Reply #94: I told him for a number of reasons .... but probably the main reason was ... [View All]

[JoePhilly]

... he was asking questions about abortion.

He and I have been discussing politics, philosophy, psychology, human sexuality, etc ... since he was very young ... pre-teen even.

I've always treated all of our kids honestly, almost like adults, but with a smaller vocabulary and a shorter personal history for "context".

When you talk to kids, you need to be able to gauge what you say and how you say it relative to their maturity level. Not all kids are mature enough to have deep discussions on such issues.

At 15, my son was able to have such a discussion. And I already know that mt 12 year old daughter could have such a discussion NOW (we have not needed such a discussion, but she's more than ready) ... and my 10 year old daughter, well, I'll be surprised if she's mature enough for such a discussion at 18 (she still wants to pretend that Santa exists).

And so, my son did not experience any "harm" in this discussion. Far from it. At no time did I tell my son that we did not want him. At no time in his life has he thought .... "my mother apologized to me for having me, when she didn't really want children". Our son has never questioned our love for him, or our desire to have him. We've never given him a reason to doubt it.

And please don't take this the wrong way ... but I think that the concern you raised reflects lingering issues that you might still need to deal with. You mother told you something that you were not ready to hear. Your mother may have told you the truth, but it sounds like she told you a truth before you would be able to hear it.

Here's another related story.

I learned from my mother, when I was about 16, that she and my father got her pregnant before they were married, because my mother's parents didn't like my dad. And so my mother and father used her pregnancy (ME) to force their marrage. I suppose that I could have heard that as "they did not want ME, they just wanted to get married".

Does that sound familiar? That info could have screwed me up!!

But it didn't. I'm here.

And isn't that all that matters once you ARE here?