The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 344

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 344

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 343

July 14, 2008
Cheese And Whine Edition

Honestly, I take one week off and John McCain (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9) - with a little help from Phil Gramm and friends - goes totally bonkers. The Best Of The Rest (10) round out the list this week. As usual, don't forget the key!

John McCain and Phil Gramm

Macaca.

Potatoe.

Read my lips, no new taxes.

And now add a new entry to the list of the greatest political gaffes of all time. Last week John McCain's chief economic adviser Phil Gramm said that the country's financial woes are merely a "mental recession." He then proceeded to call America a "nation of whiners."

Now that's the kind of political straight-talk that voters love to hear! Just lost your house? Boo hoo! Can't afford to pay your medical bills? It's all in your mind! STFU and pull yourselves up by the bootstraps, losers! What's that? You had to sell your bootstraps to pay for gas? What a bunch of whiners.

So much for feeling your pain. Lest we forget, Phil Gramm is a multi-millionaire who until very recently was a lobbyist for a Swiss bank, so it's perhaps understandable that he has absolutely no clue about the price of a gallon of gas or a loaf of bread. But what's more disturbing is that this jerk - who also happens to be largely responsible for rising gas prices and the mortgage crisis - is in charge of writing John McCain's economic policy.

McCain immediately denounced Gramm's remarks. Well - not quite immediately. First one of his spokespeople stood by them:

...in an initial statement published by Politico and then, seemingly, removed from its site, a McCain campaign aide actually stood by Gramm's remarks, saying the interview as a whole was merely meant as a preview of the Senator's economic agenda.

Obviously that approach didn't go down too well, so it wasn't long before McCain stepped into the spotlight and tried to rescue himself from his buddy's remarks. "I believe the mother here in Michigan and around America who is trying to get enough money to educate their children isn't whining," he said. "America is in great difficulty and we are experiencing enormous economic challenges as well as others. Phil Gramm does not speak for me. I speak for me. So, I strongly disagree."

Really? Funny that, because about three weeks ago, this happened:

At a town hall in Fresno that primarily focused on energy issues, McCain was asked a question about the price of gas and the viability of various short-term solutions.

"In the short term I'd like to give you a little relief for the summer on the gas tax," McCain began, referring to his controversial proposal to temporarily suspend the federal tax on gasoline.

But then he made a surprisingly candid admission: "I don't see an immediate relief, but I do see that exploitation of existing reserves that may exist -- and in view of many experts that do exist off our coasts -- is also a way that we need to provide relief. Even though it may take some years, the fact that we are exploiting those reserves would have psychological impact that I think is beneficial."

Hmm, a psychological impact, you say? Well I guess that would be useful if we were in a mental recession, wouldn't it.

Anyway, it seems that Mr. Gramm was less than suitably chastened by McCain's denouncement. According to MSNBC:

"Gramm defended his recession comments, saying journalists have been 'amplifying bad economic news' and too many people believe things are worse than they really are. Gramm said he was speaking for himself when he spoke Wednesday to The Washington Times editorial board. 'I wouldn't claim to speak for McCain,' he said."

Which is strange, because as Talking Points Memo notes, Gramm didn't just meet with the Washington Times editorial board that day...

Speaking today from New York, where he was meeting with the Wall Street Journal Editorial Board on McCain's economic policies, Gramm said the nation's economy was initially thought to have grown by an anemic 0.6 percent in the first three months of the year.

What's even more strange is that Phil Gramm appears to still be John McCain's chief economic adviser.

John McCain

Last month rascally economists tried to put the kibosh on John McCain's Gas Tax Holiday From Reality. McCain immediately told the economists to get off his lawn.

McLAME: If you want to call it a gimmick, fine. You know the economists? They're the same ones that didn't predict this housing crisis we're now in.

Ouch! Take that, stupid economists. You morons don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Fast forward to last week when Sen. McCain unveiled his new economic plan (written by Phil Gramm). Who better to tout the plan than... economists?

U.S. Senator John McCain's presidential campaign today released a statement signed by over 300 professional economists in support of John McCain's Jobs for America economic plan. The list includes Nobel Prize winners, business economists with experience in the private sector, policy economists with experience in government and academic economists from major universities and state and community colleges.

