Plans for Holy Land theme park on Galilee shore where Jesus fed the 5,000

[deminks]

Conal Urquhart in Tel Aviv
Wednesday January 4, 2006
The Guardian


The Israeli government is planning to give up a large slice of land to American Christian evangelicals to build a biblical theme park by the Sea of Galilee where Jesus is said to have walked on water and fed 5,000 with five loaves and two fish.

A consortium of Christian groups, led by the television evangelist Pat Robertson, is in negotiation with the Israeli ministry of tourism and a deal is expected in the coming months. The project is expected to bring up to 1 million extra tourists a year but an undeclared benefit will be the cementing of a political alliance between the Israeli rightwing and the American Christian right.

The site of the centre, covering nearly 50 hectares (125 acres) and provisionally called the Galilee World Heritage Park, would be north-east of the Mount of the Beatitudes where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, and Capernaum which was described as the town of Jesus in the Bible. It would feature a garden and nature park, an auditorium, a Holy Land exhibition, outdoor amphitheatres, information centre and a media studio.

The ministry of tourism estimates the total cost would be $48m (£28m). Mr Pulik also pointed out that the project would bring large numbers of jobs to the area. Mr Robertson said in a statement that he was "fully cooperating" with the project but no deal had been formalised. He said he was thrilled that "there will be a place in the Galilee where evangelical Christians from all over the world can come to celebrate the actual place where Jesus Christ lived and taught".

http://www.guardian.co.uk/israel/Story/0,2763,1677557,00.html?gusrc=rss

[VegasWolf]

1. Watch Jesus walk on water everyday at 10:30, 12:00, 2:30, 4:00.

:bounce:

[aquart]

6. Then sit down to a nice meal of loaves and fishes.

For a slight fee.

This is really, really, really gross.

[Judi Lynn]

12. McDonald's fish sandwiches, no doubt. Tasty.

Accompanied, no doubt, by a glass of water with a kool-aid packet, re-enacting the beloved "turning water into wine" miracle.

[InsultComicDog]

38. Maybe Michael Jackson can open up a "Jesus Juice" concession n/t

[saigon68]

68. Priests could also "counsel" children

[sarcasmo]

76. Fred Phelps will have a gay bashing stand free of charge.

[mom cat]

47. And another stand for fish and chips.

[Tight_rope]

58. LMBAO....Thanks for a great morning laugh!

[JNelson6563]

59. Good one.

<snarf>

[TayTay]

2. OMG! This is priceless

and sad. This is going to be built on disputed land, right.

Leave it to the Fundies to spoil 2,000+ years of allowing that site to be sacred and ruining it for the Almight Dollar. Figures.

[trogdor]

15. I thought it was an Onion piece for a minute.

Crazy Pat is serious. God help us.

[jhain]

66. it's not Onion??

I swear- I am beginning to think I fell asleep watching Saturday Night Live sometime in 1978 maybe....and I can't wake up.

This shit is REAL??

[Poll_Blind]

75. And people get on France's back for trying to preserve their culture...

Sheesh! Gotta say that Israel is in the financial shitter but it would have been nice to bring in the money some other way- which they probably can't.

PB

[Ezlivin]

3. It makes the targeting of bombs so much easier

It seems like a theme park such as this would be a terrorist's wet dream.

The thrill ride will be entering and leaving with your limbs intact. Yowza! What a security nightmare it could be....

[0rganism]

25. Will they put mortar base plates in the ferris wheel carriages?

Yet another excellent opportunity to combine recreation and insurrection.

[Christa]

4. Will they feed the vistors for free?

:evilgrin:

[struggle4progress]

44. What are ya, some kinda Communist? eom

[ChairmanAgnostic]

5. Take a ride on the Jesus Slide, get your blessed burgers here,

photo with your very own BVM cardboard virgin. You want fries with that Blessed Burger? Touch god by taking the Holy Ferris Wheel! Get your very own Holy T-shirts - which glow in the dark and guide your way through our very own Amazing Grace Maze!

