Reply #47: Thanks ... [View All]

[JoePhilly]

And you are correct ... you can't blame the parents for everything.

In reality, kids are very resilient. Some survive incredible abuse and come out ok after.

And some who are abused are damaged so badly that they never recover.

My point in part was how parents should approach it. If you start with the position that you have to resort to violence then it is YOUR fault ... then you are far more likely to pay attention and try to prevent situations where that would happen.

For some kids, particularly those who have other issues, chemical imbalances, etc ... the situation is different ... but that is not to say that violent response is ok there either.

Often chemical imbalances can be managed via diet and appropriate meds. And other behavioral efforts as well.

Here is an example ... as a Psych graduate student, I spent 6-9 months working in a psych ward for youth clients. Most were non-violent, but a few could get agitated and become aggressive and violent.

One of the things we found is that a few of those who became violent had learned that by acting violent, they would be moved to a solitary room with some (limited) restraints ... but once in this room, they would have a staff member right there with them to talk to and interact with. Which was really what they wanted. We found that if one of these kids began to act up, we could cut it off by simply engaging them one-on-one for a brief period. You just needed to recognize the signs.

Similarly, we found that some of the kids would act up after receiving a food reward ... the reward tended to be something sweet like some fruit loops ... I kid you not ... kids with medical imbalances, were given fruit loops for good behavior ... then they act up because the sugar gives them an energy surge and they can't control it. Changing the rewards to something behavioral, some positive activity they liked made a huge difference ... you just needed to figure out what it was.