ADMINISTRATION BEING PRESSURED ON DIRECT TALKS ... WITH A SHRINK

[Don Davis]

While the United States is facing international and bipartisan pressure to negotiate directly with Iran over nuclear issues, there are also growing demands that the Bush Administration engage in even more urgent talks: with a certified psychiatrist.

Anonymous sources, both in Europe and from past Republican administrations, make no secret of their desire for the Bush/Cheney Neo-Con crowd to work out unresolved psychological issues that have negatively impacted this nation's recent foreign policy. These problems involve not only the obvious Oedipal conflict that has personally plagued Bush, but various textbook disorders that have affected the entire Administration, including the Inferiority, Napoleonic and Messianic Complexes.

Richard "No-Neck" Armitage, the former Deputy Secretary of State under Colin Powell, suggested that the Bushies make an appointment with Dr. Melfi, whose experiences with Tony Soprano make her the perfect candidate to deal with the crooks in this Administration. However, in a statement issued through her agent, Dr. Melfi politely declined the invitation, stating: "I have a long track record of helping anyone, even Mafioso, but I have to draw the line at war criminals."

"Besides," Dr. Melfi added, "at least Tony Soprano doesn't want to knock off Darwin."

Most observers still believe that because of their Neanderthal-Macho mindset, best exemplified by Dick Cheney, this Administration will never submit to analysis. Therefore, as an alternative, former Secretary of State Henry "Inner Peace is at Hand" Kissinger, has offered to get on his knees and pray with Bush, to the background of Dubya's favorite song, Jesus Take The Wheel.

However, according to Pat Robertson, Jesus has refused to take the wheel of this Administration, on the grounds that it would seriously jeopardize his status as the Lord Savior and Son of God.

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In other news regarding Kissinger, The New York Times has described as "pragmatic" Dr. K's 1972 statement to the Chinese -- recently revealed in an online collection by George Washington University -- that the U.S. could live with a communist government in South Vietnam. But I have to wonder if some of the families paying tribute at the Vietnam Wall this weekend would characterize Kissinger's statement in precisely the same way.

MORE BAD NEWS FOR BUSH: On The McLaughlin Group, John McLaughlin himself stated that on a scale of "1" to "10," with "10" being a metaphysical certainty, George W. Bush is a grade "10" shmuck.

[cliss]

1. Great article.

The US is used to shotgun negotiations. They dicker down the barrel of a gun.

Can you imagine what the dialogue would be between these guys and a shrink? It would be a showdown at the 'Not-OK Corral'.

[ninkasi]

2. Thanks, I enjoyed that

article a lot. One of my favorite quotes was this one..."Most observers still believe that because of their Neanderthal-Macho mindset, best exemplified by Dick Cheney, this Administration will never submit to analysis." Neanderthal-Macho mindset describes them perfectly, I think.

[Jackpine Radical]

3. I think Neanderthals get a bad rap.

It's those damn Cro-Magnons that screwed everything up.

[genieroze]

4. These people don't even rate that high, they are Simians.