take on another post to ensure his continued influence. Putin hasn’t commented on his plans and his proposals didn’t include any overhauls that would have created a new post for him. But the shifts could reduce the sweeping powers currently held by the president, potentially reining in any successor while making other bodies more influential.

Putin gave little public explanation for the dramatic and unexpected upheaval, which saw Dmitry Medvedev, one of his most loyal lieutenants, ousted after nearly 8 years in office. Medvedev became premier in 2012 after stepping down as president to make way for Putin’s return to the Kremlin. He will take a new position as deputy chairman of the Security Council, reporting to Putin.

Putin later nominated Mikhail Mishustin, 53, a low-profile technocrat who heads the Federal Tax Service, as his successor, the Kremlin said. Mishustin will address the State Duma, the lower house of parliament, on Thursday when lawmakers meet to consider his candidacy.

Why does Russia make everything weird? And why do we as a species continue to elect such grossly incompetent leaders and then complain about them? We could elect the other guy and that wouldn’t happen but we choose reactionary. But at least Medvedev had the good sense to send Putin packing.

Vladimir Putin has embarked on a sweeping reshuffle of Russia’s leadership, accepting the resignation of Prime Minister Dmitri Medvedev and proposing constitutional amendments that would enable him to hold onto power even after leaving the presidency in 2024.

In a surprise move, Russia’s government said it would resign in full just hours after Putin announced plans for a national referendum that would shift power away from a successor to the presidency.

Putin’s shakeup sent shock waves through Russia’s political elites, who were left pondering what his intentions were and speculating about future cabinet appointments.

The president is laying the groundwork as he prepares for a transition in 2024 that analysts say will likely see him abandon the presidency but remain Russia’s dominant politician in a beefed-up role as Russia’s prime minister or in the government’s State Council instead.

The 67-year-old has in effect ruled Russia since 2000, making him the longest-serving leader since Stalin, and what he plans to do in 2024 remains the most important political question in the country.

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[font size="8"]Gun Nuts
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A favorite talking point among America’s super far right gun nutters is “tyranny of the majority” which means that they’re exercising their right to take on a tyrannical government. Well, it should surprise no one that they are the majority (at least they think they are) and they’ve elected the most tyrannical government the US has ever seen. I’m of course talking about the gathering of the gun nuts in Virginia this week in what might be one of the stupidest protests in American history. Most of the time people protest causes that are supposed to benefit people. Climate change. Not wanting to get shot. Those are good causes right? Gun nuts are protesting… not being able to shoot things. And the rally in Virginia was quite the stuff of insanity.

Thousands of gun-rights advocates packed the streets around the Virginia Capitol on Monday, bristling with weapons, flags and threats of insurrection but never erupting into the violence authorities had feared.

Armed militias carrying assault-style weapons marched in formation until the crowds grew too thick. Protesters without firearms filed through 17 metal detectors at a single entrance to Capitol Square, where about 6,000 people cheered fiery speeches on the Second Amendment. A far larger crowd remained outside the square, where they could keep their weapons.

This was the aftershock of last fall’s elections, when thousands of Virginia voters gave majorities in the General Assembly to Democrats who promised to enact gun-control laws. The losing side of that equation thundered through this city’s streets on Monday, backed up by self-styled patriots from all over the country.

‘Why do you need something so big to go the range?’

The paucity of protesters meant that there were few confrontations. For the most part, if strangers spoke to one another, it was to compliment a sign or a firearm.

As the crowd began to thin out, however, one heated conversation drew a small gathering of onlookers.

“Why do you need to have that gun?” Paul Karns asked a 19-year-old in a black leather jacket with a massive .338-caliber Lapua precision rifle slung proudly over his shoulder.

Of course you are, and as to the question as to why gun owners would need something so big… oh fuck it, just go make some penis jokes on your own. I’ll wait. But then of course things got weird. And how did they get weird? Well he showed up. And by him, no, not Trump himself, who was egging on the 2A protestors, but Alex Jones. Who was literally riding around in an armored car. You know for people who hate tyranny, they really are showcasing what a tyrannical government looks like, aren’t they?

