HUMOR: Cheney Blames Kerry for 'Gigli"

[pelagius]

www.borowitzreport.com

CHENEY BLAMES KERRY FOR 'GIGLI'

Warns of Sequel if Democrat is Elected

Vice president Dick Cheney today blamed Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry for the box-office bomb "Gigli," warning that a sequel to the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez turkey might be released if Sen. Kerry is elected.

Mr. Cheney has crisscrossed the country in recent days warning that a Kerry victory might bring increases in domestic terrorism and national security catastrophes, but the "Gigli" charges represent a new ferocity in Mr. Cheney's partisan attacks.

Speaking before a crowd in Davenport, Iowa, Mr. Cheney said, "In all of his public statements, Sen. Kerry has yet to identify 'Gigli' as one of the worst films of all time, leading one to conclude that he wouldn't mind at all if there was a sequel."

Drawing a sharp contrast with Mr. Kerry, the vice president said that the Bush White House was "working overtime to make sure that another 'Gigli' does not happen."

Mr. Cheney's words seem designed to win over voters in the so-called battleground states, many of whom are still reeling from the release of the 2003 stinker.

But Mr. Kerry, on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania, was quick to fire back at Mr. Cheney, telling his audience, "'Gigli' happened on his watch."

Mr. Kerry continued on the attack, saying that not only did the Bush administration fail to prevent "Gigli," but they also "must take some responsibility for the career of Justin Timberlake and that show with Jim Belushi."

Elsewhere, President Bush said today he was "furious" that Iraqis looted 350 tons of explosives since the looting of Iraq was supposed to be handled by Halliburton.


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[elehhhhna]

1. Dick's right on this one. Gigli was a huge bomb.

[Gothmog]

2. Andy Borowitz is always very funny