[AspenRose]

7. No. NO. A thousand times, please God, NO.

It's official: NOTHING is sacred anymore. x(

[maxrandb]

36. Made me think of this

"Disillusion words like bullets bark,
As human guns aim for their mark,

Make everything from toy guns that spark
to flesh colored Christ's that glow in the dark

It's easy to see, without looking to far
that not much is really sacred"

"And if my thought dreams, could be seen
They'd probably put my head in a guillotine

But it's alright ma'
It's life and life only" - B. Dylan

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

8. That is just so completely abhorrent a concept

My only comfort is derived from the hope that Patwah Robertson and his ilk will find themselves burning in the pits of hell for their disservice to the King.

[TrueAmerican]

9. Sign me up for a Jacuzzi Suite n/t

;)

[proReality]

10. How utterly tacky n/t

[Initech]

11. If Pat Robertson owns a theme park, I'll never go there!

[LostinVA]

13. I heard Long John Silver's has the food franchise

[teenagebambam]

14. Having been there....

....I imagine it might be a little disconcerting for the tourists to hear the sound of shoulder-fired missiles being lobbed over the Lebanese border by Palestinians, which is CONSTANTLY heard in the background.

[NanceGreggs]

16. Does anyone remember the Fundie theme-park ...

... and vacation spot that Jim Bakker and Tammy-Faye were building back in the late 'eighties-early 'nineties? I can't remember the name.

Anyway, they got so far in debt, they started 'fudging' the numbers - and then the auditors got suspicious, stepped in -- and Jim & Tammy got brought down by the scandal.

Robertson's organization has been crumbling financially; there have been news reports about bill-collectors going after them for unpaid bills for a while now.

Methinks history is about to repeat itself.

[politicaholic]

21. Heritage Village...

what a way to desecrate the word "heritage". If my heritage involves a "Holy Roller" roller coaster and a paddle boat walk through the bible then I'm getting a tan and learning spanish.

[54anickel]

86. Ever read about the ties between Poppy Bush and Bakker?

http://www.navyseals.com/community/articles/article.cfm?id=5909&page=1

A QUICK QUIZ: Which candidates for the Republican presidential nomination made their personal relationship with Jesus Christ a part of their quest for the White House?

Televangelist Pat Robertson was one of them, but that's easy. There's at least one other: One candidate whose spiritual life had not previously surfaced despite his years of public service, but who told reporters he sat around watching The PTL Club "from time to time," and that when it came to giving money to broadcast preachers like Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, he "certainly wouldn't be opposed to it."

It was the same candidate who, when meeting privately with evangelical church leaders, told them that "Jesus Christ is my personal savior." The same candidate whose advisers received hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees from PTL. The same candidate, in fact, who won the nomination and later the election: George Bush, the pork-rind-munching, country-music-listening, Christian ecstatic from Kennebunkport.

George Bush's interest in Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker went well beyond occasionally enjoying their old TV show. Back in November 1985, when the most worrisome blip on Bush's campaign radar screen seemed to be Pat Robertson's probable candidacy, and when The PTL Club was the most-watched religious show in the country, Bush made a pilgrimage to Charlotte, N.C., to meet with the Rev. Bakker.

Marlin Fitzwater, then Bush's spokesman, said that the two men "discussed their shared Christian beliefs and the possible 1988 candidacy of evangelical Pat Robertson." No doubt. What Bush wanted from Bakker was his endorsement. In 1984, Bakker, together with fellow evangelists Jerry Falwell and Jimmy Swaggart, had joined in registration efforts of the American Coalition for Traditional Values, an organization which later claimed to have signed up some 2 million Christian voters. That fall, Bakker endorsed his first presidential candidate -- Ronald Reagan. Born-again Christians reportedly gave Reagan nearly one out of every five votes he received that year, nearly half his margin of victory. The lesson of 1984 was not lost on Bush. Bakker, for his part, moved one step closer to his dream of ultimate respectabilty -- a position in a Bush White House, exactly what was being dangled in front of him by key Bush advisers.

more...

[politicaholic]

17. "where evangelical Christians from all over the world can come"...

Fuck the other christians. Evangelical end-times nut jobs only.

[Vinnie From Indy]

18. "It's a Small Rapture After All" boat rides

I can picture it now... Riders enter a small boat and are gently eased downstream into a massive building. Upon entering the darkened structure, small robotic figures begin singing "It's a small rapture after all" as they torture other figurines dressed in all manner of ethnic garb representing peoples and cultures from around the world. The next room the singing continues and the small Christian figurines begin to rise to the heavens as the other infidel figurines heads begin exploding as they fall into fiery pit.

