DEMOCRATS: WAL-MART HAS WMD (WAGES OF MASS DESTITUTION)

[Don Davis]

As recently reported, Democrats have made Wal-Mart’s sub-standard labor practices a major issue for the Fall mid-term elections.

Moreover, in a stunning article to be published in the upcoming issue of The New Yorker, Seymour Hersh writes that Democrats, if they regain the Presidency in 2008, have a secret plan to invade Wal-Mart, on the grounds that it has WMD — Wages of Mass Destitution.

Senator Joe Biden, a candidate for the Democratic Presidential nomination, accused Wal-Mart of amassing stockpiles of corporate profits during the last six years of GOP rule, after kicking out inspectors from the U.S. Department of Labor.

Biden also said that Wal-Mart has been violating the Geneva Retail Convention by renditioning its own employees to the stores’ basements, so that they can’t go home at night, or even cop a smoke.

Biden was joined by Senator Evan Bayh, Indiana Democrat, who confidently predicted that the invasion force “would be greeted as liberators, and greeted with plastic flowers and those discount boxes of chocolate, that they have up there by the check-out counter.”

Asked for comment, Vice-President Cheney dismissed the plan as sheer folly, mumbling that “those Democrats always think they can just change an entire culture and impose their values on other people.”

Some of the “Cable-TV Generals” also expressed skepticism about the success of any invasion, since Wal-Mart has used the last six years to build a network of bunkers and tunnels in their Garden and Patio Departments.

According to General Barry McCaffrey, there are also rumors that the “dead-enders” working in the Electronics Aisle have learned to assemble IEDs, to be triggered when one steps on the mat for the automatic door.

Finally, military strategists caution not to dismiss the possibility of prolonged sectarian violence between Wal-Mart employees, who would welcome better wages, and the consuming public, which is concerned solely with schleppin’ for mass reductions.
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RE:The Administration’s reactive approach to counter-terrorism:

You get the feeling that if the next incident involves a terrorist trying to light a fart on the plane, we’ll never again see the bean salad offered as the kosher meal.