Questions about annulments [View All]

[pnwmom]

My parents divorced after more than two decades and never got an annulment. My mother was advised that it wouldn't be possible, and money was very tight, so she didn't fight it. She eventually became involved with another Catholic man, but they were never free to marry, and he eventually died. I always felt so sorry that she couldn't have had the loving marriage that she deserved.

There were two reasons she was told she couldn't get an annulment. Were they correct or was she misled?

The first was that my father had no interest in participating in the process. Can you get an annulment if one of the parties washes his hands of the process?

The second was that my father was gay. I know that as recently as the 70's, being gay was not considered to be an impediment to marriage with a woman. Essentially, the Church didn't recognize that a person was gay. In other words, there were gay actions, which were sinful -- but not gay human beings. Also, gay sex wasn't considered to be adultery, since adultery by definition involved heterosexual relations.

Since my father was capable of sexual relations with my mother -- they had several children -- the fact that he knew he was inclined toward men before the marriage, and was involved with men throughout the marriage, didn't matter. He didn't marry with the intention to be unfaithful, according to the theory of the Church, because gay sex didn't violate those promises -- it was sinful, but not adulterous. (In other words, a man is still faithful to his wife if he has gay sex but not if he has a mistress.)

Is this still the position of the Church -- that gay sex doesn't constitute adultery, and continuing to have gay sex after marriage doesn't invalidate a marriage -- or has the view changed over the last few decades?