Don't worry, it's not a flip-flop. He's merely, er, changing his position to meet the facts on the ground. Or something.

Oh, and one more thing about those economists who love the McCain/Gramm plan...

Upon closer inspection, it seems a good many of those economists don't actually support the whole of McCain's economic agenda. And at least one doesn't even support McCain for president.

In interviews with more than a dozen of the signatories, Politico found that, far from embracing McCain's economic plan, many were unfamiliar with - or downright opposed to - key details. While most of those contacted by Politico had warm feelings about McCain, many did not want to associate themselves too closely with his campaign and its policy.

Perhaps John McCain is the one suffering from mental recession.

John McCain

A few weeks ago I noted that Peggy Noonan had given the McCain campaign some sage advice: "Let McCain be McCain. Get him in the papers being who he is, get people looking at his real nature. ... The most interesting thing about Mr. McCain has always been the delight he takes in a certain unblinkered candor. There is also the antic part of his nature, his natural wit, his tropism toward comedy."

Wise words. And last week McCain had the perfect opportunity to be himself. Watch as he wows reporters with his "natural wit" and "tropism toward comedy..."

REPORTER: We've learned that exports to Iran increased by tenfold during the Bush Administration, the biggest export was cigarettes. Given that the, yeah... supposedly that the...

McINSANE: (interrupting) Maybe that's the way of killing them. (chuckles) I meant that as a joke.

Hilarious! So there you have it. John McCain is asked why exports to Iran have increased under the Bush administration, and the very first thought that pops into his head is, "Let's kill Iranians."

I wonder if Ms. Noonan still wants people to take a close look at McCain's "real nature."

John McCain

Speaking of Iran, the Iranian Revolutionary Guard test-fired some missiles last week which gave John "Kill 'Em All" McCain an opportunity to bash Barack Obama. "This is the same organization that I voted to condemn as a terrorist organization when an amendment was on the floor of the United States Senate," he grumbled. "Senator Obama refused to vote."

And it's true - on the day the vote was held last year, Barack Obama was campaigning. For shame! How dare he miss such an important vote, which has now come back to bite all of us in the ass!

Just one problem...

McCain also missed that vote on the Kyl-Lieberman amendment on September 26, 2007. Records show that Obama was in New Hampshire and McCain was in New York instead of being in the Senate chamber for the vote in question.

Give McCain a break though - he has a hard time remembering what he had for breakfast.

John McCain

But there's no need to worry - the Senior Moment Senator from Arizona has a cunning plan to reduce his cavalcade of gaffes over the coming months. I'm sure you'll appreciate this...

Welcome to the new John McCain press strategy.

Avoid them.

McCain today held a 10-minute press conference, complete with podium, microphones for the questioners, network-quality audio and a camera for a local television station, which allowed CNN to carry it live.

And where was the national press corps?

Sitting on the runway 27 miles away, having been ferried to McCain's charter plane, totally unaware that a press availability was about to take place until one of the handful of "pool reporters" sent an e-mail alert.

Yes, it seems that the McCain campaign has decided to go the all-too-familiar route of making sure only "good" reporters get access to the GOP candidate.

National reporters still get some access; in fact, the campaign promises some time with the candidate later today as the campaign bus rambles from West Virginia to Portsmouth, Ohio.

McCain gathered several reporters at the front of the plane while traveling in South America last week.

But that access has been whittled away as McCain became the nominee. The Straight Talk is reserved now as a carrot for local reporters, leaving the national press corps on a charter bus trailing behind.

And in case you were wondering whose idea it was to kick reporters off the "Straight Talk Express"...

The new approach may reflect the growing influence of the newly-powerful Steve Schmidt, a top adviser and protege of Bush political guru Karl Rove, who was famous for his desire to control the press's access to his candidate.

So as you can see, John McCain is nothing at all like George W. Bush.

John McCain

While John McCain cuts and runs from reporters, Barack Obama and the DNC have decided to move the final night of the Democratic National Convention to the 75,000-seat Invesco Field, home of the Denver Broncos.

"The Democratic Party is nominating a true change candidate this August, and it is only fitting that we make some big changes in how we put on the Convention," DNC Chairman Howard Dean says. "By bringing the last night of the Convention out to the people, we will be able to showcase Barack Obama's positive, people-centered vision for our country in a big way."

