Wife's death led Nebraska man to give up 9 of his kids

[FlyingSquirrel]

Source: Associated Press

OMAHA, Neb. -- An out-of-work widower who abandoned nine of his children at a hospital under Nebraska's new safe haven law said he was overwhelmed without his wife and just "fell apart."

"I hope they know I love them," Gary Staton told KETV. "I hope their future is better without me around them."

The law allows caregivers to abandon babies and teenagers alike at hospitals without fear of prosecution. Originally intended to protect infants, it was expanded in a legislative compromise to protect any "child." Some have interpreted that to mean anyone under 19.

Staton left the five boys and four girls -- ages 1 to 17 -- at Creighton University Medical Center's emergency room on Wednesday. He has a 10th child, a daughter who is 18 and was not dropped off.


Read more: http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20080927/NEWS02/709279938#Wifes.death.led.Nebraska.man.to.give.up.9.of.his.kids

---

Sad stuff.

[silverojo]

1. It gets better...

The Repukes here want to change the law so it only applies to infants.

That's the old Republican way--fuck the needy. :mad:

[bos1]

3. I don't think it's right to play politics with such a situation. n/t

The law is arguable from all sides. But this family's case is tragic.

[pattmarty]

10. Wrong!!! The "people" that are against this bill.............

........should either support another bill that would step in temporally when a situation gets to this point, or just shut the fuck up and support "their' constituents. It is "politics" and these ass holes ARE indeed playing it.

[bos1]

18. I don't see what you or the OP are talking about.

The article says nothing about people not supporting this man and his situation. You are the ones who have combined it with politics as far as I can see.

[Name removed]

26. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[DoctorMyEyes]

45. Probably cause it was posted that way a few days ago

I first saw this story referenced on DU a few days ago in regards to the new law. The father who left nine children at a hospital was mentioned in the story that was headlined "Unintended Consequences of New Law" or something like that. The fathers circumstances weren't known or weren't mentioned. But, the sentiment was that people were "abusing" the law that was designed to protect newborns.

Typical kind of Republican shit - love the fetuses and newborns - screw everyone else.

Maybe some responding here are referencing back to the original article in their thinking or posting.

JMHO

[bos1]

55. I see. That's interesting.

Thanks for answering my question. I'd be interested to read that article. Sounds like quite a biased headline.

And as you say, typical. A law ends up causing some agencies to care for children -- a disgrace! A carpet bombing in Iraq or Afghanistan kills scores -- victory!

[BlooInBloo]

2. Poor kids. :(

[ilrslr3]

4. Please Pray

I just ask that everyone please pray for this family. It
brings tears to my eyes to hear a family suffering like this.
I thank the father for thinking of the kids  first and
allowing them to be safe, I hope that they are able to place
the children with family so they can stay together.

[KewlKat]

9. Yes your are correct

The father should be commended for taking this step instead of doing them harm like we read so many times. He needed emotional, or psychological help initially to help him through this, which may take years. He made choices that he may not have made had he had some help to work it all out.

[undeterred]

13. Welcome to DU ilrslr3

You're right, this is just a sad situation. I wish the dad had just asked family for help, but hopefully thats what will be arranged now and the children will know that their extended family and their dad still love them. It must be hard for them losing their mother too.

[dysfunctional press]

25. praying is a useless endeavor.

nt

[KittyWampus]

29. Then so is telling family members that you love them.

[LisaL]

30. Hah?

[Bill McBlueState]

32. oh, yeah, totally.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

57. yo, kids, out here. go into that hospital

never come home again. ever.

oh, and i love ya. good bye and good luck.

right.

