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Top 10 Idiots

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Member since: Wed May 30, 2018, 12:44 PM
Number of posts: 431

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This is the official DU account for the new format Top 10 Conservative Idiots separate from the host account Initech. The new format Top 10 will launch June 13th, 2018 and all posts related to the Top 10 (promos, etc) will be posted from this account only. If you wish to contact the Top 10 you may do so here: E-mail (all questions, concerns, suggestions, and hate mail welcome): Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com Follow the Top 10 on Twitter: @10Idiots A Facebook page will be created shortly. **This account will ONLY be used to post official Idiots editions, promos, and things related to the Top 10. No other posts will come from this account** Top 10 Wiki: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211322508

Journal Archives

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-6: Dennis & Kanye Go To Pyongyang Palace Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-6: Dennis & Kanye Go To Pyongyang Palace Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Kansas City??? Man we’ve been having an awesome time on the road so far and it’s great to see that we have amazing audiences in the places that we’ve visited so far. This is our 4th stop this season and we are definitely going to try to hit as many places along the way this season. We are hanging out at the lovely Alamo Drafthouse and this is my kind of place – it’s got movies, beer, and comedy! All 3 great things rolled into one! And hey if they sponsor our show it’s even better! So let’s talk some golf. I am not much of a golfer but when I saw this story trending over the weekend I couldn’t help but wonder… what the fuck. You know The Open was this weekend and while most of the attention was being placed on 6th place golfer Tiger Woods, this story involving British golfer Eddie Papperelle slipped through the cracks. Here’s the thing Eddie – I know many of us can work hungover, and well. As Zach Galafinakis put it – “I do my best work hungover, fewer brain cells to confuse the issues”. But really, Eddie, if you’re playing in a tournament, you might want to save the heavy drinking for *AFTER* the tournament, not during! And then my favorite part is how he tweets out “I was not that drunk!”. Hey Eddie, we’ve all been there. At least pick a profession you can do drunk, like my job! OK enough of the intro! We got a lot of idiocy to cover this week, but first Jim Jefferies is back and he tackles the subject of diversity at Comic Con:

Holy crap, where do we begin this week? Well the guy who we currently call “president”, Donald J Trump (1) used his favorite medium – the Tweet – to threaten nuclear war with Iran. Wow. In the second slot this week is Dennis Rodman (2), and he got a plus one to North Korea and he really wants to bring along Kanye West, because, reasons. In the third slot, Alex Jones (3) is absolutely losing it, and this time he may have committed an on air felony or two. . In the fourth slot this week is Profiles In #Civility and whew there were quite a lot of these stories! Taking the fifth slot this week we have a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing”, and this week after a series of scandals, we’re going to ask: “The National Enquirer – How Is This Still A Thing?”. Taking the sixth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (6) and this week we’re going to talk about how your choice of breakfast cereal can possibly kill you. Taking the 7th seed this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and our resident pastor has some very alarming news for you concerning the Dark One’s choice of SCOTUS nominee. In the number 8 slot we have a new installment of “Beating A Dead Horse” and this week we’re going to talk about something called Trump Derangement Syndrome, because that’s a thing. I heard a guy on the twittersphere say so! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of People Are Dumb because, well, people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got a new edition of Deep State Diaries. Last week we showed you the inner workings of the food industry with the USDA, this week we’re further exploring the food industry by including drugs this time around and exploring the FDA! Plus we’ve got some new music for you from a great band you might have heard of called AWOLNATION. They have a great new album out called “Here Come The Runts”. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, returning to the top spot this week is the guy who we currently call “president”, Donald J. Trump! Bravo, take a bow! So what was the colossal fuck up that happened this week to earn Donny the top spot on the list? Well, only the threat of nuclear war against Iran. You know the GOP has been beating this war drum as long as I’ve been alive. But this is the first time they’ve ever actually made a direct threat.

President Donald Trump threatened his Iranian counterpart in a Sunday night Twitter post:

Trump's tweet followed Iranian President Hassan Rouhani cautioning the American leader on Sunday about pursuing hostile policies against Tehran, saying: "War with Iran is the mother of all wars."

"You are not in a position to incite the Iranian nation against Iran's security and interests," the Iranian leader said, in an apparent reference to reports of efforts by Washington to destabilize Iran's Islamic government. Still, Rouhani did not rule out peace between the two countries.

The heated exchange comes as tension between the two nations has increased since Trump pulled the U.S. out of a nuclear deal with Iran that was struck during the Obama administration.

Monday morning, Trump's hawkish national security advisor, John Bolton, backed the president's threat. “I spoke to the President over the last several days, and President Trump told me that if Iran does anything at all to the negative, they will pay a price like few countries have ever paid before," Bolton said in a statement released by the White House.


Holy fucking shitballs! Did Trump really just say that? Of course he did, and if you expect anything less then we’re not living in the same year. Here’s the tweet. Can we throw that up there?


That must have been an exceptionally angry 3:00 AM toilet tweet that morning. Is someone putting something in Trump’s food? You know he’s taking a colossally backed up shit when he puts his all caps face on! Just let that image sink in for a moment. So in case you’re wondering what Iran’s response is, well, they handled it about the way you’d expect.

Iran has shot back at US President Donald Trump, dismissing his all-caps Twitter warning that the country would suffer consequences if it continued to threaten the US, saying it was unimpressed by the late-night tweet.

"COLOR US UNIMPRESSED," Iran's Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif tweeted Monday night, employing Trump's penchant to use all capital letters in his tweets.

"The world heard even harsher bluster a few months ago. And Iranians have heard them -- albeit more civilized ones -- for 40 yrs. We've been around for millennia & seen fall of empires, incl our own, which lasted more than the life of some countries. BE CAUTIOUS."

Zarif's online comments are the latest in the escalating war of words between Washington and Tehran. Zarif's tweet comes less than a day after Trump posted a furious Twitter warning to Iranian President Hassan Rouhani.

Calm down! We’re all not going to die. Yet. Let’s take a look at what might possibly be fueling this insane all caps tirade here. Really, Trump is like your angry uncle who’s just now figuring out how to use social media and can’t figure out why nobody is on his AOL chat line anymore. Get with the times, Uncle Tom!!!! So what’s fueling this?

Anytime Iran and the United States trade threats, global oil markets snap to attention. The reason is the narrow stretch of water at the mouth of the Persian Gulf.

President Trump did not mention the strategic Strait of Hormuz in his late Sunday tirade against Iran, tweeting in capital letters that Iran “WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE,” in case it threatened the United States.

But Iran is often quick to remind the world of its key location along one of the world's main oil tanker routes. On Sunday, before Trump's threat, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani had said that any war with Iran would be “the mother of all wars.” Earlier this month, Rouhani implied that Iran has the power to severely disrupt the oil trade in the Persian Gulf, which would likely mean an attempt to blockade the Strait of Hormuz. Last weekend, Rouhani appeared to repeat his veiled threat and was quoted on his official website as saying: “Mr Trump! We are the people of dignity and guarantor of security of the waterway of the region throughout the history. Don't play with the lion's tail; you will regret it.”

Of course that’s the problem. And yes we’re very disappointed that that’s the reason crazy Uncle Donnie was threatening nuclear war during his 3:00 AM shit. But here’s where we’re probably all gonna die, and for possibly real this time!

Current Council president and Swedish Ambassador to the U.N. Olof Skoog told CBS News' Pamela Falk that, "any escalation, rhetorically or otherwise in that region is something that would be of concern."

"The region needs the complete opposite, which is de-escalation and confidence building," Skoog said.

The U.S. is pushing many countries hard to stop buying Iranian oil before U.S. sanctions are put back in place as part of the Trump administration's rejection of the Iran nuclear deal struck by President Barack Obama. The sanctions will make any foreign institutions that continue to do business with Iran subject to huge fines and possible blockage from the U.S. financial system.

Many U.S. allies in Asia, the Middle East and elsewhere have been trying to negotiate exemptions to the looming rules, but as of last week, they didn't appear to be getting far.

"One council member has moved away from the deal," Skoog said of the Trump administration's withdrawal from the 2015 agreement, "so of course that makes it difficult for the Council to express itself, but the great majority of Council members and certainly members of the United Nations are fully behind the deal that was struck."

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[font size="8"]Dennis Rodman
[br] [/font]

OK so you’re Dennis Rodman and you and everyone’s favorite, loveable mass murdering dictator Kim Jong Un are like this, and he finally gives you that +1 invite that you’ve been clamoring for, for many years now, who do you bring along? Well, Mr. Rodman has one person in particular that he’d like to bring along on his next diplomatic mission.

Earlier this month, Kanye West tweeted an image of a Chicago Bulls jersey signed by Dennis Rodman with the caption, “One of my biggest inspirations… always breaking barriers with independent thought.”

Now, in a new interview, Rodman thanked the rapper and said that he planned to invite West to North Korea, where the former NBA star has struck up an unlikely friendship with the hermit state’s dictator, Kim Jong-un. “Kanye, he’s doing amazing work around the world so I respect him too,” Rodman told Us Weekly. “So hopefully one day we’ll get together and collaborate on certain things. Guess what, I’ll take Kanye West to North Korea with me.”

Rodman continued, suggesting the rapper might be inspired to record an album by the experience. “Matter of fact, I’m going to invite him next time I go to North Korea. If the door’s open in September, I will invite Kanye West with me to go to North Korea with me… If he wants to make an album about that, he’ll be there for like six to seven days, and he’ll see what’s going on. Now, go make a song about this. So here you go.”

I'm not sure if I should be thrilled that Dennis and Kanye are having a bromance, or if I can't wait for the movie Dennis & Kanye Go To Pyongyang Palace? Thank you Kansas City! But there’s more to this three-way bromance and it doesn’t involve Kim Jong Un.

Kanye West and Dennis Rodman bonded over Chicago (the city – not West’s youngest daughter) and the ex-NBA star sent the rapper a pretty sweet gift afterward.

Rodman tells The Blast that he met Kanye at the March for Our Lives rally in DC a few months ago. The two stars took a pic together, and after the rally, The Worm said he wanted to send Yeezy a personalized and signed jersey, being that he was a big fan.

Rodman, of course, famously played for the Bulls during their heyday and, West was raised in Chi-town.

Rodman tells The Blast that he met Kanye at the March for Our Lives rally in DC a few months ago. The two stars took a pic together, and after the rally, The Worm said he wanted to send Yeezy a personalized and signed jersey, being that he was a big fan.

Rodman, of course, famously played for the Bulls during their heyday and, West was raised in Chi-town.
Dennis Rodman Kanye West

A source tells us that Rodman always respected West for being a “free spirit,” like himself, and remembered when the rapper dyed his hair blonde a few years back like Rodman did back in the mid 90’s.

Wait, whoa whoa whoa. Back up! Beep beep! Didn’t Kanye recently come out as a hardcore Trump supporter (see Top 10 #4-16 )a few months ago? What was he doing at the March For Our Lives? This is something that Trump supporters wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole. Come on, Kanye, if you’re going to be overtly political, at least be consistent with your beliefs! So Mr. Rodman’s politics haven’t exactly won him a lot of fans lately.

A number of jokes during the evening from the roasters involved Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey.

The ex-basketball star and reality TV personality struggled through most of his time on Saturday during the taping of the roast in Hollywood.

It got particularly tense when Rodman made a joke about the North Korean leader and his pal, Kim Jong-un.

Trying to give Willis a hard time about some of his movie choices, Rodman said, "You keep making these bomb movies like Kim, but at least he is smart enough not to release his."

That did not go over well and elicited boos.

Rodman struggled in general and apologized a number of times to the audience and guests onstage as he flubbed his lines.

No I’m pretty sure they’re booing you. But here’s the other weird thing – so Rodman wants to bring everyone’s favorite fun loving dictator to the US – to watch a Knicks game of all things!

Next up for Dennis Rodman — bringing Kim Jong Un and James Dolan together.

The NBA Hall of Famer tells the Daily News that if Kim visits the United States, he hopes to bring the North Korean dictator to see the Knicks and meet their leader.

“The first thing he wants to do is go to a Knicks game — he wants to go to Madison Square Garden,” according to Rodman.

Now the lead adviser of Business Development for anytickets.com, The Worm is in charge of coordinating VIP outings for the lifestyle brand. He’s confident he can make it happen.

“If you want to go to a Knicks game and meet Dolan, you can go meet him,” Rodman said of his plan to broker a summit.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

I was originally going to talk about the Oath Keepers bailing on their own protest for this entry but then Alex Jones had to go be his usual batshit crazy self. But he really might be losing it this time. What, I’m being completely serious here! So we’re going to tell you the latest batshit crazy thing he said, and then tell you all the crazy things he did to come to that conclusion. Because it is Alex Jones here, and I swear that he must have fact checkers working double overtime. God bless the fact checkers, BTW!

Infowars host Alex Jones on Monday issued a threat toward special counsel Robert Mueller, accusing him of covering up sex crimes and suggesting he wanted to duel the former FBI chief in an imaginary gunfight.

Jones made the comments on an episode of "The Alex Jones Show," first reported by Media Matters.

"I mean, Mueller covered up for a decade for [Jeffrey] Epstein kidnapping kids, flying them on sex planes, some kids as young as seven years old reportedly, with big perverts raping them to frame people," Jones says in the video, referring to billionaire sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, who was convicted of sex crimes after being accused of soliciting multiple teenage girls as young as 13.

"Mueller is a monster, man," Jones continues in the video. "People say, 'Well, God, aren't you scared of him?' I'm scared of not manning up. I'm constantly in fear that I'm not being a real man, and I'm not doing what it takes, and I'm not telling the truth."

Yes something tells me it will be like Wiley Coyote trying to catch the Road Runner. But just I can’t even… I mean… holy shit. But of course it gets weirder – way weirder. Alex has likened himself to the men who brought down Nixon – Woodward and Bernstein. Wait, does he know anything about the Nixon administration?

Right-wing radio host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones argued he was acting as a journalist, comparing himself to the Washington Post reporters who uncovered the Watergate scandal, when he questioned on his talk show "Infowars" the official narrative given by officials in the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting.

In written arguments filed om court on Friday, Jones moved to dismiss a defamation lawsuit filed by the families of some of the 26 people killed in the Connecticut shooting. Jones acknowledged that he had called the shooting a hoax, but said he now believes it happened.

"Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein relied on allegations from 'Deep Throat' to link the Nixon Administration to the Watergate break-in," his lawyers wrote in filing for a dismissal. "Such journalism, questioning official narratives, would be chilled if reporters were subject to liability if they turned out to be wrong,"

A gunman killed 20 first-graders and six educators at the Newtown, Connecticut, school Dec. 14, 2012.

Several families filed suit in April in state Superior Court, saying that Jones' comments questioning the shooting have tormented them and subjected them to harassment and death threats by his followers, some of whom have accused them of being crisis actors.

Yeah so Alex is losing it big time. But then again, he never really had “it” to begin with. And you know we’ve tried to understand on this program, the alt right’s obsession with pedophilia – and they are fucking obsessed – but it can’t be done! And they are obsessed!

Alex Jones has on more than one occasion spoken out against Mueller's investigation over alleged collusion between Donald Trump's presidential campaign and Russia during the 2016 presidential race, but this time he picked up on a few shadowy episodes from the special counsel's FBI past.

InfoWars host Alex Jones has accused special counsel Robert Mueller of covering up sex-related crimes, Media Matters reported, citing Jones’ comments on Monday’s edition of the Alex Jones Show. The host went on to verbally threaten the former FBI director with an imaginary duel.

In a video, Jones alleged that Mueller, who headed the agency from 2001 to 2013, had during all those years been covering up for multiple sex abuse cases involving Jeffrey Epstein, a now convicted billionaire, whom he points out was “kidnapping kids, flying them on sex planes, some kids as young as seven years old reportedly, with big perverts raping them to frame people.”

“Mueller is a monster man,” Jones continued, stating that he personally is scared of “not manning up” and “not telling the truth” and thereby avoiding facing up to Mueller.

Someone actually has to write for that character! And I don’t know how guys like Alex Jones get away with saying this shit. It’s like 6 Degrees Of Kevin Bacon, except there’s just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is a satanic pedophile! I mean really Alex isn’t any different from that crazy woman who was on Trading Spouses all those years back. Remember those times? I miss those times!

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones threatened special counsel Robert Mueller during a Monday episode of his InfoWars show, miming a shooting and saying he would "die trying" to take Mueller down.

Jones began by making unfounded claims about Mueller and Jeffrey Epstein, who was convicted of solicitation of a minor for prostitution in 2008.

"That's the thing, is like, once it's Mueller, everyone's so scared of Mueller, they'd let Mueller rape kids in front of people, which he did," Jones said. "I mean, Mueller covered up for a decade for Epstein kidnapping kids, flying them on sex planes, some kids as young as seven years old reportedly, with big perverts raping them to frame people."

"That's a demon I will take down, or I'll die trying," Jones continued.

Jones made repeated shooting gestures as he closed out the rant.

"It's not a joke. It's not a game. It's the real world. Politically. You're going to get it, or I'm going to die trying, b*tch," Jones concluded. "Get ready. We're going to bang heads. We're going to bang heads."

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[font size="8"]Profiles In #Civility
[br] [/font]

Ed. Note - for the record, we are *NOT* going to include the story about the Texas waiter who wrote "We don't tip terrorist" as that story proved to be a fake. Back to the show!

So two weeks ago during our Austin show we debuted a new segment called “Profiles In #Civility”. Now if you need a back check on this, it got started when conservatives started a # on the twittersphere after Maxine Waters had that rant against Trump and started getting death threats. But #Civility extends so far from there. So now we’ve turned this into a regular feature because there are a metric fuck ton of these stories coming out. Let’s start with this story out of Arizona where a pharmacist denied a transgender woman’s access to hormone medication.

CVS has fired an Arizona pharmacist after he refused to fill out a transgender woman's prescription for hormone medication, the company announced Friday.

The company also issued an apology to the woman, saying the pharmacist's action "does not reflect our values or our commitment to inclusion, nondiscrimination and the delivery of outstanding patient care."

Hilde Hall wrote about her experience at the Fountain Hills CVS in a blog post for the American Civil Liberties Union on Thursday, stating the unidentified pharmacist in April had refused to fill out the first hormone prescription she had been issued by her doctor.

"I was finally going to start seeing my body reflect my gender identity and the woman I've always known myself to be," she wrote.

Read more: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/salvadorhernandez/cvs-fired-a-pharmacist-who-refused-to-fill-out-a

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! So there’s your #Civility – a holier than thou pharmacist denying a trans woman her basic right to live. And seriously what the fuck are self-described Christians like this doing in any position where they might actually have to help someone? Seriously! Next up there’s this story out of Albany, New York.

A Home Depot in Albany allegedly fired a black man after a racist Trump supporter hurled abusive racial slurs at him.

The Times-Union reports that Maurice Rucker, 60-year-old black man, was let go from a job he’s held for 10 years—making $13 an hour—because he politely asked a customer to leash his dog in the store.

“I said to him, “Sir, when you have your dog in here we prefer that you keep it on a leash,'” according to the Times-Union.

He turned around and said, ‘F**k you. You’re an a*****e you’re a piece of s**t,'” Rucker said.

He says, ‘If Trump wasn’t president, you wouldn’t even have a job.’ He said, ‘You’re from the ghetto, what do you know?'”

“I’ve lived all over the country and I’ve had no one talk to me the way that this guy talked to me,” said Rucker.


MAGA! Thank you audience! It should really be – MARA – make America racist again! Of course the good news is that at least Home Depot learned a bit of #Civility out of this.

After a man last Thursday approached the checkout at a Home Depot in Albany, N.Y., staff member Maurice Rucker asked him to leash his dog. That's when the man exploded.

Rucker, a 60-year-old black man, claimed he was fired Tuesday after defending himself from a customer who, he told the Times Union, went on a racist tirade. But after the news media covered his story, the company changed its mind.

The customer allegedly responded to Rucker's request with insults. "'If Trump wasn't president, you wouldn't even have a job,'" the customer said, according to Rucker's retelling to NBC affiliate WNYT. "You're from the ghetto, what do you know?"

Rucker, who did not respond to a request for comment, said he asked the man to leash his dog so he'd be in compliance with store policy. The man replied with expletives until Rucker decided he had enough...more..

Read more: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/he-was-fired-after-an-encounter-with-a-%e2%80%98racist%e2%80%99-customer-after-sharing-his-story-home-depot-changed-its-mind/ar-BBKSLKK?li=BBnbcA1

Yeah! So Home Depot learned a lesson in #Civility. But you know which alt right celebrity apparently didn’t get the memo about #Civility? Roseanne. You know Roseanne, we have this thing called Google, and it still doesn’t excuse the situation any differently!

In the above video, released by Roseanne Barr on her own YouTube channel, the fired actress “explains” the racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett that wrecked her otherwise popular show.

Barr promised to release her own explanation after a series of interviews and her apology to Jarrett when the controversy first erupted in May. In this video, she appears frustrated and agitated, going back and forth with the off-camera interviewer before finally unleashing.

“I thought the bitch was white! God dammit, I thought the bitch was white! Fuck!” she screamed.

No… no you didn’t, and you can’t blame it on the Ambien, either. Finally I do want to mention this story involving Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn and Pizzagate co conspirator Mike Cernovich, and while Gunn got the memo about #Civility, Cernovich definitely didn’t. And let’s just let the irony of this one sink in – a guy arrested for rape, is calling someone else a child rapist! Yeah that happened.

The jokes about rape and pedophilia that got James Gunn fired from his position as writer and director of Marvel’s hugely successful Guardians of the Galaxy franchise are largely un-funny, tasteless, and in most cases disgusting. We should probably get that out of the way right up front, because to defend Gunn in the wake of Disney’s decision is—to a lot of reactionaries with itchy @ fingers—is to also defend the content of the tweets.

But a surprisingly often overlooked part of the conversation is the fact that the ringleader of Gunn’s downfall, Mike Cernovich, had to scroll back to 2011 to find the tweets at all. Seven years, conveniently bypassing apologies and mea culpas, overlooking attempts at change, ignoring statements like the one Gunn posted just days before he was fired:

“Many people who have followed my career know when I started, I viewed myself as a provocateur, making movies and telling jokes that were outrageous and taboo. As I have discussed publicly many times, as I’ve developed as a person, so has my work and my humor.”

To deny someone the capacity to change is a dangerous precedent to set, not just in Hollywood where a person’s public life is on display 24/7 but to anyone engaging in the social media age. It sets the bar at, “What’s the point?” It gives the message that concepts like betterment and learning are futile because the sins of your past are an immovable weight that only gets heavier the harder you climb. Strange, from a monolith like Disney, which has worked tirelessly to paint over a past filled with scars like Song of the South and Dumbo‘s horribly stereotypical black crows, to name just a few. But through a sheer effort of PR and Marvel-aided goodwill, that Disney feels like a ghost of the studio now. Which is exactly what makes Gunn’s firing so frustrating; Disney didn’t fire a director, they fired his ghost.

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[font size="8"] How Is This Still A Thing: The National Enquirer
[br] [/font]

Time once again to ask:

The National Enquirer. How is this still a thing? In a day and age where your local newspaper has been consolidated and repackaged to the point where it may just now be literally a sheet of paper, one magazine with outlandishly worded headlines that you see while waiting in line at your local supermarket is still being printed after all these years – the National Enquirer. In the last two years the tabloid has become louder and bolder, and may have violated a federal law or two when it comes to discussing the current administration.

Federal investigators looking into President Donald Trump‘s former lawyer Michael Cohen have been digging into payments made to women who claimed to have had affairs with Trump in the past. Now, it appears that American Media Inc., the publisher of the National Enquirer who made one of those payments, could be in trouble as well, according to The New York Times.

In 2016, A.M.I. paid former Playboy model Karen McDougal $150,000 for her story about a relationship she said she had with Trump from 2006 to 2007. The deal gave A.M.I. the rights to the story, which they chose to sit on, effectively keeping the allegations under wraps. The deal also included an arrangement for McDougal to publish columns in A.M.I.’s publications, which she claims they did not fulfill.

Prosecutors are now looking at whether A.M.I.’s behavior crossed the line from journalism into political activity, given that they spent money on something that is believed to be for the benefit of Trump’s campaign. McDougal, in a lawsuit, claims that her attorney at the time, Keith Davidson, had been in touch with Cohen regarding the status of the agreement.

And why does he like the National Enquirer? We have a president who loves having his ass kissed repeatedly. We live in an era where fake news exists, but there is none more fake than the National Enquirer, yet somehow, Trump loves them. In their excessive reporting of Trump, they may have violated a law or two.

Federal authorities examining the work President Trump’s former lawyer did to squelch embarrassing stories before the 2016 election have come to believe that an important ally in that effort, the tabloid company American Media Inc., at times acted more as a political supporter than as a news organization, according to people briefed on the investigation.

That determination has kept the publisher in the middle of an inquiry that could create legal and political challenges for the president as prosecutors investigate whether the lawyer, Michael D. Cohen, violated campaign finance law.

It could also spell trouble for the company, which publishes The National Enquirer, raising thorny questions about when coverage that is favorable to a candidate strays into overt political activity, and when First Amendment protections should apply.

A.M.I.’s role in the inquiry received new attention on Friday with news that federal authorities had seized a recording from Mr. Cohen in which he and Mr. Trump discussed a $150,000 deal A.M.I. struck before the election, effectively silencing a woman’s claims of an affair by buying the rights to her story and not publishing it. The men also discussed whether Mr. Trump should buy the rights away from the company, which he did not ultimately do, according to a lawyer for the president, Rudolph W. Giuliani.

But the connections between the National Enquirer and the Trump campaign may be greater and far more reaching than previously expected. In fact things between the two may be worse than Trump’s nightly phone calls to Sean Hannity.

This will undoubtedly come as a surprise, but Michael Cohen, who just valiantly resigned from the Republican National Committee’s finance committee over migrant-family separations, might have engaged in some shady dealings while representing Donald Trump during his presidential campaign.

Three sources tell the Washington Post that during the presidential campaign and after Trump was elected, National Enquirer executives would send Cohen digital copies of articles related to Trump for his approval prior to publication. Since Trump has a close relationship with David Pecker, chief executive of the magazine’s parent company American Media Inc., the stories tended to be quite positive to start with, but one person said Cohen would sometimes request changes, like a more flattering cover photo or headline change.

The sources said Trump also had access to some pieces about his opponents before publication, like the infamous September 2015 cover story that claimed Hillary Clinton was ill and had “SIX MONTHS TO LIVE!” They also claimed that Trump associates — Cohen, communications adviser Hope Hicks, or sometimes the candidate himself — would call Pecker to suggest stories. They said one example is the Enquirer report that alleged Dr. Ben Carson botched operations.


So we live in an era where fake news is real news, sensationalist journalism and opinion panels replace actual news, and everything right is wrong. And Trump loves all of this. In fact no one picks better articles than he does. He picks the best articles, believe us. So what are they doing? They’re creating a fake news empire!

When Donald Trump acolyte David Pecker purchased 13 of Bauer Publishing’s gossip, celebrity and teen-oriented weeklies for a reported $80 million on June 15, the transaction permitted Pecker’s perennially strapped company, American Media Inc. (publisher of the National Enquirer, Us Weekly, Star, Globe, OK! and Radar Online) to corner the tacky tabloid journalism market.

AMI’s acquisition of Bauer’s In Touch, Life & Style and Closer mags also awarded the 45th president a valuable prize: effective control of the pop-culture engine that helped propel him to the White House and could very well keep him there.

“Mr. Pecker has repeatedly used his brands as a cudgel on behalf of his friend Trump,” Larry Hackett, the former editor of People, argued last week in Australia’s New Daily. People, along with Entertainment Weekly, is the nation’s only celeb-focused magazine not owned by Pecker—with the rest of Time Inc.’s magazines, they were recently purchased by Meredith.

“He has peddled false stories about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama without any regard for the facts,” Hackett continued. “That’s regrettable if it’s one or two publications. But now he has control of… magazines with an estimated readership of 38 million, a virtual monopoly on the eyeballs of supermarket and Walmart shoppers. What’s to stop him from using those titles [to launch] unfounded attacks on Mr. Trump’s political foes, his Hollywood critics, unwanted immigrants?”

In fact look at one story developing and how the National Enquirer simply bought the rights to it for $150,000 and kept it hidden. Yes, it actually involves Trump and a prostitute - to which we here are seriously not shocked at all!

Michael Avenatti has a warning for President Trump: More tapes are out there.

At a roundtable Sunday on ABC News’ “This Week,” the lawyer for adult-film star Stormy Daniels said that the secret recording of Trump that was revealed two days ago is far from the only one made by Trump’s longtime attorney Michael Cohen.

“This is not the only tape,” Avenatti said. “I can tell you that for a fact. There’s multiple tapes.”

He added: “That, ultimately, is going to prove to be a big problem for the president. You know, that old adage, ‘You’ve lived by the sword, you die by the sword,’ is going to be true in this case, because the president knew that his attorney, Michael Cohen, had a predisposition toward taping conversations with people.”

On Friday, three people with knowledge of the conversation told The Washington Post that Cohen had secretly taped a discussion with Trump in September 2016 about whether to purchase the rights to Playboy centerfold Karen McDougal’s account of her alleged affair with Trump.

That conversation took place one month after AMI, the parent company of the National Enquirer, bought the rights to McDougal’s story for $150,000 and then shelved it.

There you have it – an actual outlet known for fake news is caught actually rigging the real news. That’s enough to make you ask – The National Enquirer:

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Death By Cereal
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Kansas City, It is time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Breakfast cereals. They come in all shapes, colors and flavors. You love them as a kid and you probably also love them just as much as an adult. However, one brand in particular has been getting hit hard in the news lately because of a massive recall. In fact the recall is so massive that it’s hit a sizeable majority of the United States. And before anyone asks if your breakfast cereal could possibly kill you, we answer with “yeah, probably”.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is urging consumers to stay away from a popular Kellogg’s cereal that has been linked to a massive salmonella outbreak affecting 100 people in 33 states.

