Grrr...argument with fundie relative...what to do? [View All]

[friesianrider]

This is long, but advice needed on what to do next...

My step-grandmother and my side of the family have never gotten along - mainly because she uses my grandfather (22 years her senior) financially and otherwise. She's been downright rude to my uncle, my mother, and I, particularly because we are all flaming libs, and she's a right-wing fundie nut (she's got about 15 700 Club stickers on her Cadillac). But because we love my grandfather, we try our best to keep our mouths shut and play nice. There have been times though that we got into heated debates and she got angry, because every other word out of her mouth is about the Bible, Bush, or Christianity.

For a bit more background, she sees EVERYTHING as a competition between "her" side of the family and "our" side of the family, especially because her granddaughter is only 5 years younger than me, and both my Mom and I and her daughter and granddaughter are all into horses. After my grandfather had his second heart attack, we were all down in Virginia visiting him, and my mother stated that she was looking into selling our small home and buying some land to keep our horses with us. As we talked about moving, my GF stated to us - in front of my step-grandmother - that the house they were living in at the time would be "the last house he lived in" because the trouble of moving, etc would be too much for him. Well, less than 3 months later my S-GM decides she wants to buy some land and have a horse farm (with her husband who was 79 years old at the time, just had his 2nd heart attack and doesn't even like horses). We all figured it was because she probably wanted to have a farm so that when my GF dies, she would have it to give to her kids - she even said this in fewer words.

It ended up she had pissed through so much of my GF's government pension (around $300,000) that there wasn't enough left to buy her farm, so she ended up with a 2 acre plot of land. Just afterwards, my Mother was able to buy a lovely 12 acre horse farm with a large brand new home. Ever since my GF and S-GM came to see it, she has been VERY rude to us and spends 10-20 minutes everytime we talk to her complaining about something on our farm not being "nice" enough and how much "nicer" her daughter's X, Y or Z is than ours.

So to get to the point, we're all down at their house in VA this weekend, and we weren't there 5 minutes before she starts complaining that every crime committed in Roanoke is "some black person" and how she "doesn't even have to hear the name to know it is some black person who did it." Later in the night she complains that on some TV show she was watching, the people decorated it "in black and gold, like what black families always decorate with." Still, I kept my mouth shut to keep the peace...on Saturday night I'm laying in bed around 1 am trying to sleep and I hear her cell phone ring. It's her daughter - apparently her 17-year-old granddaughter was arrested and jailed for speeding, underage drinking, and drunk driving. (!) She tried to keep it quiet, but we could literally hear her daughter through the phone screaming and carrying on, so we got the story from my GF. The next morning, we found out that her granddaughter had just gotten her license back from a 6 month suspension a month before this arrest happened, for speeding. So less than one month after getting her license back, she not only did the same thing but did it while driving drunk. We also learned that her granddaughter had told the police one story nad her mother another - so she is lying to one or the other about what exactly happened.

My fundie S-GM starts going off about how they're going to sue whoever gave her granddaughter the alcohol and they're going to press charges, blah, blah, blah (which is a valid charge of course), but they only had to "find out from Ashley who gave it to her." She also blamed the entire thing on the fact that Ashley listens to "black rap music". My first though was, since she is known to be having some problems with being honest, that she might have stolen the alcohol...either from a store or more likely, from her parent's fridge or a friend's parents...and may finger someone who did nothing wrong. I said, "you should also be careful to consider that she may have stolen it - many kids steal it from their parents or friend's parent's and won't want to admit it." This COMPLETELY set my S-GM off and she starts SCREAMING at me that how dare I call her granddaughter a thief (which I did not say) that I always insult her politics and her religion, and now I'm insulting her family, and she "knows" what her Ashley is and she's "not a thief" (right, she's just a liar and a drunk driver) :eyes: She told me that "you people" (meaning our side of the fam) always insult her and we need to just get the hell out of her house. She also started throwing in my face anythingshe knew of that I did wrong when I was around 16 and 17 (and the worst thing was that I snuck a boyfriend of mine in my window once - I've never even had a speeding ticket, let alone been arrested). She then started going off that I admitted to her that I drove drunk before I was 21...when I started laughing and saying that was absurd I never said that because it didn't happen, she starts going off that "well, must have been a slip of the tongue than WASN'T it!?" The worst part is, when we saw her last, she went on some rant about girls who have abortions should have their parents charged with murder too, because "parents need to be held responsible for their kids' actions no matter what."

So, my question finally is...what do I do? I apologized to her that what I said upset her, but I did not apologize for saying that it is at least possible that she stole it and to be cautious about what she says since she has lied before and lied about what exactly happened that night. We packed up and left without seeing her (she locked herself in the bedroom) but she has not emailed or called me to say anything. Should I try to contact her or what? I love my Pop-Pop and want to see him again, but he is becoming older and increasingly dependent on her - she even screens his phone calls. She is EXTREMELY controlling, and my grandfather is in no position to fight with her about seeing us or allowing us back to their house. I love him and want to preserve my relationship with him for he likely won't be around too much longer, but now she is supremely PO'd. What can or should I do?