[dysfunctional press]

49. how so?

apples and oranges...:shrug:

[slampoet]

61. Who tells their children they love them only silently, never aloud in dark rooms and only on Sunday?

[pitohui]

39. wherever did you get the idea this father gives one tiny damn for his children?

men who love their children don't abandon them, men who have children and expect the wife (or oldest daughter) to do all the work of caring for their children are sexist pigs and lower than the lowest animals because they should have a brain and the ability to know better but they refuse to use it

well his wife inconveniently died and so he didn't want his children any more if HE had to take care of them, that is not love, love is not empty words, love is action, and his action says he couldn't give one tiny fuck about his kids

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

53. Judgmental aren't we.

His wife died early in 2007. I'm guessing if he didn't gave a damn at all about his kids he would have abandoned them 18 months or so ago.

David

[ChairmanAgnostic]

56. how the hell does he get off having 10 kids,

oh wait, that's how he got off.

A little family planning would have probably saved his wife's life AND him a ton of trouble. But nooooooo, 10 kids, starting before he was married, that's christian, and good.

bullshit. shame on him.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

60. What's your solution?

His wife may have wanted 10 kids. How would we know different? My brother and his wife have 5 kids and want 5 more. Is it even possible to you that he truly is overwhelmed and cannot take care of his kids? This option is better than him drowning them all in a bath tub. Whatever happened to our ideal of helping people who can't take care of themselves?

David

[Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel]

62. I wonder if he (the father) asked for help.

Aren't there services that could have helped him?

From what I read, shortly after his wife died, he threw his hands up in the air and said f***it. I hope I'm wrong

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

63. 18 months or so after his wife died.

[Waiting For Everyman]

5. So sad.

For him and for the kids.

It doesn't have to be like this. It used to be better than this, and it could be again. But people have to matter again, as they used to.

When we remember that our people are our greatest resource, and we build a livable life for them, then we amaze the world with what comes from it.

[aviationpm]

6. Who could ever imagine?

Having 9 children isn't sustainable or responsible. However, it is too bad the community or government couldn't do something to keep this family together.

[willing dwarf]

8. For years, in farming areas 9 kids was the only way to be sustainable

It used to be you'd need that many kids to get the work done on a farm to survive. --Even though times have changed, that's still part of some people's mindset and culture and it can take generations for the idea to change.

This is such a sad story.

[harmonicon]

14. but it shouldn't take generations for that mindset to change

I would hate to have laws about how many children people can have, but I would love to have a culture and education system which makes personal an community responsibility top priority. My mom was one of seven in a farming family, but that was in the 40's and 50's. Of the children in that family, three of them had three kids each, one had one, and three had no children (though one uncle has two step-children).

Point: smart, responsible, people adapt to the world around them, and understand their responsibility to family and community.

[atreides1]

17. But it Does Take Generations

And sometimes even after several centuries, the mindset remains the same.

Look at the Amish as one example.

[harmonicon]

20. I think that's quite different

The Amish lead a way of life that is tuned into all of their needs in terms of family, community, and business. My uncles who have kept farming realized that their kids didn't want to go into farming and didn't force them into it. As is, they've been able to provide for their children, which wouldn't have been the case if they had 10 kids each, instead of 2 and 3, respectively.

[LisaL]

16. He and his wife actually had 10.

According to the link neither parent had a steady job. Wife didn't help with cooking or cleaning. He is 34 years old. The children were removed for 9 months but then returned. Older girl was taking care of them after the wife died.
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

[midnight]

7. I knew when this story was posted a day ago that the circumstances

were going to be dire. Bless this man, and may those who are able to reach out and help in his area, and get him back on his feet do.

[Blue Diadem]

11. I hope they don't change that law. Those kids are better off now. More about the family here

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4098055&mesg_id=4098055


The children were taken from this couple in 2004.

http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

Dad who left 9 kids had series of woes

snip:
Neither parent held a steady job. More than once, HHS paid their rent when they received eviction notices and paid utility bills when the family was threatened with shut-off notices.

Psychological examinations of the parents found that the mother expressed "distorted thinking." She resisted finding a job, ignored eviction notices, didn't help her husband with the cooking and cleaning — but still wanted to have more children.
------------
and where is the father now?

snip:

He was with a woman that Robinson understood to be his girlfriend, she said.

