Moronmobile Day

[shadowknows69]

A few days past, this nation celebrated one of its most cherished holidays, our Memorial Day to the sacrifices of our brave American soldiers. This column has nothing to do with them. More on war in a different piece.

As a resident of New York I celebrate a little thing called Moronmobile day that actually isn't limited to the time frame of late spring. Moronmobile day is really the beginning of any major holiday weekend where thousands of people, whose driving skills are questionable at best on a good day, go recklessly speeding to their various destinations oblivious that any other vehicle occupies the roads they do.

As I said, Moronmobile Day's place on the calendar is fluid but I'm going to focus on the last one to help you retain some word/sound association with Memorial Day in order for you to remember better. If your apparent attention span while driving is any indication then you need help in your higher memory centers.

Ok, here's a theory for you to try to get your heads around. While you are scrambling to get on with your holiday roamings in some insane attempt to win one more second of leisure time than the Joneses remember this...IF YOU DRIVE LIKE AN IDIOT AND DIE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO REACH YOUR PARTY, or you’re going to prevent me from getting to mine and we just can’t have that...Sorry for yelling but I need to make a point.

Yes a lot of you are complete morons I'm sorry for being blunt about it and the whole tragedy that happens every busy travel weekend in the U.S. but people a little community cooperation would go a long way here. First, you've all gotten a lot worse in the last few years and it can mostly be blamed on society. I know we live in a post 9/11 world so it seems every second away from a terror attack is of vital importance but please don't let it turn you into a weapon on wheels. I've officially moved my family's holidays to 3 days after all of yours now just so we can avoid you completely. My aging heart can't take the combination of our lovely city road conditions, your general driving skills and my anxiety about remembering my seatbelt because there's a checkpoint up ahead as I watch one of you on a cell phone gleefully fly through a red-light and clip a pedestrian.

Stop the madness people! Excepting a life and death emergency no place you have to be excuses you for putting other people in danger. Try to retain at least a few of the rules of driving from the one time you glanced at the driving manual five minutes before your test. Most importantly the one that reminds us that COLLISIONS ARE BAD and they cause paperwork and we should be avoiding them.

So please fellow citizens. Help me abolish Moronmobile Day. Turn off the cell phones for 5 minutes, look out your windshield occasionally and try to remember the physics that tell us that two cars can not occupy the same space in the same time and that everyone is entitled to their right of way. Please, for the sake of holiday travelers everywhere who all deserve to make it to their destination and possibly for the most important reason of all. You're in my damn way and I want to get to the beach before the Joneses take my parking spot in the shade. Ignore me at your peril.
Dissident out.