that old myth of protecting the tender male ego

[donsu]

Netscape's home page today has an article on what men don't want with sex. One of the things women shouldn't do is:

"Drill Sergeant Sex

He loves it when you take control. But he hates it when you're ordering him around. That infamously frail male ego is easily dinged by your domineering. Be bold, not bossy."


good gads! back in the 40's and 50's all the women's magazines talked endlessly about the care and feeding of the male ego. and here it is again in 2005 on a browser's home page.

aaarrrggghhh

and men themselves believe this crap.

hey, if your man gets upset over you and his ego - get rid of him. when he complains tell him tough titty and show him the door.

[Hello_Kitty]

1. But of course...

Men are supposed to be the ones who are rational and pragmatic, so much more so than us silly women with our tendency to be all fluttery and emotional and empathetic and whatnot. That's why we can never be entrusted with Important Things like the presidency, leadership of a corporation, or the TV remote. Oh nooo....

When it comes to widdle pwecious and his ego though, total reversal of that paradigm. He can't possibly be expected to control his reactions or take responsibility for his own emotional well-being. It's YOUR job to coddle him, the poor inept baby. And numerous crappy, unhelpful, articles and books serve to remind us of that.

I'm with you. Tough titty.

[politicat]

2. In a healthy relationship, both partners take care of each other's egos.

DUH. It's about mental health and the stability of the relationship and the care and feeding of the partnership.

Men who believe their ego is more important than a strong relationship - and in relationships, egos get hurt and heal - need to not play in the relationship pool. And the same goes for us.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

3. Many years ago, I was complaining about my then-boyfriend to a woman

friend, and her husband chimed in with, "But you have to consider the male ego."

I'm afraid I wasn't very polite. I told him that I'd start caring about the male ego when I saw any evidence of men who cared about the female ego.

He slowly backed out of the kitchen.

[donsu]

4. :)

nt

[Warpy]

5. My ex once used that "fragile male ego" line on me

about a mutual friend who was making a perfect ass of himself over essentially nothing. My reply was that anything that fragile was inerently unstable, and the sooner it was reduced to a more stable configuration, the better.

He never mentioned it again.

[atommom]

6. The same myth seems to resurface every few years in relationship

books for women, too. I'm thinking of The Rules, and pretty much anything by John Gray (of Mars/Venus fame). I flipped through one of John Gray's books a few years ago, and found several examples of this. One that particularly irked me was a story about how his wife used "advanced relationship skills" when they were trying to pick out a restaurant. The "advanced skills" consisted of her acting demure and refusing to say outright which restaurant she'd prefer. So he chose the one he thought she'd like, and he was in a much better mood after that because she had stoked his ego by letting him make the choice. He even admitted that he would have been sulking throughout dinner if she'd just chosen the restaurant as he asked her to. Way to break through gender stereotypes.... :banghead:

[lukasahero]

7. Good grief - and they accuse US of playing games.

If he didn't want her to make the decision, why'd he bother offering such to her? So SHE has to use "advanced relationship skills" but if she'd done that to him she'd have been a manipulating game-playing bitch.

:banghead: is right.

[atommom]

8. No kidding. And after reading that little anecdote, we're supposed to

look up to him as a relationship guru? I don't think so.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

9. The scoop on John Gray

You'll like this: http://www.rickross.com/reference/gray/gray2.html

Now for a little dish on "Dr." Gray - he and I have the same editor at our publisher, and she once told me that he was a pissy little bitch of a guy behind closed doors.

She said the same thing about Sybill Shepard, when she edited her autobiography, too.

I do love self-proclaimed experts ..............

[atommom]

10. He was pissy? Color me shocked.

:rofl:

ETA that he bought his PhD, so that doesn't make him any more credible.

[raccoon]

12. thanks for the link. nt

[Hello_Kitty]

13. He says "women need to TALK!"

But he never shuts up.

[atommom]

18. Well, he doesn't really want the women to talk much, anyway,

unless it's to say supportive things to their poor insecure menfolk.

[raccoon]

11. That John Gray was a real dip. He had no credentials

for being any kind of counselor. The books jackets said he had a Ph.D.
I wrote the publisher asking what the degree was in. I never heard back from them.

He was just a self-proclaimed relationship guru.

By the way, I'm not into coddling the fragile male ego either.

[Hello_Kitty]

14. I've noticed more GUYS with his book than women.

Not surprising since he's all about gender stereotypes and putting the entire burden for the health of the relationship on the woman. But I don't think those guys are going to have too much success if they try to use his crappy advise on actual women.

[atommom]

15. Only if the women have already been brainwashed

(which sadly, is quite possible). It really annoys me that self-appointed experts can achieve this level of "credibility" with the public, while writing absolute crap.

If you'd like a good laugh, here's a feminist analysis of his teachings:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/women_rebuttal_from_uranus/chaplink.htm

snip
That is, a woman should offer him "loving acceptance (i.e., say nothing), ask him to rephrase any concerns with which she may have a need to discuss with him, reassure him that he is not being blamed for comments uttered in frustration, and, most importantly, what a woman says is never what she actually means.

[donsu]

16. if his shins were available I would kick them

HARD

[atommom]

17. Why stop with the shins?

:evilgrin:

[unschooler]

19. So let's bring up ANOTHER generation of men with "egos"!

:puke: :puke: :puke:


Earth to Men With Fragile Egos and their Sick Enablers: Everything's not about YOU!!!

[femrap]

20. I have witnessed the male ego and have given it a diagnosis..

The FME Syndrome...the Fragile Male Ego Syndrome. I do believe it is the reason for war and violence. The syndrome stems from insecurities and so these males use violence to overcome them. I wish FME were discussed and brought out into the light. Cuz it's ruining our planet.

[Maat]

21. I really appreciate this post.

It seems like some of the same crud that was alive and well in the 50's and 60's is coming back (or maybe it was there all along). It just seems LOUDER the last few years.

I agree with what you say.

[Hello_Kitty]

22. And at least they had Cary Grant back then

What do we get? Adam Carolla and Howard Stern. :puke:

[Maat]

23. Ick (n/t)!