Foam rubber thorns of crowns for the kidees and heavenly sized marguritas at the "Water Into Wine Saloon" for mom and dad.

They might have a bit of a cultural problem with the "Torquemada Tornado" roller coaster however.

[jobycom]

28. Don't Spare the Rod Paddleboat rides. Stone the Whore video games

There's even an ampitheater where you can throw semi-fake stones at your spouse if she cheats on you or looks at you wrong. THe stones aren't likely to kill her, but you'll die laughing watching your son knock her silly with the hard rubber "rocks." And teaching your son how to handle his woman... priceless!

Afterwards, dine at the Garden of Eatin' Food Court, where you can eat "forbidden" apples (or persimmons, for those who buy that old story), manna, or the blood of your enemies (You provide the enemy, we'll get his blood for you).

And men, after hours relax at the Bathsheba Bath Rooms, where you will understand the true reason God created Eve (after Lilith ran away) from Adam's "rib." Shhh, we won't tell the little lady. And that wasn't really a rib, Adam was just glaaaaad to see her!

Admission price--current market value of thirty pieces of silver. That's the normal price for selling out your god.

[rsdsharp]

19. And right next door...

will be the Rev. Billy Sol Hargis' Drive-in Baptismal Car Wash. Just open your doors and be saved!

They need to advertise this! Put your hand on the radio! Put your hand on the radio! I say, put your hand on the radio and your foot in the bathtub, and feeeeel the electricity of the Lord comin' your way!

[Judi Lynn]

20. This is the crudest thing Pat Robertson has ever done,besides threatening

Hugo Chavez's life. He doesn't have the ability to understand how diseased he really is.
He's a filthy person. The filth goes deep.

[soothsayer]

22. There's a casino in Jericho now! Where the walls came tumbling

down....

[nashville_brook]

23. BIBLE-VANIA

patton oswalt called it.

[HuffleClaw]

24. i can imagine the 'attractions'

'you too can walk on water!'

'fun with loaves and fishes'

really, what a joke.

[soothsayer]

26. yeah, those cool clear balls you get inside of and walk on the water

THOSE would be PERFECT! Walk on the same water Jesus walked on!

[Turbineguy]

27. Pat was probably thinking:

"God din't do nothin' about them Nazi death camps an' he ain't gonna fuck with this niether!"

[Lisa]

29. just think of the profit they'll make on the concession stand!

If they can pull off their version of the "loaves and fishes" and "water into wine" stunts!

[sakabatou]

30. But the Galilee looks good now...

I'd hate to see this theme park on these lands. It's like putting McDonalds on the Florida Everglades.

[The Stranger]

31. Probably intended to spit in the face of the Palestinians who are

packed into camps and walled in like ghettoes, literally dying for some of that land.

[REDKING]

32. THEME PARK

FLANDERS HAS ALREADY BOOKED.
OKELY DOKELY.

[yorkiemommie1]

33. the opportunities to express bad taste....

are endless

[shugah]

34. there will be a place

"there will be a place in the Galilee where evangelical Christians from all over the world can come to celebrate the actual place where Jesus Christ lived and taught".

umm, aren't these places already there? :shrug:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

35. One wonders if the Sumerians' and Babylonians' religions

suffered similar fates before they went extinct.

[Dulcinea]

37. I hope it gets sizzled by a lightning bolt. eom

[Rex]

39. Behold as Micky Christ walks on water!

See him outrun our mechanical shark! Anyone who deals with Pat Robertson is making pacts with the devil. I can't believe anyone would want to associate themselves with evil and malignant creatures like Patty-Pat! Fuck that!

[noonwitch]

40. As a christian, this makes me ill

Wouldn't a nature center/archeology center be more appropriate, to preserve the area that Jesus lived in and taught? That way, pilgrims could see the area as the people then did, could walk from site to site the way Jesus and the disciples did, and maybe have some of the archeological sites as stops. And, of course, admittance should be free.

Okay, I have to go vomit now.

[Barrett808]

41. This, too, shall pass

Embrace the Buddhist lesson of impermanence -- no need to barf.

