President Bush To Legalize Marijuana On April 20

[benburch]

President Bush Legalizes Marijuana In America
Historic Executive Order to Take Effect on April
20

April 1, 2004

Washington, DC: In a move that astonished
conservatives and liberals alike, President George
W. Bush issued a surprise executive order today
legalizing the possession and sale of marijuana in
the United States. The order will take effect on
April 20, long considered marijuana smokers'
independence day.

When asked about the sudden change of heart,
President Bush explained; "The other night Cheney,
Rumsfeld, Rice, Powell and I were in the war room
mulling over how to sway public opinion on the war
in Iraq. We were stuck in the same rut of tired
old ideas and were in desperate need of creative
new ways of thinking. That's when Karl Rove
pulled out a fatty." While Bush admitted that it
had been 30 years since his last toke, he figured,
"Why not. I am the President. What can they do,
arrest me?"

President Bush made the announcement in his weekly
radio address, saying that it's "high time" we
reformed our marijuana policies. "The reality
is," said the President, "marijuana is far less
dangerous than alcohol or tobacco and far too many
people have had their lives ruined after being
arrested for nothing more than a doobie. Besides,
my Pink Floyd records haven't sounded this good
since my days at Yale. Boy, those were some good
times."

Newly appointed Drug Czar Keith Stroup hailed the
move as a great step forward for America. "For 33
years NORML has worked to show that marijuana
smokers are no different than the average
American. Thankfully we finally have a president
who has come to his senses on this issue, albeit
with a little help from his old friend Mary Jane."
Stroup went on to announce that his first move as
Drug Czar will be to free all marijuana smokers
currently incarcerated, and to form a commission
to study reparations for all former marijuana
prisoners. He also outlined the newest ONDCP ad
campaign, "Don't Bogart That Joint," featuring the
newly reunited Cheech and Chong. The campaign is
designated to promote civility and sharing amongst
cannabis consumers.

Of course, not everyone was thrilled about the
President's sudden change of heart. Sue Rusche,
over-protective soccer mom and founder of National
Families in Action, lashed out at the president
from behind her bottle of valium saying that the
President's decision would send the wrong message
to children. Former Drug Czar Bill Bennett, when
questioned about the executive order outside of
the Sands Casino in Las Vegas, could only mutter,
"I need a cigarette."

Meanwhile, Rep. Mark Souder (R-IN), author of the
Higher Education Act Drug Provision that has
denied federal financial aid to over 140,000
students with drug convictions, nearly broke into
tears upon hearing the announcement. "My children
are near college age and now they may never
receive a college education," stated Souder in an
impromptu press conference with former ONDCP
Director John Walters. "There is no way I will
risk sending my kids to school with a bunch of pot
smoking hippies." John Walters, looking overly
mellow for a man having just lost his job, simply
passed a blunt and replied, "Just hit this Mark.
You need to loosen up. You're starting to harsh
my buzz."

Meanwhile marijuana smokers nationwide took to the
streets to celebrate their newfound freedom. A
haze of sweet smelling sativa smoke wafted over
the nation's capitol as Americans of all walks of
life flooded Washington, DC for the first ever
legal smoke-in. The gathering featured over a
million people, without a single arrest. "This is
the best day of my life," said local hot dog
vendor Joe Giamatti, "I ran out of hot dogs two
hours ago and now they're buying up all the buns.
Thank you President Bush!"

In the wake of Bush's executive order, NORML's
Board of Directors issued a statement announcing
that the organization will gladly go out of
business effective April 20. "It took 33 years,"
said the statement "but our work here is finally
done. Our staff can finally go home and get baked
in peace."

For more information, have a happy April Fools
Day. To help make the above scenario a reality,
join NORML today at www.norml.org.


#################### NORML Media Watch NORML was
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Call, and The Patriot Ledger. To read these
articles or about other NORML media appearances,
check out "NORML in the Media" at:
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Sign up for NORML's monthly pledge program today!
https://secure.norml.org/join/pledge.html

Smokers vote in 2004! Check out the candidate's
updated positions on marijuana policy. If you
have not already done so, register to vote or
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http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=5916
####################

[DenverDem]

1. In Homer Simpson's voice "4:20, ummmmmmm."

Too bad the April Fool is living in the white house.

Free Rastafari's Iscience!!

[Dogmudgeon]

2. Let me guess -- April Fool?

Carter was going to legalize it.
Reagan was going to legalize it.
Bush 41 was going to legalize it.
Clinton was going to legalize it.
And now, Bush 43 is going to legalize it.

Each of them, on April 1st.

Hitler's birthday is also 4/20. I don't really think Der Führer was a spliffmaster, either.

--bkl

[Turbineguy]

3. If Bush were to legalize it

it would only be so he could smoke it.

Come to think of it, that might be a good thing!

[DenverDem]

4. If bushler would smoke the "healing of the nations"

it would open his eyes to the folly of his ways and he could save the world from himself.

Ras Tafari, Allmighty God!

[MajorFlaw]

8. We already know that he is

the one person who is less dangerous when he's drunk than when he's sober. Smoking weed must be better than whatever he is smoking now. Maybe we should chip in and buy him a pResidential bong.

[DieboldMustDie]

9. He can smoke it any time he wants.

He's above the law. :evilgrin:

[Citizen Daryl]

11. *puff puff*

it would only be so he could smoke it.

Like he's ever acted within the law.

[bobbyboucher]

5. It's still March 31 here on the west coast,

you might have jumped the gun.

[librechik]

6. is it 4/20 yet?

it is at my house. Thanks, Pretzeldent Bush!

[benburch]

10. Pack a bowl!

<weg>

[shanti]

7. april fool's...

lol

[Ganja Ninja]

12. You have to disguise an April fools thread better than this.

I knew right away it was a hoax. The subject line was a dead give away.

[Cooley Hurd]

13. Good morning benburch!

As much as I wish this were true (;)), it's not. I'll have to lock this.

Good joke, though! :)