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Showing Original Post only (View all)Happy Birthday, You CRAZY Fucking Yanks! [View all]
"So, George, you're going to take on the Brits, eh? I mean, you know, as in the British Empire, the most powerful force on Earth? And what do you have, George? Oh, farmers, eh? Some boys with muskets, you say? Well, good luck with that!" (Clearly delusional.)
"So, Wilbur, you and your brother are going to build a machine, a machine that a man can get into, and fly off the ground? Um, you know, I could suggest a doctor---he's really good---to help you with that." (Immediate psychiatric intervention needed!)
"So, Mr. President, you intend to land a man on the Moon? Before 1970? Even though the Russians are way ahead right now? Um.....okay." (Obviously, the pills he's taking for back pain are having a deleterious affect on his mind."
See, that's the wonderful part of your country's insanity!
But you know what I'm going to say next, don't you? Yeah, I figured you'd figure.
Science is bad?
The Bible trumps the Constitution?
Women don't own their own bodies?
It's perfectly okay to carry loaded guns into churches, schools, and (!) bars?
Providing a modicum of care to poor people is socialism?
Taxing the uber-rich is Naziism?
Corporations are people?
Christianity should be taught in public schools? Am I reading this right?
Climate change is a hoax?
Republicans seek election to government so they can refuse to govern?
Rupert Murdoch's "news" network is given press accreditation when it's clearly agitprop?
Cliven Bundy isn't in jail? But Greenwald and Snowden are traitors? Seriously?
Sending youngsters off to unnecessary wars is A-OK?
And it's equally okay to not take care of them when they come home???
These, obviously, represent the horrible side of your country's insanity.
Now, I'm gonna say something here, and you can call the headquarters of the Mounties (613-993-7267) and tell them to arrest me for Rudeness in the First Degree, but I am gonna be unCanadian and insist that you not destroy yourselves. (Oh shit, that sounds really demanding, doesn't it? Sorry!)
You can do better than this, America! Come on! You've already done impossible things. Don't tell me you can't put the Republicans and Tea Party racists in their place! I won't hear of it! Should you fail to do so, then I, as a Canadian, shall have no choice but to write a strongly-worded letter of protest to the White House!
Now, all kidding aside, bottom line: The United States has a checkered history. Yeah, you've done some really rotten things. But I believe in mathematics, and, by my own personal calculations, America has done a lot more good in this world than it has done ill, and remains capable of nobility. My wish for you on this day is that you overcome the hateful minority, who claim to be "Real Americans," but whom, in fact, are the very definition of un-American.
Now go gorge yourselves on hot dogs and beer! (Hey, we do it here on July 1st.)
Happy 238th!