I Have Dragons To Slay... [View All]

[Steely_Dan]

Tonight, I feel out of step with the rest of the world...It's as if the world has gone just a little crazy for a moment or two.

I end my work day and arrive home to my little apartment on the west coast...alone again. Tired from slaying the dragon one more time. I had purchased F9/11 yesterday but couldn't bring myself to watching it last night. I had seen it in theaters once already and anyway, the VP debates were on.

But tonight I slipped the DVD into my Mac and waited for the familiar sounds of the spinning disk. I knew that my passions would override my reason before the night was through.

I was drawn deeper and deeper into the film as my anger rose. Finally, it was the mother from Flint...her loss, her patriotism, the sacrifices made by her son and their family protecting our freedoms. My heart was breaking.

The soulful sounds of Niel Young "rocking in the free world" faded as I sat alone at the end of my bed. I was drained...emotionally spent. And I wept in silence.

How did all of this happen? Wasn't it our job to stand guard over the door of reason? Now we are left to face a country in "denile"...too afraid to admit that so many lives have been lost for a cause which remains unjustified. We cannot face ourselves and the horrific nature of man's inhumanity to man.

Regardless of the outcome of this election, I am assured that for the few reaming years of my life, I must live in the shadow of this tragedy and what we have done.

All that I seem to have remaining in my life comes as a light from my monitor...my cyber fireplace where I can share my fears and indeed, my hopes.

I have been so angry for so long...my energy for the "good fight" lies in question. My thinking is muddled and disjointed...I just want someone to stop the Ferris wheel so I can get off.

My greatest fear is that in fighting for what I believe in...to have the courage of my convictions...for all that I am and for all that I will become...that in the winning of this battle, we may still remain forever lost.

I must try and get some sleep now. For there are more dragons to slay tomorrow...and another mother cries for her lost child.

-Paige