"Barack Obama's campaign for change has inspired millions of Americans and brought people into the political process who might never have been involved," said Convention Co-Chair Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius. "This change in the Convention program will allow thousands of first-time participants a chance to take part. I can't think of a better Convention finale for our nominee who has made reaching out to voters a hallmark of his campaign."

"Senator Obama and the DNCC have truly brought the community into the Convention," said Colorado Governor Bill Ritter, Jr. "This decision will enable thousands of residents from Colorado, the Rocky Mountain West and across the nation to witness history first hand. What a way to fire up our grassroots activists as we head into the fall campaign."

The McCain campaign had a two-part response to this major news story. First, RNC communications director Matt Burns said, "Not surprisingly, Senator Obama and his fellow Democrats are more focused on stagecraft and theatrics than providing real solutions to the challenges facing our nation." Then, according to MSNBC, "a McCain aide pointed out 'that boy-band NSYNC also sold out Invesco twice ... NSYNC was at Mile High twice, in 2000 and 2001."

Er, well done. To be fair, it's hard to give a coherent comeback when you're simultaneously quaking in your boots and crapping in your pants.

John McCain

It's hardly surprising that John McCain has a comfortable lead over Barack Obama among senior citizens. What is surprising is that if McCain carries on like http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/09/AR2008070902316.html">this, he might even start struggling with the old folks.

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) once said economics was not his strong suit -- and yesterday Social Security became a problem for the presumptive Republican nominee as well.

In remarks at a town hall meeting in Denver on Monday, McCain laid out what he likes to call "a little straight talk."

"Americans have got to understand that we are paying present-day retirees with the taxes paid by young workers in America today. And that's a disgrace. It's an absolute disgrace, and it's got to be fixed," he said.

But isn't that the way Social Security is supposed to work? Well, yes. Presidential candidate John McCain doesn't seem to know that though.

On the other hand, I suppose it's possible that he actually thinks one of the most popular government programs ever is quite simply "a disgrace." It would make sense, given that McCain http://thinkprogress.org/2008/06/13/mccain-denies-his-record-of-supporting-social-security-privatization/">had the hots for George W. Bush's Social Security privatization scheme back in 2005. Always the maverick, I guess. Regardless of how thoroughly the American people hated Bush's plan, McCain stood strong with the president.

I must say it takes real balls to side with George W. Bush against the enormous majority of Americans on the issue of privatizing Social Security. Well done sir.

John McCain

There's been some speculation recently that former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina might be John McCain's pick for vice president. Events of last week have probably laid that rumor to rest. According to Think Progress:

During a breakfast with reporters yesterday hosted by the Christian Science Monitor, top McCain adviser Carly Fiorina talked up Sen. John McCain's (R-AZ) preferred approach to health care by saying that "there are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won't cover birth-control medication. Those women would like a choice."

Gosh, where to begin. The notion that women would like a "choice?" The suggestion that health insurance plans should cover birth-control medication? The uncomfortable juxtaposition of John McCain with the word "Viagra?"

When reporters later pressed John McCain on Fiorina's comments, he was suitably befuddled.

Republican John McCain prides himself on being a straight talker. But he resisted being dragged into a discussion Wednesday about insurance companies that cover Viagra but not birth control products.

"I certainly do not want to discuss that issue," the presidential candidate said when a reporter asked him about it on his campaign bus, the "Straight Talk Express."

(snip)

When asked Wednesday if he had voted in the Senate against a proposal to require insurance companies to cover contraceptive products, McCain replied, "I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer because I don't recall the vote ... I don't usually duck an issue, but I'll try to get back to you."

Fortunately Think Progress is there to remind us that, "in 2003 McCain voted against an amendment that would have required insurance coverage." And let's not forget that, "McCain also voted against a 2005 bill requiring health insurance companies to cover birth-control pills as well as Viagra."

Funny that he wouldn't remember something like that.

John McCain

Now let's check in with the rest of McCain's gaffes and blunders over the past couple of weeks...