Hours after the 18th annual Lobby Day Gun Rally at Capitol Square ended, demonstrators on both sides of the debate have already begun weighing in on the effectiveness of the demonstrations.

People like Jefferey Hopkins who came all the way from Massachusetts hope the number of Second Amendment supporters will make Virginia lawmakers think twice about gun reform legislation.

“My wife and I drove over eight hours to show that the whole country is in supporting Virginia and Virginians in their Second Amendment rights,” said Jeffery Hopkins. “I’m hoping people realize that gun owners are not violent people and we don’t want our hands to be tied when it comes to the protection of our loved ones.”

The event’s organizer, Philip Van Cleave with the Virginia Citizens Defense League, called the gun rally a success saying that he was pleased with the event and that the Second Amendment supporters “were a group of people whose voices were heard.”

But major players on the other side of the gun debate like gun reform activist Adam Parker say their voices were louder.

Yeah probably. But things could have been way worse. I mean get a bunch of big fat white guys with itchy trigger fingers and some really big guns into a small area? Thank god nothing set them off or this could have gone very badly for them. And guess what? You know how we joke about how they have a false flag equivalency for everything (see: Idiots #5-7 and Idiots #4-13)? Well of course Infowars has to go and float that conspiracy!

Infowars associate and former Navy SEAL Matt Bracken is giving out tactical advice to white nationalist audiences about attending a pro-gun rally in Virginia Monday and laying the groundwork to bolster “false-flag” conspiracy theories in the event of violence.

Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam declared a state of emergency ahead of the Jan. 20 pro-gun event at the state’s capitol in Richmond in response to threats of violence and reports that violent hate groups may attend. On Thursday, the FBI arrested neo-Nazis who had discussed opening fire at the event and who possessed an assault rifle and a cache of ammunition.

Although he does not plan to go to the event Monday, Bracken gave a nearly two-hour interview Friday about the rally to the web-based outlet Red Ice, which acts a megaphone for white nationalist and white supremacist rhetoric. Bracken claimed that the FBI arrested the neo-Nazis in order to fabricate a timeline of events that the agency could later use to smear people opposed to gun control laws. He also compared the FBI to the East German Stasi and attempted to downplay the threat the violent neo-Nazis posed to the event.

“[The FBI] arrested them because they’re setting a narrative. They’re basically putting up the background music, the subliminal background music, that really, really bad white racist nationalists are coming to Richmond and we’ve got to stop them,” Bracken said. “So no matter what happens on Monday in Richmond—if there’s any shooting or there’s somebody driving a car into a crowd—believe me, it’s going to be blamed on the 2nd Amendment.”

No bribes here! But at least the gun nuts showed that they are capable of good clean fun, whatever that may be. Once they are done gulping down buckets of Jim Bakker’s end times prepper food in preps for whatever excuse of a rally that was, at least they cleaned up their mess. Could they clean up the mess caused by their president? I’m guessing probably not.

As thousands descended upon Richmond for a pro-gun rally on Monday, stickers ended up stuck to the pavement. A Salem man encouraged attendees to clean up the mess.

Elyas Christley traveled to Capitol Square joining other gun-rights activists voicing their opposition to plans by the state's Democratic leadership to pass gun-control legislation.

An estimated 22,000 people showed up. Many wore bright orange stickers that said "Guns Save Lives," which were handed out by the Virginia Citizens Defense League.

Christley grabbed a black plastic bag and yelled his "trash call" at 8th and Main Streets urging people to clean up the mess littering the roadway.

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[font size="8"]Houston Astros
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I know this isn’t really anything to do with politics but it’s dominating the news and I am OK so there’s no icons for “World Series stealer” or “being a cheating douchebag”. But what I am about to say, I say this as a baseball fan and in particular an AL West fan. Houston Astros, fuck you. Yeah the sooner you realize that the better. Also, Alex Cora - fuck you too. If you’re a sports fan at all the fact that the Houston Astros cheated their way to a World Series and Alex Cora won a world series the following year should both disgust and sicken you. And by the way Alex Cora and Jose Altuve really aren’t helping things. If anything they’re making the situation worse. Come on, MLB, seriously, Pete Rose got banned for less than this.

