Bush does a book report:: Honey, I read "The Stranger"!

[rodeodance]

Online Humor



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On Slate, satirist Evan Eisenberg imagines what Bush's Internet search terms might be; On Salon, Louis Bayard imagines Bush's book report on 'The Stranger'; at McSweeney's, Jeff Barnosky imagines Bush's Andover report card.



http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2006/08/15/bayard/print.html


Honey, I read "The Stranger"!

The president read Camus' "The Stranger" on vacation in Texas, and now you can read the book report he wrote for Laura!

By Louis Bayard

Aug. 15, 2006 |

FROM: Agence France-Presse, Aug. 11, 2006

U.S. President George W. Bush quoted French existential writer Albert Camus to European leaders a year and a half ago, and now he's read one of the writer's most famous works, "The Stranger."

White House spokesman Tony Snow said Friday that Bush, on his Texas compound enjoying a 10-day vacation from Washington, had made quick work of the Algerian-born writer's 1946 novel -- in English.

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Dear Wifey,

Haw. Haw. Haw.

Haw haw.

You said no way I could read a book in 10 days. And when I said I was going to read the frog book, you said, Well, George, I hope those big words don't hurt your esophagus too much going down. The joke's on you, woman. I finished the dang thing. And just so you believe me, I'm going to write it all down in a little book report deal, and that way, you'll know I read every darn word. And Condi's going to check my spelling just in case you go all schoolteacher on my butt.

So first of all, lemme tell you, Laura, if all frogs were like Albert Ca-Moose-and-Squirrel, the author, we wouldn't have quarrel with that nation or any other, and I could eat french toast again, not to mention french dressing, which beats ranch all to heck. Now Condi said be sure to remember that Ca-Moose-and-Squirrel was living back in the days of World War II. The big one. Which is when frenchmen used to have a pair. Dad said he flew missions with some frenchies. Over the ocean. Flew with them over the ocean. On missions. Said they knew a thing about mademoiselles, which I'm guessing Ca-Moose-and-Squirrel did, too.

The whole book starts with someone going up to Jesus, and you will never guess who, not in a million. The mama! Who is called by the name of Mammon. I told Condi she was kidding but no. Mammon dies right off, and this guy doesn't even know which day it happened on, which is crazy. If my mom died, you can bet Dad'd be all over me about the thank-you notes, and you mean to say he'd let me get away with "Oh, Mom died today, or maybe it was yesterday, beats me"? Nuh-uh. It'd be "Mom died at 3:31 p.m. Tuesday morning, surrounded by loved ones, and thanks for the fruit basket." And "P.S. Jenna specially liked the tarts."

Mammon's boy is named Meursault, which, when you close your eyes and say it soft, sounds kinda like a car. And he's got this frat brother who's some kind of pimp, I guess, and that guy's name is "Raymond," which is French for Raymond. Oh, and there's this Arab guy who's getting a little antsy with the knife. (Like we haven't seen that before.) So Meursault goes and finds Ahab, and the sun's really bugging him now, which I could see, even though I'm guessing Algeria doesn't get any hotter than Crawford. The frog plugs Ahab, causing him to pre-decease. This is wrong for him to do as there's no red alert or even yellow, and also Muslims is peace loving mostly, and as this is 1940s, there's no Osama or Saddam, unless they're babies. Plus even when Ahab's down, Meursault plugs him four more times, which I don't think they'd even try in Guantánamo. (Better not!) .....

[Democrats_win]

1. Bush is very much like Meursault, at least before the trial.

Meursault only cares about the things that help him survive.