Recipe for avoiding those risky bridges----Garrison Keillor

[rodeodance]

Recipe for avoiding those risky bridges

Garrison Keillor
August 8, 2007

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-oped0808keilloraug08,0,1113211.column

When the bridge collapsed in Minneapolis, several people called me to see if I was OK, and I was in New York, standing in line at H&H Bagels at 80th and Broadway, which came as a disappointment to my friends, calling to commiserate about a tragedy, hoping for a good story ("I crossed that bridge 45 seconds before it went down, I felt it wobble."), but H&H is where I was, me and my St. Paul cell phone, waiting for cream cheese with scallions and three poppy-seed bagels. "I thought you were here," they said. "No, I'm in New York," I replied.

The bridge collapse was front-page news in New York, though, and for three days running. Bridges are not supposed to fall down unless there is an earthquake. A person is supposed to be able to drive home on a summer evening and cross a river on a steel truss bridge and not find himself plunging headlong into the abyss.

Especially not in Minnesota. We are a state of Germans and Scandinavians, people who make up in common sense for what we lack in sheer charisma, and a shabby piece of engineering is an embarrassment to us. Minnesota isn't Uzbekistan.

The way to get money to fix a bridge is for it to collapse and kill people, and so Congress promptly awarded Minnesota $250 million for the fallen I-35W span. The usual suspects held news conferences to express shock and concern, pledge support, etc. The governor called for a time of healing and he proclaimed confidence in his commissioner of transportation, a large ebullient woman in a bright red blouse. There were prayer services. The Current Occupant came to view the wreckage and to express, in that intense and aimless way of his, his hopes for a better life for us. And then, having raised our hopes, he did not resign from office after all........


Love the last sentence!!

[Maddy McCall]

1. I love Keillor.

He's a smart, talented man.

[rodeodance]

2. Unless the bridges get blown up by helpful terrorists, making us eligible for Halliburton to come in

.......http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-oped0808keilloraug08,0,1113211.column

Unless the bridges get blown up by helpful terrorists, making us eligible for Halliburton to come in and rebuild them, I don't imagine that much will happen. There will be an investigation and someday, when we are much older, we will learn that the bridge collapsed because of a unique set of circumstances that could not have been predicted by anybody. Nobody had sex with that woman. Everybody was doing a heckuva job.

I like the Mayo Clinic a lot and prefer it to the chiropractor down the street, but of course this is my responsibility and not the state of Minnesota's. The day when we look to big government for solutions to our transportation problems is gone. Our governor has twice vetoed a 7.5-cent increase in the state gasoline tax to pay for road and bridge repair. He believes it is dumb. So it's up to us to solve our own problems. Rochester is 88 miles away. Northwest Airlines offers seven flights daily for a round-trip fare of about 500 bucks, or slightly more than the fare to New York. You want to visit Rochester, pay your own freight. Don't expect Minnesota to take care of you.

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Garrison Keillor is an author and radio host. E-mail: oldscout@prairie home.us

[sinkingfeeling]

3. I used to live just north of Rochester, off of Highway 52, on the banks of Lake Oronoco.

[MasonJar]

4. Garrison always has some goodies to sling at Georgie Porgie.