“Do not eat this cereal,” the CDC tweeted Thursday along with a photo of Honey Smacks cereal. The agency revealed that 27 more people from 19 states had been infected from the outbreak since the last update on June 14.

In a statement released Thursday, the agency said, “Do not eat any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal, regardless of package size or best-by date. Check your home for it and throw it away, or return it to the place of purchase for a refund.”

According to CBS News, the Kellogg Co. announced in June that it was investigating the third-party manufacturer that produces the cereal after being contacted by the FDA and CDC about the salmonella outbreak. Kellogg's recalled the cereal on June 14.

At least 30 people were hospitalized due to the outbreak, the CDC said. No deaths have been reported. The agency said that illnesses that occurred after June 19 might not yet have been reported. On average, it takes two to four weeks between when a person becomes sick and when his or her illness is reported.

So that explains why you might get salmonella while eating Honey Smacks – they’re endorsed by what appears to be a frog on smack. And yes, we’re aware that Death By Cereal and Frogs On Smack recently played a double headlining show at the Troubadour. But of course like all things happening in 2018, this story gets weird.

A Utah couple says their 5-month-old son is the state’s only known person infected with salmonella in a nationwide outbreak tied to Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal and they’re struggling to comprehend how it happened.

When 5-month-old Andy Lyons contracted salmonella, his parents were left baffled.

“But then his salmonella matched the outbreak for the Kellogg’s recall,” mother Ashley Lyons said.

The link doctors found to the Honey Smacks outbreak may have answered one question, but raised several more in its place.

“Yeah, we still aren’t 100 percent sure how,” Ashley Lyons said.

Here’s the thing – maybe don’t feed your five year old Honey Smacks! Although that might be safer than a lot of children’s food on the market currently.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says a popular Kellogg’s cereal has been linked to a salmonella outbreak that has infected 100 people in 33 states.

The CDC announced Thursday that customers should avoid Honey Smacks, tweeting, “Do not eat this cereal.” The agency says it found salmonella in samples of Honey Smacks, which has been subject to a voluntary recall by Kellogg since mid-June.

It says that regardless of expiration date, the cereal should be thrown away or returned to a retailer for a refund.

The CDC says at least 30 of the people infected in the outbreak have been hospitalized. It says most people infected with salmonella develop a fever, cramps or diarrhea within 12 to 72 hours of being exposed to the bacteria.

Yes – do not eat that. Do not feed your kids that. Do not feed your pets that. Just stay away from the bad cereal. Apparently there is an entire website dedicated to food poisoning that you need to be made aware of as they keep track of this sort of thing.

The cereal was first recalled on June 14, 2018. Two UPC numbers of the product were recalled. The recalled product had “best if used by” dates of June 14, 2018 through June 14, 2018.

But several days later, the CDC told consumers to not eat any Honey Smacks cereal of any size package or any “best if used by” date. No explanation for this huge recall expansion was given.

Consumers have been advised to throw away any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal, and to clean out containers if the cereal was decanted out of the original box. Even if some of the cereal was eaten and no one got sick, public health officials said discard it.

The cereal was first recalled on June 14, 2018. Two UPC numbers of the product were recalled. The recalled product had “best if used by” dates of June 14, 2018 through June 14, 2018.

But several days later, the CDC told consumers to not eat any Honey Smacks cereal of any size package or any “best if used by” date. No explanation for this huge recall expansion was given.

Consumers have been advised to throw away any Kellogg’s Honey Smacks cereal, and to clean out containers if the cereal was decanted out of the original box. Even if some of the cereal was eaten and no one got sick, public health officials said discard it.

Yes, that apparently might be healthier for you than a bowl of Honey Smacks currently is. That is it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Kansas City, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation! There is a war brewing among us! But it’s not so much that we are the ones fighting it, it’s forces led by the Dark One who are fighting this god forsaken atrocity! For the man whose name we dare not speak – THE DARK ONE – if you will, is about to roll back 100 years of progress with the single stroke of a pen. So apparently we were given the Dark One because it was GAWD’s plan to save America! I mean did you know that? I am a good pastor and I didn’t know this!

Among the “prophets” who make the rounds of Religious Right media declaring that Trump was chosen by God to be the U.S. president is Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj, who appeared on Jim Bakker’s television show this week.

Selvaraj described for Bakker and his audience a vision he said he was given during a prophetic conference in Gettysburg on July 4. In his vision, God was an enormous figure standing on the east coast holding a shepherd’s rod across the U.S. God told Selvaraj that He would judge America for its political crimes. Among the kinds of unrighteousness for which America will be judged, he said, are abortion and marriage equality.

Selvaraj delivered a similar message during a speaking engagement last year, during which he said that Jesus told him that Trump’s term is “the period of grace extended for this nation” and that Americans needed to surround Trump in prayer because he was under a witchcraft attack. Selvaraj describes himself as a former “staunch and orthodox Hindu” who at the age of 16 had “a life-changing supernatural encounter” with Jesus Christ.

During his recent interview with Bakker, Selvaraj said God told him that “diabolical secret alliances and plans” made during the Obama administration would have continued if Hillary Clinton had been elected, and that God had decided to make Trump president to give American Christians an opportunity to “establish righteousness in the land”:

Yes, I like that one! But now things are getting grim especially when the highest court in the land is at stake, and the Dark One and his minions have their eyes set on it!

“The stakes have never been this high” is the subject line on a Monday morning fundraising email from Religious Right political operative Ralph Reed and his Faith and Freedom Coalition. “Getting Judge Brett Kavanaugh confirmed to the U.S. Supreme Court will be the ultimate victory for conservative and Christian values,” reads the donation page.

“With a conservative Supreme Court majority within reach, the stakes in this fight have never been so high,” wrote Reed, who asked for donations to help make sure that the group’s petition urging Senate confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh “cuts through the noise.”

Wrote Reed:

You and I both know what’s at stake: speech, religious freedom, the Second Amendment, and the right to life.

You and I both know why this fight matters. And you and I both know why we must make sure a conservative like Brett Kavanaugh gets seated on the Supreme Court before the November election. …

With your help, we’ll take this fight across the finish line—and protect conservative values for decades to come.

Yes, brother Ralph! That is not how this works! You have it all wrong, because that is not what JAYSUS would want, and saying otherwise is not only a SIN it is BLASPHEMY of the highest order, and we cannot allow that! But why would the fairer sex support this madness? I mean are they the creatures spoken about in the Handmaids Tale? Yes probably!

Concerned Women for America, an anti-choice and anti-LGBTQ-equality group committed to promoting its “biblical worldview” in public policy, has launched a Women for Kavanaugh campaign.

CWA President Penny Nance recorded the first episode of her new podcast, “Use Your Voice,” on the day President Trump was preparing to announce the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh. “We are at a tipping point in our nation’s history,” she said, adding later in the podcast, “This has generational consequences for our nation.”

CWA joined most other Religious Right groups in immediately announcing support for Kavanaugh, who, Nance said last week, “has shown through action, not just words, his choice to esteem women.” CWA has launched a $500,000 campaign called “Women for Kavanaugh,” which it describes as “rallying our happy warriors across the nation to use their voices in support of Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation.” According to the campaign, “The left’s hatred of Trump is blinding them to the simple record of this exceptional nominee.”

Like some other Religious Right leaders, Nance has been publicly downplaying the movement’s goal of overturning Roe v. Wade, saying that “we don’t go at this the way the left does.” She claims that the group is not calling for specific outcomes but simply looking for a justice committed to a “constitutionalist” judicial philosophy. CWA General Counsel Mario Diaz said on the group’s podcast, “This Supreme Court vacancy is not about Roe.”

I think even the GOOD LAWRD JAYSUS is trying to send us a message! They say that it isn’t about Roe and they just casually drop it in the conversation like a pharmaceutical drug advertisement glosses over the fact that their drugs might have fatal consequences. Seriously, they just gloss over death like it’s no big deal, much in the way these lunatics are trying to gloss over Roe like it’s no big deal. Is that right my fair congregation? Can I get an amen??? But just remember when it comes to protecting the Dark One, it’s a deep state conspiracy!!!!

When President Trump spoke to the press earlier this week in an attempt to mitigate the damage caused by the comments he made during his press conference with Vladimir Putin dismissing Russian interference in the 2016 election, the lights briefly went out, which is proof to End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles that the intelligence community was using “psychological warfare” to control the president.

As Trump insisted that he now accepts the intelligence community’s conclusion regarding Russian interference, Chief of Staff John Kelly reportedly accidentally turned the lights off for a few seconds, but Wiles believes that something far more nefarious was at work.

After his co-host Doc Burkhart said there is no such thing as a coincidence and so the room going dark was either a deliberate plan by Kelly or something “planned by God to send a message,” Wiles insisted that the incident was really a signal from the intelligence community to Trump that they will permanently turn his lights out f he doesn’t fall in line.

“It was a warning to President Trump,” Wiles said on his “TruNews” program last night. “The lights went out precisely as he uttered the words that he was ordered to say—’I support the U.S. intelligence community.’ They turned out the lights on him because that was psychological warfare, they were doing psy-ops on him—’We’re going to turn the lights out on you, Mr. Trump, permanently. We’re going to turn the lights out on you.’ I really believe that they used the moment to try to put the fear in him.”

By the way, give it up for our gospel choir! How great are they? So according to people who are in the cult of the Dark One, whose name I dare not speak, one minute they love him, the next they are told to be fearful of him! But when it comes to defending the highest court of the land, I hope this is the one thing you leave today’s sermon with when you are confronted with those that support the Dark One and his cult. This one, just I can’t even.

Religious Right radio host Janet Mefferd and former Family Research Council fellow Tim Dailey told American Family Radio listeners that the urban legends surrounding Bigfoot and UFO sightings are not only real but also part of a secret plot the devil is carrying out on Earth.

Mefferd hosted author and former Family Research Council fellow Tim Dailey on Friday to discuss, among other paranormal topics, what Mefferd called “the Bigfoot question.” Mefferd asked Dailey how Christians should interpret reported Bigfoot sightings and how it ties into a “paranormal conspiracy” allegedly orchestrated by Satan.

Dailey said it was telling that “many, many reliable observers” have reported spotting Bigfoot but yet there is a “virtual absence” of tangible proof that would convince the skeptical public that such claims were credible.

“It’s real. It’s a projection. It’s a demonic virtual reality, but it’s not nuts-and-bolts, in this case, flesh-and-blood creatures,” Dailey said.

Mefferd went on to ask Dailey why nobody ever takes a picture of Bigfoot “at noon,” when someone could take a well-lit photograph. Dailey said that the devil designs Bigfoot sightings to happen when it is too dark to take clear photographs.


There you have it folks!!! Bigfoot is a satanic demon!!!! And these people want control of the highest court in the land? Give me a break! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Trump Derangement Syndrome
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Kansas City, it’s time for a new edition of:

There’s a common logical fallacy that never really gets paid a lot of attention these days. And it’s fairly common in the era of Trump. It’s when you accuse the person you’re debating of having “______ derangement syndrome”. So we’re going to take a look at what causes Derangement Syndrome, and why you should be concerned about it when accusing your next debate opponent of it. See, DS is not a thing. It’s not defined in the DSM and it’s not considered a mental illness. Derangement Syndrome is a term that was coined by the late Charles Krauthammer in 2003 when he was accusing liberals then of having “Bush Derangement Syndrome” relating to the 2000 election. Cut to 2018, same shit, different year, and it’s really a case of “Beating A Dead Horse”. So let’s explain a bit further.

Earlier this week, President Donald Trump diagnosed his opponents with an illness.
"Some people HATE the fact that I got along well with President Putin of Russia," he tweeted. "They would rather go to war than see this. It's called Trump Derangement Syndrome!"

Worried you might have Trump Derangement Syndrome? Wondering where it came from? I'm here to help!
Let's start with what Trump Derangement Syndrome means.

Urban Dictionary offers up this handy definition: "Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) is a mental condition in which a person has been driven effectively insane due to their dislike of Donald Trump, to the point at which they will abandon all logic and reason."

Well you’re not wrong, sir. This is what is clearly happening. So it’s not really a mental condition at all, even though some would like for it to be. In fact CNN (*Trump voice* fake news!) even further defines TDS as having 3 distinct stages.

Justin Raimondo, the editorial director of Antiwar.com, wrote a piece in the Los Angeles Times in 2016 that broke TDS down into three distinct phases or stages:

1. "In the first stage of the disease, victims lose all sense of proportion. The president-elect's every tweet provokes a firestorm, as if 140 characters were all it took to change the world."
2. "The mid-level stages of TDS have a profound effect on the victim's vocabulary: Sufferers speak a distinctive language consisting solely of hyperbole."
3. "As TDS progresses, the afflicted lose the ability to distinguish fantasy from reality."

Again, you’re not wrong, Sir. But in an era where we have been miseducating people for 40 fucking years on what the president actually does, things might get lost in the conversation. Like the ability to distinguish fantasy from reality. And in the era of fake news, that’s all you need! But one thing you definitely don’t need is the guy who the disease is named after playing armchair doctor!

President Donald Trump and his supporters have a new buzz phrase to diagnose his critics: "Trump Derangement Syndrome."

The term is supposed to describe voters who are so angry and opposed to the U.S. president that they are incapable of seeing any good in what he does. "TDS" has popped up on Fox News in recent weeks and was cited by Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., in interviews this week before being used by the president himself on Twitter on Wednesday.

His tweet: "Some people HATE the fact that I got along well with President Putin of Russia. They would rather go to war than see this. It's called Trump Derangement Syndrome!"

It's the latest linguistics salvo by a president who fundamentally altered the definition of "fake news" and tries to discredit opponents of his administration by pointing to the most extreme critiques.

In the case of Russia, Trump's fiercest detractors, including former CIA Director John Brennan, this week went so far as to call Trump's actions "treasonous" after he doubted U.S. intelligence findings that Russia tried to sway the 2016 presidential election.

Yes, you’re wrong!!! Stop saying that! Not everybody has TDS. And if you do, there’s a laundry list of side effects. The cure of course is this show! And you can see our ad in Golf Digest magazine if you want more information. So what happens when you use this in an actual debate? Well let’s just ask Whoopi Goldberg!

“The View” co-host Whoopi Goldberg and Fox News host Jeanine Pirro got snarled in a yelling match on live television Thursday on an episode of “The View” after Pirro appeared to suggest Goldberg suffered from “Trump Derangement Syndrome.”

Pirro, a former judge and prosecutor who hosts “Justice with Judge Jeanine,” appeared as a guest on the daytime talk show in part to discuss her new book, “Liars, Leakers, and Liberals: The Case Against the Anti-Trump Conspiracy.” But the discussion about Pirro’s book soon went awry, illustrating why friends and families across the country on opposite sides of the political spectrum sometimes vow to have only Trump-free conversations.

Pirro, answering a question about President Trump’s commitment to conservative ideology, ticked off accomplishments for which she credited the president, such as lower unemployment among African Americans. Co-host Meghan McCain chimed in to make a statement about his popularity among Republicans, but just as she was finishing, Goldberg interjected, saying she had a question.

That’s when Pirro appeared to mutter something about people having “Trump Derangement Syndrome,” a term popular particularly on Fox News for Americans outspoken in their criticism of Trump.

OK now you’re wrong! You’re definitely wrong! I think I might be coming down with a case of TDS myself! But we still have a lot more show to do, damn it! But TDS affects everybody! Even Capitol Hill isn’t immune from this disease, and we need to find a cure!

Sen. Rand Paul said on Monday that the conversation around Russian interference in the 2016 US election and President Donald Trump's break with the intelligence community on the issue was misdirected and animated by anti-Trump animus.

"Any country that can spy does, and any country that can meddle in foreign elections does," the Kentucky Republican said on CNN's "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer."

He continued, "All countries are doing this, but we've elevated this to a higher degree, and we've made this all about the sour grapes of Hillary Clinton losing the election, and it's all about partisan politics now. This is truly the Trump derangement syndrome that motivates all of this."

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. So who is dumb this week? I want to start with this story out of where else but America’s most penis-shaped state of Florida. So here’s the thing guys if you get caught drinking and driving, perhaps this is not the best excuse to give when trying to get out of a ticket.

An inebriated motorist assured Florida police that he was not drinking while driving, but only swigging from a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon when his vehicle paused at stop signs and traffic signals, according to a police report.

Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, was arrested two weeks ago for driving his Mercury Grand Marquis while under the influence. The Vero Beach resident, now free on $1500 bond in advance of a July 31 arraignment, was nabbed after a driver called 911 to report that Stevens’s car repeatedly tapped her bumper while they were in a McDonald’s drive-thru lane.

When a sheriff’s deputy contacted Stevens, he reeked of alcohol, was slurring his words, and had ”red and glossy” eyes. On the Mercury’s passenger seat was a bottle of Jim Beam, from which Stevens admitted he had been drinking.

Asked if he was drinking in the auto, Stevens replied, “No.” He then explained he was enjoying the bourbon at “Stop signs.” The deputy further noted Stevens’s distinction when it came to drinking while driving: “He further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals.”

Next up – we’re also sticking with the great state of Florida here. I’m not sure what the bigger fail is – oh wait – yeah it’s definitely the tourist that managed to get stabbed by a guy with no arms! *cue horror music*

An armless Florida man has been charged with stabbing a Chicago tourist in Miami.

Miami police officials say 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw, a homeless man, held a pair of scissors with his feet and stabbed 22-year-old Cesar Coronado twice then fled the scene.

The incident happened just after midnight on Tuesday.

According to the incident report, Crenshaw said he was lying down when Coronado approached him and punched him in the head.

The Miami Herald reports a friend who was traveling with Coronado said they asked Crenshaw for directions when he suddenly jumped up and stabbed Coronado in his arm.

Read more: http://www.timeswv.com/cnhi_network/armless-florida-man-stabs-tourist-police-say/article_a97b2a9c-40c9-51f9-94bf-bc1f318eaeb3.html

Excuse me a minute… Next up we’re going to the great state of New Hampshire for this story. OK so here’s the thing – we are all about free love and judgement free zones. But here's a guy who took the "judgement free" policy of the Planet Fitness gym chain just a little too literally!

A Haverhill man who stripped naked and did yoga poses in a crowded Planet Fitness over the weekend learned the limits of the gym chain’s “judgement-free” philosophy.

Eric Stagno, 34, was arrested at the Planet Fitness in Plaistow, N.H., shortly after 1:30 p.m. on Sunday, according to police Captain Brett Morgan.

“When officers arrived, they found him there, completely nude: on his knees in a yoga-type position,” Morgan said. “He walked into the gym, stripped down at the door, then proceeded to walk back and forth a couple of times before settling in on the yoga mats.”

The gym was fairly crowded at the time, but Stagno kept to himself, Morgan said. He checked himself out in the mirror and made his way over to the yoga mats, seemingly unaware that those around him were perturbed.

Love that movie so much! And he really was streaking in a gymnasium! Next up – I don’t know if you’re familiar with the concept of “escape rooms” or not but this one guy in Vancouver, Washington definitely wasn’t.

A man who broke into a Washington state escape room this week called 911 because he couldn’t find a way out.

Early Sunday, police called NW Escape Experience owners Rob and Tamara Bertrand, telling them someone had broken into their business. Deputies said a man tried to break in through a back door of the escape room in Vancouver, Washington, which is located inside a strip mall.

When the man couldn't get through the back door, he used a key found in a lockbox to open the mall's electrical room, Tamara told USA TODAY. Another key gave him access to a suite that shared an unlocked door with NW Escape Experience. After pushing down storage lockers attempting to block the way, the man was inside.

The business houses three escape rooms, interactive experiences where participants must solve a series of riddles and puzzles to break free. Rooms are themed, including one known as The Kill Room splattered with fake blood. A steel autopsy table and skeleton sit in the center of the room, Tamara said.

Finally this week for People Are Dumb – movies. Specifically “The First Purge”. You know – those charming flicks about what would happen if all crime were legal for 24 hours a day for one year, well, don’t take them for real life inspiration!

A Texas man is facing charges after he allegedly stabbed another man at a movie theater.

Police said it all started when Bryan Morrison went to see ‘The First Purge’ at the Cinemark in Sherman, Texas on Friday.

“It’s ironic the stabbing occurred given the nature of the film,” said Sgt. Brett Mullen, with the Sherman Police Department.

Investigators say Morrison wouldn’t sit in his reserved seat, and moved seat-to-seat throughout the theater.

That’s it this week for People Are Dumb!

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 6: The Food & Drug Administration
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It’s time for episode 6 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The FDA[/font]

So last week we explored the US Department Of Agriculture, a cabinet level position that oversees America’s farming operations and domestic food production. So why do we need the FDA, you might ask? Well sir/madam I answer you. If you saw our investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” this week you know about the cereal recall of Honey Smacks. Well guess what? That ties right into what we’re going to talk about this week! So there’s a couple of ways the FDA works and they can both be good and bad. For instance you might have seen something called “the Impossible Burger” popping up at your favorite burger and beer establishment lately.

The Food and Drug Administration has approved the key ingredient in the vegetarian-friendly Impossible Burger. It's a big win for Silicon Valley-based Impossible Foods as it expands its distribution.

The ingredient, soy leghemoglobin, releases a protein called heme that gives the meat substitute its distinctive blood-like color and taste. Just as the Impossible Burger was gaining in popularity and reach, The New York Times published a report last year revealing that the FDA was concerned that the soy-based ingredient had never been consumed by humans.

In a letter to Impossible Foods released Monday, the FDA deemed soy leghemoglobin GRAS, or generally recognized as safe, in its most recent review.

“Getting a no-questions letter goes above and beyond our strict compliance to all federal food-safety regulations,” Impossible Foods founder and CEO Patrick O. Brown said in a statement. “We have prioritized safety and transparency from day one, and they will always be core elements of our company culture.”

Only thrice the fat of normal hot dogs! But what else does the FDA do? Well it’s all well and good about food, but what about the drugs part? It’s in their name after all.

As part of its ongoing implementation of the Drug Quality and Security Act and to advance the goals of its 2018 Compounding Policy Priorities Plan, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration is announcing several actions to protect public health related to the compounding of human drug products.

“We continue to implement the compounding provisions of federal law and advance a modern framework for the development of compounded drugs,” said FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb, M.D. “Our actions underscore our focus on protecting patients while making sure we have an enduring framework for better compounding that is well informed by input from the clinical community. Our aim is to be responsive to the medical needs of patients who require compounded medicines, while making sure that these products are compounded under appropriate standards. We recognize that there continues to be great interest in our work in this important policy area and we’re committed to providing updates as we take a continuing series of actions to implement the comprehensive plan that we outlined earlier this year.”

Today, the FDA is issuing an alert warning about a bulk drug substance (active pharmaceutical ingredient) used in compounding that carries significant safety risks for patients. The FDA is also taking steps regarding its approach to bulk drug substances that are used to make compounded drugs.

Yeah so I wonder how the FDA feels about mind bending experimental hallucinogenic peppers crafted by Guatemalan mental patients? That is a good question! Well how about some much better drugs?

A new drug to treat malaria could help millions.

The Food and Drug Administration has approved the drug Krintafel (tafenoquine) for the treatment of malaria following a Priority Review this past Friday.

The drug, developed by GSK Pharmaceuticals and Medicines for Malaria Venture, is a single dose medication designed for people who've had malaria before. It prevents the relapse of malaria caused by Plasmodium vivax (P.vivax).

P.vivax is one of several parasites in the Plasmodium family known to cause malaria. It accounts for infection with malaria in 15-20% of the cases around the world; that's roughly 8.5 million infections per year.

Unlike its cousin Plasmodium falciparum, which is responsible for approximately 75% of the cases, following the initial infection in the blood, P. vivax can go into a dormant stage in the liver, where most anti-malaria medications cannot reach it.

Yeah so there is always that! Now what happens when the FDA doesn’t approve of a drug, what happens there? Well let’s just say that much like the IRS, if you’re in the food and / or drug industry, this is one organization whose bad side you don’t want to be on!

The nicotine levels of traditional cigarettes are in the spotlight as the Food and Drug Administration prepares to decide whether to further tighten regulations on the products.

The FDA has said it will pursue any nicotine product standard “using the best available science to determine a level that is appropriate for the protection of the public health.”

The FDA is considering levels as low as 0.3 to 0.5 milligram of nicotine per gram — which would reduce the nicotine yield by up to 97 percent.

A public comment period ended July 16, with the FDA receiving 7,728 submissions on its advanced notice on proposed rulemaking. It is not clear when the next FDA step will occur.

Among those making comments were affiliates of the Big Three tobacco manufacturers: Altria Client Services, RAI Services Co. and ITG Brands LLC.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: B
How Things Are Going: B
Likely hood To Survive: C

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to take a look at how the governing body of our electoral system is handled as we take a look at the FEC!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]AWOLNATIONl[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an awesome band from Los Angeles. They have a great new album out called “Here Come The Runts” and you can see them at the Red Sun Festival in Redding, CA September29th and the Voodoo Music & Arts Festival in New Orleans on October 26th – 29th. Playing their song called “Passion”, give it up for AWOLNATION!

Kansas City, this was fun! Can’t wait to come back! We are off to St. Louis next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Alamo Drafthouse, Kansas City, KS
Special Thanks To: Alamo Drafthouse Management
Top 10 Gospel Choir: Our Church Of The Nazarene Choir, Shawnee, KS
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
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AWOLNTION appear courtesy of: Red Bull Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jul 25, 2018, 05:00 PM (0 replies)

Preview For This Week's Top 10 Conservative Idiots

Earlier this month, Kanye West tweeted an image of a Chicago Bulls jersey signed by Dennis Rodman with the caption, “One of my biggest inspirations… always breaking barriers with independent thought.”

Now, in a new interview, Rodman thanked the rapper and said that he planned to invite West to North Korea, where the former NBA star has struck up an unlikely friendship with the hermit state’s dictator, Kim Jong-un. “Kanye, he’s doing amazing work around the world so I respect him too,” Rodman told Us Weekly. “So hopefully one day we’ll get together and collaborate on certain things. Guess what, I’ll take Kanye West to North Korea with me.”

Rodman continued, suggesting the rapper might be inspired to record an album by the experience. “Matter of fact, I’m going to invite him next time I go to North Korea. If the door’s open in September, I will invite Kanye West with me to go to North Korea with me… If he wants to make an album about that, he’ll be there for like six to seven days, and he’ll see what’s going on. Now, go make a song about this. So here you go.”

I'm not sure if I should be thrilled that Dennis and Kanye are having a bromance, or if I can't wait for the movie Dennis & Kanye Go To Pyongyang Palace?

*audience laughs and applauds*

This week the Top 10 is live from Kansas City! Trump wants to bring Putin to the White House, Dennis Rodman wants to bring Kanye to North Korea, the Oath Keepers want to bring the heat to Maxine Waters' office, we ask how the National Enquirer is still a thing, Beating A Dead Horse discusses Trump Derangement Syndrome, and we have some more Profiles In #Civility. Plus in our weekly investigative piece Top 10 investigates, we're going to food poisoning, and specifically death by breakfast cereal! And our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is going to look at how the religious right is going to erode your rights - and probably die trying! And some more People Are Dumb, because people are dumb. And the next installment of Deep State Diaries is going to take a look at how our food is approved by looking at the FDA! Plus we've got some live music for you from AWOLNATION!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Wednesdays at 2:00 PM (we promise this time!) /shameless self promotion
Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Sun Jul 22, 2018, 02:35 AM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-5: Diary Of A Wimpy Trump: Nyet Rules! Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-5: Diary Of A Wimpy Trump: Nyet Rules! Edition

Ed. Note - due to a scheduling conflict at our host venue, the Top 10 will be early tonight! Enjoy!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up New Orleans? Man we had a great time in Austin but now we are continuing this show on the road. We’re hanging out here at the lovely Café Istanbul. Man I love New Orleans food, and you guys are drunk too! For those of you at home there’s a lot of drinking going on in NOLA! You got French food, you got Cajun food, you got creole food, you got fried chicken, you got Po’Boys, and it’s really a crazy mix. Not to mention the beer, wine, and booze flow pretty freely here! Seriously I am going to get fat by the end of this trip. Well, OK… fatter, because the food here in NOLA is so damn good! Do we have time for the thing? OK so we got to talk about Blake Shelton for a minute. I love this story. So Blake was doing a show at a festival in Oregon, and he admitted that he had quite a bit to drink before the show, after all, it was Pendleton Music Whisky Festival in Oregon, so I can imagine that was flowing pretty freely backstage. But rather than apologize, Shelton actually asked fans for video of it! To which of course the social media gods provided in droves, and the even funnier thing is that Shelton blamed it on Pitbull as a joke, because why wouldn’t you? And then someone tweeted at Blake “Oh so that’s the kind of show you put on? For people who spend their hard earned dollars for you to show up drunk?” to which Blake responded “Oh sorry ma’am, this account is for people with a sense of humor! No cry baby tweets! Try again tomorrow!”. Ah, that was the best part. Got to love it when stars have a sense of humor about themselves! OK enough of the intro. We got a lot of idiocy to cover this week. But first I got to play this clip from Jim Jefferies where he destroys the now former head of the EPA, Scott Pruitt:

There is so much idiocy to cover this week, where do we start? How about we start in the first slot with recapping the insane interview that was the Congressional hearings of Peter Strzok (1). Holy crap that was insane. In the second slot this week is Donald Trump (2) and we’re going to recap his visit to the UK because it is quite frankly one of the most insane things ever, and the amount of protestors there was about 3 Trump inaugurations. In the third slot this week is also Donald Trump, and once again, the trouble making kid gets sent to the principal’s office for a third time in another episode of Diary Of A Wimpy Trump: Nyet Rules! (3). In the fourth slot this week we have some more “Profiles In #Civility” to tell you about which includes a lot of racism and Trump supporters being, well, Trump supporters. In the fifth slot this week is our weekly arm chair investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re going to tackle the tricky subject of Micro Cheating (5) – are you guilty of it? Spoiler alert! Probably! And in the sixth seed is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to tell you some of the more batshit crazy reactions to the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh coming from the Christian right. At number 7 is the CEO of Papa John’s Pizza, John Schnatter (7) and we’re going to ask: “Papa John’s Pizza: How Is This Still A Thing?”. In the 8th slot this week is the Alt Right (8) and we’ve got a lot of news to cover including the Proud Boys attracting an unruly crowd in Los Angeles, while Alex Jones is the go to guy on internet censorship. Yes, really. And in the number 9 (NEIN!) slot this week we have a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and this week we’re going to get drunk and discuss the end of Blockbuster Video. No, for real this time! Finally this week we’ve got a new edition of Deep State Diaries and this week we’re going to show you the inner workings of the food industry by exploring the US Department Of Agriculture (USDA) and we’re here to tell you this list is USDA certified fresh! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from San Diego’s Slightly Stoopid! They have a great new album called “Everyday Life Everyday People” that you should really check out. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Peter Strzok Hearing
[br] [/font]

OK so we need to do some flashbacks here for a minute. You know that thing they do in movies that catches the audience up to speed on what was previously going on with the characters. So remember back during the 2016 election when FBI agent Peter Strzok sent text messages proclaiming that Trump was going down in the November general election? Well that didn’t happen. Now this week, our right wing Congress, in its’ infinite wisdom, decided to investigate these texts last week. Because you know, there’s nothing else pressing at the moment.

