The Book George Should Have Read In Place Of My Pet Goat

[Daveparts]

Sun Tzu was a military General who lived in the 6th century BC in China; he rose to military acclaim by taking what was considered the most backwards Chinese state to the most prominent. Sun Tzu wrote and completed his military dictum and twenty-five centuries have not changed its truth.


1. Sun Tzu said: In the operations of war,
where there are in the field a thousand swift chariots,
as many heavy chariots, and a hundred thousand
mail-clad soldiers, with provisions enough to carry them
a thousand li, the expenditure at home and at the front,
including entertainment of guests, small items such as
glue and paint, and sums spent on chariots and armor,
will reach the total of a thousand ounces of silver per day.
Such is the cost of raising an army of 100,000 men.

2. When you engage in actual fighting, if victory
is long in coming, then men's weapons will grow dull and
their ardor will be damped. If you lay siege to a town,
you will exhaust your strength.

3. Again, if the campaign is protracted, the resources
of the State will not be equal to the strain.

4. Now, when your weapons are dulled, your ardor damped,
your strength exhausted and your treasure spent,
other chieftains will spring up to take advantage
of your extremity. Then no man, however wise,
will be able to avert the consequences that must ensue.

5. Thus, though we have heard of stupid haste in war,
cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays.

6. There is no instance of a country having benefited
from prolonged warfare.

7. It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted
with the evils of war that can thoroughly understand
the profitable way of carrying it on.


There are three ways in which a ruler can bring
misfortune upon his army:--

13. (1) By commanding the army to advance or to retreat,
being ignorant of the fact that it cannot obey.
This is called hobbling the army.

14. (2) By attempting to govern an army in the
same way as he administers a kingdom, being ignorant
of the conditions which obtain in an army. This causes
restlessness in the soldier's minds.

15. (3) By employing the officers of his army
without discrimination, through ignorance of the
military principle of adaptation to circumstances.
This shakes the confidence of the soldiers.


What could I possible add to such wisdom? I bet if you mentioned Sun Tsu to George Bush he would say, “Gesundheit”

[MADem]

1. And Porgie the Great Responded Thusly:

1. Heh, what a dummy this Chinaman is--yew tell me whadda bunch soldiers dressed in postal oufits(mail clad) has ta-dew with WAR!!!!!

2. DAMP ardor? Heh heh...it's plenty DRY out there in the desert, silly!!!!

3. Protracted? We ain't doing math with compasses and protractors, we're fightin' the terrists!!

4. Ain't no one touchin' MAH extremity--if anyone is gonna have their extremity taken advantage of, AH'll be doin' the advantage takin'!!! Ya perverts!!! And there ya go again, babblin' on about the damp thang....

5. Ah dunno 'bout Long Delays, but ah allus thought TOM DeLay was mighty clever, ah did!!

6. Ah like bein' the FIRST to do stuff, ya see! Mah prolonged war will be successful, because ah say so!

7. AS for evil wars, ain't ah saying all the tahm that we have to take care of these evil doers? So ah done checked that block about long wars and evildoers, din't ah?

And never mind this MISS FORTUNE stuff--heck, ah sent over Dallas Cheerleaders and all sortsa eye candy gals on them USO tours to cheer up the BOYS. As for the GIRLS over there, well, they're in the mah-nority, so they'll jus' hafta suck it up. Between this hobnobbin', young and the restless, and discrimination nonsense, I gotta say I thank this Chinaman don't know what he's talkin' about. No wonder he ain't in charge over there nowadays!!!!

[emilyg]

2. George likes books with lots of pictures.