Reply #50: My parents were born in 1936 [View All]

[neebob]

Only my mom is still living. The thing about her is she used to be a Democrat, so while I'm always gratified to hear it's a generational thing, I still tend to blame the Mormon church and, above all, the controlling, emotionally and verbally abusive man who dragged us all into it: my dad.

I wish I could be as magnanimous toward my mom's belief system as you are toward your mom's. I somehow, perhaps miraculously, managed to develop the ability to think for myself. What's my mom's excuse - spending an extra 22 years with King Boss Man? Perhaps I should give her a break, since the last 5 or 6 of those 22 years were spent essentially trapped in the house with his severely disabled but just as controlling as ever (and I would say more than ever) highness and the Limbaugh Letter. She was on different footing than I was with the Supreme Commander, so naturally she wouldn't feel as oppressed as I did.

It wasn't all that long ago - only three or four years - that I realized what my dad did to my mind and how he influenced my adult life. Since he died, I've discovered all these issues I didn't know I had with my mom. One day I realized it was she who was always telling me I shouldn't feel this way or that way and causing me to assume I'm wrong and bad and in need of punishment. My dad just shouted his head off because I didn't agree with him or do what he wanted. My mom is the one who gave me the complex. She was complicit in the abuse, and ironically she's the one who first suggested it by way of defending my dad.

So, having processed that, lately I've been noticing all the things my parents failed to teach me and just how unthinking they both were and are. I can barely stand to talk to my mom anymore because her beliefs flow into everything. Really, only the weather and the animals we both love are safe subjects. Everything else seems to have some obscure connection to politics or religion or my dad issues. I suspect she steers the conversation in the direction of the dad issues because she wants me to take half the responsibility for my relationship with him. She just can't stand that I refuse to to do that.

If the topic is anything other than animals or the weather, I can't say much more than "uh-huh" because Mom can't resist the urge to tell me I'm bad and wrong when I disagree with her - which is about every ten seconds. She's disrespectful of everyone and everything that doesn't fit in her narrow little world.

It would be one thing if she could disagree respectfully, but she does it in the most offensive way. In defending the Vietnam war, for example, she told me I wasn't aware during that time. I'd better not challenge her on World War II, either, because she was there. Never mind she was the same age as I was during Vietnam.

Generational and parental issues aside, it's just impossible to have an intelligent discussion with someone who assumes and feels comfortable telling you your mind has been poisoned by people you've only ever mentioned in passing - like, say, Michael Moore or Al Franken - but who hangs on every word of the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, and Bill O'Reilly and only ever watches Fox News because it's fair and balanced. Someone who sincerely and passionately believes George W. Bush is a good person because she watches him on TV and fancies herself a good judge of character. Someone who thinks it's OK to blow people in other countries to kingdom come and mistreat your fellow Americans who don't share your background and beliefs.

I don't associate with people who think that way and aren't related to me.