Guardian UK: Bogey man

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Bogey man
The Masters may be golf's greatest tournament, but it also highlights the silliness of a sport that caters to rich, white robber barons and wastes natural resources

Robert Weintraub
April 13, 2008 4:00 PM | Printable version


I hate the Masters.

There, I said it. I'm sure I'm not alone. But from where I'm writing this, about 220 kilometres from Augusta National Golf Club, home of the annual spring tournament, those words are sacrilege, the blaspheming of Bobby Jones's Holy Spirit. Dumping on the Masters to a white male of a certain vintage (over 30, suburban, lives in a house 75% larger than he needs to adequately needs to shelter his family with some comfort) around here is like farting in church without the attendant brief, rebellious giggle.

People build their entire year around a trip to Augusta, looking forward to sniffing the azaleas, getting hammered on cheap, watery beer, exchanging awkward high-fives after every aggressive five-iron, and taking blurry camera phone photos of Tiger Woods. Not me. I loathe the event, its rituals and the sport itself. This time of year also brings huge geysers of green pollen falling from the Georgia skies, coating the landscape and making everyone dash for the Claritin. Personally, I'll take the runny eyes, itchy throat and sinus headache over another mention of Amen Corner.

Let me preface this diatribe by pointing out that I'm not a fan of golf in general. "Not a fan" doesn't mean I don't bother to watch coverage on TV or consume links-related media (though I don't). It means I don't approve of golf on a basic, marrow-deep level. A game that mainly exists so the idle rich can have a reason to get up in the morning, or so corporate robber barons can draw up plans to stick it to the little guy while getting out of the office at the same time? No thanks. A game that uses colossal amounts of natural resources to prop up its very existence? Particularly here in the American South, where courses were exempt from conservation rules enacted during a punishing drought last year? Or in traditionally impacted zones like South Asia or the Middle East? Please. That doesn't even get into the history of exclusion at clubs like Augusta National, or as comedian George Carlin pointed out, the idiocy at the game's core - "you hit a ball with a stick, then try and find it. Once you do, you hit it again?!?! You're lucky you found it! Go home!!" ............(more)

The complete piece is at: http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/robert_weintraub/2008/04/bogey_man.html