Right-Wing Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes [View All]

[Bob Geiger]

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old Democratic Underground mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate or general nutcase tries to give me my comeuppance this week.

[e-mail], writing about Lieutenant Ehren Watada, who has refused to be deployed to Iraq based on the illegal and immoral nature of the war writes…

Lieutenant Ehren Watada's <sic> is a coward and should be shot!

And I say…

Dear [e-mail],

In what branch of the military did you serve? If you haven't served yet and are in your late teens, 20s or 30s, when are you going to sign up to go to Iraq for Bush's noble cause?

I won't hold my breath waiting for your reply.

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Mr. Robert Anderson sends along a nice note about Democrats who want to bring our troops home from Iraq…

Dear Bob,

These folks who make the comments they do with out <sic> having been there are really something. To think that my son and the other soldiers risked their lives for these people does not make my day. Having our soldiers tortured then be headed <sic> shows what type of individuals we are dealing with. Being a retired police officer, I would dread to think of the panic that would take hold of this country if the terrorists began suicide bombings in our country.

If these Democrats were around when George Washington was alive they would have given up at the first shot that the Brittish <sic> fired. Instead of impeachment they should get on their knees and thank God for President Bush who has the guts to stand up to politicians and these savages to defend our country. If these terrorists take over, these Democrats will wish to God that they had defended this President instead of always cutting him up. God Bless our troops, God Bless our country, and God Bless our President.

To which I reply…

Dear Robert,

As someone who gets a lot of e-mail from inarticulate, right-wing troglodytes, I have to say that I don't think I've seen anyone put so many dumb statements in one short e-mail. Congratulations. You are a true Republican among Republicans.

I'll take your points in some semblance of order.

- The main person calling for the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq is Congressman John Murtha, a highly-decorated combat Veteran with 37 years in the Marine Corps. I think he's "been there." Have you?

- If you have a son in Iraq I thank him for his service but need to address the truth that he is not fighting for me or any other American there. He is fighting for George W. Bush's agenda that has nothing whatsoever to do with the security of our country. Now that should make you mad.

- I suspect many Democrats -- especially Vets like Murtha, John Kerry and me -- would have picked up arms against the British with great gusto. Why? Now read this very slowly so you understand: They were a real risk to the freedom we were trying to attain -- not a figment of the president's imagination. Please write back and tell me what part of the Iraq attack against America I missed.

- As for your blind loyalty to a lying coward like Bush who has put your child in danger for no reason, lied to our country repeatedly and is bankrupting our treasury, I suspect that even if his approval rating drops to 10 percent, you will be among that number.

Since I'm in a mean mood today, I'll shatter one more of your illusions: When you settle in with a nice cup of cocoa over the weekend to watch "Barney," please know <now lean closer to the screen, Robert> he's not a real dinosaur. I'm sorry.

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Finally, in an e-mail titled " Two Right-Wing Idiots for your blog," our old friend Fred Fittin writes…

Oops.....I meant two Democrat idiots

Ever wonder what the expression "stuck on stupid" meant?

Well here is an example:<Fred inserts picture of Jesse Jackson and Cindy Sheehan here>

The grinning idiot clinging to Je$$e Jack$on is Cindy Sheehan... the sob sister protesting the war at Bush's ranch, who lost her son in the war, the same son she gave up in her divorce when he was 7 years old.

And by the way if you wonder why she has so much free time ... she is going through another divorce right now and guess what? She is giving up custody of another son.

As Forest <sic> Gump once wisely proclaimed, "Stupid is as stupid does."

Dear Fred,

I can't tell you how refreshing it always is to hear from a Republican after so many e-mails from liberal readers citing Thomas Jefferson, Plato and Socrates. With you, I get Forrest Gump. Thank you.

I've contacted both Jesse Jackson and Cindy Sheehan and relayed your remarks. Like, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, who you so grievously wounded last time you wrote to me, they were very hurt. You actually made Jesse Jackson speechless -- I'm sure I saw tears in his eyes -- and Ms. Sheehan said this:

"I thought losing a son to Bush's insane war was horrible, but now I have the Fred Fittin saying such terrible things about me. It's going to be tough but, like Harry Reid, I'll try to go on without the endorsement of someone with Fred's stature in the world."

Shame on you, Fred. Can't you use your extreme power and influence for good?

As for her divorce, well, that's easy for you to say, Fred. I'm not sure if the research would back me up on this, but I'm sure that people in your neck of the woods, who marry their siblings, have a lower percentage of painful divorces. Of course, we all have to live with the specter of you creating yet more inbred Republicans, don't we?

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Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at [e-mail] and read more from him at Democrats.com.