[RebelOne]

54. As an atheist, this makes me laugh. n/t

[Ian David]

42. Duplicate

Duplicate

Israel Offering Evangelicals (Pat Robertson) Chunk Of Holy Land. 06:04 PM Tue Jan-03-06
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x42636

[brentspeak]

43. Good grief, what a disgrace

What other attractions will this theme park have, "Have a group photograph taken with Jesus"?

[Zhade]

45. Allegedly lived. Allegedly fed. Allegedly taught.

I love the assumption that the stories are true, without of course any evidence.

:eyes:

Doesn't this bother Israelis at all?

(Not to mention Palestinians from whom MORE land will likely be stolen for this nonsense!)

[MisterP]

46. they're always going to be understocked on food supplies?

In Simon and Garfunkel's words,
"And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made."
Pat's Antichrist rating's hitting the red zone again...

[IndianaGreen]

48. Let's put a McDonalds there!

and have a special on fish sandwiches!

[JCMach1]

49. nooooo

:(

:puke:

[pinniped]

50. Forget overseas travel, check the one out in Florida!

http://www.theholylandexperience.com/

[goodboy]

51. Robertson must be counting on another jesus-type miracle stretching 48mil

to build this ridiculous zionist christian-taliban play-pen.

do you think he could perform a 'la Jesus/fish/bread/5000 hungry sinners miracle?

only with 48million bucks, and 4 million white religious wacko nutjobs and all the Jesus juice you can drink?

[Matilda]

57. What's the betting it will be built with Palestinian slave labor?

So many of them have been cut off from their livelihoods, I guess a
dollar a day might sound pretty good.

[goodboy]

81. let my people go, mofo. is this irony?

[ngGale]

52. OMG - I'm humilated....

Pat Robertson buying the Holy Land, for a theme park! How tacky can one get:blush: ...he must have his own agenda. More ancient artifacts to be destroyed.:cry: This can only make the religious factions in the Mid East more angry.

[okoboji]

53. too bad that

Sam Kinnison isn't still around .... OMG, this would provide him with so much more material. He already had a funny "line" when it came to this already.... He's flipping thru an imaginary bible and says, "Where does it say... "Build a Theme Park"?


this is so wrong.... I've been to Israel, and have been to see the Mount of Beatitudes and Capernaum and to have a theme park close by (north-east of the Mount of the Beatitudes) would be and will be distracting and cheapens the actual event that did occur ... what next, Daily reenactments of the death of Christ at a theme park near the actual location?

[bleedingheart]

55. No Manna without some Moolah....

I find this whole thing so funny....absolutely hysterical...

[CatholicEdHead]

77. Actually Moolah = Manna

Just not the type that is best for us.

[Matilda]

56. Since when do Fundies presume to act for all Christians?

This site has special meaning for real Christians, and for some of us
it's enough to visit and to meditate a little. Fundie wackjobs have
no right to spoil it for everyone else.

I hope the Palestinians can score a bullseye on this one, and blow it
to smithereens.

[chelaque liberal]

60. Important point missed

I have enjoyed all of the remarks about just how tacky this is but now one has commented on this (foreboding?) point:

"...but an undeclared benefit will be the cementing of a political alliance between the Israeli rightwing and the American Christian right."

[deminks]

64. bingo. nt

[incapsulated]

71. That unholy alliance...

Was well underway long before this nonsense.

[LeftHander]

61. why not just paint a big red target on the backs....

of the doe-eyed american born-agains.....??

Herd them all in a corral and let the suicide bombers have at them.....
One incident and that park would be finished.

Pat Robertson is an idiot.

I can't believe how stupid of idea this is. They can't even see beyond the dollar signs.

Why would a terrorist blow up jews when there is 30,000 American Evangelicals in a paddock.

How dumb can they be?

Unbelievable.

[MountainLaurel]

62. That might be the goal

Remember, these are the exact same people who have been getting involved in the Israel-Palestine conflict because they are trying to hasten the Apocalypse. I wouldn't be surprised if a little nuclear warfare caused by a slaughter of good American Christians isn't part of the plan.

[donkeyotay]

69. This is really not the Onion?

Sure, Pat Robinson is an idiot, but where does he (and all the other ChRistians, Inc. get their money from? Donation plates?

