TOP TEN RULES OF A BUSHITE MILITARY TRIBUNAL

[Don Davis]

10. You have the obligation to remain silent — no defense may be offered in your behalf.

9. You have no right to see any evidence against you – You can’t handle the untruth!

8. You have the right of cross-examination — of your own navel while you rot in jail for forty years.

7. Anything you didn’t say will be used against you.

6. Anything you did say — while having a wet rag shoved down your esophagus – will also be used against you.

5. You have the right to counsel — if you cannot afford one, you will be appointed a graduate of Attorneys-R-Us.com.

4. You’ll be judged not by a jury of your peers, but by 12 guys named Yitzhak Shamir.

3. Right to a speedy execution — arrest, conviction and death penalty before you can say “Ramadan.”

2. You have the right of appeal — but only to Scalia or Thomas.

1. Unlike regular criminals, you have the right to bang your head on the door of the car transporting you to Court.