Reply #239: Republicans tend to be assholes. [View All]

[lumberjack_jeff]

But Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, therefore it's grossly unfair to consider Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin to be assholes. The "tendencies" don't matter unless they're absolute, right?

Despite the outliers there is enough legitimacy to the generalization to account for the results. By just about any measure, boys are clearly in crisis. They are less likely to get an education than the men of previous generations and their female peers. They are more likely to commit and be the victims of violent crime. They are more likely to commit suicide. One person's statistics is another persons stereotypical generality, I guess. I find less fulfillment in the idea that it's all their own fault than you appear to.

Trangendered kids face their own set of problems that I'm not equipped to fully understand.

I've thought about the question "what's tangibly different?". Tendencies are relevant enough to have systemic effect. Girls tend to create social relationships. Boys tend to compete.

Those social relationships are frequently the basis of a girls self-image. If the right friends like them, then they must be okay. It is the foundation, the fundamental power that "the mean girls" have over others.

The competition that boys engage in is based on disregard for those social relationships. "I'm the best there is, and maybe I'll prove it, maybe I won't. It doesn't matter what you think, because if you were as smart as me, you wouldn't think *you* are the best."

That fundamental difference results in a kind of self governance by girls that boys aren't equipped with. The members of a circle of friends can't be so transparently arrogant and self centered and remain a group. Boys don't learn that because the group is less important to them.

Girls form circles of friends. Boys form gangs and teams. The external purpose of the latter is mutual cooperation to attain a goal they couldn't individually, the internal purpose is proving superiority.

That arrogance is healthy and normal, but someone along the line has to bring that self-image in line with the need to treat others with respect.

When we say that a man suffers from "arrested development", what do we mean? Almost always we mean that the man is self-centered, egocentric and dismissive of the impact his choices have on others. Do women suffer from arrested development? What would that mean? If it doesn't mean the same thing as it means for a man, then doesn't it imply that suppressing that arrogance and egocentricity isn't a meaningful developmental milestone for girls?

Moms are less able to recognize the disciplinary need, because they've never had it. If junior has a circle of friends, the bratty selfishness will take care of itself, right? "I just don't understand; why doesn't he pick up his room? Does he think I'm his maid? How can he be so selfish?"

The answers are "no", "of course you don't", "yes" and "because he's built that way". They are as puzzled by their sons behavior as I am when a girl cries "Susie doesn't like me!"; I lack a frame of reference.

That's one relevant example top-down example, there are others.

The bottom-up dynamic remains. Mom is not a sufficient model for a boy to extrapolate what being a man is. Even an absent dad serves as a model through the words and attitudes of others. "I'm going to be a man in a few years. Mom says they're pigs. The TV says they're pigs. My teacher thinks they're pigs (but what does she know? School is obviously for girls)".

Inevitably, someone will post about "my ignorant stereotypes" about girls. "You clearly have no idea how girls work!"

They never step back for a moment to realize that this is exactly my point... In exactly the same way that I'm at a disadvantage in understanding girls, women are at a disadvantage understanding boys...

...and I've thought about this topic a lot.