Last week, FBI agent Peter Strzok sat before two House committees for 10 contentious hours as Republican lawmakers accused him of partisan bias in his work in the FBI. Observers of all political stripes — Republican, Democrat, neither — derided the hearings as a “made-for-TV spectacle” rather than a serious congressional inquiry. Even Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.), the chairman of the House Oversight Committee — well known for conducting long-running hearings into the 2012 attack on a U.S. compound in Benghazi — lamented on “Face the Nation” that the hearings are a “circus” and a “freak show.”

And yet sensationalist congressional hearings are on the rise. Why?

The answer, in part, is that control of Congress shifts back and forth much more frequently than in the past — and so parties now focus on party branding and messaging as much as on lawmaking. As a result, committees spend a rising share of taxpayer funds on communications staffers at the expense of fewer aides with policy or investigatory responsibilities. No surprise, then, that recent investigations seem more like the circus than genuine policy or oversight work.

Yup – Congress is fast becoming a literal 3 ring circus. Can’t wait for the lions, tigers, bears, and bearded lady to show up! But this entire thing was easily a category 5 shit storm. Could easily venture into category 6, where you will see thunder and lightning accompany said shit! But of course you know he had to weigh in!
On the verge of his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin, US President Donald Trump railed against the Russia investigation and embattled FBI agent Peter Strzok, calling the agent "a disgrace to our country" and saying the probe "hurts our relationship with Russia."
Asked about the tone he expects at his upcoming summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin, Trump shifted topics, saying in a CBS News interview excerpt that "we're greatly hampered by this whole witch hunt that's going in the United States."
Trump also said he watched Strzok's House testimony last week. The President said Strzok, who had sent texts critical of Trump, was "a disgrace to our country" and "a disgrace to the FBI."
"I thought (Strzok's testimony) was an absolute disgrace. Where he wants to do things against me before I was even, I guess before I was even the candidate. It was a disgrace," Trump said during the interview at his resort in Turnberry, Scotland. "And then he lied about it. And you know, talking about shutting it down and 'we, we.' And he says, 'Oh, I meant the American people' all of a sudden, you know, he came up with excuses, I guess, given to a lawyer, but everybody laughed at it."

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. So the guy who sent a couple of text messages is a disgrace? This fucking president has been a national disgrace!!! Thank you, New Orleans! But we’re still not done with this story. This whole administration so far has been like peeling an onion – each layer reveals something new, and when it does, it stinks, and you’re more likely to cry as a result.

Embattled FBI agent Peter Strzok told lawmakers Wednesday in a marathon, closed-door interview that the anti-Trump text messages he exchanged with an FBI lawyer were part of an "intimate" conversation and he did not intend to act on any of the missives, according to Democrats in the meeting.
But Republicans argued that Strzok's claims about the messages after the fact were simply not credible, and one lawmaker claimed to have learned new information from his interview Tuesday with the House Oversight and Judiciary Committees.
Strzok's interview -- which stretched more than 11 hours and included unclassified and classified sessions -- was just the latest instance where Republicans and Democrats came away with dueling assessments over the FBI's actions during the 2016 election.
Wednesday's interview was the first chance for Congress to grill the FBI agent at the center of the controversy over the FBI's handling of its investigations into Hillary Clinton and Russia.

You know what guys, who hurt you? I don’t think that question has been asked enough about this administration. Who hurt them? I could talk about this hearing all day but I will tell you my favorite part of this whole thing. So according to New York representative Hakeem Jeffries, well.. .

Rep. Jefferies Blasts ‘Kangaroo Court’ Strzok Hearing: Not Worthy of an Ace Ventura Investigation (Mediaite)

Adding to mounting backlash from some lawmakers against criticism of Peter Strzok, Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY 8th District) railed against Thursday’s hearing about the former FBI agent’s work, saying it wasn’t even worth the an investigation by fictional pet detective Ace Ventura.

“This investigation is a joke. It’s a fraud,” Jeffries said. “This hearing is a kangaroo court. It is a three-ring circus. It is not even meritorious of an investigation by Ace Ventura pet detective, let alone 75 members of the United States Congress.”

Jeffries contended the hearing was nothing but a distraction tactic to divert attention from Special Counsel Robert Mueller‘s investigation into President Donald Trump‘s campaign, and possible collusion with Russia during the 2016 election.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Well, Trump didn’t save the noble queen. Instead, he snubbed her. Of course unless you’re living under a rock, you know last week that Trump went to England, and turned Picadilly Circus into an actual circus, because that’s what he does everywhere he goes. In fact the Top 10 is going to London on December 12th at the 99 Club, Leicester Square. Just thought I’d plug that for ya. But getting back on topic, we got to talk about what happened when Trump met the Queen.

No one decent wants to watch a trapped animal endless in agony. So it was a relief this morning to find the prime minister relishing the sort of mischievous delight to which she’s been a stranger since she ran through a field of wheat.

If only for a couple of seconds, the pulverising stresses of her situation melted away as she revealed to Andrew Marr that Donald Trump’s advice, in the vexatious matter of Brexit, was to sue the EU.

For all its mesmerisingly imbecility, we probably should have guessed. Litigation has been such a reflex response to the thwarting of his will for so long that his unofficial signature tune is Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue”.

And on that bombshell, the comic portion of Trump’s diplomatic tour ended. In a few frantic days, he insulted May about Brexit, pushed Boris Johnson’s outlandish claim to replace her; insulted the leaders of Nato states about low defence spending; praised the Queen as beautiful “inside and out” during an outpouring of gibberish to Piers Morgan; claimed that many protesters gathered at his golf course were protesting for him ... and far too much more to be catalogued in such a limited space.

Right. I swear even the best sitcom writers on the planet couldn’t make up a character as crazy as Donald J. Trump is. He literally does the wrong answer for everything. You could ask him “where do babies come from?”. He’d answer “pancakes?”. You could ask him what color the sky is. He’d answer “Yellow?”. But the thing is you know what Britons really saw? They didn’t see the President Of The United States. They saw an infomercial.

GLASGOW — On Monday, President Trump will have a closely watched meeting with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia, just days after the announcement that 12 Russian military intelligence officers had been indicted on charges of hacking Democratic organizations in an effort to affect the 2016 election.

But first, a bit of golf.

Mr. Trump was shielded from members of the American news media who traveled with him here to Trump Turnberry, the luxury Scottish resort where he is staying — but not from British journalists who captured protesters on a nearby beach shouting, “No Trump, no K.K.K., no racist U.S.A.” as he teed off on Saturday.

The group chanted across windswept grasslands and a protective buffer of dozens of law enforcement officials, some of them on horseback. According to footage captured by the BBC, the president appeared to wave at the crowd before turning back to his golf game.

But wait! There’s more! Did you see that previous article that Trump took a golf cart out on one of the world’s oldest and most traditional golf courses? Seriously, that guy is such a fat lazy fuck that he couldn’t even walk that golf course. But the sad thing is if you’re American and you plan on visiting the UK or living there any time soon, Trump just fucked things up.

President Donald Trump's catastrophic visit to Britain began with a political scandal of his own creation. In an interview with the Sun, a British tabloid, the US president slammed the British prime minister, Theresa May, and supported her rival. He criticised her conduct of Brexit, the most contentious issue in British politics, and used inflammatory language about immigration, the second-most-contentious issue in British politics.

The story appeared just as Ms May was hosting a black-tie dinner for him at Blenheim Palace. Mr Trump then took it all back, dismissing the journalists who had accurately reported his words as "fake news" and offering some flabby support for Ms May. In response, the Sun published the full audio recording of the interview online - and loudly supported its original story with the front-page headline "FAKE SCHMOOZE."

The interview seemed like a diplomatic fumble. But it was not. All of the views Mr Trump expressed were in fact consistent with the previous actions of his administration. John Bolton, Mr Trump's national security adviser, has recently met with pro-Brexit members of Parliament - in effect, a party within the Conservative Party - to ask how he could help their cause. Behind the scenes, Mr Trump's team has lobbied Britain on behalf of Tommy Robinson, a violent white nationalist and co-founder of the fringe English Defence League, who is now in prison.

Thank you Susie. My sentiments exactly! I mean even the Royals are pissed at Trump. William and Harry didn’t even come to Trump’s visit at the Palace. I mean really remember when we used to have a president that was loved and respected around the world? I miss those times!

Prince Charles and Prince William refused to meet Donald Trump during his four-day visit to Britain, according to reports.

The royals, who are first and second in line to the throne, declined to take part in the trip and left the Queen to meet the US President alone, it is claimed.

Instead, the Prince of Wales, 69, attended a board meeting at Highgrove and an event with Gloucestershire Police while the Duke of Cambridge, 36, played in a charity polo match.

“This business of Prince Charles and Prince William not being there for the Trump visit was a snub,” an insider told the Sunday Times.

“They simply refused to attend. It’s a very, very unusual thing for the Queen to be there on her own.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

So Trump’s trip to England was a swing and a miss. But now we go to Helsinki where Trump takes the shit storm with him to meet the real president of the United States – Vladimir Putin! Yes, which means once again we have an episode of Diary Of A Wimpy Trump. Thank you graphics department! Seriously every time Trump meets with Putin I feel like he’s the trouble making kid who repeatedly gets sent to the principal’s office. Trump’s got some ‘splainin to do!

US President Donald Trump, in a stunning rebuke of the US intelligence community, declined on Monday to endorse the US government's assessment that Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election, saying he doesn't "see any reason why" Russia would be responsible.
Instead, Trump -- standing alongside Russian President Vladimir Putin -- touted Putin's vigorous denial and pivoted to complaining about the Democratic National Committee's server and missing emails from Hillary Clinton's personal account.

"I have great confidence in my intelligence people, but I will tell you that President Putin was extremely strong and powerful in his denial today," Trump said during a joint news conference after he spent about two hours in a room alone with Putin, save for a pair of interpreters.
Trump's statements amounted to an unprecedented refusal by a US president to believe his own intelligence agencies over the word of a foreign adversary and drew swift condemnation from across the partisan divide.


Oh… oh! Trump’s got some ‘splainin to do! I mean while he bemoans NFL players for disrespecting the flag, Trump took a giant shit on it! And I mean come on, given his diet, that shit will definitely stink up the joint! Thank you, New Orleans! Ah, I’ll drink to that! But you know who won? It aint Trump, that’s for sure!

Russia may have already won the first point in the historic summit between US President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin — before the two leaders even shook hands.

About four hours before the meeting in Helsinki was set to begin on Monday, Trump tweeted that “Our relationship with Russia has NEVER been worse thanks to many years of U.S. foolishness and stupidity and now, the Rigged Witch Hunt!” — referring to special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into possible Trump campaign collusion during the 2016 presidential election.

The main point of his message was clear: America is to blame for bad Washington-Moscow relations, not the Kremlin. And 40 minutes before the meeting, Russia’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs responded to Trump’s tweet with two words: “We agree.”

That’s stunning. Trump and Russia are now — very publicly — on the same page about why they believe ties between the two countries are so poor. That could serve as a huge propaganda win for Russia, which has spent decades bashing the US for Moscow’s economic and political problems.

That graphic always kills me by the way! So Trump not only swang and missed hard, he also admitted that yeah, he might have committed some light treason. Or maybe it’s some full on, full bore complete treason!

Following a day of discussions between Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin in Helsinki, Finland, Mr. Trump left Monday's summit neglecting to hold Putin accountable for Russia's role in interfering in the 2016 presidential election -- saving most of his criticism for America itself.

"I hold both countries responsible. I think that the United States has been foolish. I think that we've all been foolish. We should have had this dialogue a long time ago, a long time, frankly, before I got to office," Mr. Trump said during a joint press conference with Putin.

Offered multiple chances to denounce Russia's actions, Mr. Trump instead placed blame on the FBI and said that he had "confidence" in both parties -- the intelligence community and Russia.

"All I can do is ask the question - my people came to me, Dan Coats came to me and some others, they said they think it's Russia. I have President Putin he just said it's not Russia. I will say this, I don't see any reason why it would be but I really want to see the server but, I have confidence in both parties," Mr. Trump said.


You know this whole meeting is like as if Trump is the unruly middle school student who constantly gets sent to the principal’s office. So this is like those movies Diary Of A Wimpy Kid, and this is Diary Of A Wimpy Trump. For the sake of subtitling, let’s call it “Diary Of A Wimpy Trump: Nyet Rules!”. Thank you graphics department! So what’s it going to take to charge Trump with treason, guys? Or are you all in on it?

Shortly afterwards, Brennan appeared on MSNBC to demand that Trump officials resign in protest. Brennan has long been a vocal opponent of Trump, and has been one of the loudest voices supporting the unproven theory that the Trump campaign colluded with Russia in the run-up to the 2016 election.

Trump has accused Brennan of knowingly using a dossier of salacious and false allegations against him (Trump) to jump-start Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s ongoing and fruitless ‘Russiagate’ probe. Trump said that Brennan “disgraced himself...and the entire Intelligence Community” in doing so.

At the conference, Trump and Putin both emphatically denied accusations of collusion in the runup to the 2016 election, with Trump saying he “beat Hillary Clinton easily” without Russian help, and Putin calling the claims “nonsense” and challenging the press to show “a single fact that would prove” any collusion occurred.

Trump said that he “brought up” allegations of election-meddling with Putin, and said that Putin “may well want to address it,” but did not elaborate further on the subject.

This is insane. Trump can never claim anyone is disrespecting the flag or our country ever again if he took a giant dump on it. I mean even George Bluth is going “hey! I’m off the hook now!”. But you got to know that Russia are not our friends!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and several other Kentucky representatives said they agree that Russia interfered in the 2016 presidential election, breaking with Donald Trump's comments after his friendly meeting with Vladimir Putin.

“As I’ve said repeatedly, the Russians are not our friends and I entirely agree with the assessment of our intelligence community," McConnell said in a statement to the Courier Journal on Monday.

Trump received immediate backlash from politicians on both sides of the aisle when he met with Russian President Putin. During the meeting, he accepted Putin's claim that the Russians did not interfere, contradicting the U.S. intelligence community's research.

"The role of the Intelligence Community is to provide the best information and fact-based assessments possible for the President and policymakers," Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats said in a statement to USA TODAY. "We have been clear in our assessments of Russian meddling in the 2016 election and their ongoing, pervasive efforts to undermine our democracy, and we will continue to provide unvarnished and objective intelligence in support of our national security."

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[font size="8"]Profiles In Civility
[br] [/font]

Folks, last week we debuted a new segment in which we touched on the fact that despite calls for something called “civility” – something unheard of in this day and age of Trump, there are a lot of these kinds of stories that have been coming out lately. Which is mainly white people calling the cops on black people. But this week there’s just one Profile In #Civility that I want to expand on – someone famous got the cops called on them for doing the very thing they’ve done 100 times before. Yup, that’s right, we have to talk about it!

Adult film star Stormy Daniels, who is involved in an ongoing legal dispute with President Donald Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen, was arrested early Thursday morning at a strip club in Columbus, Ohio, according to her lawyer, Michael Avenatti. Police say Daniels touched patrons while performing onstage, which is a violation of Ohio state law. She was charged on three misdemeanor counts.

Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, posted a $6,054 bail on Thursday and was scheduled to be arraigned on Friday morning, July 13, according to court records. The charges against Daniels were subsequently dropped Thursday afternoon, according to Avenatti.

Police said undercover cops witnessed Daniels violating Ohio’s Community Defense Act. The law says that nude employees cannot touch or be touched by patrons other than family members while on the premise of a “sexually oriented” establishment where they appear on regular basis. The Columbus Dispatch found that the law is rarely enforced.

Avenatti believes that Daniels’s arrest was a part of an elaborate “sting operation.” Daniels is suing Trump for defamation following comments he made after revelations of an alleged affair between the two went public.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So the question is – was this a political setup or not? That’s where the #Civility question comes into play. I mean come on if you go to a strip club and you don’t get motorboated, you fail at life! At least make it rain, man! Not rainman, sir! And you are at a strip club called “Sirens” you know there’s got to be cops that hang out there on a daily basis!

Ohio prosecutors dropped charges against Stormy Daniels on Thursday — hours after she was cuffed for allegedly violating an arcane state law by “smacking” an undercover cop’s face “with her bare breasts” during a performance, authorities said.

The 39-year-old porn star — who is suing President Trump in a case involving an alleged tryst — was arrested while performing at the Sirens strip club in Columbus on Wednesday night.

Less than 10 hours later, Daniels’ attorney, Michael Avenatti, tweeted the charges had been tossed “in their entirety.”

Prosecutor Joseph Gibson confirmed to the Daily News he had granted Avenatti’s motion to dismiss the charges, which were filed under Ohio’s little-enforced Community Defense Act.

Avenatti previously said his client, who was paid $130,000 by Trump’s ex-fixer Michael Cohen to keep mum about allegedly sleeping with the President in 2006, was arrested while “performing the same act she has performed across the nation at nearly a hundred strip clubs.”

Yeah… excuse me a minute… it was kind of like that! I mean really you bought the ticket, you attended the show, what did you expect was going to happen at a strip club? I mean I’ve been to a few of these in my life, I knew what to expect. But here’s where it gets weird.

Politics did not play a role in the arrest of porn actress Stormy Daniels, according to the head of the police union in Ohio’s capital city where Daniels was briefly charged with interacting too closely with patrons who turned out to be undercover police officers.

Officers applied an illegal sexual contact law indiscriminately at Sirens night club during a performance, arresting two other women in addition to Daniels, said Jason Pappas, head of the FOP Capital City Lodge #9.

“The suggestion that this is politically motivated is absolutely untrue,” Pappas said Friday.

Prosecutors on Thursday dropped charges against the porn star hours after she was accused of illegally rubbing undercover police officers’ faces against her bare breasts during her performance.

Because of course they didn’t! But they did, or did they? I mean this is the Trump administration we’re talking about here. You know somewhere there’s a kid asking their parents right now “Mommy what’s a golden shower?” or “what does grab them by the pussy mean?”. So much better than her e-mails. Back on topic this might be the strangest thing about the arrest is that it is paying attention to all the strange laws the stripping and exotic dancing community has to follow.

The recent arrest of Stormy Daniels during a performance at the Sirens gentlemen’s club in Columbus, Ohio, started with a dropped bikini top and ended with dropped charges. Undercover city detectives — some female — took it upon themselves to come to the club where Daniels was performing, tip her and a few other dancers, then arrest the women for violating local statutes that forbid contact between strip club dancers and patrons. Daniels, specifically, was cited for some brief fondling as well as drawing the detectives’ face between her breasts and shaking them. Yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like: motorboating as legally actionable offense.

In many strip clubs around the country, it’s commonplace for a dancer to offer a customer a quick hug, squeeze or cleavage snuzzle as a thank-you for a tip. (I’m so tempted to make a tit-for-tat pun right now. Stripper Jesus, stay my hand.) Whether it’s considered legal or not varies from municipality to municipality. Arbitrariness is the lay of the land. When it comes to strip club regulations, ’twas ever thus.

Upon news of Daniels’ arrest, former exotic dancer and headmistress of the New York School of Burlesque, Jo Weldon, started some rollicking threads on Twitter and Instagram inviting exotic dancers, past and present, to share the most ridiculous regulations they’ve encountered in their work.

Now all the stupidity of this arrest and the absurdity of #Civility, it’s not going to stop Stormy from performing her act, even in Ohio where the arrest took place! I mean you can’t keep a good stripper down!

Stormy Daniels, who has made headlines for her alleged affair with President Donald Trump, was arrested Wednesday night after allowing patrons of a gentleman's club touch her.

Daniels is still expected to appear at a Wayne gentleman's club in August.

Michael Avenatti, Daniel's attorney claimed the arrest in Columbus, Ohio was "politically motivated" and "reeks of desperation."

"She was arrested for allegedly allowing a customer to touch her while on stage," Avenatti later tweeted, adding: "They are devoting law enforcement resources to sting operations for this? There has to be higher priorities."

Daniels' Thursday night performance will go on as schedules despite her arrest.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Micro Cheating
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

If you’re in a relationship, whether it’s a short term relationship or a long term relationship, or you’re married or single, you probably don’t think about the number of ways that relationship could end. But as it turns out, it could end way faster than you would think. Because as new science and research has pointed out, there’s plenty of possible ways a relationship could end. This is the new concept and phenomenon known as “micro cheating”. Here’s how this is defined.

Have you heard about the latest trendy term that's sparking quite an uproar on the Internet? It is yet another form of cheating we should all be informed about, no matter your relationship status. And while the last thing I want to be is the bearer of bad news, I encourage you to keep reading so you, too, can be well-versed on the ins and outs of micro-cheating.

So what exactly is micro-cheating?

Australian psychologist and consultant Melanie Schilling recently defined micro-cheating as "a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship."

According to Schilling, this form of infidelity essentially stems from secrecy and deception. It ultimately comes down to trivial behaviors that might indicate your partner is no longer totally committed to your relationship.

Or, as Urban Dictionary defined this term back in 2008: "when someone cheats on a partner, but just a little bit."

But is it creeping? Is it cheating? Or is it a combination of the above? Most likely it is a combination of all of the above. But you could be cheating and not know it. In fact there’s a whole list of warning signs of the possibility of micro cheating. Apparently you could be guilty of it and not know it.

It's called "micro-cheating": the small, seemingly innocuous acts of flirtation that don't necessary qualify as cheating but might be considered a little sketchy by your partner.

Many of us have experienced flirtatious relationships with friends and never acted on them sexually. Are these friendships signs of infidelity? Should you be worried if your significant other is attracted to someone else? Or could a little harmless flirtation actually be good for your relationship?

Flirtation is normal, sex therapist Tammy Nelson said. "Why shut down your natural feelings of attraction for someone just because you are in a monogamous relationship with someone else?" she asked. "You might be married, but you're not dead."

A flirty friendship could help feed the flames of your relationship, but it depends on the couple. "In some cases, flirting outside the relationship enhances the primary relationship, and in other cases, it siphons energy from the primary relationship," marriage and family therapist Nicolle Zapien explained. The key is to know your partner and to communicate about the friendship before it becomes a problem in your relationship.

This is where you might start to actually question whether or not this is a thing. Seriously, if you think about it – James Bond is a notorious micro cheater. Especially on Moneypenny. But how do you know, would you believe there are warning signs? Why yes there are warning signs!

We spend a lot of time with our colleagues. In fact, we probably spend more time with the people we work with than almost anyone else. Since you're likely also surrounded by people you have things in common with, it's not all that surprising that people fall in love at work.

Proximity is a funny thing. Research has found it takes around 200 hours for people to become close friends, because the more time you spend with someone, the more chance their positive and attractive qualities shine through. This is fine for people who are single, but if you're in a monogamous relationship and you start having feelings for someone at work, things can get messy.

In some cases, a work spouse relationship is born, where you share the trials and tribulations of the workplace with each other, have lunch together, and emotionally depend on one another. In other cases, the people involved may not have put strong boundaries in place, and they can start to behave inappropriately.

Monogamy is hard, according to Tammy Nelson, a consultant sex therapist for adult infidelity dating site Ashley Madison.

Yes, monogamy is hard, although somehow we think Ashley Madison may not be the best person to ask on this subject. That would be like asking Trump about his love of fine dining. So apparently you can subtly cheat on your partner without knowing it. Even cheating on social media is still cheating.

Cheating: it's nothing new. It's the subject of some of the most popular books, TV shows and movies in America. Media typically depicts cheating as physical affairs, but WSFA recently spoke with a relationship expert about a different kind of beast.

"Micro-cheating" is on the rise, and it's a term for a series of seemingly small actions partners can do that could have whispers of infidelity— without even being physically unfaithful. This can include flirtatiously texting or messaging another person on social media. Thanks to online dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, it’s easier to connect with others, including people in committed relationships.

Reporter Rosanna Smith talked to Montgomery counselor Sandra Segall about the dangers of micro-cheating for couples, and the signs they should look for to know their significant other is being unfaithful, but we decided to dive deeper. We wanted to know what the third party, the person being cheated with, should do in the situation.

The obvious answer is, of course, to not get involved with someone in a committed relationship, and Segall, a licensed professional counselor, said as much, advising the person to find out if the person they are talking to is in a relationship before messaging them flirtatiously or dating them. According to the Associated Press and the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 22 percent of men say that they've cheated on their significant other at least once during their marriage, and 14 percent of wives admit to it.

So apparently James Bond cheats all the time. In fact Bond cheats so much his cheats have their own cheats. It’s cheating inception. But apparently even the so-called “experts” think this is 100% grade A bullshit:

Staying up to snuff on all of the newest dating trends and terminology can be super tricky, especially when it comes to certain gray areas that can be particularly hard to universally define, like micro-cheating. Upon first hearing the phrase used, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Even after one of my friends broke it down for me, I still found myself wondering, what is micro-cheating actually? And if it is what I think it is, is it really a legitimate form of infidelity? Well, the short answer is, it totally depends.

"Micro-cheating is inappropriate sexual flirtation via social media from someone who's already in a relationship, NYC relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. "And, it may also be an in-person office flirtation that remains verbal, rather than physical."

However, the reason micro-cheating is not a black and white issue is because not everyone defines inappropriate behavior in the same way. Some people consider flirting with other people to be OK in certain situations as long as it doesn't turn into anything physical, or emotional. Oftentimes in relationships, partners don't take the time to specifically define behavior they would consider to be a breach of trust. According to Anita A. Chlipala, a dating expert and licensed marriage therapist, by not having conversations about what each one of us feels is or isn't OK, space is left open for a partner to make assumptions that may not be accurate.

So even the experts aren’t exactly clear on what this is. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit

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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of New Orleans, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation, something afoul is afoot! For the Dark One, whose name I dare not speak, might be getting an upgrade to his crumbling administration! Yes, for a second justice has resigned from the highest court in the land. Meaning that the religious right is salivating over the prospect that they will now have the ability to eliminate rights and freedoms that people – mainly the fairer sex – have once had, and it is not a good thing!

Religious Right leaders have joined right-wing pundits and political activists in heaping praise on Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump’s nominee to fill the Supreme Court seat left vacant by Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement. Many praised Trump for following through on his campaign promise to pick judges from the list that was pre-approved by the Heritage Foundation and Federalist Society, which puts Americans’ access to health care, women’s ability to choose safe and legal abortion, and legal equality for LGBTQ Americans at risk.

Not surprisingly, the Heritage Foundation’s John Malcolm and Elizabeth Slattery called the choice “another home run” by Trump. Among other things, they praised a dissent in which Kavanaugh suggested that the Supreme Court may want to reconsider its holding in a 1935 case that upheld the constitutionality of independent agencies. They also defended Kavanaugh from a few right-wing critics who said he has not been aggressive enough in promoting the Religious Right’s opposition to abortion and its weaponized interpretation of religious liberty, saying that Kavanaugh “has been playing the long game to advance an understanding of the laws and Constitution that is faithful to the text and original meaning.”

National Review’s Jim Geraghty told conservatives, “Everybody you like loves this guy.”

Here are some excerpts from press statements and messages to activists.

Hey give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir – how great are they? Now you know that the cat is out of the bag on how they really feel – you know the Dark One could nominate Hitler and Satan to the Supreme Court and they would be praising how great their choices are. But now you’re going to hear some ridiculously stupid shit coming from the religious right. Yes, we’re allowed to swear in our church, ma’am! But what we are not allowed to say is the name of the Dark One! For he is the most evil being in the world right now! He is the devil incarnate!!! But that wasn’t even the craziest thing that was said!

Right-wing radio host Jesse Lee Peterson reported on his program yesterday that he has concerns about the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court based on the fact that Kavanaugh is “a mama’s boy” and is not a “real man” because both of his children are girls.

Peterson said that while he trusts President Trump because “he has not been wrong yet about anything,” he does have concerns about the fact that Kavanaugh talked about his mother too much during his acceptance speech.

“During his speech, it was all about his mama,” Peterson complained. “He always love his mama. It was all about the impact that his mother had on his life while he was growing up, how she influenced him, even though he was raised by his father too. He gave this big old long speech about his mother and then, right at the end, he said, ‘Oh yeah, I love my daddy too.'”

“So that concerns me,” Peterson said. “He is a mama’s boy.”

“The other thing is he has no boys, he has only girls,” he continued. “Real men make boys first and I notice that most men are not real men anymore and they are making girls.”

Yeah I think the Dude answers that question better than you, Jesse! But apparently this appointment is the best one of the Dark One’s performances so far! Really do these people even hear themselves talking?

