It's so hard for us to lead by example... [View All]

[rbnyc]

...when we've been punished for it so many times. It's so hard for us to do the right thing just because it's the right thing to do, when so many are conspiring to make sure that right action is ineffective. And for me, personally, it's so hard not to hate many specific people who have done so much evil in this world.

But President Obama said the right things last night. He was right. And despite the false equivalency, a leader does not say, "You do this." A leader say's "Let's do this." A leader does not say, "You go." A leader says, "Come with me."

We must continue to talk about these issues, and we must hold our opposition accountable for the harmful behavior that makes the whole world so much worse. But we do have to do it in a way that promotes healing and leaves room for the opposition to exist. We must act like its possible for all of us to grow and learn, despite the odds, despite the inventory of evidence that some people will never change. If we don't, then we are the ones who are making it impossible.

I also had a strange mental rambling while I was in the shower this morning. I imagined I had two children, Bobby and Susie. Bobby pulled Susie's hair once, and Susie kicked Bobbie in the balls 6 times. As a parent, I would not invest in establishing that Susie is worse than Bobbie. I would hold them each accountable for their actions and help them each to mature. But making sure that everyone understands that Susie is so much worse would not help Susie to get better. As a parent, I wouldn't do that to her. The thing is, in this situation, I'm not the parent. I'm Bobby. And I'm really mad! (Plus, Susie didn't kick me in the balls, she helped to murder some of my friends...)

Nonetheless, I'm really going to try to do better, without ignoring the substance of what is happening. I am going to try to remember to ask myself, always, "What does this serve? Does this serve the truth, or does it serve my venom? Does this help? Is this in good faith?"