First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.....

[Heartstrings]

First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. They are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

More from some well-known people:

1. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. –Groucho Marx
2. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. –Zsa Zsa Gabor
3. I haven’t slept for 10 days, because that would be too long. –Mitch Hedberg
4. Standing in the park today, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me. –Stewart Francis
5. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. –Rodney Dangerfield
6. My husband can't stand to see trash and garbage lying around the house – he can't stand the competition. –Phyllis Diller
7. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. –George Carlin
8. There are three kinds of people in the world – those who can count, and those who can’t. –Unknown
9. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it. –Jack Handey
10. The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring. –Milton Berle
11. I’m a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge. –Robin Williams
12. I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,'”but I don't have that much time. –Stephen Wright
13. Always remember my grandfather’s last words: “A truck!” –Emo Phillips
14. Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones. –Joan Rivers

Spread the Laughter, Share the Cheer, Let's be Happy, while we're here!

(Found on Facebook)