Reply #7: Well, it's three-fold... [View All]

[Deja Q]

1. My surgery has not resolved the core problems and now my feet are getting tingly. It's getting worse each day. Of course, I spent three fucking years trying to tell people what my symptoms were, just to be told it was just anxiety. (even my ex-counselor had said to a co-worker who brought me in "You mean he really has those symptoms?" I refuse to see another fucking quack, I'd rather rot than to be told it's nothing. It isn't nothing and if it took 3 years to get anything done before, it makes no god damn difference now. I already know I'm about to experience a catastrophic change...)

2. Our lives depend on money. I am out of a job and my savings will be reduced to Zero by end end of August. No money = no life. It's as simple as that.

3. I've been having problems with my heart rate... Not yet confirmed by a doctor, but it's likely related to a congenital condition I have.

Maybe I have more time than that, but one thing is certain: I don't expect to be alive by year's end. Physical degeneration or extermination of funds is going to be the cause. I've decided to attempt to ride out the money thing and prepare myself emotionally for the end. Seems better than to think things will continue undifferentiated and then feel the brunt of my own personal crash if/when the time comes. (maybe I will survive what is to happen, but I may as well get the shock out my system now.)