Reply #49: a good point [View All]

[unpossibles]

for example, my wife is perfect in my opinion, and I know it's not just me that feels that way because she gets a lot of compliments and even more not-so-complimentary "compliments" if you know what I mean. I tell her every day that she looks wonderful and is beautiful, and also other non-physical things I love about her.

And it drives me crazy sometimes, but she hates the way she looks. As someone who grew up chunky, got really skinny in college, and is now in between, I am very sympathetic to how she feels, to want to shed a couple of pounds or get in better shape or what have you. And I know she often is attracted to skinny people, so it's understandable, AND even more importantly, it's her body: if she wants to lose weight, that's her deal.

Where it sucks though is that I have noticed she is absolutely unforgiving to herself on things where she would give someone else a little benefit of the doubt. In other words, friends of hers who are bigger than she is are "not fat" but she calls herself a "cow" sometimes. It really saddens me. Like I said, I can relate to the desire to improve one's physical fitness or appearance, but it's scary too. I also know that perfectionism and eating disorders can often go hand in hand, and sometimes it's hard to separate the two.

Of course, if the person in question is not a friend, she is a bit less than forgiving, but that's another story all together. Sadly she has occasionally said things about my weight - I am on the upper edge of what is considered optimum weight for my height/build, but have been so fairly consistently since we've known each other. I've tried to lose a couple of pounds - both for her and for me - but it seldom stays off, and frankly I do it more for her than for me, and that bothers me sometimes too.

But anyway, back to the OP, there is a chance that Jeff is not the problem with her weight, especially if she is already thin. As someone who lost a lot of weight once, I did not realize how skinny I was for a long time because (a) it happens to you over time and (b) I was too hung up on the details to notice the big picture, if you know what I mean.