Repukes

[SeaBob]

The 10 Commandments for Republicans

1. Thou shalt have no god besides self-interest.

2. Thou shalt be free to thump Bibles, read Rapture fantasies, watch Fox News stories on the "war again Christians," and cover thyself in crosses and WWJD bracelets, as long as thou rememberest not to let Jesus's admonitions about love and peace and helping the poor interfere with the first commandment.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain -- make sure thou art always given credit for being religious for talking about God, for thy image is all-important.

4. Remember the Sabbath, to make a show of faith to help thy all-important image, unless remembering the Sabbath interferes with self-interest and business.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother, lest they cut thee out of their wills, but slash Medicare and Social Security, for thou art not commanded to honor other people's fathers and mothers, many of whom are Democrats.

6. Thou shalt not kill, unless thou wishest to kill someone who is poorer than thou, a different race than thou, a different religion than thou, a different nationality than thou (especially if living in a land with great natural resources), or a friend thou art hunting with while drunk. Or a Democrat.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thou art tempted, in which case it is not thy fault, and since thou art blameless thou shalt always feel free to condemn adultery in others, especially Democrats.

8. Thou shalt not steal, for "stealing" is something done by the poor, who shall be tried and thrown in prison, while thou art only appropriating resources and misunderstood, and thou shalt walk after making a deal with the prosecutor, if thou art charged at all.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor, for thy neighbor is most likely also a Republican and can afford a good attorney to sue thee, so thou shalt limit thyself to slandering those who are not thy neighbors, particularly if they are of a different color, creed, or nationality. Or Democrat. Thou art required to bear false witness against Democrats if thou art a talk show host.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, wife, maidservant, manservant, ox, or ass, for thou hast a larger house or can build one, and thou knowest thy neighbor's wife and maidservant to be unfaithful to him for thou hast slept with them, so why wouldst thou covet them now? Thou shalt not say anything about the manservant and the ox, however, lest Scooter Libby write a novel about thee. And no matter how much thou enjoyed the ox, thou shalt have nothing to do with the ass while the Democrats' symbol is a donkey. For thou art Republican.