Lost my mom on Saturday.

[Warpy]

22. Losing your mother is tough

It would have been easier to list what was still OK rather than what ultimately killed my own mother. and we had a love-hate relationship that took a long time to process. However, it can be done. My own mother was responsible for the wiseass I am today, but there are also deep wounds that will never heal and memories that occasionally bubble up like foul marsh gas.

We had "the talk" when she was in her late 70s about whether she'd ever move in with me. She said she'd keep me up at night while she rummaged around, trying to find the meat cleaver. I told her she wouldn't have the energy, she'd be able to taste the arsenic in her soup. When she sank into self pity and asked me why she couldn't just die, I told her god didn't want her and the devil was afraid she'd take over. She got a laugh out of that one. My dad was horrified but said it was the first laugh he'd heard in months.

I don't know anyone who had a Hallmark card fantasy mother, a soppy Irish tenor mother. In addition, the young can't understand the problems old folks face, not until they get old themselves. So it's always a stew of loss, resentment and guilt.

It will get better. I can't say it goes away, but we get used to it over time.