And he was packing a blue suitcase into his car.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

21. "He never asked for help, the children's maternal grandmother said Thursday."

"Had he, this would not have happened," she said. "They're good kids, and they don't deserve this.

"We won't abandon them like he did."

Wright's daughter, Andrell Robinson, saw the man at midday Thursday.

He was with a woman that Robinson understood to be his girlfriend, she said.

Sounds pretty damn dysfunctional to me... :(

[Blue Diadem]

22. Did you get a chance to see this? It broke my heart

It's a page from the HS newspaper when the oldest girl was graduating. It tells the story of her graduating early, her Mom's death and IMO, seems to show that it was she who had tremendous responsibility taking care of the kids, even before her Mom's death.


http://www.ops.org/HIGH/NORTH/Portals/0/ACADEMICS/newspaper/06_07/032007_I4V83/20features.pdf

[GoddessOfGuinness]

48. How sad...

I hope she'll still be able to stay in touch with her siblings, but without having to parent them. Sounds like an amazing kid...

[BearSquirrel2]

24. Anti-Birth Control ...

Certainly something to point out to the anti-birth control crowd.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

51. If only they'd listen...

But they're selectively deaf when it comes to such things.

[DoctorMyEyes]

46. What stood out to me about that line

"He never asked for help"

What the hell?!?! He's 34 years old and unemployed with 10 kids! Grandma thinks he's "fine" if he doesn't ASK for help? How the goddamn hell could any grandma NOT know without being told that the family needed some help!?!?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

50. I can't help wondering if those kids will be in the best hands...

The lack of communication is appalling.

[noonwitch]

64. Court intervention may make the 17 year old eligible for a lot of college aid

Foster kids and those who are under court jurisdiction and placed with relatives are frequently eligible for massive financial aid-Pell Grants, in particular, plus most states have a tuition program for them.

It didn't sound like Dad was willing or able to pay.

[WePurrsevere]

12. So horribly sad for him & the children. It sounds like he did all he could,

didn't know what else to do so did what he felt would best protect his children. I see it as an act of love.

Personally I think people need to be be better educated as to their options in cases when help is needed and offered more help so they can have the best possibility to keep their children. I also think safe haven laws should be expanded to be national. It's better for the children in the long run.

[LisaL]

15. Did you read the article about the family's life?

The article makes is it sound like he might have a girlfriend. Packing suitcase into a car? Is he taking off somewhere? The one I feel sorry for is the older girl. Taking care of all the children she didn't even produce. That's just ain't right in my book.
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

[WePurrsevere]

19. Thanks... I hadn't read that one. He sounds like he's very messed up but

I can't pass judgment without knowing more. Just because someone thinks it's a girlfriend doesn't mean she is and even if she is we don't know if the GF played a role in his leaving his children or not.

It's easy enough to say (like his MIL said), "He never asked for help... Had he, this would not have happened." Did anyone, including her, ever think to OFFER him help? Didn't it cross anyone's mind that he would need help with that many children especially if they had problems before? Maybe my family's odd but when I was divorced, had only two little ones and was hit with MS both my family and my x-dh's family stepped up and OFFERED help. I know not everyone is as blessed as I've been but IME, in a crisis situation, that's what decent caring family members (and friends and even neighbors) do... they see a need and offer to help.

As for the rest of what I said... Whether or not it's justified in this case there are others that may have legitimate need.

[pitohui]

41. "it sounds like he did all he could"? if by "all he could" you mean fuck all EOM

,

[BearSquirrel2]

23. What about child support ...

Wow, imagine any dad could move to Nebraska and then abandon his child at a hospital and be off Scott free. This is starting to sound like the plot from "Dogma".

