Hello, God? It's Me, Dubya

[indigobusiness]

Hello, God? It's Me, Dubya
Lord? Bush here. I'm confused. Why won't you crush Kerry and smite the heathens? Hello?

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist


Are you there, God? It's me, George W. Come in, Almighty. Do you read me?
It's about 8:00 pm and it's just after my last bubble bath of the day and here I am again, kneeling here in the Oval Office all by myself in my most favoritest PJs, the funny ones with the little M-1 tanks and baseball players all over them. I gots some problems, Lord.

snip

Lord, I just don't understand. I know I'm not much of a businessman, or a leader, or a public speaker, or a humanitarian, or a foreign-policy expert, or a lover of nuance, or a deep thinker, or much of anything positive or life affirming that anyone can name, really. But I'm a darned nice guy. A "decent man." This is what everyone says. And I thought we had a deal.

I thought we had an understanding that if I took my narrow hypocritical bloody misinterpretations of the Good Book's teachings and spread them all over this planet like Johnny Ashcroft anoints himself in Crisco every night, I thought if I mocked the separation of church and state at every turn and brought a twisted version of your Word to the huddled masses who weren't blessed enough to be in me and my daddy's tax bracket, you'd sorta, you know, help me out a little.

snip

Don't you approve of my religious zealotry? Of how we slam Islam every day? Didn't you like it when I let Gen. William Boykin say, when talkin' about hammering them nasty Iraqis, that "my God is much bigger than their Allah," and it got splashed all over the Arab media? Two million Muslims hate me like a cancer, Lord! If that don't get me some bonus points in your book, I don't know what does

snip

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2004/07/14/notes071404.DTL&nl=fix

[The Zanti Regent]

1. OK, who bugged the Oval Office?

The sad part is that this is something I really believe President asshole would say!

[Sugarbleus]

2. LOL...this is just too too funny............ thanks

I agree with the other poster; this is likely to be something the 'ole prez actually does, and thinks/prays about... Hoo boy, are we in some dire straights.

[indigobusiness]

8. Yep..it's scary

how true this rings.

[opihimoimoi]

3. "BTW God, you never did tell me exactly where those WMD are."

"My Troops are still looking and its been a whole year and 4 months... but nada."

[gatlingforme]

4. hee, hee, and Laura rocks him to bed every night.

[giant_robot]

5. LMAO!!! That's f'n hysterical. n/t

[indigobusiness]

9. glad you thought so

welcome to DU

[myopic4141]

6. I have a hard time imagining

what kind of conversation would occur between a being that knows all there is to know and an individual who is a self made intellectual eunuch. Tis a wonder that the latter understands anything put forth by the former. Given where we are, it would seem the latter cannot comprehend anything at all.

[TaleWgnDg]

7. bless him . . . indeed

This IS funny. Very . . .

That is, until you ponder . . . it's also very sad . . . yes, GWBush truly believes that he, personally, was chosen by God to be president . . . "anointed," as George Soros has said.

How did this happen? How did America sully itself? How did modern America slip into the quagmire from which its Founding Fathers escaped? Favoring one religion as opposed to others?

America has been branded w/ Bush-Jesusdom. See us from the shoes of Europeans or Canadians (who really believe that we all are Jesus-freaks a la Bush)! And, yes, this IS serious . . .

VOTE OUT THIS IDIOT! AMERICA WANTS ITS CONSTITUTION BACK!

:dem:

[indigobusiness]

10. Dubya did a bad, bad thing...