Right-wing political operative, author and former speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is calling President Trump’s Supreme Court nomination of Brett Kavanaugh the president’s “best performance so far” and “an example of the way President Trump is brilliantly strategic on the issues that are really important.” Gingrich’s comments were made in an op-ed for Fox News and during an appearance on the network this week. Gingrich said he was in the White House just hours before the announcement to meet with Vice President Mike Pence and other officials, and that he had a chance to spend time with Kavanaugh.

“Since these appointments are for life,” Gingrich said, “President Trump’s influence on the federal court system will last decades beyond his time in office.”

Gingrich praised the remarks made by Kavanaugh at the White House announcement of his nomination as “professionally sound and unassumingly personable,” adding, “I couldn’t help but wonder how the Democrats are going to try to demonize this eminently likable man, who currently serves on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia.”

Yes, keep talking sinners! Because lying is a sin!! And it is a sin that is very clearly outlined in our good book right here! For which you can buy copies right after the show! And you can see for yourself where it clearly says that. I know which passage and verse they appear in! Not that passage, good sir! But you know with friends like these, who needs enemies?

Focus on the Family, the massive nonprofit organization that got the IRS to re-classify it as a church in order to avoid government regulation and, it claimed later, to protect the privacy of its donors, sent supporters an email on Friday morning praising Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and offering a “free resource” on the nominee. “On issues of religious freedom and free speech, among others, his court opinions and dissents portray a judge who deeply values our God-given rights guaranteed by the Constitution,” says Focus.

The “resource” is a webpage containing basic biographical information and a section on “What makes Kavanaugh a good prospect for the Supreme Court?” High on that list is his “originalist and textualist judicial philosophy.” Focus also notes that Kavanaugh has called the late right-wing Justice Antonin Scalia a “hero and a role model.”

“Originalism” is a judicial philosophy grounded in the belief that judges should interpret the language of the Constitution according to what they believe the document’s authors originally meant. Scalia was supposedly devoted to originalism—championed by the Federalist Society and all but mandatory for conservative judicial candidates to embrace—but applied it inconsistently in order to support his favored outcomes. Former Supreme Court Justice David Souter, whose name is used as an epithet by right-wing judicial activists, eloquently denounced originalism in a 2010 commencement address at Harvard.

There you have it! Religious groups are now literally telling their parishoners which way to vote, so much for separation of church and state! But we are not an official church. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]John Schnatter
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It’s time once again to ask:

Papa John’s Pizza: How is this still a thing? Yes, the company founded by John Schnatter has been in quite a bit of trouble the over some of the founder’s remarks. You might remember when he denounced his employees’ right to health care while he lives in a giant mansion with a private golf course. Or you might remember when they became the official pizza of the Alt Right when Schnatter said some racist remarks about NFL players and anthem protests (see Top 10 #3-21 ). But this week it might have sent them over the edge.

John Schnatter—the founder and public face of pizza chain Papa John’s—used the N-word on a conference call in May. Schnatter confirmed the incident in an emailed statement to Forbes on Wednesday. He resigned as chairman of Papa John's on Wednesday evening.

The call was arranged between Papa John’s executives and marketing agency Laundry Service. It was designed as a role-playing exercise for Schnatter in an effort to prevent future public-relations snafus. Schnatter caused an uproar in November 2017 when he waded into the debate over national anthem protests in the NFL and partly blamed the league for slowing sales at Papa John’s.

On the May call, Schnatter was asked how he would distance himself from racist groups online. He responded by downplaying the significance of his NFL statement. “Colonel Sanders called blacks n-----s,” Schnatter said, before complaining that Sanders never faced public backlash.

Schnatter also reflected on his early life in Indiana, where, he said, people used to drag African-Americans from trucks until they died. He apparently intended for the remarks to convey his antipathy to racism, but multiple individuals on the call found them to be offensive, a source familiar with the matter said. After learning about the incident, Laundry Service owner Casey Wasserman moved to terminate the company’s contract with Papa John’s.

Yes, Papa John himself went full racist during an exercise in how to handle public relations events, which suggests that perhaps he didn’t quite get the message. And you never go full racist, even hardcore 1488 white supremacists know that. Shit, even Rand Paul knows that John Schnatter is a racist scumbag. And Rand Paul is also a racist scumbag.

U.S. Sen. Rand Paul said Monday he would not return thousands of dollars in political donations from John Schnatter, who resigned from Papa John's last week after he admitted to using a racial slur.

"I think the language that was said to be used was unacceptable and should not be used, period," Paul said after telling the Courier Journal he would not return the donations.

The Kentucky Republican received $17,000 from Schnatter in political donations from 1996 to 2018, according to a Courier Journal analysis of the pizza baron's FEC filings.

"Perhaps we should ask the same question of all the media covering this story: Are any of the TV stations or newspapers going to give back the advertising money they have taken from Papa John's over the years?" said sokesperson Kelsey Cooper said in a statement.

And that is certainly true. So how is Papa John’s Pizza still a thing if their founder is such a racist asshole and an overall horrible human being? Well even their board of directors is asking him to stop talking.

Papa John's continued to distance itself from founder John Schnatter over the weekend, prohibiting him from talking to the press, removing him from the pizza chain's advertising materials and revoking his office space at the company's headquarters.

"The company has specifically requested that Mr. Schnatter cease all media appearances, and not make any further statements to the media regarding the company, its business or employees," Papa John's said in a press release late Sunday.

The company created a special committee of independent directors to evaluate the ties between Papa John's and its founder after he admitted last week to using a racially charged slur during a May conference call.

The committee terminated Schnatter's "Founder Agreement," which designated him as the face of the company's advertising and marketing, and terminated his sublease agreement for office space at Papa John's Louisville, Kentucky, headquarters.

Yes, Papa John went there, and in this day and age, you most certainly cannot go there. Perhaps it’s time for the Papa John’s company to take a step back and retool its’ image. Even the University Of Louisville dropped their name from their stadium.

A week that began with reports that Papa John’s founder Papa “John” Schnatter somehow worked an overt hard-r racial slur into a conference call with a marketing company is ending with the removal of Schnatter’s name from virtually everything on which it had previously been emblazoned. There are only so many of these left at this point, but the University of Louisville announced on Friday that it would begin the work of prying Papa’s brand off their football stadium and, uh, The John H. Schnatter Center for Free Enterprise at the Louisville College of Business. He had already withdrawn from the school’s board of trustees on Wednesday, and had stepped down from the school’s Athletic Association back in April.

So Papa Johns lost their lucrative corporate sponsorship. And to even kick a man further when he’s down, the Papa John’s Corporation kicked him out of their Louisville headquarters and asked that he not talk to the press:

Papa John’s International Inc.’s board put further distance between the pizza chain and its outspoken founder, John Schnatter, for using a racial slur, agreeing to review all ties to him, evict him from the headquarters and remove him from all marketing materials.

A special committee of independent directors ordered the termination of a so-called founder’s agreement that designated Schnatter as the brand’s face and voice and is requesting he cease media appearances on behalf of the firm, the company said in a statement after a Sunday night board meeting. Though Schnatter resigned as chairman this month and no longer holds a formal management role, he remains on the board and still owns about 30% of the company’s shares.

Schnatter came under pressure after a media report that he used a racial slur and graphic descriptions of violence against minorities in a conversation with the company’s former media agency, Laundry Service. That was months after he exited the chief executive job over critical comments about the National Football League’s national-anthem controversy.

Which just goes to show you – in this day and age, maybe don’t say something racist. Even analysts are predicting that Papa Johns is better off without its’ key ingredient: Papa John.

Papa John's accepted Schnatter's resignation as chairman of the company's board on Wednesday and decided to no longer use his image in any of its advertising or marketing materials. However, Schnatter, who owns a 24 percent stake in Papa John's, remains on the company's board.

"This decision is the first of several key steps to rebuild trust from the inside-out," Ritchie said.

The company's next steps will include retaining an independent expert to audit its existing processes and policies surrounding diversity and inclusion and sending its senior management to its restaurants to hold listening sessions with employees.

"I will personally be leading this effort because there is nothing more important for Papa John’s right now," Ritchie said.
"We want to regain trust, though I know we need to earn it. We will demonstrate that a diverse and inclusive culture exists at Papa John’s through our deeds and actions."

Papa John's shares closed Friday at $53.55, recouping the losses it logged Wednesday, and then some. In the aftermath of the report, the stock hit a 52-week low of $47.80, but is now up about 4 percent for the week as a whole.

Yes, in addition to racism and excess greed, Papa John himself thinks of diversity the same way that Ron Burgundy does. Which makes us think that the company is better off without him. That’s enough to make you ask – Papa John’s Pizza:

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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So the Alt Right is finding out that its’ messages of racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny aren’t exactly welcome in a society that is becoming more free and accepting of these things. Case in point – the Proud Boys. Yes, that group of winners was dining in the Top 10’s hometown of Los Angeles when they attracted unruly crowds on both sides, as was expected, and well, things got really ugly really quickly, as was expected.

Members of the far-right “Proud Boys” were chased out of a Los Angeles bar on Saturday by a group of democratic socialist protesters.

Video from the incident shows the left-wing activists shouting “No Proud Boys, no KKK, no fascist USA” at the group at L.A. bar The Griffin.

The L.A. chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) shared video of the incident on Twitter, in which their members and others from anti-gentrification group Defend North East Los Angeles can be heard chanting and yelling “F--- you fascist,” “Get out of here, Nazi” and “Facist pigs, squeal — you’re all swine.”

The Proud Boys are a far-right organization of men that was started by a former founder of Vice Media. They describe themselves as "western chauvinists" who "refuse to apologize for creating the modern world," according to their web site.

Hell yes it did. And like all things the Alt Right does, they’re quickly finding out that people might be really pissed off at them. But you know there’s crazy and then there’s Alt Right crazy. The difference is that they take your normal crazy and add racism and misogyny among other horrible traits. But here’s the thing about the right wing that you need to know – when you kick them down, they get right back up again. And yes, they are planning a 2nd Unite The Right rally.

Weeks until the anniversary of last year’s deadly “Unite the Right” demonstration in Charlottesville, Va., city officials said efforts are underway to keep a proposed “Unite the Right 2” next month from turning tragic.

Charlottesville officials discussed their plans for the proposed Aug. 12 protest during a public meeting held Thursday in anticipation of a federal judge ruling whether the rally occur can occur.

“We are preparing for worst-case scenarios, that’s our job,” said Andrew Baxter, Charlottesville’s fire chief, WVIR-TV reported. “My goal, my definition of success, will be on Monday, August 13, that the community says to us, ‘you guys were too prepared.’”

Charlottesville resident Jason Kessler, a 34-year-old white nationalist activist who organized last year’s “Unite the Right,” sued the city in March for refusing to let him hold a protest on the event’s anniversary. His case is currently pending in Charlottesville federal court, and a hearing has been set for July 24 regarding whether the city should be forced to grant him a permit, potentially giving officials fewer than three weeks to prepare.

Yes so the Alt Right sends out their best… um… lawyers to deal with the situation. I thought these people hated trial lawyers, did they not? I mean who wants to go hear a bunch of semi-patriotic yahoos who carry around pocket versions of the Constitution yet couldn’t recite one article from it scream about how much they hate everyone who’s not a MAGAhole? Let these assholes speak to empty rooms and eventually they’ll go away. But no…

Jason Kessler, the far-right activist who organized last year’s white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, where a counter-protester was killed, said that he thought people “need to separate the alt-right” from real-life events like his upcoming Unite the Right anniversary rally because those people “aren’t used to being out of the internet.”

It was reported yesterday that Kessler and other white nationalist and militia groups had signed consent decrees in which they agreed to discourage “paramilitary activity” in Charlottesville so that they could resolve a lawsuit stemming from last year’s rally. The same day, he also appeared on the alt-right podcast “The Public Space” hosted by white nationalist Jean-François Gariépy, to who Kessler suggested that many alt-right people are ill-equipped to behave properly at “in real life” events such as his rally because their activism largely takes place on the internet.

Gariépy asked Kessler to explain why he is “talking about collaborating with the police, collaborating with the secret services” for his “Unite the Right 2” anniversary rally in D.C., and whether he believed there was merit to accusations that he “encourages people to find themselves in situations where they will get doxed.”

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. So you’re telling me that the Alt Right and Neo Nazis shouldn’t mix and that they should welcome doxing? Ok I want whatever brand of Covfefe these guys are smoking. Because this is some truly fucked up logic here. The alt right and the neo Nazis actually have a lot in common. You would think these guys would make natural allies. But here’s where it gets weird. So the good news – they can’t carry guns.

Jason Kessler on Thursday promised to be active in discouraging organized, armed groups from returning to Charlottesville, casting doubt on his ability to hold an anniversary Unite the Right rally this August.

Kessler and Redneck Revolt, an anti-fascist group, signed consent decrees this week, resolving a lawsuit brought by Georgetown Law’s Institute for Constitutional Advocacy and Protection.

The lawsuit sought to prevent nearly two dozen white nationalist groups, militia groups and their leaders from paramilitary activity at demonstrations in Charlottesville.

Kessler and Redneck Revolt were the only two defendants remaining. Under the 19 consent decrees and four additional default judgments expected to be entered by the court, the other defendants already have agreed not to engage in paramilitary-like activity in the city.

So yeah Unite The Right 2: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder is going to be kind of like that. And how is it going to play out? Only time will tell!!!

The lead organizer of the violent Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville was the last defendant to enter into a consent decree, in which he promised not to facilitate organized, armed paramilitary activity at any future rallies in the city.

The decree permanently prohibits Jason Kessler and the others who signed from participating in militias, alt-right organizations and protests in Charlottesville.

The lawsuit was brought against protestors on behalf of the city, local businesses and neighborhood associations for organizing an armed rally.

Redneck Revolt, which describes itself as an “anti-racist, anti-fascist community defense formation,” also entered into a consent decree earlier this week.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink

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Hey New Orleans, I really need a drink!

And man do I need a drink this week. So you know the idea of this is where we get have some drinks and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics because, let’s face it, there’s some pretty dark shit in the news right now. So if you’re between drinks right now this is the perfect time to order another round or two! And it got really dark really quickly. Plus I’m in a city where booze flows freely by the way, is it safe to say that? So tell me bartender, what goes well with a rented DVD? A bottle of Bud Dry? That hasn’t existed as long as… OK fine, fuck it. I’ll just take my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. I call it the “Double Jack”. So a very sad thing happened last week in Alaska. Let’s explain further.

Two Blockbuster video stores are closing in Alaska, leaving just one left in the United States.

A couple franchise outlets in Alaska famously continued to survive long after the parent company of the formerly ubiquitous national chain folded. They were long bolstered by nostalgia as well as remote communities with a lack of high-speed Internet access for streaming video. But now they’re both shutting their doors for the last time Sunday night, the AP reported.

“These are the last two Blockbuster stores in Alaska that survived and it is sad to say goodbye to our dedicated customers,” the managers posted on Facebook. “We have thought of you as family for the past 28 years … Thank you for sticking by us throughout all these years. I can’t tell you how much it means to us. We hope to see you at our stores during the closing, even if it’s just to say ‘Hello.’ What a great time to build your media library and share some Blockbuster memories with us.
We will miss all of you!”

Yes that probably is not a wise investment, Randy, as there is only one last Blockbuster Video in America and it’s in Bend, Oregon. Which makes us wonder – hey what happened to all that crazy movie memorabilia John Oliver bought a while back?

Try as he might, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver will not be known as the man who single-handedly saved Blockbuster.

Back in April, Oliver bought a number of items from Russell Crowe’s divorce auction, including a leather jockstrap from the film Cinderella Man. Pledging to donate the items to a worthy cause, Oliver zeroed in on two of the last remaining Blockbusters, located in Alaska, promising that if one of them contacted the show, they could display the memorabilia in their store.

Unfortunately, the attempted publicity stunt didn’t do the trick and the two Alaska Blockbusters are due to close next week, leaving just one Blockbuster in the entire U.S. The stores, located in Fairbanks and Anchorage, will officially close on Monday, July 16. The last remaining Blockbuster store is located in Bend, Oregon.

Excuse me a minute… And here’s where it gets weird. See, gone are the days when you would actually get in your car and drive to a Blockbuster Video to rent a DVD. Only to find there’s nothing good and then you get back in the car and drive home. Now you can just push a button and have these movies available to you instantly. The really fucked up thing in this day and age is that the last Blockbuster in America has actually seen a resurgence!

A man parked his motorcycle on the sidewalk Saturday morning, ruining the aesthetic of the last remaining Blockbuster in the contiguous United States.

“You can’t park there,” general manager Sandi Harding told the man as he walked into the store in Bend, Ore. “People are trying to take pictures.”

The man paused for a beat. There was confusion in his response.

“Trying to take pictures?”

Somehow he had missed the past decade, when Blockbuster the video rental behemoth became Blockbuster the fallen victim of modernity.

In 2004, at the company’s peak, 9,000 Blockbuster outlets studded city blocks and suburban strip malls nationwide, a onetime indelible fixture of the family movie night. But soon after, Netflix, Redbox and the cold march of digital progress eroded the customer base at each store.

Yeah remember when they would pick like the most bland, G-rated, boring, unoffensive movie to show on the TV monitors? Like Air Bud or Babe: Pig In The City? Although somehow I don’t think Ted would be the movie I would choose, but if you have no customers, fuck it! I mean come on even Arnold jokes about the end of Blockbuster Video!

Former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a frequent critic of President Trump, takes fresh aim at his fellow Republican in a new video in which he mocks Trump’s efforts to save the coal industry, saying it makes no more sense than protecting Blockbuster video-rental stores.

The three-minute video opens with Schwarzenegger, an actor well known for his time-traveling title role in “The Terminator” movie series, lecturing a Trump bobblehead.

“So President Trump, I know you really want to be an action hero, right?” Schwarzenegger says. “So take it from the Terminator, you’re only supposed to go back in time to protect future generations. But your administration attempts to go back in time to rescue the coal industry, which is actually a threat to future generations.”

“It is foolish to bring back laughable, outdated technology to suit your political agenda,” Schwarzenegger continues. “I mean, what are you going to bring back next? Floppy disks? Fax machines? Beanie Babies? Beepers? Or Blockbuster? Think about it. What if you tried to save Blockbuster?”

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 5: The USDA
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It’s time for episode 5 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The USDA[/font]

This week we’re going to take a look at how our meat is processed. Not that kind of meat, sir. Go ahead, let all of the jokes out! I’ll just sit here and finish my second double Jack & Jack. I mean come on if you’re going to talk shit about how big your meat is, whip it out! Don’t be shy! You won’t get arrested for public nudity. This is New Orleans! What happens in NOLA, stays in NOLA, am I right about that? OK let’s get back to business here, we got Slightly Stoopid waiting. They’re on a huge tour right now and I’m sure they’d like to get back to it. Back on track. The US Department Of Agriculture oversees the American farming industry. And right now we are in a state with a lot of farms, isn’t that right, Louisiana? But they oversee how all of our domestic animal and vegetable products are produced. To take a look at what they do exactly, let’s see how they are monitoring our fruits that are produced in states like my home state of California.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture has decreased its estimates for California and Texas orange production.

The California orange forecast is 44 million boxes, down 1% from the USDA’s June projection. The Texas orange forecast is 1.88 million boxes, down 11% from June.

The estimate for California valencias has been lowered 5% to 9 million boxes, on par with last season.

The forecast for California navels is steady at 35 million boxes, which is down 11% from the 2016-17 season.

While USDA lowered its estimate for Texas oranges, 1.88 million boxes still represents a 37% gain from last season.

He does kind of look orange doesn’t he? Anyway getting back on topic, and speaking of Trump, who did he nominate to lead this department? After all they do get a cabinet position, and on America’s Next Top President, that position will get quickly eliminated!

A University of Nebraska-Lincoln adjunct professor was nominated by President Donald Trump on Monday to become Undersecretary for Agricultural Research, Education and Economics at the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

Scott Hutchins, an adjunct in the Entomology Department at UNL, would oversee the Agricultural Research Service, the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, the Economic Research Service and the National Agricultural Statistics Service as the USDA's chief scientist.

The current global leader of integrated field sciences for Corteva Agriscience, the agricultural division of DowDuPont, Hutchins lives in Carmel, Indiana.

He holds a bachelor's degree from Auburn, a master's degree from Mississippi State as well as a Ph.D. from Iowa State, and was the president of the Entomological Society of America in 2007.

Professor Gary Brewer, head of UNL's Entomology Department, said Hutchins is "a great strategic planner" with professional development expertise, conducting workshops and planning sessions for the department.


Wow. Just… wow. Just like everything he nominates, Trump manages to pick the absolute worst candidates for the job! I mean the current head of the USDA used to run a giant chemical company that, I don’t know, poisoned agriculture! That would be like nominating the iceberg to lead America’s boating industry! Straight ahead! Cling clang!!! I mean come on, they’re thinking of getting rid of bees! Bees for damn sake!

Bee populations in North America have been in decline since the 1940s. This is of great concern to the agriculture industry because about 75 percent of specialty crops depend on the services of pollinators – of which bees are the most economically important.

In the United States, honey bees and native bees are the most economically important species contributing approximately $15 billion in crop value. USDA’s National Institute of Food and Agriculture (NIFA) invests in research to investigate the reasons for the declining populations, promote pollinator health, reduce honey bee colony losses, and restore pollinator habitats.

Since 2008, NIFA has invested about $49 million in grants on research, education, and extension programs that address bee health. Among these is Michigan State University’s Integrated Crop Pollination project, where researchers and extension specialists have developed sustainable pollination strategies for both wild and managed bees. One of their successes was to develop landscape models to identify where best to establish native plants to enhance crop pollination, such as marginal soil sites near pollinator-dependent crops. Another project went to the University of Maryland, where researchers, extension specialists, and beekeepers refined and validated best management practices to minimize losses from pests and diseases.

You know what before we go we should definitely take a look at what the USDA is doing to help the bee population. This is about as evil as it gets. You might as well appoint Homer Simpson to be head bee guy.

Over the last half-decade, nearly a third of the North American bee population has disappeared. New research suggests in some parts of the United States, climate change could be the reason bee populations continue to shrink.

To better understand how global warming affects bee health, scientists from Northwestern University and the Chicago Botanic Garden exposed bee nests in Arizona to a variety of temperatures. Researchers altered the temperatures by painting the nests black, white and clear.

Black paint caused the nests to absorb more of the sun's energy, replicating the region's future climate, should temperatures continue to rise unabated. The black paint effectively fast-forwarded to the climate of the years 2040 to 2099.

White paint caused the hives to reflect heat, taking bees back in time to climate conditions similar to those observed in the 1950s. Clear paint worked as a control.

Damn it!!!!

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: B
How Things Are Going: C
Likely hood To Survive: B

Overall: B

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we are going to show you more of the food world as we visit the Food & Drug Administration!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Slightly Stoopid[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, returning to our fine program, is none other than San Diego’s biggest stoner rock band. They have a new album out called “Everyday Life, Everyday People” and you can see them on the School’s Out For Summer tour running through August! Playing their song “If You Want It”, give it up for Slightly Stoopid!

New Orleans, this was an awesome experience! I love you guys! We’ll be back soon! We are off to Kansas City next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Café Istanbul, New Orleans, LA
Special Thanks To: Café Istanbul Management
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Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jul 18, 2018, 04:20 PM (3 replies)

Top 10 Quick Takes: Proud Boys Gathering In LA Gets Ugly

Los Angeles police were called to an altercation at a neighborhood bar in Atwater Village on Saturday that stemmed from a gathering of members or supporters of a known hate group.

Proud Boys, a self-described “western chauvinist” men’s club that the Southern Poverty Law Center has labeled a hate group, were patronizing The Griffin on Los Feliz Boulevard on Saturday night, when word began spreading of the group’s presence.

Many of them were wearing red “Make America Great Again” hats and black polo shirts trimmed in yellow stripes from the Fred Perry fashion label, garments commonly associated with the group (the Fred Perry brand has distanced itself from the association).


LAPD officers were called to the bar at 10:35 p.m., in response to a report of “large groups fighting at the 3000 block of Los Feliz Boulevard,” said Officer Rosario Herrera.

“When officers arrived they advised both parties to leave the location, both agreed and there was no report taken at that time,” Herrera told L.A. Taco.

There were no arrests.

Cell phone video shot on Saturday shows a uniformed LAPD officer standing in a crowd of patrons and staff inside the bar, where the lights were turned on. A crowd in the background is chanting, “No Proud Boys, No KKK, no fascist USA.” An unidentified man in a black T-shirt and black-and-gold baseball cap can be seen flashing the ‘OK’ sign with both of his hands to someone off camera — a gesture whose origins the Anti-Defamation League has traced to a “white power” meme born on the online forum 4chan.

In another video, filmed outside the bar, a young man standing in a group of men wearing “MAGA” hats and black and gold-trimmed polo shirt is heard arguing with someone off camera, saying: “… and Irish people were slaves just like the f-cking black people. I don’t wanna hear that f-cking shit.”

Fuck the Proud Boys. GTFO out of California.
Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Sun Jul 15, 2018, 11:51 PM (10 replies)

Preview For This Week's Top 10 Conservative Idiots


Oh the humanity!!!!!!!!

*audience laughs and applauds*

This week - the Top 10 is live in New Orleans and it's gonna be a rager! We break down the Peter Strzok hearing, recap all the madness from Trump's London visit, introduce America's Next Top SCOTUS Justice, tell you about the latest Mueller indictments, Alex Jones is the go to guy on internet censorship, and we have more Profiles In #Civility. Plus in our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates, we're going to take a look at something called "Micro Cheating" - are you guilty of it? And in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in "Holy Shit", our resident pastor is going to tell you some of the more insane ramblings from the Christian right about SCOTUS. Also we ask how Papa John's is still a thing, and the Alt Right is planning Charlottesville 2: Electric Boogaloo Die Harder. We've also got a new installment of "I Need A Drink" in which we get drunk and discuss the end of Blockbuster Video. And we've got the next installment of Deep State Diaries in which we find out how our meat is processed as we tour the USDA. Plus some live music from Slightly Stoopid!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Wednesdays at 2:00 PM /shameless self promotion
Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Sun Jul 15, 2018, 06:03 PM (4 replies)

Top 10 Quick Takes: Trump Is A Stable Genius II

President Trump called himself a “very stable genius” again on Thursday while discussing his social media habits after the NATO summit in Brussels.

Trump was asked during a press conference if he will take to his Twitter page while boarding Air Force One and send out his own comments after meeting with international leaders.

“No, that’s other people that do that,” Trump said. “I don’t. I’m very consistent.”

“I’m a very stable genius,” the president added.

Trump during the press conference also said NATO allies have agreed to "substantially up" their dense spending after his frequent criticism, adding that he will raise the issue of election meddling when he meets with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Monday.

Foreign leaders, however, denied that NATO members will increase spending beyond previously set goals.

Trump in January defended his mental fitness for office, calling himself a “very stable genius” and “like, really smart.”

Well you know what they say about repeating the lie long enough...
Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Thu Jul 12, 2018, 07:13 PM (4 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-4: Wheel Of Corruption & The Goblet Of Fire Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-4: Wheel Of Corruption & The Goblet Of Fire Edition

Ed. Note: We had some technical difficulties with the Wheel Of Corruption which resulted in the delay but we are back up and running! Enjoy!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Austin???? Yeah we need the reggaetón horn for this one! It’s our first ever road trip show and we’re doing it where else but the capital of Texas, Austin! Yes we have left our confines of the UCB Theater in Hollywood to go out and take the Top 10 out on the road. This time we’re hanging out in the one area of Texas where apparently liberals are still welcome – Austin, at the Cap City Comedy Club! Holy shit what a week it’s been! So do we have time for the thing or not? Yes? OK let’s talk about the World Cup. And one of my favorite subjects – prop betting. Because we here at the Top 10 will help you make money off just about anything. So we have the semi finals tomorrow with France vs. Belgium and Croatia vs. England. By the way did anyone else love it when Russia lost? Come on Austin! But there’s one prop bet in particular that I want to talk about and that involves former phenom David Beckham and current phenom Zlatan Ibrahemovich. I really hope I’m pronouncing that right. Anyway the two of them made a wager that if England won the winner would get dinner anywhere in the world – which is pretty cool in itself. But then if France won, Beckham would have to buy Zlatan anything he wanted from Ikea. To which the rest of the world responded: “Really?”. This has to be a joke right? I mean Zlatan can afford a mega mansion in Los Angeles, why would he shop anywhere else? Unless Ikea sponsors our show to which we say please by all means buy anything you want at Ikea! Great place! OK enough of the intro. Man it sucks on July 4th weekend when there’s no good talk show content being produced. So instead I’ll play Bill Maher’s new rule from a couple of weeks ago where he discussed “The Tick”:

Hey everybody the Wheel Of Corruption is back! Yay!!!! Wow, even on July 4th, conservative idiocy doesn’t take a holiday. In the first slot – another shake up in the Trump administration means it’s time for another installment of the Trumper Games! Woooooooooooooo!!!! Hell yeah! It’s been a while, but Tribute Pruitt has resigned because scandals, and it’s time for another go round! In the second slot we’re going to debut a new segment called “Profiles In Civility” (2). And by GOP “civility” they mean “kicking black people out of every public establishment”. There have been a lot of these stories lately and we’re going to burn through a few of them. In the third slot this week we have a new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected” and we are going to profile Ohio rep Jim Jordan in the wake of that massive and horrifying wrestling sex abuse scandal. In the 4th slot this week is also Donald Trump (4) and we’re going to recap his rally in Montana last week and it is something else. We’re talking off the rails batshit crazy. In the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we’re going to investigate actual NAZIs running for office, and some might be in YOUR OWN BACKYARD!!! *cue horror music* Taking the 6th slot this week of course is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”. And this week our resident pastor is going to take a look at the Ark Encounter theme park and its’ allegedly skyrocketing attendance. In the number 7 slot we’re going to bring back “Explaining Jokes To Idiots” and this week we’re going to tell you about how Alex Jones got trolled hard in response to his bizarre claim that democrats were going to start a civil war on July 4th, it was sweet! At number 8 we’ve got a new installment of “Beating A Dead Horse” and this week we’re going to talk about the Alt Right’s favorite conspiracy theory – Pizzagate. Seriously, guys, enough of this shit already! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of our favorite segment People Are Dumb because people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got a new edition of Deep State Diaries and this week we’re going deep into the White House to take a look at how the White House Press Corps has been doing under Trump mouthpiece Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Plus we’ve got some live music for you from the Interrupters you guys! Yes I think this is the first ska band we’ve had on the show, but they are great and their new album you should definitely check out. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]The Trumper Games
[br] [/font]

Hey everybody! It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!! Yay!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Chance
- 5,000
- Infowars
- Nazis
- Go Directly To Jail
- Buy A Vowel
- The Trumper Games
- Lawsuits
- Whammy
- Donald Trump
- People Are Dumb
- ‘Merica!
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- A Random Tweet
- 10,000
- Community Chest
- Talk Shows
- Clip Without Context
- Something Random In The News
- Fox News
- Top 10 Investigates
- Polls
- Chance
- Nukes
- Civility
- Intermission
- Deep State Diaries
- 15,000
- Bankrupt
- Morally Bankrupt
- Golf
- The GOP
- Butter Beer
- Community Chest
- Florida (Obviously)
- This Fucking Guy
- Beating A Dead Horse
- Holy Shit
- Guacamole ($1.50 Extra)
- Harry Potter
- T-Shirt Cannon
- ? (Mystery Item)
- I Need A Drink
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Wheel goes ‘round, wheel goes ‘round… and it lands on… clip without context!

