CONGRESS MAKES ENGLISH MUFFINS OFFICIAL BREAKFAST OF U.S.

[Don Davis]

In a further effort to re-establish a sense of national identity in the face of massive immigration, Congress has passed legislation making the English Muffin the official breakfast of the United States.

Although studies have shown that bagels have far surpassed English muffins in per capita consumption, bagels were considered far too ethnic, and were therefore rejected as the national breakfast.

Needless to say, the French Croissant was never seriously considered, and conservative Republicans rejected Multigrain Cheerios as the candidate of those UN-loving internationalists.

When informed that the English Muffin was actually invented by an English baker who was an immigrant to the United States, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist admitted that he had never actually eaten one for beakfast. However, Mr. Frist insisted that he had seen a commercial for Thomas' English Muffins from the Senate Floor, and that "based on their brain-like nooks and crannies, they appeared to have a very lively taste."

President Bush promised to sign the legislation, also dismissing the product's connection to an English immigrant. "Besides," Mr. Bush added, "not only did we originally come from England, but their lack of a written Constitution and Monarchy is something I greatly envy."

In other news, the same "Gang of Fourteen" Senators who brokered a compromise over judicial nominees, is now trying to bridge the gap over other divisive culture war issues. Under their proposal, gay marriages would be allowed -- as long as the sex is performed in the traditional English Missionary position.

Although most liberal Democrats were against this compromise, they did agree to support a ban on Spanish-language game shows, such as Sabado Gigante, as a grave threat to the United States.

[MichiganVote]

1. God I hate these worthless, lard butt, lazy, good for nothing people....

[TheCowsCameHome]

2. Who would want to watch Bill Frist eat an English baker anyway?

Or is that his new way of diagnosing a patient?

[silverweb]

3. It's SATIRE, guys!

:D

http://satiricalpolitical.com

[TheCowsCameHome]

4. Right, but with these whack jobs in the WH it's hard to be sure sometimes

Really funny post!