[LeftHander]

72. The whole Evangelical ministry is desgined to raise money

To convert people, to raise more money, to convert people, to raise.......etc.etc...

This is the very same ilk of Jim and Tammy Baker, Jimmy Swaggart...Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are cut of the same cloth.

All these....supposed carismatics "Christians" messages are about asking for money a message wrapped in plain white Jesus wrapper.

I turn on the local religious fundy channel and count how many minutes go by beofre the money request is made. It never takes longer than a few minutes before..."operators are standing by" to take your pledge for prayer..

[donkeyotay]

73. True enough, but you can't get blood from a turnip

And many fundamentalists are poor or, at best, working class people. In fact, the fundamentalists I know basically believed it would be a sin to get rich. So, how do these televangelists get so much money from people who have so little to give? Like, CBS, for instance, every morning they have on about 2 hours of the Christian broadcast nitworks, some guy in Canada, I think, and he's a first class, Armageddon wackjob. So, where does he get the funding to have hours of a major network when the whole Democratic Party (also "an operators are standing by to take your money" organization) can barely afford to put up an ad fight?

I'm suspicious that our tax dollars are at work here, and that the "Information Warfare" folks might be finding this whole Christian crusade thing useful.

[saigon68]

83. They will have a metal detector at the gates

To prevent these Guys from coming in

[stepnw1f]

63. I Wish to Propose Their First Theme Park Ride

It's called Evolution...

Each Bible Thumper will strap themselves onto the side of a rocket aimed at the moon. Well? What ya thunk...?

This way we get rid of them, and they.. well, get their wish. We'll look to up them... sorta.

[tomg]

65. All I could think of was Mel Brook's

bit from "The History of the World" where they do an Esther Williams-like musical number called "The Inquisition" or the Woody Allen bit in Bananas where they have an ad for Holy Smokes cigarettes. Seriously, were this not a possibility, it would make a hilarious premise for a movie. Robertson is insane on just so many levels, and this is simply one more.

[AspenRose]

67. "Send in...the NUNS!"

Great movie.

[no safe haven]

74. Robertson will probably go ahead with it...

"...because let's face it, you can't Torquemada out of anything."
:D

[incapsulated]

70. Are they gonna have the glass under the water trick?

So you, too, can walk on water like Jesus? Cause I have to admit, that might draw me in.

Jesus Wept.

I heard about this a while ago. I think it's the perfect setting for the anti-Christ to make his appearance and gather unto him his true disciples: Robertson and his fundie minions.

[Spider Jerusalem]

78. A Biblical THEME PARK?

Only Americans would have come up with this idea.

[alarimer]

79. Jesusland

Are these people nuts? Will there be a Holy Roller Coaster?

[Megahurtz]

80. That is just SO FUCKING SICK.

A Holy Land Theme Park Corporation
to rake in money to line the greedy pockets
of the American Fundamentalist Faux Evangelicals
supposedly in the Name of God!

Are they going to be TAX FREE too????

Holy Crap, just when I thought I have fucking heard it all. :puke:

[deadparrot]

82. Jesus would be thrilled. nt

[mitchum]

84. Well, I guess they will be able to keep food costs low

[mmonk]

85. Well don't that beat all...

Can we send all our rightwing fundamentalists over there? I'd be willing to pay for it.

[AlCzervik]

87. Why do i get the feeling Steve Wynn just got a big check for consulting?

[hatrack]

88. Now, if they included a "Rapture Room", hell, I'd INVEST in the thing!

Fundie visitors could be herded into a special enclosure, and the doors would then be closed. When the the attendants opened to Rapture Room doors - hey poof presto, NOBODY HOME!

I mean, since those who would patronize this particular "attraction" are obviously right with Pat Robertson's Ronald McJesus, what more could they ask for? Talk about getting your money's worth for $32.95 for adults, $19.95 for kids!

Besides, just think of the extra bucks Pat & company could rake in on all that abandoned luggage, cameras and clothes.

Maybe David Copperfield could work out some sort of tie-in . . .

[fishwax]

89. that's too funny

amusement parks in the holy land. but it's not about the money, i'm sure :rofl:

[monobrau]

90. One helluva buffet at Jesus Land!

-NT

[Blue_Tires]

91. that park is going to have more

security guards than people....