Reply #24: It happens when 'sex' is associated with 'dirty,' 'taboo,' 'wrong,' and 'shameful.' [View All]

[TahitiNut]

To some degree, most of us can remember an adolescence where our sexual awakening and curiosity confronted some degree of suppression or repression based on "naughty" or "dirty" associations. It was something hidden and secretive and 'wrong' to speak about in 'polite' company. When the libido gets cross-wired to the 'forbidden' character of the activity rather than the healthy, loving, and intimate associations that lead to a satisfying sex life, the degree of arousal declines as experiences become banal and normal. Thus, ever-increasing degrees of 'forbidden' or 'taboo' are sought. I think of it as the "excitement conundrum" - how to keep it exciting.

Clearly, there are also some connections with personality disorders and more complex underlying neuroses/psychoses, but I think a lot can also be attributable to the "sex = dirty" equivalence relationship. I think of Muslims living in repressive societies traveling to countries without the 'modesty' requirements ... and becoming "sailors on leave." I think of Victorian England ... which was actually quite extensively bawdy and ribald behind closed doors. "Forbidden fruit" is always more attractive to emotionally immature people.

I can clearly recall when I noticed such associations in my own youthful outlook and, seeing the pitfalls, worked to adopt a more positively erotic outlook. I consciously focused on developing positive associations as a part of my personal maturation. I'm glad I did - it was far more fulfilling.