A real asinine editorial

[EstimatedProphet]

http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/viewArticle.asp?articleID=9483

How to Identify Real Men

Daniel Taverne
May 12, 2006

What are real men? Real men are the confident tough guys who don’t pretend to be people they aren’t. Real men won’t say anything about you behind your back that he wouldn’t say in front of you, and real men always say what they mean and mean what they say. Real men are not worried about weather or not their appearance is in keeping with the trends, and they aren’t worried if they smell like oil instead of some putrid cologne. Having said all this, there are many ways and situations to follow where the definition of real men can be observed.

Appearance: As indicated above, appearance (though important) isn’t at the top of the real man’s list of priorities. As a matter of fact, aside from when he’s in church, as long as he’s not walking around butt-naked, as far as he’s concerned, what he has on is of little consequence. Fortunately, most real men have wives, mothers or girl friends that ensure they are properly dressed in clean and hole free clothes prior to leaving the house.

Real men do not stand in front of the mirror for more than 5 minutes each day. This time is spent quickly shaving, brushing teeth and combing hair. Real men, regardless of complexion, do not stand in front of the mirror fussing over this pimple and that wrinkle. Nor do they waste time applying acne medicine or moisturizers.

Real men are decisive at the store. That’s right! They get what they need, and they leave as fast as they can. Women and wimps take forever shopping because they are supplied with way too many choices, and can’t decide what product is going to leave their skin, hair, clothes, teeth and breath looking and/or smelling the absolute best. So they start at one end of the isle sniffing every bottle (shampoo for instance) until they find the one they want. And once they finally decide on something they like, they forget which one it was because the next time it has to be bought, they go through the same process all over again!

[bunkerbuster1]

1. Real men spew crappy editorials when the deadline approaches

even when they have absolutely nothing to say.

[HereSince1628]

2. Real men know the difference between whether and weather, too.

Trust in the spell checker can be misplaced.

[Burma Jones]

5. Real men use Proofreaders

by Godfrey.....

[NanceGreggs]

3. Apparently, real men don't care ...

... about the difference between 'whether' and 'weather'.

"Real men are not worried about weather or not ..."

[Burma Jones]

4. I prefer Ed Anger's OpEd pieces.....

I mean, if you're going to be a doofus you might as well go all the way, a Real Man would.....

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/columnists/61646

[mrreowwr_kittty]

6. "Real Men" need women to dress them?

I'm sorry but that's a description of a spoiled little boy IMHO. I think ol' Daniel resents the so-called Metrosexual trend because now he's expected to work out and attend to his hygeine and appearance in order to compete with other men. Boo hoo.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

7. the myth that "real men" must be tough

That's baloney. My husband is a very gentle man, and I wouldn't have married anyone who wasn't like that. And as for shopping-gee, I must be a man, because I hate shopping and I get what I need and go. My husband spends more time in a store, and he's very much a real man. How about that?

[Demeter]

8. Garrison Keillor Wrote This, Right?

Part of his next book of tales from Lake Wobegon...I recognise the dry, nutty humor and the understated exaggeration.

(What do you mean, it's not intended to be humor?)

[EstimatedProphet]

11. I think some of it is intended as satire

But I'm not sure how much, and I'm really sick of all this 'real man' crap that the RW keeps floating. REAL men don't give a dman about whether a columnist calls them a real man or not. A REAL man never spends time trying to prove he's a real man-trying to prove that makes it untrue.

[Bob3]

9. "don't pretend to be people they are not"

Guess that lets * out yes?

"Won't say anything behind your back that they wouldn't say in front of you"

Well there goes Karl Rove

"say what they mean and mean what they say"
Well that lets the rest of the GOP out as well - they always claim they were joking when their comments backfire on them.

As a side note how long did it take to write this: 5-7 minutes tops? Then off for a lunch of meat.

[reichstag911]

10. Real men don't...

"drop out while seeking treatment" after they "become ill with an unknown condition with less than 1 semester of schooling left."

[TrogL]

12. probably a 'Promise Keeper'

Problem is, I do pretty much do all of that, especially the messy truck, and I'm gay.

[TrogL]

14. He's got his tongue firmly in cheek.

From another place on his blog:

http://dtaverne.blogspot.com/2005_06_01_dtaverne_archive.html

Something else I'm tired of hearing about goes hand in hand with the green house gas complaints: air pollution. Nonsense! My air isn’t polluted. In my opinion, aside from the 'rotten egg' smell of sulfur coming from the factory two miles away, the air I breathe is perfectly fine. Recent studies have proved in fact, that This factories emission has no impact on the increased number of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) in my area, nor does it contribute, as people believed, to the abnormal rates at which nearby resident's teeth seem to be rotting out of their heads. Note: we in our area, are grateful to the factory owner for funding those studies.

[yellowcanine]

13. Who made David Taverne the decider of who is a real man?

[blackwalnut]

15. more on real men

. . . and real men like to eat fish that is chock full of mercury, and don't get "fussy" either about things like poisioning cattle with oil runoff into water puddles on BLM land.

. . . real men like to blow up entire mountains just to get the coal out, sort of like taking a hatchet to a brand new JBL speaker to get the magnets out of the woofers . . .

. . . real men don't need no solar or wind or wave power. NO sir! That's for sissies!

. . . and real men like to lie about WMD.

Ergo -- Bush is a 'REAL MAN'!

(bumper sticker seen at SOA Watch annual rally)→

[cyr330]

16. Real men?

Real men don't troll around for pity like this gentleman did, stating that he had to drop out of school during the last semester due to a "mysterious illness." What he wants is for us to look at him as a stoic, fearless, strong man, yet he craves our pity & sympathy. It appears that he could benefit from some therapy.