Well… at least he admits it! And we’ll kick their asses again! Spin it again! Hey it lands on the Trumper Games!

Yes, my pretties!!! I am back! And where’s my drink! Damn it, Charlie, I asked you not to bring me the cheap champagne! I want the good stuff! Now where was I? Oh yes! Another Tribute has been eliminated from the games. But not before the president could fire the tribute. No! He has been eliminated through self elimination! And we think that’s probably the best move he could have made given the circumstances.

WASHINGTON -- Scott Pruitt, the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency who was key to implementing President Trump's conservative agenda but came under intense scrutiny for a series of questionable ethical decisions, resigned Thursday afternoon. Pruitt's deputy at the EPA, Andrew Wheeler, will serve as the agency's acting administrator starting Monday, President Trump said in a tweet.

"I have no doubt that Andy will continue on with our great and lasting EPA agenda," Mr. Trump tweeted. "We have made tremendous progress and the future of the EPA is very bright!"

Pruitt had been the subject of a seemingly endless deluge of stories about his behavior and spending practices. It began earlier this year when it was revealed that Pruitt had rented a room at a favorable rate from a well-connected energy lobbyist. Pruitt's lavish spending on his own security then came under scrutiny, as did his decision to install a $43,00 private phone booth in his office. There were also allegations that Pruitt had created an toxic professional atmosphere at the EPA that penalized his critics.

Pruitt said his decision to leave the EPA was a hard one in his resignation letter to Mr. Trump.

Yeah!!!!!! Let’s all toast to Pruitt leaving! Of course he leaves and our temperatures skyrocket by 30 degrees! The environmental gods must be pissed! Enjoy Hell, assholes! So we might be asking – how did this happen? Because Pruitt is not exactly what one would call “honorable”.

Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt has resigned after months of ethics controversies, citing "the unrelenting attacks" on himself and his family, which "have taken a sizable toll on all of us."

President Donald Trump first tweeted the news Thursday that Pruitt had resigned.

"I have accepted the resignation of Scott Pruitt as the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency," Trump tweeted. "Within the Agency Scott has done an outstanding job, and I will always be thankful to him for this."

Pruitt's resignation follows months during which the EPA administrator has been embroiled in one ethics controversy after the next.

To which I respond: “womp womp”. Followed by an “I don’t really care. Do U?”. So who is the next tribute who’s in line to replace Pruitt? Well, Bill Shine is the guy! And here’s more about him!

The revolving door of the Trump White House swung again this week, with EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt resigning and former Fox News head honcho Bill Shine coming on as deputy chief of staff for communications.

Let's cover the departure first. Pruitt left after months and months of negative headlines -- primarily surrounding his apparent attempts to use his office for personal profit. According to Brookings' Kathryn Dunn Tenpas, 54% of top staffers -- including Cabinet-level officials -- have left the Trump administration to date. Among Cabinet officials, seven have now left in Trump's first 18 months in office.

And now for the arrival. Shine, after resigning last year as the co-president of Fox News following whispers that he had been involved in building the toxic culture at the network, was scooped up by Trump to serve as his de facto communications director. Shine, a close confidant of Sean Hannity, had long been expected to join the White House -- and nary an issue was raised, at least not publicly, about the circumstances surrounding Shine's departure.

Yes, Trump is literally stacking his cabinet with former Fox News hosts! Think of it as a bullshit – to – bullshit pipeline! And by the way you want to know who’s really leeching off your hard earned tax dollars? It’s Scott Pruitt!

The letter, first reported Saturday by the New York Times and obtained independently by The Washington Post, does not spell out the precise actions that triggered Minoli’s concern. But a government official with direct knowledge of the inquiries, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because details have not been released publicly, said the referrals involved instances in which Pruitt potentially misused his position, such as having subordinates help with his housing search, inquire about a mattress or secure tickets to the Rose Bowl. Federal standards of conduct bar public officials from accepting free services or gifts from their subordinates, and from using their position for their own financial benefit.

The referrals also included a $2,000 payment, first reported by The Post nearly a month ago, that Pruitt’s wife received last year to help with logistics at an annual conference for the New York nonprofit group Concordia, the official said. Pruitt also spoke at the conference and had introduced his wife to the group’s chief executive as part of a broader push to find her employment.

So for now consider Tribute Pruitt eliminated! And damn it Charlie, where’s my champagne? Keep my glass filled, damn it!!! But keep in mind that since Pruitt has resigned the planet has got so hot that it almost literally resembles hell!

Scott Pruitt resigned as the head of the Environmental Protection Agency on Thursday, after one of the most scandal-marred cabinet tenures of any official. Pruitt abused his office for personal gain in ways large, small and even ridiculous. Lydia O’Connor of HuffPost has a good list.

Yet the worst thing about Pruitt’s tenure still wasn’t his personal corruption. It was his aggressive campaign to aggravate global warming, by rolling back federal attempts to combat it. Pruitt’s career — from Oklahoma attorney general to E.P.A. administrator — has been defined by his attempt to maximize the profits of energy companies, regardless of the effects on everyone else.

That attitude will almost certainly outlast Pruitt, unfortunately. It is effectively the official policy of the Trump administration. You can expect many more heat waves in the years to come.

“In the end, Mr. Pruitt was driven from office for having abused his position so outrageously,” the Times editorial board writes. “But if Mr. Trump continues down the same policy paths, as seems likely, Mr. Pruitt’s more lasting legacy, along with the president’s, will be an overheated planet and shortened life spans.” Frank Bruni also has a column on Pruitt.

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[font size="8"]Profiles In Civility
[br] [/font]

Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Wheel goes round, wheel goes round… and it lands on… wait for it… A random tweet!


Well they know he's so fat that he would need an industrial sized safety pin to hold his diaper in place! Although is it me or does fat baby Trump look like he's about to get popped by Westminster Abbey? Spin it again!!! Oh it’s our new segment… *cue reverb* Profiles In Civility! Ooh that was some good reverb there!

So here’s how this is going to work. Ever since Trump fans have harping on Maxine Waters and calling for civility we’re going to point out Trump profiles in civility. Which means essentially kicking black people out of public establishments. And we can define this the way Newt Gingrich defined it last week:

Newt Gingrich, the former Republican House speaker and Trump ally, said the way to end the public confrontations is “to call the police.”

“You file charges and you press them,” Gingrich said. “We have no reason to tolerate barbarians trying to impose totalitarian behavior by sheer force, and we have every right to defend ourselves.”


So the way to be civil to your fellow Americans is to press charges? All right Newt let’s see how many of these we can churn out. Because it’s just absolute madness at this point and it’s only seeming to get worse and worse. So in for our first “Profile In Civility” we’re going to San Antonio, Texas to talk about this incident. Yeah I don’t want to talk about this incident but it’s a perfect example to get us started.

A suspect who allegedly assaulted a San Antonio, Texas teen for wearing one of President Donald Trump's Make America Great Again hats was arrested and charged with felony theft Thursday night.

San Antonio police detectives nabbed Kino Jimenez, 30, without incident in nearby Universal City, Texas and booked him on a theft of person charge, according to the police department.

Bail for Jimenez was set at $5,000, police said.

The arrest came after a cell phone video surfaced on Twitter showing 16-year-old Hunter Richard being verbally abused and assaulted for wearing the bright red hat early Wednesday morning inside a San Antonio outlet of the popular Whataburger fast-food chain.

The video, which was recorded by a friend of Richard and quickly went viral in online social media, shows a bearded man throwing a drink in the teen victim's face, and then yelling "you ain’t supporting s—t" as he left the eating establishment with the hat.

The search for a suspect led San Antonio detectives from a robbery unit task force to Jimenez. If convicted, he faces a minimum sentence of 180 days in jail and a maximum sentence of two years.

Yeah so that happened. And yes there’s a report of some underlying racism coming from the victim that can’t be verified. But here’s where the #Civility comes into play. Guess what happened next? Kino got the treatment of the internet lynch mob – he got doxed, and very poorly at that!

MAGA Whataburger video: Vigilante mob justice leads to social media users doxing wrong suspect as threats of intimidation and violence sweep the internet demanding Kino Jimenez’s head.

In a sign of unrelenting fury and anger following the release of the MAGA Whataburger video, members of an internet mob seeking justice against the man seen throwing a drink at a teen at a San Antonio, Texas, fast food joint have been reportedly turning up at the wrong man’s home.

Livid with the apparent transgression against the teen and the boy’s rights to his beliefs, members of the public had taken to releasing what they believed to be Kino Jimenez’s address and phone number in the hope of inciting revenge.

Except the revenge never happened the way they had envisaged following many users on social media sharing what they believed to be Jimenez’s details. Details which in the end only turned out to be the suspect’s brothers, who have since told KSAT that they have been unfairly targeted and that their wanted brother hasn’t lived at their address in over five years.

‘People have been posting his old address and doxing it, but it’s really my address. He doesn’t live here anymore,’ Jimenez’s brother, Zeus, said. ‘He hasn’t lived here for the last five years.’

Damn straight, Principal Skinner! But the examples just don’t stop there! There was plenty of madness to go around this week! Like look what happened in Florida when this woman screamed “I don’t really care, do U?” at a disabled kid just trying to get around in a Wal-Mart.

AFlorida Walmart refused to allow a 10-year-old disabled boy to use their motorized carts because one employee claimed it was against their policy.

His mother, Tiffany Ferris, was furious after the situation and posted a video to Facebook about what happened. According to Ferris, her son, Cameron, has muscular development problems which makes it difficult to walk.

“He has been in special shoes, wheelchairs at school, and there have been many nights spent rubbing his legs so he can just sleep. Well, he started to have leg spasms, and I had him use a motorized cart to finish our trip,” Ferris wrote on Facebook. “I had stepped away for a minute the first time a lady (Walmart associate) approached him and told him that he couldn’t be on the carts, he was trying to explain but she just continues to tell him no! My husband approached a manager (a floor manager) who apologized and said he would make sure that didn’t happen again”

“Then another lady says loudly ‘Ma’am, ma’am, excuse me Ma’am, is that your son?’ Pointing to my youngest. Yes he is, he is disabled and he needs it. To which she replies, ‘I don’t really care about that, but minors can’t ride our carts it’s policy because it’s a liability.'”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Come on, you’re at a Florida Wal-Mart. Of course they hire these kinds of people. But this isn’t the only one. There’s literally been *HUNDREDS* of these kinds of stories coming out like this in the last two weeks. I could post them all, but I don’t really have that kind of time. Like how about this one in Georgia where a Subway employee called the cops on a black family just trying to eat there?

The family was returning from their grandmother's birthday party in South Georgia over the weekend.

On their drive home to North Carolina, Felicia and Othniel Dobson stopped for dinner at a Subway on Newnan Crossing Boulevard with their children -- ages 8, 12, 13, and 19, -- and the children's aunt.

“I have a 24-year-old sister who’s a recent graduate of North Carolina A&T (State University). My daughter’s 19. She’s entering sophomore year at Wake Forest University,” Felicia Dobson said.

The family was at the restaurant for about an hour when a Subway employee made an urgent 911 call.

"I need somebody to come through here please, ASAP. Now," the employee said. "There's about eight people in a van, and they've been in the store for about an hour. They keep going back and forth to the bathrooms by my back door."

So who’s the bigger danger here – the innocent black family just trying to eat a shitty footlong sandwich, or the white supremacist behind the counter who’s making them? And our final Profile In #Civlity this week we have to talk about this story out of San Bernardino, California, where a prosecuting attorney threatened to murder Maxine Waters, among other horrible atrocities committed on Twitter:

Michael Selyem, the lead gang prosecutor for the county district attorney’s office, is being investigated over the offensive Facebook and Instagram comments, authorities said Monday.

Staff complaints prompted the investigation, District Attorney Michael Ramos said. “The San Bernardino County district attorney’s office does not condone hate, discrimination or incitement of violence, he told reporters on Monday. “Our community and the entire criminal justice system depends on having a fair, ethical, and unbiased prosecutor.”

Selyem’s Facebook and Instagram accounts have been deleted. But a former member of his office captured screengrabs of several posts, which were passed on to law enforcement officials and The San Bernardino Sun, which first reported on them.

The post about Waters reads: “Being a loud-mouthed c#nt in the ghetto you would think someone would have shot this bitch by now.”

The message appeared after Waters called on protesters last month to confront members of the Trump administration in public — peacefully — over the president’s harsh immigration policy. Her comments triggered a debate about “civility” in politics.

To which we respond: “womp womp”, followed by “I don’t really care, Do U?”. You know we’ll bring you more of these stories as we get them. But for now this has been:

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[font size="8"]Jim Jordan
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Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP! Clip without context!

You guys are aware that you elected the antichrist president, right? Hey o!!! Spin it again! People who somehow got elected! Hit it!

Politicians at the state and local levels who are so toxic, you wonder how they’re able to get away with the things they get away with. This is:

This week – Ohio representative Jim Jordan, who is involved with a sexual predator at Ohio State University that would make the scandals at Penn State and Michigan State look like childs’ play if they get away with it. So let’s just start with how much trouble Jim Jordan is really in, he could be cellmates with Jerry Sandusky and Harvey Weinstein before too long.

In politics, as in life, there are varying degrees of denials. But only one denial counts — a full, unequivocal one. And in the case of what Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) knew about sexual abuse happening while he was a coach for the Ohio State University wrestling team decades ago, he has yet to give one.

That could complicate things for Jordan, specifically with whether his GOP colleagues have his back.

“I never saw, never heard of, never was told about any type of abuse. If I had been, I would have dealt with it,” Jordan told Fox News on Friday night of allegations by seven former Ohio State wrestlers that as assistant coach there, he knew or must have known of misconduct surrounding the team.

But when Fox News host Bret Baier asked Jordan to explain why more than a half-dozen wrestlers insist that sexual misconduct was discussed on a regular basis in the locker rooms, Jordan had this to say: “Conversations in a locker room are a lot different than people coming up and talking about abuse. No one ever reported any abuse to me.”

For something as serious as sexual abuse, that sounds to any logical listener like splitting hairs. In what situation would you hear about your own players feeling violated sexually and think they were just joking, or it wasn't worthy of following up?


I mean… Jesus. It seems Jim Jordan is in some very deep shit. And of course they’re joking – that’s that good old fashioned conservative “humor” at work. You can’t joke about this sort of thing, and neither will we. And of course it’s insane to think this has been going on many years *AFTER* the Jerry Sandusky scandal:

Jim Jordan continued to deny knowledge of alleged sexual abuse by a former OSU team doctor while attending a July 4 Tea Party rally. (AP)

Multiple former Ohio State wrestlers have accused U.S. Representative Jim Jordan of turning a blind eye to alleged sexual abuse committed by team doctor Richard Strauss while he was was a coach for the Buckeyes.

Jordan, a prominent Republican from Ohio, was an assistant coach at OSU from 1986-94. NBC reported on Tuesday that three former OSU wrestlers described the alleged abuse by Strauss as common knowledge and that he assaulted as many as 2,000 student athletes from 1978-98.

“I considered Jim Jordan a friend,” Mike DiSabato, one of Strauss’s accusers, told NBC. “But at the end of the day, he is absolutely lying if he says he doesn’t know what was going on.”...................

So for those of you playing at home, if you are following the conservative logic on this, they’re apparently OK with Jim Jordan’s witness tampering of an alleged pedophile at OSU, but they still think there’s an alleged pedophile crime ring out there somewhere. Yeah just… let that sink in for a few moments. But of course, the party where people completely lack empathy put it on full display of the Ohio State case.

Amid mounting allegations that Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) ignored widespread allegations of sexual abuse at Ohio State, Jordan took to Fox News on Friday evening to defend himself — and to attack the former wrestlers who allege he turned a blind eye to the abuse they suffered.

At least six former Ohio State wrestlers say Jordan knew about ongoing abuse at the hands of team doctor Dr. Richard Strauss, who has been accused of molesting hundreds of student-athletes over two decades. Jordan was an assistant wrestling coach at the university in the 1990s. Strauss committed suicide in 2005.

“There’s no way unless he’s got dementia or something that he’s got no recollection of what was going on at Ohio State,” one of the accusers, former UFC world champion Mark Coleman, told media outlets this week. A former wrestling coach who once worked with Jordan described the toxic environment for Ohio State wrestlers as a “cesspool of deviancy.”

Over the past week, Jordan has insisted he knew nothing about Strauss’ alleged sexual abuse. During Friday’s interview with Bret Baier, Jordan admitted he had heard some things among the team — but repeatedly downplayed these conversations as “locker room talk.”

“Conversations in a locker room are a lot different than people coming up and talking about abuse. No one ever reported any abuse to me,” he insisted.

When Baier pressed Jordan about why multiple former wrestlers are all saying the same thing — that Jordan knew about the abuse yet took no action — Jordan lashed out at the men, calling them liars and opportunists.

So apparently the guys who saw the thing that they saw are lying about the thing that they saw, at least that’s how Jim Jordan put it. And who’s standing by Rep. Jordan? Well you know the old saying – with friends like these, who needs enemies?

House Majority Whip Steve Scalise on Tuesday came out in support of Ohio Republican Rep. Jim Jordan, the first member of the House leadership team to do so since the congressman has been rocked by accusations that he turned a blind eye to alleged sexual abuse while an assistant coach at Ohio State University.
"I have always known Jim Jordan to be honest, and I'm confident he would stand up for his athletes, just like he's always stood up for what's right," Scalise said in a statement to CNN, "I'm glad that Jim is committed to working with the investigators to see that the full truth comes out and justice is served."
Scalise statement marks the first statement from a member of the Republican leadership team in support of Jordan. In a statement released through a spokesman last week when the allegations were first made against Jordan, Speaker Paul Ryan's office only called the allegations "serious" and said that they should be investigated.

And then of course another person who somehow got elected – Louis Gohmert. Yes, he stood by the abuser witnesser:

Rep. Louie Gohmert on Monday defended Rep. Jim Jordan from accusations that he knew about allegations of sexual abuse at Ohio State University more than two decades ago, and blamed a "dirty tricks law firm" with ties to Democrats for raising the allegations.

Gohmert, R-Texas, said Jordan, R-Ohio, was a "fine and decent person," and said he suspects there are political reasons why the allegations are surfacing now. Jordan has been accused of knowing that a former team doctor at the university was abusing wrestlers on the team when Jordan was an assistant coach.

Gohmert specifically cited the involvement of Perkins Coie, a law firm in Washington, DC, as evidence that the allegations are a smear campaign against Jordan.

"They waited over 20 years to make these allegations with the willing and very expensive assistance of Perkins Coie, a Washington, D.C.-based dirty tricks law firm," Gohmert said, adding that the law firm has worked with Democrats before.

There you have it. The GOP doesn’t care whether or not sexual crimes were committed, they will just do everything they can to silence the abused. That’ s Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan – another one of the:

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? Ooh that was a good spin there! And it lands on… Community Chest!

Nice! Pay up, suckas! Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. So this last week Trump went to Montana to do some campaign stumping. Who was he there for? Ah, fuck it, it doesn’t matter who he was there for! All that matters is that the only man of the hour was Donald J. Trump, and he doesn’t give a flying fuck that there was someone there who might have been running a campaign. We don’t know.

Without question, President Trump’s Catskills roast of a Montana rally on July 5 was a gasp-worthy disaster. Still, it was, as we used to say as kids, just more of the “same old, same old.” An hour-long rant that mixed the greatest hits from his racist and xenophobic campaign for the White House with some flecks of new material. What has changed is the heightened atmosphere of danger in which he delivered them 18 months into his presidency.

Monday night, before a national audience, the president is expected to hand a rose to his second nominee to the Supreme Court. The retirement of Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, the court’s swing vote, gives Trump the chance to give conservatives the majority they worked decades to achieve. And that will give them a chance to take a sledgehammer to rights they abhor, from abortion to same-sex marriage.

The nation remains appalled by Trump’s morally bankrupt “zero-tolerance” policy, which separated migrant children from their parents at the border and set up jails for babies. Now that his feckless administration is under court order to reunite the children with their parents, its sheer incompetence is plain for all to see. Just when you thought the callous disregard for these children couldn’t get any worse, the New York Times reported last week that “records linking children to their parents have disappeared, and in some cases have been destroyed.” And don’t forget that the Trump administration is going after naturalized U.S. citizens now, too.

Yeah I don’t think there’s any dental floss farms in this Montana. But really this is so fucked up what the Trump administration is doing in regards to immigrants. But that’s not the craziest thing that was said in Montana, and I think we might need an English – Trump translator here.

President Donald Trump held a rally in Montana on Thursday night and rambled for more than an hour about everything from ICE to tax reform to… Sir Elton John

At one point Trump went on one of his trusted riffs: complaining about no one congratulating him for how big the crowds at his rallies are.

“They never say I’m a great speaker,” Trump bellowed, pointing at the media attending the rally. “Why the hell do so many people come? It’s got to be something. I guess they like my policy?”


“I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.”
Read more: https://www.mediaite.com/tv/trump-goes-on-nonsensical-rant-about-elton-john-organs-and-the-brain/

Uh… could you repeat the part where you said the stuff about the things, Mr. President? Wow. I mean he has the best words folks! And it gets worse. Oh so much worse. I mean this is Donald J. Trump we’re talking about here. I mean if it didn’t get worse at this point I would be disappointed.

President Trump joked about the #MeToo movement Thursday, making light of the international campaign against sexual assault during a wide-ranging speech in which he also took aim at a potential 2020 White House opponent, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.).

At a rally in Great Falls, Mont., Trump deployed his familiar nickname of “Pocahontas” for Warren, which he has repeatedly used to mock the Massachusetts Democrat for her claims of Native American ancestry.

Trump imagined himself sparring with Warren on the debate stage and told the crowd that he would toss her a DNA kit, “but we have to do it gently because we’re in the #MeToo generation, so we have to be very gentle.”

He then made a throwing motion and said that “we will very gently take that kit, and we will slowly toss it, hoping it doesn’t hit her and injure her arm.”

The #MeToo movement gained steam late last year following revelations about decades of sexual abuse allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein. It has since led to the downfall of dozens of powerful men across a broad range of industries.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Dude, abusers don’t get to mock the abused. That would be like Lucy pulling the football from Charlie Brown, then Lucy spits in his face and kicks him in the nuts. You know – just for good measure! But this might be the worst thing said at the rally – and this is after everything that’s already been said! I mean just once I want a headline – “Trump speaks in Montana, nothing bad happened.” Can we have that just once?

It’s hard to maintain any shtick for more than a couple years, especially when the shtick is as innovative as the Donald Trump political rally. It’s now been just longer than three years since the president descended the gold escalator at Trump Tower, inaugurating the form. What is the point of a Trump rally in 2018? Can it still work its magic?

As the president’s appearance in Great Falls, Montana, Thursday evening demonstrates, it’s a mixed bag. The contours are all familiar—you know Trump will walk out to Lee Greenwood, and depart to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” In between there will be a mix of somewhat labored reading from a teleprompter and flights of improvised fancy. Boasts about crowd size and those left outside. Some perfunctory “build the wall” chants.

There was a time when this was riveting spectacle, either enthralling or terrifying or some mix. In person, the Trump rally can still impart a frisson. Viewed remotely, however, it’s increasingly pallid. There’s a reason the networks don’t carry them live in full anymore. During the 2016 presidential campaign, I routinely met attendees at Trump rallies who were agnostic or even against the candidate, but were fascinated to see the experience. As president, he retains the ability to shock or to amaze, but in these Trump-saturated days, who is still curious about him?

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[font size="8"] Top 10 Investigates: Backyard Nazis
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Spin it to win it! And it lands on… wait for it… What? Bankrupt? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Spin it again. And it’s time for: Top 10 Investigates. Hit it!

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

The Donald J. Trump presidential race of 2016 has brought to the forefront not only America’s seedy underbelly of hardcore racism, but has also paid attention to something that has become a global problem – hardcore racism. But now with the administration a full year and a half in power, the administration has made famous some extremely, well, let’s say not kosher people. In fact they might be running in your own back yard!

Voters in Illinois, Wisconsin, California, and Montana will be heading to the polls this summer and fall to make what should be an easy decision: neo-Nazi or not?

The candidates, all Republicans, are running various races in those four states — three for Congress and one for a state Legislature position. But they have one characteristic in common: Their views are openly white supremacist. Some even include limiting Jewish representation right in their political platforms or have the endorsement of the Ku Klux Klan.

The wannabe politicians, however, have tough campaigns ahead of them. Only 9 percent of Americans believe holding white supremacist or neo-Nazi views is acceptable, according to a Washington Post-ABC News poll conducted shortly after the violence in Charlottesville.

Yes, don’t be a stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Nazi party! Yes, the horror of the Charlottesville should have been a wake up call of America’s growing racism problem. In fact hardcore white supremacy has been at the forefront of the Trump administration. But guess what party they chose to run on? Yup!

In at least five state and national races across the country, the Republican Party is dealing with an uncomfortable problem. Their party’s candidates are either a card-carrying Nazi, a Holocaust denier, a proud white supremacist, or all of the above.

In North Carolina, for example, GOP officials are stuck with Russell Walker, a white supremacist running for the state House of Representatives. According to his personal website (littered with the n-word), he believes that “the jews are NOT semitic they are satanic as they all descend from Satan.”

Republicans in the state have regrets. “This is a very Democratic district, one that we failed to keep our eye on,” Dallas Woodhouse, executive chair of the North Carolina GOP, told me in an email. “However, we can’t stop him from running.”

Apparently there’s nothing that the GOP can do to stop actual Nazis from running in their own party, so let’s take a look at some of the winners who are running. They might be running in YOUR OWN BACKYARD!!! Like this man from North Carolina.

A North Carolina state House of Representatives candidate who recently won the Republican primary has claimed Jews are Satanic, U.S. soldiers are being poisoned by the government and that God is a white supremacist.

Russell Walker, the Republican candidate for House District 48’s Scotland and Hoke counties, lost the support of the North Carolina Republican Party this week after being tied to several racist and bizarre claims. Walker’s personal campaign website and Facebook pages tied to him espouse his belief in white supremacy and what he sees as the Christian Bible’s support for the white race above all others. Walker has filed lawsuits to keep Confederate symbols in public places as well as against the Hoke County News-Journal for refusing to publish his conspiratorial letters to the editor.

After being linked to years of bizarre and racist behavior, the North Carolina GOP officially severed ties with the lone Republican candidate on the ballot in the upcoming November election. Walker, who owns property in Aberdeen, will face Democratic incumbent Garland Pierce, an African-American minister.

And then there was this gentlemen (sic) from California, who was so extreme that the GOP had asked him to leave the party:

A anti-Semitic GOP Senate candidate was kicked out of the California Republican Party’s convention in San Diego Saturday morning, with one witness saying he was dragging and kicking an Israeli flag while being escorted out.

Party officials said from the outset of the convention that the candidate, Patrick Little, was not welcome at the political gathering.

“There's no room for that kind of hate speech that that man uses," said Cynthia Bryant, executive director of the California Republican Party.

In an recent interview with Newsweek, Little praised Adolf Hilter. His website is filled with anti-Semitic rants.


Or this guy who is an actual pedophile running in Virginia:

Nathan Larson, a 37-year-old accountant from Charlottesville, Virginia, is running for Congress as an independent candidate in his native state. He is also a pedophile, as he admitted to HuffPost on Thursday, who has bragged in website posts about raping his late ex-wife.

In a phone call, Larson confirmed that he created the now-defunct websites suiped.org and incelocalypse.today ― chat rooms that served as gathering places for pedophiles and violence-minded misogynists like himself. HuffPost contacted Larson after confirming that his campaign website shared an IP address with these forums, among others. His sites were terminated by their domain host on Tuesday.
“A lot of people are tired of political correctness and being constrained by it,” he said. “People prefer when there’s an outsider who doesn’t have anything to lose and is willing to say what’s on a lot of people’s minds.”

And finally there was this guy from Illinois, who we have previously profiled here. Yes, an actual Illinois Nazi. Where are Jake and Elwood when you need them?

Arthur Jones — an outspoken Holocaust denier, activist anti-Semite and white supremacist — is poised to become the Republican nominee for an Illinois congressional seat representing parts of Chicago and nearby suburbs.

“Well first of all, I’m running for Congress not the chancellor of Germany. All right. To me the Holocaust is what I said it is: It’s an international extortion racket,” Jones told the Chicago Sun-Times.