[YellowRubberDuckie]

34. HAve you even seen that movie?

You aren't thinking Dogma. You have to be thinking something entirely different.
Duckie

[BearSquirrel2]

44. Yes I have ...

The main point item is that the reverend in question was offering absolution from sin simply by passing through the doors of the institution in question.

Church<=>Hospital
Sin<=>Parental Responsibilities

Try to be conceptual.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

47. Conceptual?

Your point was only noticeable in Bizarro world. Sorry I wasn't high when I read your post.
Duckie

[pitohui]

42. i'm wondering about child support also

how does this guy get to abandon NINE kids without paying a dime of support? this guy is a classic douchebag from the sound of it

and they're blaming the crazy wife for continuing to pop out the kids? silly me, but i thought it took 2 to tango, he wouldn't have 10 kids to be responsible for if he'd figured out what was causing that and 1) put a rubber on it, and/or 2) got a vasectomy

sheesh, people are stupid

"act of love" by this father, no, this is an act of scumbaggery, he's just another of thousands of deadbeat dads in this country

[carlyhippy]

27. anyone under 19? Isn't the age of consent 18?

The father did the right thing, if he can't take of the kids, there will be someone else who can. I am so sick of hearing about people abandoning their kids and leaving them in trash cans, the streets, ect, this way is the safest way in the interest of the kids. Hopefully the kids can be kept in contact with each other.

[Haole Girl]

28. It's better he released them to the custody of someone who might take care of them...

if he knew he was not able to.

As awful as this might be, it could have been worse for the children if he'd taken another path.

On the other hand, I know the fate of one girl moved from family to family in foster care. And that is not always a pretty picture either.

My thoughts and prayers go out to those children.

It is so very sad... I wish they hadn't had so many of them. Maybe things would have turned out differently... who knows?

:cry:

[LisaL]

31. The article says the woman exhibited "distorted thinking" and

wanted to have more children despite all the problems this family was having.
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272
By the way the risk of stroke is increased after pregnancy, and is also increased in a woman who had multiple pregnancies. This woman died at 34 years old, she had a stroke less than a week after having her 10th child.

[WriteDown]

33. Its also increased by hanging upside down....

and every really taxing physical activity. Don't think we should be down on it though.

[LisaL]

37. Unless you are David Blaine, WTF would you worry about

having a stroke from hanging upside down?

[WriteDown]

40. Inversion therapy....

Its great! :)

[Ramius]

35. It's sad that there aren't other options..

Listen.... some people don't understand that depression can be paralyzing and debilitating.

The guy was CLEARLY overwhelmed.

I'd rather this... than to read in a year or so that the kids were living in squalor, with human feces strewn about the house....

Which is a scenario we hear all too often.

However, over all... there needs to be a real discussion about procreating out of your ability and means.

I think it's a rare RARE situation where ANY couple can adequately take care of 10 children. Even if you're a billionaire. Children, in these modern times need attention and guidance. I don't see how that's even physically possible. There's no longer a situation where as long as a kid learns how to "work the farm", they will have the skills to get by in this world.

[LisaL]

36. Years from now? You'd be too late.

"Officers found a broken septic tank and containers of human waste. The family had had no gas in the home since April 2003 and no water since June 2003."
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10443272

[pitohui]

38. he belongs in prison for child neglect

my friend who actually had severe mental and physical illness and no job was told that she would be arrested for child neglect when she tried to turn in her challenged child (he was about 11) some time after his father's death

but it's okay for a man to abandon his children, i guess -- we simply have different standards for men and women, it would be considered completely unacceptable for a woman to do this and she would be prosecuted, i guarantee it

"safe haven" was meant for scared teens too young to be having and raising babies, so that they wouldn't DIE from cutting out the fetus with a coat hanger or drown their newborns in toilets in their desperation, it was not for adult men who no longer want to be bothered with their many children now that their wife has passed on and they have no unpaid slave to do all the work

if he is allowed to give up the children, i think he should be required to get a vasectomy and that some portion of any future earnings he receives should be held back as child support and go back to the foster parents or whatever institution ends up caring for these children

[superconnected]

52. Thats a very bad idea. Some people will need to give up their kids because of a

situation they are in for a time - maybe even a few years. They shouldn't have to pay for the rest of their life by never having kids again though.

