I'm haunted by bad memories. [View All]

[Droopy]

I'm 31 now and I've done a lot of changing over the last couple of years. But I'm still haunted by memories of my youth. I used to be a real asshole. From my teenage years as a punk to my twenties when I was suffering from a severe, untreated, mental illness I've done and said a lot of bad things. And I've hurt a lot of people. I didn't get away with it all (I've been convicted of a couple of misdemeanors), but I've gotten away with most of it and my criminal record should be longer than it is. But I'm paying now. I simply can't shrug off the bad memories as me being just a kid or insanity. I feel responsible for all those misdeeds no matter what my mental state.

Is there anything I can do to keep from reliving the past? I wouldn't care if it were good memories, but it's always the bad shit that I seem to remember. And I'm not dredgeing this stuff up. It just pops into my mind. I'll be driving down a road and see a church and it'll pop into my head, "Remember that time you vandalized a church?" I'll be watching a movie and somebody will be cussing out somebody and it'll pop into my head, "Remember that time you cussed out a cop?"

I've heard that meditation can help with this sort of thing, but I can't get myself into the lotus position. What do you think? Is there anything I can do or is this my penance?