Indeed, Jones’ website for his latest congressional run includes a section titled “The ‘Holocaust Racket’” where he calls the genocide carried out by the German Nazi regime and collaborators in other nations “the biggest blackest lie in history.”

There you have it. Nazis might actually be running for office in your own backyard. Do everything you can to stop them. Or history might repeat itself. That is it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… clip without context!

Woohoo!!! I hope it comes with a flaming electric guitar player like in Mad Max: Fury Road!

Spin it again! And it lands on… Holy Shit! Hit it!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! I have returned from a journey! One that will test the mind and bend the spirit to our heavenly father’s will! For we were off last week and I decided to take a spiritual journey! To the great state of Kentucky! For there, they have a theme park that you might have heard of. Well it’s essentially a giant boat-shaped zoo. But they call it a “theme park” anyways. I’m of course talking about the theme park in Cincinnati known as the “Ark Encounter”!

Northern Kentucky's Noah's Ark replica attracted one million visitors during its second year of operation, officials said.

Answers in Genesis (AIG), which owns the Ark Encounter and the Creation Museum, reported a 20 percent jump in attendance year over year for the ark.

The structure, literally of Biblical proportions, opened to the public in July 2016 and drew about drew over 1 million visitors to Williamstown during its first year of operation as well. Answers in Genesis initially projected 1.2 million would attend.

By most accounts, the ark draws more visitors than its sister attraction. AIG does not release yearly attendance numbers for the Creation Museum, according to spokeswoman Melany Ethridge, however, organization leaders said in 2016 they were hoping the museum would draw 600,000 that year.

New additions are planned for the Ark Encounter grounds including the Answers Center, more zoo space, restaurants and a children's play area. The center will house a 2,500-seat auditorium and a 36,000-square foot basement with classrooms.

So it’s essentially a theme park with no rides and classrooms! I mean because the last thing anyone wants to do when they travel to a theme park is to sit at a desk. It sounds like the worst theme park ever. I mean my fair congregation, why should they even call it a theme park? Doesn’t that sound like they are lying? In fact they might be!

After not collecting the anticipated amount from a safety assessment fee in 11 months, Williamstown has scaled back its projected revenue in its 2018-19 fiscal year budget.

As of June 20, Williamstown has collected $374,700 on all businesses within city limits that charge admissions with tickets, including the Ark Encounter, Williamstown Family Fun Park and Main Street Gardens.

In fiscal year 2017-18, the city anticipated $715,000 in revenue based on ticket sales projected for the Ark Encounter and other ticket-based businesses in the city.

The Ark brought in $374,295 in its 11 months.

Williamstown still has one more month, June, to collect for this fiscal year. Skinner said June is expected to be the Ark’s best month for attendance.

“Last year, we based out budget figure on attendance at the Ark Encounter at 1,400,000,” said Williamstown Mayor Rick Skinner. “This year, we are more conservative and using 870,000 visitors. We had a very bad winter and a very wet spring, which probably affected attendance in those months.”

Now… that is a good question there! But seriously though I have been trying to contemplate what exactly this thing is supposed to be. Is it a zoo? Is it a Christian… well, anything? I mean no one wants to go to a theme park with classrooms and desks do they? I mean that’s why you go to theme parks!

AIG says Ark Encounter is in the process of a major expansion. Here’s what upgrades in 2018 and 2019 are bringing:

A large 2,500-seat auditorium inside a multi-purpose facility called the Answers Center will open later this year near the ark. The center will include a 36,000-square-foot basement with classrooms and breakout areas.
The impressive Ararat Ridge Zoo behind the ark is doubling in size, to be completed by the summer of 2019. Tibetan yaks, zebras, alpacas, kangaroos, and many other animals have been added since the Ark Encounter opened.
A large new children’s play area is being planned for a spring 2019 opening.
Village Market on the west side of the lake features new food venues and one-of-a-kind retail items for sale, including Fair Trade products. Featured in this village is Oscar’s Store, with unique hand-painted items.
The new Monument Walk entrance to the ark, now open on the east side of the lake, is an instructive area where guests are introduced to major biblical events of Genesis prior to Noah’s Flood. Exotic live birds are also exhibited.
The beautiful Rainbow Gardens are a must-see for guests as they walk to the Ararat Ridge Zoo. In one spot, flowers help recreate the rainbow of Genesis chapter 9 for visitors to view as they sit in covered eating areas.
The huge Emzara’s Buffet restaurant, with 1,500 seats, now features an expanded buffet with many new menu items, drawing raves from guests.

You know that is a good point. Nowhere in the Bible does it really explain what happened after the Great Flood! But it does say it in our Good Book! And I can point out the chapter and verse where it does, good sir! And by the way how great is our gospel choir? Let’s give it up for them! I guess hundreds of years of cleaning up dead animal and human corpses wouldn’t exactly be exciting reading material would it? But of course if you *DARE* question the attendance numbers of the Ark Encounter, guess what? It’s fake news!

Despite costing $100 million and taking tax credits from a nearby town, the Noah’s Ark-themed “Ark Encounter” attraction in Kentucky appeared empty during peak tourist season in a visitor’s video.

Hemant Mehta at The Friendly Atheist reported Monday that a video posted by drone-owning YouTuber Ken Heron shows the nearly-deserted Christian theme park. It was recorded on Sunday, June 3, a time that Mehta noted should be “a day of peak attendance.”

Ken Ham, the Ark Encounter’s creationist founder who once blamed the town housing the theme park for its low attendance numbers, posted about the attraction’s “thousands” of daily visitors on June 6 — but Mehta noted that Heron’s video appears to prove otherwise.

There you have it folks! Questioning the poor attendance numbers of the almighty is questioning the Lord’s work! Mass has ended may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots: Alex Jones
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Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop! Clip without context!

Of course, because with Alex everything is a false flag, right down to the reaction his bowel gave him after eating his dinner last night! Spin it again! And it lands on… Infowars! It’s now time for another edition of:

Alex, Alex, Alex. Really this is why conservatives just plain don’t have a sense of humor. You know this Wednesday was the fourth of July. You know the holiday where you fight traffic to go to your high school’s football stadium to watch a janky fireworks show, while your idiot neighbors practically blow their arms off igniting them at home, because, patriotism. But this July 4th was different – not in the sense that it’s our second year with Donald J Trump as president, but that Alex said this.

Right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has a bold prediction for America's Independence Day on 4 July.

No, it's not that aliens will come down and attempt to blow up the planet like that film starring Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum... we forgot its name.

Instead, he seems to firmly believe that liberals and Democrats will converge upon Washington DC and instigate a civil war.

His 'facts' on the subject seem loose at best, as he points to things like the left-wing media and activists stirring tensions. which he feels will eventually break out in a conflict that will attempt to oust Donald Trump from office.

If you want to sit through his 20-minute speech then please, be our guest.

Uh huh. Sure. Right. Whatever you say, Alex. So here’s the thing – you know the first Civil War didn’t happen overnight. It took years and years and years of planning. With that in mind the internet took to trolling Alex extremely hard, and quite frankly, well deserved, over the fail.

Alex Jones named his website Infowars. Their slogan is, "there's a war on for your mind!" His central, long-running thesis? That he and his conspiracy-believing followers are at war, or on the verge of war, with the "deep state," liberals and the mainstream media.

All that is probably why Jones tweeted the following on July 1:

"BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th."

And yet, because this is 2018, the tweet and accompanying video became a point of conversation, going viral on Twitter among those who believed this statement was an escalation for Jones. It even inspired a satirical hashtag that trended much of Tuesday (July 3) on Twitter.

Yeah Alex looks like the kind of guy who would enjoy a glass of champagne. Although even their champagne looks like water! But this isn’t the first time he’s cried about a Civil War that only exists in his head. And this is Austin, this is Infowars headquarters, their offices are right down the street! But really I was having a great time reading all the trolling going on on the 4th. No, I didn’t shoot any illegal fireworks, I value my limbs too much.

The "second civil war" is off to a fun start.

A baseless claim by InfoWars conspiracy theorist Alex Jones that Democrats will launch a civil war on July 4 has inspired a viral #SecondCivilWarLetters social media movement of users mocking that idea.

#SecondCivilWarLetters became a top trending Twitter topic Wednesday as users wrote imaginary dispatches from what a civil war would look like in 2018.

"Dearest, I am okay. I was almost captured by a curly hair blonde girl with an AR-15. But she was just taking selfies with the gun so I was able to escape," one user in New York City wrote.

Col. Morris Davis, a retired U.S. Air Force officer who served as chief prosecutor for Guantanamo Bay military commissions, chimed in: "Dear Alexa, We are pinned down and in urgent need of ammunition. Please send ASAP ... but only if it qualifies for Amazon Prime's free shipping."

And by the way if you want an example of how *NOT* to troll, just look at Orrin Hatch!


Yeah that was a swing and a miss. Especially coming from a guy who has a long history of striking out!

The "Infowars" host announced that Democrats, in alliance with anti-fascist protesters and billionaire philanthropist and liberal donor George Soros, had been planning to overthrow President Donald Trump since his 2016 presidential election.

"This is it," Jones warned in a livestream that logged nearly three-quarters of a million views. "The globalists see July 4th as their new D-Day against us, and a lot of stuff is going to start then."

Jones claimed to have seen recent indicators that the alleged effort was coming to a head around Independence Day, though he gave no specific reason that a "civil war" or any other potential actions would initiate on the Fourth of July.

The radio personality has a history of incendiary and false rhetoric. In 2016, Jones helped promulgate the fictitious "Pizzagate" conspiracy theory -- which falsely alleged that a child sexual assault ring was being run by figures tied to the Democratic party. He later apologized.

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Pizzagate
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Spin it! And it lands on… Food! Of course I’m in Austin, what better way of getting to know the city better than sampling the local flare? Which of course is barbecue, and we brought in some great local catering. Let’s check it out – I’ve got brisket, sausage, pulled pork, baked beans and potato salad. Wow, good shit!

Man you gotta love smoked meat. Not that kind of smoked meat, sir! Austin you guys are awesome! All right spin it again! And it lands on… Beating A Dead Horse!

You know conservatives, you really got to let this Pizzagate thing go! You already shot up Comet Ping Pong in Washington, DC trying to prove it, and you also got kicked out of the same restaurant videotaping children’s birthday parties in a creepy stalker manner. And you also got to accept that you don’t really care about children, especially if you advocate that they get separated from their parents at the border! The sooner you face your denial, the better! But nope, this bullshit continues to be a thing despite getting called a hoax time and time again. And for the purposes of comedy, all of our funny memes and clips will be replaced with images of pepperoni pizza. Because we care! And Trump loving conservatives apparently get off on that sort of thing.

Larry Klayman, the founder of the right-wing organizations Judicial Watch and Freedom Watch, appeared on a YouTube podcast called “Crowdsource the Truth” this afternoon. The show, hosted by Jason Goodman, is an established outlet for conspiracy theories on YouTube and has published content related to Pizzagate, QAnon and other conspiracy theories that accuse public officials of pedophilia.

Klayman first met on camera with Goodman earlier this year and has become a somewhat frequent guest on Goodman’s program ever since that meeting. Klayman has also appeared as a guest on other conspiracy theory propaganda sites including Infowars and otherwise can be seen with some frequency on Newsmax TV.

Klayman explained to Goodman, “I’m not interested in getting on Fox News. First of all, I can’t say what I want to say on Fox News because it’s censored to some extent. That’s why I like being on with you, and being on Newsmax, and like being on Infowars, because I can say it straight up.”

Yeah sure, right. Keep talking guys – everything you say is worse than what came before it. And this wasn’t the only Pizzagate related story that’s been brought up lately.

Adherents to the “QAnon” conspiracy theory and former “Pizzagate” truthers who have alleged that President Trump is secretly working behind the scenes to dismantle a global network of satanic child sex traffickers believe a new press release from the Department of Justice has validated their wild conspiracy theories.

Yesterday, the Department of Justice issued a press release announcing the arrest of more than 2,300 “suspected online child sex offenders.” The DOJ statement reads:

The Department of Justice today announced the arrest of more than 2,300 suspected online child sex offenders during a three-month, nationwide, operation conducted by Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) task forces. The task forces identified 195 offenders who either produced child pornography or committed child sexual abuse, and 383 children who suffered recent, ongoing, or historical sexual abuse or production of child pornography.

The operation targeted suspects who: (1) produce, distribute, receive and possess child pornography; (2) engage in online enticement of children for sexual purposes; (3) engage in the sex trafficking of children; and (4) travel across state lines or to foreign countries and sexually abuse children.

OK for those you keeping score at home – actual sexual abuse, physical abuse, human trafficking, and child sex crimes committed by ICE, they’re perfectly fine with. But let’s keep investigating those fake child sex crimes that so far have not existed! And then there’s our favorite whack a doodle conspiracy theorist, Liz Cronkin. Who definitely isn’t helping!

On Saturday, “journalist” and fringe right-wing conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin posted a video on YouTube in which she celebrated that President Trump had supposedly confirmed that “Pizzgate is real.”

“Pizzagate” is a right-wing conspiracy theory that alleges that thousands of highly influential politicians, entertainers, and business leaders are part of a global pedophile ring and Crokin asserted that Trump “trolled” the Illuminati by using a Cabinet meeting last month to confirm that the conspiracy theory is actually true.

Proponents of the conspiracy theory allege that members of this massive pedophile ring use code words like “pizza” and “hot dogs” when discussing their pedophilia and Crokin noted that Office of Management & Budget Director Mick Mulvaney had used these very words during a Cabinet meeting while railing against what he sees as overbearing government regulations.

“If you have a cheese pizza, it’s governed by the Food & Drug Administration. If you put a pepperoni on it, it’s governed by the USDA,” Mulvaney said. “The hot dog meat is governed by one; you put it in a bun, it’s governed by the other.”

“What I do love about President Trump is that he trolls the Illuminati and the deep state and the cabal,” Crokin said in reaction to Mulvaney’s statement. “He trolls them with their own words and symbols and it’s hilarious.”

Mulvaney’s use of cheese pizza and hot dogs in his example “was a thousand percent a troll,” Crokin declared. “President Trump and his staffers are constantly trolling the deep state … That’s President Trump’s way of letting you know that Pizzagate is real and it’s not fake. He’s constantly using their words against them and throwing it in their face and God bless him, it’s amazing.”

You know it’s like playing a fucked up game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Except there’s just one degree and Kevin Bacon is a Satanic pedophile! Does that image of cheese pizza turn you on Liz? I had leftover cheese pizza for lunch yesterday, actual cheese pizza. It is not a metaphor, you sick fucking lunatics!! Or is it?

Jack Posobiec, now a contributor at One America News, played a central role in promoting the so-called “Pizzagate” hoax that resulted in a man entering a Washington pizza restaurant and firing a gun as part of a supposed rescue mission of children whom he had been convinced were hidden beneath the building. Now, Posobiec is trying to rewrite history.

Pizzagate was a hoax that captured the imaginations of right-wing conspiracy mongers online toward at the end of the 2016 election. Proprietors of Pizzagate cited a hodgepodge of hacked John Podesta emails, screenshots of the restaurant’s menu, Instagram posts by the owner, and other random bits to build up the laughably untrue claim that Hillary Clinton and top members of the DNC were sex-trafficking children via an elaborate tunnel system beneath Washington. The conspiracy theory was spread by figures like self-described “New Right” pundit Mike Cernovich, Infowars’ Alex Jones, pedophilia-obsessed conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin, far-right YouTuber Brittany Pettibone, Posobiec and various anonymous users inhabiting the culverts on 4Chan and 8Chan.

In the last couple of weeks, Posobiec has been claiming with increased frequency that he actually “debunked” Pizzagate. He’s now declaring that Pizzagate was a hoax (which is obviously correct) and has accused former Fox News host Megyn Kelly of lying about his role in spreading the conspiracy during a Fox News segment. Posobiec has made his debunking claims for months, but something seems to have inspired him to restate his claims in recent weeks. These recent reiterations have earned him the ire of pundits like Crokin, who still believe the hoax.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Clip without context!

You know Dave, you should never fall asleep watching reruns of True Blood. That will screw with your head. Spin it again! People Are Dumb! Hit it!

So of course by now you know that people are people and people are dumb. So who’s dumb this week I ask you? And I answer you: a whole lot of stupid fucking people, Austin! And hey give it up for our sound guy Bryan! So this week I want to start with this story out of where else but our favorite state of Florida! So apparently the reason Florida man gets arrested all the time is because apparently he *LOVES* getting arrested all the time!

A Florida man who tussled with a cop trying to arrest him for disorderly conduct later said that he "really enjoyed resisting" because it was like being on “Live PD,” a cable program that chronicles the mayhem police officers encounter on the night shift.

A patrolman was dispatched yesterday to a home in Sebastian, a city near Vero Beach, after a 911 caller reported that a man wielding a golf club was chasing a woman.

When an officer arrived on the scene, he encountered Rudolph Grant, 53, who smelled of booze and was screaming and cursing in front of the residence. After trying to walk away, Grant struggled as the cop sought to handcuff him, according to an arrest affidavit. Grant, the cop noted, tried to pull away from him, "tensed his arms with an attempt to get away from me," and finally “made his body go limp.”

Due to his “erratic behavior,” Grant was subsequently placed in “mechanical restraints that were double-locked.”

I love that scene! Next up – apparently people aren’t just the only dumb species out there – animals are dumb too! Now let me explain – this happened in Australia, there were gay swans involved, and the “infant” they thought they were protecting wasn’t an infant at all!

A pair of swans in Austria have been forcibly removed from the lake they called home after a series of violent, escalating attacks to defend their nest from intrusive humans. The twist in this case is the swans weren't biological parents, but appear to have been two gay male swans who had formed an inseparable bond – and the nest they were protecting didn't actually contain eggs or cygnets, but at least one colourful plastic cup.

That minor technical point didn't seem to matter too much to the doting dad and dad, though, who treated the responsibility of protecting their plastic proxy with dangerous, almost deadly seriousness.

Last summer, the pair were known to approach people and boats and display aggressive gestures, but this year the attacks "reached a new dimension", according to the mayor of Grundlsee, Franz Steinegger, in the Austrian state of Styria.

"They have thrown themselves on the swimmers, trying to submerge them," Steinegger told Kleine Zeitung. "That was the biggest danger."

My daughter lives in Europe and this is apparently a big story there. The 2 male swans were moved to a more remote lake where they can stay together.

SWAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next up – one of our favorite sources of stupid people – Flat Earthers. Yes, the organization that literally welcomes people from *AROUND* the globe to discuss why the Earth is flat. I mean you can’t make this shit up!

That’s real. That happened. So why are they back in the news this week? Well for a rather bizarre theory! Because of course!

As the New Zealand Herald points out, some Flat Earthers think the massive continent down under doesn’t exist. But what about those lovely Australians we all know and love? Actors, all of them. Who’s paying for this massive fraud? Why, NASA of course.

According to those who’ve done a little digging, the theory first originated in a Flat Earth Society internet forum back in 2006, but found new life in a now-deleted Facebook post by a woman named Shelley Floryd back in 2017

A summary of the theory is as follows: The concept of Australia was created by the British government as a cover-up for a genocide. The Brits allegedly shipped over 160,000 criminals into the middle of the ocean during the 18th Century and intentionally drowned them.


Just contemplate that one for a minute! Next up – OK we get that gas is fucking expensive these days but you also got to remember that this is America! No free handouts, damn it!

GILLETTE, WYOMING — A Montana man led law enforcement officers on a 48-mile chase Sunday evening after threatening to kill everyone near the Skyline Drive Kum & Go if he didn’t receive free gas, Undersheriff Quentin Reynolds said.

Paul Posey, 68, called 911 at about 8:40 p.m. and declared his plans. Police then responded to the Kum & Go where they told Posey to stop, Police Lt. Brent Wasson said. Posey sped off in a Toyota Tundra, and police and sheriff’s officers pursued him south on Highway 50.

After driving through a fence at Concho Valley Estates, Posey continued south, reaching speeds of 100 mph, Reynolds said.

Sheriff’s deputies deployed spike strips near Moore Road, and Posey came to a stop with all four of his tires deflated. When officers told him to get out of his truck, Posey reportedly took off, traveling 3 miles before deputies forced him to turn sideways and drive off the road.

Deputies then arrested Posey on suspicion of terroristic threats, a felony, as well as on suspicion of four misdemeanors: not having insurance, failure to stop at the scene of a crash, eluding officers and reckless driving, Reynolds said.


Yeah I can imagine it kind of went like that. Finally this week we go to Wisconsin – some might call it the Florida of the North, or others might say Florida’s cousin was visiting for the weekend. But one thing is for sure – ladies, if you travel, there’s one place where you probably shouldn’t hide anything!

J ULY 6--A Wisconsin woman had a literal grab bag of illegal narcotics--cocaine, methamphetamine, marijuana, Ecstasy, and synthetic pot--hidden inside her body when police arrested her following a recent traffic stop, court records show.

Acting on a tip, police pulled over a 1997 Monte Carlo being driven by Desiree Webster, 20, who was accompanied in the vehicle by Jaral McCollum, a 39-year-old convicted drug dealer. Investigators had been told that McCollum would “travel with females and have them conceal the contraband inside their body.”

After Webster refused to cooperate with a strip search, she was taken to a local health care facility where a CT scan revealed a “baggie type mass” in her pelvic area. Webster eventually removed what cops described as a “plastic baggie about the size of a fist from her vagina.”

The baggie contained three other baggies that held cocaine, meth, Ecstasy pills, marijuana, and synthetic cannabinoids. A white powder weighing 1.52 grams was also found, but police “couldn’t get a positive field test on this substance.”

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 4: The White House Press Corps
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Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week! And it lands on… T-shirt cannon!!! Of course for comedy purposes our t-shirt cannon has been upgraded to a t-shirt gattling gun!

Spin it again! And it’s time for Deep State Diaries!

It’s time for episode 4 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]White House Press Corps[/font]

The White House Press Corps is one of America’s oldest and most unique institutions. See, any time the president makes a major policy decision, or something happens in the news that involves the president, the White House Press Corps will be there to present the news to the people who present the news. So think of it as News-ception – it’s a newsroom within a newsroom within a newsroom. Where does it begin and where does it end? But the last year has been I don’t want to say different as much as run differently by the leader and woman whose curtains are most likely covered in cat hair, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Let’s delve into this institution and what they are up to.

The relationship between the White House and the reporters covering it has grown more tense than at any point in the last 50 years, according to White House press corps dean Tom DeFrank, who began covering Washington in the Johnson administration.

This week marked a new low, he said.

“There’s not a lot of good will,” said DeFrank, a contributing editor at National Journal, who also spent years at Newsweek and the New York Daily News. “I think basically they have no use for us and, for the media’s part, there’s a feeling that we’ve been misled for a long time on many different subjects. I know a little bit about adversarial relationships and it will always be an adversarial relationship and it should be, but this relationship is more adversarial than any I can remember.”

Tension has been growing for weeks between the White House and reporters. In addition to President Donald Trump’s usual attacks on the press, briefings have grown less frequent—there have been just four in June—and shorter, often running 15-20 minutes, when in previous administrations, they could stretch over an hour. And Trump, along with his top officials, including press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, have grown increasingly brazen in peddling falsehoods—particularly about the administration’s policy of separating immigrant children from their parents at the border.

To which I think it’s safe to say every week since this administration took over has been a new low for this country. So how low does it go?

Beck Dorey-Stein found the job on Craigslist, and nearly blew it off before she rescheduled. When she did, the recruiter revealed a few more details: “For transparency’s sake, I wanted to let you know this is a job at the White House, and you’d be traveling with the president on his domestic and international trips. Let me know if this changes things.”

From the Corner of the Oval, which will be published on July 10 from Random House’s Spiegel & Grau imprint, tracks Dorey-Stein’s time in the Obama White House, traveling on Air Force One, recording and transcribing the press conferences after major meetings between the president and world leaders, and even exercising next to Obama—“I slow to a stop,” Dorey-Stein writes, “and out of the corner of my eye, I see someone step onto the treadmill to my right. ‘I thought you’d be faster than that,’ he says. I look over to see who this joker is. It’s the president.”

So apparently the system is so broken that you can apply for a job at the WHCP by Craigslist. Because all legitimate things happen on Craigslist. Gee, I wonder who broke it? Well we can’t point fingers here or anything.

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump gives few news conferences, and when one came Friday it was sudden, unexpected and chaotic.

After making a surprise visit to the White House lawn for a half-hour interview with “Fox & Friends” host Steve Doocy, Trump took 20 minutes of questions from a boisterous group of White House reporters. It was televised live on cable news.

Trump's remarks — about North Korea, his zero tolerance immigration policy, the investigation into his campaign's ties with Russia — offered enough fodder for television talkers to chew over all day and into the weekend. No one had any idea it was going to happen an hour before the president emerged.

Doocy, typically New York-based, was in Washington this week to cover the congressional baseball game. He stayed over to help anchor Trump's favorite morning show from the area on the White House grounds where television reporters usually congregate for live shots. No guests were expected; the White House offered a trade representative and Fox turned them down.

You know just once I want to see a conference where the news says “Trump gave a press conference today. Nothing of note happened.”. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is.

The White House press room hasn’t seen a briefing since Monday, but members of the press corps are still showing up to the empty room.

The White House has cancelled its press briefings for four days straight, CNN’s chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta wrote in a tweet on Friday afternoon.

“For the fourth straight day there was no WH briefing. No officials to explain how the admin plans to return the separated kids to their parents. This is how the briefing room looks.. a few reporters waiting for answers that aren’t coming yet,” Acosta wrote.

He included a picture of the briefing room, showing several reporters waiting inside, despite the absence of White House communications officials.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: B
How Things Are Going: F
Likely hood To Survive: C

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to take a look at how our meat is processed (no that’s not a metaphor you perverts!) and visit the USDA!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]The Interrupters[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great punk / ska band from Los Angeles that just released a new album called “Fight The Good Fight”. You can see them on the Vans Warped Tour through August 4th. Playing their song “She’s Kerosene”, give it up for The Interrupters!

Austin, I love ya, you were amazing! I want to thank our gracious hosts at the Cap City Comedy Club for making this happen! We’ll be back soon! We’re off to New Orleans next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Cap City Comedy Club, Austin, Texas
Special Thanks To: Cap City Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
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Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Research: Top 10 Research Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
The Interrupters Appear Courtesy Of: Epitaph Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

Posted by Top 10 Idiots | Wed Jul 11, 2018, 05:28 PM (0 replies)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of: Civility Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of: Civility Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! The Top 10 is dark this week because of the July 4th holiday so in its’ place we’re going to be running this best of from some of the previous editions, because we have some great stuff, and conservatives are acting stupider and stupider by the day! So just like the previous Top 10 best ofs, we’re going to post verbatim the best of the best. I also have some exciting news too is that we’re going to take our show on the road and do some live editions starting with our July 11th edition when we’ll be hanging out at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas with the Wheel Of Corruption! And then we’ll be going to New Orleans, Kansas City, Chicago, New York City, and then back to Seattle and San Jose, and a stop at the LOL Comedy Fest in Santa Barbara, and then back home at the UCB Theater. But we will also be taking it out to Washington DC, Virginia, and we’ll have some southern dates in the future. If you want to know the tour schedule, here it is:

- Edition #5-4: July 11th: Cap City Comedy Club, Austin, TX (Wheel Of Corruption!)
- Edition #5-5: July 17th: Café Istanbul, New Orleans, LA
- Edition #5-6: July 25th: Alamo Drafthouse, Kansas City, KS
- Edition #5-7: August 1st: Helium Comedy Club, St. Louis, MO
- Edition #5-8: August 8th: Grammercy Theater, New York City, NY (Wheel Of Corruption!)
- August 15th: Dark (Vacation)
- Edition #5-9: August 22nd: Redford Theater, Detroit, MI
- Edition #5-10: August 29th: Acme Comedy Club, Minneapolis, MN
- Edition #5-11: September 5th: Comedy Underground, Seattle, WA (Wheel Of Corruption!)
- Edition #5-12: September 12th: San Jose Improv, San Jose, CA
- Edition #5-13: September 19th: Levity Live, Oxnard, CA
- Edition #5-14: September 25th: UCB Theater, Hollywood
- Edition #5-15: October 3rd: UCB Theater, Hollywood (Wheel Of Corruption!)
- Edition #5-16: October 10th : UCB Theater, Hollywood
- Edition #5-17: October 17th: Laugh Boston, Boston, MA
- Edition #5-18: October 25th: Punch Line Philly, Philadelphia, PA
- Edition #5-19: October 31st: Zanies Comedy Club, Nashville, TN (Wheel Of Corruption - Halloween special!)
- Edition #5-20: November 7th: Orlando Improv, Orlando, FL
- Edition #5-21: November 14th: Comedy Works, Denver, CO
- Edition #5-22: November 21st: American Comedy Club, San Diego, CA (Wheel Of Corruption!)
- November 28th: Dark (Thanksgiving)
- Edition #5-23: December 5th: UCB Theater, Hollywood
- Edition #5-24: December 12th: 99 Club Leicester Square, London, UK
- Edition #5-25: December 19th: UCB Theater, Hollywood (Season finale, Year In Review Special)

Don’t worry east coast and south – we will get to you soon! So enjoy this best of for July 4th as we put together the best of the best, or maybe the worst of the worst, of the Idiots lists for the past several editions. OK enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he delves into the unexplored world of eugenics and gene splicing. I mean they must have seen Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, am I right?