For the first time since MLB issued a nine-page report on the Houston Astros high-tech sign-stealing scandal, Houston players spoke to the media at the team's FanFest over the weekend. It did not go well. Astros players, including stars Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve, handled the situation the wrong way, says former MLB executive David Samson.

Samson, on the latest episode of Nothing Personal with David Samson, said when Altuve answered questions there was "zero contrition, zero I'm sorry's."

"He is combative. He becomes a predictor," Samson said. "'We're gonna win the World Series. We're gonna be in the World Series. We did nothing wrong. At the end of the year everything's going to be fine.'"

Samson called this a "disgrace" and said if this was his team, he would have prepared the players with answers to every possible question. He also calls out the team for not making the players available before the fan event, saying this is not the time or place to be discussing the sign-stealing investigation and that it should've happened prior to a public event.

Oh fuck off. You know who else said that that they’re doing nothing wrong? Donald J. Trump, and you know how well that’s going! So what do actual baseball players think of the latest allegations surrounding the Houston Astros and Alex Cora? Well, behind the scenes the managers and owners are furious about the Astros’ cheating scandal and rightfully so. They pretty much ruined it, and don’t think the Red Sox are immune from this either. Pretty much anyone under the influence of Alex Cora is now highly suspect.

Multiple ownership-level sources told ESPN that dissatisfaction with the penalties had emerged following a conference call with Manfred, in which he explained how the Astros would be disciplined, then told teams to keep their thoughts to themselves.

"The impression," one person familiar with the call told ESPN, "was that the penalty for complaining would be more than Houston got."

The concern over any possible discipline for breaking ranks didn't entirely silence teams. At 12:30 a.m. ET on Tuesday, the Los Angeles Dodgers, who lost the 2017 World Series in seven games to an Astros team that MLB's investigation confirmed cheated during that postseason, released a statement that read: "All clubs have been asked by Major League Baseball not to comment on today's punishment of the Houston Astros as it's inappropriate to comment on discipline imposed on another club. The Dodgers have also been asked not to comment on any wrongdoing during the 2017 World Series and will have no further comment at this time."

Run through a passive-aggressive translator, the Dodgers' words mirrored what a team president had said earlier in the day.

"Crane won," he said. "The entire thing was programmed to protect the future of the franchise. He got his championship. He keeps his team. His fine is nothing. The sport lost, but Crane won."

Yeah this whole thing with the Astros really is kind of like Mr. Burns stuffing a beer league team with World Series caliber players. Now the control group for this whole thing - what does an actual Houston Astro think of the sign stealing scandal? Let’s ask OF Josh Reddick, who was actually on the 2017 team that won the World Series, what he thinks of the whole ordeal. And this is coming from someone who was on the inside.

Outfielder Josh Reddick addresses the media Thursday at an Astros Caravan appearance at St. Arnold’s Brewery. Reddick did not add any details to the Astros cheating scandal other than to say the situation "stinks."

Outfielder Josh Reddick addresses the media Thursday at an Astros Caravan appearance at St. Arnold’s Brewery. Reddick did not add any details to the Astros cheating scandal other than to say the situation "stinks."Photo: Karen Warren, Karen Warren / Staff photographer Houston Astros outfielder Josh Reddick is interviewed by local media members before the start on the Astros Caravan at St. Arnold’s Brewery, in Houston, January 16, 2020. Reddick did not add any details to the Astros cheating scandal other than to say the situation "stinks."

Houston Astros outfielder Josh Reddick is interviewed by local media members before the start on the Astros Caravan at St. Arnold’s Brewery, in Houston, January 16, 2020. Reddick did not add any details to the Astros cheating scandal other than to say the situation "stinks."Photo: Karen Warren, Staff photographer

A stark silence ended Thursday. A player who witnessed the Astros’ electronic sign-stealing scheme finally spoke. Josh Reddick offered scant specifics. Afforded the opportunity, the outfielder did not signal any regret.

The scandal has cost four men their jobs, called into question the legitimacy of the 2017 World Series championship, and thrown the Astros into immediate upheaval.

“It just stinks,” Reddick said. “It stinks for everybody involved.”

