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In reply to the discussion: Older parents who have to give up driving - how did you handle this [View all]frazzled
(18,402 posts)At getting my Dad to stop driving last year. My sister and I were having a discussion about it (she'd already discussed it with our brother) when the phone rang, and I noticed it was my mother. "OK," my sister said, "answer it and tell her we insist that Daddy stop driving." I answered the phone and my mother said, "Oh, we just got back from the DMV; your Dad just got his license renewed."
Holy cow. I was honest and told her we think he should stop. We said we're worried he could kill someone. She said she knew, and was keeping a close eye on it. She said she was going to make him stop at the first sign of trouble.
My Dad turns 96 this weekend. I give up. His independence is what keeps him going. Frankly, he's not that bad a driver, even at his age. That is, if he just goes a short way, never gets on a highway, and doesn't drive after dusk. He drives only a mile or two from home on uncrowded, familiar routes, and only in the daytime: to go to the gym four times a week, and to go to the grocery or Costco. Or the doctor. (My mom has a license, but she's legally blind in one eye and hasn't driven for a long time. So that's not a help.)
I wish I could be more helpful about this. My parents still live in their house, still go out in the car, and won't listen to a thing we say. They are fiercely independent. Both are very mentally competent, and they have someone who comes to help clean every other week, and someone to do the yardwork. I can't really say they NEED to move into a different situation. But when one of them goes, the other will not be able to live at home. Together they form a functioning unit (one can hear and one can see; one does the bills, the other takes out the trash). Without each other, they will be lost. It's going to be a huge fight at that point. I dread it's coming, which it inevitably will.