Whisky of Mass Destruction - how the US spied on a tiny island distillery

[hedgetrimmer]

link: http://www.news.scotsman.com/international.cfm?id=1070422003



~SNIP~

JIM MCBETH
[e-mail]


IN THE wavering image of a webcam, the figures moved with the sinister intent of those whose mission is mayhem. Thank heavens "Ursula" was watching ...

If the slightest possibility exists that Bruichladdich distillery on Islay is a threat to world peace, we need to know.

For it has been revealed that Ursula, a spy with the US Defence Threat Reduction Agency - "Our mission to safeguard the US and its allies from weapons of mass destruction" - has been monitoring the island distillery.

Apparently, it takes just a "tweak" - her words - in the process of making whisky and Bruichladdich could be churning out chemical weapons.

And, naturally, Mark Reynier, the managing director of the Port Charlotte distillery, found out that he was being spied on only when the Americans admitted it.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

1. Screw that...

Those goons want to know when the time is right to order a few cases from that Georgetown package store that specializes in whiskies such as that. Greedy bastards.

[Nevernose]

2. I never thought I'd say this

But thank God for the Bush administration! I, for one, will sleep better tonight knowing that my supply of booze is safe and secure. I'm sure GW will, too.

[Pale_Rider]

3. Time to break-out the wee sampler of ...

... Bruichladdich that I picked up in Scotland for such an occasion!

[rocktivity]

4. No doubt Ursula will be leaving to spend more time with her family

"We install webcams to show the world our whisky is distilled traditionally...We get an e-mail from ‘Ursula’ informing us one of our webcams is faulty. We reply, thanking her and inquire who she is...my reply elicited another reply and it had the name of the Defence Threat Reduction Agency (DTRA) on it. I thought, ‘What the hell?’ I wrote back and all was revealed. We were on a ‘hot list’."

Her e-mail read: "...Our mission is to safeguard the US and its allies from weapons of mass destruction...their chemical processes look very similar to your distilling process...‘(T)weaks’ to the process can create something very pleasant (whisky) or deadly (chemical weapons)."

I don't know what's more hilarious--Ursula's being dumb enough to blow her cover, or DTRA's believing that someone would be dumb enough to make chemical weapons with an online camera rolling! If DTRA thought something suspicious was going on, why didn't they just pay the distillery a house call?


rocknation

[FireHeart]

8. Oh my...

I misread the definition of DTRA. I didn't have my glasses on, and I SWORE it read "Defense Thirst Reduction Agency".

Oh my. :evilgrin:

[jamesinca]

5. This should cause for a warm reception to Bush

When he goes to meet the Queen, do you think the U.K. will like the idea that they have been spied on by the U.S. in the name of terroism? To Dubya I say this: All that cocaine has made you paranoid.

[Don_G]

6. Then Kentucky Is Rife With Spies?

Considering that Kentucky is the source of a significant fraction of the world's Bourbon supply, then we must have a spy colony established here with a seperate department at Brown-Forman Distillieries to pick up on what the field agents missed.

I'll have to switch to a Bourbon and Branch Water (shaken, not stirred) with a twist of lemon too.

[Mari333]

7. Scotland is a "Dark country" says Rev Pat

ergo, it must be watched, what with all those pagans and heathens running amuck, drinking, and actually having a good time.
PS...Our tax money goes to this shite.

[Don_G]

9. Spies Like Us

Here's the link to the Web Cams for all thirsty spies and patriots: http://62.6.145.234/