Damn straight it does! And if this was a managerial decision, what does that say about the players and staff who were unwitting pawns? Well let’s take a look at one of the whistleblowers in this whole damn scenario. So the Astros used some James Bond level tech to cheat. Actually they really just used things available at your local Best Buy. But nevertheless, what they did was wrong and they should absolutely be punished for it.

Last November, former Chicago White Sox pitcher Danny Farquhar said in an interview with the Athletic that he had heard banging coming from the Astros dugout when he was pitching in a September 2017 game in Houston.

As soon as he read that Athletic story, O’Brien said he searched for the tape of the game, found it, and posted a video, which, in clear and precise terms, walks viewers through the scheme. It has been viewed 2.7 million times since it was posted last November, according to YouTube.

It clearly shows a huge advantage for the Astros’ hitter, Evan Gattis. Fans concerned about the game’s purity give O’Brien credit for taking the episode seriously.

The MLB’s official report found there was a sense of “panic” in the Astros dugout after Farquhar appeared to notice the banging, which Farquhar came to believe alerted Astros to calls for off-speed pitches from White Sox catcher Kevan Smith.

In O’Brien’s video, Farquhar, since retired from the game, calls timeout and apparently confers at the mound with Smith over the need to change signs. He goes on to get the hitter out with a changeup.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: You Snooze You Lose
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

The science of sleep is a complex and tricky one. And if you cannot sleep, which is a lot of us, there’s many ways that can help that. One of which is a sleep apnea machine. However, if you do use a sleep apnea machine or are heavily considering one, you should be aware that one of the world’s top manufacturers of such devices is currently under fire. You may have been unfairly targeted by ResMed if you are a customer considering a device. And they’re not the only company in the sleep apnea business that is engaging in this practice. If you feel that you were unfairly targeted by some aggressively shady business practices, well, you’re not alone.

ResMed, a San Diego, Calif.-based company that sells sleep apnea machines, will pay $37.5 million to settle allegations that it provided kickbacks to obtain customer referrals, federal prosecutors announced this week.

The settlement covers five whistleblower lawsuits filed on behalf of the federal government. The lawsuits say that the company provided free services and equipment to medical equipment suppliers, sleep labs and other health care providers in violation of the federal False Claims Act.

“Paying any type of illegal remuneration to induce patient referrals undermines the integrity of our nation’s health care system,” Jody Hunt, head of the U.S. Justice Department’s civil division, said in a statement. “When a patient receives a prescription for a device to treat a health care condition, the patient deserves to know that the device was selected based on quality of care considerations and not on unlawful payments from equipment manufacturers.”

ResMed didn’t acknowledge any wrongdoing in the settlement but agreed to tighten controls on its pricing and sales.

In a statement, the company said it settled to avoid “the expense, inconvenience and distraction” of continuing the legal fight.

But even if you are in the market for a CPAP machine, getting one can be a nightmare for the people who actually need one. Insurance companies don’t make it easy for people to obtain devices like this that they actually need. And if the provider is under fire for aggressively targeting customers, that negates the people who might actually really need a machine like this because a sleeping disorder can affect how they work and live.

As many CPAP users discover, the life-altering device comes with caveats: Health insurance companies are often tracking whether patients use them. If they aren't, the insurers might not cover the machines or the supplies that go with them. And, faced with the popularity of CPAPs — which can cost $400 to $800 — and their need for replacement filters, face masks and hoses, health insurers have deployed a host of tactics that can make the therapy more expensive or even price it out of reach.

Patients have been required to rent CPAPs at rates that total much more than the retail price of the devices, or they've discovered that the supplies would be substantially cheaper if they didn't have insurance at all.

Experts who study health care costs say insurers' CPAP strategies are part of the industry's playbook of shifting the costs of widely used therapies, devices and tests to unsuspecting patients.

"The doctors and providers are not in control of medicine anymore," says Harry Lawrence, owner of Advanced Oxy-Med Services, a New York company that provides CPAP supplies. "It's strictly the insurance companies. They call the shots."

Insurers say their concerns are legitimate. The masks and hoses can be cumbersome and noisy, and studies show that about one third of patients don't use their CPAPs as directed.