Reply #3: It IS sad, but the one thing I never hear is [View All]

[Occulus]

how to deal with it. especially after so many years, and still hurting inside almost as umch as I did the day after it happened.

That's what so many people don't understand. The pain hasn't ended. Time hasn't dimmed it; I get reminders almost every day of what I lost from my life. Not to mention, they turned my greatest joy into my greatest shame into the bargain.

I don't want anything to do with music or performance or composing or any of what I once loved because of the shame I feel over having to leave it and hot being able to get back to it. And that was, honestly, what kept getting me out of bed every morning... and they knew that.

But then, these are the same people who knew I was musically talented when I was five- to the point that they "were going to" put me on the Suzuki violin method. Had they done so, I'd be a concert violinist by now, probably a soloist. I'm not being modest- that was what my potential was; I was playing extracts from "Rhapsody in Blue" by the time I was a high school senior, and without any piano lessons, to boot.

My mom still won't get the piano tuned, like she promised me in an IOU in lieu of a birthday gift when I was 18 or 19... and just relating that one brings tears to my eyes....

It's as if they wanted to hurt me as badly as they possibly could, without laying a finger on me so nobody else would know. They could not have done a more complete job if they had sat down and planned it all from the beginning. Not that they did that, but damn if it doesn't look as though that's the case...