Yes, this man is irresponsible. Some people however are just really poor. My city has a problem with tent cites for the homeless - they don't want the tent cities anywhere and so right now they go from church parking lot to church parking lot. They are full of kids. Some single parents with 1 or 2 kids may feel it's better not to move their kids around like that for months while they try to get on their feet. Poverty often feels like forever to the poor. Should they pay for the rest of their lives by never being able to have kids again? I don't think so. Most people love their kids - so much they want them in a warm house in a real bed even if that means not keeping them while being homeless.

[LisaL]

54. Well, hello.

If he had impregnated some woman, he would be required to pay child support whether he wanted or not.
Why exactly shouldn't he pay for his own children?

[pitohui]

58. most people love their kids but this is a DEADBEAT DAD who doesn't

sorry, in my view, i've known too many victims of deadbeat dads, the children aren't loved and they don't feel loved, they know very well what it means when dad chooses addiction and partying w. his girlfriends over getting a job and contributing to their support

this creepazoid and all like him should be sterilized and it shouldn't have to wait until he's already fathered TEN freakin' babies

because of political correctness, we have created a world where only thinking, caring, loving parents control the size of their families and the stupid, the addicted, the severely mentally ill, and the uncaring are allowed to out-breed the rest of us

what kind of world are you creating here? people who love their kids don't give them away like puppies except under true stress

wifey died, oldest daughter turned 18 and no longer is forced to stay at home and raise HIS kids, and he wants to be free to run away w. his cheezy sleazy -- that is not "oh my god he loves his kids sooooo much he wants them to have a 'warm bed'"

we all know what a warm bed too often is in a foster home, there are too many creeps out there taking in kids for the cash and for the chance to grope the kiddies, if you love your kids you do everything humanly possible to keep them out of that system

this guy doesn't care and never did, he's a fucked-up piece of trash and sterilization plus being required to pay child support for the children he created is a pretty basic requirement in my view

do decent people really want to be beautiful losers forever? do you really want to be out-bred (and in a democracy this means being out-voted) by the stupid people and the addicts forever?

think about what you are advocating because you think it is more important to appear politically correct than it is to care about the future of these children and the future of ALL children

don't create a world where deadbeat dads can continue to walk away, they need to pay, if they want to breed, it is not too much to ask them to get at least a min wage and contribute some token to their own children's lives

the man dumped his children, he doesn't love them, they are just a millstone to him, let's not kid ourselves

there are a lot of deadbeat dads out there, w. modern DNA tech we know who they are, they used to just walk away and leave the kids totally screwed because they couldn't be ID'd for certain, well, now we CAN ID them for certain and whoa along comes a loophole to let them skate anyway?

this stinks out loud if you ask me

[progressivebydesign]

43. did anyone read the whole story there? Nice that he could have a girlfriend but not his kids????

Did everyone miss this part: "Wright's daughter, Andrell Robinson, saw the man at midday Thursday.

He was with a woman that Robinson understood to be his girlfriend, she said.

And he was packing a blue suitcase into his car."

Yeah.. I pray for the kids. Screw the father. The police had already been to their house before and taken the kids away. The miracle is that the oldest daughter managed to graduate high school after having to play mommy to all of the kids her mother and dad brought into the world without the means or interest to care for them.

You have to read the WHOLE story to realize what this was about. It wasn't the economy. It was two messed up people that continued to have child after child... with no interest in caring for them.

[pitohui]

59. you wonder sometimes, don't you?

i think sometimes people post out of ego and the eagerness to be viewed as wonderful accepting people and they put that ahead of the actual facts of the case