N.H. Now Gives Adoptees Birth Certificates

[Tab]

CONCORD, N.H. - In a bittersweet moment, a half-dozen adults adopted as children lined up Monday to take advantage of a new state law to get copies of their birth certificates. Among them: a state lawmaker who was herself adopted.

Jack Ferns, 53, of Loudon, had hoped his father's name would be on the certificate, but it wasn't.

"I was hoping it was, but I was a realist, too," he said a few minutes after getting his certificate.

Ferns said he knew his birth mother's name, and she died two years after he was adopted. He said he also knows some of his relatives — his uncle came with him to the Division of Vital Records to offer support.
...
The law took effect on New Year's Day, giving Ferns and other adult adoptees access to their original birth certificates if they were born in New Hampshire. Monday was the first day they could obtain the certificates after filing out a request form and paying a $12 research fee.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=533&e=5&u=/ap/20050103/ap_on_re_us/adoption_law

[MissB]

1. Same thing happened in Oregon, apparently.

Just noticed a local story with the same theme.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

6. I was living in Oregon when that was under discussion, and

all the older women in my apartment building were dead set against it.

They were still of the mindset that having a child out of wedlock was a horrible shame, and that no woman should be required to reveal it. They said that the women's husbands and children and friends would disown them if they found out.

I maintained that anybody who disowned a woman for something she had done as a teenager was not worth having around, but these older women were still caught up in the double standard, in which any unmarried woman who wasn't a virgin was a whore.

[Lefty48197]

2. People have a right to know their own family medical history.

Their right to know outweighs the birth parents right to privacy.

[Erika]

3. I've only had 1 experience with this situation

In my state, natural parents can agree to have their identity made known to the child when the child reaches the age of 16.

This happened to a coworker when her 16 year old son contacted her. She had gone on to marry after the adoption and had more children which she kept.

It ended badly. The son never reconciled the fact that she had given him up. When he was 20, he committed suicide.

She wasn't even listed in the obit. His adoptive parents were extremely bitter.

I have strong doubts whether contacts should be made between the adopted child and the natural parents.

[mamalone]

4. As an adoptive parent..

I really think that it is best if the records are as open as possible. That said, I think that often it is best if the actual contact waits until the adoptee reaches adulthood. Now some adoptions are very open with ongoing contact between all of the parties and that is a different thing altogether. In our family's case we have a fairly open situation. My son's birthmother actually lives in our community and our paths would occasionally cross..she got pictures a time or two a year and we'd send her flowers on my ds' birthday. That said, my ds didn't actually know who she was, which was the way I wanted it. When I tell my ds the story of his birth and adoption I always paint a warm and rosy picture of a group of people who all loved him and wanted the best for him. That is all true (I'd never lie to him), but it does leave out some very unpleasant facts..things that will be very difficult for him to deal with...things that will be easier for him to deal with and accept when he has the maturity of years. I love adoption, I think it is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced, but there is so much pain associated with it as well. So much loss, longing and confusion about who loves "best". My son tells me that when he was growing inside of his birthmother he was crying for me, and I know that he longs for her now on some level. For today, he knows that she was very beautiful, and that she thought he was beautiful as well..that's all his little 5yo heart can bear, I think.

[shrike]

10. I knew a family who did an open adoption

when it was still an unusual occurence. It seemed to help the birth mother quite a bit. She would ask to come by when the boy was young, and would just enjoy watching him play. It must have been comforting to know he was in a good home. She went on with her life, went to school and married, but she and the adult son have a friendly relationship, so I'm told.

[purduejake]

5. When I was 16, I found out the state altered my birthday...

so it would be even more difficult to find birth parents. I only had the information because the adoption attorney died and his secretary "accidentally" sent my parents the records. I was devastated with the realization that I never celebrated my real birthday with people I love.

I've gotten to the point where birthdays are not a big deal now, but some states do horrible things. It's bad enough I have no family medical history.

edit: My birthday was not altered much, unlike many cases I've heard of. I was born on Jan 6, and my new birth certificate and all new records say Jan 16. I was born in Ohio, but have an Indiana birth certificate.

[mamalone]

7. I am so sorry to hear this..

Having something like your own birthdate withheld from you must feel like an incredible violation. As an adoptive mother I would be devastated to find that I had inadvertantly lied to my son about something so basic..so rightfully *his*, as his correct birthdate. Just wanted to let you know that someone else thinks it is a "big deal" and I am thankful for the error that gave you the correct information!
Blessings to you:hug:

[purduejake]

8. Thank you.

I appreciate your concern and understanding. :) I am fine with it now and even celebrate twice with my friends (hey, it's a good excuse to go out and have a few drinks!). The weird thing is that my family totally ignores the real birthday and act as if I was really born on the 16th.

[Erika]

9. Many things about medical records have changed

Now, the vast majority of adoptees do have medical records, because the parents are known. The courts in the country are enacting laws to identify both parents. DNA has made all the difference in the world in identifying fathers and getting their sign-off on adoptions.

Laws are including that the medical history of the parents are turned over to the adoptive parents.

I think alot if this is a maturity matter which a previous poster stated. Many parents decide to keep the child and for one reason or another the child goes thru hell because the parent(s) are not good parents. Many unwanted pregnancies end in abortion.

Loving adoptive parents are to be treasured. I also very much appreciate that people are willing to bring up there is pain in adoptions. This fact is many times hidden and replaced with a Utopian dream that is not reality.

I was so touched with the news article that Tsunami parents who had lost their children were going to orphanages to care for children who had lost their parents. I think much of the same feelings are there in many adoption cases. We reach out not only to meet others needs but also our own.