1) Johnny Mac got super-pissed at a veteran who dared to remind everyone that he doesn't have a perfect voting record with veterans' groups. "I've been endorsed in every election by all of the veterans organizations that do that, I've been supported by them and I've received their highest awards from all of those organizations," retorted McCain. Bzzt! Sorry, that's a lie - and it's not the first time McCain's told it.

2) McCain campaigned in Pennsylvania where he told this delightful anecdote about the time he was captured in Vietnam:

When I was first interrogated and really had to give some information because of the physical pressures that were on me, I named the starting lineup -- defensive line -- of the Pittsburgh Steelers as my squadron-mates!"

Well done Senator! Except an eagle-eyed Kos diarist discovered that according to McCain's own autobiography:

Eventually, I gave them my ship's name and squadron number, and confirmed that my target had been the power plant. Pressed for more useful information, I gave the names of the Green Bay Packers' offensive line, and said they were members of my squadron.

By the time McCain gets to Michigan I expect he'll have given his captors the names of the Detroit Lions' punt return unit.

3) According to an article in the Los Angeles Times last week, Sen. McCain obtained a license to marry his second wife while he was still married to his first wife.
Perhaps someone should ask McCain to clarify his definition of "traditional marriage."

4) Did you know that John McCain loves to gamble? According to Time magazine, "In the past decade, he has played on Mississippi riverboats, on Indian land, in Caribbean craps pits and along the length of the Las Vegas Strip."

Only recently have McCain's aides urged him to pull back from the pastime. In the heat of the G.O.P. primary fight last spring, he announced on a visit to the Vegas Strip that he was going to the casino floor. When his aides stopped him, fearing a public relations disaster, McCain suggested that they ask the casino to take a craps table to a private room, a high-roller privilege McCain had indulged in before. His aides, with alarm bells ringing, refused again, according to two accounts of the discussion.

"He clearly knows that this is on the borderline of what is acceptable for him to be doing," says a Republican who has watched McCain play. "And he just sort of revels in it."

McCain's former chief strategist John Weaver was quoted as saying, "Enjoying craps opens up a window on a central thread constant in John's life. Taking a chance, playing against the odds." Ah yes, just the kind of qualities we need in a president during these times of uncertainty.

5) Finally, the McCain campaign started running a Spanish-language radio ad in Florida last week. The ad notes that "Three-quarters of Florida's exports are with Latin America," and that "Last year Florida's exports to Latin America reached almost $45 billion dollars. Colombia is Florida's third most important export market and this trade agreement would create almost 5,000 new jobs."

Surprise! According to a Newsweek analysis, "every number in the ad is wrong, except one, a prediction of job gains taken from a group favoring the trade deal. And even that number is rounded upward so generously as to flunk third-grade arithmetic."

Ay carumba.

The Best Of The Rest

And finally, let's catch up with the rest of last week's idiots.

Fred Barnes had some advice for the McCain campaign: "He needs to touch on some of the social issues which energize the right." Can you guess what Fred has in mind? "In particular, gays in the military for one," said he. "Gay marriage is another one." Or in other words, you can't run for president as a Republican without bashing those homos.

The Department of Homeland Security has an idea that can't possibly go wrong - they would like airlines to get rid of boarding passes and instead make passengers wear an identity bracelet that keeps track of where they and their luggage are at all times. Oh yes, and the bracelet could also "shock the wearer on command, completely immobilizing him/her for several minutes." A DHS representative demonstrating the device said, "Come fly our friendly skaiiiieeeAAAAGH!"

The Pemberton Republican Club of Pennsylvania ran a banner ad on their website which read, "Obama loves America like O.J. loved Nicole." The Club's webmaster Ed Kuck described the banner as "a joke" and said, "I found out it was inappropriate, and I took it down." Kudos, you complete and utter moron.

The new Pixar movie Wall-E may have received a 97% rating on the movie review aggregator site Rotten Tomatoes, but conservatives aren't happy. According to Think Progress the movie has been described by various impotent wingnuts as "leftist propaganda," "a 90-minute lecture on the dangers of over consumption," and "liberal nonsense." So it's obviously worth seeing.

And George W. Bush ended a climate change meeting at the G8 summit by saying, "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." According to the UK Telegraph, "He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock." For real.

See you next week!

-- EarlG