Festivus: I air my gripes

[Number_Six]

Yesterday, if one was a fan of Seinfeld, was Festivus. Hmmm.

Well, I've an aluminum pole, front yard, holding up my antenna so I can watch digital TV now, except the receptions' bad, of course, and was that by design, I have to wonder?

And it's now time for Phase II: The airing of the grievances. The list is short, but timely:

-President Barack Obama. Dude, you are a ripoff and then some. All politicians make campaign promises, and in performance-to-promises, you've outdone dear old Dick Nixon! Instead of ending two wars, they will now go on forever, was Orwell that accurate?

Funny. I had all these visions of a man who would emulate FDR, all he needed was the monacle and cigarette holder. What a shocker, eh? Kissing the ass of Wall Street. Kissing the ass of the Corporati, and now, rimming the health care insurance Ferengi. Boy, was we fooled!

Barry, sir, it's a guarantee: You're a one-termer. I'll see to that, yes. Made my list to El Numero Uno for failures.

-A Democrat-controlled congress. What is with you clowns? Look, Newt's gone, okay? Compromise? Whatever for? Didn't the last eight years offer some semblance of a fucking clue? That the Republicans are so out of touch with reality as to be labeled psychopaths, all?

Congress, based on this year alone, has won my Marie Antoinette Award for Best Reminder Of Why The French Kicked Ass in 1790 and on. It's going to be damned interesting to see the citizens revolt on this insipid, callous and idiotic idea of making everyone purchase that....they cannot afford. Goddamn, that LSD you guys drop! Can we get some, too?

-My local Democratic Party. Chutzpah Award! Calling me up and asking for some money. And for what? Eight more years of Nixon-Reagan-Bush-Asshat, thank you? Please sir, may I have another? Deeper, please, yes, oh that hurts!!

-Teabaggers. Where do we begin with you morans(sic)? I understand your anger, in some ways, you've got the right idea, but your direction and goals are playing right into Wall Street and Rupert Murdoch's eviltry. Your racism, sexism, whatever-ism...we see it all too clearly, you fool nobody. Please, don the sheets and we can all stop pretending what you really want, m'kay?

Oh, and get a sprellchkr, yr sprellin un yr sgins makess my eyess bleed.

(Somewhere in God's beautiful paradise, my dear third-grade English teacher smiles down at me....)

-J.J. Abrams. Sir, that was a Star WARS remake. Not Star TREK. Please do not attempt such ever again. Go the hell away and leave The Lady as she always was, m'kay? Or, next time, keep in mind Hitchcock's Three Laws Of Making A Great Picture?

The script, the script and the script. Learn or quit, dude.

-America, in general: I pity you, I really do. For reasons I cannot fathom, you've yet to realize you are living in an Orwellian wet dream. Some of us, who majored in planetary history have seen this for some time, the part that is regrettable is that too many of you don't get the joke. Please turn off Survivor and open up any decent textbook on the descent of the Mayans, the Anasazi, or better, re-read Gibbon's opus on how Rome shit itself to death.

The game, America, is now in the last ten seconds of the fourth quarter, fourth down, and there are little penalty flags left to hurl. I can see where it's headed, and unless you've studied history as have I, you are in for a shock worse than letting power lines touch your bathwater.

Please re-read the Declaration. Notice the grievances. And do they sound hauntingly familiar, an echo of destiny itself? Same exact shit. About as much difference as .001 and .0011, capice? Our forefathers saw it, why can't you?

Oh, well, go spend what you've got left at Wal-Mart. Play the game to the bitter whistle. You were warned. Mark my words: YOU WERE WARNED.

Okay, that's it. I said it was a short list. Now, let's get on the mat, it's time for Feats Of Strength! No, lifting a beer doesn't qualify, sorry, maybe next year, m'kay?

[tavalon]

1. As my husband said:

We needed Franklin Roosevelt and we got Bill Clinton.

Righteous rant.

Welcome to DU.

[Chef Eric]

4. I think we got Gerald Ford!

A likable but ineffectual president who tells us that we must forget about the ethical lapses of the previous administration, that we "need to move on." A president who talks a lot about the economy, but who maintains the status quo of outrageous deficit spending. Yes, I know Gerald Ford was a Republican, but Obama might as well be one, too.

[Number_Six]

5. We married the marketing person, right?

Barry, thus, reminds of part of that old joke:

"Yeah, he'd just sit on bed and tell me how good it was gonna be."

Case closed!

[tavalon]

2. PS

I guess you didn't like the new Star Trek, eh? I'm a big fan of Zachary Quinto, so he could have stood there looking Spocklike for the whole movie and I would have been fine. I guess I didn't notice the writing so much.

[Demeter]

3. Star Trek Wasn't THAT Bad

Kissing in the turbo lift was a bit out of believable, but there was plenty of plot, maybe a bit too much, actually. It could have been a lot worse, like much of the third season....

But Obama, yeah. More a piece of work than a work in progress. Think he's getting a clue yet? I thought there was a glimmer of light dawning on Marblehead.

You let Congress off way too easy. Don't forget this is the finest Congress money can buy--if you can afford it.

Alas, I have been contemplating emigration from these Benighted States for 8 years, and now I'm doing it again.


PS: Who is Number 1?

[Number_Six]

6. I've noticed a trend these days with movies...

Shitty script? Let's load up the FX! To the gillies, yes.

Was I the only one who noticed that the script was a poor man's remake of another ST movie? And as bad?

I'm sorry, I'm from that era where I enjoy someone telling me a good story, whether it makes me cry, laugh, vomit or stare wide-eyed. As I said, what Hitch said, no script, and you've two hours of nada.

These days, we end up with lots of bling, explosions, lens flares and more explosions, all to hide one thing: All gravy, but no meat-n-taters.

Maybe the next one will be better, but that's for another Festivus!

[Demeter]

7. I'm not denying your point, It's just... Look at what's out there!

It's hard to find anything I want to put the time, let alone the money into.

I'm taking my kid to see Music Man tomorrow. The local Temple runs singalong musicals for Christmas Day, and anybody can go. Better than Avatar, and I've had enough of Capra for a decade, which is what the "art" theatre offers every year.

I can count the good movies on the fingers of one hand each year, and that's about how many I get the urge to see, ever.

The biggest disappointment was the 3D Christmas Carol. Perhaps because a completely magical job can be done by ordinary people on stage...that was a mess of unnecessary computer-generated effects.

[adnelson60087]

8. Obama was never what his supporters wanted to believe he was.

It's just a damn tragedy for the long-term restoration opportunity for this once-proud country. I so wish he was what so many believed he was. But facts and reality are stubborn things.

[colsohlibgal]

9. Lousy With Grievances

There are a few Blue Dogs I'd love to whack with that metal pole.

Strangely I'm into Festivus but alas do not find tinsel distracting.

[Arkana]

10. Obama is not Bush, don't donate to Democrats if you're so sick of us, and Star Trek ruled.

So there.