So where do we begin for the Civility Edition? In the first slot from Idiots #4-18 we are going to talk about how we came this close to getting raptured when Donald Trump (1) opened the new US embassy in Jerusalem to fiery, grisly deaths. In the second slot, from Idiots #4-19, in the “too soon” column, after yet another terrifying mass shooting in Santa Fe, Texas, we’re going to tell you about the jaw dropping, stunningly stupid solutions coming from Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick (2) about how to end mass shootings once and for all. In the third slot, from Idiots #4-14, Trump’s got the worst attorneys when it is revealed that Michael Cohen (3) squealed that his mystery 3rd client is none other than Fox News giant Sean Hannity. In the fourth slot from Idiots #4- 15, the guy who we call president, Donald J. Trump (4) attempted to combine his two favorite hobbies – golf and angry toilet tweeting – while Melania was at Barbara Bush’s funeral. In the fifth slot is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and from Idiots #4-16, we’re going to investigate an insanely terrifying cult called “NXIVM” (5) made famous by Smallville actress Allison Mack. At number 6, from Idiots 4-17, is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6) and this week our resident pastor is going to take a look at all of the wacky survival products being offered by Jim Bakker. At number 7, from Idiots #5-1, is “Beating A Dead Horse” and this time we’re going to talk about how conservatives are getting banned from their favorite social media sites for being conservative, or are they? At number 8, from Idiots #4-19. Alex Jones (8) is planning to take Infowars 24/7. You think he’s mad on a 4 hour a day cycle? Wait until you see him on a 24 hour a day cycle! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot from Idiots #4-16 is an installment of “People Are Dumb” which includes a preacher picking the wrong place to preach in public, a guy channeling his inner Walter White, and a visit from Florida Man! And we end this best of with a revisit to our Stupidest State contest from Idiots #4-9 when we brought out our Selection Sunday complete with all the teams, stats, odds and info you need to fill out your bracket! And we’ll end with the time we recently had Imagine Dragons on the show. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

From: Idiots # 4-18

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna get raptured! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Woooooooooooooo! Woooo! Woo. Ok maybe it’s not at all as exciting as it’s made out to be since a whole lot of us are probably gonna die in a nuclear holocaust, and relatively soon. At least the doomsday preppers can say “I told you so!”. Followed by a very childish “neener neener!”. So for the sake of this piece, let’s call it “Left Behind: The Real Life Interactive Version”. Or to use something that might be more popular with the kids these days: “Left Behind: Infinity War”. Yes I’m crossing two franchises here – one has a really bizarre doomsday scenario in which half of the population gets snapped up by a crazy wannnabe god bent on controlling the universe, and the other one has Iron Man.

See you next week! What? We still have the full hour left? And Post Malone is backstage? OK. I definitely wouldn’t want to leave Post Malone hanging. So how are we going to get left behind this week?

The US officially relocated its Embassy to Jerusalem on Monday, formally upending decades of American foreign policy in a move that was met with clashes and protests along the Israeli-Gaza border.

At least 43 Palestinians were killed in Gaza as deadly protests took place ahead of and during the ceremony in Jerusalem — making it the deadliest day there since the 2014 Gaza war.

President Donald Trump did not attend the ceremony in Jerusalem's Arnona neighborhood, but in a video message broadcast at the event he congratulated Israel, saying the opening had been "a long time coming."

"Today, Jerusalem is the seam of Israel's government. It is the home of the Israeli legislature and the Israeli supreme court and Israel's prime minister and president. Israel is a sovereign nation with the right like every other sovereign nation to determine its own capital, yet for many years, we failed to acknowledge the obvious, the plain reality that Israel's capital is Jerusalem," Trump said in the pre-recorded remarks.

It’s good to know that today’s lunatic fringe Christians plan to create a literal version of hell on earth! I will take that one, thank you! So this weekend – the week after the Kentucky Derby – Trump managed to create a trifecta of pissing off three countries at once! And those countries are Isreal, Syria, and Palestine – countries whose bad side you do not want to get on! So how did Palestine mark this momentous occasion?

The US officially relocated its Embassy to Jerusalem on Monday, formally upending decades of American foreign policy in a move that was met with clashes and protests along the Israeli-Gaza border.

At least 43 Palestinians were killed in Gaza as deadly protests took place ahead of and during the ceremony in Jerusalem — making it the deadliest day there since the 2014 Gaza war.

President Donald Trump did not attend the ceremony in Jerusalem's Arnona neighborhood, but in a video message broadcast at the event he congratulated Israel, saying the opening had been "a long time coming."

So of course while patting himself on the back for a job well done of pissing off half the world while pleasing his “base”, Donald Trump seems to forget that he’s going to get a whole lot of people killed in the process. There goes that Nobel Peace Prize!

Israel is bracing for a tense week as the U.S. Embassy officially opens in Jerusalem on Monday — a move that has triggered fierce protests by Palestinians. Protests turned violent in Gaza, where dozens of Palestinians were killed by Israeli soldiers in clashes along the border fence on Monday, according to the Health Ministry in Gaza, making it the bloodiest day of demonstrations in the past six weeks of protests.

Overall, over 80 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli soldiers and more than 3,000 have been injured since the embassy move was announced by President Trump in early December.

Observers of the conflict had already predicted the tensions when Trump recognized Jerusalem as Israel’s capital and announced the move. At the time, the decision was branded “dangerous,” “catastrophic,” “irresponsible” and being “against international law” by countries usually considered U.S. allies, including France, Germany and Saudi Arabia.

Here’s a short recap of how we got to this point, which helps make clear why most other foreign governments are opposed to the embassy move.

You know it’s a policy here not to joke about tragedy. But when the guy who you currently call “president” is a walking tragedy and everything he touches turns to shit, exceptions have to be made, damn it! It’s good to know Trump has some company in high places because when the rapture does happen, he’s going to need to seek shelter fast!

The U.S. today officially opened its new embassy in Jerusalem amid massive protests by Palestinians.

The move comes five months after President Donald Trump made his blockbuster announcement in December that the U.S. embassy would shift from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

The new diplomatic office, in what was an existing U.S. consular building, was opened in a ceremony led by U.S. Ambassador to Israel David Friedman and attended by Israeli and American officials.

The day has also been marked by violence, with dozens of Palestinians killed by Israeli military forces and more than 1,600 injured in protests at the Gaza border against the embassy move, according to the Gaza Ministry of Health.


And those men are currently running the show! And when this gets written up 50 years after nuclear Armageddon happens, assuming there’s something left of humanity, historians are not going to be surprised how we get to this point. I mean with friends like these, who needs enemies?

President Trump delivered recorded remarks Monday at the opening of the new U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.

"Congratulations, it's been a long time coming," Trump said in a video played at the ceremony.

"This city and this entire nation is a testament to the unbreakable spirit of the Jewish people," he said. "The United States will always be a great friend of Israel."

The president went on to express his hope for peace in the region in the video message.

"We extend a hand in friendship to Israel, to Palestinians and to all of their neighbors. May there be peace. May God bless this embassy. May God bless all who serve there, and may God bless the United States of America," Trump said.

So the answer to world peace is… more war? How does that… oh fuck, it’s the Trump administration we’re talking about here! Attempting to question their logic could make one’s head explode! But it’s good to know those who fantasize about the apocalypse might actually get a chance to see it played out in real life. They do know Left Behind is fiction, right?

More than 20 people in Gaza were dead on Monday before anyone in Washington had had their breakfast. This was pitched to the awakening nation as a series of “deadly clashes,” even though the deadly part only applied to one side. It was a great start to a day in which the president*, who doesn’t know anything about anything, prepared to toss a lighted match into a lagoon of gasoline in the Middle East.

The decision to move the American embassy in Israel to Jerusalem is more unnecessary than it is stupid and dangerous, and it’s pretty stupid and dangerous. There was no overwhelming political support—and certainly no overwhelming political pressure—in this country for such a provocative development. It was solely the desire of that odd mixture of highly conservative Judaism and American splinter Protestantism, of the prolonged slow-dance between the apocalyptic factions of two major monotheisms that very likely will incite the apocalyptic faction of the third. It is religious extremism disguised as international diplomacy.

From: Idiots #4-19

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[font size="8"]Dan Patrick
[br] [/font]

One guy who clearly isn’t helping is the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick. So Houston is his district, and he offered some of the most asinine suggestions on what we can do to end this madness once and for all. No, he didn’t propose firearm control. No, he didn’t propose that any kind of restrictions on firearm sales or anything that might you know, save lives. What he did propose was one of the most asinine suggestions yet.

In addition to the "thoughts and prayers" pro-gun politicians dependably trot out after a mass shooting, there's usually a wealth of ass-backward logic to explain why guns shouldn't receive any blame for the bloodshed.

In the wake of this morning's Santa Fe High School shooting, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick wasted no time with the contortions.

Within hours, the Republican was at a press conference ruminating on how to stop future school shootings. Apparently, limiting access to guns isn't one of the options on the table, but redesigning thousands of Texas schools sure as hell is.

“We may have to look at the design of our schools moving forward, and retrofitting schools that are already built, and what I mean by that is there are too many entrances and too many exits to our over 8,000 campuses in Texas," he said.

"We’re going to have to be creative," he added.

Too many exits? Here’s the thing – Dan, you know what also devalues life? Guns. Thank you! And it’s bad enough that the NRA has made us sitting ducks, let’s arm teachers, close off all the exits, and appoint wannabe Rambos as hall monitors! What a great idea! Doing something creative might be, I don’t know, actually doing your job and protecting the people who elected you! Thank you! And that wasn’t all – Dan actually made things worse by blaming everything but the gun!

The Texas lieutenant governor, speaking two days after 10 people were killed in a school shooting in his state, said abortion, divorce and violent video games and movies show that 'we have devalued life,' which he pointed to as a cause of school shootings.

Republican Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick told ABC News Chief Anchor George Stephanopoulos on "This Week" Sunday, "We have devalued life, whether it's through abortion, whether it's the breakup of families, through violent movies, and particularly violent video games."

Patrick continued, "Psychologists and psychiatrists will tell you that students are desensitized to violence, may have lost empathy for their victims by watching hours and hours of video violent games.”

He said, “the problem is multifaceted. It's not any one issue. But we, again, we have to look at our culture of violence, just our violent society, our Facebook, our Twitter, the bullying of adults on adults, and children on children. We have to look at ourselves, George, it's not about the guns, it's about us.”

And we’re still not done yet! Guess what NRA approved talking point surfaced last week courtesy of Mr. Patrick? Yup you guessed it! Let’s arm teachers! And we wonder why the rest of the world is laughing at us!

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick (R) responded Sunday to the high school shooting in Santa Fe, Texas by pushing for arming teachers and reducing school entrances.

In an interview with CNN, the well-known conservative made the case for arming teachers saying, “We need armed teachers, trained how to handle active shooters.” He continued, “We need to get down to one or two entrances into our schools.”

Patrick visited injured students Friday with Governor Abbott and Senator Cruz where students and parents told them that their teachers needed to be armed. Patrick used the example of a former Marine teacher who could only lock the door in defense of students. He said, “some feel had he been able to carry a gun, he may have been able to stop that shooter.”

In an ABC interview, the Lt. Governor referenced the Second Amendment saying, “Our teachers are part of that well-run militia.” He added, “It’s guns that also stop crimes.”

The former State Senator argued that the plague of school shooters isn’t just about guns, “it’s about us”.

So it’s bad enough that bullets are coming from one direction, let’s arm the teachers and have armed hall monitors patrolling the hallways of our schools. Remember when Bush famously asked the question “Is our children learning”? Uh no they are getting shot at. And our elected officials – especially in Texas – aren’t helping things. If you think what Dan Patrick is proposing is certifiably insane, wait until you see what his boss is suggesting! Think the TSA but worse!

One of the most obvious changes that Texas can bring about is to improve school safety, Abbott said, noting that many in Santa Fe had asked him for that. After laying flowers at the high school on Sunday, the governor spoke about metal detectors and screening students for mental health problems.

Abbott said schools should consider screening students' social media accounts for threats or troubling behavior.

"We need to do that," he said, adding that Dimitrios Pagourtzis, the suspect in the Santa Fe shooting, had pictures on his Facebook page of a T-shirt that read, "Born to kill."

Abbott said Friday that he'd been planning to roll out several proposals for new gun laws in Texas before the shooting, including "speeding up background checks" and keeping guns away from people "who pose immediate danger."

From: Idiots #4-14

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[font size="8"]Michael Cohen
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When your attorney is a crook, how are you going to get out of this mess? I mean you know your situation is fucked when your attorneys have their own attorneys. Last week I called this phenomenon “attorney-ception”. It’s a trial within a trial within a trial. Well this week the concept of that was taken to insane new levels.

Michael Cohen, longtime personal attorney for President Donald Trump, on Monday showed up at U.S. District Court in lower Manhattan after skipping an initial Friday hearing.

Cohen is asking Judge Kimba Wood to bar prosecutors from getting the first look at client files seized from him by the FBI last week. A lawyer for the president, Joanna Hendon, on Sunday filed a motion asking the judge to grant the president the privilege of reviewing the documents first.

The hearings follow the April 9 raids, in which federal agents seized materials from Cohen's office, home, hotel room and electronic devices.

Both Cohen and Trump argue that they should be allowed to decide which of the documents should be permanently withheld because they are protected by attorney-client privilege.

U.S. attorneys pushed back against Cohen's request in a filing Friday, saying that "Cohen is in fact performing little to no legal work," and alleging that "zero" emails were exchanged between Cohen and Trump. Their assessment was based on already conducted searches of Cohen's email accounts which had not been reported before the court filing.

Seriously! Now Trump’s lawyers are appearing with Trump’s porn stars! I mean is there anyone who they aren’t in bed with? Both literally and figuratively? Oh but here’s my favorite part – he’s complaining about privacy! Cue the world’s tiniest violin!

President Trump’s personal lawyer said he is worried about the confidentiality of roughly three clients since he branched off from the Trump Organization in 2017 — including the president and beleaguered RNC fundraiser Elliott Broidy.

Michael Cohen, who is under investigation by Manhattan federal prosecutors and the FBI, made the disclosures in a filing Monday morning as part of his bid to block the feds from reviewing documents that might be protected by attorney-client privilege.

On Friday, Broidy, a Trump fundraiser, stepped down from his Republican National Committee post after he admitted that Cohen arranged $1.6 million in hush money to a former Playboy model whom the donor had impregnated.

“It is unfortunate that this personal matter between two consenting adults is the subject of national discussion just because of Michael Cohen’s involvement,” Broidy said in a statement.

Cohen declined to name the third client, saying that person has requested his name not be made public.

Dude, seriously, Mr. Cohen, you work for the Donald Trump administration. Your privacy rights went bye bye when you signed up! But this week Cohen named 2 of his 3 ultra-prestigious clients – Donald J. Trump and GOP fundraiser Elliot Brody. Can anyone guess who the third is? Anyone? Well here’s who is behind door #3!

The legal battle over federal investigators' raids on President Donald Trump's personal lawyer Michael Cohen took an unexpected turn Monday as an attorney identified Fox News host Sean Hannity as one of Cohen's legal clients.

Cohen's attorneys had acknowledged publicly that he represented Trump and former Republican National Committee deputy finance chair Elliott Broidy in legal matters, but they had sought to avoid naming a third client. Under direct orders from a judge, Cohen's attorney Stephen Ryan named Hannity as the client in court on Monday.

The revelation came amid an extraordinary showdown between a sitting president and his own Justice Department over access to files seized in the raids on Cohen's home and office last week and over whether the materials are protected by attorney-client privilege. Hannity's connection to Cohen was revealed after the conservative commentator — one of Trump's staunchest defenders — fiercely criticized federal officials for the raids, without disclosing his own connection.

Even before the surprise disclosure about Hannity, the afternoon hearing before U.S. District Court Judge Kimba Wood was a spectacle. Cohen came under scrutiny after he acknowledged paying $130,000 to porn actress Stormy Daniels shortly before the 2016 election so she would keep quiet about an alleged sexual encounter with Trump. The Wall Street Journal reported last week that Cohen also negotiated a deal in 2017 to pay $1.6 million to a woman who said Broidy impregnated her.

Come on, even Larry David is playing you off, Sean! And yeah sure you can define “representation” all you want because that’s what the GOP does – they just make shit up as they go along! But hey I’m at least surprised that you found a real estate attorney who’s willing to give you advice for $10. That’s a bargain!

Sean Hannity used his radio program to deliver his first personal statement after being outed as the mysterious client Michael Cohen legally advised in 2017.

Cohen was trying to keep Hannity’s name off of public record during his court hearing today, but he was forced to identify his third client after the judge told him there wasn’t sufficient legal ground for the patron to retain his anonymity. When reporters reached out to Hannity before the start of his radio show, his initial response was “We have been friends a long time. I have sought legal advice from Michael.”

On Hannity’s radio show, he remarked how “very strange” it was to see the coverage from Fox News in light of the bombshell about their own anchor.

From: Idiots #4-15

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Since Trump is only taking up one entry this week we have to squeeze as much out of it as we can but before we get into the meat of this entry I have to bring up one story that caught our attention over the weekend. Remember a couple of weeks ago when Trump called Jeff Sessions “Mr. Magoo” at a closed door meeting? Well, just like Alex Jones, it turns out that he didn’t say that thing that everyone knows that he said.

President Donald Trump is denying he ever called Attorney General Jeff Sessions "Mr. Magoo," saying he knows nothing about the bumbling cartoon character.

In a weekend tweet, the president said the Washington Post story referring to the "Mr. Magoo" comment was nothing but "fake" news. Trump also denies calling Deputy Attorney General Jay Rosenstein "Mr. Peepers," a reference to a television characters from the 1950s.

The Washington Post reported in February on the "Mr. Magoo" nickname for Sessions, a one-time Trump ally turned frequent target of presidential criticism.


Fake news! You know what sir? Don’t give my regards to Mr. Magoo! Now let’s get into what I originally wanted to talk about - past presidents – let’s talk about them! Remember when we used to have a respectable leader that we could get behind? Yeah I miss those times. Even the republicans used to elect presidents who at one point or another, were respectable. But in 2016 all of those rules got thrown out the window. So you might be wondering where I’m going with this – take a look at our current president. He’s not even welcome at state funerals!

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump will not attend Saturday's funeral service for former first lady Barbara Bush, the White House said in a statement Thursday, citing the desire to "avoid disruptions" and out of respect for her family and friends.

"First Lady Melania Trump will attend the memorial service for Barbara Bush this Saturday on behalf of the First Family. To avoid disruptions due to added security, and out of respect for the Bush Family and friends attending the service, President Trump will not attend," the White House said in a statement.

President Trump offered his condolences to the Bush family Wednesday as he began remarks at a joint news conference with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.
Barbara Bush, Trump said, was a "wonderful, wonderful person" and "a titan in American life."

"Her strength and toughness really embodied the spirit of our country," Trump said at Mar-a-Lago. "She was a woman of proud patriotism and profound faith."

Yes – stay classy, Trump! So we went from a president who actually attends state funerals to one who live tweets them! Talk about a huge drop off in quality. So what did Trump do when Melania was at Barbara Bush’s funeral? Only his favorite hobby. Which he’s not very good at.

Sometimes a picture is worth a zillion words. The viral group photograph from former first lady Barbara Bush’s funeral speaks volumes about the state of our democracy, poignantly illustrating what we have lost and must at all costs regain.

George H.W. Bush is front and center in his wheelchair. Behind him, left to right, we see Laura and George W. Bush, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Barack and Michelle Obama, and Melania Trump. It is an extraordinary portrait of power, continuity, legacy, civility and mutual respect — a remarkable tableau that is made possible only by President Trump’s absence. Imagine him in the picture, puffed-up and no doubt scowling, trying desperately to make himself the center of attention. It’s a good thing he decided to spend the weekend playing golf and writing angry tweets at Mar-a-Lago instead.

I can’t look at that photo without pondering how destructive Trump has been — and how much work and goodwill it will take to put the pieces together again after he’s gone.

The elder Bush pursued conservative policies. Clinton was center-left. The younger Bush took the country back to the right. Obama pulled it to the left. These shifts seemed big and important at the time, but they pale in comparison with the disruption Trump has wrought.

But then Trump followed that up with his second favorite hobby – which he is good at – live tweeting! I mean come on, you got to admit he is good at that. Only Donald J. Trump can topple whole governments with a single tweet, like a really fucked up Superman!

Personalities on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Monday criticized President Trump for tweeting on Saturday during the funeral for former first lady Barbara Bush.

Co-host Mika Brzezinski called Trump’s tweets “especially insulting to the United States of America” on a day “the world said goodbye to Barbara Bush.”

Panelist Mike Barnicle referenced a photo that went viral after the funeral showing current first lady Melania Trump; former Presidents George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama; and former first ladies Hillary Clinton, Laura Bush and Michelle Obama.

“It’s a reminder of who we used to be as a government and as people who participated in politics,” Barnicle said.

Oh come on Joe! You’re just now realizing how bad Trump’s tweets are? There are lists out there compiling everything he’s insulted since he joined in 2009. And Trump insults your show while insulting whatever they talked about on Fox News! His insults are like fine wines – you have to let them ferment to get the most enjoyment out of them. But yeah even at Trump’s funeral, he was still outclassed by the last guy!

A lot has been said in regard to the chemistry between US President Donald Trump and his wife Melania Trump. On numerous occasions, the FLOTUS was said to have looked ‘not happy’ with her husband and it became a talk of the Twitterverse. From swatting away his hands in public and awkward handshakes, to him leaving her during the inaugural dance alone to wave at the crowd — Twitterati haven’t missed a thing. So, naturally, when on Saturday, they spotted the FLOTUS sitting alongside Barack Obama and smiling — it got everyone talking.

The Obamas, Clintons along with the Bush family and Melania Trump attended the funeral of Barbara Bush in Houston, Texas. Although a solemn service, during the event, she was seen engaging in a conversation with Barack Obama and Tweeple ruled, “it’s the happiest they have ever seen her”.

Former US first lady Barbara Bush, the wife of former President George HW Bush, passed away at age 92 on Tuesday (April 17). Although FLOTUS attended the ceremony, POTUS Trump gave it a miss, to ‘avoid disruptions’.

From: Idiots #4-16
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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Cults Of Personality
[br] [/font]

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates:

Cults. They are generally a faux pas not talked about in normal society except when they surface in the news. The last time a cult made the news? 2001 – Heaven’s Gate, and before that 1992 – the Branch Davidians led by David Koresh. None of these however hold a candle to the NXIVM cult that was recently thrust into the spotlight by Smallville actress Allison Mack.
In late March, a man named Keith Raniere was arrested and charged with sex trafficking for his role NXIVM, a sex cult he founded in 1998. Since then, there’s been a flurry of reports about other alleged members, with the most recent being Allison Mack, who was arrested last week for allegedly recruiting women to be sex slaves.

Below, here’s everything you need to know about the most recent developments.

First things first: How do you say “NXIVM”?
It’s pronounced “Nexium.”

And what exactly is it?
It’s an Albany-based cult with connections all over the world, that reportedly masquerades as a “self-help” organization, meant to empower women. It was thrust into the spotlight in October 2017, when a New York Times investigation exposed that the women who were involved were referred to as “slaves,” and subject to ritual humiliations and brandings. They were also allegedly told to starve themselves to achieve Raniere’s standard of beauty and to have sex encounters with him.

Yes that is certainly true. And the allegations are definitely far more serious and damning than you would think possible. The NXIVM cult makes the previous cults we mentioned look almost cartoonish by comparison. It’s far worse than you would think. So how does a cult like this get sold?

A former Smallville actress has been arrested and charged with sex trafficking for her role in a secret society that news reports are calling a “sex cult.”

Allison Mack, who is perhaps best-known for her role as Chloe Sullivan on the WB (later CW) show Smallville, has been charged in a New York federal court with sex trafficking, sex trafficking conspiracy, and forced labor conspiracy. She’s accused of having recruited women — some of whom were underage — to the multilevel-marketing organization Nxivm (pronounced NEX-ium). She faces life in prison.

Ostensibly a self-help group advertising “executive success programs,” Nxivm has been condemned by former members as a cult, in which female members are ritualistically branded and pressured to engage in sexual “master-slave” relationships with higher-ups in the program, and in particular with the group’s founder and leader, Keith Raniere. Raniere, who is known to his followers as “Vanguard,” was arrested last month on charges of sex trafficking.

Raniere maintains his innocence, and the Nxivm website has posted a statement denying all allegations, saying, “We are currently working with the authorities to demonstrate his innocence and true character. We strongly believe the justice system will prevail in bringing the truth to light. We are saddened by the reports perpetuated by the media and their apparent disregard for ‘innocent until proven guilty,’ yet we will continue to honor the same principles on which our company was founded.”

So the cult got sold as a “female empowerment program” and a “self help” program. And just like most cults, they broke down the people who signed up for it and got tricked by their charismatic leader. Which is pretty common among all cults.

Pause your Wild Wild Country bingeing and look at the news, where so-called cult Nxivm has been making headlines for a week. Smallville actress Allison Mack was released on a $5 million bond on Tuesday after being indicted on sex-trafficking charges on Friday.

Since her arrest, stories have broken that Mack may have tried to recruit women including Emma Watson, Kelly Clarkson, and several feminist writers into a group that she referred to on Twitter as a “human development and women’s movement.” The group, however, was allegedly Nxivm, the upstate New York alleged sex cult run by a man named Keith Raniere, also known as “The Vanguard.”

Mack is denying the charges, and per Today, has issued a statement via a representative saying she has no comment at this time. Raniere was arrested in Mexico last month and has been charged with multiple accounts of sex trafficking and forced labor.

This cult however, will most likely need defensive attorneys because they most likely can’t afford the other kind. These are very serious crimes and Ms. Mack and Mr. Raniere are probably going to be going away for a very long time. We could go into this subject all day – but NXIVM had branches all over the country.

A branch of notorious “sex cult” Nxivm — which has been known to brand female “slaves” with its founder’s initials — is covertly recruiting within the arty Brooklyn crowd.

While the Albany-based sect had seemed to be imploding after its founder, Keith Raniere, was arrested in Mexico last month on sex-trafficking charges, it now appears to be searching for new blood. Last month, a number of notable Williamsburg artists and writers, who asked not to be named, were invited by friends to what was billed as a party promising “authentic conversation” among creatives and “light vegetarian fare.”

A flyer for the event at a private home in Williamsburg billed it as “an evening of meeting cool, like-minded artists and chatting about life, authenticity, and the awesome human potential,” also vaguely referring to an unexplained “human expression program.”

So they would recruit nearly the same way with the promise of a free “get acquainted” weekend. They even had their own school:

In 2015, Spanish-language pop icon Alejandro Sanz spoke to Mexican television stations and newspapers to promote his wife's new venture: a midtown Miami school called the Rainbow Cultural Garden that purported to train toddlers to speak as many as seven languages at once.

In response, sisters Loreta and Jimena Garza posted fawning praise of Sanz's interview on their Facebook pages. "Here we go RCG!!!!!!" Loreta Garza wrote July 7, 2015. "Thank You Keith Raniere for such an amazing opportunity."

Since then, Raniere has been outed as the leader of the alleged NXIVM sex cult, accused of using flaming-hot irons to brand women, and arrested by the FBI in Mexico on sex-trafficking charges. According to the Mexico City newspaper La Silla Rota, federal agents found Raniere hiding on a compound trying to live "off the grid" — alongside Loreta, Jimena, and another sister, Carola Garza.

So that is an insight into how one of the world’s most notoriouis sex cults was able to operate. This has been Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

From: Idiots #4-17

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Clip without context!

To give you credit, Jim, I think you underestimated there a bit. Spin it again! Holy shit!

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters, it is time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it is our weekly duty to remind you that the holiest among us are always the most full of:

You know my fair brothers and sisters, we usually cover a wide variety of topics in our weekly sermon from a wide variety of followers of the LAWRD! But this week we are going to focus on one, and one in particular. I’m talking about a guy who is so batshit crazy that he has his own special section on Right Wing Watch. He has a wide variety of end times products for us to sell! Yes everything from barely edible emergency survival food to a whole fucking village. Literally! I’m of course talking about Brother Jim Bakker. Brother Jim is in a world of hurt right now because he’s selling shit and nobody is buying it!

Controversial televangelist Jim Bakker has claimed that the Missouri town in which he is building a Christian community is equipped to survive the end of the world, and is selling survival gear, such as packs of bottles that cost $150.

Baker said on his program "The Jim Bakker Show" earlier this week that various prophets have predicted that if there is a major world disaster and humankind faces the end of the world, people in large cities are not going to be able to survive.

That is why for 15 years Bakker has been building his Morningside community in Blue Eye, Missouri, which will come with an amphitheater, houses for the residents, and a chapel that can be used for weddings.

He also is advertising survival gear, such as a pack of six "extreme survival" water bottles being sold for $150. His website claims that the bottles are "designed using a combination of both Advanced and Radiological filters."

"You all are going to know soon why God brought us here," Bakker said on Tuesday's show.

"Do you know the people from the government, from NASA, the research from so many of them, they have said in their research that the safest place to live in troubled times is right here. That's why God brought us here," he added.

So Brother Jim is constructing his own village, because as you know – you all know, that in our good book, it says that “it takes a village to save mankind from impending doom”. That is a prophecy from the good LAWRD, creator of all things holy. Can I get an amen? And in terms of his village, apparently science is the reason why you should live in his village!

End Times prepper pastor Jim Bakker has spent the last several episodes of his television program urging viewers not only to stock up on his buckets of survival food, but to move to his Morningside community outside of Branson, Missouri, in preparation for the Last Days, claiming on yesterday’s program that government scientists have declared that this location will be the best place to ride out the coming Tribulation.

“There is nowhere on earth you could live with more of God’s generals here,” Bakker proclaimed, bizarrely bragging that “Branson has the number-one Christian theater in the world.”

“You all are going to know soon why God brought us here,” he said. “Do you know the people from the government, from NASA, the research from so many of them, they have said in their research that the safest place to live in troubled times is right here. That’s why God brought us here.”

Yes indeed it is science! That’s not the only shit that Brother Jim is selling. But instead - Jim is also hawking emergency survival kits.

Jim Bakker of PTL fame is back. Or, rather, he's been back, you were probably just unaware of it. This time, instead of timeshares on the campus of PTL, a thrilling vacation at his "Christian" theme park, and promises of reaping material rewards for donating to his "ministry," the disgraced televangelist is hawking survival gear on Christian TV.

