Reply #25: More familiar bully traits. [View All]

[nicknameless]

Detailed profile of the serial bully

The serial bully also:

* is selfish and acts out of self-interest, self-aggrandisement and self-preservation at all times; everything can be traced back to the self - even the seemingly innocuous "How are you today?" translates to "Is there any comeback on me as to how you're feeling today?"
* is insensitive, often callously indifferent to the needs of others, and especially when others are experiencing difficulty (vulnerability is a major stimulant to the serial bully)
* is incapable of reciprocity, ie unable and unwilling to reciprocate any positive gesture
* sees anyone attempting to be conciliatory as a sucker to be exploited
* uses criticism, humiliation, etc in the guise of addressing shortfalls in performance - in reality, these are for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
* appears to be intelligent but often performs poorly in academic or professional roles, despite appearances; the intelligence is focused exclusively on deviousness, cunning, scheming, manipulation, evasiveness, deceptiveness, quick-wittedness, craftiness, self-centredness, etc
* may be passive aggressive, blowing hot and cold, superficially cooperative but motivated by retribution, stubborn, uncoachable, use their intelligence to excuse and justify their behaviour, and they detest anyone more competent than themselves - which is most people
* is unable to maintain confidentiality, often breaching it with misrepresentation, distortion and fabrication
* distorts, twists, concocts and fabricates criticisms and allegations, and abuses the disciplinary procedures - again, for control and subjugation, not for performance enhancement
* uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumours to undermine, discredit and isolate
* is untrustworthy and unable to trust others - this partly explains the compulsion for excessive monitoring
* is drawn to positions of power and abuses that power
* alters the employer's procedures to make it difficult or impossible for others to hold the bully accountable using those procedures
* is autocratic and dictatorial, often using phrases like "you shouldn't..." or "you ought to..."
* may appear superficially competent and professional at their job, but behind the facade is inadequate, inept, poor at their job, often incompetent; survives only by plagiarising other people's work, and being carried by those they bully
* wraps himself or herself in a flag or tradition and usurps others' objectives, thereby nurturing compliance, reverence, deference, endorsement and obeisance; however, such veneration and allegiance is divisive, being a corruption for personal power which exhibits itself through the establishment of a clique, coterie, cabal, faction, or gang
* is a divisive and disruptive influence, their departments are dysfunctional and inefficient, and their behavior prevents staff from performing their duties
* is unusually susceptible to minor slights or perceived slights and bears grudges which may be acted on years later when the transgressor can be denied promotion or downsized in the bully's "reorganisation"
* gains gratification from provoking people into emotional or irrational responses but is quick to claim provocation by others when challenged
* has a short-term focus and often cannot think or plan ahead more than 24 hours
* appears to have a short, selective memory and often cannot or will not remember what they said, did, or committed to more than 24 hours ago - but is always able to remember your faults, often from years ago
* the serial bully seems to live in a bubble of the present and when challenged will spontaneously make things up; the bully genuinely seems to believe the fabrication; from a psychiatric viewpoint this could be called confabulation; from a moral viewpoint, it's called lying
* is often like a child who has never grown up
* exhibits immature behaviour and poor manners
* has poor communication skills, poor interpersonal skills, poor social skills
* often misses social cues
* has poor language skills, and uses almost exclusively negative language with few or no positive words; is often limited to parroting fad phrases and regurgitating the latest management jargon
* has poorly-defined moral and ethical boundaries
* acts out of gratification and self-interest only, often using and hiding behind the employer
* extrovert bullies tend to be shouters and screamers, are highly visible, and bully from the front
* extrovert bullies can be charismatic and seem to be able to bewitch people into following and supporting them
* introvert bullies - the most dangerous types - tend to sit in the background and recruit others to do the bullying for them - when dealing with this type of bullying, identify the arch-bully in the background and focus single-mindedly on that person - the others will melt away
* is a killjoy, a wet blanket, is unreceptive and finds fault with or pours scorn on other people's ideas and suggestions, but may regurgitate them later claiming to be the originator
* often has a hatred of a sector of society, eg ethnic minorities, disabled people, etc
* often has a hatred of certain professional groups, eg psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, counsellors, therapists
* is unimaginative and lacks the skills of creativity and innovation
* rarely has any ideas of his or her own; tends to regurgitate what others (especially superiors) say rather than use own thinking
* is a plagiarist, steals other people's work - and the credit for it
* has a writing style that is disjointed, lacks flow and consistency, tends to make contradictory statements, and has the feel of a young teenager trying to write like a grown-up (apologies to teenagers)
* often uses false praise or praise which is inappropriate to the circumstances; this is partly to make the bully feel good, partly for the benefit of witnesses, partly poor judgement, partly immaturity, and partly for control and subjugation to throw their target off guard
* is unable and unwilling to value others and their contributions and achievements; is often scornful
* shows discrepancy in valuing tasks, deliberately devaluing the work and achievements of others; when the bully does a certain job, it's onerous, difficult and the bully needs lots of recognition; when their target does the same job it's trivial, of little or no value, not worth mentioning
* is ungrateful and rarely (if ever) says "thank you" or "well done" (except, perhaps, if impressionable witnesses are present)
* is frequently sarcastic, especially in contexts where sarcasm is inappropriate and unprofessional
* is unable to assess the importance of events and tasks, often making an unnecessary fuss over trivia whilst ignoring important or urgent things
* exhibits duplicity and hypocrisy, eg says one thing one day and denies it the next
* often has an overwhelming (and unhealthy) need to feel recognised and wanted
* is fastidious, often has an unhealthy obsession with cleanliness or orderliness
* is insincere and false
* has never learnt the skills of and has little concept of empathy; may use charm and mimicry to compensate
* attempts at empathy are superficial, amateur, often inappropriate or inappropriately high, and based on mimicry rather than genuine concern - and are for the purpose of making the bully look and feel good, especially in front of witnesses
* when required to show empathy, eg someone is in distress or needs help, responds either with impatience and aggression (if no-one else is present), or with a fulsome and effusive attempt at empathy (if witnesses are present)
* is unwilling to apologise for mistakes, except occasionally when witnesses are present, then the apology is fulsome, artificial, and inappropriate - but sufficiently convincing for peers and superiors
* is quick to blame others
* is uncharacteristically fulsome and effusive, especially in front of witnesses - but hollow and insincere
* is devious and manipulative (especially female bullies)
* is spiteful and vengeful (ditto)
* uses aggression almost exclusively but claims to be assertive (assertiveness is about recognising and respecting the rights of oneself and others)
* has unpredictable mood swings, blows hot and cold, often suddenly and without warning
* is inconsistent in their judgement, often overruling, ignoring or denying what they said previously
* is inflexible and unable to evaluate options and alternatives
* is unforgiving and often seizes on and exploits others' mistakes or perceived mistakes
* is financially irresponsible and often has a bad credit rating
* has a cavalier attitude to Health and Safety
* is quick to anger and often has an unpredictable temper
* can be unpredictably and disarmingly pleasant, especially when you are unmasking them in front others - this plays on people's sympathies and is a use of guilt for manipulation and control
* is often humourless and emotionally flat; attempts at humour are often shallow and superficial
* is insecure and sees others as a threat; the threat seems to comprise a fear of exposure of inadequacy, and often borders on paranoia; the individual may have a paranoid personality
* is uncommunicative and uncooperative, and is evasive when asked for information (eg by subordinates)
* for communication, often relies excessively or exclusively on memos, emails, yellow stickies, or third parties and other strategies for avoiding face-to-face contact
* has no listening skills, ignores and overrules you; it can be like talking to a brick wall
* displays inappropriate and hostile body language
* makes inappropriate eye contact, either too little (or none at all) or too much (staring)
* often reported as having an evil stare, sometimes with eyes that appear black rather than coloured
* is unable to sustain a mature adult conversation (you may only realise this in retrospect)
* sees people as objects (in the same way that child sex abusers and rapists see their targets as objects for their gratification)
* often displays interpersonal behavior that is ill-advised, especially with a sexual overtone, eg invasion of intimate zone, gestures or comments which include inappropriate sexual references or innuendo, being inappropriately intimate with clients, being too friendly too soon, etc
* is incapable of intimacy
* lacks a conscience and shows no remorse
* displays excessive and rigid adherence to procedures, rules, regulations etc, usually as a cover for lack of creativity; their work is largely bureaucratic in nature and obedience of orders from above is a priority
* finds ritual important and comforting, and frequently indulges in ritual and ritualistic activity
* often forms or joins lots of committees to look busy and important but never achieves anything of significance or value
* when called upon to exercise judgement, relies on and insists on rigid adherence to procedures and rules (this is an abdication of responsibility and an admission of inability to manage)
* gains gratification from bullying people by imposing rules, regulations, laws etc and insisting on adherence thereto, regardless of their relevance or efficacy
* often exhibits a psychopathic personality, the main features of which are:

* an unwillingness to conform to the rules of society: thinks that rules, regulations, procedures and the law do not apply to them - but insists that others adhere rigidly
* an inability to tolerate minor frustrations
* a tendency to act impulsively, recklessly and randomly
* an inability to form stable relationships (the bully's private life is usually a mess)
* an inability or unwillingness to learn from past experience, however unpleasant - this "learning blindness" is a key feature of the serial bully and differentiates the serial bully from the unwitting bully; this inability to learn seems to be concentrated in the area of interpersonal, social, communication and behavioural skills; closer inspection suggests that the bully does learn from experience, but only how be more secretive and how to be more skilled at evading accountability

Other adjectives to describe the serial bully include cunning, conniving, scheming, calculating, cruel, sadistic, ruthless, treacherous, premeditated, exploitative, pernicious, malevolent, obnoxious, opportunist, unconcerned, etc.

The lack of interpersonal, social, and empathic skills are reminiscent of autism; the serial bully relies almost entirely on rules, procedures, aggression, denial and mimicry to hide their lack of people skills. Psychopaths and sociopaths are often excellent actors and mimics.

Most people with this profile are incompetent at their job and the bullying is intended to hide this incompetence. However, a few recent cases suggest that some serial bullies (especially the quiet ones):

* are good at carrying out rule-based or procedurally-oriented jobs which require no free thinking or imagination; these people fall down when required to step outside this role, eg dealing with people
* (especially males) excel in one area of work (usually scientific in nature) and may be regarded as the leading authority in their field but are lacking in almost every other respect, especially in interpersonal skills (this is reminiscent of savant syndrome); they also tend to be physically aggressive and may have a reputation for sexual harassment