The Very Model of a Modern Major Asshole
by Jerome Doolittle | Sep 10 2007
We will all be seeing a lot of David Howell Petraeus today, as he carries Bush’s water to Capitol Hill. Good old Dave! General Petraeus and I happen to go way back — to March 18, 2003. On that date, just before our army stepped off a cliff and into Baghdad, the general was doing pushups on a pier in Kuwait. From the New York Times account:
David H. Petraeus, major general, 50 years old, was face down on a pier in the port of Kuwait, forehead to forehead with Jonathan Aleshire, a 19-year-old private …
At the port, what started out as a backslapping exercise by the general shifted after a good-natured jibe from one of the enlisted soldiers. Suddenly, the slight general — he is 5 feet 9, 150 pounds — was challenging the brawny private to a push-up showdown …
The general dipped to the ground, level as a plank of plywood, but for his head, which was cocked up. He stared at the private as they rose and fell, the private perhaps a half-beat behind the general …
At number 24, a little gasp emerged from the private. The general never blinked. Private Aleshire did another push-up, more like a shove-up, arms wobbling. When he rose for his 26th, he buckled. He was through.
The general continued for at least another 20. When he stood, only a throbbing vein on his neck showed any evidence of exertion. ‘‘You can write that off on your income taxes as an educational expense,’’ General Petraeus told the private.
I knew immediately upon reading this that the general was an asshole.
Not only was I a private myself once, I used to be the civil service equivalent of a major general. What’s more, I too am an asshole. Four days before the general waved his weenie on the pier, I waved mine on the internet. I challenged George W. Bush to a bench press competition, which I won handily.
There are levels of assholedom, however, and a 70-year-old former private humiliating a much younger president on a blog he doesn’t read is a different thing from a middle-aged major general humiliating a teenaged boy under his command — with a New York Times reporter taking notes.
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