A long expose in The Charlotte Observer details Bakker's current activities. In a nutshell, as the article succinctly states, "Jim Bakker is back on TV with a different, darker message: The Apocalypse is coming and you better get ready."

For Bakker, getting ready means sending him large amounts of money, called a "donation," and as a "thank you," he'll send you survival gear that he endorses.

Of course, you'll be forgiven if the specifics sound new and yet the overall theme of Jim Bakker's message sounds vaguely familiar to you. You can read the details of Bakker's rise and fall during the '80s by reading The Charlotte Observer article, but as the article points out, the financial information for his new "ministry" is shrouded in mystery. In other words, like in the '80s, people are apparently sending Bakker money without any real accountability for where the money goes and how it's used.

But here is how Brother Jim is selling this – and I think even the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want this because he is the creator of all that is good and holy! But not buying his shit will apparently cause cannibalism!

End Times prepper pastor Jim Bakker used his television program again today to promote his line of survival products, urging viewers to stock up now because people will be forced to resort to cannibalism when the Last Days arrive.

Complaining that he has “been so lambasted in the last few years” for endlessly promoting his End Times survival products, Bakker lashed out, warning that “the Bible says a fool sees trouble coming and doesn’t prepare.”

“In perilous times, they do crazy things,” Bakker said, adding that he has “cried so much” over the destruction wrought on Houston by Hurricane Harvey.

“I saw wonderful people with everything gone,” Bakker wept. “Everything gone! You don’t understand everything gone! You don’t understand living in darkness unless you’ve lived in darkness. And they will kill each other, eat each other, steal everything from each other and that’s what the Bible warns about. I want you to be prepared.”

See here’s where you don’t give a crackpot a microphone and a license to sell crap that nobody wants – he will use it for evil instead of good. Because Brother Jim sells emergency kits and then, THEN claims that he can see into the future and that it will be a bleak one! Gee, I wonder why? Maybe Jim can tell me the plot of Avengers 4 at least?

Jim Bakker is making headlines again three years after his “Praise the Lord” (PTL) empire near Charlotte collapsed amid financial corruption and sexual scandal. Now, instead of rebuilding his 2,300 acre Christian theme park and resort, Heritage USA, Bakker is selling supplies for the coming apocalypse. “We are in the final days,” Bakker says.

While Bakker claims that he has abandoned his previous lifestyle in favor of coming to a truer understanding of Christ, plenty of people remember that his theme park and TV show funded an opulent lifestyle filled with vacation homes, expensive cars and an air-conditioned doghouse. There are questions about whether Bakker truly repented after serving five years in prison for fraud or if he is merely capitalizing on 21st century fears such as terrorism and climate change. His new TV show, “The Jim Bakker Show,” certainly works hard to sell fuel-less generators, doomsday guidebooks and freeze-dried food with a shelf life of up to 30 years. Bakker, however, insists that the twin disasters of Hurricane Harvey and Maria and concerns of nuclear war with North Korea are signs that the end times are on the horizon, and that Christians ignore the warnings at their own risk. “One day,” Bakker says, “you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ He’s going to say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you. But you didn’t listen.’ ”

Read more at http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/news/2018/02/jim-bakker-says-apocalypse-coming-proof.php#tXjqvltAWWbA37J0.99

Now because all good food comes in bucket form – we here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10 have actually acquired some food of theirs to taste. And we recommend that you do not try this at home! Can we show the flyer first?

Now we here have a wide variety of stuff that comes in that magical bucket! I mean look at that – you have pizza, you have fried chicken, mac & cheese, coleslaw – it’s essentially KFC for those that believe in the doomsday apocalypse! Let’s try some. Mmmmmmmmmmm…. Yeah!

Like other Religious Right leaders, Bakker is a zealous supporter of President Trump. Bakker said a few weeks ago that criticism of Trump was a sign that “America is in a war against God.” Last year Bakker warned that God’s judgment would fall on anyone who interfered with divine plans to use Trump to save America. Bakker has also warned that people will have to answer to God for making fun of him.

In his new pitch, Bakker warns his followers that the “popular and delicious Tasty Food Bucket is going to be discontinued at the end of April due to cost of the ingredients. Many of these recipes will never be offered in a configuration like this again! Some recipes may even be retired.”

The colorful flyer included with the letter spells out four offers, from the single food bucket available for a gift of $175 to Bakker’s ministry (374 servings) all the way up to the special Time of Trouble Officer of 28 Tasty Pantry Deluxe Plus Buckets (10,472 servings) that can be yours for a $3,700 contribution.

Says Bakker, “We believe in preparing because God has warned us to prepare.”

You know what? Excuse me a minute! So there we have it, we have dedicated this week to exposing the end times crap that Brother Jim hath been hawking! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

From: Idiots #5-2

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Conservatives Vs Social Media
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It’s time for another edition of:

There’s nothing a conservative loves more than some good ol’ fashioned trash talking. In fact they have made it a part of their lifestyle and that’s how they win elections. They talk so much shit about people they could easily fill two landfills, a raw sewage treatment facility, and a fleet of manure trucks. Which is why they can’t stand it when people start fighting back against their bullshit. In the social media cold war that’s been going on since about 2009, conservatives have been completely paranoid about the way their bullshit is getting treated on social media sites. And guess what? It ain’t good, fellas! You can talk all the crap you want in private, but when you take that shit public, you’d better be prepared for getting as much as you can dish out. Just ask Mark Zuckerberg.

Facebook is sending some of its top executives to meet with Republican leaders following complaints about anti-conservative bias on social media, the company confirmed to The Hill on Friday.

The officials from Facebook’s public policy team will be meeting with House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), RNC Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel and Brad Parscale, President Trump’s 2020 campaign manager.

A McCarthy spokeswoman said that the meeting would focus on “continued issues with conservative censorship on their website.”

The meeting was first reported by Axios.

Facebook will be represented by a group of former GOP officials: Kevin Martin, who served as Federal Communications Commission chairman during the George W. Bush administration; Joel Kaplan, Bush’s former deputy chief of staff; Greg Maurer, who was an aide to former Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio); and former Republican digital strategist Katie Harbath.

Facebook and other social media companies have faced criticism from conservatives over accusations that the industry is biased against conservative speech. The meeting comes after Parscale and McDaniel sent a letter to Facebook and Twitter in May. And McCarthy has become an increasingly vocal critic of tech companies, even though he’s received thousands of dollars in campaign contributions from Silicon Valley.

Nah. See here’s the thing conservatives – you’re not getting censored because you’re a conservative posting on a social media site. You’re getting censored because you’re hateful dicks! But the accusations don’t stop there! Because once again they love some trash talking!

Donald Trump's 2020 campaign and the Republican National Committee are asking Facebook and Twitter for assurances that they will safeguard access to "fair content" and guarantee that conservative voices are not censored or buried.

Trump's 2020 Campaign Manager Brad Parscale and RNC chair Ronna McDaniel made the requests to Facebook and Twitter in a letter sent Thursday, which they later posted online.

Parscale and McDaniel wrote that they have grown concerned after media reports over the past few years and claims from users that Facebook staff had "manipulated" the trending section to exclude conservative news and that some conservative personalities have had their content suppressed. On Twitter, they said that conservative users have "accused the company of unfairly targeting them," by purging their accounts of followers in an attempt to fight fake news.

"We recognize that Facebook and Twitter operate in liberal corporate cultures. However, rampant political bias is inappropriate for a widely used public forum," McDaniel and Parscale wrote.

Accusations that social media censors conservative views has hounded the companies for years. Both Facebook and Twitter are based in the largely liberal enclaves around San Francisco, California, and their executives are often aligned with liberal causes.

Exactly. See here’s the thing – it’s not them! It’s you! You know when you sign up on these services, they have this thing called a “terms of service” agreement that you probably didn’t read. If you did read it, most of them have a rule that says “don’t be hateful”. See every time you post on David Hogg’s feed about how he’s helping the NRA sell more guns, or telling mass shooting victims to go eat Tide Pods, or how Hillary Clinton sold out the children of Haiti and then gave money to her foundation, post every bullshit conspiracy theory like Seth Rich and Pizzagate, retweet nonsense from QANON about “the Storm”, or post poorly photoshopped pictures of Hillary pooping her pants, or every time you call us idiots, or libtards, or say liberalism is a mental disorder, and you wonder why your account gets banned, you might want to examine your own life. You can make all these claims about how you’re being censored, about how there’s a bias, but really, you’re just hateful dicks! You know, kind of like when your ex breaks up with you and says “it’s not you, it’s me”, she really means it’s you. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Such is the case here.

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) is calling out social media and technology giants over what he sees as anti-conservative bias.

On Tuesday night, McCarthy, a leading candidate to replace retiring Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), tweeted a video from a speech in which he lashes out at Amazon, Facebook and Twitter, accusing them of trying to censor conservatives.

“Social media is being rigged to censor conservative voices. We will not be silenced,” the No. 2 House Republican wrote in the tweet.

McCarthy, whose district is in Southern California, frequently turns to Silicon Valley for campaign contributions. Corporate PACs for Facebook, Google and Amazon have all given him $5,000 each since 2017.

In his video, McCarthy references an incident where Amazon removed a conservative organization that had been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center from a program that allows users to donate a portion of their purchases to a charity organization of their choice. He also noted an episode last year where Twitter briefly blocked an anti-abortion campaign ad from Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.).

Hey McCarthy – did you miss the key word there? Hate? Yeah that’s where you might want to take a look at your own party and some of the things they post on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. See, hate has a conservative bias to it! Always has and always will. You know you always tell us to let go of shit, but why don’t you? You know while you’re busy figuring out new ways to troll us, we’re busy doing that thing called winning elections! People have had enough of your hateful ways. Even Donald Trump Jr has chimed in on the paranoia, but really stop beating around the bush – you’re hateful dicks. Either own the hate, or stop the abuse. Your choice.

Donald Trump Jr., President Trump's oldest son who helps the Trump Organization, posted on Instagram Friday he had a "crazy drop-off in new followers," which he said was due to search results of his name.

He posted a video of the top searches associated with #donaldtrumpjr, which included #donaldtrumpjrisatoll, #donaldtrumpjrcolludedwithrussia and #donaldtrumpjrisaliar. A more positive result, #donaldtrumpjr2024, also showed up.

The video also showed a warning that he claimed a friend received when searching his name. The message said "Can we help? Posts associated with words or tags that you're searching for often encourage behavior that can cause harm or even lead to death. If you're going through something difficult, we'd like to help." The warning did not show up for CBS News when searching.

The third slide in the video showed some of the memes, some which appeared mean-spirited, that appeared to show up under a search for his name.

From: Idiots #4-16

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let’s hit it!

Of course you know that by now people are people and people are dumb. So who is dumb this week? Why there are a lot of people out there, sir! First off, you know that old adage about yelling “fire” in a crowded theater. And you especially don’t do that in a sold out movie theater showing Avengers: Infinity War, one of the biggest blockbusters of all time. Well, there was a preacher out of Redlands, California, who did just that.

REDLANDS (CBSLA) — An outing to catch one of the season’s most anticipated films turned into a panic-filled afternoon for some moviegoers Friday.

Armed officers rushed to the Harkins Mountain Grove 16 theaters in Redlands, where people had just finished watching the latest installment of the “Avengers” franchise, fearing there might a gunman inside. Witnesses said when the movie was over, a man stood up and started yelling in what sounded like a preacher’s sermon.

“I think when he said, ‘If you were to die tonight, would your passage to heaven be guaranteed?’ — something along those lines — I think that’s when people started panicking,” Susie Arias told CBS2 News.

Arias said she and her partner were able to walk out, but they said people behind them started running and pushing in an effort to exit quickly.


It was kind of like that. Well to give the guy credit, at least he got his message out! Next up this is a perfect example of life imitating art. Remember that Breaking Bad episode where a Los Pollos Hermanos truck got hijacked ? Well this isn’t anything that crazy, but we’re not surprised.

On Thursday, Centralia police said 126 pounds of methamphetamine were found in a truck hauling Starbucks products between California and Spokane.

The truck was stopped and police say suspicious activity led to the request of help from a narcotics K-9.

The truck’s interior was searched, and police said they found 40 bundles of meth in a television box on the top bunk of the sleeper berth.

Under a mattress, police said they found another 50 bundles of meth, 2.4 pounds of suspected heroin, several thousand Oxycodone pills and a few grams of cocaine.

Next up – Legos! And if you’re being investigated by police for selling stolen goods, maybe you don’t sell stolen goods to undercover police. Get how that works? Well, this guy in Portland certainly didn’t.

Police said that investigators posed as thieves offering Azar stolen goods at far below the retail price. Authorities said Azar requested to purchase $13,000 of stolen goods from the undercover investigators.

He was arrested on April 26 after authorities say he purchased supposedly 'stolen' items from undercover officers.

When they searched his southeast Portland home, police said they found “a large quantity of stolen Legos [sic]”. The Lego and other toys that had been taken from Fred Meyer stores alone was worth $50,000, according to police.

That estimate did not include recovered merchandise that originated from other retail outlets, police said.

Authorities believe Azar would solicit stolen items through websites like Craigslist and OfferUp, purchasing them from thieves for low prices, before selling them on Craigslist, eBay and OfferUp for a profit. Those stealing the items to sell to Azar were often drug addicts, police added.

Ha ha, Lego Batman was a great movie. Next up in People Are Dumb – Youtube! Yes, Youtube has brought out a ton of crazy people. And what happens when a guy comes in and pretends to be the CEO of a legendary burger chain? Well this is beyond stupid.

(Newser) – In-N-Out Burger isn't laughing about a YouTube prankster who claimed to be the company's CEO making a surprise visit. The burger chain has gone to court to seek a restraining order against prankster Cody Roeder, whose videos appeared on his popular "Trollmunchies" YouTube channel, the OC Register reports. In two now-deleted videos filmed earlier this month, Roeder visits Southern California In-N-Out burger locations dressed in business attire, claiming to be the acting CEO and demanding free food for a "taste test." He claims to be the ex-husband of Lynsi Snyder-Ellingson, the granddaughter of chain founder Harry Snyder.

According to court papers, at one location, Roeder berated employees for "contamination" of the food and grabbed a burger from a customer believed to have been his assistant. Roeder "proceeded to throw the burger on the ground in the middle of the restaurant and step on it, telling the customer it was 'garbage,'" the legal filing states. In a statement, the chain said it has seen "an increase of visitors to our stores, who are not customers but instead are intentionally disruptive and who then try to promote themselves through social media." The legal action seeks a restraining order banning Roeder and his accomplices from the chain's restaurants, as well as damages of more than $25,000.


Man why did you have to waste the cheeseburger? Dude should be arrested. I mean what did the cheeseburger ever do to you? Next up – you know it’s been a while since we heard from our good friend Florida Man but not a week goes by where he’s not up to his usual tricks! In a scene straight out of the movie Super Troopers, there’s this!

A Florida man was arrested after he tried to dump narcotics out of his car window in Martin County, authorities said.

Tyko Dean, 41, of Oakland Park was pulled over on I-95, according to the Martin County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies said Dean pulled his car over initially, but fled when he was asked to leave the vehicle.

With the help of air and K-9 units, Dean’s car was forced to stop. Deputies said Dean tried to toss illegal narcotics out of his car window.

However, detectives said they recovered 359 grams of cocaine and 31 grams of heroin from Dean’s car.

Finally for People Are Dumb this week – campaign ads! Yes, even our elected officials or people running to be elected officials aren’t immune from stupidity. You know in this day and age when people are actually fighting against the gun lobby and the NRA, maybe you don’t lead with an ad that praises a “healthy admiration for the 2nd amendment”. Let’s show the ad first.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Something tells me I wouldn’t want to date this guys’ daughters – he seems like the “Dads Against Daughters Dating” type. Remember those assholes?

Political candidates have long appeared with guns in campaign ads — holding guns, firing guns, and even assembling guns blindfolded. Earlier this month, Georgia gubernatorial candidate Hunter Hill aired an ad showing him loading an assault rifle. The video title? “Liberals won’t like this.”

Now, a new ad in the race for Georgia governor — in which a candidate points a gun at a teenager — did not sit well with some Georgians. After all, it aired just one state away from the Florida high school where 17 people were killed in a mass shooting

In the campaign ad, Brian Kemp, Georgia’s secretary of state, sits in a room surrounded by firearms — handguns on a table to his right, rifles on the table in front of him, and what appear to be two AR-15-style guns leaning on the wall behind him. Across his lap he holds a double-barrel shotgun, cleaning it off as he speaks into the camera. Next to him sits a young man in khakis and a tucked-in flannel shirt.

“I’m Brian Kemp, this is Jake, a young man interested in one of my daughters,” he says, motioning to the teenager next to him. “Yes, sir,” Jake responds, looking nervous as he fidgets with his fingers.

Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/05/02/georgia-governor-candidate-aims-gun-at-teenager-in-campaign-ad-get-over-it-he-tells-critics/?utm_term=.8ccf38490ec9

That’s it this week for:

From: Idiots #4-9

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Selection Sunday
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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Ladies and gentlemen it’s time to commence the 2nd annual Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State Contest! And we have a lot of newcomers and old favorites this time around. And we’re going to change up the format a bit to please our overlords in the National For Fuck’s Sake Association. As you all know the winner will get the coveted DeLay trophy – named after former Texas coach Tom DeLay who took the team to an unprecedented 6 titles during the George Bush years:

[font size="6"]Statement From The Commissioner [/font]

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! As the commissioner of the NFFSA, it is my honor and privilege to be the host of this year’s Stupidest State tournament! Let the games commence! All four conferences are here and ready to tangle. We have all four corners of conservatism represented – god, guns, greed, and overall batshit insanity! So this time around we’re going to do things a bit differently. Since our season ends on May 23rd, we need to speed things up a bit from last time. The league, as usual is split into two factions – the Layover League and the Flyover League. And each league will crown its’ champion before they face off in the final round. The rules before state that each conference will get four teams, which will be ranked #1 - #4. And just like how March Madness kicks off every year with a “Selection Sunday”, this year we shall kick things off with the same! The tournament will start on Wednesday, March 21st – which is around the same time March Madness starts. The rules this time around – the first round will feature two matches, while the second round will consist of one match each. Both rounds of the Final Four will take place in the same week, and then the championship. Since we do encourage gambling here, we will be providing you with betting odds this time around! And here we go!

[font size="6"]The Batshit Conference [/font]

Since 1890, the Batshit Conference is the largest conference in the NFFSA and it consists of 16 teams producing the finest guano that the country has to offer. They are the craziest of the crazy. The cream of the crop. The states that elect the worst politicians imaginable, who cook up the craziest laws known to man. The Batshit Conference caters to excellence in crazy lawmaking, and residents as equally crazy as the people who they elect. Places ruled by rural communities where there’s nothing to do but hardcore drugs, and with hardcore drugs comes hardcore craziness!

1. Iowa – the state that defined “Flyover country”. Iowa just barely missed the tournament last year due to some injuries. But this year they recruited lots of hot young talent and they are poised to go very far. Some say they could win the whole thing. Their policies have been called some of the country’s worst. The elected an actual racist and America’s worst Congressman – Steve King. They are also the home of Charles Grassley. They continually favor big business over the worker. They continue to fight for big farms over the smaller ones. They continually suppress education. Will they win? We shall see!
Betting Prediction: Iowa didn’t win that number one seed for nothing – they had the best record in the whole league during the regular season - they will be shocking and surprising you with how good their team is! 2:1.

2. Kentucky – The Bluegrass State is one of the hottest teams in the league. The state that was the first that voted for @realDonladTrump, also gave us Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul, Matt Bevin, and NFFSA Rookie Of The Year Kim Davis has shown absolutely no signs of slowing down when it comes to flinging some fresh batshit. They got a massive upgrade this year and they take the number 2 seed in the Batshit Conference. When you combine out of control college freshmen, some of the most insane politicians, and hardcore religious insanity, you get one of the best programs in the Batshit tournament, and they had the second best record during the regular season.
Betting Prediction: Kentucky can go head to head against any team they face, and they were ridiculously strong last year. They handily beat Pennsylvania for a seat in the tournament. They are looking to go far. 5:1.

3. Virginia – Another newcomer to the tournament. The Commonwealth State - adjacent to our nation’s capital has been a hot bed of white supremacy, redneck policies, and gun nut culture – creating a toxic mix that is sure to please longtime fans and newcomers to the Batshit Conference. Another first timer who if they can keep healthy, will promise to go very far in this tournament.
Betting Prediction: They have the drive and ambition to go very far but injuries plagued them during the regular season. 20:1.

4. Texas – Last year’s champion promises to repeat this year. They are tanned, rested, ready, and looking to do some damage as they climb their way to the top while producing some fresh guano not seen since the early days of the tournament. While a shell of their former selves as they produced that string of greatness during the Bush years, Texas squeezed out a win last year and they’re looking to repeat. Their coach has stated that they will be healthy, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing.
Betting Prediction: Texas isn’t the odds on favorite it was last year. If they do win the conference and advance to the Final Four, it’s going to be a very long uphill battle for them. 10:1.

[font size="6"]The Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference [/font]

Excessive greed here is the name of the game in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference. This is the second largest conference in the NFFSA consisting of 13 states. While the rule of the game here is “never underestimate the other guy’s greed”, these guys are doing just that! Six houses? Why not? The other guy has 8! 40 cars? The other guy has 50! You have a 500 foot yacht? The other guy has a 600 foot yacht! You have a Rembrandt? The other guy has a Picasso! And you never mix the two, that’s just bad feng shui. Since 1952, nearly all of the teams here are sponsored by Koch Industries. And coincidentally nearly all of them subscribe to Fox Business Channel where they always take the CEO’s side. While you’re watching your bank account grow by peanuts, these guys have taken the whole damn peanut farm! They’re Scrooge McDuck, Ritchie Rich, Carter Pewterschmitt, and Mr. Burns rolled into one.

1. Kansas – The reigning king of Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference is the home to one of the country’s worst governors – Sam Brownback. It’s also home to some of the country’s worst education policies and the home of the Westboro Baptist Church. It’s also a Flyover League favorite. They’re the home of Koch Industries and the Heritage Foundation – who some might be calling “economic terrorists”. Who needs Al Qaeda when these guys can do more damage?
Betting prediction: Kansas looks poised to repeat as conference champions, but it could actually be a toss up this year since the competition in this league is one of the most competitive. 10:1.

2. West Virginia – Coal mining country is always a hotbed for conservative insanity. Especially in an era where anti-environment coal industry CEOs are touting “clean coal” as if it’s a thing that it exists. It doesn’t. As this has been evidenced by the batshit crazy CEOs who run America’s coal mining operations and their never ending love for anti-worker conservative policies. And this is the first time they have appeared in this tournament – they recruited a lot of hot young talent, and they promise that they will go all the way!
Betting Prediction: Strong favorite to finish far, could be a huge upset if they knock off a favorite to win the first round. 5:1.

3. Wisconsin – Wisconsin is getting a huge upgrade this year. Yes, the home of New Glarus Brewing, the Green Bay Packers, and governor Scott Walker - the state that gave us House Speaker and Bro Magazine’s Bro Of The Year Paul Ryan is poised to have nearly all of its’ seats up for grabs in this year’s tournament which means that it literally could be anyone’s game and we will see the greed and big money fly during this election year of ours. They can go very far in this tournament.
Betting Prediction: Wisconsin bowed out in the first round last year and that made them angry to the point where they completely overhauled their team. 2:1.

4. Nevada – Nevada just barely missed the tournament due to injuries last year but this year they are coming back strong. And come on, how can you have a discussion on greed without having a discussion on gambling? Because the two often go hand in hand. And our president is also associated with the gambling industry. Can the gaming industry go far in this tournament? Only time will tell. The odds have them pegged as the biggest underdogs in this tournament, and we all love a good underdog story!
Betting Prediction: This is a strong conference, and the gambling industry is about as corrupt as you can expect, and they spent like ballers during the off season last year. 10:1.

[font size="6"]The Family Values Conference [/font]

What do you get when you mix toxic religious values with anti-progressive family legislation? You get the Family Values Conference! The Family Values Conference is the smallest conference in the league consisting of 9 (NEIN!!) teams, but they have the richest history. Family values hypocrisy is something that’s as old as the United States itself. While you’re on your 5th divorce and wondering which of your ex wives gets your alimony check this week, that poor gay or lesbian couple who lives next door is only wondering what life would be like when they get married, while transgendered people are denied bathroom privileges. Meanwhile corrupt pastors get away with the kinkiest sex imaginable and soliciting prostitutes.The Family Values Conference: Priding themselves on religious hypocrisy since 1789!

1. Indiana – This is Indiana’s first return to the tournament in many years. Last time they got trounced by Alabama who went on to win their first title. And Indiana is back and they’re looking for revenge. The Hoosier State is responsible for one of the single dumbest controversies in the country – gay wedding cakes, and with that controversy reaching SCOTUS, expect the insanity to fly like a triple double!
Betting Prediction: Indiana is a hot young team and they’ve recruited a lot of young talent, and they have a very talented staff. Expect them to go far. 2:1.

2. Alabama – Last year’s conference champion and the reigning king of the Family Values Conference suffered a bit of a setback and almost didn’t make the tournament this year but they are rested and they are ready. Of course we saw a lot of Alabama last year with the insanity surrounding Roy Moore’s campaign which saw him defeated by Doug Jones. But they also have another evil that they refuse to let go of – gay conversion therapy!
Betting prediction: Last year’s insane campaign of Roy Moore left them exhausted and they just barely made the tournament. If they do get out of the first round it will be interesting to watch. 20:1.

3. Utah – The Mormons are making their first ever appearance in our Stupidest State tournament, and they have the guts to go very far. It’s one of the hardest states to get liquor in but is the home of some of the best skiing in the country. Of course it’s outer beauty hides its’ inner ugly – the Mormon church is the dominant religion in the state and has produced some of the country’s most insane family values laws.
Betting Prediction: Utah’s first time in the tournament means that they will be fighting for supremacy in this division but if they can make it they will be Final Four contenders! 10:1.

4. Ohio – Ohio has been a family values underdog for years. They just barely edged out Arkansas for the first time in the tournament. Sure, they have the progressive cities of Cleveland, Akron, and Cincinatti. But the Buckeye State is ruled by rural farming communities, and they too are ruled by religion, which has given us some of the most batshit policies and SCOTUS cases in history. Ohio could go far in the tournament but this conference is really anyone’s game.
Betting Prediction: While traditionally a blue state, Ohio’s red state values have shocked and surprised people. They could do some serious damage here. 5:1.

[font size="6"]The Gun Nut Conference [/font]

Shoot first and ask questions later. That’s the name of the game in this conference. It’s also the most effective means of communication in these states.It’s the conference where you too can take your AK-47 out on a dinner date to Chipotle, and nobody will seem to care. In fact they too might have their own AK. It’s the conference where the only thing that matters is your precious firearm. Hardcore racism and extreme gun nuttery usually go hand in hand in this conference. We’re not saying all gun nuts are hardcore racists, but all hardcore racists are gun nuts. It’s the conference where debating between concealed carry and open carry can be considered a contact sport. And you can ask your fellow gun lovers “Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?”. And getting shot means it’s usually God’s will.

1. Florida – Florida earns the number 1 seed in this conference. You might be asking “wait – wasn’t Florida a member of the Batshit Conference?”. Well I answer you – yes – but Florida was tired of losing and it has some of this country’s worst gun laws. It was also home to the Parkland School Shooting, and a legislature that almost literally threw these kids under the bus. They have the potential to make the final four this year.
Betting Prediction: After Florida Man’s humiliating stunt cost them the tournament last year, they’re angry and looking for redemption. But a repeat of last year wouldn’t be out of the question. 10:1.

2. Louisiana – The Bayou State is one of the worst states to live in if you don’t want to be associated with gun nuts. It’s the home of New Orleans, and if the creepy mascots of their NBA team the New Orleans Pelicans are any indication of what kind of people they elect, keep in mind that this is the state that gave us Bobby Jindal. They have the wit and gun nut insanity to outlast the tournament.
Betting Prediction: Another tournament first timer, Loosiana has recruited a lot of hot young talent and their gun laws are often referred to as the country’s worst. Expect them to go far. 5:1

3. Montana – Last year’s #1 seat and Flyover League champion Montana is poised to make a huge splash in this year’s tournament. They went from underdogs to juggernauts in the league with a toxic mix of wannabe cowboys, white supremacist militia hate groups, and doomsday preppers. As we learned last year – Montana has the nation’s highest concentration of racist hate groups (after all, they are the home of Richard Spencer) as well as the highest concentration of gun manufacturers. And yes, Frank Zappa might be moving to Montana to start a dental floss farm, but if you live in fear of getting shot, this state might not be the state for you.
Betting Prediction: Montana’s strong finish as league champions last year left them exhausted, but they could see a return to the top if healthy enough. 5:1.

4. Arizona – Last year’s conference champion got an extra upgrade when they kicked Sheriff Joe to the curb. But now he’s back and running for Senate! Yes, these guys never seem to go away but with the news of one of the worst sheriffs in the country and a guy who will look the other way if you take your AK on a dinner date is running for senate, expect that the batshit and the bullets will fly as they work their way up to a comeback as conference champions!
Betting Prediction: Arizona lost in a shoot out to Montana last year, but they went back to the drawing board and got a lot of hot young talent. Expect them to go far. 2:1.

[font size="6"]The Bracket [/font]

Here’s the bracket:

And here’s the schedule.

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

For the first round of the tournament – it’s a battle for the batshit as #1 Iowa takes on #2 Kentucky, while in the Flyover League, it’s a duel to the death as #3 Montana takes on #4 Arizona in a rematch of last year’s conference championship.

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Imagine Dragons[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, returning to the show is our good friends of the program and a huge ally to the LGBT community. They have a new documentary on HBO called “Believer” and you can see them on tour everywhere this July and August. Now playing that song Believer, give it up for Imagine Dragons!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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