It's time for Pab's Law!

[Pab Sungenis]

http://pabsungenis.livejournal.com/63660.html

Brace yourself, friends and neighbors. Here comes my semi-regular rant about Megan's Law.

I have at least three friends (that I'm aware of) in different parts of the country who are unfairly subject to the legal frankenstein which is Megan's Law. One of them was a clerk in a camera store who developed some "baby in the bathtub" photos. One of them was accused by a bitter wife of molesting their son during an ugly divorce, and even though he was exonerated he is still under the yoke of his state's "sex offender" registry. And one of them was busted because his computer had some text that a prosecutor considered to be child porn. Not actual child porn, mind you, like photgraphs or videos, but mere words on an electronic page. By those standards, anyone who has a copy of Lolita in their library is an instant sex offender.

Now, here in New Jersey, we have a brand new Assemblyman (and I'm ashamed to admit that my own local party organization helped put him there) whose sole claim to fame is that he pushed through "Michael's Law." Don't know what Michael's Law is? Most people don't, even though they all rallied to pass it. Michael's Law stiffened the penalties for drunk drivers. Not, in and of itself, a bad thing, but I hate that the proponents of it didn't trust the voters to support the "Dunken Driving Penalty Enhancement Act," so they resorted to cheap sentimentality and theatricals by pushing it as "Michael's Law."

I will grant one thing to this newly-minted legislator; he has more of a right to call his bill "Michael's Law" than the proponents of that evil piece of dreck called "Megan's Law" did. Michael, the son of the Assemblyman, might have been saved (emphasis on "might have been") if "his" law had been on the books. Megan Kanka would not have been saved by Megan's Law, because her parents already knew that the man who eventually killed Megan was a sex offender. Megan Kanka was killed not by the lack of a sex offender registry, but by the sheer blindness and stupidity of her parents!

This sudden proliferation of "Fill In The Blank's Laws" across the country is a horrifying trend. The one point all these do-gooders and busybodies (not to mention legitimately well-intentioned people) are making with these laws is that they think that people are stupid, and can't be trusted to do what's right. Either that, or they know their arguments will never stand up to the scruitiny of sheer logic, so they need to pluck at artificial heart strings to get their way.

However, at heart I am nothing but a bandwagoneer. With that in mind, I propose the following legislation. Write your local state legislators, Congresscritters, and Senator-like beings right now! Demand their passage! Print signs saying "VOTE YES ON PAB'S LAW" and put them on streetcorners. If they can do it, then by God so can we.

SCARLETT'S LAW: This law would create a registry, identical in structure and function to the Megan's Law registries, for drunk drivers. If you are convicted of a DUI, you will be required to register with local authorities and your neighbors will be informed of your status. This will follow you throughout your life. However, unlike Megan's Law, if your conviction is overturned or you can convince a judge that you were unfairly put on the list, your name can be expunged. This law is named after Scarlett Johansson, who has no connection with drunk driving I'm aware of, but is an extremely attractive and talented actress who deserves her own law.

BRITNEY'S LAW: We already require a waiting period before purchasing a handgun. Why not require a waiting period before doing something infinitely more dangerous? This law will require a 90-day waiting period before the issuance of a marriage license. It will also require a seven day waiting period before you can apply for a divorce. The name of this law comes from one of my earlier proposals, which used to be known as "The Defense Of Marriage Against Britney Spears Amendment."

NEBUCHADNEZZAR'S LAW: This law will require parental consent before the introduction of any piece of legislation requiring parental notification for anything. If the lawmaker's parents are no longer living, he or she must get the consent of his or her nearest-related male blood relative. Either that, or convince a panel of three judges in open court that his parents knowing he was going to introduce this bill would cause his family irreparable harm. It's named after the late great King of Babylon because his name sounds funny, and will be fun to use in debates.

PAB'S LAW: This law is named after one of its greatest victims, on behalf of long suffering victims everywhere. It will prevent the use in campaigning for any piece of legislation, at any level, the use of a person's name to describe a bill. If you cannot justify your law in plain and simple terms that a majority of the populace can agree upon, then you don't get your law. Plain and simple.

Call your lawmakers now! Join the crusade! Pab's Law must go forward, or the entire fabric of the space-time continuum will collapse upon us!

[WhereThereIsFire]

1. Change Scarlett to Shannen's Law ... after all the name is

just as catchy, and Shannen Doherty did get arrested for a little DUI incident not that long ago. Is a publicity hound since her career went bye-bye, so not too likely to mind. And doubt if she is on DU. Could be wrong.

[Pab Sungenis]

2. I still say Scarlett's Law.

Shannen Doherty is nowhere near as attractive nowadays as Scarlett Johansson is, snd will be less photogenic on the billboards.

Remember the new rules of politics in America: policy doesn't count, cute white girls do!