The financial side of ethics

[Robbien]

Pretend for a minute that we were allowed to run our lives the way Congress does.

Say you robbed a bank with a bar of soap carved into the shape of a gun and you were captured by a tough, towel-wielding federal agent shouting, "Drop the soap!" You would be indicted by a federal grand jury, perhaps convicted, then sent to the slammer for a good piece of time because, in the real world, money is protected against such things.

But if we lived the way Congress does, the outcome would be a lot more jolly.

First, a blue-ribbon commission would study the phenomenon of trying to rob banks with cakes of soap carved into gun shapes to see whether that should be made even more illegal. That would lead to conclusions that: A. Soap is bad and should be regulated by a new federal soap board; B. Guns aren't the problem and (mysteriously) C. Interest rates on short-term loans are too low.

Then legislation would be drafted to make it clear to everyone that robbing a bank with a cake of soap carved into a gun shape is very, very illegal, not just illegal.

During the legislative process, various influences would come into play, with one being the gun industry, another being the soap industry and the third being banking.

The gun industry would argue that when weapons carved out of soap are made illegal, then only criminals will have weapons carved out of soap. The soap industry would argue that it's wrong to punish all soap just because some soaps are easier to carve into guns than others. The banking industry would be there just because anything that even distantly involves banking somehow opens the doorway to credit card interest rate increases that would embarrass a loan shark.

Somehow, the legislation also would include building a new boat ramp in West Virginia, because that always manages to get stuck in somewhere.

In the end, you would never again consider carving a gun from soap to rob a bank and would face not prison, but a "firm reprimand" from the "ethics" committee, just as soon as it returned from its tour of the boat ramps of West Virginia.

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http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-0605090059may09,1,5433681.column?coll=chi-news-col

[CPMaz]

1. Jeez, could you point me toward

the cynical part of these boards? Thanks.

LOL

[Vidar]

2. Very good.

[genieroze]

3. lol